


Wrong Number

by Mavychan



Category: Mr. Osomatsu, おそ松さん | Osomatsu-san (Anime)
Genre: F/M, Family Issues, Fighting, Foul Language, Gangs, NSFW with time, Nudity, References to Depression, References to anxiety, Runaway, Violence, lgtbq
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-07-10 12:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 214,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6984514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mavychan/pseuds/Mavychan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karamatsu never gets angry with his brothers, no matter how much they hurt him. </p><p>Nevertheless, when he starts feeling lonely and terrible nightmares threathen to take away his sanity, he realizes that something is not right.</p><p>As sadness consumes his heart little by little, he receives a text message that changes everything.</p><p>For better or worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pitch black

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks a lot to my new beta reader, who is helping me with Wrong Number!

Sometimes, Karamatsu felt like crap. Like the crappiest crap that ever crapped in existence. 

 

It was hard to tell, but only because he made sure that he was always acting like a cool dude, trying to be strong. But it was actually pretty… difficult. The anxiety filled up his body like a pot left under the rain,  drop by drop, building up its way to his mind until it was hard for him to breathe. Sometimes Karamatsu wondered when he started feeling that way… He had a happy childhood with his five brothers and loving parents.

 

Maybe it was in high school? He loved high school, even though his grades weren’t the best. He enjoyed the drama club, his adventures with his brothers. So, when did it begin? When did the fear, the pressure, the anxiety start to affect him so much that he thought he could break? Maybe it was when his own brothers started to change, when they stopped being united.

 

When they stopped admiring him.

 

Did they ever admired him? Did they ever recognized him at least? Those words haunted his dreams, haunted his heart almost every day. He always tried to ignore those voices in his head telling him that he was not good enough, that his brothers didn’t care for him at all and they wouldn’t even care if he had a terrible accident and died. After all, he loved his brothers with all his heart. He treasured them. 

 

Karamatsu wanted to be the big brother he thought they deserved: someone they could trust and talk to, a cool guy they could admire, that they relied on him. He worked very hard to be like that and had done so for years.

 

But the voices came again, reminding him of that time when he was really injured. No one cared. His brothers didn’t even notice.

 

There was the anxiety again. The insecurity. It was like a drop of water falling from a wet plant, making that annoying  noise water always does when it falls. Sometimes it was more like a heavy rain trying to mess with his confidence until there was nothing left of it. That’s why he tried to be strong. To stay positive. He needed to be the cool guy, he needed his shades and leather jacket so that the voices and the flood don’t get to him.

 

Karamatsu looked at his surroundings. Everything was pitch black. He was only able to see the drops of water falling from the black ceiling into the dark pond of water that was the floor. His positivity kept him sane. His love for his brothers and his delusion that they somehow loved him back, kept that place where he was now filled with light, with music and memories of their childhood adventures. Pretty pictures hanging from the walls.

 

But now everything was so fucking black. And blue. Tons of blue.

 

When did this happened? How? He worked so hard… Karamatsu thought about it while the water kept falling, increasing the pain in his chest. The pain was numb at first, but it became so big that it was making it hard to breathe, or  speak. To ask for help. He remembered  all his hard work: He knew everything about his brothers. For example, Osomatsu’s favorite food and his favorite kind of crepes, which of all the Nyaa-chan’s merchandise Choromatsu needed to complete his collection. Heck, he knew every step in  Jyuushimatsu’s workout, all of Totty’s social pages and the special spots where Ichimatsu fed  his cats.

 

He knew everything. He loved his brothers. He would give his life for them in a second. So, when did this place became so black? Where was  the light? The music? The lovely adventures? Why was there  a rock in his chest making breathing so difficult? Why the fuck did he started feeling like the worst crap ever?

 

Karamatsu sighed or, at least, he tried. He was trapped in that dark place, the water falling now like it was dark honey, heavy and bitter, making a horrible noise that made thinking a very complicated process. He tried to get up but, where could he go? The black honey was everywhere, oozing from the dark walls. Damn, it was coming out from the floor and he wasn’t able to move at all. The disgusting sound that weird liquid made was making  the voices sound louder. Very loud. Too loud.

He had no choice at all, the only thing he could do was stay there like an idiot, surrounded by the black goo and those voices. He hated them. At first he hated them because they told him  bad things about his brothers but, as time passed, he realized that the voices were  NOT telling him bad things about his brothers. When the voices transformed into some kind of humanoid figure and he realized that they were five voices, each with a single  color, Karamatsu had no choice but to accept the fact that those voices were  whispering worse things than  mean words about his brothers.

 

Those voices were  his brothers. They were  saying mean things, of course. They always do, 24/7. No pauses, no vacations. They kept going on for hours and hours, being louder every time he messed up. The voices were  mean. Hurtful. And they always had something to say.

Something to say about Karamatsu,  of course.

 

He tried so hard to be the greatest big brother ever, but he kept fucking everything up. Why wasn’t he  able to connect with his brothers even when he tried so hard? The voices grew louder again, so loud his ears were  hurting, but Karamatsu knew that the voices were  telling him what he didn’t want  to hear; they were  lifting the veil from his eyes. The voices told Karamatsu one thousand times that, no matter how good he became at playing dumb for his brothers, no matter how much he smiled at them and tried to learn about them, no matter how much he fucking  worked at  his “Cool Guy” charade, they would never love him back.

 

That  sudden realization made him shriek in horror. His whole body trembling while the black goo was still trying to fill up that damned dark room, covering all the blue, all the colours, leaving only those voices that had the form of his brothers, pointing at him with his fingers and their faces distorted in disgust. The pain in his chest threatened  to break him in half, as his brothers’ words started cutting his skin  deeper and deeper. Karamatsu screamed even when no one would hear him. Screamed with all his might, trying to cover the voices with his own voice, but the words were  hurting him deeply to the point where he was bleeding blue.

Blue because he was sad. 

 

Blue because nobody wanted him and he had to act tough so nobody noticed. 

 

Blue because he felt empty for a long time but hid  it under a lot of positivity, thinking everything would change if he worked hard.  But his hard work meant nothing because nobody wanted him, nobody would ever want him.

 

Karamatsu is a failure.

 

Karamatsu is painful.

 

Karamatsu is useless.

 

The noise was too loud, his brothers were laughing at him while he was fighting against the stupid goo that was filling the room he couldn’t escape  from. It was almost full, somehow the voices were  still there screaming at his ears while he was being surrounded and dragged inside the dark matter. 

 

He just wanted to be loved, dammit . He worked so hard.

 

_ “I am not good enough?” _ He thought, taking his last breath before the dark swallowed him,  _ “Why did they stop  loving me? Did  they ever love  me at all? Is anyone ever going to love me?” _

 

Karamatsu felt the pressure in his whole body as  he was being pulled down.  His efforts were  meaningless, his persona was meaningless, everything was completely meaningless because nobody wanted him.

 

And now it wasn’t the voices saying that. It was  his own voice, his real voice, was the only thing he could hear.

\-------------------------------------------------

A loud gasp came out of his mouth as he woke up. Karamatsu stayed completely still, feeling a chill go  down his spine, cold sweat glued  his hair to his forehead. Little by little, the numbness in  his body disappeared  as he looked around to realize that he was in their room. His body felt light, he thought , but his head was a bloody mess. It was like having a rock on top of his neck, a rock that now was covered in sweat.

 

A lot of sweat.

 

He took a moment to think about his situation, since  he couldn’t remember why the hell he was in the bedroom,  lying on the couch in the first place. Karamatsu tried to remember, but all that came to his mind was that terrifying dream he had about the room, and his brothers and… Then, it hit him like a truck.

 

“Fuck… He hit me. Ichimatsu hit me and left  me on the sidewalk “ he muttered, trying to get up even when he felt like every inch of his body was begging him to stay down. 

 

Why did he do that, though? They were  all eating oden at Chibita’s stall, drinking  beer, making  jokes. Then they played a card game and, for the first time in his life, Karamatsu was winning. Todomatsu and Choromatsu retreated at the second round, Jyuushimatsu in the fourth and Osomatsu was the last one to lose even though he tried really hard to win (Karamatsu was sure that he tried to cheat). So, it was only the two of them: Ichimatsu and Karamatsu. It was just a stupid card  game but Karamatsu was so excited because he was winning and the rest of his brothers  were  cheering for him, that he forgot how vengeful Ichi could be.

 

“That son of a… Non, non, I can’t say that about my beautiful mother. She’s a Saint! An angel sent  by the very gods to take care of this family. She deserves a painting! A monument! A mountain with her face sculpted onto  it”

 

Except his younger brother, of course. That asshole punched him right in the jaw when Karamatsu won the game and left him on the sidewalk to rot. What if he was actually injured? If someone tried to hurt him or steal something from him? Ichimatsu didn’t care a single fuck but, then again, none of them did.

 

“Nobody really cares about me, huh?”

 

His dream was real. They don’t  love him.

 

Karamatsu stayed like that  for a while, thinking about what to do now. Saying it out loud made it more tangible, even more real. Maybe this was his chance to change, after all. He could use this to fuel himself up and try to get a job and, with that, he would be able to leave. He could leave everything behind. 

 

The problem was that he didn’t wanted to leave but, what other choice did he have ? Keeping things the way there were now was definitely not good if provoked those weird dreams.

 

His determination started to crash down as soon as it raised  up. After all, what if he never got a job? What if he could never leave? He was not good enough! Just as Karamatsu was panicking on the couch, with his fingers scratching hard at  his head in search for answers, his cellphone rang. His hands were shaking but somehow Karamatsu managed to take it out of his pocket and look at the screen. He had a message from an unknown number.

 

_ “Probably a mail chain or some company selling something” _ , he thought, ready to delete it. But Karamatsu was feeling so frustrated when  he realized it was the only message he received in weeks that  he decided to open  the message. Heck, he didn’t even know   **_why_ ** he was doing it, but it was not what he expected.

 

_ <<Dude! Can you believe this idiot? He asks me for some fashion advice and he ends up using something completely different. He made me walk for hours to find the right clothes!! Hours! During finals! Look, this is what I got him. Aren’t I the very besssst?>> _

 

The message came with a picture. Karamatsu wasn’t the kind of guy who peered on other people’s business  but if this was related somehow to fashion he had to know, end of story. Besides, this was actually a good distraction. With that in mind clicked on the link that was in the message so he was able to see the picture. And he whistled .

 

_ “Wow, that looks nice…” _

 

He had to admit it, it was a nice outfit. Blue shirt, dark tight  pants, a white  belt, a gold necklace. Something like that looked good on anybody, even he  had the urge to wear it. No, he corrected himself, he  **_wanted_ ** to wear that outfit and rock it. Now the problem  was that this was a stranger who sent that by mistake so he couldn’t just ask  them right  away where he could find those clothes. First, he had to tell them a few things.

 

_ <<Hey, sorry my good friend. I think you got the wrong number. But that is quite an outfit , so manly and elegant…  I hope you don't  think I'm rude but if you could tell me where can I get such fine clothing, you would make my day. Also, good luck with your finals>> _

 

_ <<OMG! I’m so sorry! I must have dialed everything wrong… Curse u, stupid touchscreen!>> _

 

There was a little pause and Karamatsu thought  that was it, when his phone ringtone filled the room again.

 

_ <<And thanks. It was pretty hard to choose an outfit for my friend, but the asshole insists on using some sparkly yellow thing. Poor dude it’s going to scare his girl away like that… Aah… This may be a little weird but if u really like those clothes u can buy them in a special store, it only sells unique stuff. One of a kind. It's … Kinda hidden, though. Here’s the address   ;P ;P Fair warning everything there is awesome but expensive, so save some money before going in>> _

 

All right , that was a good response. There was another text with the clothes shop address , decorated with a few emojis. This person was kind of nice, telling him what he wanted to know without thinking he was weird for asking. Couldn’t help but smile for the first time in weeks.

 

_ <<Thanks a lot, dearest friend. I shall go in there and pick the  MOST beautiful  fashion in your honor! I’ll wear it with pride and, when someone asks me where I found such ravishing clothing, I’ll tell them the story about the coolest strange person who send me a message by mistake>> _

 

_ <<Well that will get you some odd looks. But you must be used to that, aren’t you? I mean, if you speak the way you write, people surely looks at you in a weird way… Though I like it! I might  copy you, my weird unknown  person whose  number I got by mistake>> _

 

Karamatsu’s  heart raced a little. This person was being pretty nice to him and, apparently, didn’t find him painful . They even said they liked his way of writing! He was about to squeal in  joy but he suddenly remembered his brothers faces and everything went down.

 

_ <<You probably shouldn't do that>> _ he wrote, sinking down again into  the couch feeling completely worn out.  _ <<People  will make fun of you. They will probably  call you names… So better if you don’t >> _

 

The phone sounded again so quickly, that it made him jump in surprise.

 

_ <<Like I give a shit about that! Who cares what other people think? Life is too short for that, I could be dead tomorrow. You could be dead tomorrow. There’s no time to stop and try to be like what everyone else wants you to be or worry about what others might  think about you. You just… Be the best version of yourself and that's  it =3 >> _

 

For a second, he didn’t know what to do. How was he going to reply to something like that? After that dream he had, Karamatsu knew that he was not the kind of person who could just  live his life without worrying about other people’s opinion . He knew that this person was right  in some way  but, at the same time, Karamatsu was unable to understand how they were able to not worry .

 

He was barely able to function without his sunglasses on.

 

He couldn't  recognize himself in the mirror anymore.

 

Karamatsu  realized he wasn’t responding, but he was not able to move. His fingers felt shaky , weak, like a noodle that was left too long in hot water. Maybe it would be for the best if he erased the messages and pretended nothing happened. This entire moment would become something else, something that could  bury  in the depths  of his memory. He was about to do it, erase the whole chat but then  his cellphone made a sound again.

 

_ <<So, are you interested in fashion? I mean, I know this may sound weird , but you seemed really interested in the outfit  I picked out for my friend, so… Ugh, this is weird, isn't it? You don’t even know me>> _

 

This was the perfect moment! Now he could apologize, say goodbye and erase everything. He had to! But… This was a rare opportunity, finding  a kind soul that was also interested in clothes and fashion. He had to know more.

 

_ <<My name is Karamatsu. Now you know  me. And I love fashion>> _

 

After the longest four seconds of his life, his phone was buzzing again with a reply.

 

_ <<Well, you can call me Yu. And it turns out I’m a fashion designer so I love fashion too!>> _

 

He was not able to erase the texts. Yu was such a nice person! Oh, and his fashion sense! Both of them spent a long time chatting, writing texts to each other. Yu showed pictures of his school, some of his works and he even told him about the best places to find clothes at a good price. Karamatsu was overjoyed. He was talking about everything he liked with someone who shared his passion, someone who was not making fun of him. Maybe a little. According to Yu, his shorts were  “so last season” and he was using too much sequins, but most of the time Yu was really into his fashion. 

 

Karamatsu took pictures of his magazines and Yu told him that those were  good issues, but that the models would look better if they zipped up their jackets.

 

_ <<They’d  be more like bad boys. You know, like in western movies! Add some motorcycle leather gloves, a nice pair of boots and you are done. Like, damn. No one can look bad with that! Aren’t I right , Karamatsu?>> _

 

He was right! Totally right! Karamatsu nodded fiercely even though  he was all alone. He laughed at Yu’s weird jokes, at his comments about some of the outfits which, according  to him: 

 

_ “Looked like someone lost a bet and was made to use the most terrible thing they could find” _

 

The young Neet was so happy he asked  a lot of questions. After all, he had to know more about this person if he wanted to become their friend. That’s how he found out that Yu was studying in Sekirotawa College of Arts and Design , a school famous for having the weirdest and eccentric  students. He was also working part-time in a maids and butlers cafe and, sometimes, he was a model as one of his closest friends had a model agency.  Karamatsu was dumbfounded… How was Yu capable to hold two jobs and studying at the same time? There it was that horrible feeling of failure growing inside him again.

 

_ <<You sure work a lot>> _ Karamatsu typed, anxiousness squeezing his stomach.  _ <<I can’t even get a job. Sometimes I don’t know if I want a job… Well, I do want a job now but I don’t think I can keep it>> _

 

And he did it. Now that he admitted he was a worthless NEET, Yu would never talk to him again. Or  write him. What was he thinking, spitting his failures like that? Nobody wanted a NEET. He was about to apologize but Karamatsu realized he already had a reply .

 

_ <<So? Don’t feel bad about that O_o>> _  Yu wrote and Karamatsu’s heart skipped a beat  _ <<I know that everybody always pressures you to finish school, find a career, then a job… Or both a the same time. Then u have to get a house, a partner and two kids. But it’s not that easy. I mean, dude, I only found out what I wanted to do two years ago! I’m in my second year at college! And even so my friends and I sometimes make a lot of stupid decisions and shit>> _

 

_ <<Really?>> _

 

_ <<Totally! Like the time I left all my essays and work for the last week and ended up working every day 'til 5 am drinking energetic drinks. One time I mixed a whole can of energy drink with black coffee. NEVER AGAIN.>> _

 

Karamatsu didn’t know that he could laugh so hard.

 

_ <<Are you serious, Yu? C’mon… I'm pretty sure it couldn’t be THAT bad>> _

 

_ <<I woke up in a tree , wearing  only my underwear . Someone called the firemen to bring  me down to the ground . The siren woke me up. When I came home, there was cat food everywhere. I don’t even have a cat!>> _

 

That sounded like something he and his brothers would do, he could even imagine the whole display. The house filled with cat food, Choromatsu sleeping in a tree  with nothing but his undies. Ichimatsu too, of course, and the firemen trying to put him back on firm ground. Karamatsu was laughing so hard his stomach hurt , he had to hold onto his ribcage because he was absolutely sure something was going to fall off from there.

 

_ <<You can’t be serious!>> _

 

_ <<I am not lying . I have  proof. My friends took a picture of my place before I could clean. Anyway, see? I’m not perfect. I finished high school online and started working very young because I don’t have a family who takes care of me. Even if you have it, it’s… It’s not easy. There’s this pressure, you know? Everybody wants you to grow up, to do things, to be responsible. Like there’s some script you should be following>> _

 

_ <<Yes… That is indeed true>> _

 

_ <<But things don’t have to be that way. I mean, I only work because I have to pay for my own stuff. If I had my family they probably would give me everything I wanted and pamper me like when I was a child. They wouldn’t want me to work.  But I don’t have that anymore, so I work. No one likes to work, that’s the truth. Unless you work in something that you like. That’s why I like my work. It can be hard sometimes, but it’s so much fun that you forget about it. You meet tons of different people, listen to conversations…  But I don’t wanna be a model forever, and I can’t  depend on my work at the coffee shop either.  That’s why I looked for something that I liked so much that I don’t give a fuck if I have to study, or if it’s expensive, or if  I have to breath the same air as the spoiled rich brats that swarm in my school. You following me, Karamatsu?>> _

 

_ <<I think I do. But I don’t know how to start. I want to change, I want to grow and become a decent person but I can’t figure this thing out>> _

 

_ << think you are a pretty decent person. I mean, we’ve talking for half an hour and didn’t send me a dick pic, that’s actually a record>> _

 

Even though Karamatsu found that kind of funny , he was not in the mood to laugh anymore.

 

_ <<Yu, I’m serious>> _

 

_ <<So am I. Trust me. I’ve seen so many terrible things…  But the point is that you seem decent enough. You just need to find your place in the world! Or a road that takes you to your place in this world, if you catch my drift. So, here’s some advice: Chill the fuck out>> _

 

He arched his eyebrow in disbelief.

 

_ <<Really? Just chill?>> _

 

_ <<Yep. Take this time to find out what you like to do, like I did. When you find it, make a living out of it. I won’t lie, it may take time. Or a lot of work. But in the end, I’ll promise you it’s worth it>> _

 

He thought about it for a moment.  _ “Finding something that I like…” _ It sounded nice. He could do that while searching for a job. There had to be something he was good at, something that could become his future career.  Afterall , he learned to play the guitar on his own. At least he could try.  What could he lose?

 

_ <<You know, my dear friend who has a problem with energy drinks, you are very smart>> _

 

_ <<You bet your ass I am, dude>> _

 

_ <<You are the kind of ‘Cool Guy’ I have always wanted to be. Is that weird?>> _

 

_ <<Nah, I’ll take it as a compliment. Besides I think you’re cool too. I mean, “coolness” can be a lot of things and have a lot of meanings, right?>> _

 

<< _ Right _ >>

 

Suddenly, the house became noisy. There were footsteps, voices and some screams at the front door. Karamatsu flinched and twisted his mouth when he realized that his brothers were back because that meant he wouldn’t be able to keep chatting with Yu. He knew them enough to know they would try to pry. If they read their conversation then Karamatsu would never hear the end of it.

 

_ <<It seems that my family has come back home and I must attend to them, my dearest fashion companion. But… I would like to talk to you some more, some other  time. Would you mind if I do? It’s alright if you don’t want to. It’s just that in this house I have no one to talk to about fashion! Can you imagine?>> _

 

To be honest, that was a lame excuse. He only wanted to talk to someone new, someone who was not going to call him a failure all the time. Karamatsu wanted a friend and Yu was so nice… He didn’t wanted to be in the dark room filled with black goo again.

 

_ <<That must be terrible! How dare they? Well I don’t mind, I think you are pretty nice. A few warnings tho: No dick/titty pics, no homophobic, transphobic or sexist bullshit and I’m all yours>> _

 

<< _ Why would I send you…? Never mind, I would never do anything like that. I am a gentleman, sir. And I don’t disrespect anybody either>> _

 

_ <<Sorry, but I had to make sure =(  _ _  I mean… My best friends are gay, trans, and there is a lot of crappy people out there. Last time I had a chat with someone like this, one dude send me more than five dick pics. And when I told this other person about the time I went with my best friend to the gay pride parade… Ugh, it was horrible>> _

 

Well, If he had been through that he would be a little paranoid too. What kind of guys do that kind of things, really? A real man, he thought, had to be a gentleman to everybody, not sending pictures of your privates to unknown  people. If Yu was bothered by that, how would women feel? Just thinking  about it made him cringe. Or maybe it was the fact that his brothers were at the living room, probably eating, and they could come into the room at any time.

 

_ <<I understand. I would be carefull too after that. But I promise, Yu, that my intentions are noble and pure, as I only want to know you better>> _

 

_ <<Haha! I really like when you write in that way… All right, then. You can add my number. Send me messages whenever you want but remember, if I don’t answer right away it’s cause I’m at work or class. Just… Don’t call. It makes me anxious, I dunno why>> _

 

_ <<Don’t worry about it. I actually prefer writing too. I better leave you now, I have to take care of my brothers. It was nice to meet you… And thanks. For everything you said>> _

 

_ <<It was nice to meet you too, Karamatsu. And don’t sweat, I was just being honest. Bye! Write me later! (^__^)/>> _

 

Karamatsu was barely able to hide his phone inside his pocket when his brothers came into the room, or rather,  they were like a stampede of loud animals, yapping at the same time. Not a single one of his brothers noticed his presence, nor even asked how he was after Ichimatsu beat the crap out of him and left him all alone in the streets. But he didn’t mind. Karamatsu couldn’t really believe it himself, but he actually didn’t mind. He felt cheerful and light, as if suddenly all of his worries just washed away. Just feeling the heaviness of his cellphone was enough to warm his chest, like there was no pain anymore.

 

He had a friend, a person that understood him.

 

He was not worthless.

 

Karamatsu inhaled deeply and looked at his surroundings, ignoring his brothers who were fighting about some bet, his eyes were drawn to  his guitar case. It had been a long time since he had played. He remembered he had to find something that he liked so he got up, walked to where his guitar case was and picked it up. 

 

Karamatsu looked at his brothers one last time… He still wanted his brothers to recognize him, of course, but he knew that he shouldn’t wish for that. Which made him sad and also made him feel weak and lonely. Karamatsu grew some courage and pressed his guitar case against his chest before leaving the room.

  
They could ignore him all the time if they wanted but he was not going to stay still, waiting for their love forever. He was going to change. He had to change so he could live. Karamatsu smiled as he went to the roof… With a new tune suddenly popping into his mind.


	2. All my senseless love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everybody! I never thougth anybody would like my fic xD Honestly, thank you. I hope you like this chapter. It's short, buth chapter 3 compensates for it. So, as always, If you have any suggestion or correction, just tell me. After all, this is not my first language, so I am prone to make mistakes. Specially with tenses and time xD
> 
> Hope you like it!

 

A few days later, Karamatsu's phone vibrated against his chest. He opened his eyes with a faint smile on his face, both tired and energetic at the same time. He got up as quietly as he could, getting away from the futon he shared with his brothers so he wouldn't wake them up.

After all, it was six in the morning and waking them up at this hour would cause the same damages that releasing a Kraken or something like that would…

 

That’s why he took his clothes, left the room silently and headed towards the kitchen to change there and make something for him to eat.

 

Even after going to sleep pretty late last night, he felt good. This was a new day. After having breakfast he’d take a stroll on to the park, then he’d practice with his guitar and maybe try to write something down. Then he was going to train a little to keep in shape. It helped him feel better and kept his mind on other stuff, rather that torturing himself over his brothers’ lack of  love. Sometimes, it also gave him inspiration.

 

“I should probably run and train first. Then come back, wash myself and take the guitar. I could break it if I take it with me all the time and I don’t have the money to repair it. Or worse. Replace it if I lost it or if somebody stole it. They are quite expensive”

 

With that in mind, he started to make breakfast. Poached eggs, bread and jam, cereal with milk, and bananas. Yu always told him that he had to eat a nice, filling breakfast whenever he had to train, especially if he got up early in the morning. And it always had to have bananas to avoid muscle cramps. While he was preparing everything, as quiet as humanly possible, he couldn’t help but smile just thinking about his friend… There was another reason to get up early, a little selfish reason.

 

His cell phone vibrated again in his pocket. Karamatsu smiled as he took it from his hoodie, watching the screen at the same time he served the food for himself on the kitchen counter. Using the dining room would be troublesome at this hour.

  


_ <<Hello there, gorgeous! How is the man with the largest collection of sequins of the whole universe?>> _

 

_ <<Well, thank you! This man takes a lot of pride in his magnificent collection of shining outfits, chosen specifically to make people think about my shining heart, too. I am perfectly fine, thanks for asking. Having breakfast, healthy and filling as you recommended>> _

 

_ <<Does it have bananas?>> _

 

 _ <<Indeed it has bananas _>>  He answered, eating the cereal first. Then the eggs and bread, bananas were for last.

 

<< _I wouldn’t dare to make you worry about my safety like that, to the point of making you fail your tests >> _

 

_ <<Keep telling that to yourself, dear. We all need dreams. Hey, all jokes aside… Are u okay waking up at this hour? I mean, I have to because school but… Well, I know it’s early>> _

 

_ <<Fear not, my friend! I am perfectly fine! I always wake up at this hour, since I have to train a lot to keep my charming shape. Only the best for my Karamatsu Girls>> _

 

_ <<OMG, stop saying that! Haha, god you’re so weird>> _

 

As soon as he knew that Yu got up every day at 6am, he knew he had to do the same. It would give him more time to speak with his friend. When Yu told him that he was into sports, Karamatsu figured out that he could train again. He used to train to be fit and impress girls but now… It was different somehow.

 

Yu talked to him about his presentation for that day. He had two essays about history of art and fashion, then he had to present a few designs based on artistic concepts or styles. Then he had to prove he was able to make different kinds and sizes of patterns.

 

_ <<That sounds exhausting, Yu. Do you also have classes after that?>> _

 

_ <<Well, of course OuO It’s not like the other classes get suspended only because we have exams. After that, I’ll go to work and then training. Then I’ll fill myself with cup ramen and coffee while studying. Nice, huh? =P >> _

 

_ <<Isn’t that tiring?>> _

 

_ <<Yes, but it’s not like I have other choice. I need money for school and food. But I don’t really mind. I like what I do. So… How’s your own crusade?>> _

 

“Crusade” was the name they gave to Karamatsu’s search for something he liked to do.

 

_ <<I’m still on it. For now, I realized that I’m a decent cook, but I don’t see myself doing that for a living.  Running helps, though. It opens my mind. Also music>> _

 

_ <<What do you mean by music?>> _

 

Karamatsu wrote him that he played guitar, and that he learned by himself

 

_ <<Dude, that’s awesome! I’m horrible with instruments… Here u have the only person on the entire world who can detune using a flute. A flute!>> _

 

He laughed under his breath, eating while he was writing, feeling positive. Really positive for a change. He loved talking to Yu… They exchanged fashion advices, adventures and misadventures (like the time he got stuck in a tree or that time when Yu lost a bet and had to dress like a chicken). His favorite part was when the two of them played a game of “answers and questions”, in which one of them ask a question to the other, get an answer, then they had to answer the same question and then it was the other person’s turn to make a new question. No one has ever asked about his hobbies or things that he liked before.

 

_ <<So, Karaboy, what’s your favorite food?>> _

 

_ <<Anything that has meat on it, actually. But I must declare my fondness to hamburgers>> _

 

_ <<Sooo typical. Mine is soup. Any kind of soup, but especially if has lots of vegetables and cheese>> _

 

_ <<Oh, then you must be good at cooking, dearest Yu. Or do you live off of take-outs?>> _

 

_ <<Both?>> _

 

Karamatsu laughed as he read that.

 

_ <<Honestly I can’t cook shit without burning the house down. Well, no, I can make soup LOL So It’s either homemade soup or ramen cups. I love ramen cups. But I’m actually a very decent baker, believe it or not! I can make the best strawberry shortcake you’ve ever tasted!>> _

 

_ <<What a coincidence! I’m not very good at baking but I’ve been told my cooking skills could make the stars fall>> _

 

_ <<Show off… So, what music do you like?>> _

 

They sent each other names of bands and songs, they talked about sports and a lot of stuff. These little chats with Yu were becoming longer and longer, but he didn’t mind at all. As long as his brothers didn’t know, he was a happy man chatting with his new friend. When it was time to leave, he said goodbye to Yu and prepared himself for running. Karamatsu left his house, feeling the cold air of the morning filling up his lungs. He inhaled deeply, looked at his house one last time and then left.

 

The park was a good place to exercise. Just walking up to the park was a good warm up. As soon as he got there he stretched his whole body conscientiously, not wanting to end up in pain.

 

The park was almost empty, except for the few people who were training just like him, so he didn’t mind doing this kind of stuff in public. His workout routine consisted of walking four times around the whole park to warm up, before running for a while at a steady pace.

 

He loved running. He felt free when he was running, like he was flying in a weird sense. Flying in a world only filled with the music of his cell phone.  He was free to be himself, free to enjoy every step he made on the ground. His body felt light and heavy at the same time, his heart racing at the rythm of the music, pounding heavily inside his chest. Karamatsu felt quick and powerful, like nothing could stop him from getting whatever he wanted. He was graciously floating over the ground with no worries at all.  He had no need for a charade or a persona, he didn’t have to act or hide.

 

He was himself.

 

After running, he bought a bottle of water and then he went to the other side of the park where instead of playgrounds, there were some fitness equipment built by the government so people could exercise for free. There was a stationary bike, an elliptical, bars, a special bench for crunches, steppers and things like that, all made of recyclable materials and attached to the ground.

 

Only music sounded in his head during the whole workout, until he came home.

 

After a long, hot shower, Karamatsu went to the living room dressed in his typical blue hoodie and jeans. He was too worn out to wear his flashy clothes or his leather jacket. He just wanted to  eat something delicious, a few snacks and then play his guitar for a few hours. He sat there, ignoring everybody mainly because he was too busy with his cellphone to notice that his brothers were in the same room, waiting for their mom’s food. They were having breakfast, he… He was just replenishing his fuel tank.

 

_ <<How was your morning, Yu?>> _

 

He didn’t got a reply. For a second, he felt anxious. What if his friend was tired of him? Was he a bother to Yu?

 

_ <<I ran a lot today. Lots of workout. It helps me a lot, actually. Now I’m going to practice with my guitar… I have a few tunes in my head and tons of words mixed too, maybe I can make something out of it? I don’t know, my brothers always make fun of me when I sing. Anyway, good luck with your tests.>> _

 

He had to calm down. Yu had a lot of tests and essays that day, it was normal he didn’t reply right away.  He always did, but his friend also warned him that sometimes he wouldn’t be able to do so during finals.

 

His mother brought food (rice, meat and tamagoyaki) for everybody. He ate in silence, thinking about the music in his head and the words that were scattered there, trying to give them some sense. Karamatsu knew he could compose a song, but everything was so mixed up that he had no idea what to do. He ate, thinking, so he was not as fast or loud as his brothers who were practically falling over the food.

 

“Karamatsu nii-san!”

 

“Hum?”  He looked up only to be greeted by a wide grin, and the always cheerful eyes of his younger brother. “Yes, my little Jyuushimatsu?”

 

“You got up early today! You were not in bed when I woke up! Why? Whyyyy?”

 

“Oh… I was just training, brother.”  He rolled his eyes, thinking in a way to get out of the conversation. He did not wanted to answer questions that could give them any clue about Yu’s existence. “You know… Muscle, muscle?”

 

“Hustle, hustle”

 

Karamatsu felt relieved, thanking to the gods that Jyuushimatsu’s attention span was so short. But a soft chuckle told him he was not safe yet.

 

“But, Karamatsu nii-san, it’s true that you’ve been out every morning “  Todomatsu said, his face glued to his phone.

 

He always complained when Totty did that but now… “Are you keeping secrets from us? Maybe you have a… Girlfriend?”

 

He didn’t have to answer because as soon Totty finished that sentence, everybody just burst into laughter. It was mean, really mean. Making fun of him, reminding him that nobody wanted to be by his side. But it was not that bad now, he had a friend. Yeah, that’s right, he had a friend! And he was working out and trying to figure out what he wanted to do in life to be a better man!

 

“Well, that’s nice of you, Todomatsu. Worrying  like that, maybe you do care about me after all.”  He said, smiling like always to his younger brother. But something must have gone wrong, because Todomatsu just widened his eyes in surprise and lift his face from his phone.

 

“But I don’t keep secrets to my lovely family, like some people do. I just go to the park to train and use the free fitness equipment. The earlier I go, the less chances that I would find children messing with the escalator and such. It’s not that I mind, but the little ones leave everything covered in mud, grass, and… Bubblegum.”

 

He flung himself forward to grab a bit of tamagoyaki and ate it, at that moment he had an epiphany.  So, that’s how his brothers felt whenever they said some shit to make others feel awkward. It was weird for him, it felt different but not in a way he could express correctly, as it made him feel powerful but bad at the same time. Karamatsu didn’t like to do it, of course, he cared too much about his brothers and wanted to be nice to them. But it was getting difficult lately.

 

“So, I apologize if I woke you up. I’ll try to be as quiet as I can, since you all need your beauty sleep”  he said, eating while he tried to change the subject.

 

Everybody was too quiet for a while and Karamatsu’s heart raced in fear. If they were too quiet, they could hear his phone ringing and one thing would lead to another. They would want to know about his friend, maybe meet him. And Karamatsu didn’t wanted that.

 

For the first time in his life, he wanted something for himself.

 

Brunch went well, as they all started talking about Choromatsu’s obsession with Nyaa-chan, Totty was playing with his phone, Ichi was at his side caressing one of his cats while he ate. Karamatsu kept silent, just eating, hearing everything they said. His brothers never included him in the conversations, they didn’t addressed him at all for that matter. Heck, they still did not apologize for the card game incident. His brothers continued with their lives as if he were just an inanimate object that happened to be in the same room as them at the time.

 

So be it.

 

Karamatsu stood up, took his plates to the kitchen and washed them in the very presence of his mother, who stared at him in awe. It seemed that she couldn’t believe that her child was cleaning something.  It was like a miracle. Poor woman almost fainted when Karamatsu told her that he wanted to do some chores in the house, so she wouldn't work that much.

 

“As soon as I finish practicing I can do whatever you need. It’s only going to be an hour or two. Is that okay, mother?”

 

”Y-yes, my dear. I’ll… I’ll wait. There’s a lot you could help me with, actually.”

 

Karamatsu felt his chest warming up, seeing his mother excited about something so small. At the same time, that showed just how much her sons have taken her for granted, never helping in anything.

 

He had to change that if he wanted to be better. He went back to the dining room, looking for his guitar case (which he left there previously so he could just eat and leave) but he ended up finding his fourth brother playing with it. Ichimatsu’s face was contorted, almost like everybody else’s.

 

_“What did I do now?”_

 

“You are disgusting.” Ichimatsu groaned, looking at him like he was smelling dung.  “Pretending to be good and helpful, who do you think you are, Shittymatsu?”

 

“What do you mean, brother?”

 

“I Heard you, being all sweet and caring with mom. What are you planning to do, huh?”

 

“I’m just helping her a little. We don’t work nor study, so I figured I could help with chores as compensation”

 

“Eeeh?!”  Karamatsu didn’t have to turn around to realize Osomatsu was the one complaining. “You have to be shitting me!? C’mon Karamatsu, what’s gotten into you? You are just trying to make us look bad, right?”

 

“Wha…? Non, non, brother. I just thought it would be a nice gest..”

 

Ichimatsu got up in a second, groaning, making that repulsed face he always made whenever Karamatsu made a mistake. They were close, only a few inches separating their faces, and for a moment Karamatsu went back to that room in his mind.

 

“Ugggh, just shut up already, Shittymatsu! What makes you think we want to hear all those stupid lies of yours? Just stop doing it! Do you think you are better than us now, or something? You are just trash, Shittymatsu. Learn your place.”

 

The room that used to be filled with laughter and games, was now completely flooded with blackness and despair, the voices resounding in his ears louder and louder, fueled by Ichimatsu’s words. The voices laughed, screamed, they were repeating every word and it felt like knives cutting through his skin. Why did they do that? Why did his brothers always make him feel like nothing?

 

He just wanted to be a better person, to improve. He wanted to change… Or something like that. Karamatsu clenched his fists, reliving that creepy nightmare of his and was about to give up everything.

 

Then his cellphone vibrated and that was all he needed.

 

Suddenly Karamatsu’s hands were clinging onto something at the same time he heard a cracking sound in his head, sending all the voices into the void.

 

Karamatsu was holding his brother by his clothes,  looking straight into Ichimatsu’s surprised eyes, face to face.

 

“Well, maybe I do. Maybe I do think I’m better than you. At least I’m pretty sure I am better than the guy who looks like a hobo and smells like cat piss and loneliness, am I right?”

 

Ichimatsu swallowed. Karamatsu heard Totty gasping and his other brothers getting up, whispering and probably moving towards him to try and separate the two of them.

 

“The thing is, my brother, that probably I am better than you because I have never beat the crap out of you and left you completely passed out on a damned sidewalk, alone, without thinking that something bad could happen to you… Have I?”

 

Before he knew what he was doing, Karamatsu pushed his brother away and Ichimatsu stumbled, falling on his back against the wall.

 

He didn’t want this, Karamatsu never wanted to be like that with his brothers. He loved them, he cherished them. He wanted to be their friend and companion, but, what was the point in that when they didn’t treat him like a human being? It was like a bad movie he was seeing from afar, like the guy who pushed Ichimatsu with gritted teeth was not himself.

 

But it was. He couldn’t stop.

 

Osomatsu ran to him, grabbing him by the shoulder.

 

“Dude, what the fuck?!”

 

His brother always thought he was the strongest of them all. The truth is that Jyuushimatsu was the strongest, but Karamatsu was the second strongest person in the household. Even so, he limited himself to just pushing Osomatsu away. He didn’t want to hurt his brothers physically, no matter how many times he had been beaten by them in the past.

 

“And you allowed it!”  Karamatsu turned around to see his brothers, all four of them since Ichimatsu was still glued to the wall. Their expressions told him they were scared… Scared of him? Really? Like he would ever lay a finger on them!

 

Not like they hadn’t tried the other way around. More than angry, he was hurt. Hurt because they always made him feel like a failure, because they ignored him despite all his efforts. But what pained him the most was that, despite all they had done to him, they were the ones looking at him in fear like he would try to hurt them.

 

“You all allowed it. You left me there like a pile of crap… We were all having fun and you… Y-you… Why would you do that to me? What if somebody robbed me or hurt me? Was it going to be like that time when Chibita kidnapped me? Were you going to forget about me and let me rot? Did you even think to apologize to me? You didn’t… It’s been more than a week, after all.”

 

With a mixture of sadness and anger, Karamatsu sighed deeply. He just turned around and saw his guitar case all alone, Ichimatsu nowhere to be found. He grabbed the damned thing and left, not looking back. Karamatsu made his way to the roof with teary eyes, his whole body shaking from the stress. Once he was on top of the roof, he took his cellphone and did his best to look at the screen, cursing under his breath as he tried to read while trying to control his own tears.

 

_ <<Hi there, Karaboy! My morning was fine, thanks for asking. Well, no, it actually sucked. So much stress =__=U But I did fine! I passed all my tests and my essays were almost perfect. If you do some music, let me hear it. I’m sure you’ll create a beautiful song. Don’t let them get to you, close your eyes and let the inspiration flow. I’m rooting for ya (^O^)/>> _

 

He couldn’t help but smile. At least someone believed in him.

 

_ <<I will.  Are you going to work now?>> _

 

_ <<Not yet! I’ve got the munchies, so I’m having brunch now xD I have a while before going to work. Wanna chat for a while? Unless you are busy with your music>> _

 

_ <<Even when the muses are whispering beautiful tunes to my ear, I will always have time for my  friend>> _

 

Chatting with Yu always made him feel better. Karamatsu thought about asking Yu for advice regarding his brothers, but he didn’t want Yu to know about that stuff yet. He just wanted to receive his messages, read about the crazy things in his school, get pictures of his designs and laugh at the always hilarious tales that Yu seemed to pop up from under his sleeve. It was fun. So when Yu had to leave for work, the sadness threatened to come back again. His friend made him promise he would send him any lyrics or songs he made, promised to send a message if something interesting happened at his work and after saying his goodbyes Karamatsu was left alone on the roof with his thoughts.

 

At least the sun made him feel better.

 

Karamatsu inhaled, took out his guitar from its case, and made himself comfortable. He closed his eyes and let the words fly. The feelings, everything that was in his head mixed up became completely free as his fingers played with the strings. The song he composed, the notes that he knew by heart, started filling the air as everything started to fit in place in a weird way. Yu believed in him. He had to let his inspiration flow… That’s how he let his emotions flow and with that, the words took a new meaning as soon as they left his mouth, allowing them to flee with a liberty he has never give them before.

_Stitches in my soul,_

_A heart’s dark glow,_

_Lures for the blind ones who don’t want to see._

_And all my senseless love._

_Pilgrims without  faith,_

_Whose wishes will  never come true,_

_Eternal rains that don’t wet,_

_Music that sounds even when I’m deaf,_

_And all this senseless and unwanted love._

_Their arms with no hands,_

_Their faces with no smiles,_

_Empty soundless words,_

_And my senseless love, cutting me into pieces._

_Laugh scratching my skin,_

_Their eyes that look but can never see_

_All this senseless love I have to give,_

_Tearing me into pieces._

_Giving all my heart,_

_Giving all I have,_

_Stretching my hands, smile to the sun,_

_All this senseless love bursting out of me._

_Their backs turned at me,_

_And all my senseless love._

A faint clap made him cringe and he almost fell from the roof. Karamatsu was sure that nobody would try to talk to him after what just happened but, when he turned around, he saw Jyuushimatsu standing a few meters away, barely looking at him. His eyes were red and so were his cheeks.

 

Now he felt like trash.

 

“That… was a nice song, Karamatsu nii-san. I mean… It was sad, but…” Jyuushimatsu seemed nervous, not that Karamatsu could blame him.  “Can I… sit with you?”

 

What kind of stoned cold demon would say no to that face?

 

“Of course, Jyuushimatsu. Come… Maybe you can help me to record it on my phone.”

 

His brother didn’t replied, just walked to him and sat at his side with a strong “plop!”. Jyuushi used his both hands to hug his own legs, resting his head on his knees. It was abnormal for him to be quiet, but Karamatsu figured he was still scared or didn’t know what to do in this kind of situation. Not that he knew what to do now, besides sitting there, both of them being totally awkward.

 

“Karamatsu nii-san”  Finally, Jyuushi was the first one to speak, trying to cover his face with his hands… Or better said, with the sleeves of his hoodie and his hands.  “I’m sorry.”

 

Karamatsu sighed heavily.

 

“No, I’m sorry. I am the second eldest son, it is my duty to stay calm. I shouldn’t have… Well… Said all that stuff.”

 

Jyuushimatsu shook his head side to side.

 

“You are right. Ichimatsu nii-san was mean, we all were mean to you. We never apologize. That’s bad. I am sorry, Karamatsu nii-san.” Jyuushimatsu’s expression was filled with shame, sadness and even pity.

 

Karamatsu couldn’t help but smile, stretching his hand to stroke Jyuushi’s hair.

 

“It’s all right. I know that my little Jyuushimatsu would never hurt me on purpose. Besides, you were the one who brought me home that time, weren’t you?”

 

His younger brother widened his eyes in shock.

 

“How did you know!? Where you awake?”

 

“Heh, not at all. But you are the only one who would do that, since you are a kind soul, my beloved brother.”

 

That seemed to be enough for him or so Karamatsu thought, because Jyuushimatsu started to laugh like he always did.

 

”So, you forgive me?”

 

“Yes, I forgive you. But...” He lifted one of his fingers and Jyuushi tensed his back, expecting something. ” I am still mad with the others.”

 

“Mad?!”  He said it as if he were witnessing the impossible in front of his eyes.

 

“More sad than mad”  Karamatsu replied, tuning the strings of his guitar.  “But still mad.”

 

“Are you going to be mad forever?”

 

“Non, non… Probably not. I just want them to apologize and treat me better. Maybe stop ignoring me would be nice. I know I never complain but it still hurts.”

 

His younger brother made his serious face while thinking. After a few minutes, he came back to the world of the living.

 

“Karamatsu nii-san. If I promise to try my best and not ignore you, will you promise me to do your best and complain if I do something bad to you?”

 

This was not the outcome he expected but, in the end, it was a good outcome.

 

Finally he was able to reach to one of his brothers, they made some kind of contact and now Jyuushi was trying his best to acknowledge him. This was a good start.

 

“Yes, brother. I promise.”

 

“Are we good now?”  Karamatsu nodded while playing his guitar, making him laugh loudly.  “I’m glad! Then we can go Muscle Hustle in the morning too?!”

 

“Ah, my dearest brother, as much as I don’t mind at all sharing those moments with you, I must confess that your training is way over the top for me. I don’t think I can keep up with you!”

 

“Geez, you are right! Then, then! How about music in the roof? We can do that, right? Can we, nii-san?”

 

He didn’t had the heart to say no. Besides, this was a good chance to reconnect.

 

“Of course, brother! I would never deny you the pleasure of listening to my magnificent skills. Your company may help the muses to inspire me”  He suddenly remembered something.

 

“Oh! By the way, can you help me to record my song, please?”

That afternoon, both of them spent some quality time on the roof. Jyuushimatsu even tried to play the guitar, but they had to stop when his brother’s attempts attracted an enormous colony of screaming cats. Karamatsu helped his mother with some chores after that, avoiding the rest of his brothers during the whole day by listening to music or playing his guitar.

 

That night, he slept on the couch on his own. It was weird not having his brothers at his sides but every feeling of solitude faded when his cell phone vibrated in the middle of the night.

 

_“Karaboy, I just listened to your song. It was beautiful. Dude, you have talent! Keep doing that! You should write more!”_

 

And Karamatsu fell asleep feeling happy, with a bunch of ideas in his head.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuuuun
> 
> Again, thanks to my new beta, the great Tsukikage_Hoshiko who helps me to transform this terrible thing into something readeable


	3. Berlin wall

 

Karamatsu nii-san was acting weird, or so Todomatsu thought. A few weeks back, his older brother had made radical changes and started to be more bothersome than usual, but in a different way than before. 

 

Karamatsu went from being a painful idiot with sparky clothes that said a lot of senseless shit to a… Well, to something different. It was like one of those old movies when a person is kidnapped by aliens and when they come back home they act like a completely different person.

 

Those movies always ended with someone mutating into a horrible monster, dead or with a bunch of aliens killing everybody.

 

Totty was rooting for the monsters.

 

Now Karamatsu always helped their mother with chores, he was always making dinner for her and was the first one to volunteer whenever she needed one of her children to buy something for her. 

 

When he was not helping around the house, Karamatsu spent his time writing like a madman in a little blue notebook that he carried with him at all times; sometimes he was practicing with his guitar, tuning it or trying out something new. He spent every morning out training, and he came back to eat breakfast with everybody, always silent except when their parents or Jyuushimatsu talked to him.

 

The rest of them were being ignored by him. Which was kind of ridiculous to Todomatsu, taking into account that Karamatsu was the one who always got ignored and bullied.

 

Totty watched his brother carefully, trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with him. Since when did Karamatsu have so much attitude? Since when did he have hopes or dreams? He was just an unworthy NEET like him! And he was the best of them, Totty was the chosen one to graduate from their NEEThood before any of his five brothers. Karamatsu simply could not win that race.

 

That’s why he watched over Karamatsu, to try and figure out on his own what  had happened to him. But all his spy work came to nothing at first, not being able to notice anything weird until he saw his brother smiling at his cellphone with an overjoyed expression in his face. 

 

Then it hit him: He didn’t see anything strange except that Karamatsu was using his phone. A lot. Sending messages, taking pictures. To whom? Why? All the questions were forming in his mind to the point that it almost became an obsession.  Because, if Karamatsu was talking to someone, if somebody was making Karamatsu change… Then it had to be a girl. And if it was a girl, then Karamatsu could become the first of the sextuplets to get a girlfriend.

 

That was something Totty could not allow to happen.

 

So, this was the perfect chance. Karamatsu was helping  their mother in the kitchen with dinner and, luckily for him, the idiot left his phone right on the table. Grabbing it was easy, as he was all alone. Unlocking it was different matter.

 

“C’mon… C’mon… Who are you, mysterious unknown girl?” Todomatsu tried a password, then another one. What kind of password could his idiotic, painful brother have? If he wanted to unlock Karamatsu’s phone, then he had to think like Karamatsu. And the answer came right away.

 

_ “Love” _

 

Unlocked. Totty was exultant, his efforts already giving a reward. He was about to  read the messages, chuckling in advance just to think about the hell that was going to fall upon Karamatsu’s sorry ass when all of his brothers knew he had a girlfriend.

 

That’s what he got for making him feel bad.

 

“What are you doing, Todomatsu?”

 

\------------ 

 

“Is this alright, mom?”

 

“Yes, dear. You’re doing fine! You can even get married now and cook a nice plate of omurice for  your lovely wife when she comes back from work.”

 

“Mother!”

 

Karamatsu’s face was as red as the ketchup he was spreading over the food. After a full day of trying to write something new with no success, he spent his afternoon listening to music and helping his mother with the house. When it was time for lunch, he offered himself to help her make omurice… He wanted to improve a little in things like that. After all, he still wanted to move away, so he would need to know how to cook and clean for himself.

 

He just ended up making a little cat over Ichimatsu’s omurice using ketchup and now all eight plates were made. He felt proud of himself. Even when he was mad at his brothers, Karamatsu still wanted to do things for them and keep everything civil. Maybe this little gesture would encourage them to apologize to him after all, just like what happened with Jyuushimatsu. 

 

He turned around to call his brothers, when he saw something quite nerve-wracking in the living room.

 

Karamatsu felt his blood warming up. Walked really quietly, making sure none of his steps made any sound until he was completely close to his goal. Then, he opened his mouth and spoke with a voice as cold as ice.

 

“What are you doing, Todomatsu?”

 

His brother yelped, turning on his heels to see his worst nightmare while holding Karamatsu’s phone. The youngest became pale, swallowing hard while Karamatsu closed the distance between each other and held him by his wrist, all while looking at him with a soul-breaking look in his eyes. 

 

Todomatsu realized for the first time ever, that his older brother was quite strong and could also be pretty intimidating whenever he wanted to.

 

How come they were always making fun of him? Karamatsu could’ve beat them up a long time ago and, yet, he never did. Totty’s train of thought stopped completely when his brother squeezed his wrist harder than before. It hurt.

 

“Ka-karamatsu nii-san…”

 

“Don’t.” His voice made him tremble. Slowly, Karamatsu moved his other hand and Totty closed his eyes, convinced that it was the end. Karamatsu was going to hit him, he was sure, after all they always did that to him whenever he made a mistake. Why would Karamatsu be different? This was his chance for revenge. But he only felt something in his hand and then he was not holding Karamatsu’s phone anymore, making Todomatsu open his eyes to take a peek just in time to see Karamatsu changing his password and putting his phone on his hoodie. 

 

“Please, brother. Don’t do that again.”

 

“I… I won’t…”

 

“I don’t appreciate it when you invade my privacy. I know that I’ve never complained before, but the reality is that I hate when you do that. I love you all, but this bad habit of yours must stop. Do you understand?”

 

Todomatsu nodded and the grip in his hand became softer.

 

“Everybody has things that they don’t want to show to others, my cute little brother. I thought you would understand that… But since you don’t, I find myself with the obligation to tell you that I don’t want you near my stuff. None of you, not without my permission”  Karamatsu said, still with a cold voice and darting eyes. “My stuff, my rules. Is that okay?”

 

“Yes, Karamatsu nii-san.”

 

“Thank you. Now, lunch is ready. I’ll go tell the others, you just go to the dining room.”

 

With that, he definitely let go. Karamatsu turned around to leave, but Totty tried to speak and he only made a squeaky sound. That was enough to make Karamatsu turn again, though.

 

“Yes, Todomatsu? Do you need anything?”  Karamatsu tilted his head a little. 

 

He… was not happy. Treating his younger brother like that would never make him happy. But he became so mad thinking that his brothers would know about Yu and maybe try to ruin everything for him, that he couldn’t help himself and, before he knew what he was doing, he already had Todomatsu’s wrist firmly grabbed. 

 

Honestly, he never liked when his brothers touched his stuff, especially when they broke them. But he never said anything because Karamatsu just couldn’t deny them what they wanted… But this was different. He just wasn’t ready to let them know about Yu.

 

“Why… Why didn’t you hit me?”

 

“What?”  That was new.  “Why would I do that? Are you crazy? I may be mad at you, but I would never hit one of my precious brothers.”

 

“But… I touched your phone. We always…”

 

Karamatsu understood. Totty wanted to know why he didn’t try to take advantage of the situation, taking into account all the times that Todomatsu had mistreated him.

 

“There is no reason, really. I just don’t want to hurt you, I am not like that.”  He said, scratching his head while he tried to explain himself.  “I love you. I really do, I love all my brothers and I don’t want to hurt them or make them feel bad… It’s just not in me, I can’t even understand how you fancy so much being cruel to others. For me, it’s just… W-well…  Doing bad things to the people I love makes my chest hurt. We are brothers, we should take care of each other.”

 

“Wha…?”   The younger one just stood there, processing his brother’s words. 

“But…”

 

Karamatsu did not let him finish.

 

“The food is ready, I’ll go call the others.”

 

And just like that, he turned around and left the room. Inside, Karamatsu felt like an asshole for scaring his brother… Maybe that’s what Todomatsu needed though, maybe now he would stop prying into other people’s lives. He dedicated a few minutes to calling all of his brothers for lunch, so he ended up being the last one on the table. Jyuushimatsu sat next to him and hugged him tightly as soon as they were near each other.

 

“Karamatsu nii-san! Mom told me you made supper with her!”

 

“Yeah, I just helped a little. Thought it would be nice to learn how to cook by myself. I know a few things but there’s always room for improvement.”

 

“Yes, I know! You made a baseball bat with ketchup on my omurice, so I like it even more now!”

 

Karamatsu laughed and caressed his brother’s head.

 

“Now, now, you may regret that after you eat it. My food may not be as good as our mother’s.”

 

“If you made it, then I’ll like it anyway!”

 

Karamatsu couldn’t help but look at the rest of his brothers. They were just eating, not facing him at all, especially Todomatsu. They still did not apologize to him but he was not going to give up. He just wanted a damn apology, it wasn’t that much!

 

“This tastes like crap.”  Osomatsu grunted, pretending he was watching a fly on the other part of the room. 

 

Karamatsu sighed.  “If you don’t like it you don’t have to eat it, brother. Mom can make you another one, but you’ll just make her work at this hour.  She’ll probably miss lunch with dad. Your choice.”

 

His brother just grunted again and kept eating, much like the others. This was not what he wanted, Karamatsu thought while eating. He wanted a change, he wanted his brothers to look at him. He managed to do that with Jyuushimatsu, but the others were still mad at him, and only because Karamatsu called them on the shitty way that they treated him. Why was it okay for them to be assholes but when Karamatsu finally stood up for himself, then he was being a selfish son of a bitch?

 

At least he had Jyuushimatsu. And Yu.

 

After lunch, Choromatsu washed the dishes. Todomatsu disappeared, Karamatsu thought that he was probably trying to avoid him again. Osomatsu went to  play pachinko, Ichimatsu was still in the dining room playing with one of his cats and Jyuushi was out, training by himself. So there he was on the roof, trying to write something with no success. Now that his fingers finally got faster while playing and the sound was coming out pretty nice, his head became completely silent.

 

What the actual fuck?

 

“Aaaagh!”  He screamed, feeling like he was about to burst out in anger. “What the heck?! Why does nothing come out!?!”

 

His phone rang.  Karamatsu made an angry grunt while fighting with his leather jacket’s pocket to take it out. There was a new message from Yu.

 

_ <<Hey there! My friendship senses are tingling for some reason, so… How are you doing today, sequins boy?>> _

 

He never believed in the existence of angels like he did in that moment.

 

_ <<Yu! My lovely friend! Actually… Well, I’m having a frustration attack>> _

 

_ <<Emergency level 1 or 10? One being ‘My coffee got cold’ and ten being ‘Somebody locked me in the bathroom and I have a job interview in 30 minutes’?>> _

 

_ <<Oh. Well, I guess this is a solid six. Maybe seven? It’s not that terrible but it does makes me feel like I want to smash my guitar against the nearest object.>> _

 

_ <<Oh my… That is indeed an eight! All right, what’s wrong? Maybe I can help. Or just talking about it makes you feel better>> _

 

_ <<You are an angel, Yu. The sassiest angel that came into existence, if I may say so. Well, the thing is that I’ve been practicing a lot with my guitar and I got better, but… Now I just can’t write anything new. I have all these tunes, and feelings and phrases in my head,  but nothing seems to come out>> _

 

_ <<Dude, I am an artist too. A fashion artist, of course, but I can totally get that! What you have is a creative block.>> _ Yu wrote, and Karamatsu was wondering what that was, but Yu answered his questions at the speed of light. 

 

<< _ You lack the inspiration to make the art trapped in your head come out, and that makes all the art buzz in your head. It’s kind of crappy when that happens.>> _

 

_ <<Do you have it too?>> _

 

_ <<Of course I do. I have to create whole collections and outfits, draw them, have an idea of the kind of fabric and design I want. I even have to think of makeup and accessories and put everything onto paper before I start to work. Whenever  I’m blocked, I try to inspire myself… I go to the library and search for artbooks. You know, those with pictures of actual paintings. Sometimes I go to the museum or watch beautiful photographs.>> _

 

_ <<Well, I suppose that could work. I mean, pictures and art are a marvelous way to express your heart deepest desires and passions in a more palpable way. Yes, it may indeed work.>> _

 

_ <<Yep. You can also go for a walk or go into a bar and listen to people’s conversations. Since Karaboy is interested in music, maybe you should try and listen to classical music. Maybe even try to learn how to play it with your guitar. Classical music is the base of a lot of great artists! It can open your mind. And also listening to old bands and music from other countries. Have you ever listened to Pink Floyd?>> _

 

Karamatsu admitted that he had never heard of that  _ person _ before. As soon as he send that message, Yu send a scared emoji and told him that he had to fix that immediately, sending a list of bands, artists and songs for him to listen. They kept talking for a while, chatting about his progress with his guitar, Yu’s school and the snotty rich boys that swarmed the place. As always, Karamatsu ended up laughing his ass off at Yu’s crazy tales and he also told him about his misadventures with his brothers. Especially the ones where the goal was to win Totoko’s heart.

 

_ <<Ohhh, so you have a crush!>>   _ Yu said in his text, making him blush. _ <<Is she a good person? How is she?>> _

 

_ <<Honestly, she has rejected me and my brothers several times. We are just not her type. Maybe the god of love is testing me to see how long I can believe in love but, fear not my friend! I will never stop believing in love nor I will stop looking for it. Love is a battle! Love is a quest! And I will conquer it someday!>> _

 

_ <<Awwww n//n Karaboy, that’s so sweet!>> _

 

_ <<I am the sweetest man on earth>> _  As soon as he send that, he felt like an idiot.

 

_ <<No, really. That’s sweet, Karamatsu. I mean, a lot of men don’t usually say those kind of things about love, ya know? They are always like: ‘Manly men don’t talk about love, don’t believe in love. We only want food and sex and beer, raaaaawr’ ò___ó’ You know. Like mindless testosterone machines.>> _

 

_ <<Yes, I get the idea. What do you mean by that? I am not manly?>> _

 

_ <<On the contrary, I think you are manly. Nothing is more manly, and attractive for women ;), than a man who is not afraid to be sensitive. It’s just… It is kind of nice finding somebody else who truly believes in love, despite these loveless times we are living. I’m with you. I’m sure you’ll find a good girl someday n.o>> _

 

Karamatsu’s cheeks were flushed. No one had ever told him things like that. Girls normally ignored him or treated him like he was weird and his brothers… Well, they were idiots. He thanked Yu with all his heart and told him that someday he would also find someone who shared his beliefs in love and, after talking for a while, Karamatsu prepared himself for his first trip to the library in years.

\-------------------

 

Pink Floyd, Queen, Michael Jackson, The Beatles, Tchaikovsky, Beethoven, Ray Charles, Bach, Vivaldi, Dizzy Gillespie, Phil Collins, Chopin.

 

Karamatsu’s mind was blown, he never knew how many great artists he could listen to at the same time, comparing tunes, notes and sounds to the point that he could find the similarities between some of them. He almost cried the first time he heard  _ ‘The great gig in the sky’ _ because the song felt tremendously powerful even when it didn’t have a lyric; only a beautiful voice singing a high tune, that moved something deep inside of him. He always knew music could be an instrument to show feelings and emotions, but he never believed it could also move your very self at the point of crying and not knowing why. Music was powerful and deep, it could be also a weapon and a way to move a lot of people’s hearts and dreams.

 

The more music he heard, the more it opened his mind. Karamatsu not only listened to old bands and classical music, he practiced every day to be able to play those songs with his guitar. Yu told him a few things about the musicians lives, and his curiosity grew to the point he started to search their biographies in the library and read every single word with his nose glued to the books. He was barely getting over Beethoven’s deafness when he made the mistake to tell Yu about it and his friend answered with an emoji of a little devil laughing.

 

_ <<Wait ‘til you get to the jazz musicians. Especially Ray Charles. Read everything you find and then you can come back>> _

 

He didn’t want to, but ended up doing it anyway. History and music were linked together more than he ever thought they would be, which was kind of amazing.

 

Karamatsu read and learned. When he was not reading biographies and the history of music, he was reading poetry to expand his vocabulary or improving his guitar skills. Of course, he also helped his mother, trained and passed time with Jyuushimatsu, his other brothers ignoring him most of the time. But he was so deep into this whole new world that he couldn’t care less.

 

He had to know more. He had to practice more.

 

Karamatsu reserved the rest of his time for Yu. They talked about almost anything, he shared with his friend a lot of his findings, recordings of himself playing  _ ‘For Elisa’ _ , or Karamatsu singing one of his latest compositions.

 

_ <<You have a nice voice, Karamatsu. I don’t understand why your brothers make fun of you when you sing o_o>> _

 

_ <<Well, they are like that. They say I am painful… We used to get along when we were kids but now everything changed. I mean, we are still close to each other but things are not the same. At least not for me.>> _

 

Today it was going to be a month since the day they ‘met’ by accident.  They talked everyday now. He and Yu shared good stories, crazy stuff, music and fashion tips but, during all this time, there was a thing that Karamatsu tried to avoid at all costs: Talking about his brothers. But he realized that in order to have a meaningful friendship with Yu he had to be able to open up, even when the very idea scared him.

 

What if Yu thought he was a whiny idiot? If he started thinking he was painful? 

 

What if Yu started to believe he was a loser or just made fun of him? The chances of that were almost nonexistent and yet, just thinking about it made him feel terrified. It was like he had a hole in his chest and there was a tornado made out of his fears, standing right in the middle of that hole, soaking his soul.

 

Yet, he had to try.

 

_ <<Why is that, sequins boy?>> _

 

_ <<I don’t know why, but they started to bully me. They always say things that make me feel like I am not good enough, like I’m not worth it. I never paid attention to it, not even when they went from words to physical damage. I thought they loved me, somehow.>> _

 

_ <<They hurt you? Your brothers hurt you? Wait, wait, how many brothers do you have?>> _

 

_ <<Five. We are sextuplets and I’m the second oldest. And yes, but… It’s not that bad>> _

 

_ <<That’s what a lot of women say when their partners beat them, Karamatsu. And most of them end up dying in an ugly way.>> _

 

_ <<No, really. It’s not like they send me to hospital, it’s like… Well… Sometimes I get hurt and they don’t seem to care. Or they punch me. They ignore me and when they finally seem able to see me, they just say mean things and continue with their lives like I’m not there. I always knew this was bad, but I never complained because I love them. Damn… If I lost one of them I would feel empty. Then… It was like a snowball. Once it started there was no way to stop it>> _

 

Yu took a few minutes to answer.

 

_ <<I think I understand. You thought they would get mad at you if you complained, so you let it pass and then it became a habit. But by the time you became uncomfortable with it, you just couldn’t stop it as they were five people against you. If all of them were convinced that hurting you was okay, then nothing you said would stop them. I think it’s called a hive mind… When a lot of people make a consensus about something without talking about it, even if it’s something bad.>> _

 

It was that moment when Karamatsu finally felt relieved. The storm calmed down, the hole in his chest started to heal up until there was no hole at all. Yu was really understanding and nice, such a good person. He wished his brothers could be like that. On the other hand, Yu also expressed what happened between he and his brothers in a very detailed way that surprised him, to say the least… It was hard for him trying to explain it, so he had a hard time understanding how Yu was able to explain it such a… logic way. It was like he had lived it too.

 

_ <<Yes. Yes, it was like that. It is a little more complicated but, yes. That’s almost how it felt and how it went. When I realized everything was wrong, I could do nothing. Besides, I still love them, which makes it more difficult. I want them to love me. I want them to… I don’t know what I want>> _

 

_ <<You want them to love u and accept you for who you are, you fool. Like you accept them.>> _

 

_ <<The day that happens I am going to call myself the happiest man on earth, I’ll probably sing at the top of my lungs and may even burn all my clothes that have sequins on them. But, knowing my brothers, that won’t happen>> _

 

_ <<Hey, I don’t think they are bad. I mean, they are your brothers so there MUST be some goodness in them. Maybe they are just so used to you being their punching bag that they can’t see it’s a bad thing? It happens. They can also use you to vent away their own frustrations O.o That does not justify anything, tho u.ú>> _

 

_ <<Hm… I’ve never thought about it that way. Is there anything I can do? There have to be something I can do to help them!>> _

 

For a few minutes, there was no reply. Karamatsu immediately panicked and re-read all their conversation to check if he had done something wrong but, luckily, his phone vibrated in his hands again.

 

_ <<Dude, u serious? They have to deal with their own issues, it’s their shit! Your brothers have to grow a pair and confront it on their own or they never will. Besides… I think you should worry about yourself a little bit more. All these years of taking their crap cannot be good for you! You have to be firm and let them know that you are not going to be their scapegoat anymore>> _

 

_ <<But what if they are suffering inside?>> _

 

_ <<If they are, then they are using you to avoid whatever it is that is happening in their minds. They need to grow up on their own… I know that sextuplets bonds are strong, I had a twin so I can relate. But if you keep trying to protect them or let them treat you like that… They will never be able to function in the real world. Do you think any of them could do what I do? Think about it.>> _

 

He didn’t had to think about it, not even for a second. Karamatsu knew his brothers would implode or suffer from spontaneous combustion before even trying.

 

 _< <Besides… You have your own problems. I’m not telling you to stop caring for them, they are your family and you love them. But try to worry a little more about yourself, Karaboy =( I_ _don’t like it, you being mistreated like that. It makes me sad. >>_

 

There was a pause, Karamatsu looked at the sky and thought about Yu’s words. 

 

He knew in his heart that his friend had a good point, after all, Karamatsu spent a long time taking all the abuse from his brothers and now he had those nightmares. 

 

Not only that, but he was making Yu sad. Why did he kept hurting the ones he loved? 

 

_ <<Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? It helped me a lot. I still go, from time to time.>> _

 

<< _ I… Well, I believe that could help. After all, therapists train for years to be able to fight people’s demons, like proud warriors who flag their swords against fierce fire-spitting dragons>> _

 

_ <<In a sense, yeah. I’ll give you the number of a good doctor, he saved my life.>> _

 

_ <<Ah, my beloved Yu, always being so nice. You are surely an angel sent to me by the gods. Your wings must be as big and shiny as our beautiful sun!>> _

 

Karamatsu covered his friend in compliments, even when Yu told him that it was not necessary. According to Yu, he was just doing what anyone would do for his friend but, in Karamatsu’s eyes, anything good that anybody did for him was like a miracle. 

 

_ <<Now that I think about it, you’ve never told me much about your family. Do you… Have problems with them, too?>> _

 

_ <<Well… Not really, I guess. I don’t have a family now and you can’t have problems with people who are no longer with you, so…>> _

 

Karamatsu started to feel like the biggest asshole ever almost immediately. 

 

Surely Yu’s family passed away and he made him remember that terrible moment, and now his friend was suffering! He was probably crying, completely alone and heartbroken, all because of Karamatsu’s fault.

 

_ “I am such a monster!” _ He cried in his mind, already thinking of a way to make it up to Yu.

 

He was already writing a very colorful apology, when Yu sent a message in advance.

 

_ <<When you take too long to reply it’s because you are thinking too much, Karamatsu. Let me explain: My dad became a douche. He tried to change me and he even wanted me to marry one of my older cousins ‘to protect the family’  and ‘continue his legacy’. I refused to marry someone who I barely knew and he kicked me out of the house.>> _

 

_ <<Oh dear god… That’s awful, Yu! I’m so sorry! No one should have to marry someone else for any reason other than love!>> _

 

_ <<I know! I believed dad thought the same, as he married my mom against his father’s wishes because he loved her, but… Well, people change? I dunno, I try not to think about it anymore.>> _

 

_ <<Your father must be a horrible person, his heart as dark as coal. But you are fine now, right? Did your grandma took care of you?>> _

 

_ <<Nope u.u>> _

 

_ <<Your aunt, then? An uncle? Older brother?>> _

 

_ <<No, no, and no. I was the oldest of three siblings, my younger twin and my other little brother. Don’t you understand? Rejecting my arranged marriage was like betrayal for my family. They turned their backs on me. Nobody took care of me, Karamatsu. I was alone.>> _

 

For an instant, Karamatsu felt his body stiffen. His mind was completely blank, looking at the letters on the screen while everything became blurry around him. It was like his head was a camera recording in reverse, going farther. His fingers were trembling when he typed.

 

_ <<You were all alone? By yourself? Who could do such a thing to his child? Where… Where did you live during that time?>> _

 

He had a hunch, an unpleasant hunch. He prayed, hoping for a good answer or a happy ending to that story, like all the other stories that Yu told him.

 

_ <<It’s… Well, please don’t think bad of me. I lived on the streets. I became a homeless vagabond, a street-rat. Don’t feel bad, though. I made friends, worked a lot for my money. I was never into anything dangerous. I did learn a few things a child should never learn, but I am okay now. So please, don’t worry.>> _

 

_ <<How can you tell me not to worry!? No child should go through that, how can you be… You know, how can you be so positive all the time after that?>> _

 

_ <<Well, I am better now n_n I have a home,  two jobs, a lot of friends who would give their lives for me. I have my career and my dreams. Also, I have you. I won’t lie>> _ He added, writing so fast that Karamatsu got one reply after the other, his phone vibrating for a while  _ <<It was hard to say the least and, sometimes, it still gets to me. But what’s the point of dwelling on the past when I have a whole life to live? I’d rather concentrate in my future. You know, being the better version of myself>> _

 

Karamatsu did not know he was crying until he felt the warm wetness of his tears on his cheeks. He was enraged with that cold hearted man who was capable of throwing his child into the streets, not caring about them at all. What kind of father could do that? How was it possible for a whole family to disowned a young kid just because they wanted to live their lives? 

 

Karamatsu thought about little Yu, a poor boy alone in the dark streets, cold and hungry, scared and lonely. What if somebody took advantage of him? What if he was kidnapped, assaulted, murdered or got into drugs? Karamatsu’s anger grew up to the point it became sorrow, pure and raw sorrow that made him cry his lungs out… Not for Yu, the present Yu, but for little Yu who was left alone in the streets like a dog.

 

He did not have to ask to know that Yu probably saw a lot of shit during that time. Maybe he was okay now, but Karamatsu was unable to stop himself from crying.

 

Karamatsu contemplated his phone, thinking about Yu’s strength. He also took this chance to think about his own family… His parents were definitely the best. If Yu’s father could throw his kid away for refusing an arranged marriage then, what about his own parents? They had six NEETs living in their house, spending money on frivolities and they never even complained about it. 

 

Definitely, Karamatsu’s parents were amazing. He made an effort to stop his tears, breathing deeply.

 

_ <<Do you want to talk about it, Yu?>> _

 

_ <<Not really. I mean, yes, someday. When we can see each other face to face.   These things have to be discussed in person. But really, don’t worry about me! I am happy now! And am not married to a cousin ten years older than me, for that matter ;P>> _

 

_ <<You are right. You should be going to bed, though. It’s getting late and I know that someone has to make a lot of beautiful designs based on pop art.>> _

 

_ <<Buuuh, killjoy! Okay, okay. I’ll be good and go to sleep. Don’t forget to send me your next song!>> _

 

Karamatsu promised that he would and Yu wished him a good night. He had the feeling that it was not going to be a good night, not only because his conversation with Yu made him feel kind of weird and a little ungrateful to his parents, but because his hands were hurting like hell. 

 

Alone on the roof, which was the only place where he had the chance to chat with Yu without being interrupted, Karamatsu took a few moments to compose himself and looked at his hands. He had been practicing like a madman the last few days, he even trained during the afternoon until his new song came out the way he wanted.

 

Learning all those new techniques and trying to play so many kinds of music styles had a secondary effect, as now his hands were hurt. He stopped using his guitar pick, as using his own fingers allowed him to have a better control of the strings and produced a better quality sound. The problem was that he had to re- learn how to strum the guitar again from top to bottom, vice versa and then he had to learn how to play every note that way. It was not that bad, as he had a classic guitar and the strings were made of nylon and not steel… But he got so excited that practiced too much.

 

He carefully got off the roof when he felt better, after processing all that new information. Yu was right, he had to be firm with his brothers. After all, too much love could ruin a person and maybe, just maybe, he loved his brothers too much. 

 

They had to grow up… But that was their problem, he had more than enough of his own trying to find his place in the world. He went into the house, and found himself trapped between Jyuushimatsu’s arms as soon as he made a single step.

 

“Karamatsu nii-san!”  He hugged him tightly, making it hard to breath.  “You were on the roof? Why didn’t you call me!? We were supposed to sing together!”

 

“Ah, Jyuushi… Don’t make that face, brother. I was not singing, I practiced something new and… Well…”  

 

He put up his hands, making his younger brother gasp. Before Karamatsu knew what was happening, Jyuushimatsu was carrying him to the living room. He didn’t even try to fight back, knowing that it was impossible to stop his younger brother when he was acting that way. His other brothers were there, all minding their business, but as soon as they saw him everyone besides Choromatsu left. 

 

“Ah, my little Jyuushimatsu, please be care-”

 

Karamatsu grunted when Jyuushi left him on the floor unceremoniously.

 

“Karamatsu nii-san is hurt! I’ll help!”

 

“But, Jyuushi… It’s not…”

 

“I’ll help! Karamatsu don’t move!”

 

He didn’t even had time to recover from the shock when Jyuushimatsu darted away. Karamatsu saw Choromatsu reading manga from the corner of his eye, doing his best to pretend that he was not there. It had to be a difficult task, taking into account that Jyuushimatsu came back with bandages and wrapped him like a mummy. 

 

Karamatsu kept looking at his third brother, noticing how his knuckles were whitening because of how much he was squeezing that poor magazine. Jyuushi babbled things, saying that hurt people should not move, and that he was going to take care of him and help him to eat; when Choromatsu could not take it anymore and slammed both of his hands on the kotatsu.

 

“Jyuushimatsu! What are you even doing!?”  He yelled at the top of his lungs, looking at his older brother whose only visible body part was his right eye. 

 

Karamatsu tried to move and then he noticed all the bandages trapping his body. 

 

“That is  _ not _ the way to take care of an injured person!”

 

“Really? Sorry! I’ll do it again.”

 

“No!”  Choromatsu got up, all angry, and sat right in front of Karamatsu, helping to take away the bandages.  “Bring the first aid kit so we can put these bandages there. I’m sure Karamatsu does not need so many of them. Now, what’s the problem?”

 

Karamatsu was surprised that Choromatsu wanted to help, but he was not going to miss this opportunity. Jyuushimatsu tugged one of the bandages so hard, that it made him spin like a roulette wheel until there was not a single bandage over him.

 

“Ha-hands…”  Karamatsu’s eyes were spinning. 

 

While trying his best not to puke, he raised both of his hands to show the damage to Choromatsu. His hands looked bad. The skin was falling off, he had a lot of cuts and a few blisters; even his nails were damaged, cut and stained. Choromatsu seemed astonished and made a weird sound, pursing his lips in a grimace at the sight of his hands.

 

“Dear god, what did you do…? Here, let me… Jyuushimatsu, would you pass me the disinfectant, please?”

 

“Here, here!”  Jyuushimatsu, eager to help, handed the bottle to his older brother, already opened.

 

“Thanks. Here, first you have to disinfect the wound… Did you wash your hands, Karamatsu?”  He nodded, and Choromatsu seemed relieved.  “Good. You always have to wash this kind of wound first. It’s… going to burn, sorry.”  But Karamatsu barely flinched, causing Jyuushimatsu to whistle in surprise.

 

“Woooh, Karamatsu nii-san, didn’t that hurt?”

 

“Well… I can barely feel it, honestly”   He said, as Choromatsu carefully cleaned every cut, blister and wound, covering everything with the disinfectant.  “My hands already hurt because of all that practice. I mean, it burns when the disinfectant touches the blisters but not that much on the rest. Maybe it’s because of the calluses…”

 

Jyuushimatsu tried to ‘see’ the aforementioned calluses, but he almost ended up headbutting both of his brothers heads. Choromatsu yelled out in surprise, but kept his cool the best he could.

 

“Jyushimatsu, just try to learn how to do it, please. Well, this looks a lot better now. Instead of bandages, a few band-aids will do. Ah, don’t try to burst the blisters on your own, they get infected easily.”

 

Karamatsu nodded again, watching as Choromatsu tried to teach Jyuushimatsu how to take care of Karamatsu’s hands. It was indeed a lovely sight, as the older one tried to teach and explain everything to Jyuushimatsu, but the youngest one only laughed and tried to drink the disinfectant or used the bandages to make a turban on his head. And Choromatsu’s head. And also Karamatsu’s head.

 

Practically every person who came into the room ended up going out with a turban made of bandages.

 

“Jyuushimatsu, stop! You can’t waste bandages like that!”  Karamatsu was laughing his ass off, as his poor brother tried to catch Jyuushimatsu, who was spinning around the entire room. He finally gave up, finishing up with his older brother’s hands.  “There, all ready.”

 

“Thanks a lot, brother. I feel better now… Though my hands will be sore for a few days.”

 

“So… You practiced to the point of hurting your hands? Why…?”   Choromatsu seemed to realized he was talking to Karamatsu, the brother who a few days ago just exploded before his eyes and made them see how shitty they had been to him. 

 

“I mean… If you want to tell me? It’s not like I care, you know.”

 

“You do care, brother. I know you. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have helped me with my hands. But, yes, I practiced too much. I was just so enthralled, that forgot about the pain and continued with it until this damned blisters came out. I’ve been practicing for hours every day! I need to have calluses on all of my fingers if I want to play better, the sound it’s completely different when you use your fingers instead of a plectrum.”

 

Choromatsu’s expression let him know that he was in shock because of his words, but Karamatsu was just being honest. He was always honest, especially now, so Choromatsu’s reaction caught him by surprise.

 

“So… You don’t hate us?”

 

“No? I’ve never hated any of you. I am kind of mad, of course, but it’s nothing that a sincere apology can’t fix.”

 

Choromatsu closed his eyes for a minute before looking at him, shame painted in his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry. You were right, we always treat you like crap. We are all brothers, it should not be like this. I just… I don’t know when it became our thing. I should have done something but… I just looked away. I am truly sorry, Karamatsu nii-san.”

 

Karamatsu smiled lightly, looking at Choromatsu’s ashamed and guilty expression. He knew his brothers weren’t really that bad, they just had a few issues, like he did. At least now they seemed to understand that the way they treated him was bad and, at least, some of them apologized. Karamatsu always felt like he had a rock pressuring his chest whenever he was near his brothers, but now that heaviness was getting lighter.

 

“I forgive you, brother. It’s alright now.”

 

“Th-thanks. I thought you would never forgive us… That day when you pushed Ichimatsu, we all went to sleep and you never came to the futon. Not seeing you there, well, it gave me a lot to think about. I remembered all the times we ignored you or hurt you… I can’t still believe we were such assholes to you.”

 

“You apologized and you were sincere.  How can I not forgive you? Besides, we are brothers! You said it yourself.”

 

“Yeah…”   He looked calmer now. Choromatsu laughed, grabbing his brother’s hands while he made fun at them, saying they looked like he just had a fight with one of Ichimatsu’s cats.  “You really are doing this for music?”

 

“Yes! I started listening to all these old bands and classical music, so I figured I could try to learn how to make the same tunes. Classical music is the base of all music, after all. I searched for a few techniques using the public library’s computers and practiced at home. Now I can play Tchaikovsky’s  _ ‘Nutcracker _ ’.”

 

Jyuushimatsu butted in, hugging Karamatsu from behind.

 

“He can also play the music box song!”

 

Choromatsu seemed perplexed, but Karamatsu just laughed.

 

“ _ Non, non _ , my little Jyuushimatsu. It is called  _ ‘For Elisa’. _ It’s from Beethoven… It’s the song that they put in every music box, hence the name.”

 

“Aaah, that explains it. So did you get a copy of the music scores from the internet, too?”

 

Karamatsu scratched his head.

 

“No… I can’t read them.”

 

“Then… then how do you play the songs?”

 

“I just listen to them and memorize them. That’s easy.”   He said, watching Choromatsu’s expression go from disbelief to awe in seconds.  “The hard part is when I try to play, sometimes my fingers can’t get it right.”

 

“B-but… I saw you composing songs… Lots of songs. You weren’t writing them down?”

 

“Yes, the lyrics. The music is all in my head, I know every song I make by heart.”

Choromatsu became completely silent and both Jyuushimatsu and Karamatsu looked at each other, a little worried about him. He looked like he was suffering from a heart attack and an aneurysm at the same time. Jyuushimatsu even passed his hand in front of Choromatsu’s eyes a few times to make sure he was still conscious.

 

“Nii-san? Are you okay?”

 

“I am dying internally.”  He responded, his face stiff like a statue. Karamatsu got up immediately.

 

“Oh no! Our dear brother is dying!  Quick, we have to call  an ambulance! We have to tell our parents! Jyuushimatsu, go and grab Choromatsu’s health insurance card, his identification. M-maybe some money?”

 

He was panicking, running from one side of the room to the other, until a still stiff and tense Choromatsu pulled him down right at his side and smacked him on the back, screaming:

 

“You idiot!!! Do you know what you did?!”

 

“What? What?! What did I do now?! Oh god, I’m sorry! It’s my fault, right? Why do I always hurt those I love?!”

 

“No, stupid! It’s not that!”  Choromatsu grabbed him by his clothes, shaking him off like a ragdoll.  “You just told me that you learned very complex and intricate songs by listening to them! We are talking about classical music, do you even know how difficult that is? And you even remember every song you made in your life? You made thousands of them! What about those songs I heard you playing before, huh? Like… Like that jazz song from the other day?”

 

“W-wha…?”   Jyuushimatsu clapped and said it had something to do with Autumn, helping him to remember.  “Oh! You mean  _ ‘Autumn leaves’?” _

 

“Yes, that one! Did you learn it by ear, too?”

 

“Yes? I learn everything like that.”

 

His brother shook him even harder, screeching like a banshee until he suddenly stopped, looking all defeated.

 

“I hate you… You… You have to be a genius or something like that. It’s not fair, I am supposed to be the best of us.”

 

“I… don’t think I am a genius or anything like that. I just really love music, that’s all.”  Still a little dizzy from all that movement and shaking, Karamatsu pressed his hands against the kotatsu for support.  “So I want to learn more about it. I began searching for great artists, their albums, then I read their biographies and soon I was also into history to understand them better.

 

“Wow… You really are into this.”   He finally calmed down, staring at the table for a while before turning to his brothers.  “I’ve been meaning to ask… Why did you suddenly start doing all this? I mean, helping mom, training, and music. What caused it?”

 

Karamatsu did not know how to respond. He was glad to have recovered his relationship with his younger brother but he still did not wanted him to know about Yu. 

 

None of them could know about his friend, at least not until they proved that wouldn’t try to ruin his friendship with Yu, just out of spite. So, he invented a story, as he had become quite proficient at lying lately.

 

After all, he had been acting for a long while. And lying was a lot like acting.

 

“I was at the park and heard two people talking. One person told the other that his father kicked him out of the house just because he refused to accept an arranged marriage. He was a kid when that happened, you know?”   He told a lie, a white lie because what he was telling them was indeed true in part. He knew a person who was kicked out of his house, but his brothers didn’t need to know that the person of his story was his friend.  

 

“He was left all alone in the streets, nobody took care of him. He had to work a lot and it was just a miracle that he did not end up using drugs or in a gang.”

 

Both of his brothers seemed in shock. They also could not believe that anybody would disown their kids like that for such a stupid reason. Also, Karamatsu knew his brothers enough to know what they were imagining a little kid, completely alone, facing the dangers of the streets on its own.

 

“Oh Lord…”   Choromatsu clenched his fists, while Jyuushimatsu just covered his eyes with his hands.

 

“That’s so terrible!”

 

“I know. But that made me think a lot… I mean, his father kicked him out for a dumb reason and we are here, being NEETs, living off our parents and they have never complained. They never pressured us nor tried to kick us out. So… Well… I want to find something I am good at, so I can make a career out of it. You know, taking things one day at a time.”

 

The three of them started talking about a lot of things. Their poor parents that put up with their stupid antics, life itself, and the pressure they all felt to become a proper person and finally move out. It was a hard feeling because they wanted to be better but, at the same time, they were all afraid of being separated when they finally got into the ‘adult world’. 

 

Choromatsu talked about his desire to become a proper idol manager someday and Jyuushimatsu said that he wanted to be a famous baseball player or a trainer. 

 

Karamatsu confessed that he still did not know what he wanted to do, but for now his only passion was his music and he wanted to learn and improve as much as he was able.

 

Unknown to them, a purple figure was at the other side of the door. The figure went away, petting a cute little cat as it was leaving. When it was late that night and the three reconciled brothers went to bed, they found out that the futon was already arranged: Osomatsu, Ichimatsu and Todomatsu were on the right side of the bed. They even made a wall out of pillows to be separated from the rest of their brothers.

 

Choromatsu was so outraged that he immediately made a fuss, ready to start a fight, but Karamatsu stopped him.

 

“They are just sulking. We better go to sleep and let them be, they’ll come around eventually.”

 

That was not enough for his younger brother, but he had no choice but give up when Jyuushimatsu jumped over him, making the two of them fall over the bed. 

 

Whether there was a wall or not, Karamatsu was just happy that at least two of his brothers made an effort to understand him. It gave him hope. Maybe someday, the rest of his brothers would be able to see that he was just trying to be a better man.

 

A better version of himself, paraphrasing Yu’s words.

 

That night, he slept soundly. He was still in that dark room, the one that used to be filled with a dark matter and unpleasant voices. There was still some dark goo running down the walls, some water on the floor, but it was a bit different now. One of the walls was barely touched by the black honey, it had green and yellow stains and pictures of him and two of his brothers. The sound of the water disappeared, replaced by the ‘music box song’. Karamatsu moved around the room with a little bit of difficulty because of the water over the ground, but he was able to get closer to the walls.

 

Last time he was there, he only felt despair. Now he was still uneasy, but he knew that he was at least trying his best despite his insecurities, so the voices couldn’t reach to him. The wall opposite to the green and yellow one was still pitch black, but the one in front of him was… Unsettling.

 

There was goo running down on it, too. A lot of goo. Just seeing it made his stomach weaker, but he tried to be strong and look at it to try and understand what it meant. The parts that were not covered in darkness showed a few things: sparkly stuff that he was not really able to see, as it was kind of dark. He did see a guitar, a few books, and in the middle of everything, protected from that damned blackness that threatened to swallow everything up was a blue sparkly bubble, the only thing in there was something Karamatsu never thought would be there:

 

His phone.

He woke up, heart racing like a horse. He felt like those times when he woke up after dreaming he was falling, alert and nervous. It was dark, as it was very late. 

 

His brothers were deeply asleep right next to him, even the ones who were at the other side of the Berlin Wall of Pillows. Karamatsu tried to relax, to go back to sleep, but he wasn’t able to do so… then, he felt again something heavy against his chest.

 

He pressed his fingers against this heaviness, realizing he had left his phone in the pocket of his pajamas. When he took it out, Karamatsu saw a message that must have been sent when he was asleep.

 

_ <<I am here, studying like crazy.  Have a good night Karamatsu n_n Dream with your Karamatsu Girls>> _

 

He smiled, feeling sleepy again. Deciding he would reply the next day, he turned off his phone and went back to sleep with a smile on his face.

 

It was a calm night. No more dreams.

 

No more dark rooms.

 

At least for that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now edited with my fantastic beta reader corrections x3 Hope you like it!


	4. Blue Rose

Karamatsu felt something heavy against his chest. It was already a horrible sensation,  but it was getting worse and worse as he realized he could not move. His whole body was completely stiff, like it was not his own. He tried to scream for help but, for some reason, there was nobody around.

 

He was not in his bed, his brothers were not near him.

 

That was impossible, wasn’t it? Unless Chibita kidnapped him again while he was sleeping, but they were friends now. So that was not a possibility. Then, what was he doing in a place like this? It was dark, completely dark. He could not hear a thing but he could also not move at all… It was so dark that he was not able to see himself.

 

He was awake, but he could not see himself.

 

Was this a dream? Was he inside of one of those terrible nightmares again?

 

It had to be, but there was nothing he could do. No matter how much he tried to move, whatever was holding him down got a stronger grip on him. Fear started to consume his body as he tried to free himself and search for a way to illuminate the place. Darkness so thick, the lack of sound so strong, his heart was beating faster with every attempt to move but, in the end, he was unable to even hear or feel his own heart.

 

Was he even breathing?

 

Was Karamatsu Matsuno still alive?

 

He was nothing. A big nothingness in the middle of a dark pool, a place that consumed him to the point where he was not sure if he was still there. He felt a pressure somewhere, he guessed that it was in chest… Did he still have a chest? The pressure became bigger, stronger, his whole being hurting because of it, until something hit his back with such strength that he lost his breath.

 

He knew his eyes were closed when he tried to open them. Now, there was light.

A blue glow was coming from somewhere. Dark stuff tried to get to him, tried to touch his body but the light kept it at bay. Karamatsu looked at himself only to see he was trapped by vines and blue glowing roses.

 

He was definitely in a dream.

 

He had to wake up. He could not be in that disgusting dark place. He had to do something, anything, but his voice was not coming out of his chest and the vines gripped his body until it started to hurt. How was it possible for a dream feel so real, to the point of hurting? Was that even normal?

 

**_“Now, what do we have here?”_ **

 

Karamatsu flinched at the sound of that voice. The room that was completely silent until a few minutes ago, was now filled by that voice. It sounded… It sounded strange. It was a voice full of itself, a discordant voice that sounded sweet but gave a really bad feeling to his gut.  He had never heard a voice like that, a voice capable of making him want to run for the hills until he could not feel his legs anymore.  He was clenching his heart with every chuckle it gave, the darkness surrounding him becoming a thick fog that lurked by his side. It wanted to touch him, only the flowers were keeping it away.

 

**_“What’s this? You still have hope? Haven’t we told you that everything is useless? You are useless, hence whatever you do is just as useless as you”_ **

 

He had to stay strong. He could not give up yet, not after all his hard work. He was getting better, afterall. He improved his relationship with two of his brothers, he was learning, he was training. He was becoming a proper person, even when it was a slow journey. He had to keep his positivity, not matter what.

 

**_“Oh, you really believe that? That’s so sweet… The lies we tell to ourselves”_ **

 

The voice was laughing again, as the air around Karamatsu became heavy. He could not wake up. He couldn’t do anything. 

 

**_“You are trash. Just a painful mistake that someone made a few years ago and the world can’t get rid of… Your brothers don’t love you, what makes you think otherwise? An apology? Really? They are lying and you know it. They hate you or are lying . Everybody does”_ **

 

One of the flowers began to fade as the voice kept talking. Karamatsu did not want to hear that, but there was nothing he could do. Darkness swallowed his feet.

 

**_“You think anything will change? C’mon, we all know that is not true. As soon as you do something painful again, they’ll forget about their promises and apologies”_ **

 

Another rose faded away, dark matter swarming over his stiffened body. 

 

**_“And we know that you can’t stop being painful. Oh no, you can’t stop acting. If you do, they will see how you really are. Will they like it? Will anyone like you for who you are?”_ **

 

Another rose faded away. The more that voice talked, the more roses faded, giving space to the darkness.

 

**_“They won’t. They won’t like your true self. If you thought they would like it, then why were you acting all this time?”_ **

 

Karamatsu tried to scream. He did not like that darkness, he did not want to hear what that damned voice had to  say.  The light of the flowers almost disappeared and he began to feel small and hopeless. Why did he start acting? How did it all begin? He only wanted to be a cool guy. He just wanted to be loved and cherished.

 

**_“You wanted to be different. You wanted to be special. Your brothers didn’t like it when you started to try and be a good older brother, always scolding them. Protecting them. You wanted to stand out  because they rebelled against you… You and your ‘big brother’ way”_ **

 

Karamatsu heard a new sound beside the voice laughing. It was strong, but not as much as the voice. It echoed like the sound of the heel of a shoe colliding against the floor. The sound became stronger, clearer. Before he knew what was happening, a pair of feet stomped at every side of his head. There was only one blue flower glowing right on his chest.

 

**_“Who are you? Tell me now. Do you remember who you really are at least? Or… have you acted for so long that you can’t remember?”_ **

 

Karamatsu could not believe what he was seeing. A man was standing over him, wearing a very familiar outfit. His tall figure bending over a little, so that they could be face to face. The man in front of him did not wear a tank top with his face on it like Karamatsu did, but he was indeed wearing a blue shirt under the leather jacket. His smile was crooked, weird. It scared him. Even though the sunglasses did not allow Karamatsu to see this man’s eyes, he was still scared of him and his unnerving smile.

 

Not even Akumatsu looked that terrifying to him.

 

The man chuckled. He was the owner of that discordant  voice. The darkness disappeared, surrounding the man and becoming one with him.  To the point that it actually came from him.   Black flames and smoke spewed out from his clothes, his skin and hair. Karamatsu tried to scream and move, to get up and run away. The vines and rose stems were still there, trapping him, but that was not what kept him on the ground.

 

It was that man. 

 

Dark tentacles came out of his back, surrounding Karamatsu’s body and squeezing it until it was hard to breath. Even his mouth was covered, his chance to scream for help was ruined.

 

The man in leather stretched his arm, trying to touch the rose on his chest. 

 

Karamatsu could do nothing, only watch as that hand, surrounded in dark fog, was reaching toward him. Luckily, his rose shone brightly. The man with the discordant  voice backed off, grunting in pain while he looked at the rose with utter disgust.

 

**_“Oh, we don’t have to worry. You’ll ruin it. You ruin everything, so it’s alright”_ **

 

The man bent over again, making a really weird and impossible pose so that their faces were only inches away.

 

**_“Next time I am going to take your place. And you won’t even notice”_ **

 

He made a gesture toward the blue rose, shining a beautiful blue light. 

 

**_“That thing will not be here and I’ll take over. Just you wait”_ **

 

The man started to laugh, taking off his glasses. Karamatsu felt his heart sinking when he realized that the man had the same eyes he saw every morning, when he looked at the mirror. 

 

The same eyes, the same eyebrows.

 

The same clothes.

 

The same face.

\-------------------------

 

Karamatsu woke up.

 

“Nii-san! Are you okay?!”

 

He could not move. His body was stiff again, all covered in a sticky and cold sweat. He blinked a few times, his ears still ringing with the echo of his own scream. His stomach felt weak and his throat was kind of sore.

 

“Karamatsu? Hey, Karamatsu!”

 

He heard voices. Again. He did not want to hear voices anymore.

 

“Oh my god, he’s not reacting…”

 

“Is he still breathing?”   A voice asked. It sounded worried and was deeper than the others. Was it Jyuushimatsu? 

 

“Please, nii-san! Don’t die! We have to sing on the roof and play more baseball!”

 

“Calm down, Jyuushimatsu. He’s not dying… I think?”  Another voice tried to calm the first one.  “But he does look kind of pale… Should we throw water on him?”

 

“Osomatsu, don’t.”

 

“Hey, at least someone is proposing a solution here!”

 

Karamatsu blinked again and tried to move his body. He was feeling heavy and soggy, his bones weighed like a ton and every movement made him wish he was dead. Slowly, he started to move. He was surrounded by people, but he could not think about them for now… Trying to get up at that moment was stressful enough.

 

“Thank goodness, he’s moving… Are you alright, Karamatsu?”  Said the worried voice. It was the same voice that scolded Osomatsu. That had to be his younger brother, Choromatsu.

 

“See? You were worrying over nothing. Shittymatsu was probably overreacting.”

 

“Ichimatsu, I don’t think…”

 

Karamatsu was not listening. He composed himself enough to look at his surroundings. He was in a room, a normal room. The room in which he and his brothers slept and woke up in every day. Was it real? Was it another damned dream?

 

“Todomatsu, please put your phone away.”

 

“Sorry, he was making such a weird expre… Oh god… Now he does look bad. Hey, nii-san? Nii-san? Are you there?”

 

He felt weak. His heart was racing like mad, his head was pounding so hard it was difficult to keep his eyes open. He realized he was trembling to the point that even his teeth were chattering with each other.  Finally, when he sure that he was in the real world, in his house, and as soon as he felt a little safe, he had a stomachache.

 

“Karamatsu nii-san! You are okay, right!?”

 

“Jyuushimatsu, don’t!”

 

Before Karamatsu knew what was happening, he felt somebody’s arms around his neck. He remembered his nightmare, the hands, the darkness and before he could even say anything, he just pushed his younger brother and ran to the bathroom, barely having enough time to kneel in front of the toilet to puke. He heard steps behind him, but he was more focused on puking his intestines out without making too much of a mess.

 

“That is not normal…”   Someone said. 

 

Karamatsu felt a hand behind his back, caressing him. “Karamatsu, are you alright? What happened?”

 

“Choromatsu….?”   He had another attack .  “I… I am perfectly fine, I don’t know why…”

 

”Don’t lie to me, dammit! We heard you scream!”

 

“I screamed…?”

 

“Yes.”  He looked up, only to see Osomatsu at his side, Jyuushimatsu and the others behind him. He could even see the side of Todomatsu’s body from behind the door, he was probably trying to avoid the smell of his brother’s vomit. 

 

“You screamed like a madman and then you just… Lied there on the bed. You looked completely gone. Ichimatsu almost started a party, thinking you were dead.”

 

Karamatsu threw up again, but he had enough strength to show them the finger.

 

“Alright, we are sorry about that.”  Osomatsu did not look sorry at all.  “Now, are you sick? What’s wrong with you?”

 

Karamatsu breathed deeply. His stomach was still fighting, but it felt a little better now. Somebody gave him a glass of water and he drank it without even looking at who was holding it. Only when he returned the glass, did he see his fourth brother taking back the glass.

 

“I… Had a…”

 

Karamatsu couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. His stomach made a weird sound and he went back to the toilet, throwing up whatever was inside it. 

 

Choromatsu patted him in the back,  he also held his hair even though it was actually not necessary.

 

“You had a…? C’mon, Karamatsu. It had to be serious to leave you like this.”

 

“Nightmare. I had a…. Freaking nightmare.”

 

As soon as he said those words, Osomatsu started laughing his ass off. The others just looked at him in an odd way, like they were not able to understand the situation at all. 

 

For Osomatsu, who was kind of insensitive, it was just hilarious. The reality was that the brothers did not know what to think of Karamatsu’s words.   They did not know how to react, to the point that Osomatsu laughed even though his brother looked like he was hit by a bus. He couldn’t believe that just a little nightmare could leave his second brother in such a state… Not Karamatsu. He always acted like a wimp because he was a softie, but Osomatsu knew that his brother was actually pretty strong whenever he put his mind to it. Just a nightmare, leaving him like this… It was impossible.

 

“Oh, man! Don’t tell me that you had a bad dream and now you are being so dramatic! You’re such a baby, Karamatsu.”

 

“It wasn’t just one…”  He barely spoke, his body shaking again. Choromatsu was near, so he patted him again, noticing that there was something off with the second oldest only by looking at his shaken expression. This was not only a nightmare, this had to be something more. He was sure about that.

 

“Osomatsu, this is serious. Don’t laugh.”   His voice had a mixture of anger and worry.  “You’ve had… a lot of bad dreams?”

 

“Nightmares. Terrible nightmares. I’ve had them… for a while… I… It’s… There was a room once. A room filled with a dark thing falling from the ceiling. You were there.”  

 

Now Osomatsu was looking at him, dead serious. Everybody was looking at him.   

 

“I could hear your voices, telling me stuff and laughing while the goo thing was drowning me. I felt like I was drowning. Sometimes… Sometimes it’s just too real… I… I feel everything and when I wake up I am screaming and feeling sick. It’s always dark, gloomy, and terrible. ..”

 

He began to feel sick again, but Jyuushimatsu flung himself forward and hugged him tightly. Jyuushi told him everything was going to be alright and that dreams never come true when you tell them. So that’s what he did, Karamatsu told them everything: The restricted movement, the darkness, the roses, the other Karamatsu, the voices.

 

“He had… A voice… a voice formed from all of you. Like you were talking to me at the same time.”

 

He told them about the dark room he was in that time when Ichimatsu hit him. 

 

The more he talked, the more stressed he felt. His stomach seemed to be weak still, so he had to stop every now and then to throw up or he suffered from little convulsions. He knew he was probably scaring his brothers, but he needed to let everything out and Karamatsu was too weak to find his phone to talk to Yu.

 

“I don’t want to sleep. I don’t want to go back. What if he comes back? What will I do?”

 

Osomatsu came closer to him, falling on his knees while hugging his younger brother.

 

“Hey, calm down. It’s alright. You are here with us now!”  He tried to help him and calm him, not really knowing what to do in a situation like this. He did not have to look at his other brothers to see the worry in their eyes, especially when Karamatsu talked about the voices that sounded like them. “It’s okay…”

 

“He was right. He’ll come back and I won’t even notice…”

 

“Nobody is going to come back, you hear me?”  Grabbing Karamatsu by the shoulders, he shook him for a few moments trying to make him come to his senses.   “Hey! Look at me! I’m the oldest, so if anybody comes back, then I’ll protect you!”

 

Karamatsu felt the tears falling from his cheeks. He smiled at his older brother, maybe looking a little too desperate and being a little too honest when he spoke.

 

“Protect me? Since when have you done that?”   Karamatsu snorted, not feeling sorry for his brother’s guilty expression for the first time ever. Was this  _ his _ influence? Was this the other Karamatsu playing with his head?  

 

“It’s…. It is in my head, You can’t protect me there. Besides… He was right.”

 

Todomatsu was crying, holding onto Ichimatsu’s trembling shoulder. A few days ago he just despised his brother because of his sudden change and before that, he did it because Karamatsu’s painfulness was unbearable. Who would have thought that there was so much real pain hidden behind all that?

 

“A-about what, Karamatsu nii-san?”   He asked, with a trembling voice. His grip tightening over Ichimatsu, who was still silent, not able to look at Karamatsu’s face. But he was shaking, like everybody else.

 

“I don’t remember.”  Karamatsu said, looking at his hands positioned over his knees. 

 

He felt so empty at that moment, so weak… He always wanted to be strong so he could protect everybody and become a good older brother, but he was feeling too defeated for that. He needed his phone. He had to talk to Yu, but he could not remember where the fuck he left his phone last night. 

 

“I don’t remember who I am anymore.”

 

Choromatsu was just there, standing at the side of the toilet, hands now transformed into trembling fists.

 

“This… This is serious. Karamatsu, how long have you been… ?”

 

“The nightmares started a few months ago.”

 

Choromatsu sighed, walking towards him so he could caress his shoulder again.

 

”Not that. How long have you been feeling this bad?”

 

Karamatsu stopped for a moment, trying to remember. When was it? Since his brothers started to avoid him? When he stopped being their older brother? Maybe before, when he was still in the drama club? The more he tried to remember, the more his body started to shake again, all of his brothers were trying to calm him down because it was obvious, even to them, that he was about to have another attack.

 

“It’s been so long I can’t remember.”

 

Then he fell straight to the ground, in a dead faint. The last thing he heard was his brothers' screams before everything became black again.

\--------------------------------

”What the fuck did you just say?”

 

The doctor sighed heavily, asking the five brothers to please behave as they were in a hospital. Choromatsu scolded his elder brother, who was more interest in picking a fight with the doctor instead of listening to the diagnosis.

 

“Sorry, Doctor. My brother is a foul mouthed, hot-headed idiot. Can you please tell us what is wrong with Karamatsu? Is he sick?”

 

“Will he play baseball again?!”   Jyuushimatsu asked, moving his arms up and down. The rest were kind of quiet, waiting for the Doctor’s words and their parents, who were checking on their second son at the moment.

 

“Probably. He told us himself he was exercising, so that’s a good thing. It means we are on the right road… Allow me to explain.”  The doctor was a middle aged woman, with wrinkles around her eyes, her black hair tied in a firm bun over her head. She had bags under both her eyes,with a solemn and calm expression.  Luckily, she did not seem to be affected by Osomatsu’s words at all. It was like she was trying to calm them and it somehow worked. She had the same tranquil expression as the buddha statues that were in every temple.  

 

“What your brother has is called a ‘night terror’.”

 

Choromatsu looked at his sides. His brothers were hearing everything, of course, but they all looked so shocked that they were probably not listening. Now he was in charge, as Osomatsu was too angry to do anything, and the rest were too scared. So he inhaled, deeply, and thought of all the possible questions he could ask to the doctor.

 

“So… He will get better, right?”

 

The apologetic expression of the doctor told him otherwise.

 

“He can get better. The problem is that night terrors are not a disease… They are a symptom. That’s why we brought your brother here and that’s why we did all those tests and studies. We even monitored him during his sleep, so we could have the whole picture on what was happening with him.”

 

Choromatsu frowned. Yes, indeed they did a lot of tests. As soon as they called the ambulance and explained the situation, the doctor immediately ordered a lot of tests: blood test, pressure test, magnetic resonance, encephalograms, they even did a drug test to make sure that Karamatsu was not under the influence of some ‘toxic substance’. Then they took him to a ‘sleep clinic’, so that they could put electrodes on his face and monitor him while he was sleeping.

 

“Yes. He has been here for a whole day now! So… Did you figure it out? What does our brother have?”

 

“As I said, night terrors are a symptom. It can be a symptom of physical diseases, drugs abuse, alcoholism, traumas or phobias and… a psychological illness.” 

 

When she said that word, in the tone she said it, Choromatsu felt the world trembling under his feet. He was not the only one, as the rest of his brothers got up and came closer, looking intently at the doctor. 

 

“Like depression. Stress. Anxiety. Our psychology department determined that your brother had all of these…”   Todomatsu gasped, clinging onto Osomatsu’s arm for support.  “Your brother has a serious case of depression… But there is a possibility he also has borderline personality disorder.”

 

“What?!”  That was Osomatsu, too enraged to concentrate on the right thing. 

 

“Are you trying to tell me that my brother is crazy?! What the heck is wrong with you!”

 

“Osomatsu,  calm down!”

 

“How can you be calm, Chorofapinsky?! This old hag  is telling us that Karamatsu is crazy! You should be mad!”

 

The doctor was not alarmed at all, not even when Osomatsu walked towards her. 

 

The four brothers tried to stop him, but he was just too enraged so they could not hold him down. That’s how he ended up grabbing the doctor’s robe with his hands, trembling with rage.

 

“That’s not possible, you hear me? It is not possible!”

 

The doctor just looked at him with her calm eyes.

 

“Ah, these young people always get so carried away. You do know that you are in a hospital, right? There are security cameras, guards that are probably coming here right now. This is not going to help your younger brother, it will only end up with you behind bars. I don’t think that’s what your family needs now… Aren’t you the oldest? Start acting like it.”   

 

At those words, Osomatsu could only let go and look at the woman in front of him like she had just kicked him right in the gut. 

 

“That is always a possibility. You don’t need to be in a broken family or have a difficult life to have a mental illness. Sometimes, all that is needed is an unfortunate event, a wrong word said, even a bad thought. It’s like playing with fire in the woods. So yes, your brother can be sick and  _ he is _ .”

 

The eldest son’s hands fell to his sides, as he was processing the situation in his mind. Todomatsu was crying, Ichimatsu trembling. Jyuushimatsu had both his hands covering his face and Choromatsu was just about to have an attack. It was too much for everyone.

 

“O-okay… Okay, I get it. I’m sorry, it’s just…”

 

“I understand. You are nervous and nervousness often comes along with anger and disbelief. Don’t worry. Why don’t you just sit down? I could make someone bring you a coffee.”

 

“No. No, I am fine now. Please… What do we have to do now?”

 

“Well. First off, calm down. Your brother can get better and he will get better if he does the treatment. Second, he can live a perfectly normal life as soon as we can control his nightmares. And third… The borderline disorder it’s still just a possibility. It has a very big spectrum and every patient suffers it in a different way, so there’s nothing certain with this. Sometimes, it takes a lot of time and too many diagnostics to find the root of the problem. This does not mean your brother is a crazy person or anything like that, he won’t end up in a mental asylum.”

 

“Oh. Ohh… Okay, then…”

 

“He will have to go to therapy, of course. He can choose a doctor of his liking or come here, as we provide free services. He does have a healthy lifestyle… He told us that he works out and plays the guitar?”

 

“Yes!”   Jyuushimatsu almost screamed.  “He always plays with me! He is learning a lot of new musical things! Karamatsu goes to the library and everything.”

 

“Well then, that’s good. He has to keep that up. Having a hobby like music helps a lot, especially with expressing emotions and feelings. Working out will keep him focused, but he’ll have to do more, so he’ll get tired enough to sleep. We don’t want to give him pills just now.”

 

“I can take care of that! We can muscle hustle together!”

 

The doctor’s lips curved in a smile because of Jyuushimatsu’s enthusiasm. 

 

Sadly, Choromatsu couldn’t stop thinking about Karamatsu’s words the other day when they made up, nor could he forget that fight that he had with Ichimatsu. He told them that they were treating him badly, he told them he was sad. Was that just a scream for help? Maybe all those changes were his last attempt to get away from whatever was haunting him?

 

Was he trying to get away from them?

 

Just thinking about it made him feel like trash but, even when he did not want to hear it, he had to know. The others didn’t even try to learn more so, as always, it was his job to ask the uncomfortable questions.

 

“Doctor… Is there a reason? For Karamatsu’s condition?  He told us about his drea… Nightmares. He suddenly started to change and act different and…”

 

He wasn’t able to finish his sentence. Dead silence and tension filled the room as they were waiting for the Doctor’s response.

 

“Yes. He indeed told us about his nightmares and his fears. I can’t tell you much about it, as there is a code of medical secrecy that does not allow me to reveal any information given by the patient. Not even to his family.”   She added, as soon as she saw Todomatsu ready to reply.  

 

“Especially when the patient is an adult. What I can tell you, is that your brother does not have any friends. He feels lonely and anxious. Apparently, you are the only friends he has in this world. He has been asking for you, wanting to know if you were okay.”

 

Those words made the brothers’ hearts ache. The Doctor was looking straight at them, like she was trying to imply more than what she said, almost like she was giving them a hint. She was not judging them, that at least they were sure of… But they had the feeling  _ she knew _ . That women knew and was there, looking at them with her compassionate eyes. It was too much to bear.

 

“Sometimes.”   She said.   “When we depend on only a few people at the emotional level, we have trouble socializing… We tend to think that we have to change or be a certain way to be accepted. Sometimes we put up an act to not be hurt by those we love or, perhaps, to not hurt them. The act is like a snowball… Once it starts it’s impossible to stop it. You become that persona you act, hiding your feelings. If those that you love do things that make you feel bad, or start making you think that they don’t like you, then you don`t say anything because you don’t want to be left alone.”

 

Osomatsu clenched his teeth.

 

“Are you saying it’s our fault?”

 

“I am saying that our surroundings affect our psyche. But it is not only that… There’s a lot of reasons why people fall into depression or anxiety, but most of them are inside the person’s heart. So… The only thing you can do now is to be supportive.”

 

“Yeah… we understand…”

 

With that, they all bowed to the Doctor as she left to check on Karamatsu. Now alone on the hallway, the five brothers sat next to each other, forming a line of colored hoodies. They were silent, gone completely into their own minds until Todomatsu spoke.

 

”It’s… It is our fault, isn’t it?”

 

Osomatsu groaned.

 

“No, it`s not. The doctor said…”

 

“Oh, wake up already!”   The youngest yelled, trembling in his chair.  “It is our fault and you know it! We always ignore him, we mistreated him. We did not even noticed he was feeling bad until it was too late.”

 

“We did leave him alone last time.”  That was Choromatsu, remembering the card game incident.

 

Ichimatsu groaned. Afterall he was the one who punched Karamatsu.

 

“Tch… That idiot should’ve said something. Why did he never complain?”

 

“Maybe because we ignore him? I can’t believe you guys. Our brother is depressed! He has this borderline shit! How can you say it’s not our fault?”

 

Osomatsu got up and left, not saying anything. Jyuushimatsu hugged Todomatsu, who was trembling like crazy. Now Totty understood why Karamatsu acted like that when he saw him with his phone. ‘Normal’ Karamatsu wouldn’t have done anything, but his reaction was something else. Now he knew why and it made him feel terrible, because he never suspected a thing. He was just worried that Karamatsu had a secret girlfriend before he did.

 

Wasn’t that just utterly disgusting? His older brother was fighting with his nightmares and there he was, being jealous of him, just because he thought Karamatsu had a girlfriend.

 

He was total garbage. 

 

They all were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand I am leaving for the whole weekend leaving all this drama. Please don't hate me.
> 
>  
> 
> By the way, depression, anxiety, borderline disorder are serious things, If you ever feel like that, you have to talk to someone. It may be difficult and some people may no understand it at first, but always try to seek for help no matter how difficult it seems.
> 
> And, from someone who had his own share of depression, I promise you it gets better. You just need help and time.
> 
> You are not alone, 'kay?
> 
>  
> 
> Edit: Now corrected thanks to my beta reader n.n


	5. Jealousy

Karamatsu sighed, again.

He could not believe all of what had happened in the last few days.  He had a panic attack and fainted.  The next thing he knew, he was in a hospital.  He was attached to machines and watched carefully.  A few doctors came to talk to him.  It was extremely uncomfortable.  The worst part was seeing his brothers after that.  The doctor must have told them about his mental state because they looked at him like he was a fragile little creature.  He could see the sorrow and guilt in their eyes.  Todomatsu even threw himself at him, crying while saying that he was sorry at least a thousand times.

Now everybody knew that he had depression, as well as what was probably another very serious mental illness.

_Fuck…_

He could still remember how he felt when the doctor told him the bad news. He felt weak and vulnerable, like the world had lost its colours and something cold was piercing his chest. Karamatsu felt desperate at that moment, but the doctor reassured him. She told him that everything he had was fixable and that he was already on a good path, with his training and playing his guitar. Going out to the library and working out were good things too. He just had to change a few little things and start therapy. Only with time, would the psychologist know if he really had borderline disorder and to which degree he was affected by it.

 

“For the time being,”  the Doctor said, her eyes calming him a little.  “We have to concentrate on your depression and anxiety. You’ll have to start therapy with any doctor you want. You can come here for free services if you’d like. What you need to know is that this is not the end of the world.”

 

Karamatsu concentrated on her brown eyes that looked tired, but concerned. She had the expression of a caring mother… She reminded him of his own mother a little. He read the plaque on her robe: Dr. Usanagi.

 

“You can live a perfectly normal life. Any changes you may have to do will be minimal for now. Your therapist will be the one who will be in charge of helping you on this process.  With that, the support of the ones you love, and some willpower, you will get better.”

 

“Yeah… Thank you, Doctor. So… What should I do?”

 

“Well, you have already done a lot on you own. With exercising, finding a hobby, and going out. You have started on the right foot. Now you only have to start with your treatment. I do have to warn you about a few things…”

 

And that’s how he was told he had a lot of mental problems. It was kind of a shock, he had always felt that he had the strongest mind out of all the sextuplets but, apparently that was not true. Karamatsu exhaled deeply, feeling completely worn out. And it was not because he went to train with Jyuushimatsu and was now unable to move his body, no. It was his head. It felt so heavy and shaken, like a scrambled egg.

 

Now how he was supposed to face his brothers?

 

When he started his new lifestyle, the idea was to get away from them, move to another place and become a better person. He wanted to be a good man, a real man. If his brothers came to his senses and started to treat him better, then that would’ve been a nice plus, but now…

 

Now he was angry.

 

He was exposed to them, everything that he had wanted to hide from his family was already out in the open. Now they were going to treat him like a sick person, or worse, treat him like a pitiful thing. They would never be good to him because they cared about him, they just felt sorry for the poor depressed Karamatsu.

 

Depressed Shittymatsu.

 

_Damn…_

 

It was their fault, after all. It was because of them that he became like this. It was them who always made him feel like crap, made him wish he had never been born. They were the ones torturing him in his dreams. He never thought it would be this serious but, now that the situation came to this, was it okay to just forgive them?

 

Karamatsu felt the anger boiling inside him. The doctor warned him that he would probably have episodes of anger and fury.  Sometimes he would feel apathetic or sad for no reason. All his hard work, all that he had improved since he had met Yu, was completely gone in an instant. Not only did his brothers not apologize to him, but they were also the cause of his suffering.

 

They broke him. His brothers broke him.

 

And now he had to see a shrink, he would probably have to take pills and he couldn’t sleep at night. And what did he get in return? Their pitiful looks.  As he lied there in their shared bed, Karamatsu felt his heart sinking deeper into anger and desperation. It seemed that his brothers were right all those times they called him a “useless shittymatsu”. He couldn’t do anything right, not even becoming a better man.

 

His phone rang. He quickly moved his sore arm to grab his cellphone and look at the screen, smiling softly. Yu had sent a lot of messages during his time at the hospital, trying to find out how he was doing. When he was finally able to answer and explain everything to him, Yu became really worried. He gave him the number of his therapist again, and told him a few tips that could help him. Yu even offered to visit him and bake a cake for him, to make him feel better. Karamatsu refused, of course, as he did not want their first meeting to happen because of something as sad as his diagnosis. But he gladly accepted his tips and welcomed every message that Yu sent. His friend was very concerned for him, which made him feel loved for a change.

 

Yu was sending messages every day. Sometimes, he would just tell him stories again. Other times, he would just send cute videos of cats and dogs doing silly things.  And every once in a while, he would send him pictures of different fashions or clothes stores they could visit together someday.

 

_ <<As soon as you feel better, we can hang out. I really want to meet you, Karaboy. But I’m not going to force it>> _

 

_ <<Thanks, Yu. I appreciate it. I don’t want our first meeting to be darkened because of these bad news. The day we finally meet has to be filled with joy and excitement!>> _

 

_ <<And tons of sequins, right? ;) >> _

 

_ <<Probably?>> _

 

He laughed, Yu really made him feel better by only talking to him.

 

_ <<But the joy and excitement comes first. I just need some time, to get used to this… New thing.  It is very overwhelming. I don’t even know how to face my brothers now>> _

 

 _ <<I know how you feel, Karamatsu>>   _  Yu answered, his message filled with sad emojis.  << _You’ll feel bad for a few days. Sometimes, you won’t be able to control your feelings. But you are doing a great job already, so don’t worry about it. Doctor Hisoka will help you out, he’s awesome >> _

 

_ <<Yeah. It is odd… I always thought I was stronger than this>> _

 

_ <<So did I. You think living on the streets does not screw with your head? At least you have your parents and your brothers. And you are strong. You are doing something about it, a lot of people just give up>> _

 

Karamatsu sighed again, feeling defeated by everything. He wanted to forgive his brothers, he wanted to have a good relationship with them. He really wanted to be loved or, at least, be respected by them and Karamatsu was overjoyed when Jyuushimatsu and Choromatsu apologized and opened up to him. But now…

 

After all this, he was not feeling so sure anymore. Everything was gray and bitter.

 

_ <<My brothers probably think I am a pathetic wimp>> _

 

 _ <<Well, I think you are pretty great>> _  Yu wrote, Karamatsu’s chest was getting warmer just by reading those words.   _ <<And I think your brothers do love you, in their own weird way. They won’t think like that about you>> _

 

_ <<Thanks Yu…>> _

 

After that, they ended up talking about Yu’s classes. Apparently, his tests would be over by the end of next week, so he would finally have a free weekend. Not only that, but he had been working a lot in his job and he had a lot of photoshoots too. Yu would send him a few pictures of his new designs.

 

_ <<These are just the concepts, for now. I’ll improve them by hand, then I’ll  pass it to my computer to make more adjustments. We have to know how to design manually and using a computer or a pad. I am pretty used to the old school method, tho>> _

 

The designs were lovely to Karamatsu’s eyes. They were for women, sure, but he could actually see a lot of girls using those clothes and feeling beautiful while wearing it. One of them was a lovely short denim overall with red buttons and adorable details in tartan on the pockets. It came with its own tank top, so it was supposed to cover everything that needed to be covered. It looked nice. The other picture was from a georgeus dress. When he looked at it, Karamatsu immediately thought of a greek robe, as it looked like that from the waist down… The  dress marked the waist and had some cleavage, but it’s strong point was that it had only one shoulder decorated with pearls and a long, long tulle that could be wrapped around the person. And it was going to be kind of glittery.

 

_ <<They are both adorable, but the dress it’s definitely my favourite. It looks so dashing and pretty… Anybody would feel beautiful with that>> _

 

_ <<That’s the idea. I like doing a wide variety of styles and shapes, so everybody can wear it. According to my teachers, that’s going to give me problems as the stores only buy collections with tiny sizes. I wish the idiots who decided on that could see some of my friends’ expressions when they try to buy clothes and everything is for thin girls>> _

 

That lead to a thirty minutes discussion about society and the pressure to be thin and beautiful that everybody faced. He never thought that someone could get that worked up about anything, but Yu was a person with very strong convictions. He was reasonable, though, as he loved debating about almost everything, so those kind of discussions with him were entertaining. Karamatsu was learning a lot, too… After all, he knew nothing about the “body positive movement” before he met Yu, for example.

 

Even though their chat was incredibly interesting, there came a moment when Yu had to leave him. Karamatsu said his goodbyes and then tried his best to get out of the bed. He did not wanted to be at home now, so Karamatsu figured he could go to the library and, maybe, talk to this ‘Doctor Hisoka’ to get an appointment.

 

He was not going to give up. He had to get out of it.

 

\-------------------

 

They were all in the dining room, sitting around the table. Everybody seemed enthralled with the TV, but Osomatsu couldn’t do anything but think. He remembered when they were younger, Karamatsu had suddenly become the big brotherly figure. He stopped fighting, and he always made the others apologise to their mother when they broke something by accident. Osomatsu himself became lazy because of that, after all, with Karamatsu around he had no need to be an example for anyone.

 

Karamatsu was a good big brother, he always was. Even when Ichimatsu and Todomatsu became rebellious and started to argue with him, he never let anything they said or did get to him.  Osomatsu did not know why Todomatsu stopped picking fights with Karamatsu, but he did know that it had something to do with a fight that Todomatsu couldn’t win, Jyuushimatsu being hurt because of him, and Karamatsu saving the day, of course.

 

When they were in high school, Karamatsu would always save the day.

 

Ichimatsu was different, though. He never could grasp why he started to show his teeth to Karamatsu, like a mad dog. Afterall, Karamatsu always believed in him, they used to be close to each other. He could still remember seeing their backs as they were sitting together somewhere in the house, doing homework or helping each other.

 

Osomatsu remembered Karamatsu used to be very popular in his class, even though he did not seem to notice. Girls liked him because he was a gentleman, always helping those in need, and guys liked him because they could talk to him about anything. He was kind of hilarious, too, so they were always laughing whenever Karamatsu was near them.

 

Osomatsu was not that popular. And his brothers did not look at him the same way they did with Karamatsu. So, the day after Karamatsu had a fight with Ichimatsu and asked Osomatsu for advice, he said something like:

 

“ Ichimatsu does not like you anymore? You may want to act different.  That way Ichimatsu won’t get mad at you! It’s a good plan, isn’t it? Think of it as a play for your club! I’ll help.”

 

He gave his brother a few tips, based on the characteristics of a character his younger brother had to  play for his club. And the painful guy was born. Now he wondered if things would’ve gone differently had he realized what was actually happening. Osomatsu really cared about his brothers, all of them. But that time he may have acted selfishly.

 

He does remember laughing behind Karamatsu’s back for believing him, hoping his new mannerisms would disgust everybody.

 

He did not do it on purpose, not like that. It was just a stupid teenage prank, he just never thought it was going to last so long. He could not even remember when they all started punishing Karamatsu’s painfulness.

 

What would the others say if they knew that the reason they were always ignoring Karamatsu, was actually his fault?

 

_Speak of the devil_

 

Karamatsu came into the room. He was wearing his blue overalls and black shirt, the same as the day before. He looked tired, and the bags under his eyes confirmed it. Karamatsu was kind of pale but he had his chest puffed up like a bird. As if he were in something serious, like it was a competition.  Osomatsu didn’t say a word, but Totty turned around to see him and smiled awkwardly at Karamatsu.

 

“Oh, nii-san! You are up.”

 

“Yeah…”

 

Karamatsu’s voice was ice cold. Todomatsu recoiled for a moment, but he persisted.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“To the library. I want some poetry books.”

 

“Poetry? Geez, that’s so…”  He stopped as soon as he realized he was going to  say ‘painful’ again and Karamatsu’s eyes darkened.   “Anyway… Can I come with you? I’d like to…”

 

“No.”

 

The answer was so biting that Todomatsu did not know how to reply. Everybody turned around to watch the show, while Karamatsu’s expression became harder at the same time.  He clenched his fists and turned away to leave.

 

“W-wha…? But, Karamatsu nii-san…”

 

“I said no.”

 

Ichimatsu groaned.  “Cut him some slack, will you? He’s just trying to be nice.”

 

“Oh, really? Todomatsu is suddenly being nice after years of telling me that it was such a shame that I was still alive for all these years? Didn’t you want to be quintuplets?”

 

Todomatsu stiffened, grabbing his phone with both hands. Now all the brothers were looking at them. Jyuushimatsu even got up and went to Karamatsu, caressing his hand, but the older brother just looked away.

 

“I-i’m sorry, Karamatsu nii-san.”

 

“Do not call me that! I have never been your ‘nii-san’!”

 

Karamatsu was panting already, but he did not move. Jyuushimatsu’s firm grip on his sleeve was enough to help him remember that he was talking to his brothers, but it did not help to control all of his anger.  Todomatsu backed up, tears filling his eyes as he remembered all the times he said those mean words.

 

“You are just being nice now because I am… am… Well, I’m fucked up. You messed with my head, all of you! Every day, every week, saying terrible things to me like I was some kind of… of… toy you could play around with. Well, everybody has limits, right? I am not taking your shit anymore. And I certainly don’t want your pity!”

 

“I… I wasn’t… I… I am sorry…”

 

“You don’t get to be sorry!”  He screamed, making all of his brothers jolt in their place. Ichimatsu hissed and got up, going to him.

 

“Not after all this years! I… I was kidnapped and you didn’t give a shit, I was hurt like hell and you didn’t even care. I could be gone a whole week and you wouldn’t even notice. Everytime I close my eyes I can see you all looking at me in disgust and telling me to die. So you don’t get to be sorry now!”

 

“Oi! Karamatsu!”  Ichimatsu grabbed him by his shoulder only to be pushed away.  “We… We didn’t mean it.”

 

“Oh? You don’t mean it? What about all those: ‘You should just die already, Shittymatsu.’?  That’s what I am to you, right? A piece of shit that you can step on to feel better about yourself. You think you are trash but you treat me like I am below that. Shittymatsu, Shittymatsu. You never call me by my name…” Ichimatsu swallowed, looking completely dumbfounded. “Do you know how many times you told me to die in a single day? Five hundred and thirty nine. Yeah, I counted them.”

 

“I… I’m…”

 

“You are _what_?!”

 

“Dude, calm down!”  Osomatsu could not take it any longer. Not even his brother was allowed to talk like that to the youngest.  “All right, we get it! You are mad! Just because you are a little depressed does not mean…”

 

“A _little_?!”  Karamatsu snapped at him, and Jyuushimatsu noticed the movement of his arms, so he immediately grabbed him from the back, not allowing him to move.  “You fucker! You can’t come and tell me how I feel! You can’t just invalidate me like that! I am your brother too and you’ve been bullying me for YEARS! You didn't even care when I was trembling in bed! I could die tomorrow and you’d be happy. After all, you’ve never stopped it…”

Karamatsu let his arms fall to his sides, taking a long and deep beath. Osomatsu was just there, watching his trembling younger brother as he was trying to control his feelings. He knew Karamatsu was right, he knew it. It was their fault. It was his fault, because he never lifted a finger to stop the bullying. He himself said and did a few bad things to Karamatsu, but his brother was always there again, smiling at them. He just wanted to see if his brother had breaking point, if he would stop acting like a painful idiot and finally be himself. But everything went too far.

 

Jyuushimatsu hugged his older brother to the point that it seemed that his yellow and Karamatsu’s blue would mix together.

 

”Karamatsu nii-san… Do you hate us?”

 

“ _You_ never hurt me on purpose, Jyuushimatsu. I would never hate my precious little brother, but… It’s terrible, you see? I love you. After all you’ve done, I can’t hate you.  I even want to forgive you. All of you. I wanted to become someone you could be proud of. I wanted to be independant and move away, so the hurt would stop and I could love you without feeling that… That you would be happy if I was dead.”

 

An ominous silence filled the room. Every Matsuno looked at the second oldest, feeling like their hearts were cracking. They never realized they were that bad. They were just teasing, it was just a game. Whenever they felt bad, they would just bother Karamatsu and then they would suddenly feel better. It was so normal for them that they never stopped to think what their brother would think about that “playful teasing”.

 

And the sudden realization that it never occurred to them to think about Karamatsu’s feelings, was the worst part.

 

“I want to forgive you, but… I don’t really know if I can do that now. Sorry…”

 

Karamatsu just turned around and patted Jyuushimatsu’s head, who was trembling and covering his face with his sleeves. Then, without a word, he just left the house in complete silence. Karamatsu felt his chest hurting so much it was almost impossible for him to breath, he could felt his heart beating hard against his ribcage as he forced himself to go to the library.

 

He was such a failure, venting at his brothers like that. But he was angry and worn out. He was the one who tried to be better, who beared with everything and made all the effort. Now it was their turn to make an effort so he could forgive them.

 

Meanwhile, he was going to do his best to improve. He was not going to fall and that damned depression was not going to beat him.

 

Never.

 

\-------------------

 

Ichimatsu needed some air, so he decided to visit some of the strays. It was getting late, so the streets were almost empty. No noise, no sounds, no happy couples nor children running all over the place. He would be able to feed the cats and play with them without being interrupted.

 

The only thing that interrupted him were his own thoughts.

 

He tried to forget about the incident, as he did with anything that threatened to break his way of living. He forgot the terrified face his brother made two days ago, when he woke up screaming like somebody was hurting him. He forgot about the hospital, about Dr. Usanagi’s words. He even forgot about Todomatsu saying that it was all their fault.

 

Or at least, he tried to forget.

 

But he couldn’t. Karamatsu’s distorted face came into his mind whenever he closed his eyes, that hurt and angry expression he made during that afternoon, when he snapped at everybody, was carved with fire into his brain. Karamatsu was really hurt. Whatever he had, it was not a joke.

 

He did not come back to the house either.  So when he said he was out to feed the cats he was actually lying, as he was just looking aimlessly for Karamatsu. But the others did not need to know that. Sadly, he wasn’t able to find him… Not  even with his army of cats help. He asked from the strays, to the neighborhood cats, and none of them had seen Karamatsu since he left. Ichimatsu’s heart begin to pound harder as he walked faster, trying to go to every place that his brother used to go.

 

Now he was worried.

 

Karamatsu’s face and voice came back to him. He never thought Karamatsu would ever make such an expression, that he would see him so broken and shaken. He remembered Karamatsu as always smiling, always happy. Singing with Jyuushimatsu or doing silly things, he was always in a good mood. Karamatsu never complained when they said things to him, so it became a part of their lives.

 

Bullying Karamatsu.

 

He never thought about it, really. When they were young, Karamatsu was the good older brother, always checking on everybody, making sure that the five of them did their homework and keeping them away from fights. He also used to defend them, even though he did not like violence. As Karamatsu became popular among his peers, Ichimatsu just became lonelier. He could not fit anywhere, since people scared him. Whenever he tried to make friends or just do anything that involved social contact, he became so scared that he didn’t know what to do… It was around that time when he started to feel like he was trash. Afterall, who would want to be near an idiot who could not even express himself properly? A kid who always stuttered and could not look people in the eye?

 

**_“Don’t worry, Ichimatsu. You just have to keep trying and you’ll make it someday. I believe in you.”_ **

 

Karamatsu told him that thousands of times when they were kids, after Ichimatsu confessed to him that he had trouble making friends. But when they reached second year in highschool, Ichimatsu still had not made any progress. In fact, a lot of people started to avoid him and look at him weirdly because he was always alone.

 

On the other hand, Karamatsu had friends. He had a lot of people that came to him for help and was able to get into the drama club. Ichimatsu wanted to be there too, but he was too shy. He could not say a word without feeling terrified.

 

So, every time Karamatsu told him “I believe in you” became a torture.

 

There was no point in believing in someone like him. He was useless. And Karamatsu was always smiling. Ichimatsu started to feel like a failure, not being able to accomplish what Karamatsu hoped for him. If that stupid Shittymatsu could make friends and act in a play, why he couldn’t do it too?

 

“That’s when all started…” Ichimatsu mumbled, walking down the dark streets of his neighborhood. He started to treat Karamatsu like shit, he started to act like an idiot and everything became complete and total madness. Did Karamatsu start with his painful act because of him? He was, after all, the first of his brothers to begin treating him like crap.

 

He actually liked Karamatsu. He liked him as much as he despised him. Even when he was a painful idiot, Karamatsu was still able to do things that Ichimatsu could not do. He was kind and strong, he was nice to everybody. Karamatsu was the guy that helped old ladies cross the street or helped lost kids find their mommies.

 

But not a lot of people knew that. Only him. Because he liked to follow Karamatsu around sometimes… But only because he wanted to see him getting rejected by girls.

 

Ichimatsu was thinking about it, taking a shortcut through the park to get home faster when he heard a loud noise. He could recognize that sound anywhere, so he rushed over to see what was happening. A cat was screaming and snarling, the sound mixed with growls and barks. He could hear a person laughing. He ran as fast as he could, only to see an idiot with an enormous, savage dog. It was a very big dog, probably one of those expensive dogs that some people got to scare burglars and protect their family. But this asshole, a dude whose face he could barely see because of the dark, was teaching his dog to hunt and hurt a poor innocent cat.

 

Ichimatsu could barely control himself. He screamed at the top of his lungs, running towards the scene. The guy told him something, he even had the nerve to scream at him while Ichimatsu covered the cat with his whole body. The poor creature was so hurt… He had bite marks and blood coming from the holes that the dog fangs let on him. It had cuts, parts of his fur taken out, and it was moving so little that Ichimatsu thought it was dead.

 

“Just let that thing die already!”  The guy screamed, but Ichimatsu refused to move. The dog was barking, completely feral. It had its eyes red from the adrenaline, its whole body tensed, pulling the leash that was holding him down with all his might. Ichimatsu knew it was not the dog’s fault, it was just doing what his master taught him. The young Matsuno was able to see that stupid idiot smirk before he just let go of the leash.

 

This was the end now. He could defend himself, but that meant leaving the cat completely unprotected. So he decided to sacrifice himself for the little fella… After all, he did not have a future to hope for. Even if he ended up completely disfigured by the dog, he didn’t have much to lose.

 

He closed his eyes, accepting his fate.

 

“Ichimatsu!!”

 

Someone said his name. He knew that voice. He just had enough time to open his eyes, only to find the huge dog’s jaw closing on someone’s arm. Blood was dripping, the dog was snarling, another hand was pulling the neck skin of the dog, trying to control it. Ichimatsu just stayed there, not believing what his eyes were seeing.

 

“Ichimatsu, run!!!”

 

That was Karamatsu. His older brother was there, fighting against the dog. A huge dog, almost as big as a pitbull. The dog was biting his arm, as his brother used himself as a human shield to protect him from its sharp teeth. He could not move, while Karamatsu was grunting, fighting and struggling, the veins on his arms and neck getting thicker because the effort he was exerting.

 

It was like the old days, whenever Karamatasu came to his aid during a fight. He looked so cool he could not stop watching. His brain was trying to process the whole scene, his conscience reminding him of Karamatsu’s words that day.

 

Ichimatsu snapped out of it, grabbing the cat the best he could and running for it. He climbed on top of the nearest tree, just in time to see his older brother pushing the damned dog away, in a demonstration of strength that Ichimatsu never thought he had. With his left arm still dripping blood, Karamatsu turned to the dog owner. The guy was screaming insults, threatening him with “kicking his fucking ass”, but Karamatsu knocked him down with single punch right into his jaw.

 

Ichimatsu had never seen someone fall to the ground so fast. And hard. He even made a heavy “THUD!” when his face hit the floor. Ichimatsu cuddled the cat against his chest in an attempt to comfort him, all while looking at Karamatsu doing something to that dude. He could not see clearly… But when Karamatsu got up, the dude had his hands tied with his own belt and no clothes from the waist down.

 

“Never thought he could do something like that.”

 

Karamatsu moved quickly, running toward the dog, who was still passed out and a little dizzy, using his leash to tie it to a tree. Then he made a call. With that, he ran to where Ichimatsu was, his arm still bleeding, all covered in sweat.

 

“Ichimatsu!”

 

Not seeing his younger brother made him panic.  Maybe he did not have to call the dog pound before checking on him, but he could not let that dangerous fiend on the streets. Where the heck did his brother hide? What if he was lost? Was he hurt? Ichimatsu, not knowing about Karamatsu’s worries,  climbed down the tree.

 

“I am here… Ah, your arm…”

 

Karamatsu grabbed him by his shoulders.

 

“Are you okay?! Are you hurt anywhere?”  Karamatsu started to feel him and touch him, scanning him with his eyes from head to toe to make sure he was fine. Ichimatsu could not believe it, Karamatsu worried for his safety after all that happened.  “I can take you to the hospital, just climb on my back. I’ll run!”

 

“I am… fine…”  He suddenly remembered the cat and showed it to Karamatsu. His brother gasped, but he immediately understood why his younger brother was in such a situation. The poor little animal was still breathing so, without missing a beat, Karamatsu grabbed Ichimatsu by his hand and made him run.

 

“Wha…?! What the hell! What are you doing, Painfulmatsu!?”

 

“Do you want to save the cat  or not?!”

 

“Y-yeah!”

 

“Then shut up and run, we still have time!”

 

Ichimatsu ran, but he was dragged by his older brother more than anything. While they were running (again, Ichimatsu was just being dragged away by Karamatsu), the younger one took a moment  to look at his brother’s back. It was wide, muscular. Tense. It was the back he used to follow around when he was younger. When did he stop looking up to him? He had his reasons to avoid his brother but… Was it worth it?

 

Karamatsu ran like he was being chased by the devil himself. He ran to the point he was pretty sure he was going to lose his lungs. He knew where he had to go… After running for a while, he turned on a corner only to see the place he was looking for.

 

A veterinary.

 

It was still open despite the late hour. There was a person near the entrance, changing the sign from “open” to “closed” and Karamatsu ran faster just to open the door before the guy could even finish his task. He even let go of Ichimatsu’s hand and ended up falling straight onto the vet floor.

The owner looked at him like he was crazy.

 

“What the frickin hell…?”

 

“Help! Please!”  He yelled, trembling from the effort.  “Cat… dog… Bite… It… It’s going to die! I didn’t know where else to go!”

 

“I am sorry, young man. But we are already closed.”

 

“Please!”

 

That was Ichimatsu’s voice. Karamatsu turned around to see his brother on his knees, raising the little cat’s hurt body. It was obvious the poor creature was fighting for its life. The veterinarian looked at both of them, looked at the animal and then frowned.

 

“I can’t leave this poor creature like that. Nurse!”   He yelled, as he walked towards Ichimatsu to grab the cat carefully.  “Prepare the surgery room! We have a last minute patient and it’s a serious case!”

 

Behind the counter, right next to the shelves full of medicines, there was a white door that was opened in an instant, revealing a young woman in medical scrubs. She looked at the doctor completely confused until she saw the cat. Then she just nodded and walked inside to prepare the room.

 

“Yes, doctor. Right away!”

 

“All right… My wife will come to close the door and give you a phone so you can call your family. This is going to take a while, so I don’t know when you may leave.”

 

Both brothers just mumbled something and the doctor left with the cat, disappearing behind the door. Ichimatsu and Karamatsu got up, looked at the waiting room and then decided to sit in the chairs that were right on their left. Karamatsu dropped into his seat, ignoring the pain in his arm like it was not there.

 

“Dear God… That was… I think I just lost ten years of my life tonight.”

 

“Yeah…”  Ichimatsu sat next to him, too. Not knowing what to  say.  “I… what were you doing at the park?”

 

“Ah… Well, my dear brother, after being in the library all afternoon, I decided to surround myself with the immense natural beauty of our park, so the muses would whisper their beautiful words to me. You know, for inspiration.”

 

“Tch… You… You were gone all day.”  He groaned, hugging himself, not knowing what to do with his hands.

 

“Indeed. I did not wanted to go back home for a while. I needed time to think.”

 

“I see…”  Ichimatsu looked around. The place was kind of colorful. Cream walls, green floor, orange counter and shelves. There was pictures of cats, dogs and bunnies along with informational posters about vaccines, diseases and even some of them explained how to help abandoned puppies or what to do if you encountered a wounded bat. It looked very nice… For a veterinary. Another woman came into the place, using another door that was opposite to the shelves. She went to the front door, locked it and then asked them if they needed to use the phone.

 

“No, I’ll send a text to my brothers. They’ll understand.”

 

“All right, then. Do you want something? Water? Coffee? You just have to ask. Don’t worry about the cat”  The woman said, making Ichimatsu lift his eyes from the floor. She was smiling kindly at him.  “My husband will do his best to help him.”

 

The lady was wearing scrubs too. She seemed to be in her thirties and looked pretty nice for her age. She just had a few wrinkles on the sides of her mouth and Ichimatsu could see it was from smiling. Brown hair, Brown eyes, kind expression. Something in her made him relax a little bit but he did not answer, so his brothers spoke for him.

 

“Ah, thanks a lot, my dear lady. Don’t think bad of my brother, though. It has been a tremendous night”  She nodded, seemingly not disturbed by Ichimatsu’s lack of response.  

 

“I am pretty sure the doctor will do whatever it is in his power to help that poor little kitten. But… It would be too much to ask for a cup of coffee? I want to be awake when the doctor leaves the operation room.”  Ichimatsu moved to his side.   “I mean, we. We both would like to be awake. If it’s not a nuisance, of course.”

 

“It is not”  The lady said.   “After all, you look like you really need that coffee. Did you run all the way here?”

“Yes”  They answered at the same time, making her giggle. After she introduced herself as Kiyomi, she told them she was going to prepare the coffee and asked them to wait for her. Then, Kiyomi left from the same door she came in, leaving them all alone.

 

Ichimatsu looked at his brother. He was completely worn out, he could tell. Karamatsu was so tired, that he looked like he was about to become one with his seat. But even so, he had enough strength to take his phone and send a text.

 

“What are you doing, Karamatsu?”

 

“Texting Choromatsu. He’ll be worried if you don’t come back on time.”

 

“He… would be worried if you didn’t come back too”  Karamatsu’s face darkened. He was still mad.  “Why did you helped me?”

 

Karamatsu sighed and turned to look at his brother’s face with a brow arched.

 

“Why would you ask such a thing? I told this to Todomatsu before… I may be mad at you, but you are still my brothers. I don’t want anything nor anyone to hurt you. Do you really think I would let you get eaten by a mad dog?”

 

Ichimatsu felt his cheeks heat up, and averted his eyes.

 

“No. You are not garbage like me. “

 

“You are not garbage. In any case, my brother, you are just trying to find your place in this world… Or a path that leads to your place in this world.”

 

Karamatsu could not help but smile, thinking about the person who told him that.

 

“No. I am garbage. I always say things… Do things. You are just too kind and it pisses me off.”  The older one frowned, making an effort to try and understand his brother’s words.  “I don’t hate you. Hate is… strong. I just… Thinking that even you have a better chance than me to fit into society… You always had people surrounding you. Friends, classmates. I was too scared and… You are brave. I am not. It bothers me. I should deal with it, right? Not snap at you.”

 

Karamatsu could not believe it. For a moment, he thought that he was again in one of his dreams. Ichimatsu telling him that he was brave and could fit into society… He remembered how difficult it was for Ichimatsu to talk to people and open up to other. His younger brother also hated anything that caused some change in his routine, like a cat would. So this was his reason? All those years of bullying just for _this? Jealousy?_

 

“All these years I thought you hated me.”  He realized too late that his voice was trembling.  “And… And now you’re telling me that you were jealous? Just jealous? All this time?”

 

“I…. guess.”

 

“Wow. That’s… That’s just… _So ridiculous_.”

 

Before he knew what he was doing, Karamatsu was already giggling. His brother looked at him like he was crazy but, after a minute, he laughed too. It was so stupid, both of them trapped in their own darkness, one hurting the other, just to realize it was all a misunderstanding. If Ichimatsu would have been more honest and Karamatsu had defended himself, then things would’ve been different. It was too hilarious to not laugh.

 

“We are a pair of imbeciles, aren’t we Ichimatsu?”

 

“I agree… But thanks. For today. You helped me and saved the cat. I did not know what to do and you just… You even knew about this veterinary.”

 

“Yeah, well… That was a coincidence, someone told me about this place. I’m glad we made it in time… I just hope the cat gets better.”

 

Ichimatsu nodded. He was now with his feet on the chair, hugging his knees.

 

“Nice punch, though. That asshole fell straight to the ground.”

 

“Thanks. Face first on the ground, though. It is my trademark.”

 

“You have a ‘trademark’ punch?” His arched his brow in disbelief, not knowing if he should believe his brother or not.

 

“Well, Osomatsu usually beats his foes in the stomach to weaken them and then he makes a “knee to the nose”, followed by a series of blows. That’s too much work. Nice and clean is always better.”

 

“Oh.”  Ichimatsu laughed.  So that’s why his older brother always became so beaten after every battle he had during high school. Even if he ended up being the winner, all those movements and steps took too long, so he probably ended up receiving a few punches too.  “Nothing is better that a cage and a tiger, though.”

 

“Indeed. That’s why I brought this.”  Karamatsu used his good hand to check his pocket, until he found something. A wallet. A very, very full wallet.  “We’ll use this to pay for the kitten’s treatment.”  He said, taking all the money from the leather wallet.  “But we need to get rid of the evidence in case that bastard says something, so be a good kitty-cat and transform this nice wallet into a pile of shreds with your claws.”

 

 _So that’s why he pulled down that guy’s pants!_ Ichimatsu didn’t have to think twice and transformed before anybody else saw him, shredding the damn thing. Karamatsu smiled, pleased as he threw the shreds in a garbage can that was nearby.

 

”Good job. Now, I also have this.”  He showed his brother an identification card.  “Took it from his wallet too. It says who this idiot is and where he lives, so… If you want to call you tiger friend…”

 

Karamatsu didn’t finish that sentence but he was already giving the card to Ichimatsu, grinning mischievously. Ichimatsu’s eyes sparkled for a second before his face became dark and wicked, grabbing the card.

 

“Gladly.”

 

“Give him hell, then. But get rid of the body later.”

 

“I won't have to, he’ll be eaten.”  Karamatsu smirked and then the door was open. Kiyomi came back with coffee for both of them. As she was behind the counter, preparing a file for the kitten, both brothers drank in silence for a while until Karamatsu broke the silence.

 

”So?”

 

Ichimatsu lift his head, confused.

 

“So…?”  

 

“Where’s my ‘sorry’?”

 

Only then did the purple one realize that he had never actually apologised to his brother. He blushed, grabbing his mug of coffee with both of his hands as his eyes darted from his brother’s face to the dark liquid.

 

“I… Sorry.”

 

“You are?”

 

“Yes. I never really meant it, all that I said. I’m garbage. Forgive me.”

 

“Well… I can forgive you for hitting me and leaving me on the sidewalk. But forgiving everything else is going to be hard.”  Before Ichimatsu could say a word, he lifted a finger.  “But… I can compromise. This will be a process. I’ll try and be a better brother and you’ll try to be a better brother. And one day… Everything will be forgiven and forgotten.”

“I… I guess we can try.”

 

They both smiled a bit, but just a bit, before returning to their coffee.

 

“Um, sorry to interrupt.”  Both of them turned around to see Kiyomi. She was still writing a file for the cat.  “But I have to know how you found the cat. You know, for his clinical history.”

 

“Hm… I found it.”  Ichimatsu said, drinking slowly.  “A guy had a dog and was teaching him to hurt cats. I protected it, my brother struggled with the dog and when he could get it off me then, we ran here.”

 

“Oh dear god… Are you alright? I am a nurse, actually. A human nurse.”  She said, walking towards them.  “I just help my husband with the paperwork in my free time, but if you need anything… I have medicine. I am legally authorized to help you.”

 

“Hm, I am fine…”  Then he remembered Karamatsu’s arm dripping blood.  “But Karamatsu was bitten.”

 

“Heh, it’s alright, my dear brother. Just a simple scratch. The cat’s life was more important.”

 

Kiyome clucked.

 

“No, no. A dog bite can be serious. They get infected fast and even if it doesn’t get infected…  Do you know if the dog had any vaccinations? You don’t want to get rabies, right? Now, where did the dog… _Oh my god_.”

 

Before any of the brothers moved, the lady grabbed Karamatsu’s bitten arm. Ti had just been a few minutes, maybe an hour, but it was already completely red and swollen.

 

“Oh dear god, this is bad! You need antibiotics right now! Did you get the tetanus vaccine this year? Please, tell me you did…”

Karamatsu became pale.

 

“W-well… What if I didn’t…?”

 

“Well… You better prepare yourself for _a lot_ of injections.”

 

Both brothers looked at each other.

 

_Fuck._

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Thank you everybody for all the comments, kudos and support. I'll try my best to give you a good story! I do apologize if everything becomes a little OOC... I'll try to keep the characters as loyal as I can, but in order for the story to progress I may have to make a few changes. After all, everybody has to grow up sometime, am I right?
> 
> Again, special thanks to my super amazing beta reader Tsukikage_Hoshiko. You are the best!
> 
>  
> 
> PS: Today's my B-day! x3 So i'll be waiting for your comments while eating cake ;P   
>  
> 
> Anyway, I may not upload as fast as before for a few weeks. Don't worry, I am not leaving. I have too many tests, that's all. As soon everything ends, I'll be back.
> 
> Bye! Send me your comments, your theories, or any suggestion you may have :3


	6. Better man

 

The cat made it.

It took a surgery, blood transfusions and a lot of treatment (paid for with somebody else’s money, of course), but finally he was able to walk and eat on his own again. 

Unfortunately, the poor animal would never be able to walk normally again, so he had to spend the rest of his life in a house, being taken care of. That’s how Ichimatsu ended up adopting the little fella, under the condition of taking care of it without bothering his parents. On the other hand, Karamatsu had to have treatment too. He did not have a surgery, but he did have to take a lot of meds for the recovery of his arm. The doctor gave him a tetanus vaccine and, after that, he had to receive ten injections to prevent rabies. So, for ten days, he had to go to the vacunatory to receive his injection. And, for each injection, he had to spend a whole week without consuming milk, chocolate, fish, nor anything fried.

He was basically living on salad and fruits, to his own disgrace.

The good thing was that he was covered for rabies and that his arm was getting better, so Karamatsu did not lose a lot of practice with his guitar and soon recovered all the lost time. Also, the vet gave them a discount.

“I don’t do this for the money” the man said, always serious while petting the cat that was still recovering at that time “I just love animals. I can’t believe someone tried to hurt this little fella… Look how cute he is”

Both Karamatsu and Ichimatsu smiled at the sight… And forgot about their fears. After all, when the danger was gone and they could relax, both of them realized that the vet looked really intimidating. He was a big man, with thick arms and wide chest. He looked like he could rip apart logs with his bare hands, he had a very serious expression and his forehead was always furrowed except when he was near an animal or his wife. 

_ <<I can’t believe you were afraid of Ichigo>> _ Karamatsu could almost hear Yu’s laughter, even when they were only texting each other.

_ <<Well, can you blame me? He is a giant! I mean, he looks like he was a professional wrestler or something. Like he could tear apart a whole mountain on his own, screaming to the world like an ancient warrior. And he has a lot of tattoos on his arms!>> _

_ <<Of course he is like that, idiot. He spent a lot of years working in construction and he also practiced judo. Whaddya expected? Besides, what’s wrong with tattoos?>> _

_ <<You don’t know what’s wrong with tattoos?>> _

Yu took a while to answer.

_ <<No. I was not born here. My mom was Italian, you see? And we lived with her and her family in a town of Sicilia until I was 12. When she died, our father made us move here to Japan and after a lot of very, veeeeery intensive Japanese lessons, he put me and my brothers in a boarding school>> _

_ <<What? So you are a foreigner? Why have you never told me?!>> _

Karamatsu was writing only with his good arm. He could move the left one but even using only his fingers was really painful, so he tried not to use it unless it was necessary.

_ <<I dunno? O-o It never occurred to me that was important… Besides, i’ve been living here since I was twelve, so…>> _

He had a point there.

_ <<I guess you are right, my friend. Then, you are italian? Ah, the land of wine and pasta! The language of love, a country filled with marvelous art and history. Are things so different from here?>> _

_ <<Totally. First of all, for us tattoos are not bad. I mean, sometimes people try to hide them during an job interview, but that’s only because you need to have a “presence” for some kind of jobs. But here, tattoos are a pretty artistic thing. People have tattoos as a memento, to remember things or people that are gone, to express things. Since I’ve been here, nobody explained to me why tattoos are bad. Even public bathhouses have these anti-tattoo signs>> _

_ <<That’s because only gangsters and Yakuza guys have tattoos. Big tattoos that cover a lot of skin>> _

_ <<So anybody with a tattoo is a bad person? =( That’s bad… Would you think I am bad if I told you I have a tattoo?>> _

_ <<You do?>> _

For a moment, he panicked. Tattos were normally a mark, a bad mark, that let everybody know that you were into a gang or a specific Yakuza. But, Yu was half european and he already told him that, in his country, tattoos were not a bad thing. So Yu having a tattoo… It should not be that weird.

_ <<Yeah>> _

When he read that answer, Karamatsu found himself more curious about what kind of tattoo his friend had, than worried because tattoos were a Yakuza thing.

_ <<It’s tiny, tho. It’s a honorific tattoo, but I got it so it covered a birthmark I had>> _

_ <<What does that mean and why did you cover your mark?>> _

_ <<It is a symbol to honor the people that are gone. . And I covered it because every member of my father’s family has that stupid birthmark. I did not want to see it anymore after what those fuckers did to me>> _

That was something Karamatsu could understand perfectly, especially taking into account that Yu was disowned by his family. In the end, he told him that he actually didn’t mind. Of course Karamatsu confessed that, at first, it scared him a little because he immediately related tattoos with the Yakuza, but in the end he did not really mind if Yu had a tattoo at all. He was still Yu, with or without ink on his skin. And they were friends. He was actually curious about his tattoo, to the point that he asked if he could see it some day.

_ <<Fo’ Sho’! n.o We are pals, of course you can see my tattoo! It’s not really something that big… It’s just like… a medal with a little drawing and a phrase>> _

_ <<I don’t mind that. I want to see it>> _

_ <<Okey dokey! Anyway, how’s your arm? You already had your vaccines, right?>> _

_ <<I still have to keep to that special diet. I’ve never thought that the vaccine for rabies would be so painful. But my war wound is healing properly, even faster than I thought. Of course, the pain is tremendous… But I’ll bear it with pride knowing that I got hurt by protecting my little brother and my new little pet>> _

He was actually proud of it. Even though his arm was a little swollen and the bite marks had pus and were still discharging this horrible liquid, it was still worth it. Ichimatsu and he were able to talk and both of them saved a little life. A few marks on his left forearm meant nothing in comparison.

_ <<Of course u will. You know what? You are my hero, Karamatsu>> _

It was the first time someone told him that since he was in high school. It felt good being somebody’s hero, for a change. Karamatsu could still remember the time when his brothers were good to him, when they paid attention to him and asked for help. He knew that it was bad wanting to be their heroic big bro, the one who always helped them and their knight and protector, especially when they all were already adults. Wanting to be needed was not a good thing… He did not have to see a shrink to know that. He just missed the trust this brothers used to have in him, the companionship.

_ “They don’t love you” _

He just wanted to be by their side, as an equal.

_ “They just have pity for you, stupid painfulmatsu” _

Talk to them, help them, be with them. With anyone.

_ “Who will love you? You are just a mistake. With your forced persona…” _

He just wanted to be loved.

_ “They will ignore you again. As soon as they stop feeling guilty” _

He had to be strong. Things were getting better now, he just had to be patient. Give them some time.

_ “Who are you?” _

Karamatsu’s chest hurt. He felt so empty inside sometimes, with those damned voices creeping up on him, scratching his skin while whispering those things. Breathing was getting harder as he questioned the value his existence had in this world. A world that, even when things were supposedly getting better, was still grey and devoid of color. A world that pressured him to be something different, to follow a determined path without even properly preparing him for such a tremendous ride. 

He had those moments when he almost felt like he wanted to give up and it was getting harder for him to escape the voices. But there was something that never, ever failed.

_ <<I am no one’s hero, dearest Yu. I did nothing>> _

_ <<Don’t say that. Not a lot of people would’ve done what you did so selflessly. You risked your life for somebody else’s. If that does not make you a hero, then nothing will>> _

_ <<You think?>> _

_ <<Yep. Besides, whatever you may think, you are still a hero to me. End of story>> _

The voices screeched, being wiped away by those black letters on the screen. That never failed. The conversation ended up taking another course and Yu was telling him how he met Dr. Ichigo when he was younger.

< _ <He looked even more dangerous then>> _ Yu, said. Everything decorated with fun emojis.

_ <<I can imagine, really. By the way, thank you so very much for telling me about the veterinary. If you hadn’t, that cat would probably be dead>> _

_ <<We were talking about your brother’s army of cats. I thought you would need to know a good vet. You know, one that heals animals because he loves them>> _

After talking for a while about the cat, his wound, the vaccines and Ichimatsu’s reaction when he saw the cat finally walking almost by itself, Yu recommended him a few things for his wounds in case he did not wanted to have very visible marks. After that, his friend had to leave for work. And he… He had to go and see this Dr. Hisoka for the first time.

Karamatsu was not happy with the idea, but he had to.

He took a shower and put on his jeans and hoodie. He checked if he had everything he needed, like money, his cellphone and his ID. Karamatsu left the bedroom and went to the living room, finding Jyuushimatsu, Todomatsu and Osomatsu there.

“Nii-san!”

As always, Jyuushimatsu hugged him. Since he had that attack in front of them, Jyuushi became even more physical than before, like he could see that Karamatsu wanted hugs and attention every now and then.

“Well, aren’t you energetic today, my adorable little brother? What got you in such a good mood?”

“Rabies!“ he said, and Karamatsu’s eyes widened “You can’t have rabies anymore because you took all the injections!”

“Ah, that. Yes, indeed, brother. Now I can get bitten without any worry… Though I really don’t want to be bitten again. Where are the rest?”

Todomatsu, who was playing with his phone, looked at his brother. He was still a little wary since the last fight.

“Ichimatsu went to the vet, so that the doctor could check on the cat. He said he was going to pick a name for it when he came back, but he wanted our help. So bothersome!”  Totty complained, trying to look cute while doing so  “Choromatsu had an interview, he’ll be late.

“Hm, I see”  Karamatsu petted Jyuushimatsu’s head. Osomatsu was still silent, he was the only one who still only talked to him when it was absolutely necessary  “I was going out…”

Jyuushimatsu put his head on Karamatsu’s shoulder.

“Did you have lunch?” 

“I… guess I didn’t”

_ Damn. _ He was forgetting again. Lately, keeping up with food was becoming difficult as he did not feel hungry until it was too late, but other days he could just not stop eating. He also was not feeling good, nervousness for his first session was closing his stomach, and the fact that he could not eat a lot of his favourite foods made it worse. Now Jyuushimatsu and Todomatsu were looking at him all serious.

“That’s not right, Karamatsu nii-san” Totty’s voice sounded almost disappointed, but also worried. Karamatsu felt his heart ache when one of  _ the voices _ started whispering again to him.

_ “Yeah, sure. Now he acts all worried. Remember that time they left for two days and locked you up here, without leaving anything to eat for you?” _

“I…. Forgot…”

“You can’t forget your meals”

_ “They even took your money” _

“I am not hungry, my dear brother”

_ “They never called to see how you were doing” _

“That’s not the point, your body needs it’s fuel as it needs it’s beauty sleep”

_ “They mocked you when they came back. They brought food… And gave it to Ichimatsu’s cats, even when you asked for a little piece” _

“Karamatsu nii-san?”

Karamatsu felt his hands clenching at the same time he was gritting his teeth. He sat down for a bit, hoping that he could concentrate more on ignoring  _ the voice _ and hearing Todomatsu, but it was hard. Really hard. He was getting angry, and sad, and not being able to control that storm inside his head was also making him feel weak and insecure. He knew everything was in his head, at least in part, but he always kept it under control. Why he couldn’t control it anymore?

“Nii-saaaaaaaaan!”

Jyuushimatsu suddenly fell over him, allowing Karamatsu to snap out of it. When he looked down to see his younger brother’s face, he was confronted with Jyuushimatsu’s sweet eyes and smile. He could not help it and smiled back, feeling already better.

“Don’t listen to them, nii-san”

“Eh?”

Jyuushimatsu suddenly got up.

“I’ve got something good, wait here!”

Before Karamatsu could say a word, Jyuushi left at the speed of light. Todomatsu made a weird sound with his mouth, before looking at his older brother right in front of him, waiting for Jyuushimatsu. Osomatsu was acting like the TV was too interesting to pay attention to them… But Totty could only look at Karamatsu. He looked kind of pale and was a little thinner, he hoped it was because of his new, temporary diet. Since the last fight he had been taking a closer look at his brother, and he found out that he was having trouble eating. Sometimes, Karamatsu ate like he could swallow a whole cow all by himself and, other times, he barely took a bite from his plate. There were times when Karamatsu looked too tired, too nervous, and that only changed when one of their brothers talked to him or, of course, he was petting their new handicapped cat.

But there were other moments when Karamatsu’s expression was dark, tense, like he was trying his best to forget something. Or maybe, he was trying not to listen to something? Todomatsu could not tell but, whenever that happened, Karamatsu would begin to move around or try to do something else to disconnect. He would always start playing his guitar or listening music, but when nothing worked he just pulled his phone out and then everything was better.

Todomatsu was curious. Not about his brother getting a girlfriend or anything like that, he only wanted to know what was so good that made him smile like the world just became brighter.

Of course, he also wanted to know what made Ichimatsu change and start talking to Karamatsu. They were not best-buds, but they seemed to be getting along better. Ichimatsu even lowered the quantity of threats to a minimum, which was kind of odd. He wanted to ask his brother about the subject but he did not feel like he had any right to… Well, to anything, really. 

Just at that moment, Jyuushimatsu came back with a giant plate filled with rice, meat and vegetables. It looked like a giant mess, the meat and veggies all mixed together on top of the rice.

“Here! Not fried, no lactose, no chocolate, no fish! That’s what the doctor said, right?”

“Oh, my… Jyuushimatsu, I don’t…”  Karamatsu looked surprised for a moment, and then he was so moved that he almost cried.  “You remembered…”

“Always!”  The younger one said, leaving the food in front of Karamatsu while passing him the chopsticks. Karamatsu grabbed them with trembling hands, unable to say no to his little brother. It was the first time somebody made a meal for him. Even though it looked kind of weird, Karamatsu did not hesitate and took a big bite.

It was surprisingly good.

“It’s… It’s delicious, Jyuushimatsu! I did not know you could cook”

“I can, I don’t do it because the last time mom had to call the firemen”

“Eh…?”

Totty looked at his brothers talking happily, all while Karamatsu was eating his meal with new vigor. He had not seen him eating like that in a few days… Jyuushimatsu surely knew how to improve his brother’s mood.

“Karamatsu nii-san” he said, pretending to be all bored on his phone. He was thinking hard, really hard. He had to find a reason to go out with Karamatsu. He did not know why, but he had to “Today you have an appointment, right? I think mom was talking about it yesterday…”

The fact that he had been spying on his brother and listened to him talking to his new psychologist office on the phone, was a secret that he was going to take to his very own grave.

“Mh?“  Karamatsu had his mouth full of meat and rice. He took a few seconds to chew, swallow and pet Jyuushimatsu’s head again, who was clinging onto his shoulders “Yes… I have to go to see Dr. Hisoka today. My first session”

“It’s in the city center, right? Near the shopping area? “

“Indeed, brother. Why do you ask?”

Now was the perfect chance.

“Well, I have to buy a few things. You know, creams, perfumes, things like that. Maybe some clothes… It’s near where you are going so… We could go together, you know?”

“Oh?”

“It would be easier. We could find some pretty girls on the way and everything!”

Karamatsu seemed confused, and Totty begged in his mind so he would say yes. On the other hand, Karamatsu thought that his brother probably wanted him to carry the bags for him.

“Well, I don’t really mind, my brother. We could use this chance that fate gave us to hang out, maybe find a new apparel for you. Your own ‘perfect fashion’!”

“Y-yeah… Of course…”

_ “Like hell…”  _ He thought, shivering at the idea of getting one of Karamatsu’s perfect fashions for him. But now he had an excuse to go out with him. Totty waited until Karamatsu finished his meal and got ready for his first session, before they could leave. Both of them took the bus… But sadly for Todomatsu, Karamatsu was completely silent, listening to his mp3 player. He never even tried to make one of his painful monologues, he was just there, sitting by his side on the bus, not paying attention to him at all.

_ “Is he still mad at me? Well, of course… After what happened… _

While they were travelling, Todomatsu took that chance to remember. He used to be close to Karamatsu… Not as close as Ichimatsu used to be, but close enough to spend time with him and talk about important things.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_ “You know, Karamatsu nii-san. There’s this girl I like” _

_ “Oh really?”  They both were walking home together, looking at some clothes shops on the way.  _

_ “That’s terrific, Todomatsu! I knew that the tides of love would sweep you up sooner or later” _

_ “Pfft, yeah, yeah… Stop it, now. You’ll make me laugh!”  Karamatsu’s antics were kind of fun, after all. It always made him laugh. _

_ “Do I know the lucky lady?”  His brother asked, moving his bushy eyebrows in a fun way. Todomatsu laughed again, throwing a pillow at him. _

_ “Stop that! You idiot… Well, yes. It’s Ichiko, from your drama club. She’s also on my class, so… We talk every now and then” _

_ “Ichiko…? I… I know there is a girl with that name in the club, but I am having a lot of trouble remembering her features. Would you be so kind as to describe her to me, my dear Todomatsu?” _

_ “Geez… Well, petite, fair skin. Black hair and pixie cut. She always uses this clips in her hair that are in the form of sunflowers…” _

_ “Oh, yes!” he snapped his fingers, suddenly remembering her “I know her! She is going to be our next Sleeping Beauty. She talks to me too, she seems to be very kind and polite. You do like cute faces, brother” _

_ “Well, yeah…“ he scratched the back of his head “I don’t like her only because she is pretty, I like her because she is always so calm and polite. She is so feminine,  cute, like… Like a little doll. I wanna protect her, you see?” _

_ “Of course, brother. A real man always wants to protect his lovely damsel from any danger or evil. Besides, she seems like a good girl. Go for it!” Karamatsu said, giving him the thumbs up “I know you can do it, Todomatsu! She’ll be a lucky lady if you make her your girlfriend, I am sure of it” _

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The center of the city was now pretty close, so Karamatsu got up from his seat ready to get down off the bus at any moment. Todomatsu followed behind him, always looking at his brother’s back while both of them were still silent. After leaving the bus, they walked. It was a beautiful day, so there was a lot of people on the streets: Parents walking their children, couples holding hands, grandparents feeding doves. Todomatsu remembered every time they both walked those streets, buying clothes together, checking stores, looking at the cute girls. 

They even had a shopping spree a few days before that thing with Ichimatsu and the cards game. It all seemed so far away, now.

There was a moment when Karamatsu stopped, his brother doing the same.

“Uh… This is my stop” He said, shyly. Using his head, Karamatsu signaled the building he had to go in to see his doctor. It looked like a normal apartment building, simple and to the point, that both of them had walked in front of it in the past without paying attention to it. “Dr. Hisoka works here”

“Oh… It’s just a normal building” his words provoked a grimace on Karamatsu’s face, so he immediately smiled at him and changed the subject. “Don’t worry! I’ll be around so tell me when you are done. We can go to that coffee shop on the next block and buy a piece of cake. Like when we buy clothes together. So… Text me when you finish your time with the doctor, okay?”

Karamatsu widened his eyes. He never thought his brother would go that far in trying to be nice to him. Normally, when they went to that place to buy clothes, he always seemed bothered by him. Todomatsu invited him but, at the same time, he avoided to be seen together. He even used to get mad when Karamatsu suggested going to the coffee shop, but he ended up going anyway. This was the first time his brother offered him a treat. 

_ “Is he really trying to be nice to me? He doesn’t seem to be acting.” _

“You really want to spend time with me?”

“Yes, nii-san!”

“But you never want to be seen with me at your side…”

His honest words seemed to have some effect on Totty, as he looked like he was slapped across his face. Todomatsu did not know what to say to that honest phrase. Of course he wanted to spend time with his brother, he wanted to make it up to him in some way. Todomatsu wanted his brother to know that, even when he was better than Karamatsu, he never hated him or anything. He was just embarrassing… To the point that people laughed at him. Nobody had the right to laugh at his stupid older brother, except him.

“W-well… That’s because you always use weird clothes and people stare at you! But I don’t mind that, you look fine today. We… Could find more clothes for you, right?”

“I suppose” He remembered a lot of the pictures that Yu sent him, even some of the stores his friend recommended. “There is actually a few stores I would like to see and a few ítems I would like to acquire, if that is okay with you”

“Y-yes! Totally! Ohh, this is going to be awesome! That’s what we both need, a shopping spree! Nothing makes me feel better than a shopping spree”

Karamatsu laughed. Well, it seemed that his brother was trying to do… Something, in his unique style. Maybe he was trying to reach out to him? To tell him something? He had no way of knowing  for now, as Todomatsu’s style and way of acting was kind of weird for him. His younger brother was always so focused on acting, pretending to be somebody else and believing he was better that everybody, that knowing his real nature became difficult with the passage of time.

“I do miss our shopping sprees, brother. Well, I have to go. I’ll call you when I’m ready”

Karamatsu left with a wave of his hand, smiling at his younger brother, who stood there watching Karamatsu’s back until he was inside of the building. Then he turned around and tried to pass the time on his phone or look at the shops. He was trying to remember… Why did he stop being nice to his brother? Was it only because he was embarrasing? Because he was painful? He was already painful in high school, but Todomatsu found that kind of fun at the time. Why was it…?

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_ “I like you! Please, go out with me!” _

_ He and Ichiko had been spending a lot of time together. He was following his older brother’s advice: be himself, be polite, don’t disrespect her and show interest in her hobbies. It all seemed to go well, because they were really close. He walked her to her house, they had lunch together, they called each other almost every day. It had to go well! _

_ But it didn’t. _

_ “I’m sorry, Todomatsu…” _

_ “W-why…? I… I thought… We have a lot of fun together and…” _

_ “Yes, we do! And I love that! It’s just… I don’t see you like that” _

_ Todomatsu was about to cry, but he made a tremendous effort to control himself. _

_ “S-so… Is there anybody else…?” _

_ “What? No! I am just not interested in anybody, not in that way. I’m sorry… We… We don’t have to hang out anymore if you don’t want to” _

_ For a moment, he thought that was for the best. Not seeing each other, making all those bothersome feelings go away. But he really liked her, he would not be able to just stop seeing her. If he could not be her boyfriend then, at least, he could be her friend. Maybe with time she would change her mind and give him a chance. _

_ “No… It’s alright. I still want to be your friend. I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable” _

_ Ichiko looked at him then, she smiled. That big smile that made him go crazy about her. He could not live without her, he was sure. _

_ He was doomed. _

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Karamatsu looked around the waiting room. It looked kind of nice. The walls had a lovely lilac color, decorated with pictures of puppies and kittens doing cute things. There were some flower pots filled with sunflowers, ficus, and a few transparent jars with aquatic plants. The whole place smelled like Ylang-Ylang, which was kind of relaxing… In front of the line of comfy, black seats, there was the receptionist desk. It was covered in files, a phone, a computer, a few pictures and some drawings, behind it there was a very, very large window. It had a nice view of the blue sky, and its white curtains made it look like a window to another world.

When he first entered the room, Karamatsu was a nervous wreck. But the colors and the ambience made him feel at ease. There were other people besides him… A few children, a young girl, two businessmen. They were all reading or talking calmly, like it was just a normal doctor appointment. No, it was better, since waiting for the doctor was always uncomfortable.

It was like it was okay to be there. Like it was not the end of the world.

“Matsuno Karamatsu?”

A feminine voice called to him. Karamatsu snapped out of it, he noticed the receptionist was looking at him with a smile. She was an older woman, probably the same age as his mother, but she looked more classy than her, with that lovely black suit she was wearing. A purple shirt under it, her gray hair completely combed, two earrings, make up… Her fingers moved fast on the keyboard. That lady could have his mother’s age, but she was surely not like his mother.

“Y-yes!”

“Dr. Hisoka is ready to attend to you”

Karamatsu swallowed, feeling utterly nervous. He needed a moment to take a deep breath before going in, but before he could even open the door, somebody else opened it from the inside. He was now in front of a young man in a brown suit, with the jacket open and grey patches on the shoulders. His straight hair was falling on his forehead and the sides of his face. Dr. Hisoka looked kind of young for a professional… Karamatsu was expecting a man in his mid thirties with some gray on his hair, but the man in front of him looked young and lively, he was surely in his twenties… Just like him. The doctor smiled at him as soon as their eyes met, moving to the side so he could go inside the room.

Karamatsu made one step… And everything was different.

Walls in pastel green, a book shelf on the left, a lot of plants in every corner, a comfortable double sofa in front another single sofa, with a coffee table in between. There was a plate with animal cookies and a bowl of butterscotch toffee.

_ This is not what I imagined a psychiatrist office would look. _

“Here, come. Sit down, please. Would you like some toffee? You can grab as many as you want”

He had a nice voice, a little effeminate and delicate, but it sounded good.

“No, thanks…” he sat down, looking at the cookies. That was kind of weird “This… This is a nice office, you have. Very… Green and lively”

“Well, thank you! I want people to feel protected and secure. This has to be their zen place, you see? A place where they can open up. Offices normally look kind of… Dead. I did not want that. Anyway, you are Matsuno Karamatsu, I am right?” He nodded, the man took a little notebook and a pen from his jacket’s pocket “All right. Then, why don’t you talk a little about yourself? No pressure, just tell me whatever comes to your mind”

“W-well… Um… I… a… Anything?”

“Anything, as long as you are comfortable with it”

“Well… I… Like your waiting room?” He immediately felt like a complete idiot, but Dr. Hisoka just smiled.

“Of course you do, everybody likes the waiting room. You, and everybody else, come here to deal with pain… Internal pain. Waiting in a normal, boring room only will make people feel awkward. The more illuminated and natural a room is, the more safe and secure people will feel, don’t you think?”

“That… That actually makes a lot of sense. I was feeling down before I came here. Like… Like this was going to be a horrible experience” Karamatsu confessed, not even knowing he was doing so. Of course, the doctor nodded and started taking notes without him noticing “But as soon as I put a foot in the waiting room I started to feel… Well, calm. Your secretary is lovely too, she reminds me of my mom”

“Maybe because she is  _ my _ mom” the doctor laughed lightly at Karamatsu’s perplexed face “Isn’t she lovely? She has a really great style. I didn’t even know that she knew how to use a computer until she became my secretary. Why does she reminds you of your mom?”

Karamatsu thought about it.

“Well, she seems calm. Like she is always smiling and making people feel good about themselves. I also think she may be the kind of person who does jokes every now and then at the expenses of others, but not with a bad intention. And she looks very motherly. Like my mom… Honestly, I don’t know how she does it every day, how she to stands us. I don’t even know how she did it to raise me and my brothers”

“You have brothers, Karamatsu?”

“Yes, five. We are sextuplets and I am the second son”

“Well, that is indeed impressive. Raising six children at the same time must’ve been exhausting”

Karamatsu nodded, getting comfortable on his sofa. 

“Yeah. We were troublemakers. We still are… But she always smiled at us, even now. She should be mad because we are just parasites, but she still takes care of us. We surely don’t deserve her”

“And why is that, Karamatsu? Why do you think you don’t deserve a good mother like her?”

“Well…” without realizing it, Karamatsu was slowly opening up to the doctor “We are NEETs. We don’t work, and we don’t study. After high school… I don’t know about the others, but I was not able to find something I was good at. I had good grades. Not the best, but good. But… I had no talent. And I was surely not smart enough to go to college… What could I do? Study to become a doctor? A nurse? A teacher? A lawyer? Nothing like that interested me”

“Some people have trouble finding what they want to do, Karamatsu. That’s not a bad thing. But you shouldn’t put yourself down like that… Who told you that?”

“What?”

“That you were not smart enough to go to college?”

Karamatsu felt his heart sink. He had a brief flashback of him checking on a few pamphlets from different colleges. He was interested in something, but he was not able to remember in what. Then, one of his brothers found the pamphlets. They made fun of him. They laughed. Because he was too dumb for college.

“My… My brothers”

“I see…” Dr. Hisoka took the chance to take a few notes “So you  _ did _ wanted to go to college”

“I guess. I can’t remember” He did not want to remember, actually. His brothers telling him he was not good enough… That happened everyday, but thinking that maybe he just gave up on college because of them was too much for him.

Dr. Hisoka squinted his eyes.

“Why would they tell you such a thing? You don’t get along with them?”

“I… I guess I don’t. We used to get along quite well but then, one day, everything changed. My brothers started hating me… I don’t know why but… I thought… That maybe if I was a different person they would like me. But it only made it worse”

“Worse?”

“They… They say mean things. Bah, ‘mean’ does not actually cover even half of it. They ignore me, like I am just a thing in the room. They always complain that I am painful, that nobody will ever like me. Sometimes… They say they wanted to be quintuplets. That I should just go and die” He took a moment, breathing deeply as he clenched his fists over his knees “I’ve endured it for a long time, and never complained. I don’t know why I did that, but now… Now I just can’t. I’ve been having these nightmares and… Well… I just wanted to get away from my brothers… Dear god, what kind of brother I am? Leaving them behind…”

“It’s not bad to try to get away from something that hurts you”

“Y-yeah… But… I can’t get a job so, what’s the point? I tried to change and be a better person, but… They became meaner… My dreams got worse and now I am fucking depressed. Now everybody knows about it”

The doctor was silent for a while, taking notes without breaking eye contact with a very conflicted Karamatsu. Talking about it made him tremble, especially trying to think why he took it for so many years. Why did he stand it? Because he loved his brothers? Because he wanted to be loved? When did all change? Even when his brothers apologised, every time he remembered all those things they did to him, he felt like he was a big fool. An idiot. He wanted to throw away everything and run away.

“Finding a job is not as easy as people make you think it would be. They want young people with a lot of experience but, if you don’t work, where are you going to get that experience? So, don’t feel bad about it. At least, you are trying. But… Is it so bad that they know about your depression? Didn’t that produce any change in them?”

“I… Don’t want to be weak. I want to be strong and cool. I always… “He shut up for a moment, trying to think of what he wanted to say. Expressing his inner thoughts and feelings out loud was even more difficult and painful that just thinking about them. Every word made it more real. “My brothers… I… Really love them. But they never gave any sign that they loved me back. Well, except one of them. Jyuushimatsu… He… He is the fifth son. He was the first one to come to apologize when he realized something was wrong with me. The others… Took their time. Almost all of them apologized, they told me things… What they felt. But… I don’t know. They hurt me so much I can’t just forgive them” Karamatsu sighed, letting himself fall more into the soft sofa, looking at the ceiling. A white ceiling. There were more plants hanging from it. Weird. 

“I told them that this was going to be a process, that with time I would be able to forgive them. I was bluffing. I don’t even know what I feel, myself. I was happy that Todomatsu wanted to join me today, especially when he told me that he would wait for me so we could have a shopping spree together, but…”

“Is Todomatsu one of your brothers? Is he the oldest?”

“No. No, he is the youngest. We used to come here, the two of us, when we were young. He loves clothes and fashion. But then we stopped… We hang out every now and then, but he acts like he does not want to be seen by my side”.

The doctor took notes. Karamatsu then noticed how much he had said in just a few moments, after only a few quick questions. This doctor seemed to be either really good or his theory about a “lively space” helping him to open up was true. He also felt his legs were a little bit shaky for no reason, so he took a cookie. It tasted like ginger and cinnamon and, curiously, it made him feel better.

“So he came with you… It sounds to me that he wants to do something for you. Maybe he wants to apologize and he does not know how? Talk me about him. How is he? Do you remember when did you started to grow apart?”

“Well…”

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_   
  


_ “Todomatsu! Help!” _

_ His friend was screaming. Everything was a freaking mess… They were walking home and, suddenly, a group of thugs surrounded them. He didn’t know where the heck they came from, but they punched the shit out of him, left him on the floor after taking his money and then… They grabbed Ichiko-chan. _

_ “L-leave her…” _

_ He was powerless. Two of them had him in the ground, unable to move. Ichiko was screaming, trying to resist as the other three pushed her against one of the walls of that alley, and tried to take off  her clothes. Ichiko was so scared that she was crying, calling for him. Those assholes laughed, while they ripped her shirt so they could see her bra. One of them tried to touch her under her skirt. _

_ “S-stop….” _

_ “Todomatsu!” _

_ He could do nothing. The girl he liked was being molested and he could do nothing. They were going to rape her right in front of him while laughing, and he was on the ground, unable to move. They laughed, they told him he should try and become a real man if he wanted to save her. _

_ “Todomatsu!!” _

_ Then it happened. A dash of black and blue appeared and one of the thugs received a direct hit on his jaw, falling face first onto the ground. Then a kick, and the other one fell. Ichiko fell to the ground, shaking, trying to cover herself. The two guys holding Todomatsu down got up, ready to fight the new intruder.  _

_ “Who the fuck are you?!” _

_ “The guy who is going to kick your ass” _

_ Todomatsu could not believe it. His older brother was there, fist fighting with those fellas, using his body as a shield to protect him and Ichiko. He ran to his friend, taking away his uniform jacket to cover her while he helped her to get up. Karamatsu looked so cool. He was stronger than he seemed to be… It was obvious why he was Osomatsu’s second in command. _

_ ”If you ever touch my little brother or his friend again I’ll blow your head off!! On your knees!! Apologize to the young lady!!” _

_ The guys were crushed. Literally. On their knees, heads swollen and bleeding. Two of them were still unconscious. It was fun watching them apologize one after another, while Karamatsu screamed at them. _

_ “Come on, apologize again, you pigs!” _

_ After that, both of them walked Ichiko home. She never stopped crying. Karamatsu tried to calm her down, telling her that she was safe now. They could go to the cops if she wanted to press charges or they could take her home if she did not feel like it. He sounded nice, always compassionate, understanding, but Todomatsu kept silent the whole time watching how Ichiko held onto his older brother. In the end, both of them ended up dropping her off at her home and then made a silent walk to their own house. _

_ “I am glad you are safe, Todomatsu” _

_ “Yeah… Thanks for saving her. I… I could not…” _

_ “Hush now, you don’t have to thank me. You did your best and I did what any real man would’ve done. Come. We have to tell our parents and put something cold on your cheek” _

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 

Todomatsu groaned. Time was slower than he thought it would be. Not even going into every shop and looking for cute girls in Instagram helped, so he was now just walking around. He used to go to this same block with his brother when they were younger and together they tried on a lot of different clothing… He even remembered the two of them trying on leather jackets and hats, laughing like there was no tomorrow. Why did everything fall apart? Besides Karamatsu’s embarrassing ways and the obvious fact that Totty was the best out of their trashy family.

He was the best, he wanted everybody to acknowledge that. He always would be the best, after all, he had a job even if it was a part time job. He could talk to girls. He had an amazing fashion sense. So, he had to be the best out of them.

Right?

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 

_ “She confessed to you!?” _

_ Todomatsu was speechless. There he was, his older brother telling him that Ichiko just confessed her feelings for him. Him. Karamatsu. Out of all his brothers, he never would have thought that he would be the first to betray him. His dreamed girl, falling over heels over a painful guy that used weird words and spoke in English every chance he had. Yes, he was very supportive after the attack. Todomatsu tried to do the same, but he could never overcome the fact that he was not the one who saved her. So, whenever she was feeling down, Karamatsu  was there, listening to her, holding her. He even convinced her to talk to the police about it or, at least, her family. Karamatsu was the one who saved her but, still. What did his brother have that he did not posses? _

_ “Yes. It was a very… Delicate situation, you see? I wanted to tell you because I know you like her and I don’t want you to find out from someone else. Nor to think ill of her. Or me.” _

_ “Then… “ Todomatsu was defeated. Defeated by his own brother. How did this happened? “Then you are a couple now” _

_ Karamatsu seemed disgusted only by the idea and made a strange expression, like he was smelling something putrid. _

_ “No! Wha… Brother, I rejected her. How could I accept her feelings? I did not reciprocated them.” _

_ “What? B-but… Why?! She is so pretty, how could you possibly reject her?!” _

_ “It does not matter that she is pretty. I don’t like her that way. Besides, even if I did, accepting her would have been wrong” _

_ Karamatsu was looking at him like he was the one in the wrong, like he could not understand Todomatsu’s questions. But Karamatsu was wrong, or at least Todomatsu thought that. He was an idiot for rejecting a perfect girl. _

_ “What the hell are you saying? Are you stupid?! She confessed to you! You should’ve said yes!” _

_ “Todomatsu!” Karamatsu looked like he was getting angry at him, but he could not stop himself. He was right, his brother wasn’t “How can you say that? Ichiko is your friend! She’s been through a lot! She’s not really in love with me, she’s just… She feels weak and vulnerable, like a damsel in distress suddenly saved from a great evil by a shining knight. She is not being herself… Ichiko needs help, not a random guy taking advantage of her vulnerability. Accepting her without loving her and using her fears to my advantage… That is not what a real man should do” _

_ “A real man would try to get laid!!” _

_ Then it happened. His brother made an angry expression, angrier than he ever remembered seeing before. Todomatsu was not able to apologise at that moment, as his brother slapped him so hard that he ended up lying on the floor. He looked at his older brother, who looked like a tower of anger and disappointment from where he was. _

_ “You were raised better than that, Todomatsu” _

Suddenly, he remembered. That was the reason he stopped talking to Karamatsu, why he started to pick fights with him. And when did he stop picking fights with his older brother? 

When he saved his sorry ass from a fight. Three guys came at him, Todomatsu could not remember why they wanted to punch him, but he was alone with Jyuushimatsu… And both of them ended up completely screwed. It was Karamatsu, the one he hated the most, who came to his aid in that time of need.

The sudden memory made him fall onto the table of the cute coffee shop he was sitting at, his coffee already cold. He felt like complete trash.

Maybe he was not the best, after all.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“So… You slapped him”

“Yes…”

Karamatsu swallowed. He took his time remembering that fight with his brother, how the two of them ended up having a big discussion about something so… Well, he did not know how to classify why they fought for. Karamatsu still believed that he was right in rejecting a poor girl who had been through a traumatic experience like an attempted rape. She needed help at that time, understanding, not being used. Karamatsu looked at the coffee table. The cookie plate was empty and Hisoka even made tea for him.

“How did that make you feel?”

“Well, terrible. I regretted it almost immediately, but… His words made me angry. I never thought he could think of me that way. No” Karamatsu interrupted himself  “It was not about me. I thought that If I did not stop Todomatsu’s way of thinking… He would end up doing something bad”

“Like taking advantage of a vulnerable girl?”

“Yes. He is better than that, we all are better than that. I know my brothers are all obsessed with having… Intercourse. But that’s not what’s important, right? I mean, not to the point where you act like an idiot. I wanted him to see that he was better than that, and that his perfect companion will come some day… That he does not need to get laid to prove himself”

Doctor Hisoka took some notes, closed his notebook and then he seemed to think for a minute, drinking his own cup of tea.

“You did the right thing” He said, after a minute or two “You are right. Both of you are better than that and sex is not the most important thing in the universe. Your brother does not need to prove anything, especially not with sex. And, most importantly… You were right about that girl. Take it as a professional opinion, after what happened to her… You made the right choice. And not a lot of people would do that”

“You… Think so, Doctor?”

“I am sure of it. I have had enough patients that have been in a situation like that poor girl, to be totally and completely sure about it. Whatever your brothers or anybody may say of you… You were the better man that day. You probably changed that girl’s life, helping her like that. Do you know how many women end up in violent or complicated relationships after an attempted rape? It’s traumatic. They need a closure, a protector. Not only women, anybody in such a situation is prone to do things that they later regret”

Karamatsu took a moment to think about it again, remembering Ichiko’s face when she confessed. She did not look like someone who was in love, nor did she look like she really fancied him. She looked empty, desperate. Like a castaway at sea, clinging to a piece of wood to keep themselves from drowning. Yes, that was not the kind of expression he wanted to see in anyone's face.

“Yes, I thought the same. I did not want her to regret it later”

“I am sure of that. Now… As it seems our time is almost over, I have a few ideas we could try” the doctor said, settling on the sofa. 

“Now, whenever you feel bad because someone is telling you anything mean, you’ll think this: ‘I am the better man’. You understand? Think again on this girl, Ichiko, and the decision you made. Whenever you think you can’t do something, you’ll repeat to yourself: ‘I believe in myself. I think I can’”

“I… think I can” Goodness, he felt stupid only by saying it.

“I know, it sounds stupid” Karamatsu jumped a little bit. For a moment he thought the doctor was reading his mind “But, believe me, it will help you. Whenever you see your reflection in the mirror, whenever you feel bad. Just repeat those words and try to remember you qualities. You have a lot of good things about you, Karamatsu. And sometimes, people try to make you forget about them. So, in order to not forget, you’ll make a list of them and repeat it” Karamatsu nodded. He could not understand the meaning or the usefulness of said exercise, but Hisoka was the professional, so he decided to follow his instructions “Good. Next time, we will talk more about your dreams. For now, before you go to sleep you will do this…”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Todomatsu’s phone rang, and he practically fought with his pocket so that he could take it out. There was a message from Karamatsu.

_ <<My brother, it seems that I have already finished my business here. Is your offer of shopping and coffee still available? I would love to hang out right now>> _

_ <<Yes!>> _  Todomatsu answered almost immediately, his fingers moving at the speed of light over his keyboard  _ <<Yes, it is. I’ll go to pick you up, just wait there>> _

Totty paid for his coffee and ran like hell, only to stop a half a block away to rearrange his clothes, so he would look like he just took a stroll instead of running like he was being chased by Ichimatsu’s army of cats. He waved at his brother, who was waiting against the wall of the building, a cigarette on his mouth while looking at the infinite with a thoughtful expression. Todomatsu almost choked on his own spit when he noticed a group of girls glancing at his brother… That was kind of normal, but the weird thing was that instead of making fun of him, they were actually checking him out. And he was completely oblivious!

“Karamatsu nii-saaaaan!” he called out, running in a cutesy way to him. His brother turned, exhaled some smoke and then he threw his cigarette to the floor, stepping on it. The girls squealed “Did you waited for too long, nii-san?”

“Fear not, my dear brother. I did not wait at all. Shall we go now? If I am not mistaken someone offered me a piece of cake and a shopping spree”

“Yes, of course. There are so many amazing coats I saw for you! I actually took some time to look a few things for you… Like some denim jeans and some shirts. I am sure they would look nice on you” He said, and glanced at his brother, trying to figure out what those girls found attractive about him and, of course, he noticed. 

“Wow… I did not realize before but… You are different “ Karamatsu arched one of his bushy brows while both of them started to walk towards the shopping center. “I mean, that you’ve been training and… It shows. I mean, you are getting kind of… Well….”

Karamatsu laughed, looking at his brother all flustered trying to find a way to make a compliment.

“Oh my, brother! I did not know you had such good taste. Are you enjoying the view?”

“Oh god, no… Now you had to make it weird”

“Wait, give me a moment, I’ll flex for you” And he did, he flexed for him and Todomatsu wished he was dead.

“Aaah, don’t do that! We are in public! Ugh, why do you always…?” He was interrupted by Karamatsu’s laugh and, even when he was pouting, he could not stop himself from laughing too. A part of him still wanted to kill him for what he said but, well, at least his brother was happier than before “Hey, how did it go with your therapy? Is he a good doctor?”

“Oh, it was awesome. I mean, no, it was… Well, I can’t even explain how it was because it was totally weird. I was in a room filled with plants, using a soft couch, eating animal cookies and toffee, all while drinking tea in adorable little cups. I felt like I was inside of ‘Alice in Wonderland’” Karamatsu was silent a few seconds, stopping in front of a shop’s display to look at some clothes. There were a nice pair of jeans there “But Dr. Hisoka is really good. He makes you talk about things that shake you but it’s… Like you don’t even know what you are doing until he asks the right questions. He lets you talk. I like him. Do you think those jeans would look good on me, brother?”

“Well, I am glad that you feel good about your therapist. I’ve been reading… I asked in a few forums on the internet about what you have, so I can understand it better. They said that sometimes it takes time to find a good doctor, so it’s a relief that you like this one. And no” He took his brother by his shoulder, using his other hand to signal to other jeans, not the ones Karamatsu was looking at “Those won't do! They are too shiny and old fashioned! You should buy these instead. They are tight and modern. And look, that one has a dragon on it”

“Tight jeans? Are you sure?” Todomatsu scoffed at his brother “What?”

“Have you seen yourself? You just worked out for a few weeks and you already have those” He made a gesture over Karamatsu’s legs, that were now very nicely shaped, his thighs were thick from all that running. It was no surprise that the girls were looking at him “Have you seen yourself in the mirror? Look at your butt! You have to show it to the world and you’ll only manage that with tight jeans”

Now Karamatsu was totally flustered. He did not believed that his legs were… Well, whatever his brother said they were. He became as red as a tomato, looking at his sides because people were staring at them and laughing a little.

“Tottyyyyyy!”

“I’m serious here! Look, women concentrate in three things: Arms, chest and ass. And you have a nicely shaped body, thanks to all that training. So you have to show off! You’ll get a girlfriend in no time”

There was no way to change his younger brother’s opinion, so Karamatsu found himself being dragged from store to store, trying on some new clothing and buying a few, as he actually needed them. Before he knew what was happening, he was walking down the street completely worn out and carrying so many bags he could barely hold them in his hands. Todomatsu was talking about the things they bought, how fashionable and interchangable they were, so Karamatsu would have no problem in using a different style every day.

“Seriously, sequins are so last season. Anyway, Karamatsu nii-san, aren’t you hungry? Let’s eat something, my treat”

“Are you sure, Totty? We’ve spent a lot of money today…”

“Nonsense. Come, I said it’s on me”

Todomatsu grabbed his older brother by his shoulder, dragging him to a coffee shop. Karamatsu recognized the place immediately, as it was the place they used to go when they were in high school. Totty opened the front door, going straight to the first table he saw not letting go from his brother. He even arranged the bags and everything so both of them could sit comfortable in one of the tables that was against the wall. One of the waitresses went to them, smiling while she greeted them and gave them the menus.

“Thank you, missy” Todomatsu winked at her, always being cute and adorable, the girl left giggling while Karamatsu made an effort not to grunt. He could never understand why his brother acted like that all the time only to get girls but, he also had a “false persona”, so he figured he did not have the right to say anything.

“Totty, this place is… We used to come here all the time” he grabbed his menu, smiling. Not even the menu changed, everything was still the same “This feels like the old days. I missed it”

“Yeah… I thought we could come here and spend some quality time together. Like before”

He could not help but smile. Karamatsu took his time to look at the menu so, when the waitress came back, he already knew what to order. Todomatsu asked for a parfait and Karamatsu asked for some black coffee and a piece of cheesecake.

“Thanks, Totty. I had fun today… It was nice spending time with you for a change”

“Indeed. This was nice. Besides, you needed new clothes. Almost all you have look odd on you now that you worked out so much. If you keep it up, you’ll need to buy new things every month”

“I’ll try not to get to that point. I don’t want to be as ripped as Jyuushimatsu” 

They both laughed, not knowing exactly why. The young waitress came with their orders, both of them letting out a sigh of pleasure when they tried their sweets. The parfait was sweet and a little acidic, chocolate and cream mixing pretty well with pieces of orange and strawberry. And the cheesecake, Karamatsu melted while eating it.  It was like he had a party in his tastebuds, sweetness and creaminess making him feel suddenly so alive. The world was still a little grey… But at least, now it tasted like vanilla and sweet.

Todomatsu tried to concentrate on something else besides his delicious parfait and decided to talk about what he really wanted to talk.

“So...” he took a piece of blueberry and ate it “Do you remember when we used to come here everyday?”

“Of course I do, brother. Those incredible afternoons spending our precious youth on these very streets, splurging vitality as we passed the time in comic book stores and clothes shops. I still remember when you bought your first fedora. Such a happy day!”

“Yeeeah… God, stop talking like that!” he needed a moment to not snap because of Karamatsu’s painfulness, but luckily his older brother seemed more amused than mad at his reaction “Y-yes, we used to do that. Sometimes, Ichiko came with us. Do you remember her?”

_ I was talking about her to my therapist today, _ he thought.

“Well, of course I remember her. She was such a nice girl… But, what does that have to do with what we were talking about?”

“The thing is… You remember how she moved away, right?” Karamatsu nodded “Before she left, she told me a few things. She gave me a letter for you, but I never gave it to you. I know, I know!”  Todomatsu immediately exclaimed, trying to defend himself when he saw Karamatsu’s face change “I was a stupid brat, all right? I never read it either, I still have it… I found it a few days ago in one of my old bags. Anyway! When she moved out, she told me a few things”

“Like what, Totty?”

“She told me that you were right” Todomatsu answered, plain and simple. He inhaled, holding his parfait with both hands while looking at it, unable to face his brother “She told me that you were right when you rejected her. She ended up doing therapy and she realized she was just… Not herself when she asked you out. Ichiko told me she was happy that she confessed to you, because you were a good man and did not take advantage of her. She told me this a week after we fought… you… Remember that, don’t you?”

Karamatsu was speechless. He could not believe that she actually said that about him and, to make it worse, he could not believe that his brother was confessing this now. Why now? Why not before? He did not know how to feel about this confession but for some reason Karamatsu ended up remembering what his doctor told him. He was the better man. He had a lot of qualities he was unable to see because all those years of bullying, he just had to relearn how to see them.

But the question was… Could he relearn that?

“Yes. I slapped you. I never told you, but I regretted it immediately. I shouldn’t have…”

“No” Todomatsu stopped him in a second “You did right. You were right. I said those terrible things when Ichiko was coping with… What happened in that alley. I was mad and snapped at you because I couldn’t protect her and then… She started to like you. It is hard to explain” Todomatsu said, eating more of his parfait as a means to give himself more courage “But I was a stupid brat at the time. Not only that, even when I started to pick fights with you for almost everything you defended me in a fight”

“I did?”

“You did! You don’t remember?” Karamatsu shook his head and drank some coffee “I was cornered. Because of me, Jyuushimatsu was hurt. And you suddenly came and saved the day. Like when Ichiko and I was attacked. I always knew it was wrong… What we did to you. But… Those three times you made me realize something and I could not bear, so I dealt with the frustration by hurting you. And… I know you can’t forgive me now, but I am really sorry.”

Karamatsu became silent. It was more or less what Yu had told him that time, when he spent a few hours talking with his friend about his loveless brothers that always ignored him. Yu told him that they were probable venting out their frustrations on him. Karamatsu could not believe it was actually true, because he was not able to understand what kind of frustration his younger brother could have. He was the one with a job, he always dated girls. Todomatsu probably was going to be the first of them to get a girlfriend. What kind of frustration could he have?

“I… Don’t get it. Frustrations? You? You go on dates almost every day, you work at Sutaaba. You meet new people. What frustrations are you talking about?”

“Well… Ichiko confessed to you because she was feeling bad, didn’t she? And you rejected her because it was the right thing to do. I wouldn’t have done that. I… I am sure that if she had confessed to me at that time, I would’ve said yes.  I was supposed to be the best of the sextuplets. I want to be the best. I am pretty sure that I am the best!” Todomatsu exclaimed, all high and mighty, before calming down and finish his parfait with a sad expression “But you were better than me. Just thinking that you are a better man than me makes me nuts! I couldn’t handle it! So… I acted like an ass”

“Oh… “

“Yeah. I’m sorry. We went to far… And you did it again. You handled it on your own without complaining until it was too much. If it happened to me I would’ve made our brothers lives miserable and punched them until they lost consciousness. But you never even thought about doing something remotely like that, so… You are still better than me”

“Todomatsu, I’ve never thought that I was better than any of you. I just wanted you to be a good person, it was my duty as your elder brother to correct you…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know” he waved his hand, dismissing everything Karamatsu said “The thing is that I, Todomatsu, am recognizing that you are a better person than me, but only that! Don’t start thinking that you are so great, okay? I still beat you in every other way and that’s it”

Then, still pretending to be all worked up and dignified, Todomatsu kept eating his dessert. Karamatsu realized that his brother just apologized to him in his own, weird way. He was not getting more than that, so Karamatsu took it. After all, Todomatsu giving sincere compliments… That was indeed an unique event.

“Thanks, Todomatsu”

They both had their dessert in silence, Totty looking at his phone and Karamatsu checking his own phone every now and then. He was sending pictures of his new clothes to Yu, who was answering with cute smileys. Todomatsu noticed it, of course, but he kept silent for a while. A while that lasted until they were both walking home from the bus stop.

“Hey, Karamatsu nii-san” Totty tried to look completely innocent, he even offered himself to carry some of Karamatsu’s bags so he could walk without trouble.

“Yes, my dear brother? How can I assist you in this fine after…”

“You have a secret friend, don’t you?”

For a moment, Karamatsu’s brain imploded. He did not know how to answer a rushed question like that and even if he was good at acting, everybody knew that he confessed everything when he was under pressure. He tried to play it cool, though.

“Heh, what are you talking about, Todomatsu?”

“You look at your phone too much”

“I am just contemplating my own visage on it’s reflection, as I do every single…”

Todomatsu stopped walking right in front of him.

“Cut the crap, I know you are lying. I saw the conversations and I’ve been watching you. Don’t look at me like that! I was worried that you might be into something dangerous!” Todomatsu defended himself, looking straight at Karamatsu’s eyes in a defiance “C’mon, spill the truth. Look, I promise I won’t say a thing to our brothers, but I want to make sure you are not into any weird thing. You know I told you that I investigated on the internet, right? Well… There are a lot of suicide forums out there… And… Well…”

Deeply touched by his brother’s concern, Karamatsu had to fight back his own tears.

“T-totty… I didn’t know you worried about me that much! I’ll… Well… I do have a friend. But it’s nothing weird, I promise!”

“I KNEW IT!!” Todomatsu yelled, raising his two arms to the sky like he just won the lottery. But he immediately came back to his cutesy act “Tehehe! I mean... So, it’s nothing weird. That’s good. So… Who is it? Do I know them? Is it a giiiiiirl?”

“No, nothing weird or bad. We just… Started talking by accident, really. I don’t think anyone around here knows him. He lives at the other side of the town, in the design district”

“Oh, that part that’s filled with fabric stores, clothes shop, art shops and has that really weird school with strange students?” Karamatsu nodded “Wow. Well, tell me more! How did you meet?”

Karamatsu started talking about Yu. He explained to his brother how they met by accident after the card game incident, the things they used to chat about, about how Yu helped him to overcome his feelings. Of course, Karamatsu avoided talking about Yu’s personal stuff, because he considered that kind of rude, but he did show his brother a few of their chat conversations and the pictures Yu sent to him.

“Hum…” Todomatsu was humming, they were just a block away from their home “He does seem like a nice person but… When are you going to meet him? You can be anybody on the internet or phone. You need to meet him in person and see if he is as good as he seems to be. What if he is just pulling your leg?”

“I… Never thought about it”

“You should! And, even if he is who he says he is… Then you should meet and hang out. I am surprised you haven’t tried to meet him yet”

Karamatsu’s lack of response made Totty turn around. They were already at their house and, If he just opened the door, Todomatsu could go in and leave Karamatsu behind like he has always done. But he was trying to be a nice brother for a change and there was something in Karamatsu’s expression that made him worry.

“Karamatsu nii-san… What is it?”

“I… Want to meet him. I really want to meet my friend. I want to hang out and have someone to talk to, face to face. But… I am scared” Karamatsu closed his eyes for a second, waiting for his brother’s laughter. He never heard the sound, he just felt something over his shoulders. When Karamatsu opened his eyes, he just saw his brother smiling face as he patted him on his shoulders.

“Scared? You? C’mon, aren’t you a cool guy? Why would you be scared?”

“W-what if… What if he thinks I’m painful and does not want to see me again?”

Karamatsu’s trembling shy voice made Totty flinch. He never imagined that Karamatsu could behave like that… Was he always like this and he just pretended to be tough, or did he just become this shy because of their bullying? He did not had the courage to ask but there was one thing he could do for his brother.

“What? C’mon! He said he loved your perfect fashion, right? If your clothes didn’t scared him away, nothing will!”

He patted him on the back two times, then went into the house. Karamatsu just stood there for a moment before taking a deep breath, grabbed his phone and started to type.

_ <<Hey Yu! You told me that you were going to have a free weekend. You know, because you have no tests anymore?>> _

_ <<That’s right, dude! No more tests and lots of free time! Why?>> _

_ <<Would you like to meet, like, hang out?>> _

_ <<Really? Sure! I want to tell you a few things. Nothing bad, dun worry, I just like to talk face to face better>> _

_ <<Good then! I also have a few songs I want you to hear!>> _

_ <<BTW, how we will recognize each other?>> _

Karamatsu thought about it.

_ <<What about a symbol? Like… I’ll wear a pair of jeans with a dragon on them>> _

_ <<A dragon? Really? What about sequins? Buuhu… =( Alright, I’ll wear a White beret with black diamonds and an old bag with this symbol>> _

The text had a picture attached, with a symbol he had never seen before. It looked like a feminine symbol, but it had one curved line first and then, a little lower, a straight line that passed over it to make it look like a cross. The extremes of the cross had circles, like little balls. He saved the image and used the internet on his phone to make a reverse search to find out what the heck that it was… It turned out to be the symbol of a chemical element called Antimony, which had it’s own meaning and was related to alchemy.

Curious.

_ <<That looks nice. Right, I can’t confuse you with another person if you use that. Then… Next Saturday at the park? I mean, the central park, the one with the lakes and bridges>> _

_ <<The one that has that statue in honor to Professor Denkapan?>> _

_ <<That one! We can see each other near the statue, so nobody gets lost. How about… One PM?>> _

_ <<Sounds good to me. Wear comfortable shoes, Karaboy. I’ll make you walk ;P >> _

_ <<I don’t mind that. See you on Saturday>> _

_ <<See you on Saturday>> _

As soon as the text exchange ended, Karamatsu jumped as high as he could and screamed out in joy. He was finally going to meet with Yu! He was so hyped that he walked aimlessly inside the house, going straight to their room  to  put his new clothes in his part of the wardrobe. 

Unknown to him, Todomatsu was in the living room with the rest of his brothers, sending texts in a group chat in which Karamatsu was not allowed. It was a group they made without him a few months before all the depression problems, but now it could be used for something good.

He was texting so fast he was losing his fingertips.

_ <<Listen up, assholes. This is going to be quick. Be silent, don’t say a word. Act like you don’t know anything>> _

_ <<Damn>> _ that was Osomatsu, writing in silence as they all pretended to watch television, while Ichimatsu’s new cat was acting as a lookout. Karamatsu did not have to know about this meeting and the cat was going to warn them whenever he was close to the living room.

_ <<It sounds serious. Did he have another attack?>> _

_ <<No. But I know something you don’t know and we have to make sure it's not going to bite him in the ass>> _

Ichimatsu groaned and practically smashed his cell phone keyboard.

_ <<Then spit it out. We still have to choose a name for the cat, so make it quick>> _

_ <<Alright then…>> _

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand I am still on exams! Also, my lovely beta reader is travelling for now, so this chapter probably has a few mistakes. Maybe a lot. Probably a lot ._. I hope you were able to enjoy it nevertheless, as I didn't wanted to leave you hangin'
> 
> As I said before, with my exams and my beta reader gone, I won't be able to upload as fast as I used to. But don't worry, we'll be back soon!
> 
> Any suggestions, theories, comments, ideas, corrections or whatever you want to send, are encouraged and welcomed!
> 
> 'Til next chapter! You know who will make his first appearance in the next chapter ;)
> 
> Edit: Now my beta is back and we have a re written version of this chapter. Yay x3


	7. The bridge

Karamatsu looked at his arm. He had already finished his bottle  of antibiotics and the doctor told him he was going to be just fine. He could eat normally and his arm did not hurt as much as it used to, but he had to keep cleaning the wounds until they were completely closed. According to the doctor, he had progressed a lot in just a few days and, If he kept it up, he would be completely healed within a week. After all, those kinds of wounds didn’t last too long as long as  they are treated properly, unless the dog takes a chunk of meat of whatever it is biting. It was only a deep wound, but nothing else.

So, now he could do whatever he wanted, he just had to be careful so that he would not end up with scars. Eating properly, cleaning the wound and taking his meds on time did marvels to his arm. And his sessions with Dr. Hisoka did wonders to his mood, though he was still unable to sleep properly every now and then.

But now, he had another situation he had to take care off. Something so terrible he could barely breathe. So serious, that he was about to faint.

_“What can I wear this weekend?”_

His date with Yu was the next day. It was the first time they would see each other and he was a nervous wreck, a giant wreck of nervousness. So nervous that his nervousness was nervous. He was there, looking at all his clothes spread on the couch, the floor, the futon, trying to figure out what to wear.  Karamatsu was seriously wondering if that’s what girls in comedies feel when they lie on the ground, surrounded by a bunch of clothes while screaming _‘I have nothing to wear!!!’._

“What do I…? Damn… I can’t just use my perfect fashion in the first meeting!”

He heard someone laugh and when he turned, he saw Choromatsu and Todomatsu standing at the door frame.

“What’s the problem, Karamatsu?” Choromatsu asked, walking to him while trying to avoid stepping on anything “Having trouble with your clothes? Please tell me Ichimatsu didn’t put itching powder on them again”

“Not at all. He did tried to burn all of my perfect fashion, but I hid them well” Todomatsu scoffed “I have to choose an outfit for the weekend, but I don’t know which one is best”

“An outfit? What for?”

The question caught him by surprise. Karamatsu became to feel nervous again, but for a different reason. He did not want them to know about his friend, not yet. If anything went wrong, they would surely make fun of him until the end of time and he did not want that. But if everything went well and they knew… He was sure that his brothers would try to do something. He did not know if they would try something good or something bad, as things were improving between him and his brothers.

But he did not wanted to find out for now. So he had to think of an excuse.

“I… I want to go and find some Karamatsu Girls!” he said, making one of his cool poses “ but I’ve been thinking that my cool clothings may scare the cute little ladies, as I look too cool and intimidating. So, I wanted to tone it down a little”

“Karamatsu nii-san, you are hurting me” Todomatsu said, making a weird face while looking at the clothes “Well, this is something I can help you with. I am pretty sure that we bought a few normal things for you to use the other day”

Choromatsu was also looking at the clothes, lifting them to inspect each one. Some of them were too dashing but there were a few things that were actually normal.

“Well, I am not good in this kind of stuff anyway. Karamatsu, you’ll be fine in Todomatsu’s hands. You should let him help you”

Karamatsu nodded. In front of him, right on the sofa, were his new blue jeans with a dragon embedded on them. Those were the ones he bought with Todomatsu during their shopping spree. Todomatsu was now checking everything and throwing away everything he considered too painful.

“You want to use those jeans, right?” Todomatsu asked, lifting a normal shirt with no patterns. He  put it right on top of the dragon jeans “Well, they do look good on you. Let´s see… You do know that tomorrow will be kind of cold, according to the weather forecast, right?”

“Errrrr… I… Guess?” He had no idea whatsoever.

“Geez, you are hopeless nii-san, here!” Todomatsu threw a blue sweater at him with a turtleneck. It was simple, but it’s electric blue actually made it stand out. Karamatsu kind of liked it, even it did not had sequins or glitter on it. But he did not wanted to scare Yu away during their first meeting.

So he was going to try and be normal.

Karamatsu folded the sweater, putting it on top of the jeans. He asked his brother if he should use his bright shoes, but Totty almost threw them through the window, so he ended up saving his favourite shoes in a box at the end of the wardrobe. He would have to find a better place for them if he wanted them to be safe from his younger brother’s claws.

“Here!” Totty was having fun, choosing a new apparel for his older brother. Everything that was rejected was in a big pile with a sign on it that said ‘TO BURN IN THE FLAMES OF HELL’, but Karamatsu always ended up saving those sorry excuses of clothes and would put them in his wardrobe again.  “This coat will combine with everything. Brown looks good on you!”

“Are you sure, brother? I don’t want to look like… A buffoon”

“You will never look like that if I am helping you” Todomatsu hushed him, leaving the coat on top of the chosen outfit “This and your normal shoes will do. Why don’t you try it on? You’ll look great, I promise!”

Actually unsure, Karamatsu grabbed everything and closed himself in the bathroom to change. He was feeling kind of odd. He wanted to be himself, to use leather, shiny stuff, his sunglasses. But he was too scared to use them. What if he lost his only friend? Who would listen to his songs and talk to him? His family? Karamatsu found himself breathing heavily while he changed and he needed a moment to calm down, grabbing to the sides of the sink. He had to calm down. Yu told him thousands of times he loved his style. Yu was different, he was not like his brothers.

“I am a good guy. I am strong. I can do it” he said to himself, looking at his sweaty, pale face reflecting on the mirror “I think I can. I think I can. I think _I can_ …”

He was doing what his therapist told him to do when he was feeling on edge. Look at his reflection and repeat those phrases, repeat it until it made them feel better. Sometimes it did help, but on times like this, it was not enough. But maybe they did help, as when he finished repeating the same sentence for the twentieth time, he was already calm. Karamatsu rearranged his clothes and got out of the bathroom.

“Does it look good?” he asked, showing off to his brothers. He even turned around so they could see him from every angle and then he stood there, waiting for an answer. But his brothers were there, looking at him, faces completely blank for a moment. He was starting to worry, when Todomatsu fell on his knees.

“My creation looks astonishing! Thank you God, as it was your doing that we could be here on this fateful day to gaze at this marvelous sight!”

Karamatsu felt the urge to kill his youngest brother, but Choromatsu grabbed Totty’s cell phone and started to take pics in almost every angle, like he was some kind of idol. Now he wanted to kill both of his brothers, but only for a second.

“Todomatsu, you are doing a monologue. And crying. Choromatsu, brother, even though I appreciate your attention, I feel uneasy when you take pictures of me like I am one of your idols”

“But you look good! And you are dressed normally!” Choromatsu said, taking more pictures while Totty was lighting candles on an altar he made in the blink of an eye “I think you will catch some Karamatsu Girls this weekend if you go out like this”

“You do?”

Choromatsu stopped everything. He even left Totty’s phone on the couch and went closer to his brother.

“You… How long has it been since you’ve looked at yourself in the mirror?”

Karamatsu couldn’t answer. Since the dreams became worse, he was unable to see his own face for too long and only did it every morning to repeat the exercises , or when he was feeling down. He avoided the mirror like it could give him a plague, because it reminded him of this other Karamatsu inside his head, wanting to take his place. The one who had a discordant voice and tried to tear apart all of his roses.

Just thinking about it made him shiver.

At the lack of response, Choromatsu sighed. He did not ask, because he had the feeling that Karamatsu’s unwillingness to see himself in the mirror had something to do with his dreams but, either way, Choromatsu grabbed his hand and dragged him to the full body mirror so he could see his new style. Of course, he never let go, so Karamatsu could feel safe while doing so.

“Look. This is your new _you_ ”

Karamatsu, whose eyes were closed shut, opened them slowly. He squeezed Choromatsu’s hand at the same time, scared that the “other” Karamatsu would be there, grinning at him. But instead of that, he just saw himself. It was him, wearing a new kind of clothes. The jeans were tight, so they gave a nice shape to his legs. The blue of the sweater made him look different in a good way, because his skin looked more pale than normal and his legs longer. The coat made the sweater stand out and gave an air of maturity. He never knew he could look that good, Karamatsu almost did not recognize himself.

He liked what he saw. But it also felt weird. Like he was not being himself but, what was ‘being himself’? He was starting to become confused by his own thoughts, but in the end he had to recognize he looked good and normal.

“I like it. I… It does look nice, huh?”

“Yeah!” Totty came back to them with his phone, taking a surprise picture while grabbing his older brother’s arm “You look amazing. Besides, all that exercise is doing wonders on you”

“P-please, brother. Don’t start again…”

Choromatsu seemed confused and Totty laughed.

“I told him the other day that he had to show his ass to the world if he wanted to get laid. He has to take advantage of his new figure”

Of course, Choromatsu was going to reply and reprimand Todomatsu for his inappropriate words, but somebody else came into the room. Osomatsu was eating chips, walking in his lazy way.

“Who has to show his ass?” he asked, sitting on the floor. Totty was quick to answer.

“Karamatsu”

“Really?” Before Karamatsu could defend his honour, Todomatsu lifted the coat to show his brother’s bum, completely squeezed in those jeans. Karamatsu yelped, Choromatsu screeched and Totty laughed, but Osomatsu just whistled “Wow. He is right, Karamatsu. You have to show that bad boy. I might start training too if I end up having such a backside”

“Osomatsu!”

“What? It’s true”

Karamatsu was a blushed mess, covering his buttocks and protecting it by pressing his back against the mirror.

“R-really?”

“Sure. I could fap to that”

Karamatsu had to run away from the room, followed closely by a very disgusted Todomatsu while Choromatsu took care of his older brother. In the safety of the living room, he could not see what was happening in the bedroom but… Osomatsu’s screams of help were telling him that he did not wanted to know.

_Note to self: Don’t make Choromatsu mad. Ever._

At least, now he was ready for the weekend.

 

\------------------------------

 

“Is everybody ready?”

“Bitch, I was born ready!”

Choromatsu grunted again, asking for patience from God, because if He gave him strength, he would end up killing his eldest. Osomatsu was dressed in a very suspicious way, making a lot of noise when they wanted to be sneaky and quiet. And, of course, he was cursing in every chance he had.

“Shut up. I hate you” Choromatsu barked, hiding behind a tree while spying on Karamatsu. His second older brother was sitting on a bench, right next to Dekapan’s statue. He looked nervous, and was gazing at his wristwatch like a madman “He’s there. As soon as his ‘friend’ shows up, we follow them. If he is a weirdo, we kill him. Okay? No witnesses, no mess”

Ichimatsu mumbled behind of the bush he was using as a cover.

“I’ll take him down with me.”

“Good.”

Todomatsu told them everything about this ‘friend’ that his older brother was meeting. Of course, there was a possibility that it was just a prankster or an asshole trying to take advantage of Karamatsu’s vulnerable state. It was their job as his family to make sure that no one screwed with Karamatsu. It was the least they could do for his brother, as a way of compensation.

Afterall, nobody should be able to screw him up like they did. Thinking about it made Choromatsu clench his teeth.

Now they just had to wait. According what Todomatsu told them after spying on Karamatsu for a while, they were meeting in that exact place at 1 p.m. So they had to wait only fifteen minutes or so. It was not that terrible, actually. Just thinking that they were doing something to help his brother was good enough to tolerate being hidden behind plants, the bug bites and the uncomfortable positions. Karamatsu looked at his sides, looking at his watch every few minutes. He seemed so happy and full of hope that Choromatsu could not help to feel a sting right on his heart when the time was up and nobody came.

Karamatsu waited for fifteen more minutes, but no one came.

“Oh no…”

Karamatsu sighed. He waited so much for that moment when he would finally meet with his dear friend, only to find out that his friendship was just a curtain of smoke. Did he do something wrong? Was everything fake? Why?

_Why does nobody love me?_

He buried his fingers on his knees, feeling  pain in his chest. His throat hurt too, tightening up,  because he was trying his best not to cry. He was feeling like an idiot for believing that somebody could actually like him enough to hang out with him and the voices in his head were not helping at all.

_Did you really think somebody liked you? Like hell._

_Who would even look at you?_

_You are useless._

_Stupid Shittymatsu. They were lying to you all the time. Somebody must be laughing a lot, knowing you are here waiting like an idiot._

_Not even your family can stand you, why would do it someone else?_

Karamatsu gritted his teeth, about to get up and leave, when his phone suddenly started to ring. He took it out so fast it almost sliped from his hands, but when he looked at the screen there was a message. From Yu. He trembled, wondering if he should open it or not, but he would never knew the truth if he did not open it… So he did.

<< _Karamatsuuuu!! I’m sorry! I’m late, I know! Help meeee!_ >>

Help? Was Yu on trouble? His heart was racing, pounding so hard against his ribcage that he could barely hear his brothers going to him in an attempt to console him. Karamatsu’s fingers were trembling when he answered.

<< _Are you alright? What happened?_ >>

<< _This weird dude with enormous teeth came to me. He was trying to sell me something, but he made me really uncomfortable. I told him I was trying to go to the statue, that I did not wanted to buy shit and he started to yell at me! He was following me around, and I tried to lose him. But I took so many shortcuts I don’t know where I am anymore ._____._ >>

<< _Really? Dear god, and I was here complaining like an idiot_ >>

“Karamatsu? I am sorry he didn’t come... We can find him and kick his ass”

Karamatsu did not realize his brothers were there until Osomatsu slapped his back.

“Brothers! What are you doing here? Ah, never mind… I am talking to Yu, he’s here at the park!”

The five brothers looked at each other.

“HE’S WHAT!?” They screamed, but Karamatsu was too busy writing to his dear friend who was actually there, asking for help, to pay attention to his brothers. Or to notice the fact that they were there, that they seemed to know about Yu and that they were trying to make him feel better. He was too deep into his own thoughts.

Yu did not abandoned him, Yu actually came to see him.

_ <<Where are you? Send me a picture, I’ll go find you>> _

Yu send him a picture of a bridge, right over a river. He recognized that place, it was the bridge in which he used to wait for his Karamatsu Girls. Karamatsu answered, telling Yu to wait there at the bridge. He put his phone in his coat pocket and started running like hell. He heard his brothers calling for him, maybe yelling at him too. He ran, the pressure in his ears increasing until he just heard a high pitch sound. Karamatsu didn’t even know why the heck he was running, but he could not stop.

When he finally got there, he suddenly stopped. There were a few people on the bridge, so he looked around searching for the white beanie with black diamonds, heart racing non-stop.

And then, he saw…

 

\---------------------

 

“Where the fuck did that idiot go?!”

Osomatsu yelled, letting himself fall in the nearest bench. They had tried to run after their brother, but that asshole was too fast for them. He never imagined that all that training could make such a difference between their pace. How long had he been running? A month? And he was already too fast for them.

“Aaah.” Totty tried to recover his breath, leaning against the first son.  “He made us run so much… Only Jyuushi was able to follow him.”

Choromatsu left for a moment, only to buy a drink for the three of them in the nearest vending machine, as Ichimatsu passed out on the floor and he did not looked like he would wake up for a drink. Choromatsu came back, giving a coke to each of his brothers. He was already drinking his ginger ale.

“I just hope they are okay. I’m really worried… What if this person it’s just trying to use him?”

“I’ve read some of their chats…” Totty made his soda disappear in just one gulp  “It doesn’t seems like this Yu guy wants to hurt him. He even encouraged Karamatsu, but… It’s… So odd, right? Somebody liking Karamatsu just like that?”

“Yeah… Or… Maybe we are too used to him having only us that we can’t see him with someone else?”

Osomatsu did not answer, looking at the sky. He did not know what to think about everything that has been happening lately.

“I just hope Jyuushi can reach him.”  He said, suddenly feeling his chest… Weird.

 

\-------------------

 

The prettiest girl in the world.

Karamatsu stood there at the beginning of the bridge like a complete idiot, looking at the precious vision in front of him.  There was this girl on the bridge, looking at the distance while resting her arms on the edge on the bridge. She had long black hair, with blue and purple locks, falling at the sides of her face while her side fringe covered part of her eyebrows. They were pronounced, like his own eyebrows. Her skin was white and milky. Pinkish lips and cheeks. Her face had the shape of a heart, and a little nose. She had piercings on her ears and on one of her eyebrow. The girl turned around for a moment, not noticing Karamatsu standing there and he saw her eyes.

How beautiful

Big and round, a little almond shaped on the corners which gave her a playful expression. Those eyes were as green as a field during summer. Green like emeralds. They were the greenest thing he had ever seen in his whole life. She was wearing tight black pants, a nice pair of red boots, a long  and baggy white shirt with a grey coat that was a thick woolen. The girl looked kind of bored, like she was waiting for someone. Karamatsu kept still like a statue, still looking at her until he remembered why he was in that place.

Only then he noticed, what he was looking for. A white beanie with black diamonds and an old leather bag with the Antimony symbol on it.

The girl was wearing it.

Karamatsu’s heart started pounding faster than ever. That girl was Yu? No, that was impossible, Yu was too… Different to be a girl. And also she looked foreigner, but Yu told him he… Or she… Was Italian, so Yu is also a foreigner. The questions were mixing in his head to the point he was drowning in his own thoughts, especially when he realized that if Yu was actually a girl, then he had been treating her like a dude all the time.

_Please don’t be Yu, please don’t be Yu, please, please! It would be too embarrassing! She would hate me for treating her like… Like… Oh my god, I was so disrespectful!_

The girl suddenly turned in his direction, looked at him and her eyes widened like she had found what she was looking for. A shy smile appeared on her lips at the same time that she came closer to him. Karamatsu was about to faint, he was sure of it.

“Karamatsu…?”

Oh my god, she’s talking to me! And she has an accent! And a cute voice! Goodness, the way she pronounces the K and M is so… Wait, is she actually a girl? He glanced at her chest, there were two rather large bumps on  it. Yep, she is definitely a girl and I just looked at her magnificent feminine area. I’m such a guilty guy.

Somehow, he mustered the courage to speak.

“Y-yeah… Yes! I’m Matsuno Karamatsu. And you… You are Yu, right?” He hoped she wasn’t, but the girl smiled and nodded.

“Yup! I am Yu! Though actually that’s a nickname. I don’t really like my full name”

“Can… Can I know what your full name is?”

She rolled her eyes.

“Yukina. I don’t like it, it’s too feminine. So everybody calls me Yu or Yuki. Anyway, it’s so nice to finally meet you, Karamatsu.  I was kind of scared that you might have left because I was late”

“N-no, no, I would never do that. A true man has to wait at least twenty minutes before leaving” She laughed. Did she actually find him funny?

“That’s sweet, Karamatsu! Wait, Can I call you like that?” He had no other choice than to nod. “Cool. Sorry If I was rude, I should have asked that before… Um… Okay… W-wanna go for a walk?”

Karamatsu nodded again, suddenly feeling nervous. He was actually walking side by side with a girl. She… She had been his friend for a month and a few weeks, but she never told him about her true gender. He just assumed Yu was a boy and now Karamatsu was feeling kind of odd. They both were silent for a while, until Yu stopped in her tracks.

“Karamatsu...” She took a deep breath and faced him.  “Are you… Disappointed?”

“W-wha…? Why would you ask that?”

“It’s just… When we were on the phone, you really opened up to me. But now you are so quiet and… when you looked at me it was like you had just seen a ghost. Is something wrong with me?”

 _Fuck._ Did she just read his mind? He was thinking about a way to answer, he had to find a way to get out of the situation. But he was unable to and he figured out that being honest was the best policy, so he just bowed and said with all the sincerity he had in his heart.

“I am sorry!”

Only to find out that she just did the same. They both straightened up and looked at the other, trying to understand the situation.

“No, I am sorry. No, I… Maybe…” They were talking at the same time. This was the most bizarre thing that had happened to him, since the day his brothers and him invoked Akumatsu. “No, stop! I’m the one who’s sorry! Yes.  No! Not… Why are you sorry? No, you. You! Go first!”

Both of them were like that for a few minutes, to the point they got angry at the situation. They yelled, trying to speak over the other voice, but in the end they just looked at each other and realized that was so ridiculous that they started laughing. People stared at them, the weird couple who was laughing for no reason, but neither of them even cared about that. It was just too funny not to laugh to.

“Oh goodness.”  He was the first one in calm down. So he inhaled and put his mind in order to answer.  “I am sorry. I mistook you for a man and I’ve been treating you like one all this time. I was not expecting a girl and, when I saw you, well… It was really disrespectful of me to treat you like that. I was so nervous you might get mad at me…”

The young woman just stared at him for a second, before letting out a relieved sigh.

“Ufff, that’s it? That’s your big worry? Chill, sweety. I am not angry at all. In fact…” she scratched the back of her head and, for her expression, Karamatsu could tell she was a little embarrassed.

“I don’t mind being treated as a guy. I don’t mind being treated as a girl. Or as genderless. You see… I never told you that I was biologically a girl because… Well… Geez, this is awkward.”  Her cheeks were furiously flushed “I am genderqueer. So, any pronoun you may use its fine. I don’t mind.”

Karamatsu needed a minute to process that information.

“What does that actually mean? It’s like… Transexual or something like that?”

“Noooo. It means that I don’t identify with the binary concept of male and female. You see, it’s different for every person. In my case, sometimes I feel like a woman, sometimes like a man, sometimes like none of them, and sometimes I feel like I am in between. When that happens I dress and act in the way that makes me feel better. It’s hard to explain to someone who is… You know… Normal. I even let one of my friends dress me up so I could make a good first impression.”  She laughed a little, like she was trying to lighten up the mood.

The fact she used that word made him remember how he felt before. Like he was not normal anymore because of his depression, his fear of being rejected if he used something “painful”.

“Why have you never told me? I would’ve understood it.”

“I know! I… was scared you would never want to see me again if I told you before we met. And I also wanted to tell you in person. I know this is kind of weird, so… If you want to leave, then I’ll understand.”

She was scared too.

Yukina was also scared. She may not have depression or painful clothes, but she was afraid of being hated for her identity.  Afraid of being hated for who she was. She even went to all the trouble of changing the way she dressed to give a good first impression. Yu was, in a way, a lot like him. And when he realized that, he began to feel this warmth that Yu’s messages always provoked in him.

“Well… It’s not that weird. I mean, you are just being yourself. I have a brother that interacts only with cats. Acts like a cat. He even wants to have a surgery to become a cat.”

“Dude, you serious?” Karamatsu nodded and she burst out in laughter.  “That’s so funny! And they say I am weird! Ohhh, but I also like weird ice cream flavors. How can you surpass that? I can even curse in ice cream flavors!”

Karamatsu arched one of his brows.

“I would like to see that. Regardless, one of my brothers kept a set of pink women’s clothing hidden between his everyday clothes for no reason. Until he used them to interview the rest of us and see who was better for a group date.”

“Well I curse like a sailor! And move my hands a lot when I talk! And sometimes my languages get mixed and I end up saying things in three languages at the same time.”  Yu crossed her arms against her chest, looking all dignified until she opened one of her eyes.  “He had female underwear too?”

“The most feminine pink panties I’ve ever seen.”  Karamatsu answered, remembering the time when Osomatsu almost humped his youngest brother.

“I don’t even _own_ pink panties. Ugh… Um… I mix my french fries with mayo!”  

Karamatsu made such a face that she laughed her ass off.

“The look on your face! Hey, it tastes good. We do it in Italy all the time”

“If you say so… I would not mind trying a new thing, if you promise me that it will make my tastebuds dance in joy.”

Karamatsu almost tried to kick himself when he heard himself talking like that. But Yu instead of complaining because he was painful, just laughed.

“Oh man, I love when you do that.  It reminds me of my country a little. You know… I was expecting sequins and leather. What happened to you?”

“I… I was afraid you might find me painful and run for the hills.”

“Hm… Well, it seems both of us were afraid of something today. What a combo we are, huh? Tell you what.”  She began to look for something in her bag until she found it.  “Here, I have a lot of discount coupons for McDonalds. A friend of mine gave them to me. What about forgetting about our fears while eating a nice and delicious triple cheeseburger with extra fries?”

He looked at the coupons, then at Yu. He was definitely feeling at home, like he had just found a piece that had been missing somehow… Like having a new sibling. It was an odd yet sweet sensation he had not experienced in years.  Just looking at her lively green eyes and that playful smile, he knew that he could not refuse.

Not that he wanted to.

“Will you put mayo on your french fries?”

“Bitch, I’ll put french fries inside my hamburger, add more mayo, and then eat it. That’s how pro mayo I am”

“Well, that’s an offer I cannot refuse” he said, imitating the voice of the Godfather.  She laughed, a very loud and clear laughter. Normally girls always tried to laugh in a cutesy way, like Todomatsu did. Modest and cute. But she was just laughing out loud while putting her bag over her shoulder.

“C’mon, I am so hungry right now that I fear my stomach is going to eat itself. We can go later to buy some clothes… I don’t feel comfortable in the ones I am wearing today. Is that okay with you?”

He could actually understand that.

“Totally. You need more sequins.”

She laughed again, loudly. He did so, too. And the two set out to find the nearest McDonalds.

A few meters away, a figure in yellow was watching. It seemed that Karamatsu was in good hands. Jyuushimatsu wanted to interrupt for a moment and go with them, but he had not seen his brother laughing and smiling like that for a long time, so he thought that leaving him alone with his friend was for the best. He could not see very well the person his brother was talking to, but it actually didn’t matter.  Jyuushimatsu turned around and went back to the rest of his brothers. Ichimatsu was practically dead to the world, Todomatsu and Osomatsu were leaning against each other on a bench and Choromatsu was also worn out. He was the first one to notice that he came back.

“Oh! Jyuushimatsu! Did you find them?”

“Nope! I lost him! I am hungry, can we go back?”

Todomatsu grunted, getting up with some effort. Everything hurt.

“Yes, he’ll tell us everything when he comes back. Let’s go home”

Jyuushi decided to carry Ichimatsu on his back, as Totty was grabbing Choromatsu by his shoulder to use him as support. Osomatsu stood behind only for a moment, looking at his brothers who were walking back home before turning around and look at the way in which Karamatsu ran a few moments ago. He stood there, completely silent, remembering Karamatsu’s face before he started to run after that friend of his.

He sighed, turned around and walked toward the rest of his brothers feeling heavy.

 

\---------------

 

“You were not joking about the mayo and fries.”

He and Yuki ended up going to McDonald's. After waiting for a little while in line, he took out his coupons and they ended up a 2 for 1 coupon, then they split the cost in two and each of them ended up paying just half of a full combo. Now they were sitting next to a window, eating happily and talking about a lot of stuff, like they were long lost siblings that had finally found each other.

But he could not understand why Yuki was putting mayonnaise over his fries.

“I told you, didn’t I?  Don’t you want to try one?  C’mon, this is amazing, I promise”

“I… am not really sure about it” People would stare weirdly at him, just like they were doing with Yuki. But he did not seemed to mind at all, as he was eating his fries and his burger like he was tasting a piece of heaven. He did looked happy and satisfied while eating, so Karamatsu ended up wanting to try at least one fry even though it looked totally strange.  “Alright, I’ll try one.”

“That’s the spirit. Here!”  He passed his bowl of fries, already covered with some mayo. Karamatsu looked at the food, wondering if something that looked so hideous could actually taste as good as Yuki said it would. But he was already commited, so he grew a pair and took one, chewing on it.

At first, the sensation of the mayo softening the natural crunchiness of the french fries was kind of odd but, as the flavour invaded his mouth, he found out that it actually tasted good. The lemon of the mayo  and the saltiness of the fries combined together in a very curious way. It tasted good. Really good. He took another, then another, and another one, just to make sure that he was not delusional.

“It… It’s good. I can’t believe it, it’s good!”

“Told you. Here you have more mayo, knock yourself out.”  And he did, Karamatsu put mayo on his fries and ate them like they were the best thing on earth. Yuki was killing his own hamburger too.  “So… How is everything with your brothers?”

“Well, everything’s been improving slowly. It seems that my brothers did have their own reasons to act like… Well…”

“Complete jackasses?”

“Not the word I was looking for, but yes. They apologized in their own way, some of them even want to spend more time with me. Todomatsu even helped me to choose this new apparel I am wearing right now. It is not as dashing and fantastic as my perfect fashion, but I guess I can still be my cool self, even with these commoner clothes.”

Again, Yuki laughed. It was kind of nice having someone who laughed in a good way when others just called him ‘painful’.

“Of course you can! Coolness is in your blood, sweety. Clothes are just an easy way to make other people find out about our coolness. That’s how the members of the cool gang find each other.”  He winked, finishing his burger in a few bites.  “But it’s good that they are coming along. I am happy for you, Karaboy. Having your family support you is the best”

“Indeed. Osomatsu is still giving me the cold shoulder  every now and then, but… I did tell him he was a bad big brother, so…”

“Meh, let him be. He’s just probably sulking. But you are making progress! That’s awesome, Karaboy. Now, you told me something about a few songs, didn’t you?”

Before he knew it, Karamatsu was sitting right next to Yuki, sharing his mp3 headphones so that he could listen to his new songs. Yuki had his eyes open, looking at something that was far, far away, completely concentrated on the songs. Karamatsu felt nervous for a few moments until he saw his friend moving his head at the rythm of the songs, moving his lips to follow the lyrics.

“This is… Oh god, you progressed so much. And your love songs are beautiful. I never thought a guy could compose songs so sensitive and… Well… Lovely? I mean it in a good way.”  Yuki immediately added, while returning the music device.

“Yes, I know. I don’t mind being called ‘sensitive’ now. Besides, somebody told me that we were living in a loveless world so I wondered… Why not add a little bit of love to it? Love is a powerful force, it moves people. I mean, there are legends about love, myths. Deities fell for love. Even civilizations were lost to love!”

“Say what again?”

“Like Troy? You know… If this guy hadn’t fall in love with Helen, nothing would’ve happened”

Yuki opened his mouth, like he was about to retort his reasoning. But in the end he just stayed quiet, thinking about it.

“You may be right, Karamatsu. Besides, people can sacrifice a lot for love.”

“They can protect for love. Change for love. Live for love” He said, completely warming up to this conversation.

“Die for love.”

“Leave material goods for love.”

“Kill for love.”  When Yuki said that, he frowned. He was actually thinking about it, how love could move people to do wonderful things and horrible things. He knew he would give his life for the people he loved… Like a lot of people could also kill someone because they loved them too much.  

“Wow. I’ve never thought about it. Love is like a force of nature if you put it that way”

“Yes! Though I like it better when love is used for a good thing. I would like to be able to put that in my songs but… I guess I still have a lot to learn.”

“That’s something that time and experience will fix.”  Yu said, moving his hands in a gesture to make him feel better with himself.  “But, despite that, you should sing. Have you ever thought of singing on the street? Like, you could go to a subway, a train station or a park and sing there so people give you money.”

Karamatsu felt the sudden need to throw himself through the window when he was hit by the realization that he should’ve thought about that before.

“I’ve never thought about it.”

Yu snickered, covering his mouth.

“Goodness, you are really something. Well you could at least try, right? There are also a lot of pubs and bars where you could perform at.”

“I… Don’t think so.”  The voices were creeping him out again, trying to convince him that he would never succeed, like he had never succeeded in anything.  “What if they don’t like my songs?”

“It’s a risk you may have to accept. C’mon Karaboy. Life is too short to be scared, we could be dead tomorrow.”

He could not argue against that. But before he could even answer, Yu took a notebook out of his bag. It was an art notebook, with special sheets that made drawing easier, and he even took out a little pencil case. Yu started showing him a few of his new designs, adding a few trinkets and modifications at the same time he was speaking. Karamatsu found himself completely enthralled watching his friend drawing at the speed of light, with a steady hand and a soft strokes.

The lines, the curves, every movement of the pencil and Yu’s hand created something new while his friend explained to him the rules of fashion, why each accessory had to be put in a determined place or the difference between the fabrics. By the time Yu ended with his display, neither of them had any fries on their plates nor anything to drink.

“Wow, how long have I been going on with these? Karamatsu, you should’ve stopped me!”

“My friend, you seemed to be so excited with your detailed explanations that I did not have the heart to make you stop. Besides, you make a large variety of cute expressions when you are drawing.”

“I do not! Take it back!”

“I shall never retract of my words, as I am a man of honor. And men of honor never lie!”

Yu squinted his eyes.

“I’ll make you.”

“Well, you seem to hold yourself in high regard if you really think that you can make me... Oh God!”

Before he knew what was happening, a pair of sneaky little hands were tickling his sides and stomach. He did his best to be a cool guy and hold in his laughter, hoping his friend would stop… But he was already trembling and something in Yu’s serious expression made him realize that he was not going to stop. In the end, Karamatsu ended up laughing like an idiot, tears falling from his eyes while he squirmed like a worm in his seat. Even Yu started to laugh, moving faster, until both of them were laughing too hard  and neither of them could keep moving.

They needed a few minutes to stop. And even then, whenever they looked at each other, they started laughing again.

“S-so…” Yuki was now able to talk, though he was panting.  “Will you retract or do I have to attack you again?”

“No, no, please no… I don’t think my heart can take all that laughter again. Damn, my ribs hurt!”

“I am very powerful.” Yu said, putting her fists on her waist in a triumphant way.  “Hey, want to walk for a bit? We’ve been sitting here for a long time, some exercise may do us good. We have to lose the pounds those burgers gave us, right?”

“I like taking long strolls around the town. Sometimes, though, I may or may not know where I am or how to get back home.”

Yu laughed harder and Karamatsu started to take a liking to making him laugh. It was odd, in a sense… At the same time they took their stuff and started walking around, he thought about the fact that he was treating Yu like a guy. Even when he now knew that Yu was actually a girl, he still chose to use the male pronouns. Even in his mind. And Karamatsu did not care about it at all, especially now that Yuki told him that he could use any pronoun he wanted. It was something strange, he knew it was, but it felt right in a sense he could not explain to himself.

During the stroll, they stopped every now and then to look at the stores, especially the clothes shop. They also asked each other a bunch of questions.

“So, how does it feel living with five people with the same face?”

“It’s the most marvelous thing you can ever imagine!”

Yu arched both of his brows, smiling.

“Now say it again, looking at my eyes.”

Karamatsu gave in.

“It is terribly tiring. You take years to not confuse your brother’s names, you have to share everything all the time. Not that I mind, but my brothers always take my stuff without permission and damage it. Do you know how it feels to have your parents buy tons and tons of the same clothes just because it’s cheaper? Even your underwear!”

“Atta boy! Feeling better now?”

“Surprisingly, yes.”  Karamatsu had to recognize that. He even let out a sigh of relief.  “Now tell me, how does it feel living… Well… I realize now I have no idea where do you live, Yuki. It is okay If I call you that?

“Yep. I like it, it sounds nice and it’s unisex, so I don’t mind. Is it too bothersome for you to use male pronouns? I know it’s kind of difficult at first, specially when I am dressed like a lady. So I won’t get mad if you get confused or anything”

Karamatsu just shrugged, smiling a little in his cool pose.

“Heh, dearest Yuki, it seems you are underestimating my power. I have no problem in using whatever pronoun makes you feel comfortable. To me, you are a man now. One dressed in very cute clothes, but still a man.”

Yu widened his eyes as big as they were, then gave him such a bright smile that Karamatsu had to contain the urge to cry he had. It was the first time in ages that someone smiled at him so honestly.

“You are the best, Karaboy! It… It is nice when someone understands. People normally get too careful or worse, they don’t give a damn and mock you. I could hug you right now, but I’ve learned the hard way that Japanese people are not as touchy-feely as Italians are.”

Karamatsu imagined himself being hugged and he had to clear his throat.

“Heh, I don’t mind being hugged. I mean, It is very normal for people to want to hug me! Who wouldn’t? Right?” Yu was just smiling, lifting one of his brows while he crossed his arms over his chest. It was like he knew that Karamatsu was just bluffing, doing his cool antics, but he did not seemed to mind at all. Like he found all that bravado fun in a good way. Karamatsu blushed slightly and coughed.

“I… I also know that things are different in other countries so… If you… If you ever want to hug me or something like that, you are free to do so. I know it’s really difficult to contain that urge.”

Yuki snickered and ended up grabbing him by his elbow.

“Pffft, you are adorable, Karamatsu. No, better, you are adorkable! An adorable dork!”

Karamatsu knew he should be offended by that, but the way Yuki said it made him smile instead of getting mad.

 _Is this what they call ‘teasing between friends’? It was kind of nice… It did not feel like at insult at all._ He thought, letting Yu squeeze his elbow with both of his hands, stopping in their tracks every now and then to look at something cool in a shopwindow.

“But to answer your previous question… I live in a… Well, I don’t really know how to describe it. I still have some problems with Japanese. It's like a pretty big building with tons of rooms and apartments? A friend of mine first inherited the property and she had been working on it to transform it in a place where outcasts like me could live. You can rent a room, share it to split expenses. Some people share apartments.” He explained, all while moving one of his hands to give emphasis to everything he said “When Mikuruné started with it, it was just a small building… But then she won a lot of money in the horse races, so she bought the adjoining land and started to build on it. After that, her wealthy boyfriend helped her and she built some more. Now she works for some weird guy and she earns a lot of money, so she keeps building more apartments and rooms. She practically owns a full block.

Karamatsu could not believe what he was hearing.

“Are you serious? How is that even possible?”

“Honestly I don’t know and a part of me does not want to know. Anyway, I live there. I have my own apartment. It is a little small, but I can manage with that. Besides, I only have to pay taxes… It’s the good thing of being best friends with the landlady, huh?”

“Indeed, apartments can be pretty expensive. How did you meet this… What was her name again?”

“Mikuruné. That’s what she likes to be called”

“Miku… Don’t you mean Mikuru-nee?” Yu tilted his head and frowned a little, like he could not understand the difference. “‘Nee’ is a honorific. It’s a short for ‘nee-san’. Older sister in English.”

Yu’s eyes sparkled like he had just seen the light.

“Ohhhhh, that explains a lot! I wonder why she never told me I was saying it wrong? Oh well… Mikuru-nee and I found each other on the streets. We met a few times but we never spoke to each other until I started working with her. She helped me big time there. I helped her too and then we became best friends. So when she inherited that building, she told me I could live in one of the big rooms. Or… the biggest room at that time. As long as I payed my taxes, of course.”

Karamatsu then suddenly remembered about Yu’s family. The fact that they disowned him and threw him to the streets like an old thing. He had cried once, thinking about the little boy Yu once had been, all alone on the scary streets. But now he was confronted with the reality that Yu was biologically a girl. A female.

A young girl abandoned. In the streets. Completely alone.

He looked at Yu in silence, the sudden realization striking at him like a lightning. A girl, alone… Where did she sleep? What did she eat? What happened to her? Before he knew what he was doing, he had already stopped walking and his eyes were full of tears.

“Karamatsu! Are you crying? Oh god, did I do something wrong? Did I say something offensive? I know my Japanese sounds weird but…”

“I am sorry” He wanted to kill himself, his voice sounded hoarse.

“What for? You didn’t do anything bad…”

“I just… Remembered. You were all alone and… You probably did not have no place to live until this Mikuru-nee appeared.”

Yuki tilted his head again, utterly confused. Then, he understood and sighed, grabbing Karamatsu’s shoulder again.

“Don’t worry about it. It was a long time ago, I am fine now. I told you already. It was… really hard. But I made some friends that helped me through those times”

“But… But you are a girl. I mean…physically. I… I’ve never been on the streets but I know what happens there. And… A lady… “

“Karamatsu.”

Yu’s voice changed all of a sudden. It was sharp for a moment, just a second, before becoming completely listless. Karamatsu faced his friend and saw him sad, worried, and a little bit uncomfortable. There was a big mixture of feelings in those green eyes and now he was feeling like an idiot for provoking that. In the end, Yu just smiled again at him and reached out to hold his hand.

“I would like to say all that is in the past but I can’t. It a part of me as your brothers are a part of you. But it’s a part of me I don’t really like… A part that I have to fight every day so it does not bring me down. Sometimes I win the fight, sometimes I don’t. The thing is… I survived, I made it out. And now I am here, happy, and working my ass off to be a proper person. So, instead of being all sad, stop worrying about things that you can’t change and start having some fun with me. C’mon!” Yu exclaimed, pulling his arm to make him move “I wanna buy more comfortable clothes, change, then see a few stores and grab something at a Seven Eleven, mmkay?”

“Are… Are you sure?”

“Totally, Let’s go!”

Yu just dragged him around. They went to some stores to check out clothes, jewelry, perfumes. Yu even asked him if he liked some earrings or piercings for him to replace the ones he was already using and, obviously, Karamatsu chose the most flashy ones. Yu laughed at him, but ended up buying a few of them anyway. They walked around, eating ice cream cones, while Yu talked about his school. The rich kids that were there just because their parents paid for everything but never did anything right and did not care to learn.

“My school teaches everything related to art. Music, design, carving, sculpture, artistic metal welding, painting. It is expensive, though. I am lucky I have a scholarship.”  Yu said, before he started a rant about a rich classmate who was a “daddy’s girl” and was always trying to be the center of attention.

Karamatsu found himself having fun. Even when he helped Yuki to find some new masculine outfits so he could change, he did it with all his heart. He searched for shirts, pants, jackets or hoodies, he gave Yu some advices based on the magazines he had read and showed him a few things he thought they would suit Yu. His friend always smiled at him, politely rejected the things that he did not like and accepted the ones that he found ’cool’.

Yu ended up using the same pants, but he bought a pair of blue sneakers chosen by Karamatsu. Of course, they were a little flashy because they had glitter and lights that activated whenever Yu walked around. Then Yuki bought a baggy white hoodie with a zipper in the front, that had black and white tartan details on the sleeves and inside the hood. With that, Yu seemed satisfied and comfortable.

And then, they began their hang out again. They went to bookstores, checking on picture books, including history books of fashion and design. Music books and biographies of great artists too. When both of them realized it was getting kind of late, Karamatsu offered to accompany Yu to the nearest bus stop and he accepted, so both of them ended up exchanging music using bluetooth until the bus came.

“I had a great time today, Karamatsu. Sorry for being late, though. That guy’s ‘sheee’ was too unbearable to stay still in one place”

“I understand. I… I am really glad you had fun today. I was a bit nervous that you would find me painful and leave.”

“Painful? Why?” Yu tilted his head, not understanding the meaning of that. Karamatsu had to explain, very ashamed of course, why other people found him painful “Oh? I like the way you talk. And you have a good voice so it’s nice to hear it. And your clothes… A lot of people dress like you in my country. Those are manly men clothes.”

“Really?”

“Yep! Anyway, painful or not, I had a lot of fun. We should go out again!”

“Y-yes! Totally! W-whenever you want!”

Yu took a moment to think, looking at his cellphone. The archives were almost completely shared.

“I get out of work at 3 pm, this Wednesday. Is that okay with you? If not, I only have free time on Friday… I’ll spend the rest of the days having photoshoots. You know, to make up for the sessions I missed during finals.”

“Wednesday is fine. Friday is fine too! I have a lot of free time.”

Yu smiled at him. Karamatsu’s heart started racing. It was odd being next to a girl and not feeling that urge to conquer her heart but, as he found during their date, Yu was more than just a girl who he could try to woo. There was a sensation of belonging he had not felt in a few years. It felt like he had just found a new brother, somebody else who could be a part of his family and his heart.

Like finding something that was missing. A missing piece. He did not mind if Yuki was a girl or a boy. He just enjoyed passing time with him. And now the world was recovering its colours, little by little.

“Sure! We can have a picnic on Wednesday and go to the movies on Friday. Don’t worry about the money, though.”  Yu said, winked and then rummaged through his bag. He took out a wad of coupons.  “I am pretty sure I have discount coupons for the movie theater too!”

“You have coupons for that?”  He was in awe, looking at the biggest wad of coupons he had ever seen.

“Dude, I am in college. I have coupons for almost everything! I have to save money as much as I can, so this beauties are my saviors.”

Karamatsu could not argue that logic, after all, he knew that college was expensive. Especially for someone who was living alone.

“Indeed, my dear friend. Then this Wednesday I’ll take you to the park so you can hear my most amazing tunes and…”

“Shoot, the bus is here”

“Eh?”

Damn, that thing was too fast. Karamatsu thought, not wanting the date to end. Yu disconnected the bluetooth, rearranged his belongings and turned around to shake Karamatsu’s hand, all in a split of a second.

“Heh, if we were in my country, I would say goodbye with a kiss on your cheek” Yu said, cackling a little. Karamatsu became as red as a tomato.  “Don’t worry, I know how Japanese are about those stuff, so I won’t do it. So, see you on Wednesday.”

The bus stopped. Karamatsu waved his hand while Yu paid for his ticket and went to the seats on the back. He sat next to a window, opened it and waved back at Karamatsu.

“Remember! Your voice is your money maker, use it! You can do it!”

Decision and courage filled Karamatsu’s chest and he puffed up like a bird.

“Yeah! I will! Until next Wednesday!”

He stood there, waving even when the bus was out of sight. Karamatsu felt all dizzy and fuzzy inside, but the happiness was so much that he ended screaming to vent out it all out, afraid that it might crack his chest from the inside out. He walked, happily, singing in his own world while going home. He was almost flying, seeing everything with a pink and glowing filter.

When he finally got home, he was sparkling.

“Family, I came back!”  He said, smiling widely. Everybody was at the kotatsu, ready for dinner.

His mother smiled at him and asked if he wanted to eat too. “Oh, mother, thank you. But I’ve been eating all day. I’ll just sit with the rest”

“All right, dear. But I’ll have your plate ready if you change your mind.” Matsuyo patted her son’s head and left, going to the kitchen.

Karamatsu sat next to his brothers, helping himself with some water. He was just drinking, when he noticed the eyes of all of his brothers looking straight at him, barely touching their food.

“Hum… My brothers? Is there a problem? Or am I so handsome that even you fell for my charm?”

Todomatsu screeched at the thought and Ichi reacted the same as always, punching him. But this time, he just punched him on the shoulder and threw a napkin at him.

“Not even in your worst nightmares, Shittymatsu.”  For the first time, Ichimatsu said that nickname in a inoffensive  way. Or at least, it sounded like that “You… Met your friend, right?”

“Yes! Indeed I… Wait.” Karamatsu lifted his head, looking directly to his youngest brother at the same time he frowned and narrowed his eyes “How on earth do you know about him?  I’ve never told you anything.”

Todomatsu giggled and took a bite of his meal.

“I didn’t _say_ anything, Karamatsu nii-san. Besides, we were all worried about you.”

 _You little_ … Karamatsu thought, but he did nothing besides glare at his youngest brother until he started to feel uncomfortable.

“Yeah.” Choromatsu drank a bit of water and served more for Jyuushi, who just swallowed all the contents in his glass in a second “It could’ve been someone with bad intentions, you know?”

“I appreciate it, really. But don’t you think I can take care of myse…?”

“NO!”  They all answered at the same time without missing a beat.

“My brothers… My brothers don’t believe in me… That’s so sad…. But it doesn’t matter”

Karamatsu was already posing, being the same as always. All the sextuplets looked at him in awe, wondering what the hell was going on. He was acting like he had never had depression or mood swings.

“’Cause I believe in myself!”

Osomatsu grunted. Karamatsu was being too happy for his taste, he almost missed the grumpy, sad Karamatsu from the last few weeks. He could still not forget Karamatsu’s glistening eyes when he ran to find this ‘friend’ of his. Osomatsu was not okay with it.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just spill the beans already, how was it? Did he find you painful and ended up in the hospital?”

Choromatsu turned to see his elder brother, wanting to smack him. He knew Osomatsu enough to see that he was trying to make Karamatsu feel a little bad, even when Osomatsu himself didn’t noticed. But he did not have to do a thing, because Karamatsu just laughed like he heard the funniest thing ever. It was a victorious laughter.

“Not at all! In fact, Yu found me completely captivating and fun.”  He said, doing his typical poses while he made that ‘Heh’ Karamatsu used when he wanted to look cool “We had such a great time, you can’t even imagine. And… And he is so… I don’t know, so cool? We complement each other, it is… It is like I just found a missing brother or something like that.”

Osomatsu pressed his glass of water between his fingers.

“Say what again?”

“Yes! I… Well, it is difficult to explain when you have not met him. But I assure you, Yu is the greatest person I’ve ever met. He likes music, he likes fashion, he likes hamburgers and books…”

“That’s so cool, nii-san!” Jyuushimatsu said, clapping his hands “So, does he likes baseball?”

“Ah, yes. Well, Jyushi, I am not really sure if he likes baseball, as he is foreigner and I don’t know if they play baseball in his homeland or… Or that he even knows what baseball is. I think he must know, he’s been living in Japan for a few years" Jyuushimatsu seemed sad because of his answer, so he immediately patted his head. “But I’ll make sure to ask him the next time we hang out. And if he does not know about baseball, I’ll let you teach him.”

“Yaaaaaay!"

“Does he work?” Todomatsu was asking questions too, while looking at his phone.  “Do you know what are his interests?”

“He works, of course. He is a student in Sekirotawa Academy of Arts. And he is preparing himself to be a fashion designer, so…”

Totty dropped everything he was doing, hitting the table with both of his hands.

“You said Sekirotawa?! Oh man, that school is expensive! And it’s filled with strange people… They say it is a very eccentric place filled with eccentric weird students.”

“He did said something about his school. It is filled with, and I am quoting: ‘stupid, rich, bratty bastards with no real talent’”

“Oh my god! Tell us more!”

Karamatsu spent all dinner talking about his friend. The things Yuki told him, the stuff they chatted about, everything they did. He even told them about how happy he was, finally having a friend who understood him and did not want him to change.

His brothers congratulated him and, for the first time in a long time, Karamatsu knew they meant it. His brothers were actually happy for him, he could feel it in his gut and it was amazing. They encouraged him, told him he could bring his friend home so they could meet him, they gave him ideas for their next dates and Todomatsu almost made Karamatsu describe Yu’s appearance in general and he also made him swear that he would take pictures.

Osomatsu was the only one who just stayed quiet, at least until the rest stopped arguing over which place was the best to take Yu during one of their future dates. Osomatsu just smiled at him and caressed his head.

“I am glad for you, little bro.”

With only those words, Osomatsu went to sleep.

Karamatsu started to feel uneasy. Something was wrong with his older brother, but he could not grasp what was it. The rest of them were genuinely happy but the elder was acting weird. Normally Karamatsu’s sensitive and emphatic nature allowed him to realize this kind of stuff before anybody else, he always knew when something was wrong with one of his siblings. But now he was not able to see what was affecting his older brother so much.

Did it have something to do with Yu? Was Osomatsu jealous? Mad? Maybe he was pretending and planning a joke to ridiculize him in front of his friend? All of those options at the same time?

Whatever it was, he had no time to worry about it. His therapist already told him that he had to give his brothers their own space and let them face their own problems by themselves, so his brother was alone this time.

Besides, he was really in no position to help anyone at the moment. He had to focus on himself. He was still struggling with nightmares every now and then, as well as adjusting to therapy. He needed all of his energy to ensure his own recovery, there was none to spare in helping another.

On the other hand, even though he was happy his brothers supported him, he was also scared. Everybody seemed to be happy but those damned voices inside his mind were telling him that they were just pretending; that they would try to ruin everything for him like they’ve always done to each other. Not only that. Karamatsu was so used to treating Yuki like a man that he talked about him with his brothers using male pronouns, but God only knew what his siblings would do when they realize that Yuki was actually Yukina.

As soon as they noticee her breasts, every Matsuno in the house would get so mad they would end up opening the gates of hell, unleashing a terrible monster. He would not be surprised if they ended up summoning Akumatsu or something worse, even without him.

That night, Karamatsu barely slept. His happiness was a little darkened by disturbing dreams of his brothers meeting Yu while dressed in feminine clothes. They ended up burning the house down, woke up the dead, and his beloved friend was imprisoned in a cage at the top of a mountain. When he woke up, Karamatsu had only one thing in mind.

He had to protect Yuki. For that, he had to keep his friend far away from his brothers and as hidden as humanly possible.

It was going to be difficult now that all of them knew of his existence, but he had to try.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly what you were expecting, huh? Lol!
> 
> Please don't hate me ._.
> 
>  
> 
> So, you may get confused, so in case you haven't noticed, When Yu dresses and acts in a certain way, the narrator and most of the characters will use the corresponding pronouns. As Yu seemed to be more comfortable with male pronouns, Karamatsu immediatly used them and so did the narrator... So that's why there is a change between "she" and "he".
> 
> I hope you can understand it, if there is anything else you need to be explained, then tell me in the comments and I'll explain it.
> 
> And yes, I wrote Mikuruné with an accent. Yes. To emphasize the misspronunciation.
> 
>  
> 
> I am already working on chapter 8. Yay!


	8. Karamatsu 2.0

**_“You think you have everything under control?”_ **

Karamatsu glared at the vision in front of him. His other self was there, accompanied by the shadows of his brothers. He was in that room that he always visited in his dreams, the one that was always filled with water or dark goo. The walls had changed since the last time he was there, as one became red and yellow and was covered in pictures of recent events and random stuff, like a baseball bat, Nyaa-chan CDs, a guitar, some bandages. There was another wall, which was purple and pink, that had tons of clothes and cat toys. The goo was still on the ground, making it impossible for him to move lightly, but Karamatsu felt safe at that time. Or safer than before, at least for a while.

After all, whatever the voices were saying, he knew it was not true. He had his brothers now, they were getting along better. He had his music, he had his friend. He had Yuki. There was nothing that those damned voices could say that would make him feel down.

_“ **You really think things will get better? Don’t make me laugh”**_

The shadows of his brothers lifted their heads. The roof was melting, large black drops falling into the ground. Karamatsu wanted to scream when he saw their eyes, completely red, piercing his soul.

**_“This is just a charade”_ **

**_“You’ll get nowhere”_ **

**_“You should stay small and pathetic, like our stupid Shittymatsu”_ **

**_“Who could care about you? Look at you, so dumb and small. Saving a cat is your biggest accomplishment”_ **

The shadows were getting bigger, as well as the room. No, it was him who was getting smaller, so small it was impossible for him to escape the goo of melted roof, which felt like a melted candle against his skin. The shadows were spinning around him, so fast that the colours were mixing. He could see nothing besides the flashing rainbow that they created, which would’ve been pretty if he could not also see those red eyes looking straight at him, mouths wide open showing long fangs.

Karamatsu looked at himself. He had his blue rose right over his chest. It was bigger and shiny, so whenever those demons tried to close the circle to trap him inside of it, they screamed and went back. He could not help but raise his hand, caressing the beautiful flower blooming over him.

“What do you want?” Karamatsu screamed, trying to take a step forward. The black thing on the floor made things difficult, but he did his best and was able to keep moving “What do you want from me?! Leave me alone!”

**_“We will never leave”_ **

**_“You are stuck with us”_ **

**_“Stop trying to look cool”_ **

**_“Idiot”_ **

**_“Who are you?”_ **

Karamatsu kept moving towards the wall in the middle, as the shadows became slower. Every now and then they tried to reach him, to make the space smaller, but his flower glow pulled them apart. It was difficult moving in that place and the constant screams threatened to make him mad. The colours and the shadows, the goo and the lack of air, all the physical effort he was exerting, everything was so stressful that he almost gave up.

**_“You should stop living”_ **

**_“They  won't even notice. You’d be doing everybody a favor”_ **

**_“It’s too scary out there”_ **

**_“You can’t change. They won’t love you”_ **

“No!” Karamatsu screamed, covering his ears with his hands “That’s not true! My family loves me! They would notice, they… They care!”

**_“They are just pretending”_ **

**_“They feel pity of Shittymatsu”_ **

**_“Uselessmatsu”_ **

**_“Painfulmatsu”_ **

**_“Idiotmatsu”_ **

The air became thicker. The shadows suddenly left, so he was able to walk and look at the next wall. Blue, glittery, there were dark spots here and there. He could recognize his guitar, his mp3, CD’s and clothes. He recognized his running shoes and the animal cookies he ate at Dr. Hisoka’s office. His phone was there. Pictures of his family were there. His rose shone brightly as he remembered how he was bonding with his brothers, his mother happy smile whenever he helped with chores, Todomatsu and him looking at fashion magazines while Choromatsu watched anime nearby. Jyushi and him singing on the roof, Ichimatsu and him playing with the cat.

_“You were the better man”_

_“You are brave, I’m not”_

_“You must be a genius”_

_“Don’t listen to them, Karamatsu nii-san”_

_“.. better than me. But only on that!”_

Karamatsu took a deep breath, remembering. The voices could not hurt him,  not when he had his family’s support. He had a ton of good qualities, he could make it into the world. He was not crap, he was not useless. Karamatsu had now the chance to improve and become a better person, he had to if he wanted to grow and be able to move away and live his own life. There were things he wanted to do, places he wanted to see. He just had to work harder.

**_“Work will never get you anywhere”_ **

**_“Why trying? Only good looking and talented people get what they want”_ **

**_“It’s too scary”_ **

**_“Too dark”_ **

**_“It will consume you”_ **

Hopelessness was filling his chest again. The melted pieces of the roof fell near him, making a sticky, wet noise that irritated his stomach. Karamatsu wanted to puke. He wanted to scream and leave, but with every piece of roof that fell on the dark lake that was the floor, it became harder to move. The blackness slide over the walls, trying to cover everything that was on them. Afraid, he looked at the wall again and he saw something new:

A white beanie with black diamonds.

_“You are a hero to me, Karamatsu”_

He had his friend. There was someone out there who laughed with him, a person who could understand him and stand his painfulness. If there was just one person in this world who thought of him as a hero… Then he could make the effort and keep fighting. He might be lucky enough to find more people who would like him.

**_“You think you have a chance?”_ **

Karamatsu turned around, only to see all of his brothers shadows smiling wickedly at him. Their eyes, red as blood, melted at the same time they started to laugh. There was another wall behind them, the last wall, painted completely in red. It started glowing too, becoming brighter as the shadows laughed, fusing all together in a horrible mashup of limbs and faces. Karamatsu closed his eyes, screaming at the top of his lungs while he pressed his body against his blue wall. It was too red, too horrifying. When he finally open them up, the big mass of limbs were transforming into something else…

**_“You think you can stand against me?”_ **

He was seeing himself. The same face, the same blue hoodie and jeans, the same cool pose. His shades still covering the eyes that he did not wanted to see. The other Karamatsu walked towards him, the red wall shining so much it almost hurt.

**_“I will win. You won’t lock me up in here anymore”_ **

**_“We will be free”_ **

**_“We own you, Karamatsu”_ **

**_“You are nothing without us”_ **

**_“You need us”_ **

**_“You made us”_ **

**_“How will you endure your brothers without us?”_ **

**_“You want to live without us? How cruel”_ **

**_“You owe us”_ **

**_“We own you”_ **

The other Karamatsu was not talking, but the voices sounded right on his ears, like they could talk inside his head. He moved quickly over the gooey floor, like nothing could stop him, and Karamatsu had nowhere to run. So, in the end, they ended up being face to face, only a few inches separating each other.

 **_“You can’t win”_ ** that was the discordant voice again, a mixture of all the other voices **_“You’ll never win”_ **

“Leave me alone!”

**_“Who are you?”_ **

“I am Matsuno Karamatsu!”

 ** _“I am Matsuno Karamatsu!”_** The other self said, moving his lips finally, his face distorted with fury **_“And you left me here to rot!”_**

“This is a dream. It’s a dream. It’s just a dream”

 ** _“You can’t escape anymore”_** He reached to the rose in Karamatsu’s chest and grabbed it, only to scream in pain as he made a few steps back, his hand burning. The rose was shining, bright and beautiful, as well as the things and pictures attached to the blue wall **_“You think you can beat me? Don’t worry. We’ll do this as many times as we need to… I’ll win. Sooner or later. After all…”_**

The other Karamatsu smiled, walking backwards to the red wall. It was oozing a lot of red liquid, like spurts of blood,  contaminating everything it touched. He laughed, laughed in a potent voice that made Karamatsu’s knees tremble, weak, to the point he fell on the sticky ground. The red was everywhere, becoming one with the goo, with the liquid, and started staining him. Karamatsu himself was becoming red: His clothes, his skin, he looked at his sides and the other walls were becoming red too.

Desperate, he looked at the other Karamatsu, who stopped laughing. He took away his glasses, revealing his eyes at the same time that he let himself be engulfed by the red wall.

**“We have allies out there”**

His eyes were red.

And now, his hoodie was too.

  
  


“Nii-san, wake up!”

Karamatsu was screaming again, squirming in the futon. They all woke up when Todomatsu screamed first, because Karamatsu was hitting and kicking at his direction. As soon as they started to wake up, their brother started to scream like he was being hurt by someone, making strange faces and panting. Sometimes he opened his mouth or his eyes, but he did not seemed to be awake at all. He looked so… Afraid and terrified, like he was seeing something so disturbing that it was making him crazy.

When he started kicking hard and panting, Jyuushimatsu decided that was time to do something rash. He made an octopus hold to restrain him for a while at the same time that the rest of them tried to make him wake up.

“Leave him alone” Osomatsu said, he was worried for his brother, but also for the rest of them. They could get hurt “Maybe it's better if we let him go through it…”

“Well, maybe it is better if you dig your head up your ass and shut up!” Todomatsu groaned, throwing a pillow at him. The eldest scoffed, looking how everybody did his best to help Karamatsu, who was screaming now.

“We have to help him” Choromatsu said, putting a cold towel over his brother’s head “He could hurt himself”

“Nii-san, nii-san… Please, wake up… Wake up!” Jyuushi struggled with him, as he was getting stronger. Ichimatsu was fighting against Karamatsu’s feet, so he would stop kicking.

“Damn! How come he can be so strong? He’s asleep!”

Karamatsu screamed again, a final, pained scream. He suddenly opened his eyes, breathing heavily with his whole body covered in sweat. Panting, he relaxed for a moment, so his younger brothers let him go. Karamatsu was completely gone, he could not see where he was or who was with him. He was not even sure if he was asleep or awake, or if this was the reality. Everything was just sinking in, so he was not conscious at all when Ichimatsu bumped his shoulder.

“Geez, Idiotmatsu. You scared the shit out of…”

“LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Karamatsu jumped over his brother, unable to see the difference between his dreams and reality. He grabbed Ichimatsu by his PJ’s, shaking him violently. The doctor told them about this attacks, that it was something they would have to deal with sooner or later. Karamatsu was rising his arm, ready to beat the crap out of his younger brother and the rest tried their best to stop him. Ichimatsu knew it was not his fault, he could see it in his face. Karamatsu was not being himself, he was probably not completely awake, submerged in one of his scary dreams.

“Never call me that again”

“Nii-san… I’m sorry…” He said, trying to calm him down. But he was not listening.

“Never… Never…”

Todomatsu screamed, trying to put himself between his brothers.

“Karamatsu nii-san, please stop!”

Ichimatsu gasped, Karamatsu was holding him down from his neck now and he was getting scared, so he looked at the side and saw Osomatsu, looking at them. Was he scared too? What was he doing, standing there like an idiot?

“Do something!”

Osomatsu finally snapped, went to them with a steady peace and slapped Karamatsu in both cheeks a few times. That was not what he was expecting, as the doctor told them not to do things like that… But it seemed to work, as Karamatsu stopped and caressed his cheeks, looking at his sides completely confused.

“What…. Did something happened? Brothers? What are you doing?”

Ichimatsu wanted to make sure that it actually worked.

“You tried to hit me”

Karamatsu’s face became distorted with guilt and shame, he covered his face with both hands for a moment, trembling like a leaf on the wind.

“Oh my god! I am sorry! I am so, so sorry! Did I hurt you? Please tell me I did not hurt you! I… I…. I’ll take you to the hospital, right now. I’ll run with you on my back if I have to!”

That was _definitely_ Karamatsu. Everybody calmed down and relaxed, letting him go for a second before Todomatsu jumped over his older brother again and hugged him tightly.

“You idiot! You scared us so much… Are you okay? Were you dreaming?”

“I’m… I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, guys. I didn’t… I did not wanted to…”

Jyuushimatsu hugged him to, from the back, putting his arms around Karamatsu´s waist as Choromatsu caressed his shoulder.

“It’s alright, Karamatsu. We know you didn’t mean it. You were somewhere else” Choromatsu said, letting out a faint sigh before smiling “You are back now, that’s all that matters”

“Yeah…“ That was Ichimatsu, who grabbed his brother’s pijama by his arm “It is our fault. The doctor told us not to wake you up even if you are screaming and wait for you to react before approaching. We just… heard you scream and rushed everything. We should be sorry”

Karamatsu moved his head side to side, feeling so sad and so happy at the same time that he could not help but cry. He was sad and scared for his dream, for the disgusting things it made him feel, for being weak and unable to stop this madness that was now affecting his brothers. He had to be strong. He had to endure it, to protect the rest from his sickness. But he could not and not being able to do so made him feel impotent. But seeing his brothers at his side, doing their best to cheer him up and caring for his safety… When was the last time that they hugged him like that? Todomatsu and Jyuushi were even crying! Karamatsu hugged his brothers maybe a little too tightly.

“I am sorry! I… I try to be strong… I don’t want you to suffer because of me, I… feel so… pathetic… Worrying my younger brothers, I should be better than this!”

They were all crying like babies, hugging each other, all while Osomatsu looked at them. In the end, the oldest son crouched and patted Karamatsu’s head.

“Shut up, now. You are trying. Besides… It is not your fault”

_It was us who… It was me who…_

“Now, stop crying like that. It was just a bad morning, mmkay? Let's just clean ourselves up and have breakfast, we don’t want mom and dad to be suspicious, right?”

“Y-yeah” Karamatsu nodded, doing his best to stop the tears “Maybe… I should start sleeping somewhere else? It’s not fair that I keep waking you up with my screams”

Osomatsu clenched his teeth for a few seconds.

“No” he said quickly, his voice sounding a little too rash “That is not necessary, we’ve always sleep together like this. There’s no need to change that”

“But I could hurt you. I would not be able to live with myself if I hit you while sleeping”

“We’ll just have to be more careful. We don’t have to change. Besides, the couch will crush your back”

Choromatsu crossed his arms over his chest.

“Well… It could be a good idea. Maybe we could try for a few days… I mean, whenever you have these nightmares you feel threatened by everybody, so if you wake up alone…”

“Then you would have time to feel better on your own!” Jyuushi jumped, forgetting he had Karamatsu hold by his waist, so both of them ended up jumping on the futon.

“That’s not necessary” Osomatsu insisted.

They all started talking about it, wondering which was the best way to help Karamatsu with his sleeping problems, taking into account that his attacks were getting worse. Osomatsu tensed his back at the thought.

“Enough! I said it is not necessary! I am the oldest, so we do as I say, okay?”

His sudden scream made everybody stop in his tracks. They were planning how to make the couch comfortable, maybe all of them could save some money and buy one of those extendible beds, but Osomatsu’s yelling made them silent. They looked at Osomatsu, who was still tense, until he relaxed and smiled in that lazy way he always had, scratching his nose.

“C’mon now, guys! We are brothers! We can do this together, there’s no need to do all that stuff. we just have to be carefull next time. Besides, being all alone when you feel bad could be worse, right?”

Karamatsu did not know how to respond.

“Huh…. I guess…”

“Right! Now, stop roughhousing and let’s have breakfast. Unless you want me to join and kick everybody’s asses” he arched his brows, smirking like the idiot he was, and Choromatsu ended up throwing a pillow to his face before all the sextuplets got up and got ready for breakfast.

Karamatsu had a sudden flash of a red wall, but he shook it out of his head and dressed himself up, so he could have breakfast with the rest.

“Soo…” At the table, eating with everybody, Osomatsu was just as cheerful as always. He really could not stand the idea of Karamatsu sleeping somewhere else, away from them, but he  thought that maybe he went a little bit overboard, so he wanted to compensate for it by being as relaxed as always “Karamatsu! Want to go fishing with your big brother today, hm?”

“Ah” Karamatsu was eating too, but only a little. His stomach was still a little weak after that nightmare “ _My brother_! You want to spend time with your cool sibling! But… I was planning on working out and then I have to go to see Dr. Hisoka again”

“Aah? Again? Geez, how many times have you go see this guy?”

“Hm…” he drank some water, feeling down. Even though he liked his therapist and his sessions with him were good, he still felt very conscious about it. Being the only one in therapy made it hard “I have to go three times a week for… I don’t know for long, nii-san”

“Eeeh, that’s bad. Well, we can hang out later, when the doctor ends up fixing up your head”

Ichimatsu looked at all that display and ended up sending his cat, Suzu, to attack. The cat, even with his unsteady walk, went towards Osomatsu and scratched the shit out of him. The eldest son screamed and moved away, complaining about the pain to Ichimatsu so he would control his cat. But the rest were just looking at Karamatsu, who suddenly seemed to be sad.

Jyuushimatsu hugged him from behind.

“It’s alright, nii-san. You’ll be better soon”

“Ah… Thanks, Jyuushi. I am feeling better than before already, but… These dreams…”

“Don’t listen to them” The yellow one said, sliding over Karamatsu’s back until he ended up with his cheek right on his lower back and the rest of the body completely straight on the ground “They are bad”

“What… Are you talking about?”

“Your dreams. Don't listen to them, they lie to make you feel bad”

“Ah… I see” He was wondering if he wanted to know how his brother knew about his dreams, or not “Thanks, Jyuushi”

“Don’t listen to Osomatsu nii-san, either” Jyuushi added, now letting him go so he could sit next to his brother, putting more sausages and vegetables on his plate. Karamatsu needed to eat a little more “He does not realize he is mean”

“It’s alright, Jyuushimatsu. I know he does not do it on purpose, that’s just how he is” Karamatsu looked at his plate, suddenly filled with stuff. It seemed that his brother noticed his reluctance to eat so he decided to help him, in his way. As thanks, Karamatsu did his best to eat a little bit more.

“Nii-san” That was Choromatsu, leaning towards his older brother so only he could listen, taking advantage of the fact that Osomatsu was still busy crying to Ichimatsu because of Suzu’s attack. “If he makes you feel bad, you should say it. He will not stop unless you tell him”

“I told you, it’s fine. I know he does not mean it”

The brothers looked at each other while Karamatsu just laughed and shrugged it off. In the end, Osomatsu came back.

“So! How about fishing with onii-chan, eh? Then we can go to pachinko! Nothing will make you feel better than pachinko”

“Brother, I am really happy that you think of me to hang out, but I can’t today. I told you I have plans. Maybe tomorrow?”

“Plans? _You?_ ” The rest glared at him for the way he said that “What plans? Besides your shrink thing”

Karamatsu’s bright smile made Osomatsu’s stomach shrink. He was again glowing with that goofy, happy face of his.

_Oh no…_

“I’ll hang out with Yu today. We’ll go to the mall and then to the park. We’ll probably end up going to a music store or the arcade… Aah, I don’t know, I just like following Yu around. Oh, I should probably start making the bentos” Karamatsu got up immediately, after eating a few more things “Sorry brother, we can fish tomorrow!”

Osomatsu made a disgusted grunt before getting away from the table and look at the television. The siblings glared at him, before they just left him alone to do their own things. Jyuushimatsu looked back for a moment, staring at his eldest brother. He was going to let him be for a while, but if he kept being mean… Then they would have a little discussion. Jyuushi went to the kitchen and spied on Karamatsu, who was humming a song while cooking. He was smiling, colours coming back to his face and a new shine in his eyes.

Things were getting better, definitely. With the feeling that Karamatsu was going to have a good day, he decided to go change into his baseball uniform before going to practice. He did not have to worry.

At least for now.

 

 

  


“So, how are you feeling these days, Karamatsu?”

This time, going to Hisoka’s office was easier. He knew what to expect, so he felt relaxed the whole time until the doctor made him sit and started to ask questions. This time, there was no plate of cookies or toffee, instead he had chocolate truffles and sour candy.

“I have been better” he answered, being completely honest. He was drinking green tea and there was a nice melodic music, which helped him to feel at ease “I have been talking more to my brothers. Sometimes they make jokes, but they are pretty careful about what they say to me. It… Makes me feel weak, somehow. But I have to learn how to cope with it, right? Not letting them vent their issues on me”

“That is right. It is difficult to go out of a situation that was so common to us that we became used to it. People sometimes feel that they are losing something, that anything different of what they have been living it’s odd, even when they know that their situation was not good at all. So, whatever you may be feeling, it’s okay. A lot of people goes through that, too”

“Y-yes. It is weird, now they are treating me better, just like I have always wanted. But not having to endure their violence makes me feel like I was not tough enough, like I am being a coward. Dear god, it sounds so stupid saying it out loud!”

“Don’t contain yourself. Everything you are feeling is part of this process. Don’t be sorry for any of your feelings… Just try to face them and internalize them, but never deny it or minimize them. Your feelings are important”

“Yeah” he drank a bit of tea, breathing like the doctor told him to. It was an exercise that he normally did before sleeping and after sleeping, he had to sit in the lotus position, his back straight, he had to breath in from his nose for four or five seconds, directing it to his abdomen instead of his chest, then he had to hold it in for five seconds and breath it out, slowly.  He had to repeat that process four times.

Only after that he could do the next exercise, which consisted in doing exactly the same except that, instead of directing the air towards his stomach, he had to direct it towards his chest. Then, he had to do another exercise. That was the most difficult to do, and sometimes it caused him dizziness, but it actually helped him to relax completely before going to bed: He had to breath in counting to five, keep the air in his stomach for five seconds, then breath more and direct it to the middle area of his lungs and keep it in for five more seconds. Then he had to breath it all out, as slowly as he could.

When he was alone, it was kind of scary doing those exercises because his body felt completely relaxed, to the point that it was difficult to walk. That’s why Jyuushimatsu or Ichimatsu started to stay by his side and accompany him during his breathing sessions, so they could help him to bed when he was finished. Sometimes, they gave him a bit of water to help him when he got dizzy.

This time, those exercises were helping him to feel at ease talking about things that made him feel anxious and insecure.

“I have been sleeping quite well lately” Karamatsu said, drinking a bit more. He stopped his breathing session for a while, not wanting to feel dizzy during his time with Dr. Hisoka “Breathing helps a lot. But I still have these dreams every now and then. Sometimes I can’t remember at all, sometimes I remember and I end up throwing up. Sometimes… I just have flashes of it and… Today…”

“Keep going, Karamatsu”

“I had one of those midnight terrors and I was unable to see the difference between… I.. Attacked one of my brothers, the rest had to hold me down. I don’t remember at all”

“It is not your fault, Karamatsu. You are a good guy, you would never hurt your brothers”

“I know, but…”

Hisoka leaned a little in his couch, putting his elbows over his knees and resting his chin over his crossed hands.

“You were dreaming. Sometimes, midnight terrors affect you to the point that you still fight against your dreams even when you should be awake. They probably saw you moving and screaming and tried to wake you up… Which is not a good decision in that state. You were fighting against something that was hurting you, not against your brothers”

“I know”

“You would never hurt them. You know why?”

Karamatsu frowned and straightened himself up.

“Because I love them. And I am a good brother”

“Exactly. You are just going through a bad time and they have to support you as much as you support them. Now… Tell me about this dream”

And he did, he told them at least what he could remember. The voices, the shadows, the goo falling from above, he being cornered against  a wall and this other person smiling at him while everything was becoming red. It was a horrible dream, he was sure of it, but he had a lot of trouble to remember it.

“Indeed, it sounds disturbing” the Doctor said, taking notes “What does this suggest to you?”

“I am not sure, I am not a doctor” He answered, crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive way. Hisoka arched his brows, smiling behinds his notebook.

“C’mon, think of it as an exercise! I know you are smarter than that”

“Well… There is… There's these people, who look like my brothers but they are not my brothers. They… are mean”

“They say things that hurt you. You’ve talked about them to me before. Are you afraid of them? Of the things they say?”

Karamatsu sighed, feeling himself being swallowed by his comfortable couch.

“Yes. It makes me feel small”

“And why is that?”

“They say things that my brothers have told me for years. Sometimes they don’t do that, no.. They say… Well, things that my brothers have never said in my face but I’ve always believed they thought that”

“You think that they think that you are useless?” Karamatsu nodded. Those voices always said stuff so hurtful that it made it hard try to speak about it “Maybe these voices represent your inner fears. You’ve been bullied for a long time and you are depressed. That is not a good combination… Your mind is playing tricks on you”

“Shouldn’t my mind try to get better instead of scare me?”

“It does. That’s why you cannot remember everything and that’s why you have been repressing your feelings. It was the only way your mind had to protect your psyche. But your psyche, you deepest thoughts and feelings, still want to go out because they are being repressed over and over again. To fulfill these need to be free, they need to find another way”

Karamatsu understood immediately. It was nice that his doctor did not spoke in the complicated way that shrinks on TV seemed to do all the time. Normally, psychologists spent a lot of time talking about Freud, blocked wishes, but Hisoka expressed it in a simpler way so he was able to grasp it quickly.

“So… My head hides everything that will hurt me. But those things are part of my head… so they want to come out… But they can’t” he said, doing his best to explain what he understood in his own way “So they push, and push… And when my mind it’s not completely awake trying to repress those things, they go out as these… nightmares?”

“In a sense, yes. You have to understand, these blocked fears and feelings of you want to come out. You have been pretending and using a mask for so long, alienating yourself from your true feelings, that these nightmares were the only way they found to express themselves and be free. They have to be free, at least every now and then, because they are a part of you. But you have to  learn how to deal with that”

“I guess… So… I am sabotaging myself? That does sounds like me”

“Don't’ say that, you need time and high spirits. C’mon, talk to me some more”

He talked about his fears. He did not wanted to become a failure, to be pathetic and small. He wanted to become someone respectful, a proper person with a job and, maybe, a family someday. He still had this desire to being recognized and looked at… Which maybe could be the reason why he always was wearing flashy outfits. He told the doctor about feeling shallow and simple, being like he was, and that he wanted to change to become better but it was actually difficult. Sometimes he had trouble trying to figure out who was the real Karamatsu. The one he was now? The cool guy? The shy guy? He did not know and not knowing scared him.

Karamatsu also talked more about his dreams, especially that one with the blue roses, the vines and this other Karamatsu who was scary as hell. He spent a lot of time talking, his doctor sometimes asked questions that made him think too much about things that he did not want to think about.

“You have to think about it. Remember, repressing is harming you”

“I know, but it’s hard”

“It’s alright!” Hisoka always smiled and poured more tea in his cup “You just need time. Don’t worry, Rome was not built in eight days. Here, have some truffles” Hisoka adjusted himself in his couch, changing positions “Now, in your dreams there is a lot of color, but it’s the first time you talk about everything being red. What does red represent for you?”

“Red? Hum… Roses. I like roses, they are the flowers of love”

“Go on”

“Wine. I like wine, cool dudes drink wine. Oh, and Osomatsu, too!”

Hisoka arched again his brows, asking about Osomatsu. Karamatsu of course talked about his brother, especially about the good old days when he was his second in command. Told him about his adventures and misadventures, the times that Osomatsu bullied him. He was still a little angry at his older brother, mainly because even though Osomatsu did not take part in most of the bullying… He did nothing to stop it.  And he never did anything to show him that he cared. Karamatsu even talked about that time when Choromatsu got a job and they all tried to move away, the way that Osomatsu  reacted to the sudden news.

“It seems that your brother does not like the idea of you leaving”

Karamatsu shrugged.

“Yes. Today he even made a fuss  when the others suggested that I sleep somewhere else. They didn’t mean it in a bad way, they thought it would help me, by not waking up surrounded by people, but Osomatsu likes it better when things are kept ‘like always’”

“You know, a lot of things will start to change even by just doing therapy.  Some day you will have to separate but that does not mean you’ll stop being as united as you are.  Karamatsu, your objective with your treatment is finding who you are and what you feel as an individual, a human being separated from his brothers, so you can live your life at it’s fullest. So… For a while… You’ll have to be egocentric ”

“Excuse me?”

He did not wanted to be egocentric . He wanted to be happy with his brothers, all together as a big family without giving pain to any of them. The doctor just smiled a bit.

“Not in a bad way. What I want to say is… That you need to give your brothers _their_ space, so you can have your _own_ space. You can use that time to learn about yourself. Maybe find a new hobby, things that you thought that you couldn’t do that you can actually do. A new activity, new friends. You don’t have to be separated from your brothers completely” Hisoka added as soon as he saw his patient ready to reply “You can hang out with them, of course. As you always do. But try to tell them about your hobbies, make them do what you want to do instead of just following them around. You can find these new things with them by your side, too. Take it as an adventure!”

 _An adventure…_ Karamatsu did not know what to think about it. For months, the only thing he felt was just despair and loneliness, but now he was given the chance to go out into the world and explore it, to find new exciting stuff. He did wanted to go out and find new people, new places. He wanted to see and do so many things… It all started with music, texts messages and books, but now just that was not enough. He needed to do more, to be more than what he was now. He knew that he had to try and live his own life in order to do it, that he would probably have to leave his brothers sooner or later and let himself  being dragged away by the current that made the world spin.

But he was also scared to fail.

He closed his eyes again, breathing one more time.

  
  


 

“Karamatsu!”

He turned around. After his session with Dr. Hisoka, he barely had enough time to change his clothes, retrieve his handmade bentos and grab his guitar case. He was now waiting near a shopping mall, but he did not had to wait too much before his friend came.  He smiled as soon as he saw Yuki’s big smile, his hand waving energetically at him as he fought to keep his leather bag over one of his shoulder while running towards him.

Again, Yu was using boy’s clothes. He was wearing straight blue jeans, a long grey tank top with a orange tartan shirt on top of it, plus a nice pair of glasses and a big pastel orange beanie. Karamatsu did not mind, in fact, they looked good on Yuki and he had to recognize that his friend had a good taste in fashion. But Karamatsu was wondering if he would be able to see Yuki in a dress someday.

They still had time for that, though.

“Yu! My dear friend!” Karamatsu exclaimed, as Yuki ran towards him and stopped one step away, panting from all that running “You look good today”

“T-thanks! Did I made you wait too long?” Yuki was still looking at the floor, his hands on his knees “Goodness, I fell asleep on the bus and when I woke up I did not recognized the streets. I ended up getting off like six blocks before”

“Geez, are you having a hard time sleeping?”

“I’m a young adult in college with two part-time jobs, I don’t remember what sleeping is” he said, laughing, until Yuki finally got up and looked at Karamatsu, his expression changing immediately “Oh my god! What happened to you?”

“Me? Nothing. Is something wrong?”

“What _the heck_ are you wearing?”

Those words made the soil tremble under his feet. He decided to use his “perfect fashion” because Yuki told him a thousand times that he loved it, but now he seemed like that was not true. Just thinking that he was being despised, maybe ridiculized, made his heart ache.

“It’s… My perfect fashion” his voice barely made it out of his lips.

“Well, that can’t be your perfect fashion” Yuki said, hands on his hips, and Karamatsu felt the need to throw himself into the street so a car could run over him “It’s too small for you”

The words came, the engines of his brain worked and after a few seconds he was able to process them.

“What?”

“Too small. Look” Yuki closed the distance between them, grabbing his jacket by his hems “See? It’s not supposed to fit like that, this size it's not for you. The tank top… It does not combine, but the problem is that is too long, it makes you look short. You need something tight so you can show your Karamatsu Girls your amazing pecs!” Yuki was smiling, his voice sounded like he was singing and having a lot of fun just by rearranging Karamatsu’s clothes “And those jeans… Darling, what were you thinking? Oh god, it pains me”

“W-what’s wrong with my jeans?”

“Well, that they don’t fit you properly! Too baggy in the front and…” he made Karamatsu turn around “Completely plain on the back. It looks like I could iron my clothes on your backside. And I can barely see the shape of your legs, it makes you look like… Like… Spongebob Squarepants. No, no, no, sweetie, we have to fix that. No friend of mine is going to walk around with a small jacket and jeans that make their ass disappear”

Karamatsu couldn’t even be ashamed of the fact that his friend was checking out his butt. He was astonished, Yuki was telling him about the difference between sizes for leather jackets and he was there, blinking, not believing that his friend actually liked his perfect fashion. He thought that his friend despised his clothes, that he was going to make fun of him for using that kind of stuff. But he did all the contrary.

“So… You don’t think it’s painful?” He _had_ to ask, he had to make sure so the uneasiness in his chest could go away.

Yuki snickered.

“Honey, the only painful thing in here is the size of that jacket. How can you even move on that it's a mystery to me but… I like your clothes. Motorbike bad boy, yeah!”

Karamatsu tried his best to not cry, but he did not had the chance because Yuki held him by his arm.

“C’mon, we have to fix this. To the mall!” he exclaimed, lifting his fist in the direction of the shopping mall “We’ll find something good in there. A nice jacket in the right size, a good tank top and jeans that will make all the Karamatsu Babes lose their panties”

“But if I spend too much I won’t have anything for this Friday”

“Don’t worry, Friday is on me. C’mon Karaboy, _this is an emergency_!”

And, with that, his friend dragged him to the shopping mall, store after store. Even when it was a fun activity that he actually enjoyed, it was kind of exhausting going to almost every store of the mall because Yu kept finding flaws on the jackets and, for some reason, the jeans were not ‘that good for the price they asked’. Karamatsu looked at the jeans and he thought they were nice and he could not find the ‘flaws’ in the jackets, at least until Yu laughed at his confused face and showed them to him, teaching him.

“See?” Yu said, showing Karamatsu the jacket from side to side “This hems are wrong and this is not real leather. Touch it, close your eyes. Try to feel it. It does not feel like your actual jacket, right?”

“Well… No, it doesn’t. It feels kind of soft, soggy and thick” He answered, touching the piece of fabric even when the store clerk was glaring at them “This is not leather? Then, what is it?”

“It doesn’t even smell like leather! And it’s poorly made. Jackets, shoes and bags are the most tricky ítems, so you have to buy the best quality. And the most expensive ones. But, sometimes, even expensive stores give people this crappy stuff and scam them, making them believe they are buying actual leather when they are just buying synthetic stuff. This thing not only has tons of flaws, it’s also just a synthetic leather jacket made by a blind man. It’s not worth its price”

“Wow…”

He would’ve bought the damned thing without even thinking twice, because even when he considered himself a fashion expert and spent a lot of his time reading fashion magazines, there were a lot of little tricks and secrets he did not know. It was a good thing having someone who knew about them, so he would not spend a lot of money on a fake jacket.

“See? And you can’t just afford buying it hoping it’s not a fake or hoping it's wellmade. It has to be the very best ‘cause this shit is expensive. I am not going to spend half of my salary on something that it's going to break in a month, it has to last ‘til the day I fricken die. I have to be buried with this thing if it is going to cost me that much”

“Wow. That would be a cool funeral. You, in your finest leather jacket, shoes and bags, while everybody is crying for your loss”

“Nobody will cry” Yu said, leaving the jacket on its hanger “One of my friends will dress as the Grim Reaper, he’ll be the DJ.  And there will be an open bar. And firecrackers. And my favourite song will resonate in the whole place while everybody dances to it”

Karamatsu could not help but laugh, imagining the entire situation. The people dancing, the Grim Reaper as a DJ, everybody with a drink in their hands.

“That’s hilarious” they came out of that store and went to another shopping window. Yu was staring at the clothes on sale with searching eyes, looking for flaws, for fakes, checking if it was worth it to pay that much money for those clothes “Why do you want your funeral to be like a party?”

“I like to think that death it’s just the beginning of something new. As soon as we die, we are born again” Yu said, nodding satisfied with all the ítems behind the window. He took Karamatsu’s hand and made him go into the shop, going straight to the leather jackets. Yu took two of different sizes, measuring their sizes against Karamatsu’s chest. He did not move, letting his friend be “Even if it is not like that, I don’t want my friends to be sad because I’m dead. I like to live every day to the fullest and do what I want to do so, when I am gone, I can leave this world with no worries. That’s why in my funeral I want my friends to party hard in my honor. After all, I left living the way I wanted to live”

Yu kept a normal expression, smiling lightly while testing the jackets over Karamatsu’s chest. The blue NEET, on the other hand, was completely perplexed. He had never heard someone in his life talking about how they wanted their funeral to be but the best part was hearing a young person saying that they wanted to live their life to the fullest, so the ones who are left behind when they die have a reason to party and be happy. It was… Actually, it was something kind of lovely and deep at the same time.

He had never thought about it, as he was just regaining control of his own life and his feelings, but being struck with such a tremendous reasoning made him realize he made the right choice. Even if it was difficult and it was kind of problematic for his brothers, he had to live his life to the fullest. He did not wanted to die without being able to find himself and being able to do what he wanted to do.

Having a party as a funeral was indeed a good way to leave the world.

“Ah!” Karamatsu jolted, and looked down. Yuki was holding a new black jacket against his chest, measuring it “Good length. See? The side hems have to be right on your sides, under your armpits. And the shoulders should be… here” Yuki said, showing Karamatsu the right way to measure his clothes. He did his best to remember that for future use “Why don’t you try this one?”

“But… It doesn’t have a skull on the back” Karamatsu complained. The jacket looked neat, but the lack of skulls made it too plain for him. Yu shrugged.

“I’ll add it to it for you. We can buy a skull patch in any decent haberdashery. A skull with flames, too! How about that?”

“The flames thing does not convince me”

“What about roses, then? Big red roses, blooming from the skull”

“That… That is awesome. Can you really do that?” Yuki gave him the thumbs up, and he almost ran to the dressing room. He took off his first jacket, leaving it to the side while he put on the new one.

The leather was black and shiny, it had this marvelous strong smell that leather always had. It felt soft in his fingertips, but a little heavy over his body. Karamatsu was amazed when he saw that the new jacket fit perfectly. Now he could realize the lack of movement he had with the previous one, how it was pressing against his body in an uncomfortable way. How was it possible that he did not notice it before? He could move his arms, his neck, his core, everything was completely freely while being covered.

Karamatsu took his old jacket, looking at it for a moment. He always thought that he would feel like losing an old friend when he had to get rid of that jacket, as that thing had been with him for a long time. It was part of him, he had a lot of adventures with that old piece of leather. But he was not feeling like that at all.

_… It’s just the beginning of something new_

He moved again. He felt lighter. Karamatsu took a deep breath, and got out of the fitting room only to see his friend with a tank top in one hand and a lot of jeans over his other arm, smiling widely.

“We have _not_ finished here, Darling”

The white tank top fit perfectly, even if it was a little tighter than what he normally used. The jeans were another story. Karamatsu felt embarrassed as his friend measured the jeans against his body, checking the sizes one after the other, all in front of the other clients and the shop clerks. Yu had no shame at all, especially when he finally decided on a few jeans and made Karamatsu try them on. Whenever he came out of the dressing room, Yu asked him to turn around so he could see if the jeans ‘did justice to his body’.

The first three pants were completely rejected, but the last one made Yu and the shop clerk beside her open their eyes as wide as they could. Yu looked at him up and down, before whistling.

“Damn! This is beautiful, Karaboy. Those jeans are perfect, they fit like a glove”

He was completely red, as Yuki was inspecting his whole body.

“You think? This is not the kind of jeans I always use… And they are a bit dark”

“It looks good on you. The older ones were too clear, it did not combined at all with your lovely jacket. Oh, here are your shoes, your sunglasses and your skull belt” Karamatsu started to put again the rest of his clothes and accessories “Besides, those jeans are elastic so you won't have any trouble moving. Come, look at yourself”

Karamatsu stopped moving. He was sitting on a bench, putting on his shoes, looking at his feet while he had a flash of his dreams. This other Karamatsu was there, smiling wickedly at him, getting soaked in red blood, telling him that he was going to ‘take his place’. Karamatsu swallowed, afraid to look at the mirror. What if the person he saw there was not himself, but this other Karamatsu? He looked up to say to Yu that he did not wanted to look at his reflection, but Yu had this excited look on his face. His eyes were shining, his smile was bright and dashing, he seemed to be jumping a little bit from excitement.

There was no way he could say no, so he breathed in and got up. Yu took him by his hand, dragging him to the mirror. Karamatsu closed his eyes behind his shades.

“Look, look! Look at yourself”

Without noticing it, Karamatsu squeezed Yuki’s hand a bit. He was scared of the mirror, so scared that he has not used his old hand mirror for weeks. Whenever he was in the bedroom, he had to cover the full body mirror so he could stop feeling uneasy. But Yuki’s warmth invaded him, going from his hand right to the center of his chest. He could even feel Yuki’s perfume, as his friend was pressing his body against his side. Yuki really seemed to be excited about this new perfect fashion and he worked so hard, trying things, going to every store.

Karamatsu knew that Yuki could have just let him buy the fake leather jacket and be done with it, but Yuki appraised every store so he could buy the best clothes. He _had_ to to look and see his new self. Slowly but surely, Karamatsu opened his eyes…

And what he looked left him in awe.

It was him. Just him. He was wearing a cool leather jacket that suited him perfectly, the jeans were a little darker but the new pair kept the shape of his legs and his thighs. The color made it look even better than before and the tank top… It was the first time that Karamatsu was able to see, to really see, the fruits of all that running and training. So that was what Todomatsu always saw in him, this ‘new figure’ that he always talked about. Karamatsu was looking at himself, seeing all these changes, the way those new clothes made them more obvious and how well they fit him

That was Karamatsu Matsuno in the mirror, looking fabulous in his new clothes. He felt invigorated, looking at his reflection, a new warmth growing inside his chest as he looked at himself and felt good. He felt fantastic, he felt amazing, he felt like he could run from Osaka to Tokyo in a single afternoon and then conquer the world.

Karamatsu could not help but smile, feeling Yuki leaning on his side. They were the same height, so their heads were touching, Yuki’s violet hair locks combined with Karamatsu’s own black hair.

“You like what you see, Karaboy?” Yuki asked, smiling at him through the mirror. Karamatsu’s smile became even wider.

“Heck yes. These clothes are amazing! It’s my perfect fashion, but better”

“Yep. Say hello to your new apparel. Your perfect fashion 2.0!”

“You know… Whenever my brothers try to change my clothes and make me use something different it makes me feel like I am putting on somebody else’s suit. This feels like myself. Does that sound weird?”

“Should it be weird? Dude, I totally get it. I mean, these clothes are a part of yourself, right? They make you feel comfortable, they make you feel you. I can relate to that”

“Yes. You can” Karamatsu smiled once again, squeezing Yu’s hand again before looking at himself a little more, letting his friend go. He turned around, he basked in his own beauty and it felt amazing “I haven’t felt this good in some time. Let’s pay and go eat something”

“Sure. Oh, by the way, what will you do with your old jacket? If nobody wants it, can I have it? I wanna wear it”

“Really?” He looked at it, thinking in all those times his brother laughed at his clothes. He used to believe that Ichimatsu and Osomatsu liked his jacket, but when he got them one, Ichimatsu ripped it apart and Osomatsu used it for a few hours before selling it for money. Leaving his old precious jacket with them would be a waste “Why do you want it?”

“I like leather and it has a skull on it. I like skulls”

Karamatsu looked at the jacket, then at his friend, and then to the jacket again.

“Yeah, sure. It makes me feel better, knowing it’s in good hands” He gave it to his friend, laughing when he saw Yuki’s excited face, glistening with happiness “My brothers can’t understand how cool my jacket is anyway”

“Yay! Skull jacket for meee!”

His friend did a cute little dance, making him laugh. After talking to him about the advantages of his new perfect fashion and the different kinds of clothes he could combine with every ítem, Yu spanked him in the ass and sent him to the cash register to pay for his stuff. Karamatsu was red and a little stiff from the surprise spanking, but he was actually pretty happy with the whole situation. Even with his weird ways of moving his hands whenever he talked, the constant teasing about his “lovely butt” and all the cursing, Yuki was indeed a nice person to hang out with. Karamatsu felt his own cheeks hurting from smiling so many times, as Yuki’s acceptance made him feel at peace and in control of himself, like he had never had any insecurity or depression.

And of course, his friend’s own weirdness was so hilarious that he ended up laughing throughout the whole day.

They went to the park and had a picnic, eating Karamatsu’s bentous. Yuki praised him for his cooking skills, complaining about his own lack of it. Karamatsu almost choked himself when Yuki told him about the time when he tried to make spaghetti at his one of his friend’s house and he almost ended up burning the house down.

“Really?!”

“Yes! And now I can’t be ten feet near my friend’s house or her parents will call the cops”

“Dear god!”

Yu’s stories were definitely the best. After lunch Karamatsu took out his guitar and started playing, all while Yuki laid on the grass listening to him. It was nice, singing with somebody who was just listening carefully… Or that’s what he thought, until Yuki started singing too, following the music of his guitar with his feminine voice as he did not knew the lyrics. It was a good voice, clear, and it was obvious that he knew how to sing as he was able to go from high tunes to low tunes and vice versa. Though his voice sounded feminine, a little bit shrill but potent.

“Woah… You have a lovely voice. But it sounds so feminine it confuses me”

Yuki laughed.

“I am biologically a female, Karamatsu”

“Yes but… When we talk, you deepen it and make it sound like a guy’s voice. How do you do that?”

Yuki moved, getting sideways on the floor.

“I was in my school chorus for years. Even when I came here, I kept singing. I left it because my father wanted me to go to competitions and became very… Mad if I did not win. So I stopped”

“That’s a shame. Singing should be fun” he said, still playing his guitar without even looking.

“I know. I left it, but I kept doing all  the muscle and vocal exercises to keep my voice. Sometimes I look at internet tutorials to get better, but it is just a hobby. I don’t wanna sing in a professional way”

“It’s still a shame, because your voice sounds beautiful. I mean, I like it even when you deepen it to sound like a guy. We should make a duet sometime”

“Sure sweetie, whenever you want. Now, are you going to finish that song or not?”

Karamatsu chuckled and he started singing again.  When he finished singing, Yuki took out from his bag a red laptop and sat right next to him, so both of them had a good view of the screen. He showed him music videos, dancing videos, guitar tutorials even and, then, the first chapter of a comedy series. They also watched anime for a while, until the sky became orange.

“Huh, is it that late already?” Yuki complained, closing his laptop “Maan… I wanted to hang out a little more”

“Well, they do say that time flies when you are having fun”

“That’s true. Next time, I will be the one who brings homemade food, okay? Do you like chocolate cookies?”

“Yuki, it’s not necessary…”

“ **Do you like the frickin cookies or not?** ” Yuki said, with a threatening voice. Karamatsu had the feeling it was not a good idea to refuse.

“Yes, I like them. I like them very much!”

“Alright! Then chocolate cookies it  is! You’ll love them. I may burn everything else, but nobody can beat me when I bake something. Talking about food it’s making me hungry, though. Want to grab something to eat before going home?”

They grabbed their things, cleaned everything and kept talking at the same time they walked towards the nearest convenience store. Yuki became crazy, buying everything he could: Ramen cups for the night, melon pan, some sodas, pocari,  a few packages of taiyaki with different fillings and some donuts. Karamatsu did the same, but he did not buy as much as his friend… He just bought a few donuts for his brothers and two anpans for him, as he wanted something more filling. Yuki came out of the store with a big bag filled with things and eating already a stick with dango balls, while Karamatsu just had an average bag.

“Wow, you sure bought a lot”

“I like snacks. Besides, they had these ramen cups with new flavours I have never tasted before, so I wanted to try them out”

“It is okay for you to spend that much money?” he asked, a little bit worried.

“Aw, don’t worry. I did not spend that much and I’ve had a lot of photo shoots, so I’ll be paid handsomely. I was given a raise too, because I’ve been working nonstop at the café, so I’ll be fine. Luckily, I did not had to spend too much this month”

“Well, I am glad you are covered on that, but you should eat healthier foods. That much candy will ruin your teeth”

“Awww, you are worried? That’s so adorable. Don't worry, I do a lot of excersize and eat healthy when I am at home. I only eat ramen cups on Fridays, the rest of the days I have dinner with Mikuru-ne. She wants to make sure I give my body the nutrients it needs…” Yuki rolled his eyes “She also said something about me probably burning the house down if I tried to make anything besides soup”

“If you want, I can teach you how to cook. I am not an expert, but I’ve been learning… And you can teach me how to bake a cake! I would like to make one for my brothers on our birthday”

“Ohhhh, yes! That’s excellent! We can start next week! You can come to my house, then I’ll go to yours. It’ll be awesomeeeee”

Karamatsu loved it when Yuki became that excited, because he always forgot to deepen his voice and talked in a very sweet way, extending the length of the words with a high pitch voice. It was kind of cute, it made him remember when Todomatsu was younger and wanted their father to play with him. On the other hand, Karamatsu had the sudden realization that he was going to be in Yu’s house next week and that Yu wanted to go to his house for his cooking lessons.

His house. Where his brothers lived. His five virgin, desperate brothers who would practically jump on Yuki as soon as they realized he was actually a girl.

_Fuuuuuck._

“S-sure, that’d be swell. Just… When you come to my home, wear something comfortable. I mean, sweatpants or jeans, things like that. You don’t want to get your nice clothes dirty, right? Besides, if my brothers are there, they’ll probably want to play a prank on us and it always ends with someone getting dirty”

It was a lame excuse, but Karamatsu could not just tell his friend to pretend that he was a boy just because he was afraid that his brothers may try to flirt with him. And “flirt” was just a nice way to put it. Besides, he knew that Yu’s dressing choices depended on how he was feeling that day so, if Yu went to his house for the first time and he was feeling more girly, he would end up using a dress anyway. It was a difficult situation for Karamatsu. But Yuki just shrugged.

“Sure, Knowing me, I’ll end up getting dirty anyway. Though… Using the binder for that long it’s going to be difficult” Karamatsu blinked a few times, completely dumbfounded, and Yuki signaled his chest “You know? A binder? To hide my boobs? Like the ones that are completely flat right now?”

“Wha…?” he glanced just for a second at his friend’s chest, remembering that he actually had breasts and he had forgotten about it “Oh god! S-sorry… Yeah, I remember now. You weren’t hiding them last time”

“Nope”

“And now it's… It is flat. How… How do you…?” he felt so ashamed for asking such a thing that Karamatsu turned his back to Yu, covering his face with his hands “Oh god, what I am saying…”

“I don’t mind, it’s normal to be curious. And, as I said before, I am using a binder. One of my friends is transgender, so he teach me about them”

Slowly,  but still ashamed, Karamatsu turned around and came closer to Yuki.

“Does it… Does it hurt?”

Yu nodded, lifting a little his tank top so Karamatsu could see. He was wearing a contraption that surrounded his entire chest, but Karamatsu could only see a part of it. It seemed to be made with an elastic fabric in a neutral color, it was tight, and had some velcro on the left side.

“Only if I use it too much or if is too tight. I also can’t use it all day, as it can weaken my lungs and give me pneumonia, damages on my skin or even break one of my ribs If I don’t use it correctly. This one is handmade with elastic cotton, so it can breath and I don’t end up too hot during summer. It’s difficult to put it on by yourself, so I stitched velcro to its sides”

“It… does not seems comfortable”

“It isn’t at first” Yuki answered, laughing while he covered himself again “You have to read a lot and watch tutorials to know how to use it properly. Once you get used to it, and learn how to use it without harming yourself, then it’s easier. It is not that different from wearing a corset and I use corsets already, so it’s not a big issue”

“Wow… But, why? If it’s dangerous, then…”

Yuki shook his head, lifting his hand so he could mess with Karamatsu’s hair.

“Because it makes me feel comfortable. You are a guy, right? How would you feel if one day you woke up having breasts?”

Karamatsu thought about it. His inner virgin would probably be overjoyed, playing with those boobs until he got tired of it, but then he would realize in the situation he was in and he would feel… Awkward. Wrong. Not because there was something wrong with breasts or females, but he did not feel like a woman, so having womanly physical traits would not be that cool.

“I guess I would not be okay with it”

“After playing with them for two hours, right?”

“Yuki!!!”

Yu laughed at his friend’s ashamed face, the two of them already walking to the nearest bus stop.

“Sorry, sorry. But yeah, that’s how I feel when I am in a manly day and I have to deal with my breasts. But I really like them actually, so I make sure that they are comfortable even when binding. But if I go to your house.. Mh, well, as long as I don’t use it for more than eight hours straight there’s no problem, so it will be alright”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry” Yuki finished his dango stick and took another from a package in his enormous shopping bag “Want some?”

Karamatsu was about to accept the offer, when he heard a sequence of loud steps and then somebody fell over his back.

“Niiiiiii-saaaaaaaaan!! I found you!”

That was Jyuushimatsu. He had been practicing baseball all day, so he was dirty and sweaty, and ready to go home. He was heading to his house and had the curious feeling that he had to take a shortcut using a different path. Jyuushi never thought that he would find his older brothers, but as soon as he saw Karamatsu from the distance he could not help but run towards him at high speed and launch himself on his back. Karamatsu was barely standing up after the impact, holding Jyuushimatsu’s whole weight. But the younger one didn’t notice, too busy hugging his brother until he saw the other figure in front of him.

“Oh? Nii-san, are you with someone? Who is this person?”

“J-jyuushi…” Karamatsu needed a lot of strength to stand his brother’s weight on him, but that did not stopped him from worrying like a madman because now one of his brothers was finally meeting Yuki. He would’ve wanted to postpone that moment as long as he could, but there was no way out of this situation without hurting his younger brother’s feelings and he did not want that “I can’t breath”

“Sorry!” Jyuushi laughed, letting go. He was still looking at the other person, staring at them from head to toe. He concentrated on that person’s face, hair and chest for a second “I was so happy to see you that I couldn’t help myself!”

“Yeah, I know” He could not be mad to his adorable little brother “Have you been training all day? Look at you, you are covered in dirt. Wait, I think I have something….” Karamatsu searched inside his bag and took out a donut “Here, eat something, you must be hungry”

“Yay, thanks!” Jyuushimatsu practically swallowed his donut in the blink of an eye, looking at his brother and the other person, who was smiling “Nii-san, what happened to your clothes?”

“They were small and uncool” Yuki said, talking for the first time since Jyuushimatsu arrived “So we went to the mall and got new, cooler ones. What do you think? They suit him, right?”

Jyuushimatsu laughed, nodding.

“Yes, it’s his perfect fashion!”

“Version 2.0!” Yuki said, putting his fists on his hips and puffing his chest in a victorious pose “See, Karamatsu? I told you they suited you. Full biker dude mode”

“I know, I know. I like my new clothes” Karamatsu moved to the said, making a soft movement with his arm towards Yu “My dearest brother, this is my friend Yuki. We have been hanging out the whole day, I was just about to accompany him to the bus stop”

“Ohhh…. _He_ is Yuki? Yu?” Jyuushimatsu made his serious face for a moment, processing that information before laughing again and bowed to his brother’s friend “It is so nice to meet you! I am Jyuushimatsu. Thank you for taking care of my brother”

Yuki laughed, an honest and happy laughter. Karamatsu could not help to think that Yu actually laughed a lot, just like Jyuushi.

“The pleasure is all mine!” he said,  bowing too, before giving his hand to Jyuushi so they could shake them “And I don’t take care of him, sometimes I feel like he is the one taking care of me. Isn’t that right, Karamatsu momma?”

“W-why do you say that?”

“You are always telling me to eat healthy, sending me to bed when it get’s too late and reminding me to bring a coat with me in case it gets cold later. You are totally a mom”

“Yes, he always does that” Jyuushimatsu was laughing again “Hehe, Karamatsu told us so much about you! Ohh, you have piercings and weird colours in your hair. That’s so cool… Do you think I can have piercings too?”

“Sure. If you want them, just tell me. I know the best guy for that, I can take you to his store. If you go with me, he’ll give you a discount”

Yuki winked, and Jyuushi laughed. Karamatsu felt the worry fade away as they started walking together to the bus stop, as Jyuushimatsu was being… Himself, actually, but he was not doing anything too strange. They seemed to get along fine and Jyuushi did not seemed to notice that Yu was a woman, so he was behaving pretty nicely. Karamatsu actually began to think that he was worrying over nothing, as the two of them were getting along perfectly.

“Karamatsu nii-san I found a nice bug today!”

“Oh? Really? That’s nice, Jyuushimatsu”

“Yeah! It was a Caterpillar, it had a lot of little hairs on it. Cool!”

“You like bugs, Jyuushimatsu?” Yuki asked, eating his dango. He took another one, but instead of eating it he offered it to Jyuushimatsu without saying anything, just giving it to him. Jyuushi accepted it and ate it gladly “I like most of them… Except the ones with stings, those scare the heck out of me. And flying cockroaches”

“But flying bugs are the best!”

“But it’s a cockroach! With wings! It can get over you and walk on your skin with it’s little hairy legs filled with germs and crap. I am pretty sure they’ll end up conquering the world someday”

“Hehe! “ Jyuushimatsu turned his head to Karamatsu “I like him, he is weird! So, so, tell me. Do you like baseball?”

That was the tricky question. Karamatsu contemplated how Yuki’s face became filled with confusion, then he thought for a moment making a grimace and then he just sighed.

“I don’t know. I have never seen baseball, I know what is about but I don’t understand it at all. In my country we don’t play baseball, we play football!” Yuki exclaimed, completely excited “It’s one of the most famous sports there! All children play it”

“Ohhhhh, that’s too bad….”

“But you can teach me about baseball. Maybe if I understand it and play it sometimes, I’ll grow to like it”

“Yaaaaaaaay! Muscle muscle, hustle hustle!”

When he heard that, Yuki looked at his friend, completely worried. Jyuushimatsu was repeating that “muscle muscle” thing over and over and he was not able to figure out if the poor boy was broken from all the excitement or it was a japanese thing.

“Karamatsu, what is he saying? I don’t understand and he keeps screaming that”

“Oh, it’s just a thing he says when he is really happy. And baseball makes him happy, so…”

Yuki exclaimed a long “aaaah!” and then laughed, understanding it completely. He just started walking at the same pace that Jyuushimatsu, repeating his chant. In the end, even Karamatsu started saying it too, the three of them walking side by side. He did not care if the few people who were near them look at them weird, as his friend and his younger brother were having fun. When they got to the bus stop, Jyuushi explained the basic rules of baseball to Yu and, in Exchange, he explained to Jyuushi the rules of football. In just some minutes, the bus was already there.

“Kara, we will hang out this Friday, too?”

“Didn’t we already agreed on that?”

“Yeah, but I thought that maybe you would have other plans”

Karamatsu shook his head in negation.

“Not at all. See you next Friday”

Yuki nodded.

“Okay. Ah, don’t forget we have to agree when we start our cooking lessons. I can’t wait to meet the rest of your brothers. Ah, Bye-bye, Jyuushimatsu. It was nice to meet you”

“It was nice to meet you too! I hope you can come home soon. Can I give you a hug?”

Karamatsu arched his brows, puzzled by that request, but Yuki just smiled and opened his arms to him. Jyuushimatsu took this chance to throw himself into his open arms, pressing his face against Yuki’s chest. He could not help to feel something weird on that body, confirming his previous suspicions. Of course, Jyuushi was not going to say anything. If they wanted it to be a secret, then he was going to keep the secret too.

“We can swing together next time, Yuki” He said, finally letting go.

“Sure thing! See ya soon”

The young person got on the bus, waving at the brothers as soon as he was able to sit down. Both boys returned the farewell, looking at the bus until it disappeared at the distance. They kept silent for a while, until Karamatsu decided to speak as he started to walk home with Jyuushimatsu.

“So… What did you think of him?”

“Of who?” Jyuushi tilted his head and Karamatsu gave him his own serious face “Oh, of Yuki? He is kind of weird and there is something curious about him, but he is nice. He seems to be a good person”

“Something curious?” If Jyuushi found out Yuki’s secret, he would end up throwing himself into the nearest river “Like what?”

“It’s not something bad, not completely. He is honest, but he hides something at the same time” Jyuushi said, still walking “But it is not bad, really. It’s like… Like when the ESP Kitty told us about Ichimatsu’s feelings towards him having friends? That deep inside he wanted friends and was lonely, but he could not say it out loud because it was embarrassing?” Karamatsu nodded “Something like that. He looks like he has things he can’t talk about”

“Sometimes… Sometimes I wonder how can you tell those kind of things only by looking at people, but then again, a part of me tells me I should not know. Mh… Well, there are things he must not be able to talk about. Had a rough childhood”

“I see!” Jyuushimatsu kept walking, stopping every once in a while to grab another donut from Karamatsu’s bag “He is the one who was disowned by his family? The one you told us about?”

“Y-yeah… Sorry If I lied about it being something I heard on the park. I just…” Karamatsu sighed. He had to stop lying sooner or later, after all, lying and pretending everything was okay brought him to his current situation “I wanted to have Yu all for myself. It sounds stupid, I know, but I was feeling like crap and I was convinced that nobody cared about me. Then… Then He came and made me feel better. He gave me a reason to fight against this crappy feelings I’ve been having. I did not wanted to share him to anybody else”

“Really?”

“Whenever one of the others take something that is mine, they always break it, lose it, sell it or get it dirty. I mean, it’s not like he is a possession that belongs to me, he is my friend. But… I thought that I any of you knew him, you would try to take him away from me or scare him away out of spite. It was stupid, I know”

Jyuushimatsu moved his head to his side and took Karamatsu’s hand.

“No, it’s not stupid. Everybody has his secrets. Besides, Karamatsu nii-san is always too good and lends his stuffm but he has the right to keep things to himself. And… Well… At that time… I wouldn’t have done anything bad, but I am not sure the rest would have not tried. They were mad when they found out you had a secret friend”

“Really?” That was just what he had not wanted.

“Yeah. Todomatsu told us everything, but he did it because he was worried. Osomatsu got really mad, though… But Choromatsu nii-san calmed him”

“I see….”

Now he felt bad. They were brothers, they shouldn’t have any secrets from each other, but his friend was his light in the middle of the darkness and he was too afraid to lend that light to anybody else. A part of him was glad that he kept the secret, because he knew that his brothers would’ve tried to scare Yu away just to hurt him, but the other one was actually quite sad with Osomatsu’s reaction. Jyuushi squeezed his hand, making him snap out of it.

“Don’t feel bad, nii-san. Osomatsu has secrets, too. He is just being insensitive. He’ll come around”

“Yeah, you are right”

They smiled to each other and went home, hoping everything would be better. But when they got to their house, they found out Osomatsu sulking in one of the living room corners. The rest were at the kotatsu, doing their own thing, but Todomatsu looked really angry as he was looking at his phone. Choromatsu noticed they were back and welcomed them home, leaving his manga aside for a moment.

“Glad you're back. Did you both had a good day?”

“Yeah!” Jyuushimatsu let himself drop next to Choromatsu, as Karamatsu just walked to them and sat next to Ichimatsu, so he could say hi to Suzu. The cat was getting better each day… A lovely orange, striped kitten with big round eyes. Suzu meowed at him, purring when Karamatsu caressed his head “I got up a tree, I made one thousand four hundred and twenty two swings, I found a caterpillar and then I found Karamatsu and his friend Yuki”

“Yuki?” That was Ichimatsu, who was looking at his older brother caressing the cat “Wasn’t his name Yu?”

“Ah, sorry brother. That is just a nickname” Karamatsu answered, fully concentrated on the cat that was trying to get on his lap.

“Hm, I see… You are wearing new clothes too, what happened?”

At this point, everybody was looking at him. Karamatsu did not mind, it was incredibly nice having his brother’s attention, so he took the time to tell them about his day with Yu, his new clothes, the day at the park and his encounter with Jyuushimatsu, then his younger brother told them that part, highlighting when he explained baseball rules to Yuki.

“He has piercings and coloured hair! And big, green eyes! It looks like one of Ichimatsu’s cats”

Karamatsu could not help but laugh.

“Yeah, I thought the same when I saw him for the first time. But he doesn’t have too many piercings, he just have one in his left eyebrow and four in each ear. It’s not that much”

Ichimatsu clacked his tongue.

“What do you mean he looks like one of my cats?”

“He has big round eyes and his face has the shape of a heart. And his eyes are green. He reminds me of one of those expensive purebred cats”

“Yeah, but he was nice” Jyuushimatsu took a sniff at his training uniform, at smelling himself, he laughed again “He gave me dango out of nowhere and told me he would teach me to play football. Ah, I’ll go have a shower now”

Todomatsu let himself fall over the table.

“Finally! Please do, you are reeking”

Jyuushimatsu laughed, got out of the room and then everything became too silent. Karamatsu could not understand why the air was so tense in the room. He was about to leave, not wanting to be in that kind of ambience, but Todomatsu sighed and looked at him, calming down a little.

“So you had a good day, huh? You know, I always thought your clothes were painful, and they still are, but this ones are not _that_ painful. They look good on you. This Yu guy has to buy your entire wardrobe”

“I know, right?! Wait, what?”

“At least you two had a good day” Todomatsu ignored his question completely, as he was not going to repeat himself “I was stuck here, standing our idiot older brother”

That was a sign that Osomatsu screwed up. Again.

“What did he do now? Did he tried to throw away your expensive creams again?” Todomatsu scoffed and looked angrily at Osomatsu, which meant that the first son did something actually pretty bad “Totty?”

“Pfft… That idiot… Well, I thought that since you were learning new things on your own and doing some changes, I could do the same. I like fashion and all that, so I thought I could help people as a personal image consultant. I got the idea after helping you out with your outfit last time”

“That’s… That’s terrific, Totty! I am sure you’ll be a great P.I consultant. After all, you made me look amazing that day. But, don’t you have to study for that?”

Choromatsu sighed, and rolled his eyes to Totty, who also sighed.

“Yeah. I’ve been searching about it on the internet, and there’s a special academy where I can study that. It’s a little far, but it’s free. I would only have to pay for my study material , like books or things like that”

“What's the problem, then? Did our parents refused to help you out?”

“No… I talked to them, they were actually happy about it. Even so, I have a job, so I will pay for my own things. It’s just that when I told everybody today, some idiot started to laugh and said that I was too dumb to do such a thing like studying and that I would drop it in two days” Todomatsu looked furiously to his older brother’s back, who was still in his place, not looking at anything but the wall. Now Karamatsu understood.

“Oh…”

Even Choromatsu let out a sound of frustration.

“When Totty said he wouldn’t, he started to make puns. But when I told everybody that I wanted to get a driving license he went mad. He got angry at Suzu and threw a book to him”

“He did what?!”

“It’s okay, I took care of it” Ichimatsu’s dark aura was activated and Karamatsu knew that his younger brother made Osomatsu pay for messing with his cat.

On the other hand, Karamatsu felt sorry for him. Osomatsu was behaving like a kid again, getting mad when things started to change or weren’t the way he wanted. Exactly like that time when Choromatsu got a job and moved away. He did not want to leave his older brother alone.

“Totty, Choromatsu, I am glad for you. Do what makes you feel better” He said, then he got up and sat next to Osomatsu “Hey, brother. Do you still want to go fishing? I am free tomorrow.”

“No I don’t. I am not free just because you are, Karamatsu”

He arched his brow.

“Ohhh? But you asked me out today”

“I don’t want to go fishing, you idiot”

Well, if he was going to act that way, then two could play that game. After all, his doctor did told him to be selfish.

“Okay, if you are sure about that then… Choromatsu, do you want to hang out tomorrow? I am free, as soon as I finish working out”

Karamatsu could see from the corner of his eye how his older brother was looking at him in awe, like he could not believe that he was not licking his feet, begging him to go out together. Karamatsu did want to spend time with him, but he was not going to follow his older brother’s little games. He had to learn to control himself and respect the rest once and for all… If Osomatsu was not free ‘just because he was’, then Karamatsu wasn’t either.

Choromatsu left his manga.

“Sure. Can we do another thing besides fishing?”

“Yu showed me some anime today. I am kinda new to it, but I liked it. Do you know where I can get the whole series of the manga? Then we could go to the music store”

Choromatsu’s eyes were shining. Karamatsu went back to the kotatsu, as Osomatsu looked at him like he was kicked in the face by his second in command. Karamatsu tried his best to not pay attention, and pretended to ignore him using his acting skills.

“Yes, yes! We can do that! Ohhhh, this is going to be great, Karamatsu”

“Heh, of course it will. You’ll be enjoying my company as we let ourselves into the creative imagination of greate…”

“Karamatsu, please don’t ruin the moment”

“Eh?”

Osomatsu looked at his brothers. Choro was planning something related to the anime, even making a list of the mangas they could buy together and the series they could buy to watch. Totty was still looking at that academy website, probably still looking for the fastest way to get there. All of them were ignoring him. It was like hell… Why did they had to make plans? Why did everything had to change? Osomatsu was clenching his fists when Karamatsu’s phone rang, and he could see his brother taking it out, smiling, and then showing something to the rest of their brothers.

“Look! Yu is making cookies for me!”

“Huh? Why?” Ichimatsu grabbed the phone and whistled “This looks nice. I did not know that cookies could be decorated like that”

“He promised me some in return for the bento boxes I prepared today. He is pretty good at baking, but he sucks at cooking, so he is making these for me”

Todomatsu grabbed the phone too, looking at the pictures one after the other. He seemed gladly surprised.

“Wow, this looks neat! I’ve never thought that cookies with the shape of skulls and guitars could look this cute! I wonder what he is using to decorate them”

“I don’t know” Karamatsu took his phone back, answering the message “But he will teach me. I mean, I’ll teach him how to cook without killing himself and he will teach me how to bake without burning the house down. It’s a win-win”

“Eh, that sounds great” Choromatsu took his manga again, looking for the page he was reading before “So, you are going to his place?”

“Yeah, starting next week unless there is a problem. But I also wanted to bring him here… If… Nobody minds. I don’t want to bother”

“I don’t mind” Choromatsu finally found his lost page and kept reading “I don’t think anybody does. Right, guys?” The rest  nodded “See?”

“Yeah, just… Be civil, please” he said that and the rest just grinned like he had gave them the best idea. Karamatsu got scared that they might want to really mess with Yuki, but they ended up laughing and shrugged.

“Haha, Karamatsu nii-san is ashamed of us?” Totty asked in a playful tone “Don’t worry, we won’t scare your friend away”

“It’s not…”

“So bothersome!”

The four brothers turned around, only to see Osomatsu getting up. He looked angry for some reason, bothered even. He looked like he had alcohol rage even when sober, as a dark aura was spreading from him and he looked ready to fight.

“So we have to change and behave only because this stupid friend of yours will come over? That’s stupid! I am not going to do that, I don’t care about it. Everything has to change here, only because of a single person. Meh!” he knew he was acting like an idiot, he had to stop but he couldn’t “Besides, how can we be sure that you are not paying him to pretend to be your friend? You were always a loner, you are nothing without us”

Karamatsu felt his chest hurt and his heart ache. It was like one of his dreams, one of his brothers saying horrible words to him.

“And don’t make me laugh! School? Driving license? You’ll drop out of everything, like we always do. At least, you have already done that, right Chorofapinsky?” Osomatsu was smiling, looking at the ashemed expression in Choromatsu’s face, the anger in Todomatsu’s and the nothingness in the rest of his brother’s faces. He had to stop, he did not wanted to hurt his brothers, but he was not able. He was too angry to do that “We are NEETS! Just accept that and stop pretending!”

“You Asshole...!” Choromatsu got up ready to fight, but a firm hand in his shoulder made him stop.

It was Karamatsu, who got up too. His older brother patted his shoulder, smiled at him for a second and then walked towards Osomatsu. Everybody in the room got tense, remembering Karamatsu’s attack of anger and the fact that both of them were actually good fighters. The youngest brothers swallowed hard, and Osomatsu got ready to fight.

“What, you wanna punch me? C’mon, you know I am right!”

“Osomatsu” He took a deep breath, thinking about all his progress, about the way he felt today when he saw himself in the mirror and sang with Yuki on the park “You now what…?”

Osomatsu wanted to fight, to get rid off some steam so the anger could leave his body and then just apologize to his brothers and say that he was acting like an idiot, like he always did. That helped him a lot, getting into fights to feel better. But instead of fighting, Karamatsu just gave him a bright smile.

“I don’t give a fuck what you think. So you can go fuck yourself!”

_Ah?_

That was not what he was expecting. His brother was there, smiling at him even after that insult. Osomatsu was in shock, not being able to process the whole situation. The rest of his brothers just laughed, laughed like they had heard the funniest thing ever. Since when did Karamatsu get the balls to sass him around? In the end, Osomatsu grunted and kicked the floor.

“Fine! I’m leaving!”

“Okay, I won’t stop you”

Osomatsu grunted and ran to their room, he just threw himself on the futon pretending to sleep. He could hear his brothers laughing from there. He knew he was being an idiot, that he had to apologize, but he could not help it. Everything was changing so fast he could not stand it. If things kept like that, everybody would end up leaving the house.

Leaving him. There had to be something he could do.

In the meantime, he was lying on the bed, gritting his teeth while thinking about the changes. They all started because of Karamatsu.

No, that’s wrong. Something else made him change.

That friend of his. That person was the cause of everything. It was probably a bastard trying to get advantage of his young brother, somebody lying to him, making him believe stupid things to mess with his head. As an older brother, he could not allow that. It was his duty to protect Karamatsu and the rest from people like this Yuki guy.

He had to fulfil his duty, somehow. And when he outed this Yuki as the liar he was, then everything would go back to normal, after he healed Karamatsu’s wounds of course.

It was going to be amazing, being the great big brother again.

He just had to wait.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell yeah, we are baaaaaaack!!
> 
> This chapter is kinda short, but I hope you like it anyway. The next one will compensate for it, I guarantee it.
> 
> Anyway, thanks to my super awesome beta reader, who makes this crap readable xD


	9. Oniichan

Chapter 9: Onii-chan

Karamatsu looked at his cigarette, before throwing it into the nearest trash can. He was a little bit nervous, so he wanted to smoke, but he was trying his best to stop smoking so even when he was craving for a cigarette, he did not fall to his desires. He had to stop smoking once and for all if he wanted to sing… His lungs and throat would not be able to stand too long if he kept that nasty vice.

But it was getting a little difficult not to fall. After all, his household became a madhouse in just two days. Osomatsu was being grumpy, more than ever, Todomatsu was completely nervous, trying to buy part of his study material while he figured out how to fix his classes so he could still keep his work at Sutaaba.  Choromatsu was always getting mad whenever somebody interrupted him while studying for his driving test and, for some reason, he got Ichimatsu to help him study.

So, whenever they collided, it was hell. Especially if Osomatsu was nearby, because he spent the whole time snickering at his younger brothers, taunting them because, according to him: “They were just pretending to fit into society”

At least he and Jyuushimatsu had an excuse to get out of the house with his baseball training and him going out to see his doctor, his friend or to work out. As things were changing in his house, Karamatsu was wondering what he could do… He had to find a job or do something else besides just doing sports and music, but he did not know what he could do. What kind of job would accept someone like him? He had no qualifications whatsoever and there was nothing out there besides music that interested him enough to try to study. He also did not have any experience, and a lot of places asked for a minimum experience. The other day he was using the library computers to check out some job websites to look for a part time job… And they asked for experience to wash dishes in a restaurant, to clean an office, even to work in a fast food place.

_ “At this rate I’ll never be able to find a job” _

He was walking to the park to see Yuki again and just thinking about it made him feel a little better. His friend was always cheering him up, telling him that it was not easy to find a job. According to him, he was just lucky to find his own jobs and before that, he had to lie a lot in his resumé. Most of the times, he ended up working in weird, shady places. He did not wanted to lie or end up working in a “shady place”, but if things kept going like that then he would not have another choice.

He could also go and do construction work, but he was not feeling ready for it. He was still coping with his own mind… being in a place with so much noise made him too nervous, and activated those damned voices. And he needed them to shut up.

At least, his breathing exercises and his sessions with Dr. Hisoka were doing some good for him. The dreams were fewer lately, so he took it as a good sign.

His friend gave him a few soundtracks to help him sleep. It had the sound of the sea, of different woods with its inhabitants and some instrumental songs made with flutes and other wind instruments. According to his friend, he had to avoid the sound of the violin and piano, but the last one only in sad songs. When he asked why, Yu told him that violin enhanced depression when somebody was feeling down.

“That’s why they use violin and piano in sad songs, you dummy. They make you feel even more sad!”

And that was why he tried not to listen to sad songs, at least for now. 

As he was going to the park, he looked at the sky. It was a lovely day, with a clear sky and the sun was warming them up nicely. It was a good change after a few weeks full of chilly days.  He was already at the park, with his guitar case in one of his hands and a lollipop on his mouth to avoid smoking, waiting for his friend so they could start their hang out. This was much, much better than being at home putting up with Osomatsu’s grumpy humor and Totty’s nervousness.

“Karamatsu!”

He turned around, alerted by the sweet, feminine voice. His glasses almost fell down when he saw Yuki wearing an adorable dress. Since they had met, it was the first time he had seen her wearing feminine apparel and it was kind of shocking, but in a good way. He had to recognize that his friend looked good in any clothes.

“Wow! A dress? Wedges? Is this a dream? Fantasy? Or have the angels finally come to earth to grace us with their beauty?”

Yukina laughed, coming closer to him.

“Don’t be a fool! I am no angel… I am a fairy”

Karamatsu had to hold his laughter.

“A fairy, huh? That’s why you are using tulle and flowers?” he glanced at Yuki’s clothes. She was wearing a white dress with little light-blue flowers on it, it had a V neckline and  short sleeves. The dress had an X shape, so the skirt was wide and the waist was narrow. It had light-blue tulle under the skirt and Yuki was also using a pink pantyhose with images of cupcakes and a cute cupcake purse. On her feet, she was wearing ankle strapped, white and black platform wedges 

“You look adorable, but you need more dazzling to be a fairy”

She gasped, doing a dramatic pose.

“How dare you? Are you denying my fairyness? You sir, have offended me”

“I am not denying it, but aren’t fairies supposed to sparkle?”

“My heart has enough sparkles as it is! I don’t need to add more to my body, that would be too much. You have to let people wanting for more, you know?”

Karamatsu could not help but laugh, hanging his glasses in the neckline of his hoodie. He felt a little odd wearing only his hoodie, jeans and sneakers whereas Yukina was wearing such a cutesy outfit, but it was too late to go back home and retrieve some of his sequins.

“I can imagine. Anyway… You look really cute. I cannot even believe I am seeing you in a dress”

“It was a girly girl day” She answered, holding Karamatsu by his elbow like she always did “And you have to dress accordingly when it’s a girly girl day. Besides, a friend of mine went to the effort of changing the patterns of this dress to my size and it was such a nice day. I had to wear it”

Karamatsu arched his brows.

“Why would your friend change the patterns?”

“I am thicker than japanese girls and, unlike most of them, I have something called hips. Unless I change the pattern or modify the dress, there’s no way something made in Japan can fit me”

“Is that much of a differe-“ Yukina signaled her chest, which was kind of large, and he had no choice but to shut up before embarrassing himself more “Okay, point taken. Do you want to hang out at the park for a while?”

“Yes. You have to sing your new song. And I have the urge to get on the hammocks”

Karamatsu laughed, going into the park. They did that a lot, lately, go to the park, have a picnic, watch some series on her laptop and then would go to the nearest music store to listen some cd’s or to check the prices of the guitars. Sometimes, they went to the movie theater, took a stroll at the shopping center or Yuki took him to the “design district” to buy fabric, thread and things like that.

Like every time they went to the park, they sat on a piece of cloth over the grass and sang together, while Karamatsu played his guitar. Then he sang one of his own songs. Yuki took out a few candies from her purse and they ate it together, too.

“You know, Karamatsu? I’ve been wondering… You’re a good guy, right? Why are you single?”

“Well… People find me painful. I always wait for my Karamatsu Girls, but they never come”

“Pfft, with that attitude they won’t. You can’t just stand in a place and wait for people to notice you”

“I can’t?” he asked, taking a few lollipops from his jacket. Yuki smiled and grabbed one, eating it almost immediately “What’s wrong with my attitude?”

“Mh… Well… You talk too much and act too much. That’s no good… Rule number one: If you try too hard, then girls will get suspicious. Or you’ll start spreading desperemones”

Karamatsu stopped playing and looked at his friend completely dumbfounded, not knowing what she meant. In response, Yuki giggled.

“Desperate pheromones. Women ran away from desperation like pigs run away from soap” Yuki, who was sitting while hugging her own knees, lied on the cloth while playing with the lollipop on her mouth “And also they run away from guys who act too much… I know you don’t have any ill intentions, because you are a sweetheart, but us girls have to be careful with the guys we pick. One who acts too much could be hiding something”

“But I don’t want to do anything bad!”

“I know, ‘cause I know you. The rest will think you are a shady guy. Especially if you want to get attention… You have to be mysterious. Don’t look at them. When you are confident and don’t pay attention to girls, they find you more attractive”

“Why...?”

“Because if you are not desperate and don’t look too much at them, it means that you are confident enough and that you will probably behave? Or not make a scene  if you get rejected? It depends. If you act too much you might be hiding something, maybe you are a weirdo or a stalker. Just… Be you”

“I’ve never thought about it like that…” he said, leaving his guitar at his side while grabbing one candy “But… Being me? I am me all the time”

“Noooo” Yuki turned around again, chest on the ground “You force it. I’ve seen you, waiting for Karamatsu girls. You try too hard. Just be you but… toned down. Let them bask in your coolness, little by little, and be honest about what you feel. That way, they’ll grow to accept it. It’s like ice cream, if you eat too much in a few minutes your brain freezes. Eat it slower and you’ll taste it better”

“Okay. Little by little. I guess I could try that” after all, he was still keeping his coolness, he was just moderating  it. That was not a bad thing, he was still being himself… Or something like that “But what should I do, then? I mean… How can I convince them that I am not a weirdo?”

“Oh, well… Have a puppy, a little sibling. Just have fun wherever you are. If they found you interesting, they’ll go talk to you. Or you can get closer to them and ask them nicely if they want to talk to you. If they say no, just be nice, smile and leave them alone”

That sounded quite easy, but in his experience with women, nothing was easy. With the exception of Yuki herself, but he was convinced that it was because they were only friends and none of them wanted to flirt with the other. Or maybe because Yuki was more like a guy sometimes.

“And if they say yes… What can we talk about?”

Yukina looked at him like he was an idiot.

“Her, of course! Women looove to be heard! Let her talk about her interests, her work, her family, her pets. Ask, ask, aaask them a loot of things. And if they ask you something, be honest. Say you have a family and that you love them, that you are looking for a good job and, meanwhile, you are into music. It’s not that hard… Well, no, it is hard at first but you’ll learn. Just be honest”

“Ah… Alright. Let them talk as much as they want and being honest. I think I can do that”

“That’s good, because there’s a group of ladies that have been checking you out for a while”

“What?!!”

He stiffened, suddenly nervous. He tried to  not be too obvious when he looked around to see if that was true and his surprise was enormous when he saw a group of young woman looking at him, smiling. They even waved at him and he smiled back, completely flustered while he waved at them.

“Go for it, Tiger!” That was Yukina, cheering on him.

“I… I am nervous… I don’t know what to… Oh god, one is coming over, is coming over!”

“Remember, be honest and cool! But don’t over do it”

The young women came closer to him. It was a cute girl, long and curly blonde hair, a nice pretty face, pinkish lips. She was wearing a cute pink dress and looked really cute, a little shy and embarrassed. It was the kind of adorable girl that every guy wanted to date but he was feeling so nervous that he did not know how to react. It was the first time ever that someone so cute came to talk to him.

“E-excuse me. Are you free now?”

Karamatsu’s did his best to hide his trembling.

“W-Well, I am but… I am with somebody…”

The girl looked at Yuki, who was playing innocently with the lollipop in her mouth, moving her legs up and down while humming a song. 

“Is she your cousin or… your sister?” the girl asked. When Karamatsu turned to see his friend, he realized she looked younger in that outfit, especially when she acted like that. He was about to answer, but Yuki smiled and took the lolly out of her mouth.

“Karamatsu nii-chan” she said, in the most cutesy voice she could mutter “Can I go to the hammocks now?”

Karamatsu felt his  heart soar . He had to use all his strength not to hug Yuki tightly, completely moved that someone so cute would call him “onii-chan” in such a way. He had always wanted to be somebody’s “big bro” and, to tell the truth, he had always wanted a little sister to take care of and protect. He was about to burst in tears, but Yuki got up, kissed him on the cheek and left for the hammocks, leaving him alone with the girl.

“A-ah, yes… She is my cousin. Isn’t she adorable?” he could not say they were brothers as they were too different “Anyway, my name is Karamatsu Matsuno. It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss….?”

The girl laughed, presenting herself as Miyuki. Then the other girls came closer, presenting themselves as Mio, Mayu and Chihiko. They sat in the cloth and started asking questions to him, while Karamatsu tried is best not to scared them away with his coolness, just like Yuki told him.

“It’s so cute to see a man taking care of his siblings! Most guys don’t really like to do it…”

“W-well, I really like children. I mean, I have a lot of younger siblings and I love them dearly. I am used to it” after all, his brothers were like little kids in a way. And he loved kids. One of his dreams was to get married and have one baby or two, but it was something that he never told anybody. Not to his brothers even, as he thought that they would make fun of him. In a spurt of honesty, he said “I would love to have my own kids one day. Getting married and live in a house with a big backyard so they could play. That would be… Oh… I-I am sorry, Is that too weird?”

Instead of running away, the girl’s eyes sparkled and muttered a long “Aawww”. They told him that it was actually pretty sweet of him to feel like that. 

_ So far so good _ , he thought, and  he decides to implement Yu’s advices. He asked them about their lives, their jobs. Listened to them talking, not interrupting even a single time and paying close attention to what they were saying. Apparently it was true that girls loved to be listened, as they kept talking and talking. Every now and then, Yuki came back, pretending to be his younger cousin and did something cute while calling him “onii-chan”. He patted her on the head, but in reality he wanted to hug her against his chest until the world exploded.

_ “Thank you deities from the heavens, for giving me this wonderful gift. A cute and adorable little sister for a day is much more than this sinful man deserves, but I will take it and enjoy it. I’ll remember this forever. Thank youu!” _

When the girls stopped talking about themselves, they asked him about his guitar. Karamatsu decided to be honest and told them that he was interested in music but that he was still learning. He told them what he did to improve, showed them his guitar and he even played a few tunes for them. They all seemed pretty impressed and interested, until one of the girls asked him what he did for a living.

He had to fight the urge to make a pose and say something in English. 

“Well… To be honest, I’ve been through a rough time lately. So now I am doing my best to find a new job” He had one, once. When Iyami and Chibita pretended to be rental girlfriends at least “I want to work so I can keep playing. And… Well… I want to be an example for my siblings”

He was expecting the girls to leave him alone, because he was a useless idiot with no job. But, surprisingly, they stayed with him and told him that everybody had bad times, but it was pretty brave of him to try and get better. They started talking about something else, when Mio looked at one side and touched Karamatsu’s shoulder.

“Isn’t that your cousin?”

“Huh?”

Karamatsu looked at that direction. Yuki was there, she was going to a crépes food cart . He looked at her, as she was buying a pair of crepes, but there were some guys near her. They looked like the typical juvenile delinquents that pretended to be tough shit when, in reality, they could do nothing when they were confronted alone. Karamatsu immediately got up and went to the cart, as they were looking at his friend and laughing in a way he did not like at all.

Yuki paid. She was getting two strawberry crepes. As soon as she held them, one of the guys pushed her and knocked down, making her fall on the ground. The cart lady gasped and Yuki made a pained sound, as she tried to get up. Karamatsu felt the anger boiling up inside him and he did not hesitate when he ran towards that stupid punk with spiky hair, giving him a punch right on his face. He tried not to be too hard, as he did not want him to pass out, only to feel pain.

“You fucker…!” The guy cried. The other one tried to move, but Karamatsu looked straight at him that sent a chill down his spine.  

The punk swallowed hard, unable to move his feet while looking at the weird guy with the blue hoodie that appeared out of nowhere. That guy’s eyes were too intimidating, so he did not move at all,  not even to help his friend. Karamatsu took the chance to grab the first one from his clothes.

“Listen up, you asshole. Didn’t your mother teach you not to lay a finger on a woman? Don’t you know that you are not supposed to hit them, not even with a rose petal?” He growled, his face just a few centimeters from the idiot’s scared face “You’re lucky that we are in a park, but if you touch my little Yukina, no, if you even dare to look at her way or breath the same air… I am going to kick your ass so hard you’ll taste my shoes, you heard me? I will beat you up, throw you in the nearest pond and make sure that no one sees your ugly face for eternity. Are we fucking clear, maggot?”

“Y-yes…”

“I can’t hear you!”

“Yes sir, we are clear, sir!!”

“Good. Now, get out of my sight. Morons… “ The two fellas ran as fast as the could, so Karamatsu took the chance to turn around and see his friend “Yuki, are you okay…? Oh…”

She was still in the ground, crying. Yuki was trying to dry her own tears with her fingers and her cute dress was covered in cream. Karamatsu felt his heart sink as he got on his knees and took a handkerchief from his pocket to try and help her.

“I am sorry, Yuki. Does it hurt…?”

“A… A little… It’s more uncomfortable than anything…” He was about to get up and try to find those bastards, until she did something with her hands and finally he could see her face “Ah, that’s better now”

“What…?” she had something in her finger. It was a contact lense. His mind added two plus two and then faced Yuki, surprised “That… That’s a contact lense. You use contact lenses?”

“Yeah. My eyesight became kind of bad after reading too long only using candles… Nhm… Now I’ll have to use my glasses…” She took the contacts container from her purse, putting the one she had on her finger and then taking out the other one from her other eye, putting both in the container. After that, she took a cute pink case and opened it “Geez, I can’t see a thing without them”

Karamatsu saw her putting on her glasses. They were pastel green, with an oval and thick frame. It looked cute on her. Karamatsu could not help but laugh, as he gave her a hand to stand up.

“Are you alright, Yuki? What were you doing here?”

“Buying crepes?”

He arched one of his brows and she sighed.

“I wanted to surprise you and thought that giving you a crepe would be a nice thing to do. Is it so wrong  that I want to treat my friend?”

Karamatsu did not know how to answer. It had been a long time since anyone had  treated him anything. It was a nice gesture, especially as she did it without being asked to… He smiled, caressing her head that was now completely messed up, as her ponytail was disarmed by the fall.

“Thanks, Yuki. I had forgotten that people do that for others. Here, I’ll buy new crepes and then we have to do something about your dress”

“My house is near this park, we can go there”

“Good” He turned to the cart lady, with an apologetic expression “I am sorry for what you had to see. Would you be so kind to make two new crepes for my and my friend?”

The lady said it was not a problem, and that he did not had to apologise. 

“You are a brave young man, dear. And very polite, too” The old woman said, before preparing two strawberry crepes. Karamatsu tried to pay, but she refused “No, no, these are on the house. It was not her fault that those delinquents pushed her and made her fall. Here”

“But ma’am…”

“Now, now, go with your pretty girlfriend and eat them”

He blushed like crazy, grabbing his own crepe. Yukina grabbed the other and did not seemed to be bothered because of the girlfriend thing, so he tried his best not to be embarrassed either. They went back to their previous place. The girls were still there and rushed towards them, asking them if they were okay, congratulating Karamatsu for defending his cousin and giving Yuki a lot of  disposable handkerchiefs so she could clean herself. As she was using her cute voice, Karamatsu still tried to figure out how they could think that Yuki and he were cousins or that she was so much younger than him. There was only a difference of three years! And she was tall!

Either way, this “little sister” thing was actually kind of nice, so he did not object.

“Thank you, my dear flowers. I am so sorry that you had to see me like that, getting violent. It’s just… I don’t like it when somebody hurt the people I love. Either way, we should go so she can change her clothes”

Yuki nodded, biting her crepe.

The girls complained, but understood. One of them gave him her number, winking an eye at him while she made him promise he would call her. Karamatsu thanked her, excited, and took all his stuff before leaving the park with Yu, both of them finishing their crepes.

“Hm” Yuki licked her lips after eating all of her crepe. They were walking side by side, not knowing where they were going “You do realize a girl gave you her number, right?”

Karamatsu stopped in his tracks, his expression completely blank as his mind processed everything that happened in the last few minutes.

“Oh my god….”

“Congratulations, Karaboy! You got a girl's number without being called ‘painful’ “

“Oh my god, a girl gave me her number! This is the greatest day of my life!! I finally have a Karamatsu Girl!”

“Yaaay! Now, let’s go to my place so we can celebrate and I can change”

 

They walked four blocks straight from the park, then two more to the left. Yukina lived in a block, which was filled with tall apartment buildings. Her building was the smaller one, which was also the older one, and was united to the building next to it by an structure that was like a hall in the middle of the air. It was pretty impressive, or that was what Karamatsu thougth. They went into the first building as Yukina explained that only the closest friends of the land lady, Mikuru-nee, and the first ones in living in that place were the ones who lived in the first two buildings. They just looked like normal, grey buildings, at least until they went inside.

It was filled with plants. Everything was decorated in a very glamorous fashion, with mirrors, expensive Wood, mirrors. He felt at home, oddly enough. After taking the elevator to get to the seventh floor, they entered into Yukina’s apartment. It was kind of big for only one person… A living room right after the hall, with a diván-bed against the wall, the tv and a console in front of it and a coffee table right in between. There was an aisle next to the tv  and another aisle next to the diván bed with a rustic bureau beside it. Right beside that aisle there was a puff, another diván bed right against the wall and a window with a small balcony. Against the other wall, right next to the balcony, there was a book shelf separated of the T.V by the second aisle The first aisle (the one beside the first diván bed) went to Yukina’s room, the bathroom and her “ _ atelier” _ . The second aisle (the one between the book shelf and the television) went to the kitchen. 

Karamatsu asked why she had a room only to function as an  _ atelier _ .

“I need a clean, quiet place to work. All my materials, the mannequins, the fabrics, the sewing machine, everything is in there. But it also has double bed, in case my friends stay to sleep or we have a group Project”

“You also have two diván-beds… Is that why you have them? So your friend can stay here for your projects?” Karamatsu asked, looking at his surroundings. The walls had a nice, pastel orange colour and the floor had a lovely, earth colored carpet. There were flowers in pots, photos of her and a lot of people over the bookshelf and the t.v cabinet, and all the furniture was kind of rustic. It felt kind of nice being in there, lively.

“Yeah. And the puff too” She said, signaling the pink, marshmallow thingy near the bureau.

“You can sleep on that?!”

“Pff, after a six hour project, printing and then sewing for hours you can sleep on almost everything”

Yukina changed clothes, putting on some denim shorts and a baggy, grey tank top. After that they ended up drinking tea and tasting a delicious, scandalous and rich, homemade caramel pie made by Yuki to celebrate Karamatsu’s success with talking to girls. 

“We have to celebrate!! Here, try my pie. I made it yesterday, but it’s still fresh. I hope you like caramel” Yuki said, cutting him a big slice.

“I don’t dislike it. But we don’t eat a lot of caramel here”

“You’ll taste a lot of western things with me. But you’ll have to help me and taste japanese food together. For some reason, my friends avoid eating japanese things besides junk food when they are with me”

“Why….?” That was actually pretty odd.

“They seem to think that, due to my European nature, I won’t be able to really like japanese food. They say it’s too spicy, has a lot of seafood, things that strangers like me won’t appreciate” Karamatsu just looked at her with his signature dumbfounded expression and she snickered “Yeah, I know! I’ve been here long enough to get used to your food. Besides, I eat almost anything”

“Your friends are weird”

“I love them that way. They wouldn’t be them if they were different. Anyway, why don’t we start our cooking lessons today?”

The lessons were something out of this world. Karamatsu could not even start to comprehend how was it possible for somebody to burn an omelette in their first try. But it was not just slightly burnt, it was completely roasted, black as coal, to the point that no living being could eat it and live to tell the tale. It took at least five tries for Yuki to make something that looked almost edible, but as soon as Karamatsu tasted it, the omelette had such a weird taste and texture, that it made him feel like there was no hope for humanity and the world was about to implode. Three more tries, and it only made him cry. The tenth try allowed him to see his ancestors in a astral journey, and the last one looked perfect and tasted good… But Karamatsu ended up hugging the toilet for a long time, at least until his friend gave him a glass of something strange that she described as ‘lemon, lukewarm water and baking soda’.

“It’s a homemade remedy, family recipe. It’ll make you feel better”

It tasted awful, but it helped. When his stomach stopped squirming inside him, he was able to drink some green tea and console Yukina, who was lamenting with her forehead against the table.

“I can’t believe this! I suck! I totally suuuuuuuck!” She cried, Karamatsu patting her head “How can I be so bad at cooking? I can make the most delicious sweet treats, I can make soufflés, and… And pop tarts, and cakes, and Cupcakes, and caramel! I can even make cannoli and pudding! But an omelette? Nooooo!”

“Oh, don’t say that. Not everyone gets it at first”

She looked at him, squinting her eyes.

“It was just two beaten eggs with oregano, grated cheese and salt, Karamatsu. Just  _ that. _ I’ve made much more complex things and some shitty eggs beat me…”

Karamatsu smiled lightly, trying his best to comfort her, but there was not much he could do. After all, her omelets were terrible. But he did not have the heart to tell her that. Besides he was completely sure that, with some hard work and practice, Yukina would be able to improve her cooking skills.

“C’mon, don’t be so sad. I am pretty sure that my little Yukina will  become an excellent cook with a little bit of effort. Like a precious flower blooming after the long, cold Winter”

“Though I appreciate that you try to cheer me up, Karaboy, let me remind you that you were communing to Gilgamesh, the King of Immortals and Lord of the Knots of Wisdom. Then you fainted and rotated over your own axis, while still on the floor”

He had no other choice than to sigh and rest his elbows on the table, still trembling by his encounter with Gilgamesh. That was not a pretty experience.

“Yeah. When I was on high school I always wondered how smoking pot must feel like but… After this ride, I don’t think I wanna know anymore. But don’t worry! You’ll do it better next time!”

“You think?”

She looked so full of hope, so desperate to be able to cook. It was endearing in a way, as he was used to see Yukina in her sassy attitude, instead of this new facet of her. Karamatsu thought that it was nice discovering new things of other people and set his goal into discovering almost every other facet his friend could have. And, if he was able, he would do his best to have more friends so he could discover their hidden facets.

But for now, Yuki and his brothers were enough.

“Why are you so desperate to learn how to cook?”

“Oh…” the question caught her off guard “Well, it’s kind of silly”

“I won’t laugh”

Yuki doubted for a moment, then she just gave in.

“Okay, one of my friends is pregnant. And she is always talking about how to feed her baby and the récipes she got from her mom, and that she will cook for her kids and have lovely dinners all together… And… What will I do when I have my own child? I can’t even cook rice without burning it”

“You… You want to have kids?” his voice sounded so surprised that Yuki turned immediately to him, slightly blushed.

“What? A girl can’t have an attitude, become a great fashion designer and be a mom at the same time? I wanna be a mom! But… later. When I am older… I always wanted to have a family, though I dunno if that will happen”

“Why is that? You are pretty, you are smart and fun. And you can make terrific pies! What could possibly be wrong with you?”

“My head, probably”

He became silent, observing her while she was just contemplating the infinite. She had one elbow over the table, and her cheek resting on her open palm. Yukina was looking at something else, something that seemed to be too close and too far at the same time. In her eyes, he saw something that tightened up his chest to the point he felt it difficult to breath. Whatever she was thinking about, it was probably about the past. And probably something not nice… She was not thinking of her homeland or the rest of her family that still lived there. She was not thinking about her mom or her brothers, as those things would provoke a different expression, one filled with glee. 

That was something heavy and sad. Something that was buried inside her chest, but Karamatsu did not have the courage to ask. So he got up, went to her, and hugged her.

“Someday, you’ll be a terrific mom”

She was just like him. Yukina had her own set of dark shadows, whispering things in her ears, Karamatsu was sure of that. He wanted to know, but something told him that she was going to tell him… With time, some other day.

“You think so, Karaboy? Even when my omelets can make people have an astral journey?”

“You can charge for every astral journey and then buy cool toys to your kids” he said, chuckling a little bit. Her shoulders were trembling and he figured it out it was from her contained laughter “You could even have your own cult and earn tons of money! You could have pilgrims, festivals, maybe some weird rituals too!”

When she started laughing her ass off, Karamatsu knew that his job was done. 

After drinking more tea, Yukina offered to accompany Karamatsu to the nearest bus stop that went to his side of the town, as it was getting late and his family would be worried. Karamatsu accepted and started to prepare his things, but Yukina went to her room to change clothes again, as it was chilly at night. She get out of the room wearing her boyish clothes, covered with a heavy overcoat and all her piercings back in place. Karamatsu stared at her only a fraction of a second and turned back to his own business. 

“It never ceases to amaze me how can you hide your body with clothes. I mean, you have pronounced curves, how can you even… hide all that?”

It was actually an honest question, with no ill intentions, but he listened to what he said and blushed, turning around to check if she was angry at him. But Yuki just smiled, shrugging.

“It’s a talent, sweety. After some practice, you can do anything. Besides I know okamas and drag -queens who taught me”

“Wow… So… should I use another pronoun now?”

She shaked her head.

“Any one you want is fine by me. Honestly, I am using these ‘cause all my girl clothes are kind of short and we have to walk a few blocks”

Karamatsu nodded, finished packing up and then both of them started their journey to the bus stop.  They walked for a while, chatting about music and books, as Yukina wanted Karamatsu to read some series of novels she loved. They had to get out of the design district and go into the more common area, though it was still an expensive part of the town filled with also expensive shops. Both of them did not walked for that long, though the blocks were kind of long, but he began to recognize the streets.

“Oh, I think my brother works near”

“Which one?”

Karamatsu laughed, it was kind of fun that she asked that without even thinking about it. Maybe because she was used at him talking about them.

“Todomatsu, the youngest. Maybe he is still at work…?”

“Well, let’s check out. You can go home together if that’s the case”

They walked towards the street were Suutaba was. As they got near, Karamatsu saw a place with a giant  sign, saying they were looking for singers and performers for the night shift. Karamatsu kept looking at that place, it had some neon signs and the Windows were too dark to look through them, but the people that were waiting outside to get in looked like average dudes and gals.

Yukina followed his sight and laughed.

“That’s just a LGTBIQ bar, Karamatsu. You know, for gays, lesbians, okamas, asexuals, genderqueers like me… I’ve been here with my friends”

“Is it… a Nice place?” He felt like an idiot for asking, especially when Yukina looked at him with an expression that could only be translated as: You are an idiot.

“Of course it is, dumbass. It’s just a fucking bar. It’s a place where people can feel safe while drinking, eating and dancing. They have stand up shows and music shows, too. If you are expecting leather, dildos and lube coming out from the ceiling then you have to go to the north and pass the industrial district”

“No!” Karamatsu’s face was so red he could feel his ears burning “It’s just… I’ve never been on a gay bar before and… That sign over there says they are looking for performers. Maybe I could… You know… Work here?”

“That would be cool. Besides, the owner is a sweety. You should come here tomorrow and talk to him during the afternoon, before they open”

Karamatsu nodded and continued on his tracks after taking a mental note, so he could remember where the bar was. Even so, a bar with a name as curious as “Alterna” would be easy to find even if he got lost. Two more blocks and they were finally at Suutaba. It was still open, but they were surely going to close soon as it was getting dark. Karamatsu and Yukina came in, there were no clients whatsoever and there was a girl cleaning the tables and somebody behind the register, also cleaning. It was Todomatsu, who seemed to be completely focused on what he was doing to tell he was talking to his painful brother.

“Dear customer, we are terribly sorry, but we are closing. We can make you something to take out, but…” 

“ _ My brother!” _ as soon as he said that, Todomatsu got up with his eyes wide open, ready to tell his brother to get the fuck out, but Yuki was standing next to him and the sudden visión of somebody new made him stop in his tracks “We came to see you! You are closing, right? Want me to wait for you so we can go home together”

“W-well… Yeah, sure! I don’t mind. It’s nice being near my brother, right?” he made a “tehehe!” sound, and Karamatsu just had to control his own laughter, as his brother was faking so badly it was obvious even for him. Faking or not, Todomatsu was looking at Yuki, who just standing beside his older brother, smiling lightly while watching them interact “Oh, hi! You must be Karamatsu’s friend, right?”

Karamatsu made a “heh” pose, and then patted Yuki in her shoulder.

“Yes! Let me present you… Todomatsu, this is my dear friend Yuki. You can call him Yu” he realized too late he used again a male pronoun, but Yu didn’t complained, so he keep going “Yu, this is my youngest brother, Todomatsu”

“Pleasure to meet you, Todomatsu” Yuki said, using her deep voice as she gave her hand to shake Todomatsu’s hand. Totty responded immediately and returned the gesture “Karamatsu talks an awful lot about you. He’s always telling me nice stories about your misadventures together… He also said something about you being into fashion, too?”

“Yes! Ohh, I am so glad to finally meet you. Just forget whatever my silly brother told you. I am the very best of the sextuplets” one of his coworkers started laughing and his cheeks became red “I-I am! And… He also talks about you when we are at home. I was curious about how you would you be”

“Well, here I am. Liking what you see?”

Todomatsu laughed in his cutesy way again. Karamatsu let out a discreet  sigh of relieve… This could be a confirmation that all his fears about letting his friend near his brothers were completely unbiased, but he could never be too sure. After all, Totty was an expert manipulating people.

And they still did not know that Yuki was a woman. Just thinking about the mess they would make when they realized that, made him cringe. 

“Hehe! I do, actually! You seem pretty normal. I… Er, I mean, I was afraid my brother was hanging out with someone dangerous or something like that”

Yukina arched her brow and smiled.

“Oh? And what makes you think I am normal? I can do something pretty abnormal right now! You with me Karamatsu?”

“Sure! Can I pull down my pants?”

“ _ Of course _ you can pull down your pants! It is not weird enough if somebody’s underwear does not end up hanging from the ceiling”

They both laughed at Todomatsu’s expression, as he was screeching and begging them to behave. In the end, they promised they would be nice.

“Oh, don’t worry, we wouldn’t do that” Yukina said, her hands in her pockets “So, Kara told me you were studying something related to image? How’s that?”

“Yes!” Todomatsu seemed excited that somebody was paying attention to him. Karamatsu “Oh, but I have to finish here… Wait a moment, I’ll be out in a sec”

Yukina shrugged.

“Sure, we won’t disappear, right Karamatsu? Ah, do you have more lollipops?”

“Heh, for you my dear…” Karamatsu check out his pocket and took out five lollipops from it “I’ll always have”

“Cool!”

They waited outside for Totty, while sucking their lollipops and exchanging music from their cellphones like they always did. Yukina shared lively music, some songs that they used to play in nightclubs and a few remixes of classical music. When Todomatsu came out, they started their stroll to the bus stop. Totty started talking about the career he wanted to study, the materials he needed, the academy he was going to go and how excited he was to learn and meet new people.

“As expected of my little brother, he is always so full of energy” Karamatsu posed with his hand under his chin, nodding approvingly. He was actually pretty happy that Totty found something that he really liked and seeing him so excited was kind of new “I am pretty sure that you’ll do it great, Todomatsu”

“Thanks, nii-san. I told Choromatsu that he had to study too… He is not going to become an idol manager by just breathing air”

Yuki laughed, bumping on Karamatsu a little.

“That I can assure you. I work as a part-time model and met a lot of people in the industry. They always have to start from the bottom and learn a lot of stuff and take some crap from their superiors. And that’s only when they finish their studies and start their internship in an Idol agency”

Both brothers looked at her in awe.

“Internship?” asked at the same time, Yuki shaked her head side to side.

“Well, yes. You can’t be a manager out of nowhere. The internship it's what lets you get deeper into the business, but little by little. Before that, you need knowledge in financials, music management degree, business management degree, a driving license and be fluent in chinese, korean and english. You have to be in charge of the idols schedules and be with them 24/7, you have to know how the idol universe works, you have to make sure the deals are fair for your idols, that the place they will sing in is in proper conditions…”

“Wow, that does sounds… Complicated. And stressful” Todomatsu added, trying to imagine his older bother learning all that. He did not seemed capable, at least not in his opinion, but he knew Choromatsu and was sure that he could at least try it and give his best if all that could actually put him near an idol “We should tell this to Choromatsu. He still has time, right? He could at least work in an agency, even if he does not make it as a manager”

“Yes” Karamatsu nodded “Besides, he is the smartest of us. I am pretty sure that if he makes up his mind he could learn about economics and business in a flash. Well tell him when we get home”

“Oh!” Yuki suddenly clapped her hands together “That’s right, you are studying to become a personal image consultant, right? Karamatsu told me”

Totty smiled, a little ashamed while he made one of his cutesy poses.

“Yes. I thought I could help people to look good and feel good. But that’s nothing compared with fashion design, right? It’s not a big deal”

“If you like it and you wanna live working on it, then it is a big deal. Everything you learn has it’s own degree of difficulty, so don’t act like its nothing”

Todomatsu had not expected that. For a moment he was completely shaken and a little shocked at such an honest reply. He scanned Yu’s face in search of sarcasm or to tell if he was pretending, but he could not find anything. That was kind of odd, finding a person that was blatantly honest and looked at people right in their eyes while expressing himself.

_ “I am starting to realize why he is Karamatsu’s friend” _

“Well then… I haven’t started yet and I am nervous already. I’ll have my first class next Monday. I… I really want to do it right”

Karamatsu smiled, patting his younger brother’s head. Totty was actually nervous, he could tell, maybe because this was his first real step into the real world.

“And you will, brother. You are smart and you have a good fashion sense. I believe in you”

“Yeah! You’ll rock! A friend of mine finished that degree, too. I can borrow some of her study material if you want. It could help you”

“You… Would do that? Why?”

Yuki tilted her head.

“To help you? Besides, you won't have to spend all your money in books. Ah, Karamatsu, I also have to give you some notes about some exercises to sing louder with less effort”

“Thanks, Yuki. It’s not necessary”

“Meh, I don’t mind doing it” she shrugged “When I started living with Mikuru-nee and the rest we always did this kind of things for each other, so it wouldn’t be so hard. I mean, we always shared and helped each other, especially with school. How do you think I was able to finish high school or even start college in my condition?” Karamatsu nodded, but Todomatsu was just confused, so she explained herself “I live alone with my friend, and I have no family in this country to help me, so my friends and I had no choice”

“Oh, that must’ve been hard”

“It was. But leaving that aside, I like helping. So, if you want the material…”

“Yes, yes! Anything that can help me is good! I don’t wanna spend too much on books and ask for money from my parents”

“Awesome. Hey, here’s your bus stop” And it was. They talked so much that none of them noticed how they got there “I’ll go back home, now. I have to finish a few designs”

Karamatsu was concerned about leaving her go back alone, but Yukina calmed him and told him everything was going to be fine. Todomatsu, on the other hand, did not understand his brother’s concern, but he thanked Yuki for the help. They said their farewells and then saw Yuki walking back to her home, while they waited for the bus.

“Wow” Todomatsu said, as soon as Yuki was out of sight “Your friend is really something, huh?”

Karamatsu laughed, looking at the distance checking if the bus was coming.

“Yeah. He is like that, honest and direct. He does not like beating around the bush to say things”

“He seems nice. I’ve never met someone so eager to help”

Karamatsu smiled. If it wasn’t for Yu’s eagerness to help people, he would probably still be in his house, being his brother’s punching bag. Just to think that he met his friend by accident was almost hilarious to him, as it was just what he needed. Maybe God had something to do with it. It was too much coincidence to be just a whim of destiny.

“Yeah. He is a very good person. Anyway, any help you get for your studies is welcome, right?”

“Right. Though… Yuki does have a pretty face. A little girly, though. He must be a chick magnet, just like me!”

The older one just laughed a little awkwardly, glad that his brother did not realized that Yu was a gal. Though now his worries resurrected… What would his brothers do when they realized that he was hanging out with a female? Well, he had no other choice to wait and hope for the best.

And with that, they went back home.

 

\-------------------------

Osomatsu growled. He was still the only one awake, as the rest of his brothers were sleeping soundly in their futon. Todomatsu and Choromatsu were the first ones in going to bed, as they had classes. Since both of them started to study, their sleeping schedules were completely mixed, as they were the ones who had to sleep early to get up early, while he, Ichimatsu and Jyuushimatsu were still living their NEET lives and could go to sleep whenever they wanted. But now they had to be careful at in order to not wake their brothers in the middle of the night and they had to put up with the noises those two made when they got up in the morning.

It was so bothersome… Why did they have to study now? Everything was going too fast and, even if he wanted them to be happy, Osomatsu could not do anything but feeling that it was too soon. If those two started changing then it was not going to be too long before even Ichimatsu or Jyuushi tried to change too.

The worst was Karamatsu. Lately he was not sleeping at home. Every day he was getting up too early, even earlier than before and came back very late. Not only that, during Fridays, and all weekend up to Monday, he was barely seen at home. Sometimes he left for the whole weekend, calling to see how everybody was doing and to make sure that their parents did not worry. Other times he was home, then he left, then he came back after a few hours to spend some time with them, only to leave again.

Everything was too weird for him. Especially when Osomatsu, after a lot of observation, noticed that his brother had more money than usual. He was always buying food, or getting pudding for everybody. Sometimes he came back with new things for the house, like a new pot because the old one was too rusty, a perfume for their mother, new toys for Suzu. It was weird. Too weird. He had to know what was going on.

Osomatsu heard some noises outside their room and he immediately pretended to be sleeping. The door was open and somebody started walking around in a very stealthy way… Osomatsu took a sneak peek to see Karamatsu taking off his clothes to put his pajamas on. His brother surely knew how to be stealthy. Or he just learned how in order to not get caught, the same way that he learned to keep secrets from them? It almost felt like Karamatsu did not care about them anymore, keeping secrets, going away, not telling them stuff.

Yes, they used to be bad in the past, but that was not enough reason to be all secretive , right? It’s not like they did something too terrible, they just teased him a little. Not a big deal. He was just exaggerating, that was all.

Osomatsu waited. Karamatsu got into his pj’s, went to his side of the bed and closed his eyes. Osomatsu did not move until he was sure that Karamatsu was snoring.   Then, and only then, he got up himself and walked quietly to check his brother’s stuff. First he checked his jacket, but there was nothing in it. Then, his trousers… 

“Ahá…” he mumbled to himself, biting his lip.

There it was. His brother’s wallet was filled with money. It was like that every time he came back after leaving for all the weekend. Osomatsu opened it up, only to check… And something fell from it. As quietly as he was able, Osomatsu crouched so he could grab whatever had fallen from the wallet, only to see it was a business card.

It was dark purple with it’s letters in shiny metal.

**_“Nightclub Alterna. Come and have a good time”_ **

_ What the fricken fuck…? _

Something made a sound. Osomatsu put the card in his pajama pocket and let the wallet where he found it, turning around. Karamatsu’s phone was there, vibrating. None of his brothers reacted to the noise, so he took his chance and look at the screen. His idiot brother did not put the password and he could now see the messages. Karamatsu was getting a text from his friend… Curious, Osomatsu pressed one button and the message opened up.

_ “Goodnight, Karamatsu. You did great today. When are you going to invite me to your place? We still have our lessons and I wanna meet your family” _

Osomatsu’s lips curved in a wicked smile, reaching  his hand towards the cell phone.

This was going to be fun.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. Sorry if the chapters are like, too vague. I would have to write a biblical testament in order to advance the plot in just one chapter. but don't worry, after the next chapter we will dive into the plot!
> 
> Or at least, that's what I hope xD
> 
> Any suggestion, correction, theorie or whatever are encouraged and can be sent in the comments.
> 
> Thanks to my beta reader and to my lovely readers!


	10. Do not disturb

He couldn’t breath.

It was difficult to move, also. It was like his whole body was constricted by something hard that squeezed him harder  the more he tried to escape. Karamatsu opened his eyes and his mouth, trying to inhale a mouthful of air and see what was going on. He was again in that odd place, with the walls in different colours covered in things and the dark, gooey floor. There was no roof this time… But the red wall was still there, dripping, trying to contamínate everything in that red liquid it was secreting. 

He looked at his sides, seeing his brothers there, with him. Those were not his shadows, the ones that could transform in disgusting monsters, they were his brothers, the real deal. They were all trapped in his thick, red thread. Choromatsu and Todomatsu were pulling away, trying to escape from the powerful grip that those thousands of threads seemed to have… But Jyuushi and Ichi were in fetal position over the ground, completely covered in that red thing to the point where they could not move.

“Oh my god…” Karamatsu swallowed hard. The thread, the red liquid, it was everywhere, swarming from the red wall and trying to cover everything. It was almost as terrifying as the shadow matsus, the voices in his head, when they were changing forms.

Karamatsu looked at himself. He was wrapped too, being pressed and constricted. The red thread become tighter with every movement, and the more he wanted to escape, the more it compressed him.

**_“Now, now…”_ **

With a gasp, he turned around to confront the owner of that voice. From the red wall, the other Karamatsu came out. He was using his old perfect fashion, smiling in such a wicked way he could not stop trembling. The voices resonated again, repeating over and over how useless he was, how unloved and ignored he was. They made him remember every time his brothers left him aside, every time they punched him or just plainly ignored his existence. 

The shadows of his brothers came out from the red wall too. They and the other Karamatsu lifted their hands, only to reveal that they all had this red thread, that it was coming out from their arms. More thread came out from their hands, going directly towards them to squeeze them so hard that his whole body hurted.

Two of his brothers were screaming in pain. Jyuushi and Ichi became completely covered, to the point that their bodies could not be seen. He himself was being wrapped over and over, every red rope more tight than the other. Only one of his brothers was nowhere to be seen… Was he trapped too? Was he alright?

As soon as Karamatsu tried to call them, a lot of threads covered his mouth. Karamatsu felt his chest aching, his ears pounding so hard that he could feel the pressure at the sides of his head. Unable to move, Karamatsu could only watch as his brothers were squeezed and dragged into the red wall.

The other Karamatsu laughed. He tried to move his head to look at him and, as before, his blue hoodie started to become red.

**_“I told you I had allies…”_ **

A new thread came out of his hand, going straight at him.

And everything went dark.

 

“Aah!”

He looked at his surroundings. He was in his room, his five brothers sleeping soundly at his sides. Karamatsu was feeling his own heart pounding hard against his ribcage, his whole body trembling as he was recovering from the horrible dream he just had. He could not remember everything in it… Just enough to feel his stomach become weak and unsettled. The threads, the laughter, his brothers in pain, he himself being hurt. What was the meaning of that? Hisoka told him that his dreams were his mind’s way of expressing things he was repressing but… What could he be repressing that involved his brothers being hurt? He clenched his fists over his knees, trying to to breathe like his doctor had taught him so he would not start to hyperventílate. 

Everything was spinning around him, moving faster and faster. He had to calm down, stay strong, so he would not wake up his brothers and make them worry. With that on mind, Karamatsu closed his eyes and waited for a few minutes until his heart stopped racing like a horse. Then, and only then, he began to breathe in slowly.

_ I can do it. I can do it. I will not be defeated by a nightmare. I am strong… _

Breathe in,  hold it. Breathe out. Breathe in, inflating your stomach. Exhale through your nose. Breathe in. Exhale.

His whole body started to relax.  As soon as he regained control over himself, he decided to get up and leave the room before he ended up waking his dear brothers. He changed his PJs into a comfortable sweatpants, a shirt and one of his grey hoodies with a blue pine print on it. He would see If he could manage to eat something this morning, he could use this early awakening to go to the park and work out, so he grabbed his cellphone and went to the kitchen… But, sadly for him, Karamatsu only managed to drink a cup of tea as whenever he tried to eat something solid his stomach complained.

Damn.

It was pretty early, actually. He was used to it, cause he woke up early every day to work out and talk to Yu over the phone, but it was Saturday and he wanted to rest after all the hard work from the previous day. He was thinking about going to jog at the park and eat something there, when somebody knocked the door.

“Huh? Who could be at this hour…?”

He went to the front hall and opened the door, only to be greeted by a cell phone screen being pushed in front of his eyes.

“Karamatsu!! What’s the meaning of this?!”

“Yu?! What the…?”

“Shut up and answer,  _ cazzo _ !”

For some reason he could not even understand, his friend was in his front door, dressed in her boyish clothes, with an angry expression and one of her fists on her hips. 

“Why are you here at this hour?!”

Yuki made a weird expression, but she still looked angry.

“What the… You told me to come!” she answered, looking a little confused  “Don’t you remember? I sent you a message, congratulating you for your hard work. You told me I could come here at this hour, because you would be awake” then she became angry again  “Then you started to send me dick pictures! And told me that you did not want to see me anymore! You even sent me a lot of porn videos! What the hell, Karamatsu…? I mean, I know you did not send me those videos, but… You… Don’t wanna be friends anymore?”

Karamatsu stood completely silent. He did not knew how to react to all that: Yuki being in his house, angry, telling him that he invited her… Then the pictures and videos… It was all too much. He remembered something of his dream, a tight rope against his body, and he needed to hold himself on the door frame as his knees became week.

“Karamatsu…” She came to his aid, and tried to help him “My, you look like  _ merde _ … Hey… Sorry, I did not meant to yell at you, I was angry” She sighed “You probably don’t even remember sending those messages…”

“W-wait… Ah, here, come inside. I wanna read them…”

Yuki nodded and help him to get into the house. Karamatsu guided her, so they could go to the kitchen and sit down, but she used the chance to prepare a tea for both of them, looking at Karamatsu with her green, concerned eyes.

“Hey… Are you alright? What’s wrong?”

Karamatsu sighed and took the cup of tea, taking a sip.

“It’s just… Well, my dreams”

“Ah” Yuki sat next to him, her hands holding her cup “I understand. You know, sometimes when you have midnight terror, you can also have some episodes of somnambulism and do things you don’t remember. So maybe…?”

“Y-yeah, probably” he tried to smile to make her feel better and took her phone to read the messages. As she said, he had sent her messages telling her to come early to his house so they could hang out. That was weird on its own, as he could not remember sending those messages, but the hour of the messages matched with the time he came home and went to sleep.

But things became nasty as soon as he scroll down to see more, when the dick pics and porn videos showed up. They weren’t normal porn videos, not that sending those kind of things to anybody without their consent was something excusable because there were “normal” videos, but the fact that somebody sent such disgusting videos showing different kinds of gross kinks using his cellphone was... It was revolting, to say the least.

“Dear god, this is so disgusting. I am sorry that you had to see this… I… I would never! I am not that kind of guy!”

Yukina sighed, playing with her mug.

“Yeah, I know _ , escuza _ … I didn’t have to yell at you, I know you would never send me those things. I… was angry about those ‘I dun wanna see u again’ texts. I should’ve known it was probably a prank”

“This must’ve been one of my brothers work. I am truly, really sorry” he couldn’t apologize enough. Which one of his brothers did this was a mystery to him, but he was going to find out sooner or later. Karamatsu could not allow this kind of behavior or pranks being done to his friend, especially something so… Demeaning as sending those videos. It was humiliating and gross, it was no wonder that Yukina was so mad at first even when she knew that Karamatsu was unable to do such a thing  “I’ll smash their skulls as soon as they wake up. Well, only three skulls, as Choromatsu and Jyuushimatsu would not do something like this”

“Mmh. Normally I would tell you not to do it but, in this circumstance, you can crush them to your heart’s desire… Well… I am sorry for yelling at you. It was stupid.”

“No, no.”  He answered quickly, giving her back her phone as he took his own phone to check it out. Yes. Those text messages were sent from his phone, there was no doubt  “You have a good reason to be mad, so don’t worry. I would be mad too if I were you. I am just glad that you did not try to punch me as soon as you saw me”

“Well, what can I say? It’s a shame ruining that pretty face of yours”

Karamatsu laughed, feeling better already. It was easy forgetting about those dreams when he was near his friend and her silly jokes.

“I’m also sorry that you had to come here so early in the morning too”

“Meeeh, don’t worry about it. I always get up at this hour, anyway” she moved his hand to dismiss his worries, before drinking all of her tea in a single sip. Karamatsu did the same “So, you were going to work out like always, right?”

“Yeah, I was intending to…” but then again, he was feeling quite down at first. Maybe now he had  the motivation for it.

“I can go with you. You know, for moral support and to measure how long does it take you to finish every exercise. It could be fun! Besides, I am already here and I am too hyped to go back to sleep now”

“Don’t you have classes today?”

“ _ No _ ” she answered in italian and he felt a chill going down his spine. That sounded kind of nice, the way she pronounced things in her own language. Now that he payed closer attention, it was the first time ever that he was able to hear Yuki using her mother language… And it sounded good. He was taking a mental note about it, so he could remember to ask her to use it more frequently “Free day. So? Wanna go to work out?”

In the end, he accepted. Karamatsu drank some water and started stretching on the living room while Yuki took the time to erase all those dirty things that someone send to her phone. At a moment, Yuki looked at him and told him that he was not stretching his legs in the right way.

“You’ll end up with cramps, dude. Want some help…?

“Well, I guess…”

 

Todomatsu groaned. There was too much noise and it was difficult to sleep, which made him grumpy. He needed his beauty sleep, he had to charge his batteries to excel in his classes but, for some reason, there was a lot of yelling in his house. The rest of his brothers did not seemed to mind, they were still sleeping, but he was getting kind of pissed with his sleep being interrupted like that.

He went to the living room, ready to Yell like a banshee to make sure that whoever was making so much noise stopped it already, but he ended up freezing in front of the door.

“How does this feel, Karamatsu?”

There were noises. Weird noises behind the door. Todomatsu tried to listen some more to figure out what was happening. 

“It… Damn… It… Hurts”

His brother was there, with somebody else. Making… noises.

“Hush now, it’ll feel better soon… Here… Put your leg on my shoulder”

“G-god, it’s…!”

“There… You are flexible, Karamatsu!… Now… I’ll move, okay?”

“Okay… Ow, ow! Slower!”

“Sorry! Here… How about this?”

_ Oh my fucking god… _ Todomatsu stayed there, a lot of images going through his mind. He tried to tell himself to calm down, that it was probably not what he was thinking, but those things they were saying did not left too much to imagination.

“Yes… that feels good, Yuki. Can you do it harder?”

“My, my, Karamatsu…”

“Oh god, don’t make this weird, please”

There was laughter and then Karamatsu made a muffled sound. Totty swallowed hard and opened the door a little bit to see what was happening.

“Alright, harder it is…”

“Damn!”

Todomatsu opened his eyes, spying from the door. He gasped at the sight of his older brother in the ground with another guy on top of him. Karamatsu’s upper clothes were up, so his abs could be seen, he had his leg over Yuki’s shoulder and Yuki was over him, pressing, panting.

_ Oh my god, this is so disgusting! How can he be so lewd?! I’ve seen enough! _

Totty got up and ran again to their room, trying his best to forget everything he saw. In the living room, however, Karamatsu grunted one last time before Yuki let go of his legs.

“There! Now your legs are properly stretched. How are you feeling?”

“Odd” Karamatsu said, moving his legs up and down “I’ve never stretched like that before, it’s like… I am feeling muscles I did not knew I had”

“Yeah. At least you are kind of flexible, so it helps. So… We should be going, right?”

“Yeah. Let's go to the park”

Both of them grabbed their stuff and went to the park to do some exercise. It was a nice, warm day after all and the park was almost empty at that hour. Karamatsu began running in the park, while Yuki used the stop watch  on her cellphone to take his time. While he was running and training, Karamatsu could not stop thinking about all those messages and dirty pics that his friend received from his own cellphone. Karamatsu was sure that he had never send anything like that, not even if he had an episode of somnambulism.

It had to be one of his brothers, but which one? Choromatsu would rather die before doing something so disrespectful towards anyone, Jyuushimatsu was a giant “no” from the start. The left only Ichimatsu, Todomatsu and… Osomatsu.

Who could it possibly be?   Why would one of his brothers do something like this? It was a revenge? Just a practical joke? Karamatsu kept training and thinking, and the more he thought his head felt heavier and in pain. Ichimatsu was a weird dude, but he wouldn’t send those hideous videos to somebody he did not know, unless he was taking revenge on something. Todomatsu always wanted to be “cute” and he was pretty sure that those dick pictures weren’t his, as he was always shaving and nothing was shaved in the picture.

That only left to one person.

**_“I told you we had allies out there”_ **

Karamatsu felt the world trembling under his feet. His head became heavy and a strange pressure invaded it’s right side. His body felt weak as the memory of the black thread came into his mind, trapping everybody like a spider’s web. His stomach hurt and then, while his body became weaker, everything started to fade away.

“Karamatsu!!”

Blackness surrounded him and then he could not think anymore.  Everything felt fuzzy and strange. The only image in his head was this thread trying to get at him, a very thick, sticky, red thread. Red, red as blood. Karamatsu opened his eyes when he felt something cold against his forehead. He did not known how the heck he got there, but he was now in a bench and his friend was putting something cold over him. Yuki’s expression was filled with worry… He felt the need to get up almost immediately, but Yuki pushed him down so he would stay still.

“Don’t move, idiot. You’ll get worse if you do… How are you feeling?”

“Bad.” He moved his head and realized he was over Yuki’s lap. He took just a second to enjoy the sensation of being over a girl’s soft lap, before realizing what he was doing and he looked straight at the sky, his face completely red “It feels like I’ve been hit by a car”

“You do look like you were hit by a car or something.”  Yuki laughed a little, before searching for something in his bag “Maybe you have low blood pressure… Did you eat properly before working out?”

“Well…” 

The reality was that he had not eaten a single thing. He did not had the courage to say it out loud, but Yu seemed to know it just by looking at him into the eye, so he just sighed and take out a pack of cracker from his bag.

“Here, have this. Don’t do this again, it could be dangerous”

“I know… My dreams…”

“I know. I have them too. Here, eat” Yuki said nothing more, as he was helping Karamatsu to stand up straight. Karamatsu tried to fight the dizziness breathing slowly, and took the pack of crackers. His own hands were shaking. Working out in his state was not a good idea “I’ll go buy something to drink. I had water, but I put it on your head “ Yuki said, showing him the cold, wet handkerchief he had over his head without noticing “What about some coke? That will pump up your engines”

“Yes, that would be good” Yuki got up, ready to go to the nearest vending machine, but Karamatsu grabbed him by his hand “You… have them too?  Do you mind telling me?”

Karamatsu contemplated as his friend looked straight at him, not saying a word. Then, still silent, Yuki sat again next to him, took his hand and made him put it under his shirt. Karamatsu tried to take away his hand in an instinctive reaction, but Yuki restrained him.

“It’s okay. I won’t do anything bad”

He swallowed hard. Yuki made him put his hand in her waist, in the side of her back. Then he make him press a little bit, so he could feel something. After the initial softness of the skin,  Karamatsu was able to feel something more: A piece of skin that felt different, rough and kind of hard. He just had to touch a little to feel the pattern of that thing, large and a little round in the center.

It was a scar.

“Yuki… What the…?”

“This is what I dream about. Remember… I…had it rough. Now…” he took away Karamatsu’s hand, smiling at him before turning on his heels “I’ll buy us some coke. Eat that, okay?”

Karamatsu nodded, opening the package to eat a few crackers while looking at his friend leaving. That was indeed a scar. It was  not a simple battle scar, as he had enough battles during his teenage years and he knew how they look and how they felt. No, that was something more that punches, a baseball bat or a kick. That must’ve been a scar caused by a knife. Just what situation was Yuki in to receive such a wound? He was scared just to think about it. 

For now, he decided to ignore it. He knew that Yuki would tell him when he felt ready, not before, so he did not wanted to pressure him. For now, he just focused on clearing his head using the breathing exercises and eating the crackers, as it was actually doing some good. The more he ate, the more the pain in his head decreased.

Though that weird sensation in his chest whenever he remembered the red thread was probably not leaving anytime soon.

His friend came back with two cans of soda and they stayed in the bench, drinking while he told Yuki about his dreams and the fights he had with his older brother. He also told him all the progress his brothers made, starting to study and all that.

“Now only three of us have to find something to do. I wish this would be easy, but… Ichimatsu has trouble talking to people and Jyuushi is kind of weird sometimes. And Osomatsu… Well… He does not want to grow up. At least, that’s what I think”

“Don’t worry, the world will make him grow up, sooner or later. No one can survive in this world without growing up”

“I’ve come to realize that, but he can not see it. I wonder if he will someday.”

Yuki drank from his soda, shrugging.

“Unless your parents are immortal and you can live forever without a job, then he won’t see it. But your parents are just humans who will die someday. And you can’t live forever in their house. You can’t live forever together”

Karamatsu made a grimace. Those words were true, but they also hurted.

“That was… a little rude, don’t you think?”

“Probably, but it’s also the truth. Why? You are going to let him waste his life away until it's too late? I am being honest here, you have to live your own lives as individuals”

“I know”

“You said you wanted to fall in love and get married. No woman on earth will accept you with your five brothers attached to your back”

Karamatsu sighed. He knew his friend was right and that Yuki was just trying to help him in his blunt  way, but making Osomatsu understand that was easier said than done. He took a deep breath again and leaned over Yuki’s shoulder.

“I know. I want to improve too and get a life. We just have to work harder” he stiffened for a moment, as he felt something in his head. It took him half a minute to realize it was Yuki’s hand, caressing his head.

“I know you can do it, Karamatsu. Now rest a little, before I take you home”

“You’ll probably meet the rest of my brothers”

Yuki chuckled.

“I think I’ll survive”

“Even if they are weird perverts?”

“I can punch them. Don’t worry, as long as they don’t sacrifice animals and dance naked under full moon, then I won’t be scared”

Karamatsu thought that there was a little chance that some of them probably did something like that, but he did not say it. After all, he could not keep his friend as a secret forever. It was better to end this at once, put Yuki in the pit with the lions and see how everything goes.

He just hoped no one got hurt in the process.

 

“They were doing what?!”

Todomatsu had his head against the kotatsu. He was not able to bear what he saw that morning by himself, as he was not strong enough. The sound, the words, everything kept coming back no matter what he did to forget about it, so he ended up telling the rest of his brothers. If he could not un-think it, then they had to suffer too.

Choromatsu had his mouth wide open, like big O. Jyuushimatsu had his normal goofy expression, Ichimatsu looked like he was about to take a dump over the table and Osomatsu was frowning so hard he was about to erase the rest of his facial features. Right now Todomatsu was convinced that telling them about it was not a good idea, but he couldn’t take it anymore.

“I… I… It was… They were… I mean, I believe they had their clothes on…? I’m not sure, I just peeked a little and ran away, but…”

Osomatsu slammed his fists against the table.

“I knew it! That bastard is taking advantage of Karamatsu!”

Choromatsu scratched the back of his head, completely confused. This was something he was not expecting, not in his weirdest dreams.

“But… I don’t know, Karamatsu was never interested in… Well, he always liked girls like us, right? Why would he suddenly…?”

“That’s what I am saying! This idiot is messing with his head, confusing him! Karamatsu is dumb enough to be dragged into something like that as soon as somebody tells him that they love him”

“Mmh” Ichimatsu caressed Suzu’s head, who was purring right into his lap “We can always ask Nyanko… Put him near this Yuki and ask questions… If he wants. But I don’t think so… Not even Kusomatsu is that stupid. Right, Jyuushi?”

The yellow one moved his body like a pendulum, always smiling and laughing in his crazy way.

“Yeah! I’ve met him! They don’t have that kind of relationship! Besides, Karamatsu is a total seme and Yuki is a total uke. Tsundere uke! Dere dere uke!”

The four brothers looked at him like he has gone bonkers, but Osomatsu growled a little. Everybody knew that Jyuushi always had a way to find out people’s true intentions and now he was spoiling his chance to make everybody see this Yuki guy true colours. As soon as Jyuushi said those word, the rest started to mumble that maybe they were overreacting a little bit. After all, there was always an explanation for something, like that time when everybody thought that Karamatsu and Ichimatsu were into weird things and it ended up being a misunderstanding.

Osomatsu was not in the mood to stand that, so he searched in his pants and put his gold card over the table. It was going to be a secret, but if his brothers were going to doubt his judgement, then he had no choice but use it.

“Guys, look at this! I found it in Karamatsu’s things. I know, I shouldn’t touch his things, but he has been out too much lately and you probably not noticed, but he has more money than he has ever had. So I was curious and  maaaaaaybe I needed some yen to go to pachinko, when I found this.” Osomatsu showed the card he found in Karamatsu’s wallet to his brothers. The silver letters were shining under the electric light. 

Todomatsu gasped, recognizing that place.

“Oh my god! I know that place! I mean… It’s near Suutaba. It’s…”

“Yes, Totty? What is it?”

“It is a…. A Gay bar” everybody became silent, looking at the card “So maybe… Then Karamatsu is…? But, why hasn’t he told us anything?”

Choromatsu took the card, looking straight at it. Honestly, he did not really care if his older brother liked girls, boys or unicorns, but he was a little sad that he hadn’t said a thing to them. But, if he thought about it, it was kind of natural that Karamatsu tried to keep it a secret. After all, the five of them did nothing but mistreat him for years and Karamatsu may have forgive them… But they knew in their hearts that the damage was too deep to just accept that and act like nothing happened. After all, the very own Karamatsu said himself that he could not really forgive them, that day when he and Ichimatsu found the cat.

“Maybe because not too long ago, we would have laughed at him for being different”

Choromatsu realized a little too late that he actually said that out loud instead of thinking it. Everybody was looking at the table, too ashamed to face the truth. They were never sorry for their actions, they never even cared about Karamatsu’s feelings or thought before all of this started. Even if Karamatsu came to forgive them… The damage was already done and they knew that their relationship would never be the same.

“We have to make sure that this guy it's not messing with his head” Osomatsu insisted, still frowning. Ichimatsu sighed.

“We should let him be…. He’ll tell us when he feels like it”

“No. It’s our job. We have to make sure he is not doing something weird. Where the heck does he get all that money, huh? In a gay bar? Aren’t you worried?”

He was using his brother’s feelings for his own sake, but it was for a good cause. At least, he was convinced about it, until the front door was open.

“Family, I am home!”

Osomatsu got up in an instant, ready to open the living room door to his brother and start the interrogation. But as soon as he did, instead of meeting with Karamatsu’s face, he was right in front of somebody new. It was a heart shaped face, with big, green eyes in them and thick eyebrows. Though it was kind of feminine, this person radiated confidence and a little bit of toughness. Osomatsu took a step back, looking at this new person who just smiled at him at the same time that Karamatsu appeared right behind of them. Was that Yuki? He was tall and seemed to be kind of  stocky , but he did not seemed to be a very strong or dangerous person. He even looked normal.

_ Damn _

“Oh, brothers, you are here! Come, Yuki. I want to introduce you” Yuki moved aside, letting Karamatsu enter into the room before himself, then Karamatsu hugged his friend by his shoulder. 

“Everyone, this is my friend Yuki. I am glad you are all here, so I can introduce you properly. Yuki, these are my brothers: Osomatsu, Ichimatsu and Choromatsu. You already know Totty and Jyuushi”

“Well, yes. I can’t forget all those baseball lessons, right?”

Jyuushimatsu jumped right away.

“Yeah!”

Osomatsu stepped back, going to the kotatsu to sit down. Totty and Jyuushi greeted the stranger too eagerly for his taste, but as soon Karamatsu and the new guy sat down, Choromatsu started to ask questions.

“I am Choromatsu. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Karamatsu talked about you an awful lot… So, what do you do for a living?”

“Nice to meet you too.”  Yuki answered, smiling at him. “Well, he also talked about you a lot… Mh, I work in a maid café and also I am a part time model. Our clients normally are foreign brands, sometimes costume stores or things like that. There was a time I had to pretend I was a zombie, it was awesome”

“So… you have two part-time jobs?! How do you do it? You must tell me!”

“Hum… With effort and a lot of hard work? I mean, I have to pay for my education and living somehow”

“Ohhh yes, you also study! How… How does that thing of designing work? I mean, what do you have to do…?”

“Well….”

Karamatsu sat, watching how his brothers became completely absorbed in Yu’s explanation of the whole process of designing a collection of clothes. He even take out his sketchbook to make a few simple designs and then explained how he passed all that into the computer for improvement. Yu explained a lot about fabrics, accessories, and styles, and they all seemed kind of interested about it, but probably it was because Yuki talked with a lot of passion about his career. It was probably the first time the sextuplets were in front of somebody who had actually a plan for his life and was doing something that they loved.

He hoped from the bottom of his heart that this encounter would lead to something good. They could receive some of Yu’s good influence, after all.

Ichimatsu moved a little bit, slowly pointing to a design of a series of different hoodies and dresses that imitated cats. They had cat ears, cat patterns, cat paws or things like that. The purple Matsuno smiled, looking at them while petting his cat.

“This ones. I like them. I would wear them”

“Ohhh, you like cats too?” Yuki smiled brightly and Ichimatsu blushed, hugging himself to the point he looked smaller, but he was actually happy to meet somebody who liked cats  “Well, I do too. So I wanted to make a set of clothes with cat-like features. They are unisex, so when I make one I’ll be sure to tell you, so you can buy one. Normally I design  _ haute couture, _ but I have to be able to make more simple designs that normal people can wear.”

“You have to try a lot of styles too, right?” Totty asked, looking at the sketchbook “How exciting!”

Osomatsu made a grimace, again. Why was everybody suddenly in love with this dude?

“Did it hurt when you had your piercings done?”

“Not the ones in my ears, but the one in my eyebrow hurt a little”

“Is it microdermal?”

“Hell no. I need to be able to take it out for work. It’s forbidden to be in the café wearing them, as we have to be in the kitchen every now and then”

“Ohhh.”

Everybody was asking questions, chatting nicely. It was just a normal conversation to have with a new person, which was making Osomatsu a little bit angry and uncomfortable. Everybody began to forget about their previous conversation, it was like this guy’s smile was making them forget their doubts and fears. Even he found himself laughing when Yuki cracked a joke. This was not good, he had to keep his cool. This guy was a weirdo, he was the one changing Karamatsu.

“So...” Osomatsu grinned, being himself again. He had to regain his composure. “Are you two a couple? Did you made it official?”

Everybody became silent, and he laughed in his mind. Yuki and Karamatsu looked at each other in complete silence, then looked back to Osomatsu and then started to laugh their asses off. They were laughing so hard that tears were falling from their eyes while patting and hitting the table. Even Jyuushimatsu started to laugh, too, always with that goofy expression of his.

“That’s rich Osomatsu!” That was Yuki, holding his ribs. “Now tell me one with cowboys.”

“W-what? You aren’t…?”

Karamatsu looked again at his friend, and they were both trying to hold their laughter. But they couldn’t and started again with it.

“No.”  He said, still snickering and trembling with laughter. 

“No, we are just friends, really. We don’t see each other like that, what made you think such a thing? I mean, I know my handsomeness is something out of this world, but…”

Yuki snickered, and hit Karamatsu in his ribs with his elbow.

“Excuse me?” Yuki turned around, slapping Karamatsu in the back on his head  “Don’t start bragging about your handsomeness, dude. It has noooo effect on me whatsoever. Besides, I am more attractive than you are. And more flexible too! You should’ve heard him, crying like a baby while I tried to help him stretch his legs today. He was all like: ‘Ohhh, nggh… Noo, it hurts!’ Blah, blah, blah. Moooron”

“What? Stretching…? Then…”

Totty became pale, looking at the rest of his brothers for a moment before they all started to snicker and laugh a little, suddenly everybody start to feel like an idiot for all the assumptions they made. After all, it was Karamatsu who they were talking about. Totty was even crying of laughter, remembering  what he thought he saw and how he felt when he thought that his brother and his friend were doing immoral things in the house.

“Yeah. But the idiot forgot to eat and he fainted before he could finish his routine”

“I said I was sorry!”

Yuki shook his head side to side, still looking at Karamatsu like he was a poor, adorable fool. Osomatsu arched his brow.

“Oh, my bad. I thought you were a couple, after all, I can’t think of more reasons for getting along so well with him. He can be really painful sometimes”

“He is not painful to me. Besides, I like the way he says things and his clothes. I just like him in general, like… You know, it’s fun. Besides, once you start to know him better and you can see  past those layers of painfulness, there’s a lovely cinnamon roll hidden. You just have to find it and take it out”

“Yukiiii” Karamatsu was blushing like crazy, avoiding his brothers gaze. “Don’t call me that!”

“What? You don’t like cinnamon? What about a chiffon cake? A meringue? Oh, I know, mochi! I can compare you to mochi, right? Like, it is a Japanese treat so it fits you.”

Karamatsu ended up covering his face in shame with all the cutesy bakery-like nicknames that Yuki made for him, especially when even his brothers started to make comments like that. Doubts about this friend of Karamatsu were fading, as he was talking with the Matsus in a carefree way, telling them about their cooking lessons, school, work, and a lot of stuff that Osomatsu lost track of the conversation. He was just there, smiling every now and then while looking at this new face that just intruded into their lives from nowhere, trying to figure out why his brothers were so smitten by it.

Even he fell to his charms every now and then, and had to remind himself that he did not trust the guy so that he wouldn’t end up forgetting about his doubts, just like his brothers.

This guy was kind of fun and certainly was interesting, with his neverending tales and stories. He also was kind of weird, maybe because he was foreigner and had a different way of moving, acting and speaking. He was straightforward, as he did not hesitate a single second to tell Totty that in his country his clothes were considered “too feminine”.

“I know that here in Japan you have the concept that beautiful men have to look a lot like women, or act and dress very cute… But in our country, that’s just... Well… We go for the macho men, ya know? Leather jacket, jeans, muscles, tans, ripped shirts. A word of advice, don’t go alone to Italy’s countryside… You’ll end up tied in a pole, upside down, in the middle of a corn field with a corncob in your mouth”

“But whyyyyy?! That’s no fair!”

“I know. That’s why I am warning you! They will see you and think that you swing for the other team”

“But I don’t!” Totty protested, completely red and shaken.

“Yeah… You won’t convince anyone with those clothes, man. Clothes have no sexual orientation but, you know, the countryside is like that”

The rest laugh at Todomatsu’s expenses, but the conversation took a different turn when Jyuushi started babbling again about baseball, which ended up in a heated discussion between Yuki and Jyuushi about which sport was better, baseball or football. Osomatsu just stared at them… Yes, that person did seemed kind of nice. It was kind of entertaining talking to them, even if his accent was weird, even if he moved a lot his hands and sometimes he raised his voice too much.

Then, why did he have this weird feeling about him? What was wrong with this dude? He was just Karamatsu’s friend and he seemed to get along with all of his brothers, he even did a lot to help Karamatsu in this hard time of his. He should be thankful. He should be bowing to him, telling Yuki that it was nice that Karamatsu found him before his depression became too deep. He had to thank him for making Karamatsu smile again and look bright and happy. 

But he couldn’t. He just couldn’t, not yet. He was asking himself what the heck was wrong with him, when one of his brothers asked Yuki to stay for dinner, even though it was still early.

“ _ Ah, grazie _ !” He said, using his musical mother language. “But it’ll have to be another day, as I have plans for tonight. Sorry!”

Choromatsu clacked his tongue.

“That’s a shame. Well, you can stay next time. So, tell me, you are a model, right? Have you ever met any idols?”

“Ugh, don’t even get me started on idols…”

They all chatted for a while, until it was snack time. Then Yuki grabbed his stuff, saying his goodbyes to everybody and Karamatsu walked him out to the door. Osomatsu felt kind of weird, even when the new person was out of their house.  The uneasiness did not fade even when the rest of the day passed as any other day would have. It became thicker at night, with Karamatsu dressing himself up after dinner with his best leather pants and jacket.

“My dear brothers, I will go out tonight” he said, grabbing his wallet, his ID, his glasses and his guitar case “Don’t worry, though. I’ll be back for lunch and bring you something. You can text me anytime, but don’t call unless it’s an emergency, alright? I won’t be able to hear the phone”

Ichimatsu, rubbing his cat’s belly, barely looked up.

“Are you going out with Yu tonight?”

“That’s right, brother. Sometimes it gets kind of noisy, so remember, don’t…”

“Yeah, yeah, we heard you the first time!” Totty complained, getting into the room while hitting Karamatsu in the hips with his own hips “Go have some fun! But try to invite us, next time. Or are you ashamed of your lovely brothers, mhh?”

“Not at all, brother. I just hang out with Yuki… Though he did said something about going to karaoke with you. We’ll see”

Karamatsu didn’t had the heart to tell his brother that he was actually afraid of them finding out Yuki’s true gender and then screwed everything up. At least they weren’t going crazy because he was going out, which was a good thing. After all, he did not want them to know his secret. He said goodbye to his brothers and left the house, leaving everything behind him… Even his older brother, who was looking at the door with a grim expression.

“Guys. We have to follow him”

The four Matsus turn their heads around, looking at the eldest with perplexed faces because they couldn't even believe what they were listening. Choromatsu groaned, cratching the back of his head.

“And why is that? Are you already thinking in doing one of your stupid pranks, shitty eldest? We met his friend, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s  not. Sure, we met his friend and he seems nice, but we still don’t know where is he getting so much money or where is he going at night. And what about that club card? We don’t know shit!”

“Hmmm” Jyuushimatsu stretched his whole body, leaning against the window “Yeah, we don’t know about that. He has not told us anything but, shouldn’t we ask him first? Maybe he’ll tell us!”

“He would’ve told us already. C’mon guys! We have to make sure he is not doing anything weird, right?”

Todomatsu and Ichimatsu looked at each other.

“Well… We could, but… If he sees us, then it’s going to get messy” Ichi said, playing with Suzu’s tail between his fingers “We just go and check that he is no tinto anything weird. Then we come back. I don’t like being surrounded by people”

Osomatsu had to accept his conditions, their were fair enough. Todomatsu on the other hand, was thinking hard about something but no one could tell what was it until he clapped his hands.

“Then, then! If we are going to follow Karamatsu into that gay bar, I know exactly what we need to not be seen!”

Choromatsu looked at him, suspicious as always.

“You don’t mean…”

“Yes! We need a costume! And I happen to have the best costumes for each of us. Nobody will suspect a thing!”

Osomatsu smiled as his brothers started to get hyped with the idea of dressing themselves and follow their brother to that club. Even Jyuushimatsu was already on his feet, asking for a cool costume to wear. Of course, Choromatsu was already complaining, trying to be the straight up guy he always was, but in the end Totty convinced him to try some of the outfits he had planned for him.

The eldest brother squeezed his fists. He had to make sure that Karamatsu was alright, that was all he needed. If he was wrong, then he would be able to brush everything off and accept everything, even this Yuki guy. He just had to make sure, to stop that weird feeling clutching in his chest.

Then, everything would be fine.

“Oi! Nii-san! Come here, let’s see if this fits!”

He had to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there, my pretties! Here you have the newest chapter, thanks to my wonderful beta reader who corrects everything I fuck up =3
> 
> I hope you enjoy it but, sadly, I have to tell you that the updates will be slower. I'll have a job now, you see? And even though I AM NOT GOING TO ABANDON this fic, I will have less time to write. So that means that the updates will take some more time.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you continue reading my story and be patient. Thanks for all the support!


	11. All men are pigs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There will be a song in this chapter. A friend translated it for me 'case the original is in japanese. As soon as the song starts make sure you play THIS: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmEifVstjhU
> 
> That way you'll understand a lot of what it's happening.
> 
> Enjoy!

“I understand why Totty is dressed as a girl but, why me?!”

Osomatsu could not help but laugh. Choromatsu, aka Choromi, was trying his best to walk in his new heels, as Todomatsu’s costume for him was a lovely green short wig, some makeup, and a nice and tight short dress. He was even using some kind of filling to pretend he had breasts. It was kind of odd, because it looked good anyway . The dress accented the strong points of his slim body, especially his narrow waist and allowed him to show his legs. Choromatsu had slender legs and the heels gave something extra to them.

Todomatsu was also dressed as a girl, using his pink attire he wore that time when he interviewed his brothers to see which one was normal enough to be on a group date. He seemed to be fine with his costume, even to the point of looking constantly into any reflecting surface too check how cute he looked. It was kind of adorable seeing him so excited, it was like he really wanted to go to that bar and dance while dressed up.

Not that he could complain. Osomatsu was also excited with the idea, as it was something new they had never done before. He was wondering how weird this gay bar would be, how many strange people they would find, but he had to concentrate on their real mission as they were going to that place to check on his brother. He had to make sure that his stupid, gullible younger brother was not doing something weird for money.

When that was settled, then he could concentrate on destroying Yuki.

He looked at himself. Todomatsu insisted that he used a weird costume, based on visual kei fashion. He had this black pants and boots, the shirt, a tartan skirt, a black coat with red details, chains, a black and red wig with long bangs. He could not recognize himself in the mirror after putting that thing on. Todomatsu did had a good eye on those kind of things, as he actually felt good wearing it even if it find it kind of weird. Ichimatsu was wearing a white suit with purple details, a purple shirt and a purple tie, which made him look like a guy from the Italian mafia.  And Jyuushimatsu… Well, he was just wearing normal clothes. Black pants, shoes, a white shirt,  and a jacket. The difference was that he was trying to act normal, making an impersonation of a regular guy instead of using his goofy expression.

The difference was enormous.

According Totty, nobody would recognize them with those outfits. With that in mind and Choromatsu’s complaints filling the air as they walked down the street, the five brothers finally arrived at the bar “Alterna”. On the outside it looked almost normal, with its colored windows that did not allow them to look in the inside. The exterior was grey and it only had a medium neon sign, so it did not stand out too much. The brothers looked at each other, nodded enthusiastically and after taking a few deep breaths, they decided to go in.

Inside it was bigger than it looked from the outside. It was a large place, with a stage on the left that could hold at least three or four people, next to it there was a DJ with his instruments, filling the whole place with nice music. On the right side there were couches, tables with chairs and some puffs where people could sit together, talk and even eat. There was also a dance floor, where people were dancing to the rhythm of the music and, between the tables and the dance floor, there was the bar and a door that lead to the kitchen. All the brothers contemplated the place, that looked actually more normal than they thought it would look.

There were feather boas, pictures and a lot of things decorating the walls, like feather fans, Venetian masks, a rainbow flag even. Every table, every couch, even every chair had a different colour and there were all kinds of people there: people in regular clothes, dragqueens with flamboyant outfits, people that were using cosplay, transgenders, people wearing neon clothings or neon make up and scandalous wigs. Everybody was there chatting, dancing or drinking like they were in their own special place. The mood was actually kind of nice and all the nervousness that invaded their minds was gone in an instant.

The brothers went in, trying their best to not look suspicious while they were looking for his brother. First off, they went to the bar and asked for a few drinks. All the Matsus had a strategy for their plan, as they did not wanted to be discovered and stand out, so they had to be separated and locate themselves in special places of the bar so Karamatsu wouldn’t notice them. Choromatsu, now Choromi, kept himself sitting over the bar while drinking his liquor, Totty and Ichimatsu were sitting together on one of the couches, Osomatsu sat at one of the tables and Jyuushi was just standing on the dance floor with a drink in his hand. Lucky for him, a group of people asked him if he wanted to dance so the yellow Matsu forgot about the mission and kept dancing on his own.

The others just sighed. At least four of them were following the plan.

 

Karamatsu was nowhere to be seen. Ichimatsu kept groaning, feeling a little weird in that place so full of people. Nobody was bothering him and whenever someone looked at him they gave him a nice smile, but he was just uncomfortable. What the hell was he supposed to do? Staying there while waiting for Karamatsu, drinking his ass off while Totty was actually talking to the people sitting next to him? His brother was taking the chance to socialize and having people complimenting his outfit, even when they found out he was actually a guy. Some girls were asking for advice of fashion to him, while Ichimatsu was sitting in his place with a beer in his hands and his heart beating so fast it was hard to breath.

It felt like everybody was looking at him, laughing at them. He was too nervous, thinking about the things he could do or say if a person came to him to talk, but nothing came up to his mind. He wanted to leave. Being there to spy on his older brother was a stupid idea, now he was in that noisy place filled with people that he did not know and he was afraid of talking to someone. What if they find him weird? What if they laughed at him? He was just a failure, a NEET trash. He could be at home with his cats and…

“Excuse me?”

Ichimatsu lifted his head in an instant. Somebody was talking to him, a guy with tight jeans and a nice shirt with a paw painted on it.

“Y-yeah?”

“Is this seat taken?”

He moved his head to the sides and the guy sat down. Ichimatsu drank his beer, looking at that new person right beside him. It was a guy around his age, the same height as him. He was smiling widely, sitting with his legs crossed while playing with his hair, straight and blonde. He had almond eyes with a curious mixture of colours that ranged from green to grey. A quick look to his body and he could tell that this dude worked out just like his older brother, as he had a nice built body. He looked pretty social, unlike him. Ichimatsu was wondering if he should get up and run away, when the guy turned his head to him and smiled.

“You are new here, right? I’ve never seen you before”

“Uh… Yeah” he muttered, feeling his heartbeat going crazy. They were talking to him. A real human being was actually talking to him “I-it’s my first time”

“That’s nice. Don’t worry, you’ll love it here. There are nice shows, and the hamburgers are great. And the barman makes the most amazing cocktails. Also, they have good music and no one bothers you”

“That’s… Nice” He could not stop himself from thinking that every place should be like that. Also, this guys eyes sparkled a lot, like he was always happy. It felt… different.

“Yeah. My name is Akihiko, by the way”

“That’s a nice name” He flushed when he realized he said that out loud instead of thinking it “I am Ichimatsu. I… I came with my brothers to have some fun. I thought this place was weird before I came in… but… It isn’t”

Akihiko laughed his ass off.

“It’s alright, everybody thinks that when they come here. That we have naked dudes pole dancing and there's drugs or cages hanging from the ceilings with naked girls on it. Even I thought that.”

“Yeah…” He was getting nervous. What could he talk about with a total and friendly stranger? The only thing he knew about was cats. Ichimatsu knew he could get up and leave, but for some reason he was not able. Maybe because Akihiko’s smile and sparkly eyes were kind of convincing “Do you… Do you like cats?”

Akihiko looked straight at him for a moment and Ichimatsu was ready to be laughed at, but Akihiko’s eyes became bigger and sparkled brightly at the minute he heard the word “cat”. He looked for something in his pocket and then smiled at Ichimatsu.

“Are you kidding? I love cats! They are so cute! Here, look, I have tons of pictures in my cellphone. I actually own five cats”

“R-really?” he couldn't believed it worked.

“Yes!” Akihiko unblocked his cellphone and started showing him pictures of his cats; fluffy and cute little hair balls. He was actually excited, telling Ichimatsu about how he found his pets in the streets and had to heal them and take care of them. Ichimatsu was astonished to find someone who liked cats as much as him. Especially someone who also gave food to the strays and adopted kittens from the streets without minding if they were sick.

“I also work as a volunteer in the animal shelter. You should come, there are tons of adorable cats. We have to feed them, groom them and even play with them so they don’t get stressed”

“R-really? You do that for free?”

“Why not? I love animals, I am studying to becoming a veterinary. It’s normal that I want to help them… Besides, without us, the shelter would be overrun and some animals would end up being put to sleep. They don’t deserve that”

“No, they don’t…”

“Hey, would you like to see some of the videos I took from the shelter? Or maybe dance?”

Ichimatsu became nervous. He could not tell if the guy was being nice, was maybe flirting or if this was some sick joke from the universe so he could screw everything up and be laughed at.

“I… I am not… not into guys”

Akihiko looked at him for a few seconds, making him so nervous that his hands started to sweat then, suddenly, he clacked and his eyes told Ichimatsu that he found his words kind of fun. Or maybe cute, he could not really tell.

“I don’t mind about that. I mean, I was not trying to… I just thought you were interesting and wanted to meet you. Some of my friends said the same thing” with a movement of his head, Akihiko signaled a small group of people who were standing in a corner, talking to each other and moving lightly at the music’s sound. It was composed of three girls and two guys. One of the ladies looked at them and waved “We are all working together at the shelter. Would you like to come with us? We can share our cat videos with you”

Ichimatsu looked at the girls, then at Akihiko and then at his brothers. Each of them were focused on this stupid mission, trying to find Karamatsu. Honestly, he believed this was just one of his older brother’s tantrums, as he could care less about how Karamatsu got his money. He knew his brother enough to know that he was not doing anything dangerous so, what did it matter knowing what he did in his free time? Not even Totty was actually into the “mission” as he was using the chance to meet people, Jyuushimatsu was dancing with a group of guys and ladies that were using  sporty clothes and Choromatsu was more focused on drinking that in anything else.

In the end, Osomatsu was the only one completely into this stupid thing. He was looking for Karamatsu everywhere. So, he closed his eyes, let out a deep sigh and then nodded to Akihiko. This was his chance to make friends and meet new people, a chance to talk to others who loved cats as much as him. Akihiko’s smile became wider and then he got up, walking towards his group with Ichimatsu right behind him.

 

Choromatsu sighed. This was such a dumb idea… Honestly, he only went with it because all his brothers seemed to be really excited but the reality was that he just wanted to go home. He looked at his drink, playing with it a little bit. It was kind of demeaning to be dressed as a girl… Todomatsu liked it, but he was not happy to be using heels and a short dress. He was a man, he had to use man’s clothes. Just thinking what Nyaa-chan or Totoko would think if they saw him like this…

“Oh my, you rock it well, girl”

“Huh?”

He turned his head so fast that his wig caressed the sides of his cheeks. Sitting next to him was a group of drag Queens or okamas, he actually could not tell. The only thing he knew was that they were three men perfectly dressed as ladies, with nice and glittery dresses, wigs and a lot of make up. Choromatsu took a moment to look at their faces, realizing that their makeup was actually pretty great, before noticing they were talking to him and he started to stutter. He was afraid of offending them, using the wrong pronouns or something like that.

“Y-you… You are talking about me?” was the only thing he was able to mutter, grabbing his drink with both hands, his face completely flushed.

“Yes, dear!” the lady said. The one in the middle, who was using a long flashy red dress and a blonde wig was the one talking to him. Choromatsu could not stop himself from thinking about Marilyn Monroe when he looked at her, as she was wearing the same hairdo and makeup. The one on the left was wearing a violet kimono, which looked good on her because she was small and slim and it combined with her long, black wig. The third lady had a more serene and business-like composure, with her pencil brown skirt, white shirt and blazer; her hair was short and kind of curly and, contrary with her partners, she was the only one who was using a more mild make up. She also was the only one who was not covering her Adam’s Apple with a collar or a choker “There’s no other pretty lady in this side of the bar! Well, except us”.

“I… I am not… hum…”

The business woman chuckled a little bit.

“Ah, of course you aren’t. I mean, your fake breasts are showing” she said, with a gentle and soft voice. Choromatsu looked at his chest only to find out that it was true, his silicon breasts were showing but he did not knew how to fix it.

“Damn! They keep coming up…”

“Here sweetie… Let me help, we can’t have your girls all out like that” Marilyn Monroe came closer to him, without even leaving her chair, and helped him to accommodate his fake boobs “Here… Don’t line them up with your pecs, remember, breasts have a natural fall due to their weight and gravity. Put the neckline a little up” then she lifted a little Choromatsu’s dress neckline “There, this will do for now. But you should wear a bra, honey. Unless you have this cute silicon breasts that get adhered to the skin”

“Huh… I… I don’t think I’ll do this again. I am… not… I am straight, see?”

Marilyn arched her brows and let her chin rest on her hands while she put her elbows over the bar.

“So am I, darling. Lookie here, do you see that beautiful lady with pink hair? The bartender?” Choromatsu looked the way Marilyn was pointing. One of the bartenders was a lovely woman with pink hair and tattoos on her arms and neck. She seemed to be foreigner “That’s my wife”

The lady bartender looked their way and smiled brightly, waving to Marilyn Monroe. The blonde lady waved back and send kisses to her, making the bartender blush until she was distracted by a customer.

“Wha… Really? I thought…”

“You thought that everybody who dresses like a beautiful lady is, by all logic, homosexual. A lot of people make that assumption, dear. We don’t mind, but be careful next time. Not all  _ okamas _ take those comments lightly, you know? They can be sensitive and sensitive people tends to have bad reactions”

“Oh… I am sorry, I did not mean to…” Marilyn waved her hand in a relaxed gesture, to let him know that it was fine “So… You have a wife. You two are also married?” he asked, looking at the other ladies.

The one in a kimono shook her head.

“Oh no. I work in a bank full time, and also study. I don’t have time for that. You can call me Yoshika. This one is Samantha” –she said, moving her head towards the one who looked like Marilyn “And she is Kiyoko. She owns an okama bar. It’s lovely, really, you should check it out, when you stop feeling scared of it”

Choromatsu blushed hardly.

“I- I am not… Isn’t it weird? I am a guy, I shouldn’t dress like this”

“Don’t if you don’t find any joy in it” Samantha said, grabbing her Cosmopolitan to give it a sip “For us… Is a way of expressing ourselves. We have fun, we dance, we dress up and play. For some people it’s a way of life. It can be pretty liberating, if you ask me. My wife understands, so we come here together. She is the one who does my make up!”

“It takes away the stress. Besides, I like looking cute and dance on a stage. It’s different from my daily routine” Yoshika added, smiling at the confused boy who stopped being so shy little by little. 

Choromatsu was thinking about it. It would be nice having something that made the stress and routine to go away. Something different to do, a place where he wouldn’t be the straight man guy.

“I-i don’t think so! I have to find a job and I wouldn’t be able to… not like… Like this!”   
  


Yoshika complained, saying it was a shame because he looked pretty and gorgeous. They started complimenting how nicely the dress fit him and how cute that wig looked on him, when Kiyoko let her whisky over the table and looked straight at him.

“Kid, you want to work, right?”

The sudden question made him stutter a little, so he ended up moving his head up and down. Yoshiko put her hand on her blazer’s chest pocket and took out a card for him. Choromatsu took it and read it. The card had a weird name on it, “Altea Paradise” covered in cherry blossoms; it also had an address and a little logo on it with the phrase “Where your dreams come true”

“That’s the address of my bar. A cute young thing like you can work in there… You don’t need any experience, nor studies. You just have to look pretty, be a good listener and make the customers pay for your drinks. The most expensive ones, of course”

“Isn’t this like… P-prostit…?”

“No!” Kiyoko said, a little too vehement “You would be something like a host. Customers, men and female, come to look at the pretty creatures that work in my bar. They drink, they talk, sometimes they dance. Nothing more. Customers are not allowed to touch you, they can’t ask your phone number or your real name. It’s just a little world of fantasy in which they have someone to talk to. It makes them feel special”

“I don’t know…” after all, it was easy money but he was not going to lose his dignity and dress like a lady to fool some poor idiots and rob them, right?

_ Right? _

“Well,” she took the card back and took out a pen from one of her pockets to write something in it, before giving it back to Choromatsu “That’s what we pay to our boys and girls. And all the tips you earn from each customers are all yours. Besides, you are taken care of and protected, as I would never allow anybody to hurt my employers. If you don’t have anything else and have nothing to lose, then… Why don’t you give it a try?”

Choromatsu took the card, still doubting. Then he turned it around to check the Price she wrote and he immediately opened his eyes as big as they were. He could not believe what he was seeing and he had to pinch his cheek to make sure he was not dreaming. His hands were trembling, thinking about what he could do with all that money, when the business woman lifted her hand and shook her drink to call for the bartender, asking silently for another cocktail.

“We also have very important customers. Businessmen, idol managers, doctors, politicians, entertainers. You could meet a lot of people in Altea. Of course, that is if you accept”

Choromatsu only listened to two words in that phrase before turning to the lady with his jaw reaching the floor.

“Did you just said ‘idol managers’?

 

Osomatsu growled again. His brothers were not following the plan at all. Todomatsu was drinking and taking pictures with a group of boys and girls with cute costumes, Choromatsu was talking to three ladies, Ichimatsu was nowhere to be seen and Jyuushi was dancing (or rather jumping) all over the dance floor with a group of people who seemed to find him pretty interesting. All of them were wearing  sporty outfits so maybe that was the reason. He was the only one moving around the whole place looking for his brother and he could not find him, which made him mad. After all, the bar was not so big. He had to be somewhere! Todomatsu went to the bar with his new friends, even Ichimatsu was there now accompanied with a group of weird people wearing cat ears.

“What the…?” how did everybody become part of a group in just half an hour? He was barely coping with the fact that his brothers were socializing when some of the lights went off and the stage became completely illuminated. A dude dressed as a pinup lady from the seventies was on the stage.

People started to laugh, clap and even scream. Some of them got up and went near the stage, so Osomatsu found himself surrounded by people. The bartender got some big glass jars from under his table and put them over the bar. Each of them had a something written on it, but Osomatsu was not able to see what. The woman-dude on the stage started talking and he got distracted.

“Ladies and gentleman! It is time of our most precious show. Our regular customers are very familiar with it, as I can see, they seem to be really excited!” the crowd screamed in emotion “To the new people: Don’t worry. Nobody’s getting naked or anything like that. Today we have a special show called: ‘Lovely hearts hour’”

The people screamed again. Osomatsu was not really sure what was about to happen, but he went to the nearest empty table and looked at his brothers, who were looking in awe at the little stage with the new people they found.

“As a lot of you know” the one on the stage said “We have shows in here. Our special, pretty performers are here today to entertain you with the most lovely and tender songs so you can grab your sweetheart and dance to your heart’s desire! And today, we will start with a new favourite. Everybody give a nice round of applause to our dear Blue!”

The crowd went crazy. Whoever this Blue was, he had fans in that place. From behind of the stage’s curtains something made a movement and when they were lifted, a young man was walking into the center of the stage. He was tall, well built. He was wearing a leather jacket and a white tank top, pants with blue, glittery sequins, and a pair of shoes. He had a guitar in one hand and a stool in the other, so he put the stool as near as the crowd he was able to before sitting in and accommodate his guitar on his lap, then he motioned to the DJ.

The lights became lighter, a soft music started to play and the man in the chair took a deep breath before starting to play his guitar. But that was not what made Osomatsu drop his jaw to the point his chin was touching the damned table, no. Not Even the fact that boys and girls were screaming at that man, calling him, was as surprising as the fact that the dude that was sitting in that stool was none other that his younger brother.

Karamatsu.

“What the fuck…?”

Osomatsu realized that he spoke too loud when some girls turned to him.

“You don’t know Blue? How long have you been out of Alterna?” one with a military haircut and a suit said, looking at him as he was weird. The other one was dressed as a high school girl.

“I… have… Hum... Who is he?”

“Well, he is the favourite performer of the moment. You know that Thursday, Friday and Saturday they have shows, right?” Osomatsu nodded even though he did not know that “Well, they were lacking singers. A few weeks back, Blue appeared out of nowhere and asked if he could sing here, even if they did not pay him. He just wanted to sing. The owner listened to his songs and it seems that he was so captivated by his love songs that he asked him to play for the ‘Lovely Hearts hour’. It’s been a long time since we had somebody who sang nice love songs. Everything is about sex nowadays”

“Yeah” said the other girl, drinking a Bloody Mary “He was not here yesterday, it felt so empty. I just wanted to see his sequins and hear his music. Oh, but the day before that, he came and sang about being yourself even when people found you painful or your family ignored you. It made a lot of young kids to feel better and they went to him for advice. I don’t know what he told them, but the next day they came back smiling and they were wearing leather jackets”

“So… He sings here all the weekend?” Osomatsu asked, still trying to digest that pill.

“If you come here on Saturdays you will see him, he’s always here on Saturday. Sometimes he will come on Thursdays or Fridays, but you never know for sure. So all his fans come on Saturday just to make sure”

Osomatsu could not believe what he was listening.

“He… He has fans? People like his songs? W-why? He is just a dude in painful, shiny and tight clothes that make no sense…” he saw the way the girls were looking at him and Osomatsu shut up, coming to the realization that everybody in that bar were wearing clothes like that “Is he really good?”

“Yeah. I mean, I would totally hit on him if I weren’t into girls” said high school girl. Osomatsu made a sound with his mouth and everybody asked him to be quiet, as the song was starting.

People left their seats, dancing slowly at Karamatsu’s song. Others just stood there, listening to him. Osomatsu, actually every Matsuno, was looking at the second oldest singing with all his heart on the stage.

 

 __Tears of gratitude are overflowing right in my heart now  
I want to protect you forever, forever  
Cherry blossoms fall, they fall on us as we feel brand new  
Let’s walk hand in hand, forever and ever   
Until the end of time.  
  
I’ll speak from my heart now, and tell you how I truly feel for the first time  
I have these emotions only for you, without any lies.  
It was so hard for me. I never showed it to anyone else…

 

Osomatsu was pretty amazed. His brother’s voice was clear, potent enough to reach every part of that weird place they were in, it was obvious too that he had improved a tremendous amount not only in his singing, but also with his techniques at playing the guitar. Before, Karamatsu sounded too… Odd. He used to force his voice to sound cool, his tunes were not that good and his songs were lame, but this was completely different from what Osomatsu remembered. It was like seeing another person using Karamatsu’s face, someone who was not afraid of singing romantic songs in a place full of people and was able to do it with passion and no shame.

Osomatsu could see it, he could feel it. Karamatsu was glowing in that moment, as he was doing something he was good at, after working a lot to become better at it. He was singing sincerely too. Maybe that’s why the people of that bar loved him so much, because it was obvious he was putting his heart into everything he did on top of that stage.

As a warm feeling invaded Osomatsu’s chest, a mixture of pride, happiness and relief, he also felt small. Little. Diminutive. His brother was changing and now he was there, singing, shining with his bright light right into his dark corner, making him feel like he was nothing but trash. Karamatsu was like a diamond that was being polished, in a sense. He was covered in a lot of crap that did not allow anyone to see what was under it… Until someone saw it, someone felt that there was something worthy to take out of that big pile of crap.

Not him, of course. He never saw anything good in anybody. And if he did see something good, he just ruined it.

Someone cleaned it, polished it. Took all the clumps of dirt and allowed him and the rest to have a glimpse at the hidden diamond. Now everybody could see it, even when Karamatsu was not able to see his own light because of what they did to him.

The rest could. They were basking on it. In this place, Karamatsu was loved for being the painful romantic idiot, who believed in true love and that everybody should be themselves and be happy. He was loved for wearing his sequins, his leather jacket, his weird tank tops. He was just himself, like before, and now he was being accepted. Osomatsu did not know how to feel about it because, as his older brother, he wanted him to be happy. He could not help but pray for him to be happy, to find a place where he could feel like time passed too fast because of all the fun he was having, he even wanted Karamatsu to find his place in this damned world that they were living in.

He did want that for him, for all of them. AS the oldest, Osomatsu actually wanted that. But there was a part about him that could not let them go. They were all changing, they were doing and thinking and feeling things without him, leaving him behind. What about him? What would happen to him as soon as they left?

Why they couldn’t wait a little bit  before trying to fit into society? Just a little bit longer, so they could be all together forever?

Osomatsu clenched his fists, feeling so bad and crappy that he could not allowed to breathe. After all he did to his brother, he had no right to feel the way he was feeling. He knew it, of course, he knew it very well. What he did not know was why the hell he couldn’t stop himself.

The crowd went wild, applauding Karamatsu’s song. One of those weird jars that the bartender had started to be passed around between the customers, as they were putting money into it. Osomatsu became kind of curious, at least until the jar was into his hands. That thing had a lot of blue glitter for decoration and his second brother’s name made with golden glitter.

_ This must be the most painful jar in existence. _

The jar had money inside, coins, and even some letters and coupons, but it was mostly cash. People were sure giving his brother a lot of tips. For a second he thought about taking some of it, but he was in a crowded place and a the girls next to him were waiting for him to give them the jar. So he took some money from his pocket and put it in, all while listening a Karamatsu singing again, now a song about living life to the fullest and never being sorry for being yourself. 

Osomatsu took a deep breath and looked away.

 

When his time finished, Karamatsu got up from his chair and waved to the crowd. He was barely able to believe it… A bunch of people calling him with an affectionate name, repeating it one time after the other and asking him to sing some more, it was all too much. The day that he went to that place looking for work he never thought that everything would end like this. The owner made him play for him and he was not really impressed at first, but as soon as he heard him sing the guy just smiled and told him that he was hired.

_ “You shine when you sing and you sing about nice stuff”  _ Said Hirohiko, the owner. A big dude with a nice moustache that loved to cook. He was the one in charge of the food and snacks of the bar  _ “We need a lot of that in here, you see? This is a coven for those who are misunderstood or mistreated only because they are different. Some of them can’t be who they really want to be because they are scared. Someone like you will cheer them up. Keep it up, kiddo. You have a good future.”  _

Karamatsu waved again, smiling so hard that his cheeks hurt. This place felt like the home away from home as soon as he stepped into the stage for the first time. Nobody here cared about his clothes or his way of speaking, they just liked him and his music for what it was. He also met the other performers and they soon started to get along, to the point that they were always together in the same spot drinking and eating. They also exchanged music and some tips, while the lovely bartender poured their drinks. 

“Remember! Be always great!” he said at the top of his lungs, receiving his last applause before getting off the stage. The next performer was there and they shook hands and complimented each other’s outfit before Blue directed himself to his spot in the bar, were all the performers and their friends were. He sat in one of the stools, resting his elbows in the bar’s wood.

“Tinkerbell, honey. Please, fix me up something nice”

“Well, I’ve made a new cocktail” She answered, her pink hair moving around while she moved from one place to the other so everybody could have their drinks. Her leather vest was reflecting some of the stage’s coloured lights “It is called Mermaid’s Kiss. Why don’t you try it?”

“Well, I can’t say no if it has a cute  name like that. Alright, pour me one. No, wait, make it double. I want Yuki to try it.”

He looked around for his friend. Normally Yuki was not able to go and see him perform during Friday nights because she was always busy with school or had to work early the next morning for a photoshoot, but this night was the exception. He invited his friend over and both of them had a good time eating hamburgers, drinking and dancing. Besides, Yuki knew some of the performers too, so they all could sit along and talk for hours. He looked around, finding Yuki in the dance floor, dancing with one of the girl performers. As soon as his friend saw him, Yuki said something to the girl, who waved cheerfully at him and then both of them walked towards him.

“Heeeeey!” Yuki jumped over Karamatsu, hugging him tightly. He was wearing men’s clothes again “You were awesome! You rock! I told you that people would love your songs… So, your name is Blue now?”

“It’s just a nickname. All the performers have one”

“You should be called _Blue Curacao_ , like the drink” He laughed. Just in that moment, Tinkerbell let the drinks in front of them and Yuki’s eyes got wider as he sat down next to Karamatsu “And talking about drinks, what the hell is this?”

“It is called ‘Mermaid’s Kiss’ a new invention of our beloved Tinkerbell” He winked to the lady, who smiled and gave the other performer, Ana, a bottle of light beer “She said it’s good and I wanted to give it a try. Though it looks too pretty, it makes me feel bad for drinking it”

“Well, here goes nothing!” Yuki took the drink and gave it a shot, but he immediately made a very weird face and squirmed, passing the glass to the girl at his side, who took it gladly “Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Hell, fucking, friggin no”

Karamatsu snorted and took a sip of his own glass. It tasted a little too strong, but he liked it. The drink look dense and heavy, specially because it was different tones of blue and green mixed together with a little bit of edible glitter and some star-shaped sprinkles.

“I like it. It’s strong, but not overwhelming. It is sweet and the sea salt at the edge of the cup gives it something extra”

Yuki looked at him like he was an alien and waved at the bartender.

“Well, good for you” she said,  waiting eagerly for Tinkerbell. “But that felt more like a punch in the face rather than a kiss, so I’ll rather have Irish Cream. Oh, Tinkerbell! Pour me some irish cream, will ya? This thing is too much for me”

“Sure thing, sweet-cheeks” in the blink of an eye, Tinkerbell served the drink and gave it to Yuki, who paid happily for it before drinking it.

“Yesss, this is the good stuff” Karamatsu laughed. It was kind of fun watching his friend’s cheeks becoming pink before all the dancing and drinking. Yuki actually did not like alcohol, but he was prone to try shots and cocktails if he was asked to. He did have, however, a weakness for creamy, sweet liquors like the one he was drinking at that moment “So, did they give you your jar of tips already or is still being passed around the room?”

“I think it’s being passed, but I wouldn’t worry. It will end up between my hands sooner or later” he drank a bit of his Kiss. When he was hired as a performer he was kind of surprised that the owner allowed tips for the singers and dancers. Normally tips were something bad… Any salary was enough for any employer and tips were included in it, so tips were something like a disgrace. But according to the owner, there were some extra charges that all performers had that no salary he could give them would be able to manage like the time of practice, their instruments, their preparation for a dance routine. And according to him, it was a good way to see how much people liked their show.

Karamatsu could not help but laugh, remembering Yuki’s face when he finally understood why tips were not right in Japan. How could his friend survive in their island so long without having trouble was a mystery to him, as he knew a few baristas who would punch somebody in the face if they were given a tip and, in Yuki’s homeland, giving tips were expected.

“Yeah, it’s a good thing, huh? Extra money for you and…” Yuki looked at Karamatsu’s face and made a grimace “You’re still thinking about that thing with the tips, right?”

“Nooo”

“Karamatsu…” He threatened, leaving the drink in the table. The aura surrounding Yuki became as dark as Ichimatsu’s, but for some reason Karamatsu was not afraid and he ended up smiling.

“All right, yes. I was. It’s just… I was thinking the faces those waiters you tipped must have made and… How did you last this long?”

“Hey! My friend explained me that tips were bad, they never told me why! And… after this years, I was just too embarrassed to ask about it to Mikuru-nee or the rest. Don’t judge me!”

Karamatsu was still laughing and Yuki became mad, grabbing him from his jacket to shake him. But the more Yuki shook him, the more Karamatsu laughed, to the point that he could not see the figure in red looking at him from the distance. Tetsuya, the performer who was on stage after him, finally went back to the bar and patted Karamatsu in the back, saying that Karamatsu and Yuki looked like brothers and then the conversation went to something else, related to music, drinks, and who knows what else. Karamatsu could not keep track of everything, he was too busy having fun.

Nice fun, real fun. Fun in a place where he felt safe, in an environment full of people who were like him and recognized each other as equals. Even the other artists, they all had their stories and a difficult past, so they were walking right next to each other for support. Karamatsu had never felt so welcome before like in Alterna. He had friends who were able to understand his songs, people who could share techniques, he had people who called for him and wanted to hear him.

Even so, Yuki was still his most important friend. He was the one that knew special things of Karamatsu and vice-versa, the one who helped him in his moment of need. That’s why when the music popped, he did not mind that his friend squealed and dragged him again to the dancefloor in order to move to the rhythm of a song he didn’t even know. The rest joined them later, making a circle in which all of them danced with each other, moving at their own peace while singing at the top of their lungs the weird lyrics of the song.

Not too far from them, Osomatsu clenched his teeth. He was there, worrying about his brother, and the motherfucker was just drinking and dancing like nothing was wrong. And who where those people? Since when Karamatsu had a group of people to hang out with besides his brothers? That bastard was socializing, was venturing in the real world and leaving all of them behind. How could he? If he was going to try and make friends and be normal, at least he should’ve tried to help the rest to be able to do the same! Like Todomatsu promised he would! He was boiling in jealous rage, when somebody grabbed his wrist and made him turn around, Jyuushimatsu was there, smiling like always and dragged him to another circle formed by the rest of his brother, who were all singing and dancing too. For a few seconds, Osomatsu thought he was in some weird horror movie. A dead girl was going to appear sooner or later, maybe some monster or an alien. But seeing his brothers finally having fun and talking to people… He was not able to screw that up for them, so he started to dance too, with the rest singing out loud and lifting their drinks in some kind of weird toast.

_ “I’m not typical, and Simone… You are just cynical! _

_ I am better than you think, let me buy you a drink…” _

“ _ All men are pigs _ !!” Todomatsu screamed, jumping while holding himself from Jyuushimatsu’s neck while both of them jumped at the same time. It was clear that the youngest of the Matsuno clan was kind of tipsy, singing at the top of his lungs that foreign song about pigs, drinks and men. “ ‘ _ They know the licks, that get the chicks _ !’ Osomatsu, sing with us!”

In the end he had no choice but to give in to his brothers’ ridiculous display. They were really having fun, singing and jumping to that song. And he started singing too, lifting his beer, twinking his eye towards the girls whenever the song said anything about buying a drink to someone. Jyuushimatsu grabbed him by his hands and made him swirl, laughing at the top of his lungs. It was nice forgetting about his fears for a while, having fun with his brothers  and not thinking that they were going to leave him anytime soon. The same lady than before went over the stage, telling to the customers that they were going to close in an hour and half, more or less, so they had to grab their stuff and be ready to leave, but always in a controlled manner so no one became hurt  or lost their stuff.

Meanwhile, people could still enjoy a few drinks and their close-up song.  Osomatsu saw the other people gathering to look for their things, groups gathering together again to leave, people sitting again at the tables to wait until they opened back the doors while some others were back at the bar for the last drinks and some other where at the dancing floor. The people who was still dancing where jumping, singing out loud and pushing each other with every jump. It was an odd sight, but the red Matsu just laughed at how ridiculously happy all those young lads where with something so simple as a good song and a place to be able to jump like crazy dogs.

He turned around, looking for his younger brother. Osomatsu wanted to see Karamatsu and make him join the group so they could all go back home and have a nice talk about this night, his work and maybe about why he had not told them about it… But he saw Karamatsu still with his friends, laughing to the point he was crying while jumping and pushing each other. Osomatsu has not seen his brother like that in a very long time, when was the last time he saw Karamatsu laugh his ass off to the point of almost being unable to breath? Even when they were doing something stupid as screaming or singing “ _ I’m gay _ !! Say ‘I’m gay!’  ” while doing so, the truth was that Karamatsu had a new world only for him. He had a new place to be filled with other people, a place in which he and the rest were not invited.

Osomatsu clenched his teeth, again. He did not know how or when, but they finally ended up leaving the bar with everybody else. Only the chilly wind of the night made him go out of his state of trance. When he looked around Osomatsu realized that they were all hiding, looking at something. He took a sneak peek, realizing they were still spying on Karamatsu. He hugged the other people he was talking to before and left with Yuki, both of them laughing and walking a little funny.

“That was fun!” Yuki exclaimed, grabbing Karamatsu by his elbow. Both of them were a little bit tipsy, apparently… Osomatsu growled, looking at the person who changed Karamatsu in a unrecognizable idiot. “Say, say, Karamatsu… I’ve been wanting to do something bad since a while now.”

“Ah, really? What would my dear and adorable Yuki’s want so much? If it’s you it cannot be bad. You are as pure as fallen snow” Yuki laughed to the point of snorting and Osomatsu made another disgruntled noise. That dude was anything but pure.

“I… I want to ride you”

The five brothers tensed, opened their eyes as big as a plate and then looked at each other in a  mix of confusion and horror. They already knew Karamatsu was gay because he was screaming it while dancing a while ago, but also a perverted? That was new. They could not possibly be talking about something dirty.

But Karamatsu flushed and looked away.

“Yuukiii… W-what are you saying? That… That is… Somebody could see us!”

Choromatsu closed his eyes.

“Oh god, somebody please tell me I am not listening to this”

“I wish I wasn’t” Todomatsu mumbled, trying to cover his ears.

Yuki laughed again, pleading to Karamatsu.

“C’mooon! Please? It will be really quick, I promise. I mean, we can’t do it at your place ‘cuz your brothers are there… And we can’t do it at my place ‘cuz everybody is sleeping now.. So… So… Yeah? Only for a little bit, pleeeease?”

“W-well… That is true” Karamatsu was still all red and suddenly looked at his friend like he was thinking about it. Osomatsu bite his own lip “Will it really be quick? How long will it last?”

“Well, I suppose that as long as your legs last. So? Can we?”

Jyuushimatsu laughed.

“That’s too short!” but shutted his mouth when their brothers hissed at him. They all went pale when they saw Karamatsu nodding and slowly showing his back to Yuki. Choromatsu was about to lose his mind until they all saw a little more closely and realized that Karamatsu was on his knees. Yuki laughed and used the position to climb over him in a piggyback ride before Karamatsu sprinted and both of them laughed like crazies. 

Four of the five brothers looked at each other, smiling, as they thought that was the cutest thing they had ever seen. That person couldn’t be bad, that's for sure. They actually had nothing to worry about, as his brother was not doing anything weird and he was in good hands, having fun with somebody that actually liked him just the way he was. Of course, Osomatsu insisted to follow them. They did it because they wanted Osomatsu to stop with his stupid suspicions because his brothers were convinced that he was not going to stop with that crap until he was fully satisfied, even though they had a lot of reasons to not believe in any of his brother’s crap. Actually, they were getting irritated about it. The younger set was starting to believe that he had bad intentions against Karamatsu or his friend, or maybe both; there was no real way to know but as soon as the Gods, in their might wisdom, proved Osomatsu wrong they were going to grab him and make him go home. After all, half of them were still crossdressing and they did not want to be seen anymore wearing those clothes.

The group of brothers followed the two friends until they got to a weird apartment building. Almost all the lights were out except a few ones, so it was probably true what Yuki said about everybody being asleep. Osomatsu squinted his eyes and did his best to hear what they were talking, but he could only grasp a few things. Apparently, Yuki was too tired to use the stairs and climb up seven floors so he wanted to use the elevator and, in the end, they did. Osomatsu turned around, asking Ichimatsu to use his cat like features to spy on them as soon as the two friends were lost inside the building and one of the lights on the seventh floor light up. It had to be them and he had to know what was going on.

Ichimatsu looked at his brother and growled.

“No”

“What? What the heck, Ichimatsu?”

“This is stupid, I am not climbing up seven floors because you are paranoid. I want to go home”

“But…”

“Me too!” Choromatsu complained, crossing his arms in his chest “I am still wearing this heels! I can’t tell which is worst if the heels or the panties” Everybody turned around, looking weirdly at him. “Oh, c’mon. This dress is too tight, I could not use boxers with this! And Totty is using them too!”

Jyuushimatsu tilted his head.

“We expected that from him, but not from you”

Choromatsu groaned too, huffed, and then went to the nearest bench to sit there and take off his shoes. Ichimatsu went with him too, leaving his older brother alone.  Todomatsu just moved his head side to side, contemplating his brother like he was just a lost cause and went with the rest. Only Jyuushimatsu remained.

“Jyuushi! Please, you will help your onii-san, right? You can climb up to that window, I know you can. So would you please go and see what they are doing?”

“Just that?”

“Just that. You call me and tell me what they are doing”

Jyuushi tilted his head again. Then, he laughed and ran towards the building. Osomatsu felt his heart ache… He could not control himself, he could not go back home without his suspicions being confirmed. He needed it or else, he was going to become mad. He sat on the bench too, waiting for a few moments before his cellphone started ringing.

“Yo, Jyuushi! Do you have a clear camp of vision?”

“Yeah! I am against the window and the curtains are completely open so I can see everything. This is a nice house! Oh, he has a puff! I always wanted a puff! Can we have a puff?”

“Concentrate, Jyuushi”

“Oh right” there was some silence “They are on the kitchen, doing something. Oh, oh, they are coming back. They have something in their hands… They are sitting on the couch now and…”

Todomatsu scoffed, again, grabbing Ichimatsu’s arm in an attempt to stay awake.

“This is stupid, I want to go homeee”

“Chist!” Osomatsu wanted to hear everything Jyuushi said and with his brother whining he couldn’t “What’s happening, Jyuushi?”

“They are… They are…”

 

“ _ Sono chi no sadame!! JOOOOOOOJO _ !”

They were both screaming, singing the opening song of their favourite anime of the moment. While still on the elevator, Yuki decided that they could watch a few episodes before going to sleep so that is what they were doing. Karamatsu was a total fan of that show, especially because it had cool muscled dudes that posed exactly like him. They were big, manly and their clothes were gorgeous. And the poses were incredible. Sometimes, Yuki and him practiced the same poses or tried to make new ones. It was a good way to have fun, besides, Karamatsu loved doing dramatic poses.

Not only they were watching anime. Karamatsu had the munchies for something meaty and Yuki wanted something sweet so they ended up searching in the kitchen for something that covered both of their cravings. That’s how they ended up eating meat flavoured ramen cups and fruit jelly cups. First they made the ramen disappear in a second, watching the last episodes of the first season of their show. As soon as the episodes of the second season started, both of them sat really close to each other and looked directly at the screen. Yuki moved a hand and grabbed two cups of jelly, giving one to Karamatsu before opening up her own cup and slurping it and, of course, Karamatsu did the same when it was his turn.

Like that time. Karamatsu took two of the little jelly cups, gave one to Yuki and ate his own. But Yuki made a muffled sound and her face of disgust was so funny that Karamatsu almost choked with his own spit.

“God, what’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?! Dude, you gave me orange! It tastes like crap”

“You don’t like orange?” He asked, grabbing another jelly for his friend and taking back the one she did not liked. He ate it in a second, not understanding why she was so disgusted as it tasted good.

“Not in jelly! Please, fix this. The taste is invading my mouth” Karamatsu laughed and gave her the new cup of jelly, which she ate in a second. Yuki’s pleased sound told him that he made a good choice “Ohh yeshhh, sheddy! Dis is dedishious”

“Pfft, stop that. You remind me of one of my brothers”

Yuki tilted her head to his side, getting more comfortable on the couch. They were basically leaning against each other, almost cuddling. It felt nice for Karamatsu, as he never had the chance to be that close and intímate to anybody, let alone a girl. Maybe with Jyuushimatsu, when his little brother was in a good mood.

“Would that be bad, Kara?”

“Well, no… I mean, yes! I mean… Well, I am not really sure. Though my brothers have a piece of my soul, I would not want anybody to be like them. At least until the whispers of destiny reach towards and help them to become more… Mature. I don’t want them to change the way they are” He added as quick as he could “But if  faint bit of maturity striked down and allowed them to wake up with a new sense of life, then I would be happy.”

“To Put it simple, you want them to grow up already.”

“… Maybe” He said, rolling his eyes while pretending to look at the television.

“But that does not explain why it would be weird if I reminded you of one of your brothers”

“Hum… Well… I cannot really explain it” in the end, Karamatsu had no other choice but to be honest about it. After all, he did not like to lie to her and he was not that good at lying to the people he loved. All those years of acting only worked if he had some time to mentally prepare first. “The thing is that I like you because you are different from them. I mean, you have some traits.. Like, you are super into study and anime like Choromatsu. You also have this lovely way of smiling and laughing at everything like Osomatsu and you love animals, like my dear Ichimatsu does. You have this competitive side about sports… I’ve seen you looking at football games and you go crazy”

“Hey!” Yuki frowned, but smiled at the same time. “Well, that is true… But you saw it too, Karamatsu. He did not deserve a yellow card!”

“Of course not” Karamatsu answered immediately, without thinking. He never got football, even though his friend explained him the rules and made him watch some games, but more than enjoying the sport Karamatsu enjoyed the way Yukina acted when she was watching football. She screamed, jumped, made a lot of faces and was really into it, so it made that sport fun for Karamatsu. Of course, not understanding football rules meant that he always agreed with Yukina on whatever she said about the games “But Jyuushi acts exactly like that with baseball. And you are outgoing like Totty. So, yeah, you share a few things. But my dear friend Yukina is a beautiful angel full of hopes and dreams, that can share some of her beautiful light to a poor and conflicted sinful man like me”

Yukina snickered, snuggling Karamatsu while eating another jelly cup.

“You are such a praiser, Karaboy. You’ll make your future girl happy”

“I mean it”

“I know. I like you too, dumbo. All painful and shiny as you are… Though I don’t think you are painful at all. Maybe is one of those Japanese things I can’t understand”

This time Karamatsu was the one who snickered at the same time he grabbed her by her shoulder, approaching her to his body.

“Perhaps. Like onsens and bathhouses?”

“Ugh, don’t even start. How can you people bath in front of strangers, completely naked? I had to go there when I lived on the streets, ya know? I was not alone, but… It was so violating for me! I was taught all my life that bathing was something private, that no one should see your naked body and suddenly: Boom!” she expanded her hands, emulating an explosion. “I was in a place, surrounded of thirty Japanese women from all ages completely naked. And… They realized I was foreign so they were looking so much at me”

“Really?” he was amazed that people found onsens and bathing with others as something violating. He made a mental note to remember not to take her to an onsen. Of course, the fact that people stared at her so intently was not only rude but, probably, became the main cause why she disliked bathhouses in general. “They really stared at you like that?”

“They almost take an x-ray of me, for that matter. It’s like… Like they wanted to compare our anatomies? Something like that. It was my first experience and I hated it… I still hate it”

“I’ll try to guess and say that it never got better for you” in the corner of his eye, he saw her nodding. She was not eating anymore, as she was kind of dozing off against his body. Slowly, Karamatsu moved to allow her to get comfortable over his chest. He had to lay on the couch so he would be able to move her a little and let her sleep on top of him. She normally did not liked to sleep like that, because Yukina said that she always ended up sleeping in weird positions or had nightmares but she seemed to be too tired to get up. And Karamatsu only wanted her to sleep a little, as long as she was comfortable with both of them being that close… In the past days, he had come to the realization that his friend repelled physical contact sometimes. She was fine with it whenever she initiated the contact and that was the case most of the time but, sometimes, she positioned herself strategically to avoid being touched. It didn’t happened too much and it was only for a few moments, so Karamatsu needed a long while to notice it… But since the day he did it, he was being twice as careful about it.

He did not want to make his friend uncomfortable. If she did not want to be touched, whatever the reason for it was, then he was not going to touch her. Nor ask about it. Karamatsu knew that she was going to tell him when she felt ready, exactly the same way that Yukina did when he was feeling bad about something. Not when he was a little bad… But when he was actually having a horrible day and felt like crap, Yukina always told him that she was there and waited until Karamatsu wanted to tell him what was wrong.

That’s how they handled that kind of stuff.

Yukina moved, waking up suddenly to look at her surroundings with an expression that Karamatsu was not able to read. She widened her eyes for a second, like she could not tell where she was, until she looked down and smiled at him. The light came back and Karamatsu’s heart was able to rest easy.

“Hey there, gorgeous” she mumbled, resting again over his chest. Karamatsu kept one of his hands under his own head, as a pillow, and the other was stretching to grab one of the blankets on the floor. “Sorry, this is really… Really comfortable. I should go to bed”

“Nah, it’s alright. I don’t mind as long as you don’t mind” Karamatsu answered, finally able to grab the blanket. He put it over both of them, grabbing the control remote after that. “Want me to put the volume down?” She shaked her head. “Okay. So… You were saying something about onsens shocking you… Do you miss your homeland? I mean, you want to go back?”

Yuki put her chin over both of her hands, her fingers intertwined.

“There is no answer to that, Karamatsu. I love my homeland, I still feel more Italian than Japanese. But I have a life here, I lived a lot of things here. I have my house, my friends, my career, everything is here. There is so much to see in Japan… Also in Italy, don’t get me wrong. My homeland is… Is so beautiful. The red lotus growing between the wheat fields and changing colours according to seasons, eating  _ ficci d’india _ with my grandma, the family reunions! God, you Japanese people have this little gatherings with only three siblings. In my house a family reunion meant the whole fricken family!” she said, life coming to her eyes as they were almost sparkling. Karamatsu could not help but smile, as she looked like a kid in a candy store. “Like every aunt and uncle, their sons, every cousin, every niece and nephew, every grandma. Last time we ended up inviting fifty people!”

“ _ Oh my god _ , that’s too much! You people are crazy”

“Of course not. We just value our families a lot. And sometimes we invite family friends and neighbours. It’s awesome. But as I was saying” she tried to regain the path of the conversation back. “I was raised as an Italian and I had to come to this place where, suddenly, I was too fat, too noisy, too tall, too white, my feet are too big and my eyes seemed to be weird. Different language and habits… I even have people screaming at me and looking at me with hate only ‘cause i'm foreign”

“Oh… Yeah…” The fact that he loved foreign things did not mean that everybody in Japan thought the same. A lot of people hated foreigners and screamed at them whenever they saw them.

“Did you know that there is a word for foreigners? A  derogative word . How was it?” Yukina snapped her fingers. “Gaijin! Some people don’t mean anything by it but I don’t think that the ones who scream that word at me with angry faces don’t mean anything by it”

“I’m so sorry…”

“No, don’t be. That’s how some people are. We have people like that in Italy too, you know? They believe that any Italian who leaves the country for other reason than a vacation is not an Italian anymore. Like me” as soon as she said that, Yukina laid her head again over Karamatsu’s chest, closing her eyes. “ So, see? I love both places, I have people in both places, but it seems that for some people I don’t belong in either of them. Japanese find me ugly and the ones who don’t find me ugly fetishises me. Italians don’t consider me a real Italian because I have oriental features and I ‘left’ the country… And they fetishise me too. So it’s difficult to answer you. I miss both, I like both, I have people who love me and hate me in both… And I can’t get a date in both” she added, laughing a little bit. Karamatsu thought that she was just trying to light the mood.

“I guess, but it shouldn’t be like that. I am sorry that people are mean to you.”

“You get used to it. Besides, dude, it’s not your fault. Relax! It doesn’t bother me anymore, except for the part when some people fetishizes me”

Karamatsu turned off the TV, getting a little more comfortable on the couch. He could understand what Yuki said, not being able to get a date because people did not find you attractive only because of a stupid reason that a person can’t change. Yuki was not able to change her heritage just as he could not just change his face and be completely different from his brothers. In his case, he was not sure if somebody fetishized him but he was actually sure that a lot of people did not find him attractive.

“In my case, girls don’t look at me because I have muscles. Cool guys have muscles and I like what I see when I look at the mirror after working out, but… They prefer cute boys like Todomatsu.”

“Another thing to add to the list of ‘Japanese Stuff I can Get’ ” Yuki was smiling widely, and cuddled, making a pleased sound. “Because this pecs of yours are actually pretty comfortable! Don’t worry, Karaboy. Someday our beloved will come, we just have to wait a little bit… more…”

Karamatsu found himself being a little flattered and flustered at the same time for the compliment. It was nice being told good things about his body, even though he liked the way he looked, sometimes with all the people looking weirdly at you just for not fitting a stereotype of beauty he tended to feel out of place. Surely but slowly, Karamatsu moved one of his arms over Yuki’s back in an attempt to make sure she would not fall.

“Yes. I hope you are right… There’s gotta be somebody out there for us, right? Maybe another outcast of the feast of life? Someone that… Oh, you are asleep”

His friend was dozing off already. Soundly sleep, Yuki was not able to answer him, but Karamatsu did not mind. He was just happy that Yuki trusted him enough to sleep next to him and being pretty close to each other. He was just happy to be there with somebody who could talk about a lot of things, watch TV or listen to music together. Heck, he was not even panicking over the fact that he had a girl on top of him which would make him freak out and blush in a normal situation. But for him this person who was sleeping over his chest was not “a girl” with boobs and curves, it was a friend. 

The gender did not mind at all, he was just sleeping with a friend. He could not feel ashamed or nervous, he was just there, getting as comfortable as he could over the couch. He could feel the soft skin, the curves, her legs, even her boobs pressed against his chest but he did not care at all. Karamatsu felt happy and calm, like when he was sleeping with his brothers even if the situation was completely different.

_ “She smells like vanilla” _ he thought, remembering that his brothers always smelled like beer, shaving cream, grass, cat fur or  cheap cologne. They also did not felt so soft and he was pretty sure that they would rather kill themselves before sleeping in such a position with him.  _ “And cinnamon. And her hair is all over the blanket… She doesn’t weigh that much, why does everybody think she’s fat?” _

Karamatsu made a sound with his tongue. He always thought that his first night with a girl would be in a expensive and romantic love hotel, after a date. They would have a bath, drink some wine, cuddle and hug together before kissing. Make out. Then make love, softly and tender, making sure that the girl felt cherished all the way. But now he was sleeping in a couch with a girl making cute noises over him, after both of them had been jumping like kangaroos in a disco. Then they ate ramen, watched their favourite show and ate fruit jelly cups for dessert before talking for a long time.

Making a grimace, Karamatsu looked down only to see the face of his sleeping friend, who looked completely innocent and pure like that. He smiled without even noticing it and gave her a kiss in her forehead before resting his head on the couch to try and get some sleep.

_ “Meh. This was way better” _

  
  


Outside the building, Osomatsu was completely dumbfounded.

“So… You are telling me that they were eating ramen and watching anime?”

Jyuushimatsu nodded, energetically. A few more things happened, but it was not really important, so he decided not to tell anything to the rest. After all, Choromatsu had enough problems with his feet hurting because of the heels, Ichimatsu was sending somebody cat pictures and Totty was complaining and whining that he wanted to go home. If he had to be honest, Jyuushimatsu wanted to go home to, wash himself and go to sleep so he could practice baseball tomorrow. But Osomatsu’s stubbornness kept them there for too long.

“See?!” Choromatsu yelled at him, already getting up from the fence. The rest did the same. “Yuki is a good guy! Now, can we please go home? I don’t want to come back and have our parents seeing me with this costume”

“I had classes all day, please!” Todomatsu whined, trembling, and Jyuushi went to his aid as it seemed his little brother did not want to walk anymore. “I need my beauty sleep!”

Osomatsu looked at them and then, at the building. He had been really sure about it, that this Yuki was hiding something and messing with Karamatsu’s head but he had no proof. Without it, there was nothing he could do, so he had no other choice to give up this time and follow the rest back home. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he just had to know him more and he would start to like his brother’s friend.

Or maybe, he had to work harder to get what he needed. Osomatsu was not sure which one was the right answer, so he decided to go home and sleep. Perhaps the night would give him answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo.... Yay! Another Chapter! Sorry for the long wait, life and adulting has been hitting really hard on me. Not only that, I have no computer at the moment. I am really sorry you had to wait this long.
> 
> Anyway, remember the song Karamatsu sings? It is ACTUALLY a song that his seiyuu (Nakamura Yuuichi) sings. I do not know who thw original singers or writers of the song are so, if you know, please let me now. Oh, just for plot's sake, let's pretend that Karamatsu wrote it, yeah? xD
> 
> Isn't his voice beautiful? When he is not trying to sound cool and saying words in his terrible english.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter!!
> 
> BTW:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ob5KzB_EOqc This is the song the Matsu's dance to and Totty sings. According to the official info, Totty and Choro are the best in english, so I thought it would be nice that one of them sang out loud. 
> 
> AND https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsNrDbPTaxk this is the reason why Karamatsu screams "I'm gay!!" while dancing xD Sorry I know it's too american, but they use this song in the gay bar I use to go and... I had to. I just had to xD
> 
> Now Karamatsu is watching Jojo's bizarre Adventure. Do you imagine what will happen? Do you? (I left the song in Japanese this time because a lot of people like it better like that xD)


	12. Threats

“Family, I am home!”

Karamatsu came back from his night out. He felt tired after spending the whole night singing, dancing and then watching anime with Yuki, but it was not like when he came back from drinking with his brothers. During those times Karamatsu felt completely tired or worn out, probably because the six of them always ended up in some weird situation that wore him to the core. Sometimes, when he was alone, he used to feel sad after drinking because alcohol made him think of stuff that he did not wanted to remember… He also felt sad while drinking with his brothers during the past few months, but he never said anything nor showed it to anyone, at least until he had his emotional breakdown.

Now he was not allowed to drink that much, according to his doctor. So he only drank a little every now and then, and only when he was in Alterna surrounded by his friends. In that place he could not think about sad things, not with the lights, the music, the vibrant colours and everybody hugging him and telling him that they liked him.

So now, he was tired. But it was a good tired. He made sure to be decent enough to meet his family, so no one would think that he drank too much. Or worse. So after waking up in Yu’s house he took a shower and changed clothes before going home. He even had breakfast with Yuki and made time to go to a convenience store and buy a few things for himself and his family.

_“I’m glad I left some of my perfect fashion in Yuki’s house in case of emergency. I could not come back to my house smelling like booze and cigarettes”_

He went directly to the kitchen, to be greeted by his mother and father, who were already eating. Karamatsu showed them what he bought and helped his mother accommodate everything in the fridge and the shelves; he even talked with his father for a while and borrowed his newspaper to check for new job offers that he could apply to. Karamatsu felt lucky that his parents did not seemed to be bothered by his nights out of the house, he even took the time to explain them that he made a new friend and went to see them every Friday, so his parents would not be worried about him doing something dangerous, but both of his parents became happy when he told them that. Apparently, they were happy that he made new friends to hang out with since that was a sign that he was getting better and his depression was improving.

Karamatsu felt better, of course. But his dreams and the voices told him that he was not better yet. He still had lots to work on.

But at least his parents were happy.

After helping Matsuyo, Karamatsu went to the dining room with the others. They were all having breakfast, so Karamatsu opened up the door making a pose just as usual.

“My brothers, I have arrived!” he exclaimed, going to the table and sat down in his regular place. They were eating rice, soft boiled eggs, miso soup and some veggies, so Karamatsu helped himself and took his own share “Isn’t this just a lovely morning? The sun is shining like a brilliant spotlight for every creature on this beautiful planet. The birds are singing! The plum trees are blooming! There is no doubt that spring is around the corner, isn’t that right?”

Ichimatsu scoffed, making a great effort to not throw his plate at Karamatsu.

“Shut up! It’s annoying, I just got up…”

“Sorry” Karamatsu did his best not to feel bad about it. It was normal, Ichimatsu was always like that to him. He always talked like he was barking but he probably did not mean to be rude to him, Ichimatsu just got up and was kind of stressed.

It was difficult, though. Sometimes he had trouble controlling his feelings and sad emotions were the worst to deal with. Karamatsu took a glass of water and drank, trying not to think about it. The table become silent, only the sound of the chopsticks touching the plates could be heard.

Choromatsu could feel the tension coming from Karamatsu, so he coughed, trying to get everybody’s attention.

“So, Karamatsu… How was your night?”

Karamatsu lifted his head, smiling again. Thinking about his night made the fears go away for a while.

“I had a lot of fun. There was a lot of music and lights, I had a few drinks. Not too much, though. I can’t drink a lot, I mean, the doctor forbid it for me but… I guess two shots are not going to kill me” He laughed a little, but the rest of his brothers looked at each other and seemed to be uncomfortable, so he looked at them suspiciously. “Brothers? Are you alright?  Oh, maybe you don’t like this breakfast? Worry not, my dear family, as your beloved brother came back home with a lot of groceries and snacks for everybody. I bought pudding! So we can all share it later together”

“Oh… Really?” Todomatsu lifted his head, pleasantly surprised. “My, Karamatsu, that’s really sweet. You… You didn’t have to”

“I wanted to. I mean, I had some money and I wanted to do something for you, to show you that I care. We…” Karamatsu sighed, drinking some water before talking some more. “We are always kind of selfish with each other. I mean, we need to have our own space and our own stuff, but sharing every now and then could be good too. After all, I’ve been leaving you all alone lately”

Everybody looked at each other. They knew that Karamatsu left them alone the last few weeks, but he had his reasons. He was working, he had friends and they have never been the best brothers. Even now, after two months, Karamatsu had been doing a great effort to improve and he always had time to spend with them. He even bought them stuff with his own money, earned every weekend. For five of the sextuplets it was the very first time they felt so guilty about something, specially about Karamatsu.

“Thank you, nii-san” That was Jyuushi, hugging Karamatsu tightly. That made the blue Matsuno feel a little better. “We can eat pudding together later!”

Choromatsu nodded, and then he averted his eyes to the side.

“Yes, thanks, Karamatsu. Either way… We wanted to talk. All of us. With you.”

“With me?”

Karamatsu tilted his head. His brothers looked kind of serious, so he was wondering what could possibly make them make those awkward expressions.

“Yes… We… We know your secret”

For a little second, Karamatsu’s face went blank. They said they knew his secret but the question was: which one? He had no way to know and he was already getting nervous about it, as he could not lie to his brothers when he was nervous, but Karamatsu ended up covering half of his face with his hand in a cool pose.

“Ah, my dearest brothers, a cool guy like me does not have any secrets. Even someone as great as me is incapable to lie to you!”

“Cut the crap” Ichimatsu groaned again, before blushing a little and look away. “We know. About this… This thing… On Fridays.  Where you go and all that”

“Oh…”

 _“Goodness, no. They know! How the heck do they know?”_ he thought, almost panicking. _“Wait, they want to go to my workplace? They will probably mess everything up… But…”_

Karamatsu was already planning what to say, what to do, so his brothers would not go to the bar. Osomatsu took out Alterna’s card, confirming his suspicions. He loved his brothers dearly and he wanted to spend time with them, but Alterna was his own world. His place. It was there where he could sing, laugh, and wore his _perfect fashion_ without being bullied.

And he wanted that place to belong to him and his friends only. No matter how much Karamatsu loved his brothers, he could not share that part of his new life to them. He was still scared of them, scared of what they might do if they ever went to Alterna. It was a rule in the family to ruin the life of any of them as soon as they had something that could make them “graduate from his hellish NEEThood”. Even though Karamatsu was not really sure if his work in Alterna counted as a graduation, he was not going to let his brothers screw with the only place where people actually saw him as cool.

“Brothers, I…. I…”

Todomatsu shook his head and patted his shoulder, caressing him a little.

“Hush now, niisan. You don’t have to explain. We understand”

That was actually new, to the point that Karamatsu stared at the rest completely dumbfounded.

“You… You do?” He could not believe it. Karamatsu felt so relieved that he took out his glasses and covered his face with both of his hands. “I… I am so relieved. My beloved brothers, I am sorry that I kept it a secret but… But… I just couldn’t. I mean, I know it’s kind of selfish and that we are supposed to not have secrets, but…”

“It’s okay, Niisan. I can imagine it is not something so easy to say. I mean, there are things that we can’t just say to others, even our family!” Todomatsu was being sweet and understanding. They all were. After all, it couldn’t be easy for his older brother to admit that he was gay. He probably did not want them to know and now they were outing him, so they had to show Karamatsu that they loved him anyway. “We haven’t told mom and dad, though. I don’t know how they will take it”

“Do… Do you think they won't understand?”

Karamatsu’s heart stopped for a moment, thinking about the possibility of his parents disapproving his new lifestyle, his new passion for music. He was still not sure if he wanted to make a career out of it but, right now, it was was what he enjoyed.

Choromatsu smiled at his older brother.

“Well, they are from a different generation. But don’t worry… When you feel like you can tell them, we’ll be there with you”

“Yeah! And we’ll tie them up on the roof if they don’t like it!” Jyuushimatsu exclaimed, moving his hands up and down before smiling widely to his brother. “Because niisan is still niisan and we love him!”

“Oh god… You guys…” Karamatsu felt the tears already gathering in his eyes. He could not help it, he was having one of those emotional attacks in which his feelings were difficult to manage. Right now he was just too happy to have his brother’s love and trust, like he had always wanted to, but Karamatsu also felt like crap for keeping secrets and thinking bad of them. “I… I am sorry… I know I should’ve told you sooner but… But… It’s just… It was so difficult. I was scared! I… I thought that the bar was the only place I could be myself and have fun”

The rest felt their hearts getting squeezed a little bit with those words. It was like Karamatsu did not trust them and they knew that he had every right to feel like that, but knowing it did not made the wound hurt any less. Even Ichimatsu was a little uncomfortable but even so, he moved and sit next to Karamatsu.

“Scared? Why…? It’s not like… You have to tell me or anything, but… If you want…”

Karamatsu was still crying, he could not stop it. Jyuushi was hugging him and Todomatsu was patting him in the head. Osomatsu was laughing at all the display, but it was a sincere laugh, and Choromatsu was already giving him some tissues so he could clean his face. Karamatsu was in heaven. Not even in his wildest dreams did he think that his brothers would be so good to him.

“I… Was scared of you. Of all of you. What would you do if you found out? What if you made fun of me or… Or hated me? I just… I didn’t wanted to be bullied again. I almost lost it once, I… I don’t think I can handle it twice. Not now, when I can barely control my feelings”

That felt like a knife going straight into their hearts, going out and coming back again. But when they looked at their brother there, crying from happiness because they told him that they actually loved him and accepted him, the brothers realized that they had no room to complain. They were the ones who hurt him. He had his reasons to keep something so intímate as a secret. Besides, deep inside them, they knew that if the circumstances were different they probably would’ve bullied him. Not because there was something wrong with being gay, but Karamatsu being gay was another story.

Osomatsu knew it. And knowing it only made things worse, because there was no way in hell they could repair what they did. But he wanted everything to be like before, so he stretched out his hand and messed with Karamatsu’s hair affectionately.

“Hey now, don’t say that. We’re brothers! Yeah, I know, probably not the best brothers in this fucking world. But we would never hate you, Karamatsu.  It took us by surprise, yeah, but if it makes you happy and that place where you go makes you feel better, then go for it! Whatever are your choices in life, we will always be here for you. As long as you are happy”

“You don’t need to tell us everything” Ichimatsu mumbled, playing with his chopsticks. “And we don’t have to go to that bar if you don’t want us… That’s your place. So it’s alright”

Todomatsu butted in, hugging his crying older brother while rubbing his cheeks together.

“But if you want us to go, you just have to say it! We’ll be cheering for you and we will behave”.

“And, and!” Jyuushimatsu was already getting all pumped up, putting his chin over Karamatsu’s head. “If somebody messes with you, we will crush their bones!”

“Jyuushimatsu, that’s a crime!” Choromatsu was already being the voice of reason, though it was hard while he was trying to clean Karamatsu’s face, all covered in tears. “But yeah… We support you, okay? Just be careful, I don’t want you to see the wrong people or do anything dangerous. There are people out there who will try to take advantage of you!”

Karamatsu kept sobbing and crying for a while. He could only gasp and mumble a little, saying “My brothers!” every now and again in his terrible English. He was more emotional than ever, but his brothers did not seemed to mind at all as they were laughing, trying to comfort him and messing with him in a gentle way. His brothers telling him that they supported him, cheering him on, hugging him, it was all too much after all those years being bullied and all those months being convinced that the world would be better off without him. The dark voices in his mind became completely silent, as his happiness was too overwhelming.

Finally, he was able to calm down. Choromatsu gave him a glass of water and they all started eating again. Karamatsu was now sure that, deep inside, his brothers were actually good at heart. They were kind souls, even if you had to dig up a lot of dirt before seeing what they really were. He may not be able to forgive and forget everything they did but, at least, this was a good stepping stone in their relationship. Everything was getting better and his brothers were finally changing, even if it was only a little bit, so now they could work on it and improve.

“Hum…” Todomatsu turned around to him, one finger under his lower lip. “Karamatsu niisan, can I ask you something? It’s personal, so if you don’t want to answer just say it, okay?”

“But of course, dear Todomatsu! I am here to answer all your questions, as your big brother that is my principal job. Do you want to know how to be cool like me? Because if that’s the case, you have to look for your inner coolness and bring it out, my brother”

“Wha…? No! Geez, you are still painful” he rubbed his own ribcage, to make sure his bones were fine. “No, no… I mean, we found out about your outings and such by accident, but… Well… How did _you_ know?”

Karamatsu tilted his head.

“How did I know… what?”

“About this! About you and Alterna! How did you realized that you liked… Well… I mean, I always had the suspicion but… Well…”

Karamatsu thought that his brother wanted to know about his new passion for music and his new career as a performer for Alterna. He decided he was going to answer and be sincere, after all, they all were supporting him with his music.

“Honestly, I always felt it inside of me. It was like… A whisper. A soft whisper, being carried away by a shy wind that could barely touch me. I was blind, you know? Thinking that I knew what I was doing but, then, after talking with Yuki and learning about a lot of stuff… Well, I realized that those whispers meant more”

Everybody was looking now at him, completely surprised. Ichimatsu was not even touching his food anymore.

“More?” he asked, so interested that he did not see the cat going to him and sitting on his lap.

“Yes. I started to read, to go out, to see people and... Well, at some point those shy whispers became a loud scream that needed to get out. I felt like I was deceiving myself somehow if I did not let it out, so… Well… That’s how I… It’s weird to explain for those who don’t feel it”

_“After all, creating music is not for everybody”_

“Well, I guess you are right” Osomatsu said, eating some rice. “Unlike Totty, I’ve never thought about it, but if that’s what swirls your boat then… Go for it, right?”

“As expected of the eldest son, completely oblivious about certain things” Osomatsu made a grimace and Karamatsu could not help but snicker at him. “But to be honest, I am not completely sure if this is what I am. But it is what I am _now_ , what I… Want. At least for now”

“So you are not completely sure?” Todomatsu wanted to know more to be able to understand it. “Well, that’s fine too! Right guys?”

“Yeah, you are experimenting” Osomatsu yawned, scratching his belly. “Everybody experiments, you can always choose better later. Or maybe you don’t? No one rushes you”

The rest nodded, completely agree. But Choromatsu had to have the last word.

“But please, make sure not to tell our parents until you are sure. They probably won’t understand at first, so we have to make it easier for them”.

“I understand, brother. I was not planning on telling them just yet, but I’ll keep that in mind. Now, let’s finish this delicious meal that our beloved mother made with her very own hands, so we can live this day full of energy!”

And as always, everybody hugged themselves and screamed in pain. But this time, Karamatsu just laughed and kept eating. The rest of the day kept going like it always did, Karamatsu practicing his cooking skills, everybody eating pudding together, then watching TV. Jyuushimatsu went to train with Ichimatsu tied to his baseball bat and Osomatsu went to the horse races. The day went well until five o’clock, when the doorbell sounded and Choromatsu got up to open the door.

“Yes, is there anything…?”

He shut up. On the other side was Karamatsu’s friend, behind a grey bike. The same one that spend the night with his brother. He was now wearing a brown beanie, baggy jeans and and an anorak, but it was still the same person. For a moment, Choromatsu could not help but wonder if he and Karamatsu had something more than friendship. Maybe, when they were alone and together they did… Stuff. Weird stuff. Gay stuff. He felt his own cheeks on fire at the thought, before realizing he was completely mute for a while.

“O-oh! You are… Yuki, right? I am so sorry, I did not recognize you. Hum… You took out your piercings?” It was a lame excuse, but it worked because Yuki just smiled.

“Yes. I can’t have them on during work. I also changed my bangs, they are green now, like your hoodie”

“Really?” Yuki lifted his beanie a little, to let him see, and Choromatsu nodded. “Wow, it looks good. Ah, sorry, are you looking for Karamatsu?”

“Yes, he invited me. I was supposed to come earlier, but work became a little wild. We had like, three families and two groups of teenagers bursting into the café just twenty minutes before closing, so…”

“Ah, I understand. Come on in”

Yuki asked him if there was a place he could leave his bike. After arranging that, both of them went to the living room. Karamatsu was there, fixing the strings of his guitar. Choromatsu could see Yuki smiling and then he spoke, changing his voice a little.

“Wow, that’s nice! You can play the bass?”

The green one could not believe it when he saw Karamatsu’s vein get swollen in rage.

“No! Osomatsu, I believe I have explained you one hundred and twenty times that this, my dear brother, is an splendid and magnificent guitar. Not a bass! Seriously, are you doing it on purpose or…?” Karamatsu could not hide his shock when he lifted his head and saw his friend instead one of his brothers. For a moment he stayed there, confused, until his neurons made contact again and he was able to remember that Yuki was supposed to be there. “Oh, Yuki! You came! Sorry, I was so focused on this…”

Yuki laughed, dismissing everything with a movement of his hand. Choromatsu’s eyes widened as he watched the new guy kissing Karamatsu in both of his cheeks before the two of them sat down in front of the table, chatting. He could barely believe it… Not only Karamatsu was having a nice chat with someone who seemed to be normal, but this guy kissed him and Karamatsu was fine with it. Choromatsu was panicking in his mind, even though he was sitting in front of the couple who was talking about music stuff that he was not able to comprehend and smiling at them. Yuki searched in his bag, taking out a laptop in its case and a few books.

“Here, these are the books for your brother. It was… Todomatsu, right?”

“Yes. I’ll leave them here, he’ll be completely and utterly ecstatic when he sees them”

“I sure hope so” Yuki said, before taking the laptop from its case. “Here, look. I’ve found so many videos you can’t imagine. This bands are the best! But… You Sure you want to check them on? I mean, they all sing in English”

Karamatsu nodded.

“Yes, I have to improve on it anyway. Besides, we are just watching the videos and listening to the songs, right? I presume that, even if my understanding of the English language it’s not as good as I like to think it is, I will be able to enjoy the songs nevertheless”.

Yuki shrugged.

“Psh, right. You don’t need to understand something to like it. A lot of people would never be in love if that was the case. But if you want, there are a few websites in which you can practice and learn English. They are free, even”.

“Oh, that would be….”

Choromatsu frowned, unable to stay quiet.

“You want to improve your English skills, niisan? Why didn’t you tell me? I could help”

Karamatsu turned to his brother, surprised by the question. He had not expected Choromatsu to still be there, much less want to help him in his search to become better at English.

“Ah, well, I apologise, brother. But I’ve asked you before and you always said that you would only help me over your dead body, so I thought…”

“That was a joke!” he screamed, becoming completely ashamed and red faced for being outed in front of a guest. It was not a joke the time he said it, but it was a joke now as he did want to help Karamatsu. For some reason he was not able to explain, but he actually wanted to do it. Maybe it was an attempt to redeem himself, but he was not really sure about it, “I… I wouldn’t mind helping you out, you know I am the best in English.”

“Well, If you don’t mind, then I believe it’s fine. Besides, with your help and Yuki´s help, I am sure that I’ll get better in no time!”

Choromatsu smiled, having his older brother attention. Then he panicked. It was the first time he was happy of having Karamatsu’s attention. His older brother got up to get some juice and a few snacks for both of them, then Yuki turned his head to him.

“It’s nice that you want to help your brother. I am pretty sure you’ll do a better job than me. I can help him with his pronunciation, but to be honest my grammar is not that good”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s even worse in Japanese. Some of my teachers are actually scolding me and discounting my grades because my grammar sucks. I don’t need it to be a designer but it is complicating my life”

“Oh… Well, I could help you with that too”

Yuki lifted his head, his eyes glistening of happiness.

“Really? Oh that would be awesome! I’ll pay you for it, though”

Choromatsu felt his inner NEET scream in joy, but he had to be a proper person. He could not charge for a favor!

“I-it’s not necessary…”

“Really? Well… What about sweets, then? I am an ace at baking. A batch of cookies for every class, whatcha say?”

That was actually a good offer. In the end, Choromatsu accepted the cookies as payment for his lessons and, as soon as Karamatsu came back with three glasses of juice and a big plate full of watermelon oreos, he realized that he was also involved in their fun activities too. Which was nice, even if the bands they were listening to were too much for him. They didn’t had any idol and the music was too loud, with too much bass and drums, and the videos were also too flashy.

“Why was he interrupting a wedding?” he dared to ask, after watching one of those videos.

“Because he had to show the groom that his bride was cheating on him” Yuki answered putting back his piercings without needing a mirror, Karamatsu was too focused on the video to do so.

“But that’s terrible! He should’ve said something _before_ the couple spent all their money in a ceremony. And storm the place with a circus company, that’s just…” Yuki snickered, and he felt his cheeks blush. “W-what’s so funny?”

“You. Getting all riled up because of a music video. It’s adorable, you are exactly like Karamatsu told me you’d be”

“Karamatsu… Talks about me?”

Even Karamatsu lifted his head, surprised by his question.

“Well, of course. He talks about his brothers 24/7”

Karamatsu himself made a pose, caressing his hair with his own hand.

“My beloved brothers are very important to me. And my best friend here, understands that. As I care about him too, so I have to share my love for my brothers with him too. Right, Yuki?”

“Yeah. I have brothers too, so I understand even if sometimes he says too much”

Choromatsu felt his heart race.

“Oh god, what did you say Karamatsu?!”

He rolled his eyes.

“Nothing…”

“Don’t worry, Choromatsu” Yuki said, writing the name of a new song in the browser. “A lot of people have dakimakuras of their idols… And… Sleeps with them”

Choromatsu’s screech was heard ten miles away.

After an hour, the rest of the Matsunos came back home. They were surprised to see a new person in their living room, browsing on a laptop at the same time that Karamatsu was playing his guitar and Choromatsu was reading some manga. But, after greeting each other again and starting to chat, everybody started to be quite comfortable with their guest. After all, it was new for them having someone who was foreigner, who could read manga with Choromatsu, talked about fashion with Totty and about sports with Jyuushimatsu. Even if their arguments about which sport was better (baseball or football) could get a little too wild.

Ichimatsu was avoiding the newcomer, looking at him, already clutched and hugging his own knees. Osomatsu was far away than the rest, glaring at Yuki. He was there, smiling, talking with Totty about his classes and Jyuushimatsu was clinging over him, still asking if he wanted to play baseball. Ichimatsu was just shy and nervous to talk to the guy again, not having anything in common they could share, but Osomatsu was boiling to see his little brothers praising another person. Ichimatsu was holding Suzu, his handicapped cat, when the little creature left of his grasp and went with the newcomer, sitting on his lap like he knew him for all its life. Ichi trembled, trying to get his cat back, but Yuki patted Suzu without missing a beat.

“My, my, what a lovely kitten you have. This is the one you told me, Karamatsu? The one you saved?”

At Yuki’s words, Karamatsu’s cheeks flushed and he even chuckled a little. His twins stood there, astonished that he was not pulling off his usual cool antics.

“Honestly though, Ichimatsu did as much as I to save her. If he hadn’t carried her away, the dog might have caught her. He even put himself between the cat and the dog without hesitation.”

Ichimatsu’s face became as hot as a boiling kettle, especially when Yuki turned to him and smiled.

“Then you are a hero too, Ichimatsu. Ah, sorry, would you rather I’d call you Ichimatsu-san? Sometimes I forget about the honorifics, I’m sorry”

“N-no” he stuttered, looking the other way. Ichimatsu got closer, just to be able to pet Suzu’s head. “Ichimatsu is fine, trash like me does not deserve more than that. And I am no hero… I just…”

“Did the right thing at the right time? Put another life before yours? Did not care about the fact that a dog can easily kill you and you confronted it anyway?”

The purple Matsuno did not know how to respond to that.

“Hum… Maybe?”

“Nice! Isn’t that what heroes do? I mean, I don’t know If I would have the courage… I am used to fighting against other humans , but a beast whose mandibules can tear me apart with little effort… Not so sure about it”

“I could not let it hurt her…” Ichimatsu scratched the little cat’s head. Suzu was smaller than other cats and she was not going to grow too much, according to the veterinarian, thanks to the little nutrients she had while she was on the streets. And the attack did not helped.

As the rest of his brothers were just drinking some tea  in their own world (Jyuushimatsu, for example, was playing with his ball and Osomatsu was still in a corner), Ichi looked at the person who was holding his purring cat on his lap

He looked nice. Ichimatsu was still trying to figure out why Osomatsu started glaring and growling as soon as he saw Yuki. Though he had to admit that the man had a feminine air surrounding him and his features were softer than what he was used to seeing. Ichimatsu looked at his face, and realized that his older brother was right when he had said that Yuki’s eyes reminded him at one of his cats.

For some reason, imagining that person as a cat made him feel a little better about being near someone new.

“So… You like cats, Yuki-san?”  He had to ask, it was necessary.

“Just ‘Yuki’ is fine, we don’t use honorifics where I come from. And yes! I love them!” he said, smiling widely while petting Suzu. “I mean, who couldn’t love them? They are the cutest thing on this earth. Sadly, I can’t have one… I work and study all day, I wouldn’t have the time that one of this cuties needs”

“That’s too bad.  The cat’s part, I mean. But it’s good that you are a productive member for society”.

“I… Am not really sure how productive I am. I just do what I have to? I mean, If I wanna be a designer I have to study, and I have to pay for my studies. And my food. And house. So it’s not like I have a choice”

“That’s too much work. Isn’t it tiresome?”

Yuki’s sighed and his expression seemed to be a mixture of tiredness and getting fed up.

“I won’t lie, some days I just don’t want to get up. I’m like: Geez, now I have to get out and do things, talk to people. Idiot people. And I don’t want to… I mean, have you ever worked in a café?” Ichimatsu shook his head, as well as the rest. “Well, you have to be smiling all the fricken day! The one who said that shit about the customer always being right has never worked as a waiter.”

“Heck yeah!” Totty exclaimed, playing with his phone and making a disgusted expression after remembering some difficult customers.

“And working as a model can be fun, but it can also be kind of toxic too. But well, at least there is more fun moments than bad ones and it’s better than anything else I’ve had ever had before, so… Sadly, everything takes up so much of my time that I can’t have a pet”.

“Mh... That’s not good. A life without cats is a sad life”

At least, it was for him.

“I fill the void that the lack of cats leaves in my life with other stuff, but nothing can replace this little buddies purr. I miss sleeping surrounded by cats” Ichimatsu looked at Yuki with a wondering expression and the newcomer laughed a little. “I used to have cats when I lived in Italy with the rest of my family... You should travel to Rome some day, Ichimatsu. It’s crowded with cats”

Ichimatsu’s eyes became bright and he started to ask more questions about this land crowded with cats. Yuki even showed him pictures of it in his laptop, making Karamatsu’s twin smile a little and even talk some more. The rest also wanted to see the pictures Yuki had about his country, especially the ones of his town, and they were looking at them with gleamy eyes. They asked questions that Yuki answered gladly, which ranged from his homeland, the food, the cats, his job and the piercings. Before anybody could stop them, Jyuushimatsu and Ichimatsu were touching the piercings.

“Guys, stop!” Choromatsu was trying to scold them. “You’ll make him uncomfortable! You can’t just go and start touching somebody else’s body like that”

Jyuushimatsu was hyped. In the other corner, Osomatsu was growling. He could not understand what was so amazing about that dude, he was just a normal person who worked, studied and had a weird way of dressing. But nothing else! He was not stinking rich or super handsome, he wasn’t also extremely intelligent and still had a strange accent when talking. What was so great about a guy like that? Osomatsu wondered. Why was everybody praising him like he was some kind of angel, when he was only some random dude with nothing special whatsoever?

He was indeed nice, Osomatsu had to recognize that. He laughed a lot. He always answered questions and he seemed to be rather honest. Even himself would be able to get along with him, if he tried, but he did not wanted to. There was something odd with that person, he was sure about it.

Nobody on this earth could be that good.

_“I mean, having a job? Yeah, okay. Studying? Sure, no prob. But he also has to be good at baking, likes cats, sports, video games and fashion and music and he acts like he is actually interested in everything people say to him… He even made friends with Karamatsu and helped him without even knowing him face to face. No one can be that nice without a reason!”_

Afterall, he had met already people who were too nice and loved by everybody, only to find out they were monsters.

Jyuushimatsu whined, while touching Yuki’s eyebrow piercing.

“But this is so cool! I want to touch them all day”

“Jyuushimatsu….”

Yuki waved his hand.

“It’s alright, I don’t mind. I am pretty used at this kind of stuff… As long as you don’t try to pluck them” he petted Jyuushimatsu’s head, apparently not giving a fuck about the yellow Matsu messing with his piercings.

He was even fatherly. Just thinking about it made Osomatsu even more grumpy. He could not stop his own feelings, but he was also unable to understand them. He was not sure why he was so wary and mad about somebody who he had barely talked to.

After a while, Karamatsu and Yuki sat together again. The first one was writing something in his blue notebook and the second one was using one of his design programs to do something with a drawing. Or something like that. Whatever he was doing, Choromatsu and Totty were looking at it completely focused, but Ichi and Jyuushi were playing together with Suzu. Osomatsu tried his best to grow a pair and talk with his brother’s friend, convinced that he was probably over-reacting… But then Yuki looked at his watch and mumbled.

“Damn, it’s getting late. I should go back, have a few designs to finish and there’s work tomorrow again”

Karamatsu took a sip of water.

“Didn’t you said that one of your coworkers covered you tomorrow? Or was it today?”

“Tomorrow, yes. But that’s because I have a photoshoot. Apparently the brand that wanted us was not going to have it any other day than tomorrow, I don’t know why. I don’t really care as long as I get paid”

“Yes, you are a model!” Totty exclaimed, his eyes gleaming with a mixture of admiration and envy. “It must be amazing, seeing all those cute girls with different outfits. Or with few clothes”

Yuki lifted his pierced eyebrow.

“There are guys too, Todomatsu. And I have to spend half an hour with my hair being rearranged, my face getting a makeover and posing. There was this time I had to pose with a guy in very, veeery tight underwear. It was… Awkward”.

“Ugh, don’t ruin my fantasy like that. And here I was having a good time, thinking about the girls.”

“Ruining things is my job. That way I make sure that no one else tries to steal my spot in the fashion industry”

Todomatsu started complaining, smiling in his cute/sneaky way while telling Yuki that he was being “so, so, mean to him” because he was “overly cute and he could steal the spotlight”. Yuki just laughed, grabbed his stuff and said goodbye to everybody. The Matsu’s followed him and Karamatsu as silently as they could, to spy on them when they were at the entrance hall.

“Well, I hope you had a good time here, Yuki. We always go to your house, so I thought…”

Yuki gave him a bright smile that just enlightened his day.

“Yeah, I had a really good time! Your brothers are pretty fun once you get to know them”

“Ah, my beloved friend, dear angel who came into my life guided by destiny’s wings… It makes me utterly happy that you and my family get along. I was kind of scared that they misbehaved and made you feel unwanted”.

“Why would they do that…?” Yuki asked, rearranging his bag on his shoulder with a puzzled look on his face. Karamatsu scratched his head, not knowing how to reply.

“Well… I… You know…”

“Brother’s stuff?” Karamatsu nodded at the question and Yuki just sighed. “Got it. But don’t worry, even if they do weird things you already prepared me for that, didn’t you? Besides, in all honestly, your brothers are more normal than my friends.”

The idea of them being more normal than anybody else made Karamatsu lose his ability to speak for a few minutes. Even the spying Matsunos were completely out of it, trying to imagine said friends. How weird they had to be that even the people inside their own household were considered normals. Yuki snapped his fingers.

“Earth to Karamatsu?”

“Ah, my dearest…. I think… It’s just… I believe that your words made my mind go into an strange thinking loop. It is indeed invading my head now”

“All right… Good luck with that then, Karaboy”

The other twins had to cover their mouths in order not to scream in surprise when they saw Yuki getting closer to their brother, grabbing his arm and then kissing him on the cheek. They could not believe it. A person does not simply kiss somebody on their cheek like that unless they were dating or had a very, very intímate relationship. That’s how their country worked, the brothers thought, all while looking at Karamatsu getting a little flustered and chuckling about it.

Normally, something like that would make Karamatsu cry in joy, go into a monologue at the time he was taking out red roses from who-knows-where. But instead he was smiling at his friend, his flushed cheeks being the only sign of embarrassment. It was a mystery on what the heck happened to their brother. Todomatsu coughed.

“W-well, he is foreigner, so maybe it’s something of Yuki’s country”,

“But they kissed!” Jyuushi was excited, watching the other two exchanging farewells.

“It has to be like a custom or a tradition.” Ichimatsu lifted his head to one side. Now they knew Karamatsu was gay, but that was not expected. “They said they were not a couple, so…”

“Yeah” Choromatsu, as always, was pretending to be the voice of reason even if he was impressed too. “And they don’t have a reason to lie to us! Yuki-san does not seem to be in the closet like Karamat… Jyuushi, don’t!”

Jyuushimatsu, as direct as he was, ran towards Karamatsu and his friend, smiling like he always did. They both noticed him immediately and caressed his head.

“Hey, hey, Yuki-san!”

“I told you already that you don’t have to use the…”

“Can I have a kiss too?”

The sudden question seemed to caught Yuki off guard. Even Karamatsu made a confused expression and he was about to explain to his little brother that he could not just ask for that kind of stuff, especially asking for direct contact like that. It was rude. But Yuki said it was no problem.

“Sure, I don’t mind. As long as you ask for permission first.”

“Yaaaay! Kisses for meee!”

Jyuushi threw a party, dancing, jumping and everything. Yuki laughed at the display and gave him a kiss on his forehead, only giving him one on his cheek when Jyuushi complained about it. After getting his kisses, the yellow one left them alone, singing and jumping his way back to the living room. Karamatsu sighed and smiled.

“My Karamatsu boy, you don’t have to spoil him if you don’t want to.”

“He asked for permission.” Yuki answered, solemnly. “Besides, he’s too cute. Jyuushi reminds me to my own little brother”.

Choromatsu squinted his eyes and tried to listen.

“What did he say? I couldn’t hear!”

The rest could not hear either, except Osomatsu, who just glared at the intruder in complete silence.

_“An older brother too, huh?”_

In the end, Yuki opened the door to leave. Only to be greeted by lighting, followed by a heavy downpour. There was thunder too. Everybody stood there, looking at the street with their faces distorted by confusion and surprise. It was not supposed to rain like that, not at this time of year. Karamatsu, completely concerned, took his friend by his shoulder.

“You better stay. My parents won’t mind and they went out before you came, so they probably won’t be back until late”

“I-it’s okay! Just a little water it’s not going to kill me”

Suddenly a they saw a terrible avalanche of water going down the street, taking with it a poor man with a weird head screaming “Dayooooon!” on the way down. Both friends looked at each other, nodded, and close the door.

Though Yuki started cursing like crazy.

“Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck! What the hell I am supposed to do!? I have to finish my fucking Project with Nina, I have to prepare for fucking tomorrow, I have to make so many fucking things and I can't do shit!! When the fuck did it started raining? WHEN?!”

“Yuki, my angel, please calm down…”

“I can’t even go out without ruining my laptop! Half of my stupid work is in there… My projects, my dresses, my ideas for this year festivals. Damn, I just… Damn it!”

Karamatsu had seen his friend like that before, whenever he had to present a project and he was short of time, or when Yuki was watching football matches. So he knew that he had to cross his arms and wait until he vented. He was not cursing in Italian and he was not talking about anybody’s ass, mom, body parts or the things that his shoes could do to them, so it was not serious. Karamatsu used to be completely and utterly shocked whenever Yuki started cursing like a sailor in the deep sea, but after being with him almost everyday he got used to it. It was still weird whenever Yuki was in girls clothes, but Karamatsu could do nothing besides laugh and wait until his friends cursing attack subsidized.

“Are you finished, dearest Yuki?”

“Yes, I… No, no, wait…” Yuki crossed his arms over his chest, thinking. “Yeah, I’m good now”

“Geez, who taught you to curse like that?”

“Half of my family, who else? I have like twelve cousins! Or more, maybe, I am not sure anymore”

Karamatsu laughed, shaking his head side to side.

“Well, whatever. It seems that you have to spend the night here. I’ll prepare the couch for you to sleep”

“Yeah, I don’t mind, but…” Yuki fidgeted and then looked at Karamatsu with a confused and worried expression. He tilted his head, trying to understand, until Yuki made a little sign at his chest. “You know… Too many hours”

“Mh?” He did not understand until his mind added two and two and he remembered. “Ohhh! Yes! S-sorry, I forgot about it. Umh… It is alright if I give you something more loose to wear. Maybe one of my hoodies?”

“Yes… Well, I am glad I bought my laptop charger. And a toothbrush!”

“You go around with a toothbrush in your bag?”

“I have everything on my bag” Yuki answered, completely serious. Karamatsu took a mental note about it, to remember it for later. He was getting curious about Yuki’s bag.

But before he had any chance to check his friend’s bag just to see if he really had everything in it, Karamatsu went back with his friend to the living room, where his brothers were sitting around the kotatsu doing their own thing. He explained to them the situation and they all seemed  to agree that the best was for Yuki to stay at their home for that night, since it was raining like crazy and half the street was covered in water. Osomatsu nodded, but Karamatsu saw his older brother isolating himself in a corner while watching the TV, when the rest sat with them at the kotatsu and tried to have a normal conversation.

And they just tried, because they soon started fighting each other over the tiniest thing. Jyuushimatsu always wanted to have hugs from Yuki and buried his face in his chest, though this did not seemed to bother Yuki at all. Ichimatsu wanted to see more pictures of Rome’s cats, Todomatsu started reading his new books and Choromatsu screamed like a madman because Yuki showed him pictures of dakimakuras.  Karamatsu listened to music from his mp3, looking at his older brother who was just there, existing. He could not stop thinking that Osomatsu was acting kind of weird, being so silent when he used to be so noisy.

There was a moment when Yuki said that he had to work a little, using his laptop. Karamatsu watched him open one of the three designing programs that he had in his machine and another extra program to be able to chat with his project partner. In complete silence, Yuki was typing on his keyboard, and using his little mouse to fix things on his design.

The sextuplets ended up watching him work. It was something they had never seen before, a person working on something as important as a college project. Yuki looked completely focused, moving his fingers without looking at the keyboard as he had his eyes glued to the screen. He was putting shades and contour, he was changing colours and patterns, he was copying lines and putting light on the image. He saved whenever he made a new layer, sending it to his friend who also tinkered with the image only to send it back. There was also a lot of specifications written on the program’s window about the measurements, details of the neck and wrists, shape. It was interesting to see, but also weird.

“Ehhhh” Todomatsu mumbled, staring at the screen. “So you use this to design clothes? But they seem so… normal”

Karamatsu frowned, but Yuki snickered.

“Of course. This kind of designing has its limits, that’s why the pros do it by hand. We have to know how to use this kind of programs, they sometimes even ask us to use photoshop to tinker with the dresses. To add colour and texture, things like that.”

“I see. But why do you need to use this thing when you can make one of a kind stuff by hand?”

“If you only sell one of a kind clothes, you won’t earn any money. You have to aim to common people and different kinds of stores, so you need to be able to mass produce” Yuki made a weird face for a second. “Well, it’s not actually mass producing. But something like that. Anyway, we have to make a few of these and, yet, coming up with special fabrics and patterns. It’s all a lot of work.”

Osomatsu was looking at the screen. At the fingers that moved quickly over the keyboard and the mouse. By the corner of his eye, he also looked at Yuki’s face, devoid of any emotion except of his eyes. Even if his face was stone cold, the dude’s eyes were shining to the point they seemed capable to do an x-ray with them, maybe even set the house on fire only with the power of that gaze. He felt small under the influence of those eyes… He had never seen anybody with that kind of look before.

The oldest of the sextuplets looked to the other way as soon as he felt that Yuki was going to look at him. It was just for a moment, though, because Yuki’s eyes went to the screen once again. Osomatsu clenched his fists, not knowing why he felt pain in his chest… He was wondering if he felt envy of Yuki, because he had found something that he loved doing. Then again, all that took too much work. Maybe it was because he had a passion, Something that moved him. Still it was too much work, too much effort. Why going to all that trouble only to be somebody when you had a roof over your head and food? Besides, as long as he had his brothers then everything would be fine.

“Wow, you are fast!”

That was Jyuushi’s voice.

“I am used to this. I prefer designing by hand, though”

“Really? I think this is neat...”

He could not believe Ichimatsu was complimenting somebody. He heard Karamatsu’s laugh and, by the corner of his eye, saw him going to the kitchen. Maybe it was dinner time already, it was his time to make supper.

“Thanks, Ichimatsu.”

“But is also a lot of work…” Osomatsu nodded in approval at his little brother’s words. “Wouldn’t it be better to be a NEET like us? You could have cats and do nothing all day.”

Yuki made a sound that was a mixture of a grunt and a scoffing.

“No way in hell. I won’t be living under a bridge again like a goddamned hobo”

The room was silent for a moment, Yuki’s fingers against the keyboard were the only thing everybody could hear. Something in that sentence made everybody cringe and send a chill down their spine, but they could not grasp what was it. Todomatsu laughed, trying to lighten the mood.

“Well I think is awesome that you put so much work into something. Maybe some day we can work together. Don’t you think, Yuki-san? You, making beautiful clothes and I, the great and lovely Todomatsu, using them to make people less ugly and miserable.”

“That sounds…. Nice” He did not sound like he actually thought it was nice. “I want to have my own brand some day. And a store. I want to make clothes that make people feel beautiful when they wear them, that makes them feel they will have a nice day every time they put those clothes on. You know? Cute clothes, in all sizes… I started doing this because I liked it, see? It was a hobby that, somehow, grew on me.” Yuki paused, sending the design to his friend, who gave him the okay before saving it and starting a new one. “But every pattern I made, every fabric I cutted and gave form to made me feel… Different. Like I just wanted to get out of bed and start sewing, it made the hours pass in just minutes, it made all the effort completely worth it. It made me feel like I had a purpose, that I could do something that made me happy and it could give happiness to others too. It’s difficult to explain…”

Osomatsu rolled his eyes, unable to understand it at all. It was impossible that something that was so complicated could give anyone happiness. But, on the other hand, Todomatsu nodded.

“Yeah… I felt that when I started helping Karamatsu-niisan choose his clothes. I thought that I was probably just… I don’t know, boasting of my skills? I mean, just because I have a good taste for clothes that doesn’t mean I can make a living out of it.  But as soon as I started school and put it into practice… You don’t even care about the time anymore. It is so odd! I’ve never felt that before!”

Their guest laughed, still with his face straight at the screen.

“That’s how you know you like something. It does not feel like work. Well, most of the time, cuz the essays and all that crap does feel like work but… I like to think of them as stepping stones to my goal. Todomatsu, if you have found something that makes you feel like that, hold on to it, okay? Even if people tell you it is weird. I’d rather bust my ass for something that I like that spend the rest of my life working in something I hate just to maintain my existence”

For a second, Todomatsu was taken back. Osomatsu could see the engines of his head moving, twitching, making little noises until something seemed to happen inside of his pinkish brains and his eyes started to shine too.

“Y-yeah… Yes, you are right! I’ll devote my life to make all that ugly people beautiful so they can live better lives!”

“If that’s what you like, go ahead.”

Jyuushimatsu squirmed a little bit, climbing over his guest’s back until he had his chin over Yuki’s shoulder.

“I wonder if I will find that”

Osomatsu opened his mouth… And closed it. He could not say a thing, not when he was imagining his brothers getting a career that they loved and then leaving him for good. An older brother would rest his hand on top of Jyuushi’s head and reassure him, but he was not able to. Even if his hand was trembling, even if he wanted to do that, even if he really wanted his brothers to be happy, his body did not move at all. Because if he did that then one day his brother’s eyes would sparkle and shine too, completely focused on something that gives them joy, and then they would leave.

What about him, then? Osomatsu did not dared to even think about it. He did his best, he tried to force the sounds from his mouth to be a good older brother. But it was not his hand the one who patted Jyuushi’s head and, certainly, it was not his voice the one who filled the room.

“Of course you will, Jyuushi. You just have to take your time and search. Maybe you already have it and you don’t know it.”

“You really think so, Yuki?”

“Totally.”

And there it was. Everybody’s eyes had a new shine all while Osomatsu’s heart crashed.

Karamatsu made dinner. He cooked meat, vegetables, omelette rolls and some rice, they all ate together, as their parents called and said that they would not be able to come back due to the storm. Dinner went well, as everybody talked about a variety of stuff and they even cracked up a few jokes to the expense of Choromatsu. Everybody chatted, laughed, some of them even screamed a little bit but, in the end, the night went well.

The only problem was Yuki. Karamatsu decided to prepare the sofa for him and he was looking for some clothes to lend to his friend, when Yuki made a weird sound and left the room in a hurry. He barely had enough time to see him disappearing with his leather bag in his hands… And then he received a message. It was from  Yuki.

_“Sorry, Karamatsu. Had to take out the binder.”_

_“It’s alright. You should have told me sooner to get you some clothes, so you wouldn’t had to put up with it. Are you hurt? Do you need help?”_

_“It hurts a little, but I am fine. I am changing. Should I use some bandages to cover my girls? I have the feeling that your brothers will make a scene if they found out like this”_

He had no choice but to sigh out of frustration. His brothers would probably cause a mayhem if they found out Yuki’s gender.

_“You have to be comfortable. If they realize and make a fuss, I’ll take care of them. Don’t worry, they are not that bad. They’ll probably ask a lot of awkward questions”_

_“Ugh… Let’s avoid those for now. Not in the mood to explain and/or justify my own existence and the way I perceive myself tonight”_

_“I understand, Yuki”_

He was grabbing some of his hoodies, trying to figure out which one would be better for Yuki to wear, when his phone rang again. Arching one of his brows, Karamatsu looked at his phone screen.

_“Your younger brother is here. Gave me clothes. He’s a sweety”_

Karamatsu’s heart pounded faster and left everything he was doing to go and check what the heck was going on. He went straight to the bathroom only to see Jyuushimatsu hugging Yuki like he always did, pressing his face against their guest’s body, before letting go. Yuki was already wearing one of Jyuushimatsu’s hoodies. It was old, so it was kind of loose but still thick enough to warm Yuki’s body and avoid being discovered. Karamatsu stood there, watching them smile at each other.

“Thanks, Jyuushi. But, please, ask me before hugging me.”

“Oh! I did not ask?” Jyuushi asked, tilting his head in confusion at the same time that his new Italian friend nodded. “Is that bad?”

“Sometimes it makes me feel bad. And sometimes I don’t react in a good way when people touch me without a warning and I don’t want to do that, so…”

Jyuushimatsu nodded, understanding. After all, he knew that Karamatsu’s friend was in reality that person who ended up on the streets after being disowned by his family. Jyuushi had an idea of the kind of things that Yuki must’ve lived through and that it was probably those things that made him wary about physical contact.  And even if that person had a life as normal as his, it was not right to invade people’s personal space if that made them feel uncomfortable.

“It’s okay! Sorry that I did not ask, I was so excited that I forgot! Can you forgive me?”

Yuki’s cheeks became red and Jyuushi laughed a little bit. Karamatsu smiled, hiding from their sight while spying on them. His brother and his friend were kind of cute when they were together, to the point that he could almost see them surrounded by a lovely, pink and shiny aura.

“Wha…? Of course, Jyuushimatsu. You didn’t do it on purpose. Sorry if I made you feel bad about it”

“No, no” he shook his head, smiling brightly. “I understand, Ichimatsu is like that too so don’t worry. I hope you like my hoodie! Is old, but it's warm and comfortable”

“Yes, I love it! And the sleeves are sooo looooong” Yuki said, flapping the tremendously long sleeves that were Jyuushimatsu’s trademark, making the young Matsuno laugh and flap his own sleeves too.

“Yay! So, so, Yuki-san. Can I hug you again?”

Yuki barely had time to nod before Jyuushi hugged him tightly, burying his face on Yuki’s chest. Karamatsu looked at them, his mouth wide open in surprise, so shocked and embarrassed that he forgot about hiding and ran straight to his brother. He was planning on separating them, afraid, that Jyuushimatsu could “feel” something odd with Yuki’s body but his brother let go before he was even close to those two and left, mumbling a song in the process. Karamatsu watched as Jyuushi left, completely weirded out.

“Hey, Kara.” Yuki was trying to fix the sleeves with no success. Karamatsu took one of his arms and helped without even asking. “Your brother is smarter than he looks.”

“You think so? We sometimes feel he is a little… Dumb”

Yuki shook his head. When one of his sleeves was fixed, he handed the other to Karamatsu. He began to work in a second.

“Trust me, he’s not. Anyway, he gave me this hoodie and a pair of shorts. He said there were his, but he’s not using them anymore. How do I look?”

He inspected his friend’s new apparel, nodding in approval. Yuki looked like a cuter version of his brother but with better legs. Long, firm and shaped legs.

“Damn”

“What?”

“I’ve never paid attention to your legs before. They are pretty nice.”  He blushed immediately after realizing what he said. He was just complimenting his friends legs and he could not stop looking at them, but Karamatsu was not doing it with any ill intention. They were honestly a nice pair of legs. “Dear god, that sounded so perverted. What a sinful man I am, ogling at your legs like a desperate buffoon!”

But Yuki just laughed at him. He was there, feeling like a pervert, and his friend just laughed and patted him on his back, reassuring him that he had nothing to be worried about.

“I know my legs are amazing, don’t worry. Besides, now that we are in spring you’ll see them more often”

“But my Karamatsu boy, it was so unappropriated of me to…”

“I don’t mind. Karamatsu, as long as you don’t touch without my permission or catcall me, you can look and compliment my legs all the time. I am always complimenting your ass, right?”

“But that’s completely different, Yuki!”

“Why?”

Karamatsu opened his mouth in an attempt to answer him. But, in the end, he was unable to do so as he did not know what to say. He ended up giving up, exhaled a bunch of air and asked Yuki to follow him to the bedroom so they could prepare the couch. Karamatsu became pleasantly surprised when he entered the room only to find his brothers already preparing everything.

“Don’t even mention it” Todomatsu said, using his cute smile. “We can’t let our guest do all the hard work, right? Now, now, Yuki-san, before we go to sleep, can you tell us more about your homeland?”

Both friends looked at each other, smiled and went with the rest of the sextuplets to sit over the futon and exchange stories. They made fun of each other, Jyuushi and Ichi even wrestled while Totty and Yuki made bets on who would win. Then they listened to Nyaa-chan’s CD only to piss off Choromatsu, but he almost died when Yuki recognized Nyaa-chan and made a distorted face.

“You like her? God, she’s so annoying”

“Don’t talk like that about Nyaa-chan! She’s cute and adorable! And her songs are…”

Yuki played with the CD case, not paying attention.

“Dull, fake, with no lyrics whatsoever. Written by somebody else. She’s actually a spoiled brat. And… I’ve seen her, this pictures of her are photoshopped. Her waist is not that thin and her breasts are not that big”

Choromatsu’s face went blank. Jyuushi laughed loudly, as always, flinging himself forward to grab the CD case.

“Ohhhh, it sounds like you met her!”

“I did. We made a photoshoot for one of her Limited Edition CD’s. I can’t remember which one, though. Worst day at work I ever had”

Choromatsu screamed, making a high pitch noise that almost made everybody's ears bleed. He contorted his body, still screaming, crawled all over the floor while complaining that it was not fair that somebody who did not loved Nyaa-chan as much as him had the chance to see her in person. The noise was so strong that it was insufferable,so Jyuushimatsu put his older brother in an octopus hold at the same time that Todomatsu covered his mouth with something so he would stop screeching like that. In the end, everybody went to sleep in their usual spot on the futon and Yuki occupied the sofa, provisioned with some blankets and an extra pillow. After they all wished a good night of sleep to the rest, the lights went off and silence reigned in the Matsuno household, only interrupted by the soothing sound of rain falling on the roof. Every now and then, the room became illuminated by a sudden lightning but that did not bother their sleep, as five pairs of eyes were completely closed, their owners completely asleep in their beds.

Only one person was awake. He was unable to close his eyes, so he was using them to pierce the cause of his insomnia. There it was, lying on the couch, soundly asleep. That person had the nerve to be sleeping in his house, in his room, after crushing everything he knew like a hurricane. It was almost unbearable.

If that person did not exist, if he had never met Karamatsu, then everything would’ve been like always. His brothers would be the same NEETS that they always were, they would not try to change and fit into society like all those idiots out there.

He should be happy that Karamatsu had a friend that made him smile, a place where he finally felt welcome. It was normal that he wanted to meet new people and spend less time at home. No matter how much they tried to be nice to Karamatsu, no matter how much they told him that they were supportive, the truth was that it was their fault that Karamatsu’s mind broke and now he had trouble sleeping. Their relationship would never, ever be the same. Old times would never come back. Osomatsu knew it, though he did not want to think about it.

Even if Karamatsu forgave them someday, things would never be like before. Too much had been said and done. As a result, Karamatsu was trying to get away from them little by little with the excuse of “finding himself”. Maybe the others were not able to see it, but Osomatsu noticed the little hints. Karamatsu was spending more time alone or with other people every day, he had secrets, he had places in which his brothers were not allowed to go, he had a new life going on outside the house and completely separated from his brothers. And, as a result, the rest were going to start to do the same because now there was no possibility that they could be together forever.

Falling like dominoes, every one of his brothers were going to imítate Karamatsu. They were going to leave, to find jobs and probably a partner. No apology was going to convince Karamatsu to stay and, without him, the gang was incomplete so there was no point in staying. Besides, Osomatsu knew his brothers enough to know that they would not be able to tolerate  it if Karamatsu became fully independent before them.

Osomatsu growled, leaving the warm comfort of his futon. He was angry. If he had been a better brother, none of that would’ve happened. Maybe if he had stopped the bullying… If he had not started it either, convincing his gullible brother to act like a painful idiot. Maybe if he also got mad at the others for mistreating Karamatsu, for making fun of his disgraces and bad luck, instead of just comforting his younger brother whenever he cried. Karamatsu didn’t need him to comfort him, he needed his older brother to help him. But he never did and now he had someone new to do that instead of him.

Just thinking about it made him feel useless. And angry, but mostly useless. He was not the one who helped Karamatsu, he was not the one who made him smile again and made him regain his self worth. He was not the one who helped him to get a job. Yes, he was the one who told Karamatsu to be himself but, what was the point of telling him that when he allowed the rest to keep pushing his buttons ‘till he exploded? Osomatsu walked slowly, getting away from the room. He walked down the stairs, slowly, making sure that his feet didn’t made any noise while he was going to the living room.

_“It has to be there. If I look carefully, maybe”_

He had to find something, anything that proved to the rest that Yuki was in reality a wolf in sheep’s clothing. He was nice, too nice. He was fun and polite and he seemed to be a good person but last time he met someone who was too nice and too good it did not end well. The memory was still fresh in his mind, Osomatsu was trembling just by remembering that guy’s suit, his hands grabbing his clothes firmly at the same time he was handling a knife with the other. Yuki was hiding something, he was sure of it. That’s why he was there in the living room, searching inside Karamatsu’s friend’s bag. He had to be quick, before somebody noticed he was not in bed.

There was nothing that could be use as proof. The laptop was connected to its charger and it had a password, so he could not access it. The bag only had some sweets, a pencil case, a sketchbook, a bottle of cologne, a traveling toothbrush, Yuki’s wallet, some airclips.

_“What the…?”_

He found something strange. It looked like a sports bra for women, but it was more firm, like a corset. Osomatsu played with it, wondering what was that thing. Maybe it was like one of those shapers that people used when they exercised to get thinner. In his opinion, the guy needed it. He had nice legs, but he was too thick to get a girlfriend.

_“Maybe he is chubby and uses this to hide it”_

Chubby or not, that thing was useless to him so he left it where he found it. He was putting it deep inside the bag, when Osomatsu felt something too hard on it. With only the lights of the streets and the occasional lighting illuminating the room, he searched a little bit more, wondering what the heck did he just touched. It was a difficult task without taking all the other stuff inside that bag, but doing that would complícate everything if one of his brothers found him.

So he searched and searched, until he found a zipper to a secret pocket. Osomatsu opened it, put his hand inside and felt something hard and weird inside of the pocket. Curious, he pulled it out. And his stomach felt weak as soon as he saw what he had in his hand.

It was a mitten knife.

A heavy mitten knife, probably made of stainless steel. The handle was made of resine, or so he thought, as it was shiny and cold. It was transparent and, inside of it, it could be seen the design of a green and golden dragon. The mitten part was kind of heavy and had spikes on it, but they looked worn out. There was a small red lever in its base, right beside a snap button. Osomatsu moved the safety lever, his hands trembling, and made sure to grab the mitten properly when he pushed the button. With a fierce, cutting sound, the knife came out of the mitten. It was a Sharp knife, straight at the beginning with a sudden bend forward. It reminded him of a claw. A tiger claw, Sharp and deadly. Only the knife was almost as large as half of his hand, probably ten centimeters.

Osomatsu gulped. He had a sudden flashback of his childhood, a memory in which a large man threatened at knife point. Angry eyes, rash voice, pointy teeth. His knees felt weak, his own stomach twisted inside of him to the point that he had to rest his body over the sofa’s side. With trembling hands, he left the knife where he found it, trying his best to recover his normal heartbeat though it was difficult. He was barely breathing, the memories shaking him to the point that he felt a cold chill down his spine.

A sudden noise at his back made him squeal.

“Niisan?”

Jyushimatsu was there, rubbing his eyes half-asleep. Osomatsu took a deep breath and got up, going towards him.

“Geez, Jyuushi. You scared the crap outta me! C’mon, let's go back to the room”

“What are you doing here…?” he asked, yawning. Osomatsu just smiled.

“Ah, I could not sleep. But I am kinda tired now. We should go back”

“Mmmhkay…”

Grabbing his young brother’s hand, Osomatsu went back to the room. He made sure Jyuushimatsu fell asleep again, before getting comfortable in his side of the futon. By the corner of his eyes, he looked at Yuki, who was sleeping soundly in exactly the same position as before.

_“I got you now, bitch. You are going down”_

 

The house smelled good. There was a sweet smell invading it, a mixture of vanilla and butter. It was too early for them to wake up but, in the end, the delicious smell made Osomatsu and the rest get up. They looked at each other in confusion, realizing that neither Yuki or Karamatsu were sleeping. Then ran down the stairs still with only their pajamas on, bursting into the living room like an avalanche only to be greeted by Karamatsu, who was drinking coffee and reading the newspaper, and Yuki who was wearing an apron and had a plate filled with with hotcakes.

Hot, steamy hotcakes covered with honey.

“Wooooh!” Jyuushi jumped of happiness, sitting right beside Karamatsu. “Good morning, Niisan. Good morning Yuki!”

“Good morning” both friends answered, Yuki already serving the hotcakes.

The rest, a little shaken by the vision of somebody else making breakfast for them, sat down too but a little slower. Todomatsu took out his cellphone from one of his pj’s pockets, taking a picture of his plate.

“Wow, this looks so yummy! What’s the occasion? Did you made these, niisan?”

Karamatsu laughed.

“I tried, but I burned them. Yuki thought it would be nice to make breakfast for everybody and since we always get up early…”

“Sorry if we woke you up” Yuki said, already flipping a new hotcake in the pan. “I thought I would be gone by the time you woke up, but I wanted to give you something as thanks for your hospitality. I can’t make japanese breakfast, but I hope you find this good enough.”

Ichimatsu took a bite of his pancakes. There was also fruit cut in pieces in the center of the table and tea for everybody. The hotcakes were fluffy, with a sweet flavour. The vanilla mixed with the honey in such a good way that he could feel the sugar rush already pumping in his veins.

“Ohhhh, this is good”

Choromatsu looked at his brothers eating with pleasure. Totty was almost melting, Jyuushi was swallowing without chewing and even Osomatsu was eating his breakfast with a complacent expression, so he ended up doing the same. It wasn’t their typical breakfast, but as soon the fluffy sweetness invaded his mouth he could not help but smile like a fool.

“Yes, this is pretty good. But you shouldn’t have, Yuki-san. We didn’t do anything special, we couldn’t just let you wandering in the streets with that rain.”

“Ahhh, here it is.” Osomatsu grinned, scratching under his nose.  “The righteous virgin already acting like he doesn’t deserve breakfast.”

“Shut up, you worthless eldest!”

“What, you wanna fight?”

“I could kick your butt here and now!”

Karamatsu rolled his eyes and drank his coffee. His brothers would never change. He was almost giving up on the idea of them maturing, but he shook his head and decided to keep believing in them. Sooner or later, the real world was going to call them and they would answer its call. Meanwhile, it was nice just having a normal and noisy breakfast like when they were kids.

“Sorry for this, my beloved friend”

“I don’t mind, it’s fun. I always have breakfast alone, unless Mikuru-nee invites me to her apartment, so this is a nice change” Yuki made a new batch of hotcakes, serving them in one plate. “Here you have, I hope you all like it”

Ichimatsu lifted his head, his mouth full of hot cake and fruit.

“You are not going to eat?”

“Kara and I already had breakfast. I have to leave in five minutes if I want to get to work on time”

Totty and Osomatsu laughed and snickered, whispering things to each other. Karamatsu lifted his eyebrows at them, not understanding the motive of all that laughter until Totty stuck out his tongue.

“Kara, Kara. My, my, you two are actually pretty close, huh? Are you sure you are not a couple?”

Karamatsu’s cheeks became as red as the strawberries that his brothers were eating.

“What?! Ah… I… D-dear brother, that is not true! Even though I cherish Yuki as I cherish all of my Karamatsu boys and girls, it is not possible that we can be in that kind of relationship.”

Yuki lifted one of his eyebrows, walked towards Karamatsu and hugged him from behind.

“Really? That’s not what you said when I fucked you last week”

Karamatsu squeaked at the same time that all of his brothers lifted their heads to look at them. He was so embarrassed that there was smoke coming out of his ears and the fact that his twins were staring at them completely surprised just made it worse. Totty started giggling, covering his face with his forearm and with him the rest started to laugh too, little by little.

“Karamatsu, you shouldn’t hide your partner like that. He’ll break up with you!.” Choromatsu said, getting even from all the jokes Karamatsu pulled on him the night before.

“T-that’s not true!! Brothers, I would never…”

“Ohhhh, Karachuu” Yuki pretending to faint helplessly over him. “You are so cruel, forgetting about our passionate night together!”

“What passionate night?! The only thing we do is watch anime and eat ramen!”

“Really?”

“Yes! You were there, Yuki!”

“Ohhh.” Yuki tilted his head, still hugging Karamatsu. The rest were laughing their asses off at the situation. “Don’t worry,  we can fix that right now”

“ _Oh my god._ ” He shrieked and only for that, he received a smack at the back of his head.

“I’ve told you already that’s not the way you pronounce it. It’s ‘ _ou mai gaad’._ ” Yuki said, looking at him with a serious face before grinning. “And don’t worry about it. Gimme two shots of tequila and five minutes, I’ll convince you.”

“YU!!”

Laughter filled the kitchen. Yuki hugged him again, playing with his head even though he was embarrassed.

“Oh god, not messing with you it’s impossible, Karamatsu. Well, even though I’d like to stay, I have to go to work so… Thanks for having me.” Yuki separated from his friend and bowed at the sextuplets. “Jyuushi, thanks for lending me some of your clothes. I’ll bring them back next time, okay? I want to wash them properly.”

“You can keep them if you want.”

“If… If you say so… Well, I’ll go grab my stuff. Thanks for everything.”

The rest gave him their farewells, still having their breakfast. Karamatsu got up too, searching for his jacket. He saw Osomatsu’s inquisitive eyes, but he answered with a smile.

“I’ll walk Yuki to the bus stop. Besides, I have to work-out so I kill two birds with a single shot. Enjoy your breakfast”

“Sure. We… We have to talk later, okay? Don’t forget, Karamatsu.”

“I won’t. See you later.”  
Before leaving, Yuki said something about changing clothes because he was still wearing Jyuushimatsu’s old hoodie. The family kept talking at the table, complementing the delicious hotcakes and saying how fun was the night before a song mixed with a vibration interrupted the conversation. Choromatsu looked down and realized that there was a cellphone on the table. It was not his and certainly it was not from any of his brothers, as they all shared the same model with the only difference being the case colour. This one was black, and none of them had a black cell phone. And it looked very expensive.

“This must be Yuki’s phone.”  It was obvious, nobody in the Matsuno household could have such a phone. “Five messages in a row… We should give it to him now.”

“We could just wait for him and when he comes down give him the phone.” Ichimatsu did not want to walk at all. In fact, he did not want to leave his spot and risk his own hotcakes, as his brothers could try to steal them. The only one who finished his plate was Totty, who was now busy taking pictures of everybody’s plate. “Todomatsu could go and return it to its owner.”

“Huh? Why me?”

“You are not eating.” Choromatsu took the phone and gave it to his youngest brother. “Go now, it could be important. Maybe something about work! You just have to go to our room and give him his phone”

“Uuugh…”

As always, Todomatsu complained. He took the phone and went up the stairs against his will, stepping too hard and making a lot of noise just to show his discontent with the fact that he was chosen to do that bothersome task. He did it nevertheless just to get rid of it. Todomatsu walked to his room with Yuki’s cellphone still vibrating, getting one message after the other.

 _“Somebody is very popular.”_ He thought, feeling the vibrations in his hand. It was almost scary at one point, because the messages came so quickly that the little machine never stopped vibrating. Worried, he opened the door without knocking.

“Yuki-san! Your cell phone is vibrating like crazy! I thought it was something serious, so I brought it… To… You”

Yuki turned his head to him, over his shoulder. Todomatsu realized that his brother’s friend was changing and he caught him just in the middle of putting on his own shirt. Now he was there, seeing his white back, his pronounced waist with the shape of a hourglass and some cute, white straps on his upper back. He even had some kind of tattoo, but Todomatsu could not look at it, not with his eyes glued to the cotton straps on Yuki’s back. He was able to change his face and smile.

“Soooo sorry! I know I should have knocked but your phone won’t stop! Maybe it’s from your work?”

Yuki nodded, not saying a word. He just put on his shirt and took the phone, checking on it as soon as it was on his hands.

“Damn… Yes, it’s something important. Thanks for bringing it to me, I could have left it here and not realize until I was too far. Could you leave for a second, please? I’ll make a quick call and… It’s kind of prívate.”

“Sure, don’t worry. Oh, Karamatsu is waiting for you at the front door. Thanks again for the hotcakes, they were superb.” Todomatsu giggled, made a cute little wink and left the room. He kept smiling when he went down the stairs and went back to the living room with the rest, sitting in his previous spot. He smiled while playing with his phone, kept smiling when Yuki came to say his goodbyes, smiled when Karamatsu and him left the house for good.

Then, and only then, he let his own cell phone slip from his fingers and threw himself over the table, hitting his head on it one time after the other.

“Oh my god!” he screamed, making his brothers jolt in surprise. “Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!”

“Oh dear gods, it’s finally happening!” Choromatsu got up. “Totty finally succumbed to madness! I’ll call an ambulance. Ichi, you call a priest! Just in case.”

“No!” Todomatsu straightened himself and took a very, very long and deep breath in order to calm down. “It’s… It is something else. I went upstairs to give Yuki-san his phone and then… then… I saw…”

Todomatsu covered his face with both of his hands. Choromatsu sat down again, squinting his eyes to his brother like he was trying to see if Todomatsu was actually sane, acting or exaggerating like last time. Ichimatsu was holding an amulet, just in case, and Osomatsu was checking Totty’s temperature with his hands to make sure he did not have a fever.

“Yuki is so nice!” Jyuushimatsu was in his own world, playing with his strawberries. “He made breakfast for us.”

“No! I mean, yes.” Todomatsu grabbed a glass of water and took a sip of it. “I went to our room and opened without knocking. I forgot to knock. Yuki was there… He… He was changing clothes.”

“Yes…?” Choromatsu frowned, trying to understand. “What’s wrong with that?”

“I… I saw his back. He has a very nice back, you know? With… With a nice waist… And… It had… Oh, damn, I should just say it already. He was wearing a bra!”

Silence filled the room. Ichimatsu, Osomatsu and Choromatsu were looking at his younger brother with their faces contorted in a mixture of disbelief and a little of disgust. Osomatsu started laughing, an awkward laugh that barely left from his lips.

“A-are you sure, Totty? Does… Does this means that he is a crossdresser?”

“I am sure! And… No… When he turned… I was able to see that he had some bumps on his chest. It was only for a moment, but I am pretty sure that those were breasts. Besides, his back… It’s not a guy's back. It’s different”

“So you are implying that this Yuki guy, our brother’s best friend is….?”

Jyushimatsu laughed hysterically, eating all of his fruits in one go.

“Yesh!” he smiled with his mouth full of fruit, swallowing them with little effort. “Yuki has boobies! Isn’t it great?”

Choromatsu’s mouth became a giant O as he tried his best not to scream at his little brother.

“What?! You knew?!”

“Yes, it was obvious! Why? You didn’t?” he covered his mouth with his hands, playing a little with his sleeves. “He does not look like a boy at all! How come you didn’t know?”

Osomatsu felt his rage getting bigger. That asshole had the nerve to go into his house and lie to everybody. He did not know what was worse: realizing he slept next to a girl the whole night without knowing it or thinking that probably Karamatsu didn’t know either and she was making fun of him.

“You… You knew and didn’t say a thing?!” He could not help but snap at his brother, but Jyuushi kept smiling like he always did. “Why? We are brothers, we are supposed to share this kind of stuff.”

The yellow Matsuno tilted his head.

“But Yuki is not our brother, I could not reveal his secret. He presented himself as a guy and he wanted to be treated as a guy, so that’s what I did. If I treated him like a girl when he does not feel like a girl, I would’ve hurt his feelings.”

That was a good answer. They could not get mad at Jyuushimatsu, not when he actually did the right thing. Ichimatsu let out a sigh and smiled at his brother, petting his head a little bit.

“You are right, Jyuushi.” the yellow one smiled too and Choromatsu crossed his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, he is. We should just pretend that this did not happened… Maybe Yuki is transexual or something like that and he does not have to tell us about it. We are not his friends, Karamatsu is. So if he comes back, we just treating him like a guy.”

“But….” Osomatsu could not believe his own ears. “But guys! The boobs! Are you forgetting about the boobs?”

Now calmed down, Totty grabbed his phone again and rolled his eyes at his eldest’s words.

“Ugh, it’s always about boobs with you. It doesn’t matter if he has them, niisan. He wants to be treated like a boy, so forget about the boobs.”

“But… Maybe we could…”

“Forget it already” Ichimatsu got up and Jyuushimatsu followed him. “He’s a guy. He does not want to have boobs. If you even mention them, you’ll make him feel like trash. I think we have enough trash already, no need to add more.”

Choromatsu nodded, feeling proud of his brothers. He expected them to be all flustered and in full perverted mode but, instead, they were understanding about Yuki’s complicated situation. Knowing that his brothers could be mature enough to understand what Karamatsu’s friend was going trough gave him hope that, maybe some day, his brothers could actually become nice, decent human beings. Todomatsu decided to go change and leave with some of his friends, Ichimatsu wanted to see the cats and Jyuushimatsu went with him for moral support. Choromatsu, on the other hand, decided he was going to study again for his driver tests.

“Let it go, Osomatsu. Why don’t you go to the horse races?”

And he was left  alone in the kitchen, wondering when the heck his brothers developed the sense of morals and respect. Things were changing faster than he thought. He had to act soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. Life is hitting me like a breaking ball =_= But I am now working on the next chapter so I hope I can upload faster than before ;P
> 
> I want to add songs and music to the fic, but I am not sure... Should I write the lyrics right into the fic or leave you the links of the songs so you can play them while reading... or both? Tell me what you prefer and I'll do it n.n
> 
> Byebye!


	13. This is war

The room was filled with roses. Beautiful white and blue roses, growing from cute little pots and going to the walls, the door and the ceiling. Karamatsu looked at the roses that were opening up and shining brightly as soon as he came close to them. The sight was beautiful… He had never seen something so amazing before. He wanted to touch them and caress the petals, just to make sure that the roses were actually there, but he did not had the courage to do so in fear that he may damage such beautiful creations of nature.

He had always had bad luck, so he wouldn’t be surprised if something like that happened to him.

The room was silent, but it wasn’t one of those uncomfortable silences that made him feel like a monster was going to jump from a dark corner to bite him. It was calm. He liked it. Karamatsu felt welcome and secure in that place, so he just kept looking at the roses and enjoying the delicious silence from that place. He never had the chance to enjoy silence, not in a house crowded with noisy people. Wherever he went, his brothers were with him and, for some reason, they always ended up in some sort of weird situation.

Having the chance to be alone was a nice change.

Karamatsu decided to move closer, to inspect the flowers. He noticed a little blue watering can right beside one of the pots so he took it without really knowing why. He shook it to make sure if it had water on it, but instead of making the typical sound that any water can filled with liquid, it sounded like a xylophone being played. Weirded out, Karamatsu shook that thing a few more times, only to make sure, but the more he shook it the obvious it became that it made musical sounds. He was pretty sure that that was not the sound it should do… But nevertheless he decided to pour its contents in the rose pots only to see what would happen.

Coloured water came from it. The whole rainbow made of water, with a lot of sparkles, pearls and sequins, all accompanied with the beautiful sound of a xylophone. That was not what it was supposed to happen, so now he was convinced that it had to be a dream. The lovely music filled the room as he watered the plants, watching as the roses started shaking, following the sound. Little by little, the water of colour and cute things made the roses grow bigger and stronger to the point that Karamatsu was practically blind, as the leafs and branches covered the windows.

Surrounded by a big mass of flowers, Karamatsu left the watering can on the floor. The music was gone, replaced now by a chorus of laughter and the soothing sound of the leaves moving and touching each other, even if there was no wind in the room.

He felt at peace. He felt safe. Anybody would be terrified, completely surrounded by flowers that laughed and moved on their own but, for some reason, he was completely fine with it. He felt like he was home. The rose in his chest appeared and started shining brightly, like it always did, making the other flowers shine too. It was like the power of his blue rose, the one over his chest, could make all those different roses rise and shine too, like they were connected somehow.

He could make other roses shine, grow. He could make other roses become stronger, only with the power of his own rose. He could do it!

**_Stop dreaming._ **

That voice sounded out of nowhere. Karamatsu felt his heart sink as the fear invaded him again, making his resolve tremble like a leaf under the strength of the wind. He tried to convince himself that he had to stay strong, that he could do it. With some music and his rose, he was capable to do a lot of things. He believed in himself.

**_No you don’t._ **

**_Stop lying to yourself._ **

**_You don’t believe in anything._ **

He believed, he could do it. He was sure. He could make things better, he could help others.

**_How can you believe in yourself..._ **

He **could** do it.

**_When nobody believes in you?_ **

He screamed in an attempt to make the voices go away, but they just laughed at his effort. Before he could do anything, flames were devouring everything. The room, the roses, the floor under his feet. Everything was burning. One of the walls fell over, revealing the six shadows that tormented him every night, whispering mean things into his ears.  The flowers were burning and the shadows were there, using his brother’s faces, laughing hysterically as they opened their arms to him.

**_Come with us._ **

**_You can’t do anything right._ **

**_We are below trash._ **

**_Stay with us at the bottom._ **

**_Can’t you see how scary is out there?_ **

**_How will you manage without us? You are the worst of the sextuplets._ **

**_You will be all alone._ **

**_Uselessmatsu._ **

Karamatsu felt fear invading his very being. What was the point of trying so hard when he couldn’t do anything right? He had no talent or skills, he had no idea what he was doing with his own life or how to be a proper person. How could he even believe that he would be able to leave his NEEThood? A useless person like him had no purpose on this world. As the flames were consuming everything that made him feel secure, he walked towards the open arms of his brothers, the only ones who truly loved him and understand him. The one with the red hoodie made a step forward, smiling widely at him.

**_We can be all together at the bottom._ **

**_You don’t have to change._ **

That was for the best. His brothers could support him. They could be all together.

**_Things don’t have to change._ **

His roses were burning, what was the point anyway?

**_All of that is too much work. Now everything can be like before._ **

_ “Like before…?” _

Karamatsu stopped, suddenly remembering the reason why he started to change and why he wanted to leave. He remembered the beatings, the bullying. Karamatsu trembled, remembering all those times that he laughed and drank beer with his brothers when, inside, he felt empty and dead. He remembered the times that he went to walk under the rain so he could cry without being noticed. The memory of himself standing at the top of a bridge, wondering how long would it take to fall down and if it would actually hurt, made him see. It cleared his mind even though those memories brought a lot of pain with them.

He did not want to stay at the bottom and let things go back as they used to be, not anymore.

His brother’s shadows were still there, waiting with his arms open. But now he knew that those people there were not his real brothers. They could be mean bastards, selfish pricks and odd perverts, but his brothers now supported him with his dreams. They said that they loved him, they would not want him to go back to the bottom.

Swallowing hard, Karamatsu looked back. Between the horrifying mess that was left of the poor roses, almost every pot broke due the heat, the plants were still burning and some of them fell apart, transforming in dark shrivelled things completely covered in fire. In that mess, still haunted by his brother’s shadows laughter, he was able to see a little ray of hope.

Growing from a broken pot, still surrounded by fire, there was a little rose. It was small, petite, so little that it was hard to see. Half white, half blue, the rose stood proudly in the middle of all that chaos, still shining despite the fire.

_ You can do it. _

_ Niisan is still niisan. _

_ We want you to be happy. _

_ Always be great. _

_ You shine when you sing. _

_ Blue! _

Before he knew what he was doing, Karamatsu turned on his heels and ran towards the flower. He could do it, he could still save it. It might time time and work, it would probably be difficult and it was not going to be an easy task. But he could do it. He had to try. That’s why he ran towards the flower, that’s why he fell on his knees in front of it, to protect it, that’s why he smiled when the rose in his chest and the little rose on the broken pot started shining again.

The fire was surrounding him. The voices became louder.

 

Choromatsu sighed. He was so tired… It was already nine in the morning and he couldn’t stand being at home, so he decided to take a stroll at the center. It was a good chance to buy some stuff he needed, so he tried to be positive about it, but he couldn’t stop yawning. That morning Karamatsu woke up even the dead with one of those screams of his… He had an attack, again, and they had to watch his brother squirming and screaming until he was totally awake. But it did not end there. Karamatsu closed himself in the bathroom, barfing, and refused to have breakfast. He did not want to see any of his brothers to the point that even Jyuushimatsu was banned from their bedroom.  His older brother isolated himself in their room after making a little nest for himself in the futon.

Choromatsu looked at his phone. Totty sent some messages to him, worried  because Karamatsu refused to eat. He had been fine the last few weeks, so they almost forgot about the fact that their brother was still sick. What Karamatsu had was not like the flu or a fever, it was something deep and it was so rooted in him that it was not going to leave soon.

It would probably never leave.

_ “Maybe the others don’t fully understand…” _ He thought, walking down the street. He was looking for a particular shop as he needed something special.  _ “They can’t see that Karamatsu is leaving us.” _

It was obvious for him. Karamatsu had a job now, even if it was temporary. He had a new circle of people, he had new hobbies and places where he loved to go. And they had been mean to him for too long. Even if they apologized two thousand times and Karamatsu forgave them, Choromatsu knew for sure that their relationship could never be the same as when they were kids. He was going to leave, so he could live his own life.

Choromatsu honestly believed that moving out was the best for him. Karamatsu needed to be away from them. After all, nothing guaranteed that they would not mess with his head again.

_ “Karamatsu is too kind. And gullible. It’s easy messing with him” _

It had always been. Even for him. He was never into bullying Karamatsu, at least not too much. But he did ignore him. Sometimes he did not speak to him, he did not answer when Karamatsu called him and, of course, he did nothing when the bullying became too much. It was odd as he could not grasp why he did that… He liked Karamatsu, he was his older brother. He was always there if anybody needed him. Karamatsu could be a little painful and say a lot of nonsense, but he was never a bad brother. Choromatsu even offered to take care of him if he was unable to get a job and become a member of society.

So he could not understand why he took part in all that bullying.

If he thought about it, Choromatsu could only come to the conclusion that it became so normal to them that they did not even question it. With another loud sigh, he decided to stop thinking about it. The only thing they could do now was try to support and help his older brother until he became better, so now he concentrated on finding the store he was looking for.

After three blocks, he found it: The beauty products store. There were only girls inside, so he was nervous to go in. How he could explain that he needed something from there without looking like a pervert, that was the question. He was trembling of fear, as he made one step after the other in order to get inside the store while thinking of ten different explanations about what he needed to buy. As soon as he got inside, the shop clerks looked at him and made a disgusted face, like he was the biggest degenerated in the world history. Choromatsu swallowed hard and tried his best to  stop trembling, walking shakily towards one of the clerks.

“Uh… E-excuse me, miss… Can you…?”

The lady made a disgruntled sound and left. It looked like getting what he needed had become a more difficult task than he had thought it would be. He tried to ask help from the ladies, but they just sneered at him, so Choromatsu gave up and got closer to the makeup aisle by himself. He was angry, of course. Those women had no right to treat him like that and ignoring him, when he was just trying to ask them for a little help.

_ “I just wanted to ask them something…” _

He opened his eyes as wide as he could when the sudden realization hit him like a wrecking ball. He was being ignored and people glared at him like he was disgusting. They didn’t even made the effort to listen to him. It reminded him of how they used to be with his older brother.

_ “Is this how he felt? Like he was a pain for everybody and nobody cared to listen to him? This… This does feel horrible. But it will end as soon as I leave the store” _

Karamatsu put up with it for years without complaining. A rash of guilt travelled through his body, making his chest hurt for a little while.  Now he felt bad but he shook that feeling off for now, as he had a mission to complete. He needed make up, a lot of make up. He barely knew how to use it or how to even choose it, but he needed it for his new work. After meeting those okamas in Alterna, Choromatsu gave a deep thought at their offer of working with them. At first he was against it… There was not enough money in the entire world to make him dress like a lady, or so he thought.

But the reality was that he was curious too, so after considering pros and cons, he decided to give it a shot only for one night, just to get it out of his system. To satisfy his curiosity. So he took a dress from his brother’s stuff, the heels, the wig and put on some lipstick on. What he thought would be a terrible night ended up being amazing. He believed that the place would be horrible, the clients would be disgusting perverts and he was going to be surrounded of ugly guys dressed in skimpy skirts; but it was the opposite. The bar was extremely expensive and elegant to the point that he felt like he was a businessman in a five star restaurant or something like that, the other okamas were beautiful and they dressed in lovely outfits.

And the clients… The clients seemed to be important people, just like his new boss told him. Men and women from all ages, with tons of money and credit cards, who were kind of lonely and loved to spend their nights talking to young, lovely “ladies” like himself. Choromatsu only had to pretend to be a spoiled lady and talk, smile and ask for the most expensive drinks. He had to dance if the client asked him nicely, some of the others even sang on a stage right in the middle of the bar.

What he thought would be a terrible experience ended up being a great night. He felt relieved and free. In that place he did not have to be the “straight man” or the “righteous virgin”. He could be a lovely and flirty lady, who loved to drink champagne and receive cute little gifts. He could dance and swirl, he could listen to other people singing and he did not have to care about his brothers or worry about his future.  So he decided to work at the okama bar. But now he needed make up and he did not know how to start.

_ “Should I buy anything? But there are so many brands and they all have a different Price. What’s the difference between pink pearl and pink lemonade? Why the hell does a lipstick has that name?!” _

He was getting nervous already.

“Do you need any help?”

Finally, someone came to save him. He turned around, almost crying, and there was a cute girl standing right before him. She was not wearing the shop clerks uniform, so she was probably a customer too. Choromatsu’s heart started racing, his face as red as half of the lipsticks in the display behind him. There was a cute girl looking at him, talking to him and he did not know what to do. He felt ridiculous in that store, even his clothes made him feel like a nerd as he was wearing his typical trousers and shirt when he was now in front of a lovely girl who looked like a model. She was tall and maybe a little too thick for a Japanese girl, but she was sure pretty. And she had a nice pair of legs.

“Uh… Hum… I…”

The girl smiled at him. She had a nice smile and big, green eyes.

“Sorry, you seemed to be in need of help. Am I being bothersome?”

She had a lovely voice and a weird accent. Somehow, her accent sounded kind of familiar to him but he was not able to grasp why. Maybe she was foreigner, her face was surely not Japanese.

“N-no! I mean, yes! I mean…” he coughed, and bowed, feeling like an idiot. “I do need help and you are not bothersome. Please! Nobody wants to help me…”

The girl giggled and nodded. Her hair, tied in a bum, moved a little when she did and he could not help but smile when some yellow bangs fell at the sides of her face, curly and bouncing. It reminded him of his younger brother and how he always jumped around like he had springs in his feet.

“Yes, they are like that. They don’t seem to realize that guys can also buy make up for their girls or mothers. So, what are you looking for?”

“Girl…? Y-yes, yes! It’s for my girlfriend!” No way in hell he was going to admit it was for him. “I wanted to give her a surprise but… I am not really sure how to do this? And nobody seems to be able to help me”

He was not going to admit that the ladies despised him, either. The girl nodded, smiling, and then looked at all the make up in display. She made a little grimace with her mouth and shook her head, completely disappointed.

“No, no, this brands will not do. They are not hypoallergenic and they don’t have the ‘cruelty free’ seal. Come, these ones are better”

She made a gesture so he would follow her and he did, moving behind the girls towards the other side of the aisle. There were more make up cases there, of so many colours that Choromatsu could not even pronounce the names of some of those shades of colour and he was surely unable to tell which one was the best. He looked at the lady in front of him, who was looking intently at the different brands of make up and realized that she was probably foreign. Her face didn’t looked Japanese at all and the most noticeable hint was the fact that she was kind of thick for a Japanese girl and her body had a completely different shape than the ones he normally saw in Asian women.

Choromatsu knew that that way of thinking was a little bit racist, but it was the truth. That girl had thick and firm legs that reminded him of towers, a round butt, wide hips and a very shaped waist. For some reason, he could not help but think about his older brother’s guitar. Her chest was also a nicely shaped part of her persona, though her strong point was definitely her bottom. He had never seen anything like that in japanese women unless they were into sports like gymnastics. Japanese women were usually small and thin… He had seen enough magazines and porn to know that.

“This” the girl spoke again and Choromatsu flinched, doing his best to hide the fact that he was analyzing her body and comparing it to other women and porn actresses. Maybe he hide it well, because she only gave him a médium box with a make up case inside. “This brand is called Rolé en Rose. It’s hypoallergenic, cruelty free and has the basic colours and some extra colour. They are half matte and half brilliant. This will be good”

She gave him the box, smiling at him. She played with her hair a little bit while Choromatsu examined the box, finding the “non cruelty” seal on it and everything.

“But the pigments are not that strong” the girl said, grabbing a little white tube from one of the shelfs. “So she may have to use this to make the powder stick. She will have to put a little of this in her eyelids for the eye shadow and a bit on her lips to make the lipstick stand out”

“Oh, thank you. I am such a noob with all this stuff”

“Well, that’s normal. Men are taught not to care about makeup because it’s for girls, right? It’s normal that you don’t know anything about it”

Choromatsu blushed a little bit, but he smiled. That girl was very nice, so he could not help but feel warm when she smiled at him. She was also kind, as nobody else wanted to help him with his make up crisis. While she started to explain to him the qualities of the make up case and cream she was recommending him, he looked at her clothes. He did not knew why he was doing it, as he never really cared about what people wore… Until he realized that he was wondering if he could pull that outfit for the bar. Basil green tight shorts, with pockets and pant-cuffs, a black belt with a slim white line on top of it right on the waist and a simple black t-shirt. It looked nice, but he wondered if that kind of clothes would look good on him.

_ Maybe my legs are not that nice. And she does have a nice butt but I am kind of flat… How am I going to keep my fake breasts in place if I have no bra? I can’t even buy a bra! And her shoes… Her heels are taller than mine _

He was wondering if there was a way in which he could actually use that kind of clothes, when the girl turned around to see him.

“Oh, does she have eyeliner and eyelashes mascara? These ones are good” the girl said, showing him two little plastic tubes. “They are waterproof and last all day no matter what you are doing. She will love ‘em!”

“Oh! T-that's right, she needed those!” he had forgot about those things as his co workers normally lent him some of their make up, but it was about time he got his own stuff. Especially after last time, one of the eyelashes mascara got too icky and it became a pain to take off. “Wow, I am impressed. How do you girls take all this stuff off your faces when the day is over?”

She smiled and shrugged.

“Cotton buds, vaseline or baby oil. It’s the best thing any girl can use to take off makeup. And wash your face with glycerin soap, or else your skin becomes too oily. You can tell that to her, it’s the greatest tip ever. If my friend had never told me I would’ve spent half of my money in cleansing creams. You have no idea of how much money you can waste on those things”

“Yeah, I guess… “ he did, but he didn’t say it.

Choromatsu ended up buying everything that the girl recommended to him and, in the end, he did not spend as much as he thought he would. He was actually kind of happy about this fortuitous encounter with this unknown girl who helped him out of nowhere even when she had no obligation to do so. Not spending more money was also a nice plus. He paid for his stuff, smiling like a winner without caring at all about the cashier’s weirded out face. He had what he needed now, he had good stuff and now he did not have to borrow other people’s make up, risking getting an infection or something like that for using other people’s dirty stuff on his own body. The girl also paid for a few things for her, but he did not really pay attention to what she bought. Both of them got out of the store and Choromatsu realized they were going to walk in different directions so he coughed to get her attention and as soon the girl turned around to see him he realized that, for some reason he was not able to fully understand, the lady looked kind of familiar to him.

Something in the way she moved, in her expression. Maybe in her hair. Or her eyes. They reminded him of a cat.

“Thank you. Thank you very much!” he said, bowing in front of her as lower as he could. He would had not been able to do it in his own, he probably would have bought any brand or left the store feeling like an idiot. “You really helped me there. Thank you very much, I really didn’t know what I was doing”

“It’s alright. Everybody needs some help every now and then”

“Thank you, anyway. I…” he blushed,  fidgeting a little from embarrassment. “I don’t know how to repay you”

She laughed, dismissing everything with a movement of her hand.

“That’s not necessary, it was just makeup!”

“Yeah…” Choromatsu bowed again and then he waved his hand at her, before turning around. “Again, thank you very much!”

_ Should I ask her phone number? She is not really my type of girl… No, better leave it like this. _

he though, already leaving.

_ If she meets my brothers, all this makeup thing could slip from her lips and I don’t need that. _

“No problem. See you, Choromatsu”

He walked away, too happy  about having everything he needed and still have enough money to buy that new Nyaa-chan’s special action figure of her in a cute bath suit. He was already in the next block when he snapped out of it and realized the unknown girl knew his name. He turned on his heels so fast that he almost fell on the ground, running again to the beauty store to see if she was still there, wondering why would she knew his name. He did not remember telling her his name. Was she a stalker? Some weird psychic? Maybe one of his brothers knew about his embarrassing job and paid her to make fun of him? The possibilities were endless but he soon came to the conclusion that he was never going to know.

Because when he got to the store, the girl was nowhere to be seen.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

<<So, want to come to the cat shelter?>>

Ichimatsu moved a little bit. He was in his house, alone beside Karamatsu who kept sulking in his room. He wanted to help, but he had no idea what to say to his older brother to make him feel better. He couldn't even help himself, so he was not sure how to help him. It was odd watching Karamatsu curled up under the futon, crying like a baby. He had always been this  sweet person, always happy and with a lot of self-esteem. Or at least, that’s what Ichimatsu though. A person had to have self-esteem to love themselves the way Karamatsu did, looking at himself in the mirror and repeating like a madman some blabbering about how handsome he was.

And now, he was hiding in their room, crying.

So he was unable to help him. That’s why he was sending messages to Akihiko, as talking to him made him feel a little bit better. He was a nice guy and loved cats as much as him. He was never pressuring him to talk, and he allowed to go at his own rhythm, even when they were face to face in a cat café or feeding the cats of the alley. From all the people he met that day at Alterna, Akihiko was the one he liked best.

He was always smiling, had self-esteem. He wore cool clothes with vibrant colours and had a weird taste in music. But for some reason, Ichimatsu did not find him irritating or scary, as he did with the rest. Maybe it was because Akihiko was half foreign, so he was not always welcome wherever he went; maybe it was because of his undeniable love for cats, which was so big that he was a volunteer in a cat shelter and he was also studying to become a veterinarian. Maybe it was because Akihiko was patient with him, allowing him to keep silent when he wanted to be silent and sometimes they would just sit together without talking and he did not seem to mind.

Akihiko seemed to think that Ichimatsu was a good person and not “unburnable trash”. He also did not find him weird, as a lot of people did. Even the other guys from the shelter had trouble interacting with him but, for some reason, Akihiko did not have that trouble. And Ichimatsu found his company rather enjoyable too.

<<I don’t think the others would like that>> he answered, writing a little slower because he was tired.

<<Oh, c’mon. They won't mind. You’ll be with me and tons of cats. Besides, we have two pregnant cats here that are about to burst. It will make you feel better. I know things are shaky there>>

They were, especially with his brother like that. He did not know what to do, he could not help him. How was someone who hated himself and who hated life, going to help a person who was struggling to keep loving life? That morning, after his attack ended, Karamatsu asked him if it was true that life ended six meters before hitting the ground when a person fell from a tall building. Just thinking about it made his throat sore.

<<Yeah. I… Need to leave the house for a while. Are you up to feeding the cats?>>

<<I am studying, but you can drop here and play with my girls. We can go to the alley or the shelter when I finish>>

Akihiko called his cats “his girls”, as they were all female cats. One of them had lost one eye, and another one was kind of fat. But he liked them. Now he had the chance to flee and spend the afternoon in a quiet place, surrounded by cats, with free food and silent company. It was the coward’s way out, as he should stay and help his brother like Karamatsu always did for him.

Ichimatsu heard his brother whimpering in their room. He could not do it.

<<I’ll be there in a while>> he wrote, feeling like a shameless coward. He got up and went down the stairs, almost crashing with Todomatsu who was coming home from the convenience store. He seemed surprised to catch him at the front door, as he was not supposed to leave. He had nowhere to go and he had already fed the cats that morning.

“Oh, Ichimatsu niisan. What are you…?”

“Leaving” he said, with his dead voice. He put on his sandals and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I… Can’t do it. I can’t be here with him”

Todomatsu widened his eyes, confused. But as the words hit him he started to frown.

“He is our brother. He is feeling bad.”

Ichimatsu groaned.

“I can’t do it. It’s… What am I supposed to do?”

“What about help him? Asking him how he feels? Geez, you always say I am the dried monster but this… Ichimatsu, he needs us!”

“I can’t!” he screamed, going to the door to be able to escape. “What can I do, huh? He is there, crying. What can I say to him that makes him feel like life has any meaning? All this shit is pointless, I’ll only make things worse. God knows I haven’t killed myself because I am too lazy to do so”

Before he could even say anything, Todomatsu hit him with something hard in the back of his head. Ichimatsu turned and saw a big can of peaches rolling on the floor and his brother trembling a few steps away. He was clenching his teeth and his eyes were full of tears.

“You really are trash. I don’t know why he believes in you”

Ichimatsu knew that he deserved that. But that didn’t stop him from showing a smug smile, looking straight at his youngest brother.

“Yeah. Like you are not also responsible for this, huh?”

His brother screamed so high that he had to run if only to keep his ears as they were. Todomatsu’s banshee screech was heard even four blocks away, but Ichimatsu paid no attention to it and kept running. There was nothing that trash like him could do to help Karamatsu and, if he had to be honest, he did not have the right to do anything. Only an hypocrite would try and fix what he broke for years nonstop.

_ It’s better this way. _ He thought, walking in the direction of Akihiko’s house.  _ We have to fix it on our own. Fix ourselves on our own. _

In the house, Todomatsu was still panting and bad mouthing Ichimatsu under his breath. He was not able to understand how could Ichimatsu leave in a situation like that, with Karamatsu in such a state. His older brother was completely closed off in their bedroom and had no desire to leave the bed, he was sure that Karamatsu hadn't had breakfast nor lunch and he was sure his brother had been crying non-stop. In Todomatsu’s eyes, they had to do something to help him, to make him feel better. With that thought in mind, Todomatsu left the groceries in the kitchen and went upstairs to grab his brother and take him out the room, maybe help him to dress up and go to the fishing pond.

But as soon as he was in front of the door, just about to knock to warn his brother that he was about to enter, all his resolve melted like an ice cube under the sun. Ichimatsu’s words came back like a breaking ball, diminishing all his confidence. Now that he thought about it, he was not really sure what he could do or say to make Karamatsu stop crying. Todomatsu could hear Karamatsu’s sobbings and suddenly remembered all those nights he woke up in the middle of the night, hearing Karamatsu sobbing and crying in bed, right at his side. His older brother, hugging the pillow, crying with half of his face buried in it while trembling.

His whole body trembled when he was hit by a flashback of himself, listening to all that, watching Karamatsu crying, and then turning around in  bed to keep sleeping. Todomatsu let go of the door and took a step back, his stomach hurting already. Karatsu gave them the signs that something was happening, he tried to tell them. Maybe not with words, but he did tried to reach out to them to make them see what was happening to him and nobody cared enough to see it. Even himself, who was scolding Ichimatsu for leaving, was too bothered by Karamatsu’s cries of help to do anything.

He closed his eyes, feeling so horrible that he could not take it. Deep inside, he cared for his brothers even if they were embarrassing idiots, so Todomatsu could not understand why he ignored the signs. He tried to grab the door again, to open it, while thinking about it.  Todomatsu tried to remember why he did nothing, why he didn’t do anything and forgot about it even if it was obvious that something was wrong. It was obvious now, so it had to be obvious then but, for some reason, he forgot about it and kept sleeping.

“Why….?”

 

In the futon, Karamatsu couldn’t stop crying. He was feeling sad. Just sad. He was not even sure why he was feeling like that and why he couldn’t stop his constant cries, but there was nothing he could do about it. He felt sad and empty, like everything was grey again. He felt lonely and unwanted. Karamatsu felt alone. He knew he was not alone, he knew that he had his family and his friends, that would come to help him if he called them. But the voices were there, attacking him with not a single pause. They were telling him those horrible thing again: that he was useless and he was going to die alone, that nobody really liked him and that he was going to be a loser all his life. He had no talent, he had no quality. He would never be able to do anything on his own and he had no chance to become a proper adult.

He felt like the entire world was laughing at him. Like everything he worked so hard for was completely useless. He was just so sad that he felt the tears falling from his eyes before he could even realize it. It was difficult to breath, because there was something in his throat that made it hard and his chest hurt for no reason. Karamatsu wanted it to stop but… He had repressed his feelings for so long that he needed to vent them out at least one time or he was going to become crazy. He was scared and vulnerable, but maybe the worst part was not knowing what was he scared of… He knew that he had a nightmare, that was a fact. A person does not wake up screaming and scared unless they had a nightmare.

But he couldn’t remember it. It was so embarrassing feeling scared of something that he could not remember and, yet, it was worse because it made him feel weak and small, like a mouse who was in a cat's den. There was nothing he could do to stop his nightmares and, knowing that, gave him such a bitter feeling that he was not able to do anything besides despising himself. Karamatsu hated his nightmares. He hated himself for not remembering them, hated himself for being scared of something as stupid as a nightmare. He hated feeling small and weak, he hated the pain that everything provoked inside his chest.

But maybe  the worst part was that weird and curious feeling of emptiness that the nightmares left in him when they faded away and he woke up. He felt empty, alone. Karamatsu was not even sure what was wrong with him, but the only thing he could do was cry while the voices whispered in his ear trying to fill that void that the nightmares left. Any person with an episode like that sometimes felt like he was empty, like there was a hole in their chest or their mind and could not explain what was wrong with them. Or at least, his doctor told him that.

Now he had the voices whispering again, and it was the only thing he could hear. Karamatsu rolled in their futon, transformed in a little ball of sheets and tears, when he saw the shadow of somebody’s feet under the door. Maybe somebody wanted to come in. They could try, but he was not going to let them enter. Karamatsu wanted to be left alone in his misery.

_ I don’t want to see them _ . he thought, closing his eyes while covering himself with the sheets. The voices were creeping up on him, making him remember so many things.  _ Not like this… It will only make me feel worse. It’s not like what they say can actually fix anything. They broke me… They made me like this. Do they really love me? Why did they do this to me? You don’t hurt the people you love, right? That’s… That is not love _ .

**“That is abuse”** one of the voices said, right beside his ear “ **Like that time they threw really hot chocolate at you for Valentine’s Day”**

**“Or that time they left you tied to a tree”**

**“Or that time they left you completely unconscious at the street, after hitting you. Ichimatsu can punch really hard when he wants, huh?”**

The memories were flooding, covering him. The pain he felt each time, the loneliness, the hate he felt for himself every single time that his brothers did things to him. Their voices complaining of his painfulness. Their sneers and grunts whenever he spoke. The fact that he was just like a lamp in the room, who was just  _ there _ just to keep the balance of the whole decoration. He was something, but not a brother. Not a human. He was just there and they did not care enough.

**“What about that time you were crying, feeling lonely… And your brothers, who were right beside you in bed, just hushed you and told you to go to fucking sleep already. Because you were bothering them. Shittymatsu”**

He muffled a scream against the pillow. Karamatsu wondered if he would ever be able to forgive his brothers. If he was going to be able to leave that bottomless pit of hate and disgust. After all, he loved his family. He wanted to help his brothers and be there for them, even if they were never there for him. His heart and his rational mind told him that no matter what happened, his brothers actually did love him and they all were different now.

But the memories could not stop and, with them, those disgusting feelings were clashing inside him.

_ Maybe this is what I am _

Those feelings were a part of him. Maybe the hate, the disgust, the loneliness, everything was a part of him and he was condemned to live with it forever, hating his brothers and unable to move on. Maybe he was just a fuckup. Maybe he had to stop trying at all.

He was just starting to be consumed by his own sadness, when the bedroom's door was opened. Karamatsu sighed in frustration, mentally preparing to send one of his brothers to fuck off. Whoever it was, he was probably there just to comfort him in an attempt to make themselves feel better. After all, it was because of them that everything ended up like this.

"Karamatsu nii-san"

_ Todomatsu _ . He thought, grunting a little under his breath. Karamatsu did not move at all, as he was already done with the situation. As far as he knew, nothing his brother did was going to fix his head.

"Leave me alone, Todomatsu. Please"

"I... Wanted to show you something" His brother insisted, though his voice sounded dubious.

"What is it?"

"I can't explain it, you have to turn around. Please"

Karamatsu, who was completely surrounded and covered in sheets like a butterfly cocoon, made and audible sound of discomfort and annoyance. That actually felt kind of good, showing his discomfort like that.  He took a moment to wonder why he never showed it to the rest when he was feeling down or sad, or angry, or bothered, or annoyed. He kept it in a lot of time just smiling like an idiot to the point that everybody considered him an idiot. Karamatsu wondered what his brothers actually thought of him now... What they used to think about him and what they would think about him from that very moment, because he decided to express everything in his mind. Everything. If they made him angry, if they were being bothersome. If they had the right to fuck up his head like that, then he had the right to lash out at them when they made him angry. He had the right to express his own thoughts now, he earned it.

At least, that's what he believed.

Taking a deep breath, Karamatsu made the effort to get out of his cocoon of cotton sheets. He stretched and clicked his tongue a little bit, feeling it a little soggy. His whole body felt... Weird and his head was pounding like he was just hit with a baseball bat. There was a strange pressure behind his eyes and he felt completely tired, drained, which was kind of ironic taking into account that he spent a lot of time in bed.

"What the heck do you want, Todomatsu...?"

He turned, already frowning. He was ready to growl at his brother so he would leave him alone already, but he couldn't. What he saw shocked him to the point that his mind went blank, forgetting about everything he was about to say and do, staying still in his position while his eyes became as wide as they were able to.

His youngest brother was there, on his knees. He was wearing jeans and leather shoes, a pink tank top with glitter stars and a leather jacket, cool glasses included. It was his perfect fashion. Todomatsu was trembling, smiling as much as he could even with his face red with embarrassment. Karamatsu knew how much his young brother despised his perfect fashion for being too "painful", to the point he almost cried that one time that he had to wear it and he almost killed him when he insisted on making his robotic little sister wear it.

"How..." Todomatsu swallowed hard, trying his best to make his voice come out. "How do I look?"

Karamatsu remained quiet and looked at his brother completely dumbfounded until something started bursting inside his chest. It was something warm and fuzzy, a feeling that cut right between his melancholy. It exploded and flowed from his heart to the rest of his body, resulting in an outburst of laughter. He laughed and laughed, falling again on the bed while hugging his own stomach. Karamatsu laughed so hard that he started crying and he didn't know why. He knew that he was probably scaring his little brother but, after being who knows how long completely sunken in emotions as horrible as self-deprecation and hate, that feeling of glee was something he had to feel and enjoy before calming down.

In the end, he did calmed down. With tears still gathering in his eyes, Karamatsu faced his brother and could not help but smile, even if Todomatsu looked like he was about to call a doctor and a priest at the same time.

"My dear brother, this is utterly unexpected. I can't help but wonder what's the reason behind you using my perfect fashion in this adorable spring morning?"

"It's actually the afternoon. Almost snack time"

After being corrected by his brother, Karamatsu could not help but blush. He had not realized that he had spent almost half a day in bed.

"Oh..." he coughed,  trying to regain his posture. "B-but that does not answer my question, Todomatsu. Though you look amazing in those clothes. My perfect fashion suits you so well, as it is expected of my little brother. You look almost as cool as me!"

"Oh God... Please don't start. I am trying my best not to freak out"

"I know" Karamatsu came out of the bed, sitting in the futon indian style. "That's why it is even more surprising that you're wearing these clothes. You were very vocal about you disdain of them"

"Hum... I... Wanted to make you feel better" before Karamatsu could even think of an answer to those words, Todomatsu bowed to him still on his knees. It was a surprising sight, Karamatsu could not even remember seeing his brother doing that before. "I am sorry. I know this is our fault, I know that you said that you need time, that this is a process and all that but... The truth is that we fucked it up and that will never change. Things will never be what they used to be... So I am not asking you to forgive me"

"Todomatsu..."

"Let me fucking finish!" The young one exclaimed, his forehead frowned and his lips tense. "You don't have to forgive me. Not me or the rest. But... I will try to... To be better. I'll try to show you that I care so one day I can... I can earn it. Your forgiveness. And you can look at me the way you used to"

Karamatsu didn't know what to do. There was no way he could answer to that. His youngest brother looked apologetic and yet, completely serious. He never realized that he was looking at his brothers in a different way but it made sense.  Despite that he loved them, sometimes he wondered that if he cared for them because they were of the same flesh and blood, or if he truly loved them. And after having all those negative thoughts even he was having doubts.

"I didn't realize... That I was treating you differently".

"You do. The rest don't say anything, but we can feel it somehow. Osomatsu is the one who is denying everything but... I think it's because he's scared. We all are" Todomatsu laughed a bit, even if it was a forced laugh. "Admitting we are five little pieces of shit it's actually pretty hard, you know?"

"I'm sorry... For being such a weak and useless older brother. I should be able to be like before, but I can't. I think... I don't want to? Goodness, this is really confusing. I don't even know what I feel"

Todomatsu moved his head one side to the other and caressed his older brother's head.

"There's no such a thing as olders or youngers between us. We are sextuplets, right? We all have the same damn age!  And... I wouldn't want to either if I were you. But!" he suddenly exclaimed, stiffening his body. "We are family. So as I said, I am going to show you that I care. Words don't mean a damn after all"

"That's not necessary..."

"Shut up, I'll do it anyway" Totty said, with his unreadable cute expression he always made when he wanted to get away with something. "I don't care if you get angry. Now... It is kind of late and I saved some snacks for you. Would you come downstairs and eat?"

He was going to refuse but, suddenly, he realized that he had no need to be in the bed anymore. The voices were quieted and he was getting hungry. Besides, looking at his brother with his cheeks as red as an apple just for wearing his clothes made him smile. Karamatsu knew how uncomfortable it was for Totty to use his perfect fashion... Even if he always pretended not to notice, it was obvious that Totty despised the way he dressed and using that apparel was almost like torture for him.

But he did it for him, because he wanted to see him happy. It was a nice gesture.

Karamatsu closed his eyes, inhaled, and then nodded.

"Yes, I'll be down in a bit. I have to take out the futon and have a shower. I... smell like a locker room. An old locker room"

"You bet. Alright, I'll go get changed in beat and prepare some tea for us!"

Todomatsu got up quickly and left, singing a song under his breath. Karamatsu smiled, getting up too so he could get rid of the futon at once. The whole situation was odd. His youngest brother telling him that he was going to show him his love, that he did not deserved to be forgiven yet. Karamatsu did not knew what to do with himself, as his feelings and desires were completely out of control. He had always wanted to have his brother's attention and now... Now he wanted to be left alone. A part of him was happy, a part of him wanted to smash their skulls with a hammer. It was an odd mixture that he could barely handle. He did not remember feeling like this before but, then again, his therapist told him that he probably repressed his feelings.

"You spent a lot of time trying to be what you thought everybody else wanted you to be. Caring too much about other people's opinions, without a path to follow or something that you could hold onto. You were like a mirror" Hisoka said in their last session, when they talked about a dream in which he saw his self awareness ball. "Now you have to be you. Fill yourself, paint it, discover it again. So instead of being a mirror, you become a painting. But it will take time. And work. And dealing with things you may not want to deal with."

_ Indeed.  _ Karamatsu thought, messing with his hair a litt.  _ This is too much. _

Yet he was going to keep pushing. He was not going to fall into the old ways again.

After taking out the futon, he choose his clothes and was about to go to the bathroom to take a quick shower, but he remembered his cell phone and searched for it. He found it in one of his drawers, though he didn’t remember that he left it turned off in one of his shelves. He turned it on and saw a lot of messages and a missed call from Yuki. Feeling like crap for making his dear friend worry that much, he decided to send her a quick message.

<<Dear Yu, I was having a bad day. I’m sorry. Turned off my phone and forgot about it. I am better now>>

He received a reply so quickly that he had no time to put the cell phone over one of the furniture in order to not forget about it later.

<<Are you sure? Do you need anything? Dude, I was worried sick! It’s not like I can talk to your brothers, I don’t have their numbers! Or your house number, for that matter>>

<<I know, I am terribly sorry. I was feeling so down, I just couldn’t… I don’t even remember turning off my cell phone>>

Yuki send him an emoji of hearts and a cute cat smiling at him.

<<It’s okay, I understand. Sometimes I feel like that too and I close myself in my bedroom, but I was kind of worried when you didn’t write me during the whole day. When you feel bad, try to tell me, yes? I don’t care if you don’t want to talk about it or you just want to be alone. Just tell me that you are down and that you won’t be able to use your cell phone… And If you need me, you know I am here>>

Karamatsu smiled, feeling his heart at ease. While reading his messages, he started to go to the bathroom. He left his clothes over the toilet, started to fill the bath with some lukewarm water and decided to add a little bit of perfume and bubbles to it. Maybe he could use his cell phone to listen some classical music while bathing. He needed to relax, after all.

<<I know that. Thank you. And I am sorry for worrying you, but I was in no mood to do anything besides lying in my bed. I was feeling so bad. Weak, stupid, angry. I wanted to give up. It’s so stressful>>

For him, all that storm of feelings and sensations was like being in a rollercoaster with no security belt.

<<It’s fine, it gets better with time. Sometimes you will feel like that every now and then but, as long as you can go on, everything will be fine. Want me to come over tomorrow? If you want, of course>>

<<Thank you, Yu. I’ll think about it, okay? Just give me a moment to have a bath and relax>>

<<Sure. I’ll be downloading JoJo’s newest episodes, just in case ;P >>

He laughed and started to tinker with his phone’s apps so he could listen to some classical music, as he normally did not had music in his cell. But he did not wanted to search for his mp3 for now, so his cellphone had to do the work. Karamatsu searched for a good song, until he decided for Mozart’s  _ Clarinet Concerto in A Major, _ mainly because he liked it’s soothing sound and the way it echoed inside the bathroom, and then he went into the water.

Karamatsu enjoyed the music and the bath, relaxing as much as he could. He never did something like that, getting in a bathtub just for the sake of relaxing, without any other motive. But it was kind of nice. Leaving the warm water caress his skin, breathing the perfume of the soap, using the sponge over his body. He took a deep breath and stayed like that for a while, until his mother went to the bathroom and knocked the door.

“Karamatsu, honey, are you okay in there?”

He kept his eyes closed, smiling. His poor mother was probably worried about him.

“Yes, mother. Don’t worry. I was just relaxing a little bit… I will be out in a while and I will make sure that this bathroom is spotless clean, so you don’t have to do it yourself”

“Ah, that’s good dear” Karamatsu was able to hear the relief in her voice before he heard his mother’s footsteps getting away from the bathroom door. He felt bad for making her worry like that, but it was hard for him too. He did tried his best to overcome this bad time he was having but, sometimes, his best wasn’t enough. Like that day.

Karamatsu looked at his phone and realized it was vibrating. He stretched his arm and took it carefully, trying not to get it wet or drop it into the bath by accident; there was a message of Yu which consisted only of a black and gray photo of a lion’s profile with a phrase in big, white words that said: ‘If you give up today, yesterday’s effort becomes useless. Be UNSTOPPABLE’

He smiled even before he was aware of it. Yuki always tried his best to make him feel better, even when she didn’t knew that she was doing so much for him. She was even sending him songs that, according to her, were going to cheer him up. Sometimes he wondered what did he do to have such an amazing friend, as he could not think of a single thing  he could have done that was good enough for the universe to reward him with the chance to meet and befriend someone as good as Yuki. He could not help to think about how everything changed since that day in which he received Yuki’s first message, even if it was a happy coincidence that she mistook a six for a nine while dialing her friend’s number, thanks to that message he started to work out, he practiced with his guitar, composed new songs and he even got a job and friends.

Things were really changing at a light speed. Before, he was satisfied with being a NEET because he didn’t really need anything nor expected anything from the world. He was happy with being with his brothers, trying to find Karamatsu Girls, messing around and getting in trouble. But now that was not enough. He got to take a glimpse of adulthood when Choromatsu left, as that was his first attempt to get a job and become a proper person… And he failed miserably, of course. It was not easy to try to find a job, not with no studies nor preparation, and the whole process only worked to make him to feel so insecure that he came back to his NEEThood with no complaints.

For some reason it was different now. He was not satisfied with being a NEET, he was not as afraid as before. Even though sometimes he felt insecure and the fear of failing struck him down, Karamatsu wanted so much more. He wanted to see the world, he wanted to experiment a lot of new things. He wanted to travel, to wander, he wanted to see places and meet people, he wanted to sing and move people’s hearts like when he was in Alterna. He probably would never make it… Living from music was particularly difficult. But he wanted to try it and all because on one day, one really crappy day, he got a message that was destined to someone else and met his best friend. His whole life changed completely thanks to a coincidence.

It was too good to be true. To the point it became scary whenever he thought about it for too long. And yet, he was really glad that he meet Yu. If he kept that good luck maybe someday he would be able to have even more friends and maybe, just maybe, he would meet his destined love.

Karamatsu closed his eyes again, but he felt a few knocks on the bathroom door.

“Karamatsu, dear…? Are you alright?”

It was his mother again. He started to think that maybe he was spending more time than the necessary bathing.

“Yes, mother. Sorry, I just… I think I fell asleep, but worry not. I am getting out now” he went silent for a moment, thinking about his friend, when suddenly he had an idea. “Mom, I know this is kind of sudden but… Can I invite my friend for dinner? I’ll help to prepare everything, I’ll even go and buy everything you need by myself. I… Want to see them. I want you to meet them”

“Of course, dear! Don’t worry, call your friend and tell them to come. Why don’t you tell them to come early, so you can spend some time together and chat? Don’t worry about dinner, I’ll take care of everything”

“Are you sure?” he got out of the bath, getting rid of the water in a second before covering himself with a towel. He was very conscious about drying up his body and hair, as he did not wanted to get sick nor ruin his clothes. So he dried thoroughly his whole body, even to the point to almost hurt his skin. He did not mind, not when he could borrow some of Totty’s creams.

“Yes, don’t worry. Now finish up and come down to get some snacks. You haven’t eaten the whole day”.

“Of course, mommy. Don’t worry”

While listening to his mother footsteps  going away again, Karamatsu dried his hair and took care of his sore skin using Todomatsu’s creams. Then he dressed up with a simple black t-shirt and jeans before taking his cellphone again.

<<My dearest friend of all times, soul mate and confident, would you be so kind to come over and hang out with me at my house? You can also stay for dinner. My mother said it was okay and I want to see you>>

<<I knew I did the right thing when I downloaded JoJo’s third season. I’ll be there as soon as my cookies are done. I won’t have enough time to decorate them, though =( >>

Karamatsu opened the door and the bathroom window, letting the steam get out.

<<You made cookies? You didn’t had to, Yu. I am happy with your sole presence, as it illuminates my day>>

Yuki send him an emoji of a cat laughing and another one of a beating heart.

<<Of course I do, I illuminate everybody's day. And of course I made cookies! This is an emergency! I am also buying a lot of junk food, so brace yourself! >.< >>

Karamatsu laughed, knowing that he could not stop his friend of doing what she wanted to do. So for now he just told her not to hurry because they had plenty of time, then he started to clean the bathroom so his mother did not had to worry about it. As soon as he finished with it, he went down the stairs feeling utterly happy. Now that his friend was coming over, everything was going to get better.

  
  


Ichimatsu stretched himself. It was kind of late when he came back home and was more than surprised when he saw Karamatsu smiling, moving around the house cleaning and singing under his breath. Whatever was wrong with him seemed to be solved, so he sat in his usual place on the kotatsu, ignoring Todomatsu´s glares. The rest of his brothers were there too, but only Jyuushimatsu was helping Karamatsu. Or at least that’s what he attempted to, because he was leaving buttercups all over the place saying that buttercups would make Karamatsu happy as they bring happiness and squirrels.

Just hearing that made Karamatsu’s eyes tear. So neither of the other Matsus had the heart to complain.

Apparently, they were expecting someone. Ichimatsu could not think of anybody who would wish to visit them but, as it was not his business, he was just going to stay on the corner and try to be invisible. He was just getting up to hide, when the doorbell rang and his brothers turned to see him.

“Oh, you are up! Could you please open the door, Ichimatsu niisan?” Todomatsu said, using his cutesy giggle. Ichimatsu just groaned with no desire to do it but in the end he just turned on his heels and went to the door to finish the deed quickly. With Suzu following him closely, he slowly walked to the door and opened it up in a flash.

“Yeah, who is i…?”

His words were lost in an instant. In front of him there was a pretty girl, tall, a little plump, but really cute. She was there, wearing a cute black strapless dress with black dots. She was wearing a lot of earrings and her dark hair with yellow locks was falling in loose curls over her shoulders and back. Ichimatsu stood there like an idiot, oblivious to the fact that ESP kitty was between her arms.

“Oh, hi! Is this your cat..?”

“Yes…”

He stretched his arms to grab the cat and then he closed the door. Convinced that it was all an illusion, Ichimatsu went back to the living room where his brothers were waiting, except for Karamatsu that seemed to be in the kitchen with his mother. The two of them were arguing, because Matsuyo didn’t want him to help so he could entertain their guest. Ichimatsu sat down next to Jyuushi, who was over his giant yellow ball.

“Who was at the door, Niisan?”

Ichimatsu shrugged, petting Suzu and ESP Kitty.

“Somebody got the wrong address, no big deal”

“Ohh, what a cut down ball!” he whined. Jyuushimatsu was really excited about their visitor, as it was one of Karamatsu’s friends. The doorbell sounded again. This time Jyuushimatsu got up and ran to the door at high speed.

The rest of the brothers just kept doing their thing, listening to the door opening.

“Yuki-san, you came!!”

And then the Matsunos lifted their heads and looked at each other in disbelief.

“Hello there, Jyuushi! I told you to call me Yuki, already”

Jyuushimatsu laughed and apologised, but the rest exchanged weirded looks. That was not Yuki’s voice, at least not the one they remembered. That new voice was soft, kind of feminine.

“Karamatsuuu niiiisaaaaaaan! Yuki is heeeere!” Jyuushi screamed, Karamatsu came out of the kitchen and went to the door so fast that his brothers were unable to see him, only leaving his blue apron that ended up falling over Osomatsu’s head.

“Yuki, you came! Ah, I’m sorry, the house is probably a mess but… I hope that my humble home can make you feel welcomed, my dearest friend. Mother and I were preparing something utterly delicious for dinner, your tastebuds will dance in joy as soon as you take a bite”

The other person giggled. It was a girly giggle.

“Don’t worry about that, Karamatsu. I am just happy that you can have me today. Oh, I made cookies and a little cake to share with everybody”

“Oh, you didn’t have to…”

“It’s tradition! When somebody invites you to their house you bring wine or sweets! And since I am pretty good with sweets…”

Jyuushimatsu screamed of joy could be heard all over the house and his brothers saw him ran to the kitchen with cake box in his hands. They heard his mother being happy for the cake and putting it in the fridge. Still astonished, they went to the hall and almost fainted when they saw the person that his brother was talking to. When they heard Yuki’s name the Matsuno brothers expected the same boy with baggish clothes and a raspy voice but, instead, they were confronted with the image of a pretty girl. A cute girl with curves, breasts, with heels and some make up. She was there talking with Karamatsu like they were best buds and when she turned around and saw her face, they realized that it was the same person that stayed in their house not too long ago and made hotcakes for them.

“Holy shit!” Osomatsu’s mouth and eyes were wide open. So the asshole that was messing with his brother was in reality a pretty girl, not a trans guy. So now instead of competing against another dude in equal conditions he had to compete with an harpy who could use her feminine charm to get her way. Though the rest of his brothers were looking at her with their cheeks blushed and glistening eyes, he was angry.

_ That bitch. She tricked us! Acting like a guy and then coming here looking all sweet and pretty. _

As soon as Karamatsu and Yuki started to move, they all went back to the living room and pretended like they were doing their own thing. Ichimatsu was completely red, ashamed for closing the door in her face. Totty was thinking in which was he could look more cute for her, Choromatsu was just hoping that Osomatsu did not ridicule them for that night. 

“My beloved brothers! Here is Yuki, you already met her. She came to visit today” he said, like nothing was wrong. The others were too confused about Yuki’s appearance to glare at him for bringing a girl home before them “She’ll stay for dinner too!”

“O-oh…” Choromatsu did his best to looked happy and be polite. “That’s great. It’s such a pleasure to see you again Yuki-san”

Yuki was right behind Karamatsu. She gave him a bright smile and Choromatsu’s cheeks became totally red.

“Thanks! It’s good to be back. This house is so lively unlike mine” she played a little bit with her hair. “But you can all call me Yuki, I don’t use honorifics”

Choromatsu was ready to reply, but Jyuushimatsu’s loud steps shutted him up. The yellow Matsuno practically ran towards the young girl and hugged her tightly, pressing his face against her chest.

“You promised me a hug if I took the cake to the kitchen!”

Yuki blinked, Karamatsu was mortified for his brother’s behaviour but his friend just caressed Jyuushi’s head, much to the rest of the Matsuno’s displeasure.

“It’s okay. A promise is a promise, right?”

But the males clenched their fists when they saw Jyuushi trying to get his face practically buried between her boobs. He looked at them and stuck his tongue out before letting her go. Though Karamatsu tried to reprimand Jyuushimatsu, Yuki said that she was used to things like that because his friends did it all the time, so it was normal for her. She took Karamatsu’s hand, urging him to go to the bedroom so he could show him “something”

“Oh, beloved Yuki, you are right. We should be doing something really important. Brothers, we’ll be in our bedroom. Would you please knock the door if you need to enter?” they were unable to reply because he was already smiling and walking up the stairs. “Great! Mother! I’ll be in our bedroom with Yuki! You will call me if you need anything, right?”

Matsuyo’s voice could be heard from the kitchen.

“Of course, dear! I’ll get you some refreshments in a moment!”

“No need,  _ mommy _ . I’ll retrieve them myself”

And then they walked up the stairs, chatting and laughing. The rest of the brothers were completely out of it. They could not believe Karamatsu’s audacity to bring a girl right into their house and then go and isolate himself in their very own bedroom with her, leaving them behind. They didn’t even had time to say anything to her and now they were completely alone, while his brother was with a woman behind closed doors. And on top of that, they were still struggling with the idea of that lady being the same Yuki that came to their house dressed with loose clothes. All of them were aware of Yuki’s true gender but decided to shrug it off and still treat him like a guy nevertheless but now he, or she, came back looking completely different.

Four of the five brothers needed at least thirteen minutes to process the whole situation, coming back to their senses when they saw Karamatsu walking down the stairs, go into the kitchen and then come out with a tray filled with snacks and two glasses of juice; then he went back to their room and closed the door.

“What the heck are they doing?” Todomatsu mumbled, looking at the stairs. He wanted to go up, open the door and see what was happening but he did not had the courage to do so.

“Well, that’s obvious!” Osomatsu stretched his legs and then laid on the floor. “They are doing dirty things for sure! There’s nothing else you can do with a girl in a room, right?”

Choromatsu and Ichimatsu scoffed, even if they were blushing and imagining things too.

“Don’t be ridiculous, not everybody is a pervert like you”

“That coming from Chorofappinsky?”

“Say what again?!”

They started to fight again, while Ichimatsu and Todomatsu complained about it without even intervening. While they were on that, Jyuushimatsu got up and walked up the stairs. It took them five minutes to realize but when they did, the brothers practically run to reach him. They screamed, crawling over the stairs, trying to stop their young brother to interrupt Karamatsu’s business, but Jyuushi just knocked the door and asked permission to get in. Osomatsu and the rest watched as Karamatsu opened the door, smiled at his brother and let him in. They waited for a while until Jyuushimatsu came out again, smiling like he always did. His brothers practically tried tackled him down to talk to him, but they ended up falling right in front of Jyuushimatsu.

“W-wait, Jyuushi!” Choromatsu was panting, as well as the others.

“Yes?” he tilted his head, not changing his expression at all.

“C-can you tell us… What they were doing? Were they… doing stuff?”

Jyuushimatsu’s eyes widened as he thought about it thoroughly.

“Oh yes! They were doing stuff!” all of them gasped. “They were listening to music and watching videos! They were eating snacks and Yuki promised me to teach me how to play football if I thought her to play baseball. So we are going to muscle-hustle soon! What a homerun!”

Ichimatsu clacked his tongue, while Totty laughed under his breath. Convinced that his big bro did not understand the meaning of their questions, he took out his cell phone and urged Ichimatsu to do the same. After pressing some buttons, he gave his own phone to Jyuushimatsu.

“Jyuushi, can you do me a favor? Can you plug my phone in it’s charger? It’s over the shelves. Just let the phone there and plug it… With the screen looking at them. So we can listen to the music too, can you do that?”

“Okay!”

With no other question, Jyuushimatsu did as he was told. The rest then went back to the living room while Todomatsu was playing with Ichimatsu’s phone, though Choromatsu was looking at his younger brother with suspicion. He was well aware that Todomatsu was planning something.

“Totty….”

“Sshh, let me… Let’s see… Ah, finally!” triumphant, Todomatsu sat down and showed them the phone’s screen. Now they could see what was happening in the bedroom, as he used a special app that allowed to connect phones and watch as one of said phones was recording a video. “This app was made by professor Dankapan, though it’s still just a prototype. Now we can see everything!”

Indeed they could, as they saw Jyuushimatsu getting out of the room. The Matsuno men waited, looking straight at the screen. They were waiting for Karamatsu to make a move on her, to do anything, to kiss her at least. But as minutes passed and all that those two did was looking at her laptop’s screen, listen to music and after awhile they began to play a game together. The closest thing to physical contact that Karamatsu and Yuki shared was when she sat on Karamatsu’s lap so they both would be more comfortable while playing.

Osomatsu rolled over the floor, screaming in disgust.

“That idiot! He has a girl all for himself and he isn’t doing anything! I want to kill himmmmm!”

Choromatsu was about to answer, when voices came out from Ichimatsu’s phone.

 

Yuki stretched a little bit, making a little sound. Karamatsu patted her head with one hand, using the other to still play the game.

“Yuki, my older brother sense is telling me that you are quite tired today.  Are you okay with this? You could be at home taking a nap”

Yuki shrugged, playing with her hair a little.

“I had morning shift today. You would think it's the easiest shift but… You never know. Anything can go wrong at any moment” she stretched again,  and then leaned over Karamatsu who straightened his back so both of them would be comfortable. “Besides, it doesn’t matter. I am always tired. Being with you was more important… How are you holding up, by the way?”

Karamatsu smiled, closing his eyes for a bit before concentrating on the videogame. It was nice. The whole thing was nice. He never thought that having a true friend could be really fulfilling as it had been a long time since someone cared for him like that. She called him, she sent him messages, she came to see him even if she was tired from work and school. That feeling in his chest whenever he was with his friend was one of those things he did not wanted to give up and pushed him to never, ever let thing be “like before” again.

“It was hard” he answered, messing up the sequence to defeat the character he was fighting. “Ugh, how can you defeat this guy?!”

“Who is it…? Papyrus? Wow, you got really far. You hadn't killed anyone, right?” Karamatsu shook his head. “Good. Let me see if I can do it. I know that we don’t have to kill any of the enemies if we want to have a good ending, but I’ve never played it” Karamatsu allowed her to take control, and she looked directly to the screen while trying to win the battle. “It was a really bad nightmare?”

“Pretty bad. It’s odd, huh? I can’t really remember my nightmares, not completely. But it feels like there’s something out there trying to hurt me, to chase me, and I just feel so small and…”

“Weak”

The two of them said the same thing at the same time. Karamatsu laughed a little bit, watching as Yuki tried to dodge the enemy's attacks.

“Yes, weak. Very weak. Today it make me feel desolate… My… My brothers were in that dream”

As soon as he said that, Yuki paused the game and moved to face him. She didn’t say a word, just lifted her hand to caress his head slowly, so he kept going.

“Somebody told me something about everything being like before but… I don’t know, I don’t want things to be like before. I don’t want to be alone  all over again. And when I woke up I could only remember all those times that my brothers made me feel small. It’s horrible, I don’t want to feel like that”

“I know, Karamatsu. You love your brothers” she kept caressing his head, smiling softly at him. Whenever he looked at her face he had the impression that she understood him.

“I’m frightened. What if I can never forgive them? What if those… Horrible feelings are a part of me? Am I a bad person?” Karamatsu asked, lifting his head to look at her eyes. “You would forgive your family, right?”

“You are barking at the wrong tree here, Karaboy. I would never, ever forgive my family” Yuki said, letting out a deep sigh. “But my situation it’s different than yours and I may not have been with you as long as your brothers, but I can tell that you are not rancorous like me. I am sure everything will work out, just… Give it time. Besides, in their own way, your brothers care about you! They did screw up” Yukina added, rolling her eyes. “But for everything you’ve been telling me, they seem to be sorry”

Karamatsu remembered Totty’s display that day and smiled. He also remembered Choromatsu helping him to heal his wounded hands, Jyuushi singing with him on the rooftop, Osomatsu trying his best to cheer him up.

“Yes, they really are trying their best. I am lucky for having this family, as wicked and crazy as it is, am I?”

“I think it could be worse, dear. So… Hum, do you want a hug?”

Karamatsu kept quiet for a few seconds, before nodding. He did wanted a hug. He wanted that the week passed faster so they could be in Alterna all over again and forget about everything with the stage’s lights and all those kids screaming his name but, for that moment, a hug was enough. Yukina wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly and letting him press his chin on her shoulder. Karamatsu closed his eyes and pressed Yukina’s body against his, feeling all fuzzy and warm inside. It consoled him knowing that there was somebody out there that was able to understand, to grasp what it was like to have those nightmares and the anxiety attacks they caused. They hugged tightly for a few minutes, before he let her go.

“Thanks, Yu. You are a great friend”

She laughed, messing with Karamatsu’s hair.

“Bet your ass I am! Hey, tell you what. There’s going to be a spring festival soon, right? Why don’t we go together? Your brothers can come too. Let’s all have a good time and forget about everything. What do you say?”

“That sounds nice. I am definitely going” he took a moment to think and then looked at Yuki from head to toe. “Are you going to wear a yukata?”

“Oh!” she tilted her head, thinking about it. “I don’t know, I don’t think I can pull off a Yukata… And I have never wear one before. What if it looks odd on a foreigner like me?”

Karamatsu was convinced that nothing could look bad on Yuki, whether it was a Yukata, sweatpants or a skirt, but it was also kind of cute that she believed that she couldn’t “pull off” a suit after always telling him that he could use whatever he wanted and still look awesome.

“I don’t think you should worry about that, dearest italian fairy of mine” he said, playing with her long hair, looking at her yellow locks getting curly and bouncing whenever he let them go. It reminded him of Jyuushimatsu. “I am going to bedazzle my own yukata, so my very own person is going to be so sparkling and dazzling that nobody would pay attention to you. Besides  I think that you look good even if you wear a trash bag”

Karamatsu said that with good intentions, as it came from the bottom of his heart. He thought that maybe his friend misunderstood him because she looked at him squinting her eyes, pressing her lips… Until she smiled.

“Why bedazzle your yukata… When you can add pearls to it?”

He widened up his eyes, imagining it. Both of them looked at each other, a smile creeping up their faces little by little.

“Yuki, you are a genius”

“I have to draw this!”

Yuki crawled in search of her bag, taking out her sketchbook and a few pencils, she layed down on the ground and started to draw with Karamatsu right beside her, telling her his own ideas on how to make a yukata even more amazing than it was. With that, they forgot about the game, the dreams and any other worry they may had.

 

On the living room, the brothers looked at each other, trying to comprehend what they just saw. Choromatsu scratched his head, thinking about his older brother feelings.

“They really seem to get along, huh? I… Can’t believe Karamatsu feels like that”

Ichimatsu hugged his own knees.

“It’s like they understand each other. Having someone who understands is nice”

Osomatsu made a muffled sound, trying his best not to think about what his brother said. Karamatsu did not want things to be like before, he was thinking that he was a bad person because of his dreams and the feelings those dreams caused. Despite that he hated Yuki for taking Karamatsu away from him, Osomatsu could not help but be thankful that Karamatsu had someone to talk about those things. He was pretty sure that he would not be able to comfort Karamatsu in a proper way… Even when that was his job for the last few years, it was obvious now that he did a pretty crappy job. Osomatsu was unable to see the damage, to see what was hidden behind his brother’s mask of happiness because it was convenient to him. Or maybe it was because he was just so used to things being what they were that he could not think that something was amiss. Whatever the reason, Osomatsu felt like a terrible brother. Now Karamatsu had mixed feelings about them, was trying to leave and live his own life away from them, and it was all his fault.

Maybe if he had stopped the bullying earlier. If he took the time to see the real Karamatsu, to talk deeply about their feelings. Karamatsu always wanted to talk about his feelings, and he was well aware of that. They use to have this long chats while fishing a few years ago but then they just stopped. Now he was thinking that he should’ve taken that as a sign that something was wrong. But as always, he just kept overlooking it.

Todomatsu felt bad about spying on his brother now after checking that he had a pretty naive relationship with his friend. He was a little pissed that his brother was not making a move on a cute girl, but it was for the best. He had a good friend that played games with him… And now they had a chance to make a move on her. With some luck, if he played his cards right, he could be the blessed one. But for now Totty just closed the app and gave Ichimatsu’s phone back to him. They listened to something really intimate that his brother did not want them to know, but now that they knew, Todomatsu was more than convinced about showing Karamatsu that he was loved with acts instead of words.

As a silent agreement, every Matsuno in the room decided that they were not going to spy on them anymore. As soon as they agreed on that, they heard laughter. Apparently, they came out from the bedroom. When Karamatsu and Yuki came into the room, everybody was in their designated position, pretending to be doing something.

“ _ Brothers _ !” Karamatsu said, and they almost fell on the ground because he used the right pronunciation. “Yuki brought homemade cookies to share with everybody. Why don’t we eat together? I’ll go make some tea”

Jyuushi practically jumped and slipped on the floor just to land right next to Yuki, who sat down in front of the kotatsu. “Can I have some? I looove cookies!”

“Sure, I’ve made them for everybody! But the cake is only for dessert, alright?” Jyuushimatsu nodded energetically and she looked in her bag, taking out a purple container. She left it right in the middle of the kotatsu and removed the lid, letting them see a huge amount of cookies. They all had different shapes and colours. “I normally decorate them with glaze but… I did not had the time. I hope you enjoy them. There are cinnamon cookies, chocolate cookies, gingerbread and vanilla”

“Yaaay!”

Jyuushimatsu started to attack the cookies almost immediately. The others took their time, as they did not knew how to deal with the idea of Yuki being a woman and looking like a woman. But in the end, they all ended up sitting again and taking one of two cookies. Even Osomatsu, though he was not happy about it. 

Seeing his friend and his brothers get along made Karamatsu smile, even if a little part of him was still wary of his brothers perverted nature, he decided to give them the benefit of doubt.

“Okay then, I’ll go make some tea” Karamatsu said, and then left his brothers and Yuki completely alone.

The brothers looked at each other, and Osomatsu decided to make a move. After all, he had to take every chance he had to make that witch leave their house as soon as possible.

_ Maybe I could even get some information out of her or something _ .

“So… “ he leaned to grab a cookie. “You dress like a guy every day or is it just some kind of fetish?”

Ichimatsu choked on his cookie and the others blushed wildly, Choromatsu looking at him with utter disgust.

“Osomatsu! How dare you! You can’t just ask something like that in that way! That’s not how you treat a visitor!”

“Hey, I was just asking! I mean, she, he, it, whatever it is came to our house acting and dressing like a dude and now it’s here with that pretty dress. It’s weird!”

Jyuushimatsu and Totty had their hands over their mouths, and looked at Yuki concerned. But she just let the cookie she grabbed and looked at them with a faint smile.

“I know it may be weird for some people and I take it that Karamatsu did not tell you about it. He’s a sweetheart, but he just can’t have me like this in your house and expect that you don’t feel weird near me. But, as you asked, I have to tell you that it is not a fetish or anything like that” the girl ate the head of her human shaped cookie, piercing Osomatsu with her eyes.

Osomatsu could feel her dark aura forming, surrounding her body. He let out some of his own dark power, feeling it’s dark fumes coming out from his skin. He wanted to scare her, but it seemed like it was to no avail.

“I am genderqueer or genderfluid. That means that some days I feel like a man, so I dress and act as such. Some days is the opposite. On other days I feel like none, so I use unisex clothings. I’ll go by every pronoun you want to use, I understand that switching from she to him or them can be tricky, so you don’t have to worry about it. It is just the way I see myself and how I express it. My… Identity as a person”

Osomatsu lifted his eyebrows. He expected a battle, but that answer was just plain honestly. Even though he could feel her aura, she was not trying to fight.

_ The heck? _

“Well, that’s hella weird”

Choromatsu slugged him.

“Shut up, you shitty eldest! I… I’m sorry, Yuki-san. My brother is just a brute. Thanks for explaining, you didn’t need to but… Thanks. It’s so much easier now!”

Ichimatsu nodded, grabbing two more cookies with the shape of a cat. He only ate the ones with the shape of a cat.

“Yeah, it all makes sense now. So… It is alright if we use female pronouns now?”

“Yep!” she gave him such a nice smile that Ichimatsu felt like he was melting and couldn’t help but blush. Jyuushi, on the other hand, glared at Osomatsu for a second but then he turned to Yuki, smiling widely.

“These cookies are great! You did not lie when you said you were good at baking. They feel like a home run!”

“Ah… I don’t understand half of what you said, but thanks! Honestly, though, I am a terrible cook. Baking is the only thing I can do without burning the whole house down”

Osomatsu pressed his lips.

“Well, that’s nice. After all, women belong in the kitchen, right?”

There it was again, Osomatsu smiled when he saw her eyes getting sharper. But it was not enough. He had to find something that made her mad so he could let out her little secret in front of Karamatsu. But again, the sharpness faded.

“Everybody needs to know how to cook or bake, you’ll live alone someday and you won’t have your mom to do everything for you, like you were a five years old”

That time, Osomatsu was the one who sharpened his eyes and the rest snickered. Karamatsu came back again, suddenly. They all turned around to see his brother bringing some salty snacks and juice.

“Sorry everybody! I forgot to ask what kind of tea did you wanted. We have black and green… Yuki, do you have something against green tea?”

“I can drink both perfectly fine. But you better hurry, or your brothers are going to eat every cookie”

Osomatsu wanted to make her angry. He had to if he wanted to let her secret out. So even when he did not wanted to do what he was about to do, he did it anyway.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. Karamatsu is used to being ignored. We always eat everything without him anyway”

Karamatsu, who was giving everybody their glass, stopped in his tracks for a second, pressed his lips and forced a smile, going like nothing happened. Yuki looked at him and then the sharpness came back.

So that was her weak spot.

The others looked at each other, not knowing what to do. Their eldest was being an asshole but Karamatsu didn’t say anything, so they decided to let it slide for now.

“Osomatsu” Karamatsu gave him his glass of juice. “Don’t be like that, leave some cookies to me”

“I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything…  It’s okay, it wouldn’t be the first time, right? Like… Oh, right! Remember that time we left for five days and left without telling you anything? We took all the food, your money, we locked you in and left for five whole days. It was amazing, you cried like a baby when we came back”

Ichimatsu hissed. His brother was being mean for no reason. Even Choromatsu glared at him, but Osomatsu did not seem to notice. Karamatsu just kept smiling, trying to avoid his friend’s eyes.

“Hah! He looked so pathetic. Like, like that time he got drunk and we tied him up in a pole with nothing but his underwear! Mom had to go to the police station for him”

“Osomatsu, please…”

Karamatsu felt his cheeks getting red, even though he was still smiling. To him, his brother was just joking around and being himself, but it hurt him seeing his only older brother making him look bad in front of Yuki. The voices in his head told him that he was doing it on purpose, that Osomatsu hated him and he just wanted to snatch Yuki away for himself. Karamatsu needed all his willpower to not let the situation take the best out of him. The whole ordeal was kind of difficult, especially because during the next hour Osomatsu kept making comments like that, talking about every time he scared Karamatsu and made him fall into a river, about his bad luck and other embarrassing situations. His brothers were trying to lighten the mood and make Osomatsu shut up, but the eldest kept going no matter what they did. He even dared to scare Karamatsu in the hall when he went to grab more juice for everybody, making him drop the jar and get himself and the wooden floor completely wet. Osomatsu smiled brightly, seeing Yuki’s aura getting darker, her eyes getting sharper and her jaw getting stiff because she was clenching her teeth.

Though Karamatsu found the situation embarrassing and hurtful, Osomatsu was not aiming at his younger brother. Everything he did was done with the sole purpose of making Yuki angry. He needed her to explode, he wanted her to show her worst side so he could bring the mitten knife thing up, so that witch would stop messing with his brother’s head and give him ideas of leaving. Without realizing it, Osomatsu was also hurting his brother and making the rest of his family angry, even when he only wanted to make the intruder leave. It was selfish and a shitty thing to do, Osomatsu was aware of that. It was not something that he would normally do, because he loved his brothers and he wanted them to find happiness. Normally he would be happy of Karamatsu having a friend, he would try to help him in every way he could to make things go smoothly.

But Yuki was also his rival. She was the one who polished the diamond, the one who helped Karamatsu and the one who showed him a whole new world of possibilities in which he and his brothers were not included. Meeting that person, who was brotherly, talented and hardworking, moved the strings that made Karamatsu change. If that girl was allowed to stay with them she was going to destroy everything. Her and Karamatsu’s influence could make the rest of his brothers change and then they would leave.

And he would end up all alone.

“Yuki-san!” Jyuushimatsu took another cookie and put it inside of the tea Karamatsu made. It was his second cup of tea, as he wanted green tea and black tea but couldn’t have them at the same time. “Can I ask you how do you hide your boobs?”

Choro became as red as a tomato.

“Jyuushimatsu! You can’t ask that to a lady!”

“It’s alright, everybody makes those kind of questions after knowing I am non-binary. It’s common” Yuki answered, making a gesture with her hand to let him know it was not an issue. “The thing is, Jyuushi, that I use a binder. It’s like a contraption or a corset, made to hide female breasts”

“Does it hurt?”

“At first, yes. Especially if you don’t know what you are doing. But some friends thought me the right way to use it, so it’s not so bad now. As long as I don’t use it for too long, of course”

“Ohhhh, thats awesome! It’s good that now people has a lot of stuff to be how they want to be”

Yukina smiled, petting Jyuushimatsu’s head.

“Yes, it is. And it’s very important for us… I am glad that you are so open minded, I’ve received the weirdest looks… There was this time when I went to a beauty store while dressed like a guy to help a friend and every person in there seemed like they were going to take a picture of me or something”

“Maybe that was because you are pretty” Totty said, taking photos of the cookies in front of him. He selected some cookies that he considered cute and made a line of them on the table so he could take perfect photos. “People can be really jealous”

Yuki shook her head and looked straight at Choromatsu.

“No, I think it was because they thought I was a perverted dude or a otaku. It happened the same to you today, right Choromatsu?”

The green NEET spat his drink. He was a muttering, blushing mess thinking in two hundred and fifty excuses and stories he could say to hide the fact he was buying make up for crossdressing at the same time he squeezed his brains out to remember if he or anybody else knew his secret and told her. Then it hit him, hard and fast. He was able to remember those yellow locks, the green eyes but he was unable to relate that to the Yuki he knew because he had only seen the “male” Yuki, not the “female Yuki”. Now that he looked at her properly was able to see that Yuki was the same girl that helped him that morning.

Todomatsu gave him a wide grin.

“Ohhh? What were you doing buying make up?”

Choro swallowed hard, blushing one time after the other. He was so worked up that he could not find a proper excuse. He only looked at Yuki, the one who caused all that, and she suddenly blinked like she noticed that something went wrong.

“Oh, it’s just that I found Choromatsu in the beauty store and he seemed like he needed help. He didn’t recognized me, though. I didn’t say anything because it was fun… I am sorry, Choromatsu” She said, apologetic. “I didn’t know it was a surprise!”

Ichimatsu looked at his brother and their visitor, over and over.

“Surprise, what a surprise?”

Choromatsu was not even able to answer, because Yuki leaned forward with a kind smile.

“Oh, he told me he was buying creams and perfume for your mother. Isn’t that sweet? I am sorry, Choromatsu, I didn’t know it was a surprise.

The other quickly started to complain because now they would have to buy a gift for their mother too. But Choromatsu could only look at his brother’s friend face, wondering why she lied to his brothers. Choromatsu remembered telling her something about a girlfriend, not his mother and that made a lot of questions pop out in his mind. Was she covering for him? Why? When did she realized that he was lying? She knew all that time? Did she know his embarrassing secret? Yuki lifted her eyebrows, as she realized that he was looking at her and she only smiled and winked an eye at him.

He felt his face burning.

“W-why didn’t you tell me that it was you?!” he exclaimed, losing his composure.

“Because I wanted to see if you recognized me. But you didn’t”

Choromatsu was about to say something, maybe even scold her for playing with him like that, but he was unable to, as Karamatsu leaned to grab one of the last cookies inside the plate and he was able to see Osomatsu’s face change. Karamatsu ate his cookie with a delighted expression, praising his friend for her baking skills, completely ignoring the fact that Choromatsu was talking. But that was not the problem. The problem was that Osomatsu smiled in a devilish way and Choromatsu was not fast enough to say something, anything that could interrupt his eldest brother.

“Mmh, you really get along, huh?” Osomatsu said, grabbing a cookie that Karamatsu wanted to grab himself. The second Matsu paid no mind to it and just took other.

“Yes, we do, Brother. This is a warm and fulfilling friend…”

“I mean, how could you not get along? You look exactly like the kind of girls you can see on Karamatsu´s porn collection!”

They all screamed internally. Karamatsu became tense, as his cheeks flushed in different shades of red. Yuki was just there, her eyes kind of wide at Osomatsu’s words while the other Matsuno’s screeched in their minds and looked at the second oldest, who was almost trembling. They could not believe that Osomatsu went that far, humiliating Karamatsu to the point of no return. And how Karamatsu was able not to punch their eldest brother right on the nose was a mystery to them, as it was obvious that he was about to cry from embarrassment.

Yuki frowned.

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, we are all virgin Neets, I wouldn't be able to be with a girl and not doing anything. Are you sure that he didn’t tried to get into your pants? I mean, Karamatsu jacks off like five times a day and the girls in his AVS are a lot like you! Maybe he is onto something?”

Osomatsu was laughing, smiling, winking an eye in his playful way. He knew he was doing something horrible to his younger brother, but he needed to get rid of that person before the infestation spread and nothing could be done. His brothers were uncomfortable, biting their lips and fidgeting, probably wondering what could they do. But none of them had to do a single thing, not even Karamatsu, because his friend leaned forward and touched gently his hand.

“Karamatsu, would you be so kind to bring me another cup of tea, please? Maybe green? If it is not too much to ask?”

Karamatsu was barely hanging on. He was convinced that his eldest brother’s display disgusted his friend and that she would never be able to touch him again. But it didn’t and she was now talking to him with her sweetest voice and her lovely smile. He couldn’t control himself and got up so quick that he got dizzy.

“Of course! Dearest Yuki deserves the best! I’ll be back in a flash”

“Oh, you don’t need to hurry, dear”

Karamatsu felt his chest warming up. Nothing his brother said could damage him as long as he had his adorable friend next to him. He went to the kitchen to make the tea and the room then became silent, the only noise heard was Yuki cracking one of the cookies with her teeth. Everybody was tense and did not know what to do. Even Jyuushimatsu was speechless.

“Hum…” Todomatsu tried to play with his phone to get rid of the tension. “Y-your cookies are delicious, Yuki-san! What did you put in them? They are so moist…”

“Oh, thank you, Todomatsu” she said, taking a cookie with a human shape and said, all while biting the head. “I was afraid you could taste the cyanide”

They all stopped eating for a second and looked at their cookies, before laughing awkwardly.

“T-that was a good joke”

“Indeed” Yuki nodded. “But not as good as the jokes Osomatsu has been pulling during the whole day, am I right?”

Osomatsu tensed his back and snickered.

“What can I say? It is my job as the older brother to make my brothers life miserable”

“I am an older sister too. And no, humiliating your family it’s not your job. But what would you know about a job? You are a twenty five years old NEET. There’s no way you can tell the difference between doing a job and being a dick”

Osomatsu clenched his fists, looking straight at her. She was practically challenging him with piercing eyes. An older brother against an older sister, measuring each other to find a weakness. The rest of the Matsunos watched as Yuki and Osomatsu’s auras were flooding from their bodies, getting thicker and darker while filling the room. Ichimatsu hissed, protecting his cats at the time that Todomatsu hugged Choromatsu and Jyuushimatsu, trembling. Jyuushi and Ichi, on the other hand, were just looking at the whole display.

“Wow…” Choromatsu wanted to get up and scold Osomatsu for being rude and mean with Karamatsu and his friend. But he couldn’t. “What… What is this dark presence, what is even going on?”

“It’s their ‘big sibling aura’!” Todomatsu cried, hugging him tightly. “They are fighting! Why didn’t Karamatsu tell us that she was an older sister too?!”

Ichimatsu clacked his tongue.

“It’s more like they are fighting to see who is the alpha”

But Jyuushimatsu was just looking at the whole display, with his serious expression, covering himself behind the kotatsu like a kid.

“Osomatsu is strong, he has never lost… This is not good”

“We should stop, this. Yuki is going to lose”

Choromatsu was about to get up, but Jyuushimatsu grabbed his hand, shaking his head. Osomatsu, who could not hear his brothers because he was focused on Yuki, smiled widely.

“Ahh, a cute babe like you shouldn’t say things like that. I know that being a weirdo can make you angry but you don’t have to take it out on me”

Yuki smiled, kindly, resting her hands over her knees. And then the whole room became dark as her eyes changed, going from kind and sweet to piercing and dark. Osomatsu felt the denseness of her aura surrounding him, crushing his body. For some reason he could see an enormous tiger behind her, made wholly from her aura. It was bigger than his, bigger than any of Ichimatsu’s tiger friends, bigger than anything he has seen before.

“I don’t care if you talk shit about me” she said, her voice sounding fierce, threatening. Yuki climbed over the kotatsu with half of her body, taking advantage of Osomatsu’s immobility to grab him by his hoodie and pull him closer. “But if I ever see you or any of your brothers mistreating Karamatsu and talking shit about him, I am going to fuck your life so bad that you’ll have to go to the North Pole to run away from it. I am going to take your eyes out, I am going to make everybody hate you and you’ll end up dying alone with just a can of beer next to you”

“Huh…”

“Don’t fuck with me, boy. You have no idea who are you messing with. I’ll destroy you. So you better behave… ‘Cause I can be your best friend if you do good. But mess with Karaboy or any of my other friends and I’ll make sure you end up six feet under”

The door was suddenly slid open and Karamatsu went in.

“Here’s tea, beloved Yuki!”

Karamatsu had a wide and shining smile. When he came into the room he felt the air kind of heavy and weird, as his brothers were stiff in their place, a little pale. Yuki was in her spot, eating a cookie and Osomatsu was at the other side of the room with his face on the ground and his butt on the air. It almost looked like he had smoke coming out of his body, like he was burnt or somebody hit him really hard. Karamatsu thought about asking, but his friend called him.

“Ah, Kara! You brought the tea, thank you. Does it have sugar?”

“Four spoons, as you like”

“Yay, thank you! You are so nice to me”

She took her cup of tea and drank a bit, giving her most beautiful and endearing smile to Karamatsu, who responded the same way. Between them, the air was pacific and kind of tender. Both of them kept talking about a few things, Osomatsu and the rest contemplated the whole thing as their foreigner guest acted like nothing happened, giving the last cookies to Karamatsu all while drinking her tea and laughing.

Choromatsu, Todomatsu, and Ichimatsu looked at each other and nodded. They had no choice, she was too good. They had to join her, because they were convinced there was no way they could defeat her. Not that they wanted a confrontation with her anyway, they all believed that, despite her threatening nature, Yuki was cool person and Karamatsu was happy with her. Osomatsu was the one who pushed her buttons and made her angry, it was not her fault. She just responded. So in the end they stopped being afraid and they just joined the conversation like they normally would. Osomatsu on the other hand was about to explode. He could not believe that she defeated him so easily. How could that girl dare to threaten him, talking like she loved Karamatsu more than him, was a something he could not grasp.

He stayed quiet for a moment, looking at how everybody started to get along. But being who he was, Osomatsu was not able to stay put and sat next to Karamatsu, taking advantage that Yuki was talking to Ichimatsu and Choromatsu.

“Dude, we need to talk”

Karamatsu looked at him, as dumbfounded as always.

“About what, brother?”

Osomatsu hardened his jaw.

“About her. She… She’s no good, Karamatsu. She is weird!”

Karamatsu felt his heart pounding harder. He frowned, ready to defend his friend, but before making a scene he decided to listen to his brother first.

“What do you mean?”

“She… She is dangerous!” Osomatsu exclaimed, wanting him to realize that his friend was going to destroy their peaceful world. “She just threatened to put me six feet under!”

Osomatsu hoped to make him see, to open his eyes, But Karamatsu only widened his eyes for a second, looked at his friend, and started laughing. There she was, laughing her ass off to a video she was watching on Todomatsu’s phone, while dancing like Nyaachan much to Choromatsu’s  desperation . Jyuushimatsu was dancing with her too, moving their hands in the air like they were cat paws. When she realized Karamatsu was looking at her, she smiled at him and went closer, giving him a hug.

“Karamatsu!” she exclaimed, pressing herself against him. “ _ I toui fratelli sono cosi divertente _ ”

Karamatsu gasped, his eyes gleaming, and hugged her back.

“You’re talking in Italian! It’s so cute when you do that… Again, again!”

The red Matsuno growled and got up, leaving the room. There was no way he could defeat her, she was too good. So now he needed to use heavy ammunition. That's why he stomped his way right through the kitchen, where his parents were drinking tea and making dinner.

“Mom!” he said, smiling widely. “Guess what? Karamatsu brought a girl to the house!”

His grin became wider when he saw his mother dropping the spoon she was holding.

This was war.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back, yay! I have already finished the next chapter, so as soon as my lovely beta reader gives me thumbs up, I'll upload it.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like the story so far. Leave a comment and suscribe :3 My muses feed on your comments, never forget that ;P
> 
> Thanks for your support!


	14. Next King Arthur

Karamatsu wanted the earth to open up and swallow him. For some reason, his mother came into the living room at full speed and as soon as she saw Yuki she called their father, screaming at the top of her lungs, so he could come and see with his very own eyes that it was truth.  Karamatsu actually got a girl into their home. Now, after a lot of screaming, and some high-pitched noises, his parents were trying to look normal.  They were all sitting together around the kotatsu.  It was very uncomfortable for him, especially because his parents could not stop smiling and telling him that it was about time he got himself a cute girl. He could see his brothers trying to hold their laughter as their parents started with the interrogation.

At least now he knew how they were going to react the day he got himself a girlfriend.

“So…” Matsuyo was smiling, she looked so pleased that she was about to melt. “Your name is Yuki, right? How old are you again, dearie?”

Yuki smiled, as politely as she could.

“Yes. It is a pleasure to meet you all. It… It may not be much, but I brought you a cake for dessert. It’s a tradition in my country to make something sweet for the host when you are invited for dinner, so I hope you really like it… And… I’ll be twenty in two months”

“Oh, my! did you hear that, dear? She brought us a cake! Isn’t she adorable?”

“Yes, very polite” Matsuzo said, smiling as much as his wife. “As polite as beautiful, that is. You are foreigner, right? Could you tell us where are you from?”

“But dear! It is obvious she is foreigner! I mean, look at those hips! Wide and round, perfect to have children I must say”

Karamatsu made a pained sound, while his brothers tried their best not to laugh their asses off. Yuki, on the other hand, looked kind of perplexed but she ended up smiling anyway, much to Osomatsu’s disgust. He wanted the situation to be even more uncomfortable for her, but she just smiled. It was unnerving for him.

“Mother, please!” Karamatsu pleaded, too embarrassed to look at his friend in the eye.

“What? It’s the truth! Anyway, sweety, where are you from?”

“I am from Italy. From a town of Sicily, to be more precise. I came here when I was twelve, with my father and brothers”

“How brave! You have a lovely accent, by the way. I always thought that foreigners would never be able to grasp our language and they would always sound weird, but that’s not actually the case with you. And such pretty eyes…”

“Thank you, Ma’am”

It was awkward. Karamatsu wanted to throw himself in a pit and never get out. Matsuyo and Matsuzo were there, talking about how cute Yuki was, about her homeland, about how nice it was that he finally got himself a girl. They were acting like Yuki and him were a couple about to get married or something like that and there was no way he could stop them.

“So, Yuki. We are about to eat fried rice and meatloaf for dinner. Is that okay with you?”

“Of course! I can’t wait to try it, Karamatsu is always talking about your marvelous food!”

Matsuyo smiled widely, leaving compliments for their guest as she went to the kitchen. Then the rest of the sextuplets laughed, getting closer to Yuki.

“Sorry for that, our mom is eager to have grandchildren” Chortomatsu said, attempting to comfort her even when he was trying not to laugh.

“Well… I can’t say I blame her. I mean, she must be really worried that she’ll never have a grandchild”

Totty pouted.

“The heck that’s supposed to mean!?”

“Nothing….”

But Matsuzo laughed wholeheartedly.

“Well, the lady is right, Totty! Parents always worry for their children, especially if they are… Like you”

“Dad!”

This time, Yuki laughed and Karamatsu felt a little more at ease. After all, the last thing he wanted was for his parents to scare away his best friend, but fortunately it seemed like Yukina did not mind at all about the whole situation.

“Sorry about this, Yuki” He whispered to her, while his brothers were nagging at their father for what he said. “It must be uncomfortable for you…”

“I find it quite fun, actually. So don't worry.”

Matsuyo came back with the plates, and the rest of the NEETs got up to accommodate everything on the table as she went back to the kitchen to bring the food. Everybody was noisy, as they felt comfortable enough to start a fight about the tiniest thing, bother each other and make puns, even if their father scolded them for being disrespectful to their new guest. Yuki always ended up laughing and dismissing everything as, in her own words, she found it fun and it reminded him of her meals with her family back in Italy.  When their mother came back with the food she served her husband, herself and then the guest first, followed by Karamatsu and then the rest of the brothers. They all started eating without any problem, but Yuki took the time to compliment Matsuyo for her cooking and the lady’s eyes started to glow with pleasure.

“It’s been years since any of these losers has complimented my food! Here, dearie, have more. Eat all you want!”

And Yuki ate, not complaining at all.

Osomatsu ate in silence, thinking about a way to make things worse for Yu. No matter what his mother said, she just laughed or smiled, like nothing bothered her. A normal girl would’ve ran away at the very first moment. He could hear his father asking questions too.

“So, what do you do for a living?”

“Oh, I work part-time in a café and also as a model. And go to college, too”

He heard Matsuyo choking and Matsuzo leaving his chopsticks in his plate.

“What? You have two jobs? Two?”

“Yes, sir. I have to pay for my apartment and school”

Her voice sounded surprised, but not as much as the elderly couple voices. They had never met somebody with two jobs and a career before.

“You live alone? All by yourself?”

“Yes? I don’t have any family in this country, only my friends. So I live on my own. I do go to visit my family in Italy every now and then but it’s kind of expensive, so…”

Karamatsu could see his parents faces, completely shocked, and then how they looked at every one of the sextuplets like telling them: ‘See? You can move out, it’s normal”. The rest seemed to feel uncomfortable, especially when Matsuyo started asking her if she did everything on her own, how Yuki coped with studies and work and things like that. Every time she answered it was like a stab for the sextuplets, as their parents’ eyes were gleaming like they were looking at a living miracle while, every time they looked back at their sons, they frowned. Karamatsu did not mind, as he had a job now and wanted to save enough money to move out eventually, but it was obvious that his brothers were getting self-conscious.

In his opinion, maybe they needed that.

“Listen to that, honey!” their father exclaimed, still having dinner. “Did you hear it? Two jobs and studying! It’s incredible, isn't, it?”

“It is. All alone in a different country and still doing so much. Not one job, but two! That is indeed amazing. And you losers can’t even find one!”

“Sorry mom…” They all said, but Karamatsu lifted his hand.

“Actually… I do have a job”

“WHAT?!”

He backed out a little, as his parents hit the table in surprise.

“Uh… I was afraid to tell you because I didn’t know how you would take it, but… I… I have a part-time job. I work as a performer in a bar. Yuki helped me to get that job. If she did not help me to get better at playing and singing and encourage me to apply for that offer, I would probably still be unemployed. I… I know it is not the best job, but…”

“Are you kidding?!” his mother was almost screaming, she got up and hugged Karamatsu for a second. “You got a job! I am so proud of you! Why didn’t you tell us before? Oh my, now I get it! That’s why you’ve been buying all that food for us and rejecting my allowance. And the new clothes! I am so used at you being NEETs that the thought of you having a job did not crossed my mind”

Then she turned to Yuki, hugging her too.

“Thank you! Thank you, thank you! You got one of my lazy-ass sons to work! Are you two getting married? Please, tell me you are” then she looked at the others with piercing eyes. “See? You should follow their example! How is it possible you are still NEETs when Karamatsu has a job already?”

Karamatsu blushed and scratched the back of his head, while Yuki just smiled still in Matsuyo’s arms. Todomatsu, Choromatsu, Ichimatsu and Jyuushimatsu just looked at the ground, feeling guilty. Their brother and his friend were making them look bad, but they had no room to complain. After all they were only five years away from their thirties. It was indeed time for them to try and live alone, have a job, become full adults, no matter how scary that could be. Yuki kept talking about her jobs and Karamatsu also talked about his own job and the friends he made there, of course, he did not tell his parents that he was working in a gay bar… Just in case. He made sure to reassure his brothers that they would find soon something that they would like and make a living out of it, so they wouldn’t feel bad.

“I think Jyuushimatsu would be a great baseball trainer” Yuki said, eating her third plate. “You have a lot of energy and make baseball sound very fun and interesting. I knew nothing of it and now I can remember the rules and enjoy it when my friend and I watch it on TV.”

“Yaaay! Muscle-Muscle, Hustle-Hustle!”

“But I still prefer football”

Jyuushi left his head fall to the side, a little depressed because he was still not able to spread his love for baseball to the world. But he started to think that if he became a trainer then he would be able to spread the love for baseball. And it would be even better if he trained young children, who would have fun and love the sport. The idea started to form in his mind and, with every minute, it became even more plausible. He had now something new to do.

On the other hand, dinner was finished. So Matsuzo went to the kitchen to make some green tea and bring the cake that their guest brought for them. Karamatsu was quite happy at how everything turned out, even if it was uncomfortable and awkward at first with his mother praising Yuki for her wide hips and asking them if they were going to get married. His family was happy that he had a job, his friend seemed to get along with his brothers and everybody acted kind of normal. 

Nobody was ‘rising’, there was no army of cats ready to shred anybody apart, no one shrunk in tiny versions of himself and nobody got murdered so the night was actually a success. They were all eating strawberry shortcake, giving compliments to the baker, and it seemed that everything was going to end well.

“This is delicious!” Totty exclaimed, eating his piece of cake like it was melting his lips because it was really, utterly good.

“You are amazing, not even the cakes in Sutaaba are so moist and light.  How do you do it?”

“Well…” Yuki ate a piece of strawberry and took a moment to chew and swallow before answering. “That’s because even if the place has really good treats they sell they normally use a lot of preservatives that change the taste or consistency of the food. Sometimes they replace essential ingredients with cheaper versions… Like butter with margarine or oil. It’s not the same”

“We should try to make this one, here at home. I would love to learn how to bake, especially from such a cute teacher like you!” Totty did not miss the opportunity to be flirty and cute, but Yuki only responded smiling at him, telling him that it was alright and that she did not mind to teach him, as she did the same for Karamatsu. “Awww, thank you! You are so nice, Yuki-san”

“My dear Yuki can make the most exquisite sweet treats” Karamatsu puffed his chest, feeling proud of his friend skills. “I do try to learn but it seems that I don’t have a good hand for baking”

“It’s just practice, Karamatsu. You’ll get the hang of it soon enough. Once you know the recipes and get good at them, then it starts the best: Experimentation! Change things to see what would happen! “she said, smiling with beaming eyes.  “You never know how much of a difference makes a little bit of nutmeg or some cinnamon”

Matsuyo chuckled, finishing her piece of cake.

“She is right, I used to do the same thing as soon as I mastered my mother’s recipes. Your mother must be really proud of you. I know I would be if I had a daughter who could bake like this!”

Yuki stopped in her tracks and Karamatsu looked at her, apologetic. His family didn’t know that Yuki’s mother was dead, but he couldn’t stop himself of feeling kinda bad for his friend. She coughed and, looking a little bit awkward, spoke up .

“She probably would’ve… Maybe. But she died some years ago”

Matsuyo immediately covered her mouth with both of her hands, a guilty expression on her face. Every member of the family looked at their guest, not knowing what to say after that confession. Yuki just smiled, trying to calm them down. She assured them that it was okay and she had no problem talking about it, even though Matsuyo could not stop apologising.

“I am terribly, terribly sorry”

“It is alright, Ms. Matsuno, you didn’t know. It’s been eight years”

“But… But still…”

Karamatsu shook his head, smiling to his poor mother who was barely standing the shame.

“Mother, please, relax. You didn’t do anything wrong. Yuki already told you she is fine with it, so don’t worry. She is not the kind of girl to be dramatic.”

Yuki rolled her eyes.

“Unlike someone I know.”

“What are you trying to say, dearest friend? That I am overly dramatic? Because I hereby protest! A cool man is never, ever, overly dramatic! I am just perfect.”

Yuki, whose mouth was twitching a bit in what apparently was an effort to not to laugh, turned back to Matsuyo.

“Does he stop to sleep? Please, tell me he stops to sleep”

And Karamatsu’s mother just sighed.

“See what I have been dealing with for so long? Maybe they can change if they date a good girl like you. C’mon, sweetie. Date them, any of them. You can date them all at the same time if it fixes them”

Choromatsu blushed profusely, looking at Matsuyo as she was just offering them as a tribute or something.

“Mom, please! D-don’t say such embarrassing things!”

But Yuki just stopped, frowning as she was thinking hard about it.

“Isn’t that illegal? Even if it wasn’t I don’t think they would like to share”

“Oh, not you too please…”

Everybody in the room laughed, even Osomatsu who stopped being grumpy for a second. Ichimatsu petted his cats, who were both at his lap. Suzu tried to eat a little bit of cake but he always made sure none of the felines could reach the dessert, no matter how much he loved them, he could not let them eat something so sugary. It could make them sick and he did not had money for the vet.

“Mh… It must’ve been hard, losing your mom” he said, talking slowly and in a low voice, as he always did. He tried to be empathetic to the girl, even though he had no idea about how it felt to lose a person as important in his life as his mother was. And even if he lost his mother, he had his dad and his brothers. “ At least… You had the rest of your family there with you”

“Indeed. I won’t say it was easy, I was almost twelve when it happened. But mom was really sick and her body couldn’t handle it, so I knew it was for the best for her. My brothers could not understand it, but… She was too tired and her body was not responding well, so… It was doomed to happen. But our family in Italy is big and united, so everybody was there for us. Everybody cried and grieved and kept us company. It gave us strength”

Totty sighed, trying to imagine that.

“It sounds horrible and, yet, a little endearing. But I think I get it… It something like that happened to us, God never want it of course, but if it did happened we would have each other to hold on to. It helps somehow”

Yuki nodded, as she finished her piece of cake and left the plate, signaling she was not going to eat anymore. Karamatsu did the same, because he had to take care of his figure. Jyuushimatsu and Ichimatsu served themselves another piece, though Jyuushi ate it almost in an instant. Choromatsu also served himself a piece, after asking to his parents if any of them wanted some more. He asked to his eldest brother, but he seemed to be in his own world of grumpiness, to the point he had not even touched his first slice of cake. Choromatsu grunted and ignored his eldest, taking away his piece of cake and giving it to Totty, who was about to serve himself some more. The youngest accepted the gift without thinking twice.

“So! Your dad took care of you and then moved here?” Choro asked, taking a bite of his cake. “He must be really proud of you for doing so much on your own. Was he okay with you going to Sekirotawa or he was against it because of the rumours?”

“Hum…”

For some reason, his question made Yuki a little awkward. Or, at least, that was the impression Choromatsu had, because she fidgeted a little and caressed her own forearm with her opposite hand, all while Karamatsu looked at her with concerned eyes. In the end, she turned to Karamatsu and they seemed to be communicating through their eyes or with facial gestures, because he nodded and then she seemed a little bit relieved.

“Actually… He didn’t. After we came to Japan he… Well… He disowned me. I am not even allowed to use his surname and his whole family hates me”

Silence came into the room as those words sunk in. Totty took his hand really slow to cover his mouth, Choromatsu’s eyes widened and his lips were trembling. Ichi hugged his cats and Jyushi was now using his serious expression, while their parents were moving their mouths as they were lost of words.  
 

“That’s…” Matsuyo spoke, squeezing her fists. “That’s terrible. What kind of father could do that to his own child! I… I am so sorry, Yuki. Terribly sorry. I can’t believe…”

“That kind of people should not be parents” Matsuzo said and his voice sound stern, as he was trying to cope with anger or sadness. It could be a mix of the two. Choromatsu nodded, feeling like crap for making her say those things and remember about her family, but Yuki just shook her head.

“Please, don’t feel bad. I know it sounds bad… Well, yes, it was bad. But that is in the past. I may have been disowned by him, but my family back in Italy still loves me and takes care of me in their own way. I have my friends, my career. I am good now.”

Karamatsu nodded, putting his hand over Yuki’s shoulder.

“That’s right. Yuki had a rough time, she spent some years on the streets working at a young age to prosper. That inspired me. It made me realize how fortunate we are for having parents like you, for having a home and a family to support us. That’s the reason I’ve been trying so much to improve myself. I mean, you have been so good to us, still standing our tantrums and helping us when you could’ve kicked us out for being lazy bastards.” He was looking at his parents, hoping that he could make them see how grateful he was that they were how they were, that they still loved their sextuplets even though they were useless NEETS. “Please, dad, don’t make that face. We know we are in fact lazy bastards”

Ichimatsu snickered.

“That we are”

“The point is… That I see now how much we have abused of your love. You deserve an easier life now. To rest and go out more, to use your money the way you want and go on vacation. I mean, you two raised six troublesome kids on your own and you still have to deal with us, when Yuki’s dad threw her out for a stupid reason and made her life miserable at a young age. We had it easy. Now it’s our turn to give you at least a little bit of what you have given us... That’s why I try to help at home and refuse your money. And I am going to bring more money to the house, so you don’t have to worry”

“Oh, son…” Matsuyo was almost tearing, completely moved by his son’s words. 

“You don’t have to. You know we don’t think of you all as 'lazy bastards' even if sometimes we complain”

The rest, on the other hand, stayed quiet for a moment, looking straight at their parents. For the first time ever, they were able to notice the wrinkles they had, how small they were getting compared to them. Their mother could have a no nonsense attitude and yet, she was little and fragile. She was getting older, as much was their father, and they still had to put up with six useless sons that were unable to move out and live on their own.

“Aaah, mother, it’s all right. We know we are. That’s why I got a job! And I’ll get another one as soon as I can! I mean… Sometimes I have trouble to be with a lot of people, but as soon as I get better I will do it. I want to pay you some nice vacations. And maybe fix a little this house, I think it’s falling apart”

“He is right about that” Choromatsu said. He was also gaining money, though he did not want to talk about it yet. “I… I have an interview for a job, too. At… a bar. It’s not much but if I start to gain some money we could use a part to fix the roof”

“Well, I can actually ask for a raise in Sutaaba. I’ve been rejecting it because it meant dealing with more responsibilities, but…” Todomatsu pondered, while starting to look in his phone for prices of different kinds of furniture and appliances. “If I put in some money too, we could paint the house and maybe buy a new oven. Mom, you’ve always been complaining about our oven. And install a new electric system, the one we have it’s so old that we could be fined for safety violations.”

Osomatsu watched in awe as how this mad infection spread across its brothers and his parents were delighted by it. Now they were making plans to work, earn more money and fix everything for their parents, even get a savings account at a bank or a deposit… He stopped listening when even Ichimatsu started to bring ideas of what they could do, as he was also starting to think that he could try and bring money too.

“I can’t still get a proper job but… I’ve been offered to take care of some cats in a shelter. It’s voluntary but if I can make it there, then I can go to a cat café and work there. Even if there’s people in it”

Osomatsu swallowed hard, decided to make a move even if it was a dick move.

“So, Yuki. What did you do to make your father hate you to the point to throw you out? Did he catch you in a compromised position with a guy? Maybe he found pot in your room!”

The girl just looked at him like he was an idiot, even had the nerve to arch her brow.

“No, but I don’t think that any of those reasons justify throwing a young teenager out onto the streets. I mean, I was fourteen years old, I could’ve ended up dead”

“Aaah, really? But c’mon, what did you do? It must’ve been something really serious. C’mon, spill the beans….”

Karamatsu frowned at his brother for being such a disrespectful asshole, but he decided not to make a scene in front of his parents.

“Osomatsu, I don’t think you should ask…”

“It’s okay, Karamatsu. If I am your friend and I am going to come here very, very often” she looked straight at Osomatsu while saying those words and the red Matsuno frowned. “He is going to find out anyway. The thing is, Osomatsu, I refused to marry with one of my cousins, who was at the time almost twenty years older than me. In my father’s family, only the first born and his first borns are allowed to control the company they have, with all the power and money that comes with it, as long as they are all male. My father’s first child was a woman. In those cases, the control goes to the first born of any of my father’s siblings. In order not to lose the company, my father had to marry me with somebody within the family so the surname was still the same and made my future husband his puppet in exchange of money. At least until I had my first son… The idea was using me as an incubator while my dad and my third cousin ruled the company. They also did not want me to study, as I had to be a ‘proper wife’. So… I said no and he threw me out. Probably hoping I died”

Osomatsu had no way to answer to that. He was not able to think of a comeback or a way to insult her, not when she just had told him something really disturbing. He swallowed hard, still not responding, when Jyuushi played with his own sleeves and said something, filling the silence in the living room.

“Hum… But… Why? Why would he hope that you… you….?”

“Died?” The way she said it like it was normal made a chill come down the Matsuno’s back. “Because if I am dead, then my young brother can have the company. After all, without me, he is the eldest”

“That’s too much….” Todomatsu mumbled, thinking he would do in her position. “But… You have family in Italy, right? They came back for you?”

Yuki scratched the back of her head.

“They couldn’t. My father is a powerful man. I don’t know how, but he did something so my family can’t come here. Something legal. If any of them comes to this country, they can go in jail for crimes they didn’t commit. It’s not that difficult to make someone take the blame of other people’s actions. I was not even able to reach them for a year. God bless Skype and cyber cafes”

They added it up in their minds. If she was unable to reach them for a year and nobody took care of her, that meant that she had to spend a whole year on her own, in the streets. Ichimatsu was barely able to stand it on it’s own for a little while and he was a grown up adult, not a child.

“That… Must’ve been….” Not even he knew what to say.

“Hell?” Yuki answered and Ichimatsu nodded. “It was, but really. I am fine now.”

“But how did you make it? It’s hard. I tried it once and….”

“Yeah, it certainly isn’t as the series and manga try to make it look like. It’s hard. I was lucky, I made a group of friends with other kids who were in the same situation as me. We had it rough, but being together made it easier. Also, I started to work in almost everything I could. I cleaned streets, babysat, sold things in the street, I was a waitress and sang in the park too. You’ve gotta be creative to get some money. That or you end up in a gang or worse. You probably were on the good side of the city. If you’ve been in my side, then you probably wouldn’t made it out. It’s filled with gangs”

“Dear god…”

“Now, don’t worry about that. You are here with your family and I am here, with my own place, and a lot of friends and my family even if they are far away. So everything’s good now, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I think you are right. If you were able to make something out of yourself after all that, then… Probably we can too, even if we are trash”

“That’s the spirit, Ichimatsu!”

The infection was spreading. As the whole family started to chat, to laugh, and the serious vibe in the air melted down, Osomatsu saw his own brothers asking questions about how she made it to get a job so young, how could they improve in that aspect and His parents were also congratulating her for becoming “such a fine lady” and “fixing his second son”, all while he was boiling inside. There was a lot of mixed feelings inside his mind that he was not even able to describe them, much less know how to deal with them. He was selfish, he did not like things changing, but he was also jealous and angry while, at the same time, he was actually pretty aware of how messed up he was. Everything was changing, his world was being destroyed and yet he was sure that this person who was there, making his brother’s life better, was actually nice. So how he was able to still being angry with her was something he could not grasp.

But Osomatsu couldn’t control it, so he clenched his teeth and opened his mouth.

“So… You were on the streets, huh? I’ve been thinking about doing the same someday. You must know where are the safest places to sleep, right?”

The nice chatting was cut down. As it always happened when Osomatsu had one of his stupid tantrums, nobody knew how to react. The air was filled with the same bad vibes as that time when Choromatsu moved out and nobody knew what to do. Karamatsu on the other hand, wanted to punch his oldest right in the face. He could tell that Osomatsu was angry, that something was wrong with him even when he could not see what was the actual problem. But he was taking out his anger in Yuki for some reason and, no matter how much he loved his brother, he could not let him hurt anybody like that. Though Yuki seemed unimpressed by Osomatsu's antics

“You really wanna know, Osomatsu?”

Yes, please, enlighten me with your knowledge” he answered, giving her a smug smile. She just ignored it, but he knew that he was bothering her.

“Well, if you must really know, you should sleep on a tall tree, tied up to a strong and thick branch” The red Matsuno looked at her completely perplexed, trying to figure out why that was a good choice for sleeping, and she just sighed in response. “That way nobody can assault you while you sleep. Nor touch you. Nor take your stuff or attack you. Homeless people are objects of a lot of violence, Osomatsu”

“Really, so you had to eat from the garbage and sleep on trees? Did you do drugs? Oh… Maybe you made those cookies we ate with things you found in a trash can! That’s why they tasted so weird. I heard that people on the streets have to go to special places to grab some food and even bath… Maybe you spent a lot of time without a bath, stinking? I don’t think I would be able to do that. Oh, maybe you were a Ko-gal doing Enjo?!”

Whatever Osomatsu said, Yuki just rebuffed it like it was nothing, but even so Karamatsu was able to see that she was upset. Osomatsu’s expressions became worst at every second until there was a moment in which even his parents were yelling at him for being rude and disrespectful. He tried to defend himself saying that he was just joking and he was trying to be funny, but in the end Yu just let out a long sigh.

“Osomatsu I don’t know why you despise me so much, but I am not the one you are hurting. Yes, I was homeless, I saw a lot of things that nobody should see. You make fun of it because you had it easy.”

Osomatsu just looked at her, resting his face on his palm. The tone of her voice made his chest tighten up a bit, but he did not backed down.

“What do you…?”

“You are a fucking NEET!” she said, her voice getting hoarse. 

“You don’t work, you don’t study, you do nothing besides breathing, eating and shitting because you are sure that mommy and daddy are going to maintain you. But I had to work when I was fourteen! I starved, I had to learn the best ways to avoid being assaulted by older dudes or being stabbed by some drug addict. I had to choose between selling myself or work in whatever I could so I had dinner. I spent weeks, weeks I tell you, eating only one time per day. You only sit on your butt and annoy everybody, I saw my friends going hungry, I saw girls getting on white vans in exchange of food or medicine and never come back, I’ve been in knife fights” 

She closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath while the room became completely silent. They were all looking at her, even Osomatsu, who was being hit by every one of her words.  She was right in everything, as every one of the sextuplets had an easy life. Their parents paid for everything, they didn’t even clean the house, they were never hungry or left unattended. They always had a roof over their heads. Osomatsu swallowed hard, imagining he and his brothers in the streets for a second and wondered if any of them would’ve been able to make it. 

“And I made it out. I worked my ass off to get out! What did you do, huh? When did you have to make a hard choice? When were you in need? I could have been killed and nobody would’ve cared because I was a Jane Doe. So… So…”

She seemed about to break down. Karamatsu, who was beside her, took her hand and squeezed hard. She had told him some stuff before about how it was being homeless so young, but he knew that it was even worse than what she always made it look like. He could see it her eyes whenever she saw a white van, in the way she avoided being touched sometimes, in how she looked scared whenever she woke up and had trouble remembering where she was. His friend tried to be positive, to look forward and she was always there supporting him, only to have his idiotic older brother to criticize her, treating her like she was garbage.

“You can make fun of me for a lot of reasons but, please, don’t do it because of that. Not when there’s a lot of people out there who are so invisible for people like you, who had it all, that they don’t even have their own tombstones”

The eldest Matsuno opened his mouth to say something, even he was unable to think in a proper way to answer. After all, there was nothing he could say to justify himself or to make things better. But even if he found something that would right his wrongs, Karamatsu hit the table with both hands, his face completely distorted by anger.

“Enough!” his voice, rash, mad and hoarse, echoed in the room. He had the vein in his forehead completely swollen and his knuckles became white because of the strong grip of his fists. “I can endure it when you make fun of me. I can take all those puns and jokes. But… Giving my best friend, no, my only friend a hard time… Talking to her like she is some kind of low-class citizen…  Accusing her of being in the Enjo? Who the heck do you think you are, Osomatsu!?”

“I… I just wanted…”

“What?! To despise my friend? To make her feel miserable? She did nothing wrong and you have been attacking her since she came! What is your damned problem?!”

His mother got up and came to him, trying to calm him down. but Karamatsu shrugged her off. He was having a hard time to controlling his anger, that was for sure, but he did not need his mother to help him. At least not yet.

“Mother, please. Go with dad to the kitchen I… I want to fix this with Osomatsu. It’s alright, I won’t do anything bad. The others can stay if it makes you feel better but, please. I don’t want you to see….”

Matsuyo refused, but her husband grabbed her by her hand and told her to go with him, as the boys had to deal with their issues on their own.

“They are grown up men, we have to let them deal with this things alone. I trust you not to do anything rash, boys” and, with that, he lead his wife to the other floor so their sons could argue in peace. The rest of the sextuplets wanted to accompany them but they knew that Karamatsu had trouble dealing with his anger and Osomatsu had a terrible temperament and was too prone to want a fight. So they all stayed to watch over them. Yuki stretched her arm, gently touching Karamatsu’s shoulder.

That soft gesture calmed him down a bit, but his anger was still there.

“Kara, it’s not necessary. I’ll just leave”

“No! If you leave, then he wins! I am not letting this go now. I have left too many things go but this isn’t going to be one. Nobody can hurt my friend like that”

Osomatsu gritted his teeth in pure anger.

“Your friend this, your friend that. You are insufferable! Always talking with her, of her, doing whatever she wants. She has you wrapped around her little finger, like an idiot!”

“What…?”

His brother was insane, there was no other explanation to the amount of nonsense he was puking out.

“She is not good for you, Karamatsu! She just… she just came and snatched you away, she is making you change. Why do you need to change? Why can’t everything be like before? Even though we screwed up, we said we were sorry. Isn’t that enough? She is playing with your head!”

“That’s enough!” Karamatsu screamed stronger, and for the first time ever, the eldest saw himself taking a step back. “You are disrespecting my friend! The only real friend I’ve ever had. Yuki’s been there for me, she helped me. I got better because of her” if his brother wanted to play that game, then Karamatsu knew how to respond. “She is like a sister to me and I want you to respect her”

The mere idea of somebody else besides he and the rest being considered as a part of the family, as a brother (or sister in this case), was unnerving. They were sextuplets, they had a special bond that nobody could understand and Karamatsu was spitting over that.

“A sister?! She? That witch is not a Matsuno, how can you even…? Why?! We are your brothers, not her!”

Totty moved forward and tried to grab Oso by his arm, but he just stretched away, too angry to pay attention to the rest. The others were sad, angry, worn out from the situation. Osomatsu being childish was one thing, but a tantrum this big was something they did not know how to handle and they just wanted it to stop. Karamatsu, on the other hand, just wanted Osomatsu to think, to apologize. He was being an idiot, he ruined their night and he was unable to see it because he was too busy getting worked up by his bad temper.

“Well, she has been a better sister than you for that matter! Than any of you!

Those words made Osomatsu stop in his tracks, they felt like a knife straight to his heart. His whole world trembled under his feet, like there was a earthquake opening the world in half.

“What…?”

“She was there for me. She believed in me. She supported me, talked to me. She… She made me feel better. a few months ago, I could only think about leaving this place to never return but I felt useless. It was like I was just a piece of furniture that could be replaced at any moment and nobody would notice. I hated myself so much. Then Yuki came. She told me I was not useless” he felt Yuki’s grasp on his arm and he used his other hand to caress the hand that was touching him.

“Karamatsu, don’t…”

“Sometimes I thought about disappearing. About… Ending everything. I was convinced that nothing would change if I was gone and I was tired of everything. Even breathing was tiresome. But Yu… Yu said that I was a good guy and that everything would be fine if I tried to be the best version of myself. That I could find something that I liked. Yuki cheered me up while you all got angry at me for trying to be a better person. That witch did more for me in months than you on the last few years”

Osomatsu didn’t know how to respond. His fear and his anger did not let him see that Karamatsu was right, that he was being unreasonable and everything was a huge mess because of him. He was too afraid of his world changing and his brothers leaving him behind to think about that. On top of that, he was not able to shake that feeling that Yu was hiding something terrible by being too nice, as he remembered the knife he found and that memory got mixed in with a very, very horrible memory of a man with a striped suit.

“She… She is a liar. She keeps secrets from you”

“That’s not…”

“She has a knife on her bag. A knuckle knife. A nice person would not have such a thing, right?”

Karamatsu was ready to reply. Every Matsuno had his eyes widened in surprise and fear, turning their heads right at the girl even though Karamatsu puffed up his chest, ready to defend her honour. But before he could do anything, Yuki crossed her arms over her chest and sighed.

“I knew somebody touched my things last time I came here”

“W-what?” Karamatsu’s face got pale, turning to face her. “What do you mean? You… you have…?”

Yuki nodded, took her bag and searched inside it, taking out the knife. Everybody jolted in surprise, even Ichimatsu, who hissed and hugged his cats with all his strength.

“Last time I realized some of my stuff were moved, like somebody searched for something. And this thing had its security bottom removed, which means that someone was tampering with it” Karamatsu was trembling and she must’ve have notice, because Yuki made a grimace and handed him the knife so he could see it. “It’s not like that. It was a gift. A close friend of mine gave it to me and told me it would bring me luck if I took it with me all the time. He… said…  I never take it out from the pocket it’s in”

“But that’s dangerous!” he exclaimed, taking the knife from her hand. “A girl should not have something like this in her purse!”

“Hey, last time I didn’t have it I almost died, okay!” she exclaimed, raising her voice a little. Then she lowered it, looking to the floor. Karamatsu was able to see the doubt, the inner sadness that seemed to flow from her very heart. “He gave it to me before he died. Made me promise I would always have it with me, because this thing would give me luck. I am just keeping a promise”

“Why would you…?”

He saw her face contort with a series of emotions and Karamatsu knew that he could not ask her that. There was fear, sadness, shame, guilt and a lot of grief, all mixed in her eyes. He realized that he had no right to ask her anything and, most importantly, he didn’t actually need to. Everything he needed to know, he already knew it. Whether she carried a knife with her or not, it was not his business and in fact, the more he thought about it, the more sense something like that had. A girl who was alone in the streets for a long time, who had to be careful to not being attacked, would probably carry something to defend herself. Yu probably was not homeless anymore but he knew that there were some demons she could not shake off on her own and that knife, that memento of a very dear friend who was gone, probably helped her. Just like Yuki’s messages did for him when he was down.

“It doesn’t matter” he finally said, making Osomatsu, Yuki and the rest of his brothers look at him. “It’s just a gift from an old friend to you. And even if it wasn't, you don’t have to explain anything, I know you are a good girl… I mean, person! You are a good person! That’s the correct word, right? I am trying to use an inclusive vocabulary”

Karamatsu’s heart raced when he saw her face illuminate. She was now at ease, smiling faintly at him with confidence in her eyes. Her smile was thankful and he could not help to smile back.

“Yes, that’s the right word. Thanks, Karamatsu. I… Am sorry. I understand why your brother thought I was a bad person, carrying that thing with me. And I even threatened him today. I… I shouldn’t have, I am sorry. but he was mistreating you and I lost control”

“Well…” he was not happy about that, as nobody could ever threaten any of his brothers and get out alive, but he understood her reasons. After all, if somebody did to Yu what Osomatsu did to him that night, he probably would’ve done something more drastic than a threat. “I don’t like it, but I understand. Just apologize and don’t do it again, all right??”

Yu nodded, her face a little red because of the embarrassment and then she smiled at him. For some reason, whenever she smiled like that he could not help but to feel warm inside, fuzzy. It was almost the same feeling he had whenever Jyuushimatsu gave him a big, bright smile after listening one of his songs and complimented him because he was getting better. He took her hand and she faced the rest of the Matsuno, bowing deeply.

“I am sorry I threatened you. Honestly, I didn’t mean it. I was just mad because my friend was being attacked but, nevertheless, it was mean. I understand if you can’t forgive me”

The sextuplets looked at each other. Ichimatsu sat down and petted Suzu, as the ESP Kitty was lying on the floor next to him.

“Meh, it’s alright. We always threaten each other anyway”

Todomatsu thought about it for a moment, looking at Jyuushimatsy and Choro. Jyuushi smiled and nodded, recognizing Yu as a trustworthy person. That was actually enough for any of them, as they knew that Jyuushi always had a way to tell when people were nice or not, but it also helped the fact that the girl did nothing to them. Even if she had a very dangerous tool on her bag, she never told anybody about it, never showed it to them and she didn’t even try to threaten them using it. A knife on her bag was weird, yes, but they also had their own weapons with them and nobody seemed to care.  
Besides, that was the person who helped their brother. Not a random unknown gal.

“Well, since you are apologizing and you seem sincere, then I think we have no choice but to accept your apologies, right?”

Todo said, winking an eye at her. “Besides, a pretty girl like you wouldn’t hurt a fly”

She giggled and Todo flushed brightly because of it.

“Thanks, Todomatsu”

“Besides” Choromatsu stretched his arms, already feeling relaxed now that the tension in the air was gone. “You are the one who have been helping Karamatsu. If you wanted to hurt him or any of us, you would’ve done it already. You had a lot of chances”

“Why I would try to hurt you?” the sole idea seemed to make the girl uncomfortable, and the sextuplets ended up laughing.

“What? Hey, I know I threatened you and all that, and yes, I can be very dangerous if you make me angry, but… I have no real motive to want to hurt you. Unless you do something bad, then you will leave me no choice”

“My dear Karamatsu Darling, my brothers may be simple minded inconsiderate brutes, but they would never do anything bad to a beautiful creature like you”

“Who the fuck are you calling simple minded, shittymatsu?!”

Laughter filled the room, as Osomatsu contemplated completely dumbfounded how everything got set back to normal. They were talking like nothing happened, making fun of each other and laughing. some of them even wanted to look at the mitten knife, which Yuki allowed, as long as they were totally careful because it was a sharp knife. For some reason he was not sure about, Choromatsu was asking her about how she found a job when she was homeless, if she had to lie on her resumé. Jyuushimatsu was about to call for their parents and tell them to come down, when Osomatsu felt the little bit of patience he had was about to explode.

“What are you doing, Jyuushimatsu?” he panted, feeling the anger filling up his body, contracting his chest and itching his fists. His younger brother’s innocent expression did not help at all, it was like nobody could tell how he was feeling. Being ignored like that was something he was not used at all.

“Calling for mom and dad, now that everything is settled”

“What the…?”

Then, Karamatsu looked at his oldest brother and got up again, walking towards him with a firm step and a stern look. He did not forget about Osomatsu’s terrible actions against his best friend, an attitude he was not going to tolerate from anybody.

“No, not everything. You said the most disgusting things about my beloved friend, here. Yes, she may have made a mistake by threatening you, but she did it because she cares for me and she already apologized. But you… You have been acting like a fool the whole night”

Yuki, who was looking at something on Todomatsu’s phone before that new confrontations started, scratched the back of her head. She looked as uncomfortable as the rest of the sextuplets.

“Karamatsu, it’s alright. It’s not necessary”

“No” he could not let that go. Osomatsu was always childish, excusing his wrongdoings with his uncontrollable temper, his desire to be spoiled and taken care of, or using the fact that he was the oldest as a means to get away with everything. But Karamatsu was tired of the whole situation. He was not more than any of them. He was born first, but they all had the same age, the ‘big brother’ thing was old. And, on top of that, he had to start growing up and face things like an adult. The rest of his brothers would never be able to grow and mature if they only had that idiot as an example. 

“Osomatsu has to learn that an adult is free to make choices but he also has to deal with the consequences of his choices. And he choose to be a fool the whole night. He accused you of being a Kogal! Not only that, he made everybody feel bad. So it’s your turn to apologies. Now”

Osomatsu gritted his teeth, trembling because of all those feelings burning inside him. It was a mixture too complex to just tell what he was feeling, as not even himself was sure anymore about it. But, as childish as he was, he could not just accept the fact that he was wrong. Not yet, at least. That’s why instead of apologizing like he should, instead of looking at his brother right in the eyes and tell him everything that had been going on inside his mind, he just got up and ran away.  He was unable to convey in words the hurricane that was destroying his head, so his brothers would not be able to understand what was happening. He ran, not looking at anything, not knowing where he was going, just using his whole energy until his heart was pounding hard against his chest and he was almost unable to breath or feel his own legs. Osomatsu was only able to stop running after bumping with some person in the middle of the street. He heard a grunt, felt the pain of hitting right into somebody and then he was shoved off pretty roughly to the side.

“You idiot, watch where you are going!”

A man was in front of him. Big, though he was just using normal jeans and a hoodie. Osomatsu saw scars in his face, some weird pins, and his hair was dyed to the point it looked white. That weird dude was probably in a gang or something like that, but the probability of being in front a dangerous person did not stop him from letting all of his rage transform into a formidable punch that happened to land onto the guy’s face.  Osomatsu felt the anger boiling, the adrenaline pumping his veins as soon as the unknown man fell on his back, right over a giant black motorbike.

Only after hearing the guy’s moanings of complaint he was able to realize what he did. He was there, standing like a fool, with his right knuckles stained in somebody else’s blood. He just hit somebody out of nowhere, for no real reason.

Like that time with Jyuushimatsu.

The memories came back like a flood, rising within him.

 _What did I do? Why I am like this? I don’t even know this guy, why did I hit him? I was the one who bumped with him!_ his train of thought was a top speed while he bit his own lip in desperation. _I did the same to Jyuushimatsu. Why? Why? He didn’t deserve it. Why do I always end up doing the same?!_

He was the eldest. He should be able to control himself, he should be able to look at his brothers in the eyes and tell them that everything would be okay. He should be able to cope with change, as things would change sooner or later. How long would it take for one of his brothers to find a job or a good girl and then leave? It had to happen, no matter how long he kept pushing his brothers to the bottom with the sole purpose of never being alone.

If he kept them like NEETS, nobody but him would want them. They would never leave, he would never be alone. After Choromatsu lost his first job he thought that he had nothing to worry about, because the rest of his brothers were too lazy and too immature to leave their house. After all, Todomatsu was not able to go to the bathroom alone at night, Jyuushimatsu was too weird and Ichimatsu was unable to function. It was a perfect plan.

But now everything’s gone to waste…

If he had just paid attention to detail. But not even he was able to believe that Karamatsu would be brave enough to break the little cocoon in which they were living. The perfect world that never changed. Now that the walls were broken, he was alone in the middle of the street, looking at a poor idiot who had the misfortune to be in his way being unconscious over a motorbike.  
That could’ve been Karamatsu he thought, feeling the bile in his mouth. Or Jyuushi again. Or maybe… That girl, Yu?

Just thinking about a girl being unconscious and bleeding after receiving one of his punches made his stomach upset. Osomatsu turned over his heels to the nearest trash can and puked even his first meal. He needed a moment to think, to overcome the sudden realization of how much of a prick he was and maybe regain enough strength to help that bastard over the bike, but he was unable to. Before he could even recover from puking, Osomatsu felt something grabbing him from his hoodie and then he was thrown to the other side of the street.

“You asshole!! What did you do to my brother!?”

He felt a kick right on his stomach, the air came out of his lungs with a gasp. The pavement under his knees and hands was cold, everything surrounding him was spinning around so much that he would’ve puked again if he had anything left in his stomach. Any light given by the street lanterns was covered by the figures of five people cornering him. The kicks came before the voices: Rash insults, growlings mixed with the sharp pain of being hit again and again by five pairs of boots. Osomatsu was a good fighter, there was no doubt about that, but he could not feel the need to defend himself. He deserved to be hit and punished for his misbehaviour, for his selfishness, even if the punches came from other people instead of his brothers.

The kicks were getting stronger. The insults were more and more demeaning, or that was what he could tell because of the way they were screaming at him.  Osomatsu was convinced that he was destined to meet his end in that street in the middle of the night, with nobody to help him, when he heard a bottle crashing right behind the guys.

“What the…?”

“What was that?!”

A tall figure swang something at one of the guys, hitting him hard. The man fell backwards, saving himself from the floor only because his friends grabbed him. Another yellow figure crashed over other of the thugs, grabbing him and throwing him so far, he ended up over a tree.

Jyuushimatsu.

There was no way he couldn’t recognize his brother’s ability to throw people like they were nothing. Osomatsu smiled, looking at his brother and the other person fighting off the bad guys, but he was unable to not to feel like crap when he realized that the source of his previous anger was the one with the bat, hitting those thugs in their legs or their heads so they would leave. Those idiots grabbed his unconscious friend and started to walk away, spewing insults to their families, their ancestors, their souls and to somebody’s posterior. Jyuushimatsu laughed, going to his eldest brother to help him stand up.

“Nii-san! Are you alright?”

Osomatsu chuckled, letting himself rest over Jyuushi’s shoulder.

“Yeah, they didn’t hit me that hard. Besides, I think I deserved it”

“Don’t do this again, please. We were looking you like crazy! Karamatsu was crying, thinking you were lost, and if it wasn’t for Ichimatsu’s cats then…”

“I know, I know” he sighed, whimpering a little. His head hurt badly, the taste of blood on his lips mixed with puke was disgusting, he was kind of sure that somebody spitted on his hair and the pain on his ankle was a sign that he had twisted his ankle. “Was he really… Was Karamatsu really crying for me?”

Jyuushimatsu nodded, helping him to walk. In the middle of the street, Yuki was still throwing rocks and things at the guys, mainly because two or three of them were on the corner screaming threats at them-

“Go fuck yourselves, assholes!” Yu yelled, brandishing her bat in the air. One of the man told her something nasty about her mother and the twins were left with their mouths wide open when they saw her grabbing some glass bottles from the floor and throwing them at the group. When they were distracted, she charged against them with her bat, running like crazy. “Keep running, you little whores! If I find you messing with my friends again, I am going to put my foot so deep in your ass that the next one who can take it out will be crowned the next King Arthur!!!”

The dudes screamed and ran away, fleeing from the rain of bottles and the swinging bat held by a crazy girl.

“ Your dentist will be touching my toes!! Run bitches, RUN!!”

Jyuushimatsu called out for her, telling her to stop because that was dangerous. But seeing her doing that, listening to that kind of insults, made something bobble inside Osomatsu’s stomach and before he could notice, he was just dying of laughter. A nice, normal laughter, the laughter of somebody who had too much and finally was getting some peace of mind. He laughed to the point it was hard to breath, tears coming out from his eyes while he was holding his own ribs with his free hand. Osomatsu laughed so hard that he felt his body light again, like when he was running, but without that apprehensive sensation inside his chest.  When she came back, she looked at him like he was crazy.

“Goodness, they probably hit his head. We should take him to the hospital for sure!”

“N-no! It’s just…” more voices were coming from the same side in which he came to that place. He could recognize his brothers, calling him, asking if his nii-san was okay. He just bursted out into laughing again, while Ichimatsu, Todomatsu and Choromatsu surrounded him, screaming something about him becoming crazy. “You told them the… You… Up their asses… King Arthur!” He just couldn’t stop laughing. “ I’ve never seen a girl cursing like that before. That was awesome! Where did you learn how to use a bat?”

Yuki smiled, chuckling a little bit before resting the baseball bat in her right shoulder.

“Oh, this beauty? How do you think I survived in the streets? I am not really that good at fighting, so one of my friends gave a bat just like this one. But sadly, I can't hit a baseball the way I can hit people’s heads. Oh, thanks for lending me your bat, Jyuushimatsu. Here you have”

“No problem. Keep it, I have to carry Osomatsu to the house”

“Wait…” Osomatsu did his best to stand up. His eyes went straight to the girl in front of him, who fought back a bunch of bigger, taller dudes to defend him. “Why did you help me?”

She seemed surprised by the question. He could see in her face her train of thought and Osomatsu could tell that she could not understand why he was asking her such a thing. She was confused, surprised, arching only one of her brows at the same time she made a grimace with her mouth.

“Umh… I don’t have a reason. You were at disadvantage, they could’ve killed you”

“But I deserved it, I punched those guys friend and left him unconscious”

She shrugged, moving her head at the same time, making her yellow bangs bounce.

“Even so, they could have resolved everything without violence. They were five against one, that’s not fair. The codes of the streets are being lost, it’s a shame”

He had no reason to be mad with her. He was never angry at her or with her, he just wanted an enemy who could serve as a base for all those damned feelings that put a fire in his belly, but the sad truth was that nobody deserved that. In the end, he just sighed.

“Aaah, now I understand why you are Karamatsu’s friend” Osomatsu said, still doing his best to keep his posture. “Yuki… I am sorry. I was not really mad at you, it’s just… There was something bad with me and I needed to think that you were to blame”

Osomatsu wanted the earth to eat him alive when he heard his brothers screaming in surprise at his words.

“I can’t believe this! Osomatsu is finally growing up!” Choromatsu was about to cry, hugging Ichimatsu with all his heart.  
“Oh, c’mon guys! I am trying hard here!”

Yuki, on the other hand, just nodded and smiled at him. A real, honest smile, not like before. She turned to the other sextuplets and with a gesture, she asked them to leave them alone for a moment. They looked at their older brother and he nodded, letting them know that he was okay with that. As soon as the rest left, walking just a few meters away so they would not be a bother to them, Yuki turned her head to him.

“I think I understand. I was mad, honestly. I wanted to hit you with this bat until I made you disappear in the earth. But I had the feeling that you were mad about something else instead of me, so I never took it seriously. Though poking at Karamatsu just to make me mad was a shitty move.”

“You knew?”

“At first it was a suspicion” she answered, putting a stray bit of hair behind her ear. “But, well, when you are alone and reading people’s intentions can save your life, you get used to it. It’s a survival tool. So yes, I knew. But… Why?” She then walked to him, letting her body rest against a wall right next to Osomatsu. “Why were you so mad? I did nothing to you”

Osomatsu arched his brows, smiling smugly.

“You don’t know?”

“Dude, I’m a survivor not a psychic. Now tell me. Maybe… I can help?”

He sighed again, scratching one hand with the other.

“Because I am an idiot. I don’t want things to change, I don’t want them to leave me behind and alone. I just… Want things to be the same forever”

“That’s… The stupidest thing I’ve ever heard”

“What?!” that felt like a punch right to his face. There she was, looking at him like he was the biggest idiot that ever existed.

“It is. Dude, you can’t live forever like this. You want to be a NEET forever? With no friends, no money, no girlfriend, no nothing? In a house that is falling apart? As soon as your parents die, how are you going to pay your expenses? What about food? And a medical bill? Anybody could get sick, you know?” with every word, the knives sticking to Osomatsu where bigger and went deeper. “What if one of your brothers wants to get married? Nobody would want an unemployed guy who lives with his five unemployed twins”

“I… I know. I am a little shit, aren’t I?”

“Don’t say it like you are proud of it!” she smacked the back of his head, making him almost lose his balance. “Idiot! You’ll be thirty in no time, how long do you think your parents will live?! Aagh, you are making me mad now!” he could not help but laugh, seeing her getting desperate at his uselessness. “Either way! Either way… I know it’s difficult being away of your brothers, but they are your family. They won't forget you or leave you behind. But they have to go on with their lives. Do you want them to be old people who had not lived their lives to the fullest, look back wondering what they did wrong and end up blaming you?”

The idea of his youngest brothers hating him, being old sad people, was kind of torturing for him.

“No, I don’t. But… Geez, I am such an asshole. I did everything I could just to keep them down at the bottom with me. I just… I thought that was for the best” With a deep sigh, Osomatsu felt the guilt building inside him. He not only failed as a brother to Karamatsu twice, he also failed to the rest by keeping them tied to him. “You… You are the oldest sibling too, aren’t you?”

She closed her eyes, then she looked at the distance playing with Jyuushimatsu’s bat between her hands.

“Yes”

“Was it difficult to you? Letting them grow up on their own?”

“I… was forced to do that” Osomatsu frowned, unable to understand. Then she turned her head so their eyes meet. “I had to choose. Living with my brothers and doing what my father wanted for the rest of my life, or reject everything and try to live my own life. I was forbidden to get close to them or to have any form of contact with my brothers. They… Begged me to stay. They said they needed me, that I wouldn't have to marry until I was sixteen. That I could learn to love my suitor. I had to choose: My life and dreams or theirs. I chose mine. Life's too short and I won’t have a second chance. It’s not a videogame. So… I packed as fast as I could and ran away.”

“Wow.”

“That doesn’t mean I didn’t love my brothers.” Yu said, slowly turning her head to look at the distance again. “I still love them. I miss them everyday. I want to look for them, to talk to them and hug them until the world stops spinning. I don’t even know how they look now. But I had to choose. And now your brothers have to choose, too.”

Osomatsu made a grimace with his mouth again. With those words still in his mind, he stopped looking at the girl in front of him letting his gaze wander a little farther away, where his brothers were talking. They looked worried about him, actually worried. How could they be worried about him after what he did to them was a mystery for Osomatsu Matsuno. But in the end he had to accept that his family loved him, even with his shitty personality, and even though it was going to be difficult he had to make some changes too. He had to stop putting everything he hated about himself and his traumas in another person, stop his stupid jealousy and he really needed to learn how to live with the crappy things he had done.

“I have to let them go and live their lives.”

“That would be wise, yes.”

“Was Karamatsu too angry at me?”

“Yes, but he was worried. He almost cried, thinking you were getting into trouble. He decided to stay at home to comfort your parents and be there if you came back before us. He… He loves you. He is not replacing you with me, Oso”

“Yeah well, it’s difficult not to think that. You are a better older brother than me. Or sister. Damn, this is confusing”

The lady laughed, but she ended up giving him a little fist bump in his shoulder.

“Unless I say otherwise, any pronoun is fine. I hope we can try and be friends now, Osomatsu. Though we should take you home and tend to your wounds”

Osomatsu thought that was a good idea. Both of them walked to the rest of the Matsuno’s, and after some warm hugs and a few scoldings, the whole group set out to the house. During the walk, Osomatsu talked about how great Jyuushi and Yu were fending off the thugs, the insults that Yuki said, and then started a war between him and her to see which eldest sibling said the worst insults. It all ended with them laughing, except of Choromatsu who complained that ladies should not say vulgar things. The laughter was cut down, of course, when they got to the house. Karamatsu was there, waiting in front of their house. He was moving around, walking in circles, pacing like a nervous lion inside a small cage. His face was contorted with worry, hurting Osomatsu worse than those thugs did. As soon as Karamatsu realized they were home, he widened his eyes and relief glistened inside them.

He ran towards his brothers, especially Osomatsu. And then he stopped, slowly, only a meter away. He was looking at his older brother. Osomatsu swallowed hard, wondering what was Karamatsu thinking. He could see the horror in his young brother’s eyes, checking on every wound and mark he got from that lousy fight. The worry, the anger, even love was mixed all over Karamatsu’s face. He was so readable, so gullible. So kind. Osomatsu took a step forward, as Karamatsu didn’t made any move.

“Sorry” he said, his voice sounding hoarse and cracked. “I… I apologized to Yuki, too. I was being mean with no reason. I… I fucked up”

Karamatsu did not answer. He just stood there, looking at him, letting out a heavy sigh.

“I ruined everything. You felt bad the whole day and then, when you get better, I mess your night because… Well… Fuck, I can’t say this, it’s so stupid!” Osomatsu needed to inhale to fill his lungs up and bust up some courage. “I… I was jealous. I was afraid. I am still afraid. I don’t want things to change. I am a selfish little fucker, I’ve been doing whatever I could to keep you down with me. Not only you, Karamatsu, all of you. I am sorry, everybody. I know I am the eldest, but I just can’t… I’m afraid of being alone”

“Osomatsu…” Choro mumbled, caressing his shoulder. Now everybody was understanding a lot of things.

Karamatsu kept silent for a moment, before taking another step and then hugging tightly his brother. Osomatsu felt squeezed between his arms, realizing how strong his brother was getting from all that exercise. He let his younger’s warmness surround him, his cologne and the sound of his worried heart filling his senses.

“I can’t go back to how things were before, Osomatsu. I’m sorry. But that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you. Any of you. I know sometimes I get really angry or too sad, I know I blamed you for my issues. I have a lot of things to fix in my head. But despite everything, I still love you all. And that will never change”

“I know. We are family”

“That doesn’t mean I have forgiven you all yet. I… I need some time”

“I know, it’s just… Why can’t everything be like before?”

He heard Karamatsu sighing, again. Slowly but surely, Karamatsu separated a little from him and looked right into his eyes, showing him his most sweet, and yet, saddest smile.

“Before was not a good time for me, Osomatsu. You may have liked it, but it was not so fun for me” Osomatsu squatted down, unable to face those eyes that were exactly the same as the ones he had but completely different at the same time. “Besides, we have to change. Mom and Dad are not going to live forever, we can’t pretend that we can live with them until they die. And even if we do, with no jobs we wouldn’t be able to keep the house. We… We need to grow. I need to grow. I want to look at my reflection in the mirror and be proud of myself for the things I do.”

“But… If we separate, then…”

“We will still be sextuplets, Osomatsu. We have a connection that won’t break. _It’s destiny_!” he exclaimed, making one of his poses. Osomatsu laughed. If the kicks had not broken his ribs, then surely his brother would break them with his painfulness.“I… I want to settle down and form a family someday, Osomatsu. I want to become more than what I am. So please, try to let me go”

“I… I never knew you wanted to form a family so bad. Are you sure it’s not something new?” Karamatsu shook his head, right and left.

“I was afraid of telling anybody about it. You would’ve made fun of me”

He could not deny that, they probably would have.

“Yeah… Alright. I… I will try”.

“That’s all I am asking”

Karamatsu hugged him again. Soon, the rest of his brother wanted to participate, so Todomatsu clung over them, Ichimatsu came to them and hugged them slowly purring like a cat. Choromatsu complained a little, because they were being ridiculous in the middle of the street, but ended up hugging them anyway. And then of course, Jyuushimatsu just had to jump and fall over the rest, making them roll on the floor while Yuki laughed her ass off. She helped them to get up and, still laughing up, the seven of them made their way into the house. Now that everything was said and done, they could have a while of peace and real talk before Yuki went back home and the rest went to sleep.

Now that the drama was finally over and everybody was safe, one of the Matsunos decided that it was time to settle something else. So Choromatsu took a moment to grab Yuki’s arm.

“Yuki-san… Can I… can we talk?” he whispered, looking over his shoulder to watch out to his family, who were some meters away helping Osomatsu.

“Yes…?” The surprise was in her voice and face. “About what?”

“About… About the makeup thing. You know right?”

“Well, I had a suspicion, but…”

He felt the red filling his cheeks. Being discovered was such a shame that he actually thought about doing seppuku while throwing himself under the train.

“Oh god! Please, don’t tell anyone! If they found out I work at an okama bar, then… then…”

“Huh?” Yuki widened her eyes, her expression filled now with confusion. Her eyes shone when she understood the situation and chuckled a little bit. They were talking in whispers, so nobody could hear them, but she lowered her voice a little bit more when she leaned forward and said. “Choromatsu, I didn’t know you were an okama.”

“W-what? But… But you covered up for me…”

He was still not able to fully understand. Yuki bit her lip, pressing on.

“I thought you were into cosplay. Karamatsu told me you were an otaku, that none of you had any girlfriends. So when you became so pale at the mention of the beauty store, I thought that it was a secret because you were embarrassed, so I made up a story to cover up for you.”

“So… So you didn’t know…?”

Now he had to check for the train schedule, to make sure he was not going to miss his own suicide.

“No! I am not a psychic. But don’t worry, your secret's safe with me” she put her index finger on her lips, as a sign that he was safe and the secret would never be revealed. “And I can share some nice Youtube channels with you with tons of makeup tutorials!”

“Oh… Well… I think that could help me out”

Convinced to temporarily postpone his suicide, Choromatsu looked at Yu’s phone screen as she showed him the tutorials. Jyuushimatsu was practicing with his bat, now that it was returned to him and Karamatsu was about to bring out more cake to celebrate the fact that Osomatsu and Yu were in better terms now, while Matsuyo and Ichimatsu treated his wounds and his father scolded him for being so irresponsible and insensitive, when he suddenly remembered something.

“Oh right! Brothers, do you want to come to the spring festival with me and Yu?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is! Sorry it took so long my muses and my computer are giving me a hard time. Anyway, for those you have no idea what enjo or Kogals are, let me explain... Kogals are a urban tribe from Japan which consists on having the latest fashion, the most expensive bags and things like that. The Enjo is a "escort service" in chich young high school girls spend time with older men in exchange of money or expensive gifts. They have no obligation to have sex with their clients but most of them end up doing that for profit and an alarming number of girls are forced to do so, as they have no legal protection if one of those clients assaults her. There's nothing that the police can do for a girl if she is raped and the guy gets her contact info, so if something like that happens and the guy wants to see her again... Well, she has no choice. There are a few girls who do this by free will, but they are few.  
> Kogals and Enjo are co-jointed somehow because some of those girls get into the Enjo in an attept to get all the things they need to be true Kogals.
> 
> So Osomatsu was basically asking Yuki if she was a call girl or a prostitute. Not cool, dude.
> 
> EDIT: Well, I know I haven't posted anything for a while. Just to let you know that I have finished the next two chapters but my beta readers is not available for now. I won't upload anything without her correcting it first, so I hope you can be patient and wait. I am not leaving! As soons my beloved beta is back on her feet Wrong Number will come in like a wrecking ball!! x3
> 
> Just wait!


	15. Spring

It was a cloudy day. Osomatsu’s wounds were not that bad, so he was recovering quickly, though he looked kind of dumb with his black eye and his bandaged right hand. Choromatsu was preparing himself, as he would have his driving exam on Monday and Totty was sitting in the living room, re-writing all the notes he took from class. Ichimatsu was gone, feeding the strays in the alley, while Jyuushimatsu was practicing his swings. A nice, calm day. No fights, no anger. After all the drama that transpired in that household after having Yu for dinner almost a week ago, the Matsuno residence was finally at peace. Even though Osomatsu became too nervous about little things every now and then or Karamatsu had his midnight terrors, there was no fighting or badmouthing involved. Choromatsu “passed his interview” and now everybody knew he was working, Todomatsu accepted more responsibilities at Sutaaba so he could earn a little more and Karamatsu started to sing on the subway or the streets so he could bring more money to the house.

The three of them were decided to help to fix their home. They already went with their parents to buy a whole set of paint cans so they could give new colours to the house as soon as the Spring Festival ended. And they were saving money in a big jar every week, so at the end of the month, they could fix something or buy something new. First, it was the pipelines, then the electrical system, then the windows, and the list of things they had to repair went on.

The others were moving slowly to get a job or, at least, be more free and independent, except Osomatsu. He was still coping with the changes, so every now and then he had his usual tantrums, but instead of shutting their mouths his brothers talked to him and tried their best to make him see how silly he was being, which seemed to help him a bit. That day in particular, Osomatsu was trying to bond with Karamatsu, helping him with his workout. The eldest was counting each of Karamatsu’s push-ups and was profoundly impressed with his younger brother’s stamina.

“Wow... “ he whispered. Karamatsu was wearing only sports pants and a tight cotton tank top, that was getting wet with all his sweat, and it was also sticking to him like a second skin. Karamatsu looked completely different from what he could remember. He had a six pack now, his arms were getting thicker, and he also had his waist more marked. He always knew that Karamatsu had a nice musculature because he was always working out, though he was not as ripped as Jyuushimatsu. But now he was exercising more than usual, and the changes were too noticeable to ignore.

No wonder he had to buy a full set of new clothes. The ones he was wearing before could not fit now that his back was becoming wider.

“Eeeh, that’s impressive Karamatsu! Twenty more and that’ll be one hundred!”

Karamatsu inhaled as he pushed himself up with only the strength of his arms and chest.

“Thanks, Osomatsu. I’ve been…. practicing” then he went down, exhaling through his mouth. The veins of his neck were pulsing, his muscles tense and firm.

“How long have you been doing this?”

“A while” he took a moment to breathe, trying to use that air to regain his strength and push back up. Now he had to do eighteen more. “I’ve always worked out, but I started to do it on a daily basis when my midnight terrors started. The more I work out, the better I can sleep. It helps… A little… With the dreams. It helps me feel that I am… In control… Of my body.”

Normally, Karamatsu never talked about his attacks or his issues. He only did it those times when he was infuriated with his brothers, but after that incident with Osomatsu and some consulting with his therapist, Karamatsu decided that he had to talk more about it. Expressing his feelings, his problems and everything he was going through in words could help him not only to feel better, but it would also let his brothers have an understanding of what was going on. Sometimes that understanding made them feel defeated and small, but it was something they had to deal with. It was their responsibility, and they felt that they owed at least that to his brother.

Osomatsu frowned a little.

“You don’t have control over your dreams. So having control of your body helps you a little bit, right?” Karamatsu nodded, still keeping track in his mind of his push ups. “So… How does it… How does it feel when you? You know, you wake up screaming and all that.”

Karamatsu kept silent for a moment, still doing his push-ups until he reached the number one hundred. Then, he stopped and took his time to catch his breath and stretch his arms a little bit before standing up. Now he had to do some series of sit-ups.

“It’s difficult to describe, Osomatsu,” he said, at last, noticing that his brother was getting nervous at his lack of response. “I know my dreams are horrible. I can tell. Sometimes I remember little bits, sometimes I can’t remember at all, but I know that there’s something eerie in them. I feel like I am being hurt and chased by something and, when I wake up, I can’t tell if I am awake or in another dream. But I am always scared because I don't feel safe. But… I don’t know why. It’s disgusting and terrifying.”

“I see… Sorry”

Karamatsu just smiled at him, before starting with his work out all over again. Osomatsu just looked at him, trying to figure out a way to light up the mood.

“Soo… How many sit ups can you do? One hundred again?”

“My dearest brother, you are underestimating my capabilities. I can actually make one hundred and fifty sit-ups! I can even complete this menial task with one of you on my back. Something trivial as tiredness can't get through me!”

“One hundred and fifty? Seriously?”

“My lips will never be soured with the heaviness of a lie.”

Osomatsu smiled widely, watching his brother working out without missing a beat. It seemed that sit ups were easier to do than push ups for Karamatsu.

“Ooooh, so that’s how you got that thick, round butt of yours, am I right?” Watching Karamatsu become even redder than he already was made him snicker a bit. Indeed his ashamed expressions were the best… And rare. After all, Karamatsu had always been a shameless guy, always getting naked at the first opportunity he had, using his weird clothes without remorse. Watching him being ashamed of something was as entertaining as it was new. “Yes, that’s how! Keep that up, and you’ll break nuts with your buttcheeks.”

Choromatsu and Karamatsu made a weird sound and then they yelled at the same time.

“Osomatsu!”

“What? It’s true! I’m not trying to be mean, I’m saying it with all my heart. You don’t look at yourself in the mirror anymore?”

Red, with a mix of being flattered and embarrassed at the same time, Karamatsu kept silent and continued exercising. He could tell that his body was constantly changing due to his clothes fitting him differently, but he tried his best not to look at himself in the mirror anymore. He moved his head side to side, only to answer his question, but kept completely silent. Osomatsu snickered a little bit, sitting on the ground and turned around a little bit just to see his youngest brother.

“Eh, Totty! Aren’t I right?”

“Mmmh?” Distracted, Todomatsu finished making a concept chart and only then he turned to his oldest. “Right about what?”

“About Karamatsu’s arse!” Osomatsu could see Totty’s evil smile forming, and Choromatsu complaining in disgust. “C’mon, Todomatsu, be honest. Does he got the booty?”

Todomatsu laughed, watching Karamatsu still doing sit ups despite being so red that they could probably use him as a lantern.

“He doooo!”

Karamatsu screamed at them, telling them to stop, but they only laughed. In the end, Karamatsu had to listen to his brothers talk about his ass until he was finished and, after stretching his whole body, he decided to take a shower. His cellphone rang, and it immediately made him remember something.

“Goodness, I forgot again!” he cursed under his breath and took the call. “Hi, Yuki. Yes, yes, I just have to take a shower… Here? What’s wrong with….? Oh, alright. Can you buy what we need? I don’t think we have anything here besides milk. Okay, Thanks!” he hanged up and then started panicking. “Daaaamn, I completely forgot I had to meet with Yu today!”

Totty laughed, watching his brother move all over the house to clean it, at the same time he grabbed clean clothes and tried to make their place a little more decent.

“You had a date, Karamatsu -niisan?”

“YES! She was supposed to teach me how to bake a cake at her house, but there’s an issue with her oven, so she’s coming here for today. Sorry, I feel like I'm imposing my wishes over my family right now.”

Osomatsu relaxed over the kotatsu. Since that awful night, he had come to terms with his emotions towards Yuki and stopped blaming her for everything he screwed up. Without thinking that she was a witch who played with Karamatsu’s feelings, he came to realize that Yuki was actually a nice person and kind of fun. That thing of acting like a dude every now and then was still weird to him, but he just accepted it and enjoyed making jokes with her. Or at her, it was fun watching her get mad and curse in a mixture of different languages.

“Dude, chill! Yuki can come whenever she wants. We don’t mind, as long as you give me a piece of that cake.”

“Yes! I want some cake too, Karamatsu niisan!”

Choromatsu, on the other hand, said that he was okay with it as long as Karamatsu did his chores and cleaned everything they used while baking.

“I am not going to clean anybody’s mess, okay? I have to study!”

Karamatsu’s eyes sparkled, and he gave them his biggest smile before going to shower. He had to be decent and clean for his best friend.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

Ichimatsu groaned a little bit. The bags full of cat food were kind of heavy to carry, but he knew that they would become lighter after visiting his friends at the alley. The strays needed a lot of food, after all. He was walking down the street, thinking about the cats. He wouldn’t be able to feed them as much as he used to, not at least until he got used to the new schedule he had. After that day when Osomatsu snapped, he called Akihiko and told him that he wanted to be a volunteer at the shelter so he could overcome his fear to people and, maybe, work in a cat café. As much as he saw himself as unburnable trash, even unburnable trash needed money to eat. Besides, without money, he wouldn't be able to help the strays… He had to take them to the vet to sterilize them and give them vaccines or the cycle would never end.

Even if someday he was left with no strays to feed… Keeping the cats in that condition so only he would be happy was cruel. He had to let them go. Maybe if they were sterilized, the cats could be adopted. A nice family was always better than being in the alleys for life.

“... -Atsu!”

He heard something behind him. Slowly, with the demeanor of somebody who did not give a damn, Ichimatsu turned around. Running towards him was Yuki, carrying some plastic bags filled with food. He was still not used to seeing her using feminine clothes, but he did not mind at all. Lately, she was spending some time at home, visiting during the week, so he was getting used to her company even if they did not talk that much.

“Ah, Yu-san. How are you?” he tried his very best not to blush and look at her legs. She was wearing jean shorts, similar to the ones Karamatsu had, though they looked better in her. She had nice legs and a thick bum, after all. Yuki was wearing a white shirt with a phrase in English that he could not read. He took a mental note to ask her about it later.

“Ufff, I finally caught up to you! I saw you at the convenience store, but I had to wait in line” She tried to catch her breath, before incorporate and smile at him. “Hi! I was going to your house, actually. I’m going to teach your brother how to bake a cake” she glanced at his bag and Ichimatsu stiffened, not knowing why. “Are you going to feed the cats? Karamatsu told me about it.”

“Yeah. I haven’t fed them this morning, so I have to do it now.”

“Do you mind if I join you? We can go to your house together when you finish. I mean… If you want. I don’t want to interfere; I just want to see the cats.”

“Hm… Do what you want. I can’t stop you” in his mind, he was screaming in a mixture of joy and fear. He was glad that a girl wanted to spend time with him, but at the same time, he had no idea what they could chat about.

He turned his back and started moving away, only to feel the presence of Yu right beside him, walking at the same speed. She was silent, as much as him, but whenever he looked at her and she noticed, she just gave him a smile without saying anything. His heart was pounding fast. After a few blocks of silence, he suddenly turned around in the dark alley between two small apartment buildings, where his cat friends waited for him. It was dark, but not dirty. Ichimatsu made sure to clean that place for them, even if there were two or three trash cans. Some of the cats came out from behind the trash cans, meowing. Some others climbed down from the windows or the fire stairs.  Those cats were actually pretty aggressive and did not trust at all any human who was unknown to them.

“Hum. You should stay behind me. They don’t like other people.”

After all, his brother would not forgive him if his cats hurt his friend.

“It’s okay. Strays recognize strays.”

She did not seem scared, so Ichimatsu turned to face the cats and let her do her thing. From the corner of his eye, he could see Yu coming closer to the cats slowly, squat down and reach her hand to them. At first, the felines were dubious, almost petrified to see another human besides Ichimatsu. He was the one who feeds them, after all. He was sure that the cats were about to bite her hand or hiss at her, but they started to get closer to the lady, sniffing at her before rubbing their bodies against Yuki. Ichimatsu petted one cat with each hand, watching the whole display in amusement.

“Wow, this is odd.”

“Hm?” She was caressing one brown cat with black spots which were bigger than the rest and had some scars on its fur. It seemed to like it when she squeezed his big, fat, cheeks. “What’s wrong?”

“They don’t really like other people besides me. I mean, they are distrusting and aggressive towards strangers.”

She laughed, now scratching the lowest part of one of the cat’s back, making it lift its ass.

“Fear me! For I am…. The cat whisperer” Ichimatsu realized he was cackling a little too late to stop it. Ashamed, he looked back to the cat he was petting. “I told you, didn’t I? Strays recognize other strays. I know how it feels not having a home or a meal every day… That’s why I donate money or food to the local shelter whenever I can. These little ones can’t find food on their  own, unlike me.”

Ichimatsu had a flashback about that time, a few years ago. That crucial day when Choromatsu moved out and then, one by one, everybody left their parent’s house. He was the last one in leaving. With no job, no education, no place to crash at and no money, he found himself almost starving in just two or three days. He remembered the pain in his stomach, the noises it made whenever it tried to work even without any food. He could still feel the weakness numbing his whole body during those days, the pain in the back of his eyes due to the lack of food.

“It’s terrible. Not having anything” Ichimatsu let out a small sigh, before grabbing his bag and feeding them. There were some little plates that he left for the cats, so he started filling them with cat food. He was so used to the smell of that canned food, that he felt strange whenever he spent a lot of time without smelling it. “I tried to eat cat food. That time when I left the house. It was awful, but I was so hungry I did not care.”

Silence, besides a little humming sound coming from her mouth as she watched the cats eating hungrily, almost with despair.

“I know that feeling. I tried to eat dog food once.”

“Really?”

She nodded.

“I vomited it. It was after a few weeks having only one meal per day” She kept staring at the cats, smiling lightly. “I always saw these poor little fellas on the streets; I knew what they were going through because I lived through it too. But I was capable of going to work if I was lucky enough to get a job. They couldn't. So every now and then I gave them something to eat… But there was this time when me and my friends had nothing to eat, nothing, besides an apple. I can’t really remember when it was; those times became a blur in my mind but… I do remember looking at dogs, cats, even rats and wondering how difficult it was to catch one. I thought things like: Am I able to kill it quick, so it doesn't suffer? Can I chop it to pieces or skin it? Can I go to jail for that?”

Ichimatsu didn't know how to answer. He knew how it felt to be hungry to the point of hallucinating of fainting in the middle of the street, but he never reached that point.

_ I came back to my house, where my parents fed me. That’s why. _

Somehow he mustered enough courage to ask a question that was traveling around his mind, almost like an annoying mosquito.

“Did you…?”

“Nah” she shook her head, her hair moving with her to the point that, sometimes, she hit her face with it. That week, she had pink and blue bangs, so they mixed together in an incomplete rainbow. “I think.”

“You  _ think _ ?”

“One of my friends bought meat one day. He was the oldest of us; he taught us how to survive in the streets. The one who gave me that knife that made Osomatsu flip” she said it in an inquisitive tone, probably was trying to tell if Ichimatsu remembered that. And he did remember the deal with the mitten knife, so he nodded in silence. “His name was Inu. Well, that’s what we called him, nobody knew his birth name, not even him. He brought us meat. Weird meat. It wasn’t green or putrid, but it was weird, and we could not tell why.  Maybe because it had a lot of nerves. He told us to eat it, that we needed strength. We gathered a few ingredients, made a fire, put everything in a pot and made the lamest stew ever. But we sat together and ate it, and it filled us, and it was tasty somehow. He never told us what it was or how he got it”

“You… never….?”

He wanted to know if she asked what it was. Maybe he would have told her. Ichimatsu felt his heart beating faster, trying to imagine himself in that kind of situation. He stared at the cats, wondering if one of them could be made in a stew someday or if he was homeless and hungry, would be able to do such a thing in order to have a meal at least once. The thought made him shiver.

“Nope. Never asked and never wanted to know. Some things are better left unsaid, don’t you think? We needed to eat, and we did. Luckily I got a job a week or two later, so we stopped having that trouble.”

Ichimatsu could understand that. Besides, he was in no position to ask more about a troubling subject like that one. He did not know what he could do in the same situation, so he was in no position to pressure her for more answers or to judge her. He would not want to know either. At least knowing that she got a job and did not have to worry about starving or weird meat anymore was some kind of relief. Ichimatsu looked at her for a moment, in silence, before looking at the cats finishing their meal. It was almost time to go back home and, yet; he was in no hurry to go back. At first it was kind of upsetting being next to a girl who showed so much skin, or better yet, it was strange for him to be in company of any human female besides his mother, but that girl had the ability to make him feel calm at her presence even when some of the things she said were actually shady and disturbing. He could understand now why Karamatsu enjoyed spending time with her. Whenever they were together, they were normally noisy: Listening music and singing it out loud, dancing for no reason, laughing at stupid videos on the internet and watching TV fashion shows while they screamed in excitement. But behind all that, that person could be very calming in a curious way that he was not even able to explain. She could also be not noisy, for a change.

Maybe she was indeed a cat whisperer.

After feeding the cats, they headed home still in silence. She did not need to talk all the time like other people, which made him feel better about being silent, but he could not help but think about what they talked about. He wanted to ask her so many questions about a lot of things in the hope that, maybe, she could help him the same way she helped Karamatsu. He wanted to know why Yu was friends with Karamatsu anyway, what did she think about him and the rest, the trash brothers who bullied her friend to the point of making him ill.

He turned on an alley that took him to a path in order to take a shortcut, but Yuki grabbed him by his shoulder.

“Don’t go there.”

“Huh? Why?”

She signaled one of the walls with her head. Almost four meters over the ground, there was a graffiti made in red and orange. There was a six-pointed star with a G and a D on top. The star seemed to come out from a lotus flower in bloom, and it was stabbed by two sai swords from the top. It was the weirdest thing Ichimatsu has ever seen, but that symbol made Yuki’s face darken.

“That’s a sign. It means that we are entering into a gang’s territory. The way they draw the lotus tells me that they are not your typical juvenile delinquents, but the star and the sai swords mean that they have taken some costumes and traditions from American gangs.”

“And that means…?”

“I am not sure. I haven’t met any member of this gang, but some of my old acquaintances warned me about a new group that was trying to expand their territory. I can make it out, but you? If you enter in that alley, you’ll end up being somebody’s boyfriend.”

That idea was not appealing, and she looked too serious to be joking, so Ichimatsu decided to take the long way. He did his best to remember that graffiti, so he would never make the mistake of going in there. He’d rather avoid any conflict with people that was probably into organ trafficking and drugs. Yuki let go of his arm as they walked back to his house again, in silence, only that this time the silence was awkward. He could see her frowning, biting her lip as she was thinking. Yu looked at the walls, at the people surrounding them while they walked. Ichimatsu could only imagine what she was thinking and he was sure it had to do with that new gang that was creeping around town. Ichimatsu was getting nervous, seeing her gloomy and mad, not knowing what to do to brighten up the mood was even worse because the feeling of impotence made his hands sweat and tremble.

Besides, he knew he was not good at starting conversation, much less make a joke or something. The only thing he could do was be honest if he wanted to take her out of her misery. So that’s what he tried, saying something that he had been wondering for a long time.

“Do you… Hum… Do you know how to become a veterinarian?”

The sudden question seemed to make her lose her train of thought, to the point that she looked completely dumbfounded for a few seconds, before smiling at him. That smile made Ichimatsu sigh in relief, as they were walking down the street to his house. He even made a gesture to take one of Yuki's bags, out of nowhere, and she complied smiling wider as she gave him one so he could carry it.

"Well, according to Ichigo..."

"The veterinarian that Karamatsu knew? The one who treated Suzu?" He interrupted her without thinking, suddenly remembering about his veterinarian's name and how he met him.

"Yes, that one. I told him about Ichigo. I mean, he told me about your army of cats, and I thought it would be good for you to know a good doctor that would treat your cats because he likes animals instead someone who would try to take your every last coin out of profit. You are lucky that your cats haven't got sick yet. Imagine if they had something contagious? That would be a lot of medicine to buy!"

Ichimatsu was not sure if she was saying that as a way to let him realize that taking care of so many cats without having a job was problematic, or if she meant it to realize how important it was for him to get a job or to just let him know that he had to sterilize them and give them up for adoption. He could not tell. But even if he was not able to tell why she said those things, he could see that she had good intentions. And, whether he liked it or not, she was right. He was actually lucky that they weren't sick or else he was up for a hard time.

"As I was saying" Yuki continued talking without losing a beat, so that Ichimatsu had a hard time following her. "According to Ichigo, he had to study Chemistry, Biology, Anatomy, Animal Physiology, Embryology and more. You have to be the equivalent of a doctor for animals, so it's kind of natural that you have to study a shitload of things."

"Oh..."

"You sound disappointed."

Ichimatsu nodded, looking at the floor while walking.

"I wanted to try, but... It seems too hard. I don't think I can do that. I can barely talk to people, let's not talk about studying."

Yuki made a humming sound, still walking.

"Nothing that requires studying is easy. You can always get a teacher to explain to you the things that you don't understand."

"I haven't studied shit since high school."

"I finished high school online and started college two months later, after studying eight hours per day, so I could pass the admission exams necessary for somebody who was out of the scholar registry 'till then. C'mon, dude, I am not  _ that  _ smart. I had to burn my eyelashes for it."

"Huh... But.... But I am trash. I... am... Not that good. Besides, having to work with dead animals... "

Yuki looked at him for the corner of her eye; he could feel it and being conscious of that made him blush. His heart was racing, pounding against his ribcage. That was one of the many reasons that he did not like talking to others. He was convinced that he was not good enough for college and, on top of that, he was uncomfortable with the conversation. She was probably going to cheer him up, saying the same stupid things that people always said to him to lift his spirits even though he knew those words were useless and fake.

"Better to practice on death things than killing a living thing," She said, looking now straight forward.

"Besides, who the fuck told you that you were not good enough? You won't know 'till you try."

Ichimatsu stopped in his tracks, looking at her still walking, but in reality, he was not actually looking at her. He was in his head, revisiting some memories of the past. When he was in last year of high school, he was in charge of taking care of the school rabbits. It was about the same time he started taking care of a little abandoned kitten who was always roaming around the schoolyard. Ichimatsu could still remember how sad he felt when some of the bunnies died. It was an accident, really, he had cookies in one of his pockets and some may have fallen to the ground when he was leaning over the rabbits, cleaning their cage.

Rabbits and sweet cookies don't get along. The ones who ate the cookies died as the preservatives, and other chemicals in processed food made them sick. And the cat, the poor cat saw Ichimatsu across the street and tried to run to him at the very same time that some disgusting, careless idiot decided to ignore a stop sign. Now that he thought about it, none of those things were actually his fault. He took care of the rabbits, and he did his best for the kitten, he didn't even know that he had cookies in his hoodie's pocket and he surely was not the one who disregarded the stop sign. It was not his fault.

But he could also remember so clearly that it hurt, the sadness he felt. The crying, the guilt. Everybody at school was mean to him because he was the weird kid who killed the rabbits.

_ Who told you that you were not good enough? _

One of the people that he admired the most, the one from he sought advice and sympathy because he was too proud to talk to Karamatsu. The person who put his hands deep into his hoodie's pockets, smiling smugly, and convinced him to avoid people and concentrate on stray cats because if he became a veterinarian, then he would end up killing tons of animals.

"Osomatsu-niisan."

Saying it out loud made him feel weird. He had no idea how he was supposed to react now, what he could do.

"Ichimatsu?"

He looked up, realizing that he was gazing at the floor with no purpose and that the girl in front of him was worried.

"Are you okay?" She meant it. Her question was sincere or, at least, that's what he felt. "Are you still worried about being a veterinarian?”

"Yeah, it's just... I want to take care of animals, but maybe it's too late? I... Hum... I don't know what to do."

"Hum... Well, you could take short courses to be a nurse or an assistant in a veterinary. C'mon, I am pretty sure that with a little effort, you will rock it."

"Yeah..."

He was still young; he could do it. Whatever happened in the past, was past. Now he had to start thinking and developing by himself. He started walking again, asking Yuki about her school and how she coped with everything.

"Me? I am  _ a mess. _ I leave everything for the last minute, and then I have to keep awake three days straight while drinking coffee just to finish my assignments.  Have I ever told you about the time I got so fed up I ended up mixing energy drinks and coffee?"

"No."

Her eyes sparkled, and her smile was so bright that he could not help but smile himself, feeling his cheeks getting a little warm.

"Ohh, then this is going to be fun."

Karamatsu checked on his clothes again. His jeans were nice and clean; his tank top was perfectly ironed. Sadly it did not have his face on it, but taking his friend's advice, he decided to moderate his coolness a bit in order not to hurt others... And on top of that, half of his clothes were too small for him. He had to go shopping soon or else he would end up naked. He was thinking of inviting Yuki and Totty to go shopping all together, and those two were pretty good at choosing nice clothes. And if his friend and his brothers could get along and become friends too, then it would be a nice plus.

He rearranged his clothes once again, avoiding the mirror as much as he could. He was still afraid of this other Karamatsu that lurked behind the mirror and in some of his nightmares. Took the time to check upon every inch of that house, to make sure that everything was clean and there were no porn magazines or dirty underwear left there by accident.

Everything seemed to be fine.

He thought, going down to the living room to wait with the rest of his brothers when suddenly he heard something odd. Thinking he had just gone mad, Karamatsu ran down the stairs at top speed only to see his best friend coming into his house right beside his fourth brother. Both of them were laughing their asses off. Yuki laughing happened all the time, but Ichimatsu laughing was such a rare sight that even the rest of his brothers went to the front door to check it out. They all looked at the scene with widened eyes and an expression of utter astonishment. When they stopped laughing, Ichimatsu realized that his brothers were there and he went blank. Yuki on the other hand, just smiled at them.

"Oh, hey guys!" She said, so happy that she was shining. Yuki lifted one of her hands, showing a plastic bag. "I've got all the ingredients! But we should start baking now before the butter melts."

Karamatsu was still in shock but reacted immediately as soon as his friend came closer and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Of course, my dearest Karamatsu darling!" He was doing his best to not use words that were too feminine or too masculine, even if his friend was okay with every pronoun. He had to make an effort to make Yuki feel comfortable. "I am glad to see that you and Ichimatsu are getting along."

"Yeah" Ichimatsu was still mute and moved to the living room without saying a word, his cheeks completely flushed. "I came out of the convenience store and saw him, so I ran to him and asked if we could come to your place together. We may have a little distraction with some adorable kitties, but nothing too excessive. Now, did you clean your kitchen as I asked you?"

Karamatsu nodded, taking the bags from her hands as a true gentleman would do.

"Of course, Yu. I cleaned just as you told me. With soap, then washed, then disinfected, then washed with water again. Is that really necessary?"

"Yes. Germs can go into the food and make people sick. You better have bandanas to cover your hair too..."

Yuki was about to say more, but the door was wide open. There was Jyuushimatsu, dirty from head to toes after his daily practice of baseball. He was chanting as he always did, but as soon as he saw Yuki, he practically flung himself forward to hug her tightly.

"Yuki-san, you came!"

"Hi, Jyuushimatsu. I told you already not to use the honorifics, I don't use them." She gave him a kiss too, and then hell was unleashed on earth as Totty started complaining that he was not getting a kiss. Then Ichimatsu and Osomatsu complained too because they also deserved a kiss. Choromatsu being the proper person he was, said that it was not right to be kissing people like that and that they did not have any right to be kissed by a girl that was not their girlfriend.

Yuki just laughed, giving kisses to every Matsuno including Choromatsu.

"In my country, we kiss each other on the cheek as a way to say 'hi' or 'goodbye'. And we give two kisses if the person is very important. I'll stop if you don't like it, but I always greet my friends like that."

In the end, every one of the Matsunos was happy with that and Yuki, Totty and Karamatsu went to the kitchen. The rest were sitting in the kotatsu, not too far away, contemplating everything they were doing. Yuki made sure that the oven was pre-heated and that they had every tool they needed at hand, from wooden spoons to large containers for the batter. She also explained to them the concept of  _ mise en place _ , which meant that you had to make sure that you had every ingredient ready and measured before starting. That way she and Karamatsu prepared a few things while Totty recorded the whole situation with his phone. In one bowl, Karamatsu put three cups of cake flour and a teaspoon of salt, while Yuki cracked three eggs and mixed them with half a teaspoon of vanilla extract.

"And in another bowl, we put one hundred grams of butter. It has to be soft, room temperature. Not melted. And a cup of sugar" She put the melt in the bowl and then the sugar, starting to mix it quickly. Karamatsu looked at her, how fast she moved her hands. He also could not stop himself from noticing that the bandana covering her hair and her apron looked really cute, all pink and with stars on them. "See? You have to keep mixing it until it becomes fluffy, then you add the eggs one by one. And they have to be at room temperature too, or else the mixture of temperatures ruins the batter."

"Really?" Karamatsu took the bowl gently, trying to mix the butter himself. Yuki allowed it, while she sifted the flour in another container. "I don't understand why does temperature has to do with..."

Yuki hit him on the side with a movement of her hips.

"If the eggs are cold, then it will not let the butter to mix properly. It's like mixing something warm with ice-cream... The cold wraps around the fat in the butter and then it's very difficult to make something nice out of it" She explained, laughing a little bit while she nodded in approval as the mixture of butter and sugar was now fluffy and combined. She took a little bowl in which the eggs and vanilla were mixed. "Now I'll add this little by little; you keep mixing."

"Okay" Karamatsu kept mixing as his friend poured the egg mix in fine threads. He was starting to think that baking was not that difficult, even if it had its tricks and secrets. Of course, he was also happy to see the changes happening to the ingredients, how well they were blending together into something that looked edible. That meant that he was going to be able to bake a cake for his and his brother's birthday, he could also make one for his mother on Mother's Days or for his father whenever he got a raise.

But, most importantly, he was learning something new, useful. He could see himself doing something like that for his future girlfriend, for his wife or kids. Happiness was burning in him while he paid attention to every detail. The fact that Yuki’s explanations made everything easier was a plus because the first time he tried to bake a cake on his own using a cooking book he had almost summoned a devil.

"All done!" He exclaimed, happy, looking at the batter. It was yellowish, creamy, and it did not look appetizing at all. "This... This is how it's supposed to look like, right?"

Totty, who was recording everything with his phone, chuckled.

"Well, how else it's supposed to look like?"

"I don't know. I thought it was going to look so nice that I would want to lick the spoon but..."

Yuki made a sound; she was trying to hold her laughter.

"Dorky" then again, she hit him with the force of her bum, making Karamatsu blush and Totty giggle. "You need to put in the flour and the milk now. Do you remember how the flour has to be?"

"Sifted?"

For a moment he panicked in his mind, thinking that he was wrong and something was missing. He had always had bad luck so he wouldn't be surprised if the batter went wrong because of him, but Yuki just caressed his head from over the bandana he was wearing.

"Yes, that's right! Sifted! When you begin to put the flour and the milk, you start with the flour and finish with the flour. And you always mix it with wraparound movements... C'mon, I will help you!"

Karamatsu kept mixing the batter, looking attentively at the way in which Yuki added the flour and the milk. She corrected them every now and then, holding his hands to show him the right way to mix the batter so it would not sink when they put it in the oven. There was a moment when even Totty wanted to mix the batter, and he tried to do so but, for some reason, he ended up splattering some of the batter in everybody’s faces. He complained and pretended to cry, even when Yuki and Karamatsu only laughed at the sight of the three of them with little dots of batter in their faces and aprons. Totty got mad, so he ended up grabbing the flour and throwing it to his older brother who dodged it... With the misfortune of making it explode when it hit the counter, and a big cloud of flour invaded the kitchen and covered the three of them. At this point, silence reigned in the cooking realm... Before Karamatsu lifted his head up and saw his brother and his friend covered in the white powder, with only their eyes to be seen. The was not able to control it; the situation was so fun that he started laughing like there was no tomorrow to the point that he had to hold his own ribcage. The other two looked at him, wondering why he what was so fun about being covered in flour... But in the end Karamatsu's laughter was contagious, and they had no other choice but to laugh too, crying even, making the mask of flour in their faces wet.

"At least the batter was saved," Yuki said, checking on the cake-to-be. "Well, we better put it in the oven now that is ready. Then we should clean all this."

Totty was still laughing, trying to clean his phone.

"All right, everybody is okay, right? The cake is fine, and my cell phone is fine. Everything is fine, right?"

"Except for the kitchen" Karamatsu groaned in disgust when he realized that the tears and the flour in his face were combining in some kind of disgusting goo. "Damn... Let me wash this for a moment. Yuki, can you take care of the rest? Totty and I will clean before mommy comes back. We don't need her to have an attac..."

Before he could even finish his sentence, they heard a scream right next to them.  They all turned on his heels to see Matsuyo with her eyes wide open, trembling at the kitchen entrance. She leaned over one of the walls, a hand over her chest.

Todomatsu swallowed hard.

"Oh, crap..."

What followed next was a terrible reprimand from their mother. Totty and Karamatsu ended up on their knees, begging for forgiveness while their mother yelled at them for being irresponsible and ruining the kitchen after all her effort in cleaning it so they could have a nice, decent home. The only one who was not scolded was Yuki.

"Look what you did to the poor girl!" Matsuyo said, holding an embarrassed Yuki by her shoulder. "You ruined her lovely clothes and her hair! She came all the way to our house to bake a cake for everybody, and this is how you repay her? What is she going to think of us now?"

"Um, Ms. Matsuno don't worry. It's not..."

"Hush now, dear. I know my NEET sons well enough to tell that they were the ones who splattered flour all over my precious kitchen. Go now, sweetie, go have a shower. I'll look for some clothes to lend to you. A cute girl shouldn’t be covered in flour."

"But the cake..."

"I think this NEETs can watch over a cake. Don’t worry."

Yuki nodded, she seemed to be afraid to say 'no' to the old woman. She walked past the brothers, mumbling a soft "Sorry" as she headed towards the bathroom upstairs. The nice smile that Matsuyo held on while talking to the girl faded almost immediately as soon as she turned her head to her children.

"You will clean all this. Remember to check on that cake while I go fetch some clothes for Yuki. Geez, guys. You will never make her your girlfriend if you behave like Neanderthals."

Karamatsu got up, looking now for the cleaning products even if his mother's words were embarrassing him.

"But mom! Yuki is not my....!"

"Hush! I am sure that I have five more children, Karamatsu. If you don't want her, someone will. And I want that someone to be from this family. A good girl like that is very rare and, as a mother, I want to make sure that any of you gets a good girl. And gives me grandchildren. Now clean!"

With that, they had no choice but to clean the floors, the counter, wash everything they used and, for some reason, they had to clean part of the ceiling too. Every now and then, Totty checked on the cake doing what Yuki told them: Stabbing it gently with a brochette stick and, if it came out clean, then the cake was ready. Sometimes Karamatsu had to remind him to use the safety gloves because Totty forgot to wear them and then he attempted to grab the warm mold.

"You know, Mom is right" Totty checked if the cake was done. And it was, so he let it cool down on the counter before putting down the oven. "We should get a girlfriend like Yuki, you know. Someone who works or studies that likes to cook and make jokes..."

Karamatsu made a grimace. He did not want to think of that. Any of his brothers having a date with Yu could mean the end of the world to him because as much as he loved his siblings he knew, deep in his heart, that they were not boyfriend material. They would only give his friend a lot of headaches or pain, and that was not good enough. Yuki was his best, dearest friend. He could picture her in his mind, smiling happily while holding somebody else’s hand... But that somebody could not be one of his brothers, he was sure of that. Yu deserved the best and he, as his friend, had to make sure that the person he loved the most got herself a good, caring boyfriend. Somebody who could understand her past, that did not care about her being non-binary and accepted her. Somebody who did not care about her being mixed race or having trouble to reading kanji, someone who loved her even if she did not fit Japanese beauty standards.

He doubted that any of his brothers could do all that at the same time.

"Are you saying..." He made his best effort to sound neutral, as he took away his apron. "That you like her?"

"As a matter of fact, I do" Totty turned around, giggling in his cutesy way. "But not like that! I like her as a friend. She is not my type of girl for a date."

"Wha...?" Now, Karamatsu felt his blood getting hot. "Why the hell not?! She is awesome!"

"Yeah, she is" now that the danger was gone and the cleaning was done, Totty took out his phone from his pocket and take a few selfies, even covered in flour. Then he took a picture of the cooling cake and started to upload it to his Instagram account, adding hashtags so fast that Karamatsu could barely see his fingers moving. "That's why I like her! As a friend. I prefer cute girls, though. You know, girls with small bodies, lovely voices,  the ones that blush when you talk to them. Yuki is completely the opposite" he finished uploading everything and leaned over the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. "She is hot, I will not deny that. But she is too... Noisy. She laughs loudly, she mixes languages, and it's kind of embarrassing having a girlfriend that can't read adult's Kanji. And she is very tall! She is cute and sexy but not the kind of girl I would like to date. But... a one night stand, though..."

Karamatsu could feel the indignation growing inside him to the point that he was about to explode.

"Todomatsu! That's not what love is about! Yuki is amazing, and anybody would be surely fortunate to have her as a girlfriend. She is kind and sweet. She doesn't judge people and cares a lot about people. She is always there when you need her and, yes, she may laugh loudly but... Her laughter is beautiful because it's genuine! She laughs because she's having fun. And she works really, really hard for her dreams. Someone like her doesn't deserve to be a one night stand" he sentenced, crossing his arms over his chest. "Especially not yours.  A person is more than what you see on the outside. I hope one day you can see that"

With that, Karamatsu took away his own apron, threw it in the sink and walked upstairs to see how his friend was doing. He was right; his brothers were not good enough for his beloved friend. He was in the hall, when he saw his mother.

"Ah,  mommy.  Is Yuki...?"

"Oh, she is changing in my bedroom. Why don't you take a quick shower, son? I'll bring you some clothes."

"No, it's all right. I will do it... So, did you find something for her?"

"Oh yes!" Matsuyo smiled radiantly, like a mother who was praising his favourite daughter. "It was kind of hard taking into account those crazy hips she has and that Yuki is more... Well plump than I used to be. But I found a lovely dress for her. I could only use it when I was expecting you, as my six NEET boys made my belly and hips enormous. But I am sure she'll look adorable in it. Now, now, go and shower."

Nodding, Karamatsu went to his room to look for some clean clothes, quickly, so his youngest brother would not usurp the shower like he always did. Luckily for him, Todomatsu was not in the bathroom, so he was able to take out all the flour covering him and change into something more comfortable. His shorts and tank top. He was coming out of the bathroom when he almost collided with Totty who was at the door, ready with some clean clothes.

He looked at Karamatsu up and down, focusing on the shorts-.

"Are you going to use those?"

"Yes.  why?"

"They don't fit you properly. Don't you feel it? They look so tight that your blood can’t get to your legs! Go and use one of your new pants. Your thighs are too thick for this one now"

"Totty...."

_ Not again with this, please. _

"What?  It’s true! Now go change! You look like a taxi boy like that!"

Pouting, Karamatsu came back to his room. He was about to get in, but something or someone slapped his butt, and he had no choice but to turn around, as red as he was, only to find his friend in front of him.

"Yuki! Don't do that!"

"Sorry, but that thing was tempting" she was laughing, looking at him "I was on the stairs when I overheard what Totty said. Shorts look good on you, but he is right. These ones are too tight."

Karamatsu sighed deeply. He really liked his shorts.

"I guess I have to go buy new ones" It was a good excuse to hang out with Yuki during the week, so it was not that bad. Maybe he could invite Totty, as he was also a fashion expert, but taking into account the things he said a few moments before he had to think a lot about it. After all, Karamatsu wanted Totty to appreciate Yuki for who she was, but he did not want him to fall in love with Yuki.

_ Todomatsu is good at pretending to be normal, but he is too shallow. No, no, no, he is not good enough. Just look at her. She is so lovely. A pure spirit of nature that deserves to be cherished by the right companion. _

He was smiling without even realizing.

"You look cute in that dress, Yu."

The sudden compliment made Yu blush, and Karamatsu's smile was even wider after seeing that. But it was true. It was a lovely loose dress with small flowers in red and pink all over it. It had embroidery on the cleavage and the suspenders. And also in the float. She tied it around her waist with a white ribbon. It actually looked really good on her, even if the dress seemed to be a little too short because of her height.

"Thanks. It was too loose, so I tied it. Though is kind of short."

"Hum, aren't you afraid that... Well if you bend over, then...Um... Geez, now that I think about it, you had a shower and... And Did you... What about your..." He was getting too nervous as the images of what he wanted to say were forming in his mind, but Yuki snickered and cut him off.

"You are wondering what happened with my underwear, aren't you?" Karamatsu blushed so had that he could feel his face burning. "A proper lady always gets out of her house with an extra pair of underwear and some hot-shorts," she said, pulling a little bit on her dress so that Karamatsu could see the aforementioned shorts. They were like his but made of black cotton. "You never know when your period decides to visit you early, so you have to be prepared."

"Oh. Oh, right. Hum... I should change. T-the cake was ready, Karamatsu Dear, so If you want to check it out..."

She only nodded and then walked to the stairs. Karamatsu had to take some minutes to recover from the embarrassment he felt before he could go and change clothes. He felt like an idiot for thinking that Yu would go commando in somebody else's house. Or in her house. Or ever. She was not that kind of gal. He had to make a tremendous effort not to think about it. Luckily after changing, he saw his guitar in a corner, and he remembered something that helped him to forget about the commando business. Grabbing his guitar case, he walked down to the living room. He could hear laughter and chatting, so it was not a surprise to see his brothers, except Jyuushimatsu, and Yuki gathering around the table. The cake was now covered in what it seemed to be powdered sugar, and it was placed on a nice plate. Everybody had its own set of plate and fork, but the cake was still untouched.

"Karamatsu!" Osomatsu was laughing loudly, as always, pointing at the cake. "I can't believe that you and Totty were able to make something that looks edible!"

"Hey, we put a lot of effort into it!" Totty was already pouting, sticking his tongue out to his older brother, while he tried his best to take a good picture of the cake. Which was kind of difficult with Suzu always trying to grab a hold onto the small chain doll he had attached to it. “Suzu! Please, let me take the picture.”

Yuki made a move and took the cat as gently as she could, putting it on her lap.

“Now, now, Suzu. Don’t make Aunt Totty mad.”

Ichimatsu scoffed, Choromatsu covered his mouth so nobody would see that he was laughing. Totty, on the other hand, seemed like he was about to die. Karamatsu laughed in his inner mind, sitting next to his eldest brother.

“Don’t treat me like a girl, Yuki!”

“Why not?”

“It’s wrong!”

“What’s wrong with being a woman?”

Karamatsu did his best not to laugh at his youngest brother's expression because he was completely unable to answer. He was there, blank, not knowing what to do. Not that Karamatsu could blame him, there was no right way to answer that without being sexist and, on the other hand, he knew why his friend answered him that way. She had that weird compulsion to educate people on the matter of gender. Karamatsu did not mind at all because he was able to learn a lot from her but he was not so sure how his brothers would take it.

“Where’s Jyuushimatsu?” He asked, trying to change the subject.

Osomatsu signaled the kitchen with his head.

“He decided to make some tea because we can’t have cake without tea.”

But Totty did not let that go.

“I… I am a man, and a man should not be treated as…”

“You do realize that, by my country standards, the way you act and dress is not manly at all right?” Todomatsu wanted to answer back, but she did not give him the option. “Besides, male and female are cultural conceptions invented by humans in a cultural environment so their life would be simpler. But the reality is that those conceptions that are determined for us by other people even before we are born are old. Gender is a much bigger spectrum with has nothing to do with people’s genitals. On top of that, those concepts impose on us a lot of stereotypes based on sex that sink deeply into us because they are reinforced by the media. For example, a lot of people thinking that being a female is inferior or demeaning because females are weak, overemotional and sensitive while in reality, both men are female can be strong and sensible at the same time. So, that makes me wonder” she took a deep breath before going on. “You don’t want to be treated as a female, even if it there’s nothing wrong with females because they are human beings like you because you think they are inferior compared to men or because your own sense of manliness is so fragile that being compared to a female will break it?”

After that, Todomatsu became completely silent.  Karamatsu could see the brain cells of his brothers trying to process all that information that Yuki’s rhetorical question caused. He also had those moments when Yuki said things that were a mindblower to him… But once he accepted the fact that gender was a term in expansion and there was no right or wrong way to be or feel, then everything his friend said became easier to understand. Sometimes they had this long chats on the phone about how Japanese society treated women differently in such a subtle way that people as not unable to see it or about the fact that a lot of LGTBIQ people were ignored or used in media just as bait or as a misguided representation.  Those chats were his favourite… They helped him to learn a lot and see the world in a different light.

But his brothers were still fighting to try a way to answer to Yuki’s question, so he was glad when Jyuushimatsu came in with the tea.

“I’m back!!” he started serving everybody as carefully as he could. He first put the cups in order, the sugar pot in the middle and the spoons at the right of every cup. Then, and only then, he started pouring the green tea in each cup, moving fast between his brothers and their guest. “All done! Let’s have the cake, the cake!”

Choromatsu sighed.

“Sit down and calm down, I’ll cut the cake. Where’s the knife?”

Osomatsu passed him the knife, and Choromatsu began cutting. He made equal portions for all, so they soon were gathering in a circle around the kotatsu, eating and drinking tea. Only the sound of the forks against the plate and the occasional moaning of pleasure were heard in the room. Karamatsu became kind of nervous about the silence because he wanted to know if the rest liked the cake. He did. It was moist, not too sweet, and the vanilla flavour was invading his mouth in a good way but, sadly, the rest were completely quiet.

_Did I burn it?_ _No, the crust seemed fine. And it taste good. They are eating it after all, but they are not saying anything… Were they keeping quiet this whole time because they are afraid I have another attack?_

Karamatsu was starting to get nervous until Choromatsu left his cup over its plate and sighed.

“That’s a really nice cake.”

Karamatsu felt a rush of relief.

“Really?”

Jyuushimatsu hurried to get another piece.

“That cake’s a home run! More, more!”

Even Ichimatsu wanted more. Knowing that they liked it, he felt happy, relieved. But he could not let that feeling sink in because he had to make sure that his brothers left some cake for their parents to try. They called Matsuyo so she could drink tea with them and try a piece, while Totty made sure to save the last piece for their father in the fridge. Matsuyo praised both of her sons because, despite making the kitchen a mess, they were able to bake a cake without any problem and with only a little help. Karamatu’s cheeks were flushed with pride and pleasure.

He was useful, and he was being praised. No more Uselessmatsu for him. And the fact that there were no voices or whispers ruining the moment gave him a boost of courage, it helped him to feel renewed and strong. If he was able to keep that up, then things could be better for him.

No.

Things are definitely going to get better, I am sure of it.

Osomatsu interrupted his mental monologue, signaling with his head to over Karamatsu’s guitar case.

“So, why did you bring that thing here?”

“Eh?” He was practically forced to go back to reality. “Ah… Well, during the week I composed a song, and I wanted all of you to listen to it before I played it in Alterna. I mean, if you want. I know you find my music kind of annoying.”

“Huh?” Osomatsu licked some crumbs from his lips and laughed, patting his young brother’s back. “Dude, that was the past! I mean, yeah, your music used to be kind of odd and painful” Karamatsu glared at him, but Osomatsu kept talking like nothing was wrong. “But that was because you did not have all those theories and studies you have now. I mean, you learned a lot from going to the library, right? And you improved a lot on playing the guitar, so it doesn’t sound as… forced as it used to. The first time I saw you on that stage, in Alterna, I could barely recognize you.”

“You… Really?”

“That’s right!” Choromatsu butted in, smiling at him. “You know, I am not really into that kind of music. It’s… A mixture of pop and melodic, right? Or something like that? Well, I am not an expert, but I really like what you do. It’s nice.”

“I’m sure it’s way better than all that Nyaachan crap you listen to” That was Ichimatsu, taking advantage of the situation to make fun of Choro. His twin was already losing his temper, but the final blow was given by Yu, who was at first kind of busy exchanging recipes with Matsuyo but turned her head immediately at the mention of Nyaachan.

“Wha..? Nyaachan? But she doesn’t even write her own songs. What the heck, she doesn’t even sing! She uses auto-tune!”

“Noooo! Don’t say that about my beloved Nyaachan! She is cute and perfect and lovely! And… And…”

“And she doesn’t sing” Yuki did not let that go. “Which is kind of offensive to me, I’ve spent a lot of years learning how to sing in the chorus, and I’ve met thousands of talented people that did not make it into the industry. The fact that a fake idol that can’t even sing makes it and gets a lot of money for looking pretty without any real talent is… Infuriating”

Jyuushi gasped in surprise, as Choromatsu melted into the ground after hearing all those disheartening things about his beloved idol.

“Oh my god, you can sing Yuki-chan?! Can you?”

“Hum, yes. I was in the chorus of my first school back in Italy since I can remember. And when I came back here, I kept it for a while until my father wanted me to win trophies for singing, then I left it. But I kept practicing in secret.”

“That’s awesome! You and Karamatsu niisan should sing together!”

Yuki made a surprised expression for a second, before smiling and turning her eyes to Karamatsu. For some reason her smile made him blush, and his heart raced a bit. Her eyes were sparkling; he could not help but think how cute she looked like when her eyes did that. It made her look like a fairy planning to misbehave.

“Well, sure. But we should find a song that we both know, right? What do you think?”

“Oh, hum… Well…” Karamatsu cleared his throat, taken aback by his own thoughts. “As soon as I finish showing them my song, we could sing something that you like. What about something nice, romantic…?”

Yuki’s smile widened.

“In English? To check out how much your pronunciation has improved? We did use a song in our last class before Choromatsu took over. By the way, will he still help me with my Japanese? He seems kind of sad about Nyaachan.”

Karamatsu looked at his brother, who was in fetal position on the ground, crying and sobbing.

“Heh, my brothers is stronger than that! Besides, Choromatsu always keeps his promises. But yes, using that song is a good idea! It is romantic, just the kind of song I like.”

But because they just had eaten and also had a hot drink, they decided to wait for a while before singing. After all, Karamatsu learned the hard way that using his throat after hot or cold drinks was a very bad idea, and trying to breath using his diaphragm to increase the strength of his voice was actually extremely dangerous after eating. Having his diaphragm colliding constantly against his full stomach was painful and hard. One time he ended up puking. An experience too disgusting to forget about it, but it was more than enough to learn that his friend was right when she said that singing after eating was not good.

So they took their time, chatting about everyday stuff. Osomatsu was trying to explain the rules of horse racing to Yuki, as he wanted to invite her to the Hippodrome. She had never been there before, and she had never made a bet in the races, so Osomatsu immediately decided to invite her the next time they went to bet. Choromatsu, on the other hand, wanted to know more about her work with Nyaachan.

“Oh, it was terrible. She was complaining about everything. We were the ones who had to do complicated poses while she only had to look cute right between us, doing this” Yuki made the signature gesture of Nyaachan, moving her hands like they were cat paws. “I mean, some of us had to be holding ourselves in trapezes because the album had something to do with a circus.”

“Oh, right!  _ Trapeze Melody for my heart _ , that’s the album! It’s the one she made before…. Before… Before the tragedy.”

As Choromatsu started to cry and suffer in silence, Yuki turned to Karamatsu for an explanation. He chuckled, caressing his young brother’s back.

“Forgive him; he is still a little sad because Nyaachan got married and left the industry. She sings every now and then, but…”

Choromatsu cried with his face buried between his hands.

“It’s not the same! Nyaachan was ours!”

Yuki lifted one of her eyebrows.

“I could use this moment to destroy his perception about idols, but… We better leave him like this, right Jyuushimatsu?”

“Yeah! Choromatsu niisan would not be able to function without his idol dreams.”

Ichimatsu moved a little bit, petting Suzu, who was still very happy on Yuki’s lap. There was something he wanted to say, as he had been waiting for a while. But nobody did anything, and it seemed like they were forgetting. Ichimatsu wanted to make them remember, but he was too embarrassed to say anything. So he went as close as he could to the girl, doing his best not to peek over her cleavage and to not to be jealous of the cat in her lap.

“You two…”

Yuki heard him and turned her head to him so that she could hear his mumblings better.

“You were… Going to sing, right? The two of you.”

He wanted to hear Karamatsu sing, but he’d rather throw himself through the window than say it out loud. Yuki remembered, thanks to God, and clapped her hands to get everybody’s attention.

“Right, right, we were about to sing! Karamatsu, you go first.”

Karamatsu’s eyes gleamed as his brothers started to get excited about the prospect of hearing him sing. Even his mother came back from the kitchen and sat next to the kotatsu with everybody else. He had never seen his family excited about his music, so he had to push the tears back.  He felt loved, cherished, maybe for the first time in a long, long time. He could see his own shadow flickering and one of the shadow Matsu’s coming out of it, hissing.

_ They are just humoring you. _

_ They never cared.      _ __

_ It’s just guilt. They’ll ignore you as always. _

He shook his head, doing his best effort to ignore the voice and the pain in his gut while he took out his guitar from its chase. His brothers were counting on him; they wanted to hear his music. His mother’s eyes were gleaming with pride. The voices were wrong; he was sure they were wrong. He just had to ignore them.

So he started playing his guitar, taking a few moments to breathe in and get ready.

 

**_The shadows are flickering again,_ **

**_Climbing over me._ **

**_I can see them everywhere._ **

**_Trying to pull me down._ **

**_Trying to pull my whole world down._ **

**_Every glance, every hit, every moment in pain._ **

**_Every moment in silence, every crash, every disgrace._ **

**_They are always there, lingering to me._ **

**_Is there a reason why they are here, trying to hunt me down?_ **

 

The song started as a sad one. Karamatsu could feel the sadness filling the room, the mixed feelings. But he was not going to stop; the song did not end there.

 

**_If there is a reason why they are here…_ **

**_I am not going to wait for it. I am not going to wait for it._ **

**_I am going to fight with all my might!_ **

**_I am going to fight, and scream, and be strong._ **

**_Pulling my world together, reaching towards the sun._ **

**_Nothing will take me down, as long as I can run._ **

**_I will climb at a steady peace,_ **

**_I won’t rest till I find peace._ **

**_I won’t go without a fight._ **

**_The shadows can come and go,_ **

**_But I am the only thing I can control._ **

**_So I will go on._ **

**_I will go on._ **

**_Nothing will stop me,  not the stares,_ **

**_Or the doubts of everybody else._ **

**_Not the gossip or the wishes of someone else._ **

**_I will go on. I’ll keep walking on._ **

**_Running towards the sun._ **

 

Karamatsu finished the song and put his guitar down. He was already prepared to be encountered with snickers and annoyed comments about how shitty his music was, but when he lifted his eyes, he could only see his family’s eyes glowing. Ichimatsu and Totty looked like they were about to cry, Osomatsu and Choromatsu had their mouth wide open, and Matsuyo had one hand over her mouth. Slowly, she smiled and started clapping at his son’s song. The rest clapped too, screaming in joy while they threw themselves to his brothers.

“Karamatsu niisan, that was awesome!” Totty said, clinging to him. “And I recorded everything! I’ll upload it, and you’ll have thousands of Karamatsu Girls! But you’ll have to take me to dates with them too, okay?”

“Wha…?” he could barely believe it. Jyuushimatsu was climbing over his back, and he had to put his guitar away so they wouldn’t break it. Even Yuki was laughing, giving him the thumbs up. Karamatsu remembered how ashamed he used to be of his music, of his songs. He never thought that somebody would like them at all and now he had a place in Alterna, with people waiting for him every Friday and Saturday…  And now, finally, after years of waiting, his family was giving him some recognition.

He had to admit to himself that the feeling was indeed nice. It felt warming, like a heavy warm liquid going from his chest through the rest of his body, pumping his heart harder than usual. But at the same time, even when that feeling was incredible and great, it was not the overwhelming feeling of greatness and happiness he imagined during all those years of being ignored. He always dreamed of that day… The day when his family would finally respect him, treat him as an equal. The magical day when they would come to their senses and see how cool he was, how good he could sing and play music, the day they would notice him there and see that he was not useless after all.

And even in this moment, a moment that he had fantasized about for years, was happening already… It was not as good as he thought it would be. Of course, it felt amazing, and he was utterly happy. But he was the same. No matter how much he looked at his hands, at his house, at his brothers or his guitar, everything ended up being the same. There was no sudden change, and nothing was out of the ordinary. No beam of sunlight, no visible change in him. Karamatsu thought about the feeling that singing in Alterna gave him with a lot of people screaming his nickname, singing along to him and then waiting for him so they could talk to him or take a picture. He realized that he wanted more of that feeling… Not that he wanted to be a superstar that made the crowds roar in incredible expensive concerts like Aerosmith or Teen Top, or The Gazette.

He just wanted to make people happy with his music. Like all those boys and girls that came looking for advice because they had to live a fake life as they couldn’t be who they really were because they were different and they could be abandoned by their families.

He wanted his songs to give solace to those who were hurting, just like him and the people in Alterna.

Now with a new purpose in mind, he could give himself the time to the joy of his family praising him a little bit.

“Yes, you have indeed improved a lot,” Choromatsu said, as he looked at his scarred hands. “You even have a new set of calluses now. Keep that up, and you won’t get a girlfriend, Karamatsu.”

He just gave him a smug smile, posing with his guitar.

“My only lover is my guitar. Isn’t that right, Caroline?”

Osomatsu laughed loudly, as always, but Choromatsu just made a gesture that could only be described as a pout while his eyes became blank.

“You gave it a name? You named a damned guitar? What the heck, Karamatsu?

But Karamatsu decided to push Choromatsu’s buttons, especially when he saw the rest of his brothers and even Yuki covering their mouths and their shoulders shaking in an attempt not to laugh. So he went further and kissed his guitar, hugging it tightly.

“Don’t listen to him, baby. He can’t understand what we have.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

And that’s all that was needed to make Choromatsu burst in his ego anger, and the rest laughed, holding their ribcage as Choromatsu’s rant about Karamatsu being wrong in the head for talking to his guitar became bigger and bigger. In the end, the righteous virgin gave up, allowing the rest to stop laughing for a while. Yuki suddenly took Suzu out from her lap, passing it carefully to its right owner, before going to sink down next to Karamatsu. She cleared her throat, breathed in and out a few moments, using her solar plexus.

“Okay, now I am ready. We promised we would sing together, right?”

“Oh, yeah!” he suddenly remembered, so he grabbed Caroline again and put it on his lap, trying to remember the song they used for practicing during their English classes together. “Just give me a moment…”

“You don’t remember the lyrics?”

Karamatsu shook his head.

“No, no, I am trying to remember the song. I mean, the sound, the music… How can I forget the lyrics? I’ve been practicing for weeks with those!”

Jyuushimatsu and Matsuyo gave the couple a confused look, so Osomatsu chuckled.

“Karamatsu finally realized that his English sucked, so he decided to have classes with Yuki. And it seems he improved a lot, and now he doesn’t sound so weird.”

Yuki nodded, patting Kara’s head with pride.

“Of course, we have been practicing a lot. But there are some things that I learned by myself, and I can’t teach them properly, so we asked Choromatsu to give us a hand. And he also is helping me with my Japanese… By the way, thanks for the book you gave me. It helps a lot, but I still have problems with my reading.”

Choromatsu flushed heavily, trying to lessen the importance of it.

“It’s nothing. I am just helping my brother and a friend…. “

“Ohhhhh!” Jyuushimatsu butted in, tilting his head to the side. “You can’t read adult kanji, Yuki? Why, whyyy? “

She seemed surprised that Jyuushi didn’t know about it, she probably thought that Choro or Kara would’ve mentioned it earlier. But since the yellow Matsuno did not know, Yuki explained to him that she actually didn’t know how to use or read adult’s kanji as that’s information a person learns in high school. She seemed a little embarrassed about it, or so the blush on her cheeks indicated, but nevertheless, the girl kept smiling and acting like it didn’t really matter.

“I left school when I was young, so I never had the chance to learn properly. I know some bits that learned while working, but nothing much. I was lucky that in my college they forgave my lack of knowledge about kanji during the first year due to the fact that I am a foreigner and that I come from a country in which the mother language is derived from Latin… Which it’s completely different to Japanese. But nowadays my teachers have become stricter about it, so they are lowering my grades whenever I don’t write my essays the right way. That’s why I need Choromatsu help right now.”

“But why didn’t you study that before?”

“Honestly I wanted to postpone it as much as I could because I suck at it. Besides, between my job and the whole situation I was going through I thought it would be best to do it later.”

Choromatsu lifted his finger, going on about how reckless that was because she was not going to be able to find a proper job if she could not use the proper Kanji. Yuki just smiled, and Karamatsu knew that she wanted to say something to him, but she was being polite. Not that he could not understand her… Having to endure a lecture from a guy who had never worked before when she already had two jobs, and a career  was probably a little irritating. But deep inside Karamatsu knew that his brother had good intentions, so he let it slide and winked an eye at her, calming her down.

“B-besides, a proper lady has to be able to read adult’s kanji, so I’ll be tougher on our next class!”

Yuki smiled widely and, with her most cutesy voice, she answered:

“Yes, Choromatsu sensei.”

Everybody gasped at the same time that Choromatsu’s face became beetle red and fell straight over the kotatsu with a loud bang and then the blood started to come out.  Yuki worried, of course, but Ichimatsu stopped her and told her that it was normal for Fappymatsu to act like that.

“So don’t worry about him and just sing for us, okay?”

“If you say so. Karamatsu…?”

Her voice trailed off, as she was just wondering if he could remember. But Karamatsu nodded, smiling smugly as he gave her the thumbs up.

“Hell yeah, baby! Er… I mean…” he cleared his throat, trying to hide the blush in his cheeks. He was so excited that he lost his cool “Of course I am, my kitten.”

Then he started to play, following the song they used to practice with his guitar. The first sentence was sung by the male lead, so it was his time to shine.

 

**_Beauty queen of only eighteen,_ **

**_She had some trouble with herself._ **

**_He was always there to help her…_ **

 

Yuki seemed so pleased. She was probably happy that he finally got better with English. He had been practicing a lot, reviewing the notes he took from his classes, listening to music in English so he could repeat it and get better, he even started watching shows in English using Totty’s smartphone and, sometimes, he borrowed Yuki’s laptop when she was not using it, so he could learn English online. Finally, it was her turn. Karamatsu was almost trembling with joy, in expectation, as he wanted his whole family to be enthralled with his kitten’s lovely voice. He was still amazed by all the different kinds of pitches and tones that she was able to do, even though she told him that it was normal and that he was going to be able to do the same if he kept practicing.

 

**_I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door._ **

**_I’ve had you so many times, but somehow I want more…_ **

 

Then they started singing together. Every now and then they had those little jam sessions which were not really jam sessions, as they normally did it when they were having a picnic in the bar or when they were practicing English.

 

**_I don't mind spending every day._ **

**_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_ **

**_Look for the girl with the broken smile_ **

**_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_ **

**_And she will be loved_ **

 

But Karamatsu loved singing with Yuki, the way she seemed to enjoy the music with her closed eyes and how their voices, so different from each other, seemed to complement. He had to write a song that the two of them could sing together, he was sure of that.

When the song was finished, the two of them were covered in praise and applauses. Yuki’s cheeks were slightly pinkish, but she still smiled happily.

“Now, now, it’s not a big deal. I can sing because I was in the chorus, it’s not so great.”

“But it’s nice!” Osomatsu stretched, letting himself fall into the ground over his back. “Man, I can’t do anything like that. Well, I used to do ballet, but…”

Yuki then widened her eyes.

“You did ballet too?”

“Oh, god. You too? You got to be shittin’ me! Well… It does explain your legs….” He signaled Yuki’s thick and trained legs, wiggling his eyebrows at the same time. Yuki just untangled her legs and stopped being on her knees doing a weird and flexible movement, stretching them a little bit. “Wow…”

“You mean these old things? I stopped doing ballet a long time ago, the structured movements did not work for me. Too many rules, you know?” she laughed, seemingly ignoring the fact that the guys were still trying to figure out how did she do what she did. “And honestly I suck at dancing. I can copy somebody else’s choreography with some practice if I want to, but I can’t create my own choreography at all. Nah, I’ve been doing acrobatic sports for some years. That’s how you get this legs and…. Guys?”

Jyuushimatsu was the first one to talk.

“Do that again!” Yuki looked completely confused, so he started moving and twitching around, to the point that he tried to do the same but with no avail. “That thing! How did you do that?”

She then understood and laughed.

“Just practice, really. It’s not that hard after you do it almost every day.”

She was on her knees again and spread them just enough so she could support herself putting her hands on the ground, right between her knees. Then she just passed her legs to the front, one at a time, touching the floor the whole time. Only her knees and lower legs moved. Fascinated, they asked her to do the same thing for a few more times, before she got bored.

“That’s awesome!” Osomatsu could not help but grin while flushing, and then he started chuckling in a weird way. He was, obviously, thinking about perverted things.

Karamatsu hit him right on his ribcage as subtly as he could, thanking that Yuki was too busy showing off her flexibility to Totty and Jyuushi, who were more interested in the difficulty of the task rather than thinking of perverted uses for that flexibility.

“You should come to one of my classes,” Yuki said, laughing and Totty was eager to do so.

Little by little, the conversation started to drift to the spring festival that they were going to see that Saturday. Todomatsu was showing pictures of the yukata he wanted to use because his old one was out of fashion and he was tired of using the same kind of patterns that his brothers.

“I mean, it’s enough with having the same face, right?”

“I can understand that. I hated being the same as my brother and my father had this thing… He made use the same clothes. I mean, the same patterns, the same colours. It was infuriating” Yuki said, stretching a little bit. “That Yukata looks nice… It’s a shame I won’t use one.”

Karamatsu lifted his face in surprise, with his mouth wide open.

“Whaaaaaat?! But… But it’s a spring festival; you have to wear a Yukata!”

Yu sighed, watching her cell phone for a moment.

“I know, I know, but I have three photoshoots, a lot of projects for school and I have to cover for one of my co-workers if I want to be free on Saturday to go to the festival, so I won’t have time to buy a Yukata big enough to fit me and less time I have to make it on my own in a week. So, no yukata this time.  I’ll try to buy one for the next festival, mmkay?”

“But…”

He was so eager to see Yuki in a Yukata. Karamatsu was convinced that his dear friend would look astonishing in one of those, like a lovely fairy or a wild spirit of the woods. With her mixed race features and her white skin, Kara just knew that a Yukata would look adorable on her even if it was kind of difficult to find one in her size or that could shape her body graciously. Yuki then said that it was late and that she had to come back home. She said her goodbyes from everybody, including Matsuyo that begged her all over again to date on of her NEET sons, and then Karamatsu accompanied her to the bus stop. During the short walk, they took the time to chat about things that they normally didn’t say in front of others like Karamatsu’s dreams, Yuki’s projects or they just simply enjoyed the silence.

Being surrounded by five guys who made even more noise than a group of kids could be tiring sometimes.

“Thanks for walking with me, Karaboy”

She said before giving him a kiss on the cheek like it was her custom. He waved at her, watching until the bus became a dot in the distance.

_ What a shame… I am glad she’ll come, even if she has to crack her back during this whole week only to have her Saturday free but… It’s not the whole experience if she is not wearing a Yukata. _

But Yu was tall and with her body not being what Japanese girls normally had so finding a yukata was something that could take a day or two, and she definitely did not have that time. So Karamatsu gave up, walking down the street to his home until he remembered something that his mother told him that day. Before Karamatsu noticed it, he was running to the point that he came into the house and he almost knocked Choromatsu down on his way towards the kitchen, where their mother was getting ready for supper.

“Mommy! Did Yu leave her  flour-covered clothes here by any chance?”

Weirded out by such a question, Matsuyo took her time to answer.

“Yes… Oh, Karamatsu. Please tell me you are not thinking about doing something weird.”

“Eh?”

“I already have to hide them from your brothers, don’t make me think that the lack of girlfriend is affecting you too.”

“Wha..? No, no, whatever you are thinking… No” apparently, he had to hit his brothers harder, even when he was not in favour of violence. He could not let them go just like that if any of them wanted Yu’s clothes. “Do you have any old yukatas from when you were expecting us, by any chance?”

“Of course I have!” she said, proudly, all while cutting some vegetables. “I am very proud of how I kept all my old clothes. They are in perfect condition. Some mothers just leave them like that, and the yukatas rot away but not mine, not mine at all.”

“Do you…” he swallowed hard, just hoping that his mother would not think badly of him. He would have to explain her whole plan to her, anyway. “Do you think you can give me one of them? Please, I need it. It’s for a surprise!”

Matsuyo just looked at him, narrowing her eyes.

“What kind of surprise…?”

 

Choromatsu came back home being so happy that he could barely hide it. After being a nervous wreck for weeks, he finally had his driving test and passesd it without missing a beat. No mistakes at all, he had a perfect grade.  Now that he had a job and a driver’s license, he was ready to save some money to get his own car. Of course that he knew that he had to move out eventually, but for now having his own ride was the first thing he needed… He would not be ready to move out until he had a more “decent” job, even when a part of his mind told him that it would be better to just leave before anybody found out he worked as an okama.

But he had been talking to Yuki the day before, during one of their classes. She was improving kind of slowly, as she kept mixing the sounds and the symbols, and sometimes her pronunciation became entangled with her Italian accent. But she did her best, so he tried to be nice to her. During one of their breaks and while eating the cinnamon cookies that Yuki got him as payment (which were completely delicious) he asked her if it was true that she had a friend in the idol industry.

“Yup, he is a stylist. He sometimes gets some Photoshoots for me when they are looking for something more exotic, like that time with Nyaachan. He also has a thing with a manager, though that’s a secret. Why?”

After that, he covered with questions. He needed to know how to become an Idol Manager. For an instant, his dreams seemed to be crushed when she made a list of the kind of studies a manager needed to, but he was sure that he could do it. There were places where he could study in a short period of time, even if those schools were expensive.  Now that he had a job, he was able to do it.

“You can also start from the bottom, even if you did not finish your studies,” Yuki said, frowning at the sight of a new worksheet of kanjis for her to complete. “It’s a lot of hard work, though”

So now, he had a plan. After passing his tests and being rewarded with his license, he traveled all the way to an academy where he could start studying everything that he needed with complementary classes online. Choromatsu had to give up a lot of money, but it was worth it if he worked quickly, if he busted his ass and did the right thing, then he could ask Yuki to help him to get into the industry. Even if he had to start from the very bottom, he was sure that he could make it to the top if he put his mind into it.

So now, after a brief celebration with his family in his honour, he was already reading the first chapter of one of the three books he had to buy. At least his parents gave him a little allowance for his needs after seeing how much he spent on those things. Now that everybody besides Jyuushimatsu and Osomatsu were more serious about their jobs and studies, their parents seemed more than happy to give them money.

Maybe the fact that they stopped going to pachinko and the horse races helped a bit.

Choromatsu lifted his nose from his book. Jyuushimatsu was outside, training as always. Ichimatsu was sending messages using his phone, to his surprise. He was probably in some cat forum, getting ready for his first day at the cat’s refuge which was the next Monday, right after the festival Todomatsu was hidden between piles of fashion magazines, hairstyle magazines, he was also reading a book that explained how to become self-employed by using the right marketing and self-promotion.

_ It seems that being a personal Image consultant is harder than I thought.  _

Choromatsu thought, looking at some books on psychology and communications that his brother hid under a lot of magazines.

Karamatsu was training on the roof, but a quick glance at the clock told him that he was about to finish. Apparently, his doctor recommended him to have a set routine to help him improve with his anxiety attacks, so he had a set time for almost everything he did, even that weird sewing project that had him fully occupied during the last three days.

Osomatsu, on the other hand, was on the floor, reading manga and scratching his butt. Choromatsu was kind of glad that his eldest brother did not throw a tantrum when he came home with the books and the news that he was now studying in a short career academy, though sometimes during his explanation about why he was going to start a career after all this time Osomatsu became too quiet and mumbled things to himself.

Whether his eldest still had trouble with them progressing or not, he had no time for that. It was something that Osomatsu had to deal with by himself. He told him already to go and see a shrink but saying that to a person that does not want to do anything because it’s “too bothersome” ended up being pointless.

Choromatsu looked at Osomatsu’s back for a moment, worrying. Then he sighed and kept reading. They had all wasted too much time, and now they had to catch up to the rest, there was no point in waiting for his eldest if he did not want to improve.

So he kept reading.

Ichimatsu texted as fast as he could. He only lifted his head a little bit when he heard something outside the room. His cat ears showed up for a second, moving a little until he recognized Karamatsu’s footsteps. Soon, his older brother was in the room with a box filled with things… Embroideries, needles, thread, ribbons, a glue gun, little bags with shiny things and a pair of scissors. He had been doing that during the last few days, ever since Yuki told him that she was not going to use a Yukata during the festival. If he remembered correctly, he asked, no, begged their mother to lend him one of her old yukatas so he could make a few adjustments to it.

He was surprised that his mom accepted because she cherished her old yukatas. During the first day, he saw Karamatsu using those clothes that Yu left when he and Totty covered her (and the kitchen) in flour. Of course, they were washed, ironed and delivered to their rightful owner but not before Karamatsu used them as a guide to have Yuki’s measurements.

Or at least, that’s what Ichimatsu believed that his brother did with them. His phone buzzed in his hand, making him look at it again and avert his eyes from a happy Karamatsu, who seemed to be adding tulle to his own version of a yukata.

<<You want to be a veterinary?>>

Ichimatsu gulped. Even Akihiko seemed impressed by his words.

<<I know I may be too old, but…>>

<<No, it’s not that. I am just happy! I knew you had it in you. I think you can do it. I won’t lie, it’s hard. But I can help you whenever you need it. And if you think it’s too much, you can always train to become a nurse or an assistant>>

He smiled, moving only the tip of his tail due to the relief he was feeling now.

<<You can come to my school. It’s a public school, so you will only have to worry about the materials, and I can lend you some of them. I have a lot of books and PDF’s from the Internet that I can lend to you. You have tons of classes at different times…”

Ichimatsu thought about it, hearing Karamatsu humming happily while sewing. Totty also made a sound every now and then, but nothing more than a surprised gasp or a focused mumbling.

<<What about the admission test?>>

<<I’ll help you with that. With study and practice, you’ll ace it. I can use my own test to guide you!” Akihiko also sent a lot of happy and excited emojis. It was curious to him that his friend always looked composed and serious to other people, but he let Ichimatsu see another side of himself. If what a person said could be seen like subtitles in real life, Akihiko’s burst of emotions would probably be seen  as filled with emojis and emoticons as his messages. He could not help but smile, faintly, wondering what the heck a social and friendly person like Akihiko could see in a piece of crap like him who was barely able to talk to others. Sometimes he reminded him of Karamatsu with his positive attitude and his insistence on seeing only the good side of people.

But, unlike before, now it did not bother him at all. Ichimatsu even found his friend’s personality kind of refreshing to the point that talking to him or seeing him could make him feel better after a rough day.

_ Maybe that’s what Karamatsu felt with Yu-san. _

Ichi wondered in his mind about it for a little while before shrugging and texting all over again.

<<Okay, I‘ll give it a try. Can you come with me to college on Thursday? I would probably piss my pants if I go alone>>

<<I don’t mind but, wouldn’t you rather go with one of your family?>>

Ichimatsu scoffed and looked at his brothers. Choro and Totty were busy studying, especially Todomatsu because he had an exam soon. Jyuushi would probably wreak havoc right on the campus and Karamatsu…  Karamatsu was probably a good choice, but his brother had to finish that yukata he was fixing for Yuki and Ichimatsu did not want to bother him. There was little time for him to finish it so Kara had to use every free hour he had wisely and Ichimatsu knew that if he asked his brother to accompany him, he would gladly accept even if that meant not finishing his gift for his friend.

Normally Ichimatsu wouldn’t even want Karamatsu to know about his intentions to study again, but now things were different. He had the feeling that Karamatsu would understand him, maybe even prompt him to go and do his best. That’s why Ichimatsu did not want to bother him, not when Karamatsu was making a great effort to give Yuki a nice surprise. His parents were out of the question. He did not want them to know in case he failed because it would get their hopes up. So now he was left with only one option, but the very idea was completely wiped from his mind as soon as he saw Osomatsu’s back.

There was no way in hell he was going  to let Osomatsu know about it, much less accompany him. Though he cared about his brothers, he could not forget the fact that it was Osomatsu himself who told him that he was not good enough to be a veterinarian. He probably said something like that to each of his brothers. Ichimatsu closed his eyes, squeezing his cell phone for a moment before writing.

<<No, they are busy. But I understand if you can’t come with me>>

<<Don’t say that! Of course I can come. But it will have to be during the afternoon, I have to work during the morning>>

With that settled, Ichimatsu began to arrange a time and place to meet his friend so they could go to the university together.

“Damn…”

Karamatsu made a pained sound, again. Even though he was pretty good at sewing, sometimes he would pinch his own fingers with the needle. That’s why he had  band-aids on three fingers in each hand, but a little bit of pain and blood was not going to stop him now that he was so close to finishing.  The festival was in three days, and he had to make sure that Yuki’s yukata was completely finished and perfect.  It was the least he could do for his friend after she had helped him so many times to improve his perfect fashion.

The arms were finally done, and he was convinced that the lace looked pretty good, but also the ribbon he added to the lace in the sleeves so it would look even prettier. He was not as good with women’s fashion as it was with men’s so he had to ask Todomatsu what kind of skirt would look good on someone like Yuki.

“Well, her hips are kind of big, and her waist is small compared to Japanese girls,” Totty said that day, still with his nose inside a book of etiquette. “She should be fine with a pleated skirt or a nice skirt that goes down and embraces her hips, as longs as they fit her properly on her waist.”

“Thanks, brother. You are a life saver!”

So now he was working with the skirt. He made a loose skirt, just a little pleated to give it form and it was composed of three different parts that were sewn one over the other. Each of these parts had the hems covered in lace, decorated with little white pearls. Even when he wanted to cover the whole suit with shiny metal things and bedazzle it, he realized that was not precisely Yuki’s style, so he had no choice that put the decorations with moderation.

As soon as he finished that, he would be able to work on the waist and add some accessories.

_ Maybe I should decorate her sandals too. Add lace to the neck. This won’t hold up with a traditional obi, though. _

He decided to make a  _ heko obi _ with a big piece of silk and replace the traditional  _ hanhaba obi _ with a decorative rope that matched the colour of the Yukata.  He was happy with the results of his hard work, as the yukata looked very lovely but he was also proud of his choice of colour. He had a tough time choosing between his mother’s old yukatas… There was one that was pink and white, another one that was black and pink and a third one that was blue with salmon. He ended up with the one with blue and salmon because none of those colours reminded him of his brothers. The thread even had a lovely print of amaryllis flowers, so he decided to enhance that colour with the faux pearls and the ribbons on the sleeves. He was still doubting about adding silver glitter here and there, but for now Karamatsu put all his effort in finishing it before adding more decorations.

His mother was helping him every now and then whenever he got lost and his brothers, for the first time ever, were not making fun of his project. Jyuushimatsu was even happy about it and wanted him to decorate his own yukata for the festival while the rest told him that it was not as painful as the rest of the things he used to make.

He decided to take that as a compliment.

Karamatsu kept working on the yukata each day, while still practicing with his guitar and going to work to Alterna during the weekends. He also remembered to work out… Only his lack of sleep could be a hindrance because the dreams came back with a deadly force lately, but at least now he had his family’s support. His brothers stayed with him until he had calm down and they gave him a cup of warm milk or even prompted him to call his doctor or his friend if that helped him to feel better. But that night he did not want to sleep, not after the nightmares he had been suffering, so he kept himself occupied with the yukata until his eyelids closed themselves and he fell asleep over the kotatsu, with the thread and lace still in his hands.

Unbeknownst to Karamatsu, a figure moved in the dark and came close to him, covering him with a blanket.  It softly removed the dangerous things from Karamatsu’s hands, putting everything back in the box, including the yukata. That way the poor guy would not hurt himself while sleeping nor he would damage his surprise for his best friend.

With a sigh, the figure played with Karamatsu’s hair a little bit.

“We really are different, huh? Even if we have the same face… It’s pathetic that I can only do this for you.”

It closed the windows and doors, not wanting Karamatsu to get cold during the night.

“I am sorry I can’t be a better older brother.”

And with that, the figure disappeared into the shadows of the hall. There were a few things he still had to do.

 

When the day of the festival finally came, Karamatsu could barely contain himself. He was a rushing mess of happiness, pacing all over the house like a caged animal with his eyes glimmering in joy. He could barely wait for Yuki, who was coming to his house to see him so they could go all together to the festival. He and his brothers were already using their own yukatas, except Todomatsu who was turning their room upside down looking for something and Jyuushi who was in the attic doing who knows what.

He was so hyped that did not realize the state that his youngest brother was in until he came down to the living room where the rest of the family was waiting and saw his eyes red and teary.

“God, Totty. What’s wrong? You look like you are about to cry”

He indeed was.  He was even trembling and biting his lips. Immediately the rest stopped what they were doing and came closer to them.

“It’s… It’s… My notes.  Even some of the magazines that I had with notes in them. I have a test on etiquette and good manners next week, then another one of marketing and I can’t find my notebook. My comprehension charts, my notes from class, references… Everything was in my notebook, and I can’t find it” Todomatsu clenched his fists in a fit of stress- filled rage. “I won’t be able to pass!”

“Wow…” That was something serious. “Now, calm down. We can help you to look, maybe you left it somewhere else, and you don’t remember? It’s just a notebook, it could not leave the house on its own”

Choromatsu nodded, crossing his arms over his chest.

“That’s right! I’ll look on the upper floor with Ichimatsu, you look here with Karamatsu. Osomatsu, search around the house and….”

“I can call the cats” Ichimatsu mumbled, getting ready to look for it, but Totty cried and shook his head.

“No! I already checked everything! I searched this house from head to bottom, and I can’t find it! I found more porn magazines than my notebook.”

“Even so, we have to search.”

In the end, even with Totty’s complaints, they formed a search party and started checking out the entire house.  But no matter what they did, the notebook did not appear. They looked at every piece of furniture, even under them just to make sure. But they could not find anything, and Todomatsu became restless. It was about time to leave, and yet they could not find it. Karamatsu knew that Yuki was probably getting home soon, but he would not be able to enjoy the festival while his brother was in such a state. Everybody was getting on their nerves, not knowing what to do… Until the doorbell rang and Jyuushimatsu came down from the attic at high speed.

“Yuki-san is heeeere! We’ll go to the festival, festival!”

Chromatsu sighed, feeling bad for cutting his young brother enthusiastic chant.

“No, Jyuushimatsu. Totty is not feeling well… I don’t think we can go.”

Jyuushimatsu blinked twice.

“Why?”

“He… He can’t find his notebook. The one he uses for classes and he has some tests next week and…” Todomatsu made a painful sound, as he was containing his tears. He seemed really upset, to the point that his shoulders were shaking from the stress.

Jyuushimatsu was about to say something, but Osomatsu cut him off, patting his youngest back gently.

“It is alright, Totty. You can try those tests again later, right?” of course he could not. It was expensive re-taking the tests, and they all knew it. Totty was working hard and taking all the extra hours he could so he could pay it. Even so, Osomatsu scratched under his nose while smiling smugly like he always did. “Worst case scenario, you can always come back home with us!”

“That’s the worst thing that could happen, Osomatsu niisan!” Todomatsu cried, getting away from him. “I want to have a job and leave the house! I want to be somebody, so I can get a girlfriend and climb the social scale! You may be happy being a nobody, but I am sick of it.”

The eldest expression changed for a second, just a little second. Jyuushimatsu noticed it, even Karamatsu had a little glimpse of it, but he was too busy trying to comfort Totty to pay real attention to it. And Osomatsu masked it pretty quickly.

“Well, this nobody is not shaking because he lost a stupid notebook.”

As Choromatsu was about to yell at his eldest, Jyuushimatsu ran away from the room and wandered through the whole house at an alarming speed. He even let marks on the wooden floor from which smoke came out. Just as their parent were talking to Yuki in the hall, maybe trying to make some time for them to get ready, Jyuushi stopped in his tracks with a brown notebook in his hands and covered in dirt.

“Is this your book, Todomatsu?”

They all went speechless. Specially Totty, until he jumped from his seat and crushed Jyuushimatsu between his arms, too glad to say anything. Ichimatsu sighed, happy that the whole issue seemed resolved.

“Well, at least that’s done. Where did you find it, Jyuushi?”

“It was around the house, I thought everybody saw it” Yuki came into the room with Matsuyo and Matsuzo, and they all looked a little confused at the scene. “Oh, hi Yuki-san! You ready for the festival?”

He gave them all his biggest grin.

“I was born ready! But guys… You don’t seem ready yet. Is something wrong?”

Karamatsu did not answer and rushed to him, hugging him tightly.

“My dearest! You finally came! Oh, the shining gleam from the stars is as dull as copper compared to you. You look great! How were your photoshoots? Aren’t you tired? Todomatsu, why don’t you go get ready while I give something fresh to our guest?”

Todomatsu was still a little emotional, so he just nodded and left to put his notebook in a more proper place while he changed into the yukata. The rest just sat around the kotatsu, while talking casually, except for Osomatsu who grabbed Jyuushimatsu by one of his sleeves.

“Jyuushi… What you did… It was a very nice thing. Helping your brother like that. If it wasn’t for you, probably nobody would have found the notebook… Don’t you think?”

Jyuushi squinted his eyes for a second, then he smiled like he always did.

“Of course! I will always be here to help my brothers! Isn’t that what we should do, Osomatsu nii-san?”

Jyuushimatsu pierced Osomatsu with his lovely smile to the point that Osomatsu, who was completely blank, smiled and caressed his head.

“Yeah. They are lucky to have someone like you here. Really, really lucky.”

And then he went to the table, talking lightly like the rest. But Jyuushimatsu kept looking at him, wondering what to do now.

_ It seems I have to pay attention and be ready for anything. _

With that in mind, he went to the kotatsu with the rest. Karamatsu was talking about the marvelous surprise he had prepared for Yuki, and he seemed to be excited about it. Though the rest of the Matsuno’s looked at each other with doubt painted clearly in their eyes. Not because the yukata Karamatsu modified wasn’t pretty, but because Yuki seemed to be in a manly day. Or unisex day, none of them were entirely sure. He was wearing jeans, boots, a flannel reds t-shirt with skulls on it and his beanie. They could not even see his hair because he had it tied up into a bun hidden inside the beanie. And the lack of boobs told them that he was using his binder. Even Karamatsu was using “he/him” pronouns with his friend, so the others were not quite sure that he was going to like a feminine yukata with lace and ribbons.

“Just wait here! I’ll fetch it for you!” Karamatsu said, running upstairs to get his gift for his friend while Yuki laughed at his enthusiasm.

“He seems really happy today. I wonder what’s into him.”

Ichimatsu moved awkwardly beside her.

“Hum, he… He made something for you. For the festival. But it’s… It´s kind of girly and cute.”

“Ah, I see” she smiled gently, while waiting for Karamatsu and did not say a thing. At least not about the gift. He kept talking about his job and the photo-shoots he had to make for the week to a very excited Jyuushimatsu. The rest of the twins were on edge, even Totty when he came down and Choromatsu whispered into his ears what was happening.

When Karamatsu came down, they all held their breath. He handed a medium box with a ribbon on it to Yuki, who looked at it and smiled before opening it up. They all saw the dude's eyes get wide as they could while taking the yukata and examining it with an expression that was a mixture of surprise and shock. They also saw Karamatsu’s back stiffen, his eyes fixed on his friend’s face. They knew he wanted his approval. He wanted him to like the gift he worked so much on. The brothers remembered all those times that Karamatsu gave them tank tops with their faces on it, all made by himself, and all the times they ended up burning them.

The sextuplets swallowed when Yuki measured the cotton yukata-dress against his body… And then he smiled broadly, going as far to hug Karamatsu.

“This is lovely, Karamatsu. I can’t believe you made something that could fit me! And… Oh, look at your hands! You didn’t have to, really.”

“I… I…. wanted to. You are my special person, right? My friend deserves to use a beautiful yukata on its first spring festival. Well,”  he corrected himself. “not exactly your first festival, but it’s your first festival with the sextuplets Matsuno.”

“Damn right! And I hope we have more! Now, is there a room where I can get changed? With the binder and all that this will take a while.”

Like last time, Matsuyo told her that she could use her and her husband’s bedroom to change and even guided Yuki to the room.  Yuki went along, apparently really excited to try on the new garment that Karamatsu gave her, and as soon she was out of sight the blue Matsuno let himself drop right next to the table, resting his head on it.

“Goodness, what a relief. I thought he was going to hate it. I mean, he is a pro at this kind of stuff, and here I was trying to improve a yukata for him”

Choromatsu, realizing that this yukata thing was really important for his older brother, smiled gently. After all he saw himself how diligently his brother worked on that gift for Yuki, but he seemed so confident about it that he never thought of the possibility of him being nervous about it.

_ Maybe Karamatsu it not really as confident and shameless as we all thought. _

But then again, he could also not deny his surprise when he saw any other human being being excited to try on something made by Karamatsu. He always thought that his brother’s fashion sense was a disaster, so everything he made was also a disaster. Only Jyuushimatsu was able to use those tops with his face on that Karamatsu made for the whole team every now and then. The rest of them hid them or burned them.

“You put a lot of work into it, Karamatsu,” he said, rearranging his own clothes. “And he seemed happy, so don’t worry about it.”

His words made something change. Karamatsu, who was still on the table, lifted his head and looked at his young brother with a look of shock and surprise on his face which, after a few minutes, ended up melted down into a nice, warming smile and his eyes gleamed with happiness. He looked like a dog that was being petted for the first time ever, or like a child they just congratulated. It was a little shock to him to realize that his brother had a very pure smile. Heart-warming, even.

_ Odd. _

They all lifted their heads when they heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Yuki came down almost running, showing off her new yukata-dress with a cute swirl for everybody to see before  going to Karamatsu and jumping over him.

“I love it! It’s so cute and comfortable, ” and he wore it nicely. The shape of the skirt followed the curves of his body, the thread  and the colour enhanced  the colour of his skin and eyes. His hair had little pinkish bangs too, that combined with the salmon colour in the dress. The skirt was maybe a little too short, but Yuki did not seem to mind at all. “It looks awesome. I will start calling you every now and then to help me with my assignments for college.”

“Don’t say that! You are a professional.”

“Oh, I still have lots to work on to be a professional. Besides, you did great! Thank you… I really like it, this is just…” Yuki took Karamatsu’s hands between his, looking at all the Band-Aids he had on them. “It’s just perfect.”

Karamatsu’s cheeks flushed furiously. It was not normal for him to be praised, so he did not know how to react. But his happiness showed in his eyes, in the smile that spread across his face before he could even notice it and then he just let go at the same time he mumbled something, running again and searching through his stuff. He came back in a second with some sandals decorated with silver glitter.

“Here, these are for you! It’s… Well, it’s an old pair of mine. We have the same shoe size, so…”

Yuki squealed and put them on, walking with them. The way his hips were swinging side to side when he was walking and the way the skirt lifted a little bit showing a bit of the skin of his thighs whenever he made a swirl made the rest of the Matsunos red. Choromatsu had a tissue against his nose to avoid any kind of bloody accident, but all of them were watching Yuki without missing a second.

“Yay! New shoes for me! I can never find this in my size.”

Karamatsu rolled his eyes.

“Me neither, That’s why I am giving you mine. I…”

Jyuushimatsu snapped out of it and laughed.

“Oh my, Yuki your feet are big!”

“No, they are not! It is not my fault that Japanese girls are small and thin everywhere, my size it’s perfectly normal in Europe.”

“Yeah, yeah, they all say that”

Karamatsu laughed at the bickering that was formed between his brothers and Yuki regarding his “giant” feet, but in the end it all ended up in laughing and making jokes. With Yuki happy with his dress and Totty finally calmed down, they all started their short journey towards the festival. It was not too far, so they all decided to go on foot while they were chatting. Yu and Totty exchanged tips on fashion and etiquette and also talked a bit about marketing as Yu seemed interested in opening his own store online to sell his designs.

“Well, you have to attract people with its looks. Maybe having pictures of a lot of models of different sizes and skin tones… Though Japanese prefer pale skin, like yours. Oh, and have some special sells. If we do this right” Totty said, his eyes gleaming while he imagined. “All the girls will want to be like you And…! Oh… Oh sorry, I am,… Hum… Should I use male pronouns? I mean…”

Totty eyed him up and down, signaling his clothes.

“Any pronoun is fine until I say otherwise. Don’t worry. Some prefer one pronoun, some neither, I come and go. Today, even though it’s manly man day, I’m fine with any pronoun. Though if you could use neutral pronouns, I’d appreciate it.”

“Oh, alright then! It would be a waste not using feminine pronouns when you look so adorable, right?”

Osomatsu laughed a little, it was the first time he had seen  Totty not knowing what to say to a girl. To a girl who had a thing for pronouns, but still a girl.

“Okay, I will personally stick to neutral. I still don’t get it a lot, and it’s kind of confusing but it seems important to you. So if neutral suits you, then I’ll use that. Easier to remember.”

“Thanks, Osomatsu. That means a lot to me. A lot of people use their ignorance as a way to undermine us. When people denies your choices in something as intimate as our pronouns, it’s like… Hum…” he took a moment to think about what to say. Osomatsu could not tell if he had troubles with his Japanese again or if he was just looking for the right words. “Like they are denying our existence. It is difficult to comprehend for people who don’t feel it in their skin because they are what society thinks of as normal, but it is unbearable sometimes.”

“Oh… Is that so?”

Yuki then began to explain them a few things to them, talking about how hard it was to be something that was considered different. Some people were told that their feelings did not exist at all, some other were not recognized, and that was without talking about the violence non-binary, or LGTBIQA people had to face every single day in almost every country of the world. In some places, he said, people could be sentenced to death for liking someone of the same gender. In Japan, for example, there was no representation whatsoever to the community, and the little it did have was misguided or used as queer-bait in shows or manga. At least now it was a little bit better than some years ago because nowadays there were some educative talks about sex-ed, genre and sexual preferences that teached the population about those subjects with the objective to make it a normal issue to everyone.

The idea was, Yuki explained, that someday gay people could marry legally and non-binary people could be respected.  In Karamatsu’s mind, that was a noble goal. His brothers started asking questions, some questions that he had asked Yuki himself as soon as he started talking to him about those themes.

“So how do you know that you are non-binary, Yuki-san?”

“Well, how do you know that you are cisgender, Jyuushimatsu?”

“I just know!” he stayed quiet for a moment and then started laughing. “Oh, now I get it. Yeah, it’s easy! Thanks, Yuki-san”

Osomatsu crossed his arms against his chest, laughing at Jyuushimatsu’s reaction.

“That’s not fair! We know we are guys!”

“Because you have a penis? Anyone can have a penis with the help of a good doctor nowadays, it’s not a big deal. I can even buy a penis that looks and feels like your penis. Even female hyenas have penises or something like that, so…”

“God, that’s so gross!” Osomatsu came closer to Yu, so he could whisper and not be heard. “ But I have to ask,. If you wanted to dress like a dude then why are you wearing that girly yukata Karamatsu made for ya?”

Yu blinked a few times.

“Because he made it for me.”

“That’s it? Just because he made it for you?”

“He put all his time, his effort and even his hands in making this for me only because I could not find a yukata that suited me and made me feel good. He made the effort to change the pattern to fit me, to make it in such a way that it would look good on me even if it’s not traditional. He hurt his hands” Yu tilted their head a little bit, apparently unable to understand Osomatsu’s surprise and knowing that made him blush. “When someone puts a lot of effort in doing something for you, you accept it. Not doing so it’s like pissing over that person’s feelings. It’s a sign that they love you, why would you hurt their feelings by rejecting it? It doesn’t bother me using this yukata. It doesn’t endanger me, nor makes me feel bad. It's just clothing. So I use them.  Wouldn’t you do the same? Besides, it’s lovely!”

Osomatsu made a grimace when he remembered every time that he rejected Karamatsu’s gifts. Even though those tank tops with their faces that his brother made were lame Yuki was right, it didn’t hurt using them for a few hours just to make them happy and honour his effort. Now that he remembered that he could not help but feel like an imbecile. So he decided to change the subject with some light jokes.

Between laughter and questions, they finally got to the festival. Karamatsu felt he was touching the sky with his hands when Yuki took his hand and began to drag him around the stalls while calling the rest of the gang. They were all together, walking all along while chatting and laughing whenever Yuki found something that excited her to the point of making a loud squeaky sound.

“This is the first time I can be in one of this events,” he said, excited while looking at a fishbowl filled with goldfish. “This is that game that I always see in anime? The one in which you have to trap fishes with a paper-thingy?”

Choromatsu had to hold his laughter. For a person that could talk about penises like it was nothing, Yu surely could also act like a child too. A child who was given two cups of black coffee, but a child nevertheless.

“Yes, it is. You have been here for long, why couldn’t you come to one of this festivals? We have them every season.”

“Ah, at first I looked like a street mongrel, so nobody wanted me nearby.  I also had to hide from my father’s enemies, just in case” he stopped looking at the fish since the food was apparently more interesting. There was a takoyaki  stand nearby, and she did not hesitate to buy one for each to share, to the joy of the sextuplets. “And then I started working like crazy, a lot of things happened, had to find a place to stay where I could sleep without fear of being stabbed and then finish school…”

“I get it, please… Just stop talking” He was not able to cope with the feelings those words provoked in him, as he suddenly was not hungry anymore. He ate the takoyaki  anyway because he hated wasting food. “Well… Since this is your first festival, we have to make it memorable, right?”

The rest yelled “yeah!” and began to take Yu to every stall. Like every time they went to a festival they had fun, but it was different somehow. Having somebody who laughed their ass off whenever they did one of their usual crazy shenanigans was kind of refreshing, and it made them feel like they were not the outcasts of the feast of life and fun like they used to be. They ate fried squid, dango and shaved ice with different flavours until they had brain freeze. Jyuushimatsu was able to trap all the fish from the fishbowl, while Choromatsu trapped three and the rest gave up after the second failed attempt. In the shooting stalls, Karamatsu and Osomatsu were the ones who won without any effort, but Yu cleaned the floor with them when they got to a darts stall. Totty, on the other hand, checked out accessories and cute trinkets with Yu and Choromatsu.

They all laughed, screamed, shared. It was the first time that they had had a healthy competition and it ended up being too fun, to the point to forget about the competition instead. They even shared some of the prizes. The sextuplets had a terrific time and decided to commemorate the day buying matching masks with the shape of a white cat and a six pack of beers to share between them and some soda for their friend since Yuki did not like alcohol.

There was only a small incident when they found Iyami while strolling.

“Ugh, you all here? Can’t a newcomer from France be at a festival without you to spoil the mood? What scheme are you planning now, sanzu?”

Ichimatsu grumbled.

“We are just having fun. Move aside, Iyami.”

With a movement of his head, Ichimatsu made the brothers look to stalls behind them. Yu was there, buying some trinkets. If Iyami saw Yu then he was going to give them a hard time. So they all made a wall, even though the guy was taller than them they could easily distract him and irritate him enough to leave.

“Having fun? NEET losers shouldn’t have fun! What, are you going to ask for money? I warn you I won’t give you anything.”

“Just leave us alone, Iyami!” even Totty was growling now, too annoyed by the whole situation. “We don’t need your money anymore anyways.”

“Huh? And why is that?”

They refused to tell him and prompted him to leave them the hell alone, but Iyami was quite delighted to the idea of scolding them, so he started to screech and sheeing while telling them they were ungrateful bratty demons. Though he had a point, none of the brothers were happy when they fun seemed to be ruined because of his constant screams. And to throw salt in the wound, Yu came back to them while holding a bag filled with melon pan and another one filled with all the stuff he had just bought. Iyami stopped in his tracks and so did he, looking wary at the new guy.

“Huh… I know you. You are the guy who yelled at me because I did not want to buy your shit” she pointed at him with a finger and turned to Karamatsu. “Remember? When we met, and I was late?”

And indeed he remembered.

“Ohhh yeah, you said something about a sheeing, but I didn’t give it a lot of thought back then… Well, my dear European flower, this man here is an old acquaintance of ours. His name is Iyami, and we have known him since we were children. And  _ he is leaving _ ”

But he refused to leave, they also were not happy to see Iyami eyeing their friend up and down, making Yu frown. It was a feeling of protectiveness that they had never experienced before. Maybe it was because Yuki was younger than them or because during their time together at the festival he acted a lot like a little sister/brother, but darkness flood from them whenever Iyami’s eyes sparkled with dirty thoughts. The way he was looking at Yu’s legs did nothing to improve their mood.

“My, my, what is doing this little gift of loveliness doing with these six pieces of trash, sanzu?”

“I beg you pardon?”

Yu had his arms across his chest in a defensive mode.

“I mean, there is no way in hell that any  _ decent _ girl could be near these idiots. A big group of NEETs with no money and nothing to give to the world. You should be all searching for a job instead of being here, enjoying a festival. This is something that only working people like me should be doing!”

“Excuse me? A decent girl?”

They all felt their cheeks getting red with anger. And as Yuki’s where the same, they decided to make a move. They all mentally agreed to take Yu by the arm with an excuse and leave, but Iyami was faster than them.

“Yes. Are you a rental girlfriend or did they have the courage to ask for a more… Intimate companion?”

Yu opened his mouth and growled something in Italian with a tone that told them without a shadow of a doubt that he was cursing Iyami in his mother tongue. So Jyuushimatsu took the chance when Iyami started sheeing, probably sensing by Yuki’s tone and body language that he was not saying pretty things about him, and took his new friend by the arm and dragged him with the lamest excuse he could think of at the moment.

“Yuki-san, let’s play baseball!”

“What? But how? Where?”

“Just follow me!”

Jyuushimatsu started running at high speed, leaving Iyami and his brothers behind. Karamatsu cracked his knuckles, accompanied by his brothers whose dark aura started leaking as soon as they were all alone with Iyami.

“So… You dare to talk to my precious friend and damage their honour with lousy words and nasty accusations” Karamatsu tensed his arms to the point that the veins could be seen. “This is something that I, as a gentleman, cannot forgive. Isn’t that right, brothers?”

Ichimatsu took a step forward. From behind the stalls, a lot of cats started to meow and hiss, their shiny eyes piercing through Iyami from the shadows.

“I say we teach him a lesson.”

Todomatsu took out his phone and activated its camera at the time that Choromatsu tensed a rope between his hands.

“And take some mementos of it so we can make him remember as soon as he even tries to forget.”

Iyami took a step back, getting ready to leave and run like hell but he ended up bumping against something. He immediately turned around to see what was there and he ended up right in front Osomatsu, who was grinning wickedly.

“Let’s all play together Iyami.”

Nobody was ever able to tell where the sudden shrieked “sheee” came from, but it was heard all over the place.

 

Jyuushimatsu kept running, getting away from the crowd and the people. There was going to be a fireworks show, and he knew the best place to watch them which was also the best place to play baseball. They just had to go to the east, near the river. They could watch the fireworks there, and he was sure that his brothers knew where to find him, thanks to that special twin sense that the sextuplets shared… And also probably because that was the spot that he and Karamatsu always chose to watch the firecrackers.

“We are here!”

Jyuushimatsu lifted both of his hands to the air in a sign of victory. He was able to get away from Iyami before the damage was irreversible. But when he did he realized that he still as holding Yu’s hand… And that hand had no strength at all. Jyuushi followed that hand down only to see its owner pale, with his eyes white and he was sure that Yuki had foam coming out from his mouth. Screaming in surprise, Jyuushi left Yu on the ground so he could rest a little bit and recover. He sat right next to them, using his hands to give him some air. Little by little, Yuki regained his consciousness, and Jyuushi even went to the nearest vending machine to buy a sugary soda for him, crying all the way because he had just “broke” Yu.

“Jyuushimatsu, you run too fast.”

But even while he was saying that he was smiling. Jyuushimatsu lowered his head.

“Sorry…”

“It’s alright. It was like being on an extreme roller coaster!” he drank his soda, sitting on the ground Indian style. “Sorry for scaring you like that”

“Nah! I am glad you are okay.”

They sat there in a comfortable silence. It was calm and relaxing, keeping company with each other while looking at the river. The water gleamed with the reflection of the moon, round and white, the sky was a mixture of shades of blue and purple decorated with the natural beauty of the stars. He preferred the sky when it was clean because he could appreciate the colours better but that night he was happy with the sight of the stars. It made him feel like there were a million of fireflies watching over them and that they could fall over them like a shiny waterfall. The whole landscape was relaxing, calming him down to the point that he was about to close his eyes to feel the warm wind of spring passing by.

But he heard a noise. Opening up his eyes, Jyuushimatsu looked down. Not too far from them, there was a group of kids playing baseball. They were all from different ages, some were in primary school, and some were probably in their first years of high-school.  They were playing on their own, and it was obvious that they were not very good at it despite having some potential in his eyes. The kids messed up the rules, they were not running at top speed, and they had a lot of trouble to hit the ball when they had to pitch. Some of them were even getting annoyed because they were unable to do anything right.

_ I used to be like that too when I started learning. _

They just needed a little help. Of course, they could learn everything with time but those kids were not having fun at all, and nobody could ever learn or improve at something if they were not having fun. He started fidgeting, twitching his fingers while holding the urge to go and help them. He just had to tell them what was the right pose to use the bat and then they could try and send it to space.

_ No, no, I have to stay and take care of Yuki-san. Karamatsu nii-san would never forgive me if something bad happened to his friend. _

“You want to go and play, right?”

“Yes,” he did not realize that he answered that until he saw his friend smiling widely. “I- mean no! No, no! I have to take care of you!”

Yu snorted like the idea of someone taking care of her was absurd, and Jyuushi did not know what to do.

“Listen sweety, I am a tough Italian. Go and play. I’ll stay put here, on the solid ground, and wait for the rest to come to get us. I mean… If they find us” he rolled his eyes and then started pushing Jyuushimatsu. “C’mon you want to play, so play! Let those kids learn from the best.”

“Oh… Well. Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

There was no way he could get hurt, and he seemed serious, so Jyuushi finally gave up.

“Okay!”

And left running, going straight to the kids.  It didn’t take too long for the rest to find their lost brother and friend.  They all were sharing pictures of Iyami hanging out from a three with nothing but his underwear on. As soon as they saw Jyuushimatsu playing baseball with the kids, they all sat down, laughing. Osomatsu showed the pictures to Yuki, who laughed so hard that he almost choked on his soda at the same time that Totty recorded Jyuushimatsu playing and teaching some tricks to the kids. They had bought more food and a few beers when they were looking for them, so they started sharing with each other, talking, waiting for the firecracker show.

“We should do this more,” Choromatsu said, eating some strawberry dango while looking at the sky. “It’s been a long time since we had so much fun. I mean, we are not fighting, not pulling anybody´s pants down…”

“Besides Iyami,” Osomatsu added, munching loudly on some fried squid.

“Yes, thanks, Osomatsu. We aren’t punching anyone, either”

“Besides Iyami.”

Chromatsu's eyebrow twitched a little.

“We are not trying to kill anybody.”

“Besides Iyami.”

“Osomatsu would you just shut the fuck up?!”

The rest laughed their asses off, though Karamatsu reprimanded Choro for cursing in front of a group of children.

“That’s not nice, Choromatsu. You, more than anybody should know that. But… I do have to agree that this is nice. I missed going out like this, like… Like friends. Like real friends.”

“Shouldn’t you say like family?”

“We are family already, and we will always be. But friends? I had the feeling that we had stopped being friends a long time ago. Recovering these feelings is actually exhilarating.”

The rest smiled, even though there was a bit of sadness in their eyes. That was true, and they knew it. Even if they were all close to each other, even if they were brothers it had been a long time since they acted as more than human beings that shared the same space, face, and blood. They did not act like friends or companions, and that showed in their relationships to the point that this new and yet known feeling of closeness was lost for some years. But it was refreshing having it back.

“Yes. You are right Karamatsu. It does feel nice.”

Silence came upon them. A lovely and yet tender silence that was broken only when Jyuushimatsu came running towards them. At first, the brothers got startled because they saw some older people with the children that Jyuushimatsu tried to train, probably their parents. The first thing that everybody thought was that he had hurt one of the little ones or probably made them cry. But when they all looked down they saw the kids happy, laughing and waving at them. Their parents seemed pleased too. Jyuushimatsu was bouncing and saying a lot of nonsense that no one was able to decipher, so Karamatsu pressed both of his cheeks with his own hands in a light slap.

“Ah, my little Jyuushimatsu! So full of energy! But you should slow down a little because your dear brothers and I are unable to understand what you are trying to say. Would you be so kind to repeat it slower for us, please? We don’t have the same batteries, remember?”

“Yes, sorry nii-san!” Jyuushi stopped jumping and cleared his throat, but it was obvious that he was still burning inside with the desire to jump and scream again. “I got a job!”

“Wait, what?”

And then the fireworks show started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now guess who's back? Yes, me! Sorry for the delay, between work and my beloved beta being busy with life too it was a little hard to finish this chapter. Don't worry I used this time to get ready and write some more chapter, so you don't have to wait that long.
> 
> Thank you for your patience, your support and your comments! 
> 
> Please, keep the comments. They feed my muses, they are hungry.
> 
> On another note I am starting another fic with Karamatsu as the main character, but I am not sure if people will like it. Do you like the idea of Karamatsu being a single dad? Cause I tottally see him as a good dad and a housewife. Or househusband. Damn, is there a word for men who take care of the house and the kids?!
> 
> For those who are wondering, yes, Yuki can't read adult Kanji. Kanji is a really complex thing and the adult kanji is something you learn in high school. Since Yuki only did middle school, she never learned the "adult words" so she has trouble reading some things. Good thing Choro is there to help, right?
> 
> And yes, the narrator uses male pronouns for -Yu at the end because Yu was in a male pronoun day despite he was wearing what people consider femenine clothing.
> 
> If you have any question, shoot! I am happy to answer.
> 
> Anyway, I do hope you like the chapter ;3


	16. Ichimatsu's  Day

For some reason, Karamatsu went from being completely normal to just sulking again in a corner. Nobody knew yet how to deal with this kind of situation, especially not him. So Ichimatsu felt lucky when he had to leave because he had no idea what he could do for his older brother.

He bathed, got dressed in nice but comfortable clothes, took his wallet and his ID with him and got out of the house, walking his way to the pet shelter. He went there almost every day and tried his best, even more taking into account that he was  the new guy and Akihiko was the one who got him in. Ichimatsu did not dare to ruin his friend's reputation by screwing up. So no matter how tempted he was to crawl with the cats and sleep, he did his best not to fall to those urges and keep doing his job. It was only four or five hours per day, so if he could manage that, then he was ready for something more serious.

 

After helping in the shelter, he also went to his friend’s house for a study session. He needed to be ready for the admission tests if he wanted to go to college and he had not touched a book since high school, so Ichimatsu had to burn his eyelashes out.

 

Even so, it was not easy. He had to deal with new people, lots of new people, and he couldn’t stop but get nervous. He had no clue about how to be a normal guy, and whenever his companions tried to talk to him, he just stared down at them or ran away because he was just too nervous.

 

Sometimes he had stomach-aches. And the need to take a dump.

 

So now, in the entrance of the cat shelter, he had this horrible feeling in the bottom of his stomach. Like he was punched in there, and his insides were going up and down like a kickball. But he had to make an effort and try to get rid of his fears and anxiety. Akihiko was counting on him, he was the one who cheered him on. The rest of the group were nice to him too, so he just had to grow a pair and get in. If the other caretakers had a problem with him, that was their problem. Just as Akihiko had told him.

 

He swallowed hard and went in. The cats were as lovely as the first day. Some of them were kind of savage, distrusting of humans and attacking anyone who came near to them… It was not a surprise; most of them were hurt by people. There was that case of a cat that was sprayed with gasoline and then lit on fire. It was lucky that a girl was nearby who threw water at it almost immediately, but the poor kitten was too traumatized by that event that nobody could go near it. There were too many cases of cats that were abused by people or plain abandoned… Ichimatsu could relate to them. He knew that with patience and a lot of work, the cats could be tamed.

Well, not tamed. He thought while feeding a group of cats. Just more trusting, a cat can never be tamed.

 

That was one of the many things he liked about cats. Even if they were domesticated, they always kept their independence. They only came near you when they wanted, they could stop loving you if you did not give them attention, they leave the house and walk for miles just to hunt for sport or only because they can. They were clean, quiet. Gaining their trust was not easy, but once you had it, they would never abandon you if you were able to stay by their side.

They had more qualities than most people.

 

The shelter was a big place. The reception was a simple pastel green room with a wooden floor, a desk where one of the volunteers received the adoptive families and couches were the clients could sit, the walls covered with posters with information about cats, how to treat them, the importance of sterilizing them and give them proper collars with identifications. Then there were two doors. One led to the veterinary section, where all the wounded or pregnant kittens were attended by professionals. Sometimes Ichimatsu had to go there to clean the cages and give some comfort to the cats, so they would not be stressed by isolation. He liked doing that, petting those poor creatures that were recovering or helping a newly mother with her babies. It made feel him at ease, and it helped him to forget the fact that he was also surrounded by other humans that, sooner or later, would want to interact with him.

 

Akihiko worked in that sector of the shelter, and he always made him feel welcome. Though his nurse eyed Ichimatsu like he was some kind of weirdo.

 

Then the other door led to what he used to call “the living quarters,” where all the cats were kept. Some were kept in rooms… Just whole rooms completely for them, with toys, houses, roads made on the walls with wooden boards and cardboard castles. People could go into the rooms to play with them, feed them and just be with them. The other part where rooms filled with big metal cages, occupied with sick cats, violent cats, or the ones who just got in and were still getting used to being with humans. Of course, they were all separated, and there were never more than two cats in each cage, with the exception of the sick and violent ones that were always on their own.

 

They were fed regularly, had their own beds, and the vets checked on them once per day. Ichimatsu liked that part of the shelter even when he despised seeing such magnificent creatures as cats in cages, mostly because he was able to commune with them. Or at least, he was able to try. The sick one wanted attention, and he was happy to oblige. The violent ones… Well, he had enough scars and scratches on his lower arms to prove that they did not want his attention but he knew that sooner or later that was going to change. He gave them treats and respected their space. He talked to them and sometimes petted them even if it was for just half a second before they tried to bite him.

 

Ichimatsu did not mind the pain. He kept trying. Some of them were already opening up to him, the rest just needed more time.

 

Leaving the cats aside, he had some trouble interacting with the other volunteers. Besides Akihiko and his group, he could not talk to the rest. If they asked him questions, it took him too long to answer and sometimes he stuttered so much that he looked like an idiot. Sometimes he just nodded to avoid the struggle, but even that provoked strange looks. He was good at his work so they could not complain. But Ichimatsu could feel their eyes on his back, he could hear the whispers. They all believed he was some kind of crazy idiot, a weirdo, a buffoon and that made him feel like he was not good enough.

 

It was an unbearable feeling. The deep sensation that he was not part of the world, like he was an outsider wherever he went. He was not here, not there, he could not fit anywhere, and people always went at a higher speed than him. He needed time, but the world could not wait for him. He used to go by his own rhythm, which was completely opposed to the rest’s rhythm. And that made him different from everybody. He wanted to grow and made something of himself but… It was too hard. No matter how much he tried it was like people could never understand him and he always stood out, but not in a good way.

 

Ichimatsu felt stuck in the same place. Days, weeks went by with no change in his life. Sometimes he had those disgusting thoughts that there was no point in living because even if he was not there, the world would still spin. Nobody would give a damn. It was a horrible feeling, not knowing what to do with your life, not knowing how to change that never ending loop in which he was stuck in.

 

It was like being in a different reality.

 

Ichimatsu did his work that day. He fed the cats, played with them, helped the new mothers and made sure to spend some time with the less trusting cats. That day no one of the group he knew besides Akihiko was there so when his shift was done, he decided to go to the veterinary  to wait for Akihiko. It was almost like a routine because as soon as they finished with their shifts, they headed to Akihiko´s house for a study session. They were long, sometimes even frustrating, but his friend was good explaining things. With each session, he felt even more confident about the upcoming admission test.

 

He was still not sure if he would end up being a veterinarian, a nurse or an assistant, but that was beside the point. He could think of that later, now he wanted to pass that damned test. He needed to. Passing it would be the definitive proof that there was still hope for him, even if he was an outsider in that damned world.

 

“How can you stand him?”

 

Ichimatsu stopped in his tracks, right in front of the door that separated him from his friend. He knew that voice… Mio, Akihiko’s assistant.

 

“Yeah, he’s so weird. Whenever I ask him something, he just stutters or nods with that deadpan expression… Are you sure he is not crazy?”

 

_ Motherfuckers… _

 

They were talking about him, he could tell. It was always like that, whenever he tried to be part of a group.  Since that day when the bunnies at high school died because of him, everything went downhill for him. His former friends refused to talk to him, people started to send horrible letters to him, and they wrote on his desk. It was foolish of him to believe that things could change now. Ichimatsu was about to get in and scare the shit out of them with his dark aura, but a voice stopped him.

 

“Stop saying that! Ichimatsu is not weird or crazy.”

 

Akihiko.

 

“He is good and loyal. He loves cats dearly, and he’s smart. He just has trouble talking to people, but that doesn’t mean he is a bad person. You just don’t know him. And the fact that you are judging him without knowing him and badmouthing behind his back tells me more about you than about him. He is always respectful to everybody in this place, you could at least reciprocate that.”

 

Ichimatsu stopped, just listening. He never felt like he was any of those things: Smart, loyal, good. He could not help but wonder why Akihiko saw those things in him because no matter how many time he looked at himself Ichimatsu never saw anything good.

 

“But he is so…”

 

“Nothing” Akihiko’s voice was sharp and stern. He was obviously not happy. 

 

“Look, Ichimatsu is… Like a cat in some way. Like one of these stray cats that always bite us and don’t want to be near people. He was hurt too, so he is mistrusting and surly” he said, and Ichimatsu did not know what to think. He was a cat in a way, but he never thought that his friend would compare him to one out of the blue. Not that he minded, it actually made Ichimatsu happy. 

 

“But deep inside, he is actually a good companion: Loyal, caring, he can tell when you don’t feel right. He is also quiet, but that doesn’t mean he is bored or mad, he just likes silence. He has more qualities that you can’t see because you are all too uptight. Leave my friend alone, will ya?”

 

Ichimatsu felt a knot in the stomach. He heard steps and quickly moved out, going to the other end of the hall to pretend that he was just arriving. Akihiko came out from the room, visibly upset. But when he turned and saw him, his face relaxed, and he trotted over to him.

 

“Hey, Ichi” he always called him like that. “Are you already done?”

 

“Yeah” he could not help but smile lightly, trying to control the urge to hug his friend. Normally, he did not want to touch people, but after hearing all that he just wanted to squeeze that blonde son of a bitch between his arms until he stopped breathing. “Can we go now? We… could have a coffee somewhere before studying. My treat. If… you want, of course.”

 

He was trying to show his affection and be nice, his cheeks red from the effort. Akihiko looked dumbfounded for a moment and utterly surprise, but when his expression changed to a soft and pleased smile, Ichimatsu felt his heart flutter a little bit.

 

“That would be nice, Ichimatsu. We can even study there if you don’t mind; I have every material in my cell phone.”

 

“Yeah… A change of place could be good… Hum, shall we?” he fidgeted, not knowing what to do. 

 

Even though Akihiko was his friend, these kind of situations were almost too much for him. But his friend told him to only wait until he changed and before he knew it, they were already walking towards a coffee shop, Ichimatsu was listening to Akihiko talk about the cases he had attended that day. 

 

He seemed happy but also worried about the animal’s recovery. Ichimatsu could not help but think that his friend was indeed a good person, nice and loving. It was no wonder he had a lot of friends and girls that were all over him, though he never paid any attention to them.

 

He kept silent, listening to him talk. It was nice. Ichimatsu had the feeling that he could stay like that forever. While walking, his left hand touched Akihiko´s hand, and he felt a delicious tremble go through his whole body. Ichimatsu smiled and kept silent, saving that sensation in a secret diary inside his mind.

 

In his home, nobody knew he was studying much less that he had a friend and a possible group in which he could sneak into. He knew his parents enough to know that they would make a big deal out of it and his brothers would probably try to meet them and that would suck. Besides, his studies were a secret. He did not want Osomatsu to flip his shit again just because he was trying to make something of himself or look at him with those desperate eyes that his brother made when he was not in a good mood.

 

He could still remember his words after the rabbit incident. He could not let that go. So, for now, he wanted to do it everything on his own. He was thinking of letting Karamatsu know because he knew that his brother would keep the secret if he asked him to and that, knowing him, Karamatsu would obviously cheer him up and tell him that he believed in him.

 

Hearing that was nice every once in a while.

 

Ichimatsu didn’t say anything about hearing Akihiko’s fight with their co-workers. He just bought coffee and croissants for both of them and kept studying with him until it was time to go back home. In his house he kept everything to himself, playing with ESP-Kitty and Suzu, who were actually good friends with each other. He watched Karamatsu practicing with his guitar and took a moment to listen to him sing.

 

He was getting good, really good. Yuki was with him, explaining how to change the tone and register of his voice, how to breathe, and it was proving to be making magnificent changes for him. Yuki was already like a special guest in their house… She was there almost every day. Sometimes she spent her time only with Karamatsu, but some days she tried to teach football to Jyuushi, talked about fashion with Totty, studied Kanjis with a very strict Choromatsu who worked her out until she seemed about to pass out, or reading manga with Osomatsu. It was almost normal for them to see her in their house, coming with her backpack filled with sweet treats and her college books or with her maid café uniform inside of it.

 

It was a nice change. Maybe a feminine presence was what that house needed. It was like having a new sibling or something like that.

 

And his mother seemed happy, even if she was not anybody’s girlfriend yet. Having a girl to talk to and drink tea with seemed to improve her mood. Even their father was happy, talking with their new guest about his golden years or showing baby pictures about his sons.

Ichimatsu felt the house was warmer. It was a good change.

 

He went to the cat shelter again, ready for his shift but not so ready to confront his co-workers. He cleaned up every cage, fed all the cats, and spent some time with the sick ones.  He was about to try and give treats to the savage ones when he heard a scream. Fearing that someone was hurt or that somebody had brought in a terribly injured cat he came out of the room and went directly to the vet section. Akane, one of the newest volunteers, came out from the vet area and she looked pale and scared. As soon as she saw him, she ran towards him.

 

“Ichimatsu, help!”  She was pleading to him, and his heart was racing out of fear.

 

“What, what happened?”

 

“One of the cats is giving birth. None of the vets are around they are giving free sterilizations in the municipal centre and won’t come back for a while.  I don’t know what to do!”

 

Ichimatsu’s mind started working almost immediately. He knew how to help the cat, but it was the first time he had to do it alone without Jyuushimatsu’s help.

 

“Alright, go grab some towels, warm water and put on some gloves. Now!” he did not let her answer and went right into the room. He put on some rubber gloves and a chinstrap. He went right to the part where the cages where, knowing instantly which was the birthing mother. He kneeled in front of her, watching the blood pour out from her.

 

She seemed to be in a lot of pain. It was probably her first time, so Ichimatsu tried his best to keep calm to not stress the cat anymore. Akane came back with the water and the towels. He used two of them to surround the cat in an attempt to make her comfortable, caressing her to make her feel better. She was crying and purring, but Ichimatsu couldn’t do anything besides waiting until the cat was almost squatting and the labour had finally started. The first bag of water came out, which was good, so Ichimatsu looked how the cat licked it until the new little baby started to come out. He could hear Akane making disgusted sounds like the experience was something horrible, but he just kept quiet and watched.

 

The first cat came out with no trouble and so did the second one. And the third. Nervousness started to disappear for a while until the fourth cat tried to come out and it got stuck. Ichimatsu waited for five minutes before realizing he had to interfere. As delicately as he could, he grabbed the baby and tried to pull it out softly, accompanying the cat’s contractions. The baby was born covered in the amniotic sac, but the cat was too busy cleaning the last baby and did not seem interested in the new-born, so Ichimatsu used his gloved hands to tear apart the sac as quickly and delicately as he could, liberating the kittens face while the next cat was coming out.

 

The kitten was frozen. Ichimatsu felt his heart rush at that time, he took a towel and started to wipe all the liquid away from it, trying to warm it up. The next baby was fine, but this one did not seem to be reacting. He opened up its little mouth, covering it with his own without thinking about the disgusting liquid and blood that was covering it, and gave it a mouth to mouth. He put the kitten on its back so he could give it CPR with both fingers.

 

He was getting desperate. The kitten was completely still, like it was dead. He did not want it to be dead, he wanted the baby to breathe and suck its mother’s titty. There were now five minutes of CPR , but Ichimatsu did not give up. He blew air in the baby’s mouth one last time…

And it coughed.

 

The kitten coughed and made a little sound, moving suddenly its legs and its mouth, catching air little by little. The kitten started to cry, moving in search for its mother and Ichimatsu felt like the whole world was in its rightful place again. His heart stopped crushing against his chest, leaving the little baby with its mother so he could move slowly with its brothers and sisters, searching for his food between its mother’s furs.

 

Ichimatsu touched the mother’s belly. She was still having contractions, but there did not seem to be any more cats inside her. He could only wait, as some kittens took an hour to be born. Maybe it was only the placenta. Whatever it was, the cat was now licking all the babies, getting rid of the liquids, juices and other things that covered them.

 

Now he was at peace.

 

He heard Akane screaming in joy behind him, but he could not give a damn. He just watched the kittens and waited until the veterinaries came back. When they finally did, they seemed more than surprised about Ichimatsu’s deed, especially after seeing him with his hands and mouth covered in blood. Akihiko took him by his arm and guided him to the bathroom so he could clean up.

 

Ichimatsu was so shaken about the almost dead kitten that he could not think nor move. Before he knew what was happening, he was already in Akihiko’s house, on his couch, with a cup of coffee in his hands.

 

“Ichimatsu” his friend was beside him, looking worried. “Are you alright? Please, have some coffee.”

 

“No, it’s just… The kitten almost died, and it shook me.  But when I saved it…” Ichimatsu looked at the cup of coffee that his friend was offering him and took it, drinking a large sip of it. “It felt amazing. The nervousness, the fear, everything fades away, and there was just this… This joy. I saved a life. The baby could’ve died, and I saved it. I just can’t believe it, it was my first time doing that alone, and Akane was screaming and… I am so happy now.”

 

Akihiko smiled at him, putting his hand on Ichimatsu’s knee.

 

“And you thought you were not made to be a veterinarian.”

 

Ichimatsu kept silent and took another sip of coffee.

 

After that day, he went back home with a smile plastered on his face. He just kept silent, smiling to himself to the point that his brothers freaked out a little, but he did not mind at all. He had done something good, and he felt so proud that his chest was almost bursting.

 

Maybe he was not unburnable trash after all.

 

Going to the shelter again was easier. He was now not worried about what his co-workers could say, he had that feeling inside of him. He had the memories of the cat coming back to life, and it’s mother licking it and nursing it. He had Akihiko’s words in his mind. He went into the shelter, not thinking about anything when a bunch of people surrounded him.

 

“Oh my God, Ichimatsu, is it true?”

 

He was completely taken off guard.

 

“Huh? What? What are you talking..?”

 

Another one of his co-workers butted in.

 

“Did you help the cat that was giving birth? Akane told us everything!”

 

He blinked two or three times. It was the first time some of that people talked to him.

 

“Uh, yeah….”

 

“You saved one of the babies! I wouldn’t know what to do. And there were no veterinarians… Now they made changes, so there will always be at least one experienced person in that sector, so this does not happen again.”

 

“That’s great” honestly, he did not know what to say. They were all surrounding him, asking him a lot of questions, congratulating him. Ichimatsu lifted his head and saw Akihiko looking at him, so he pleaded for help with his eyes. His friend gave him a smug smile and went to his rescue.

 

“Now, now, people. I’ve told you that Ichimatsu doesn’t like to feel crowded. If you want to ask him about that so much, why don’t we all eat lunch together?”

 

_ That little asshole. _

 

“Oh, that’s a great idea,” one of the boys said, looking as excited as the rest. “Yeah, let’s eat all together. Maybe you can teach us some things, in case this happens again.”

 

“Uhhh.”

 

They seemed to be eager to spend time with him, to know him. Akihiko was smiling and gave him a small nod, like telling him that everything was fine. It was the first time ever that people wanted to be with him and, even if he was nervous, he was also excited. Maybe he was finally catching up to the rest of the world.

 

“That would be great, guys.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand this is it! Yes, I know, it's not too long butn ext chapter will compensate it. I hope I can upload it on the 25th of June, because it would be the day of my birthday and I always wanted to fdo that *_*
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like it. I thought it would be good to have a little glimpse of what Ichimatsu feels and his interactions with his... hum.... Friend. So, what do you think about Akihiko? ;P


	17. Frankenfood

Karamatsu felt like crap. On the outside, he was fine. Perfectly fine. In fact, he had no reason to feel bad, none whatsoever. Osomatsu was cutting down on the alcohol and gambling, Choromatsu, Totty and him were saving money in a jar for the house repairs, Ichimatsu went every day to the pet shelter and seemed to be pretty good at his job. Even Jyuushimatsu got a job. He was now the apprentice of a baseball trainer. The guy was old but good, and trained kids from the local public club, a place that was made after a lot of fundraising as a way to keep kids in an enjoyable activity that teaches them about teamwork and helped them to have fun… instead of leaving them on the streets, obsessed with social media and video games or becoming _hikkikimoris_.

Jyuushimatsu still did not have his degree finished. He had to have a teaching grade for that but, for now, he could study a short course that would allow him to be the coach’s apprentice and work with him, getting paid, all while learning the ropes. Of course, sooner or later he had to get a more “important” title, but his new boss was going to help him with that. Apparently, the old man was charmed by Jyuushimatsu’s energy and love for baseball.

So his little brother’s future was secured for now.

Todomatsu got a raise and was getting more involved with Sutaaba. He was also making a website to promote himself as a consultant. Choro was studying like crazy and was doing well in his job. Money was coming in. He had his admirers that filled the last inch in Alterna every weekend and had been composing a lot of songs. That’s why he had no idea why he was feeling like this.

He was sad and depressed. He had no desire to get up or to do anything, he was feeling sad for no real reason which also provoked the purest rage he could feel. Rage against himself, against his head that was trying to make him believe that something was wrong. It was similar to the Shadow’s whispers… But different, as he could not “hear” these whispers and couldn’t do anything to stop them or block them. It was a feeling, a sensation. Something that was carved deep into his mind to the point that it traveled to his heart, causing physical pain.

His throat closed, his chest hurt. Sometimes it was hard to breathe, and the idea of doing anything, of even trying to get out of the house made him feel like he was about to burst into tears. He did his best to hide it… But he somehow knew that he was not doing it right. Especially in those moments in which his mind tried to convince him that nobody loved him or that he was a failure and the sensation of sadness and impotence overcame of him because when it finished it always left to him overcome with an unrivaled anger.

A lot of anger.

He was now in his room, trying his best not to lie on the bed and keep himself occupied. The anger was leaking from him, his mood completely spoiled and his forehead frowned. His very posture and facial expressions were a death threat, so the rest of his family decided to leave him alone. They brought him food and water, sometimes asked him how he felt or if he needed something, but otherwise did their best not to stomp on his toes.

There was only one person who did not avoid him when he was like that, and that was Jyuushi. But he was busy training kids.

So now he was alone, trying to compose a song. But nothing. good came from him, not in his state. He was about to throw his precious blue (and sparkly) notebook right at the wall when the door was opened and someone went to him, hugging him.

“Hello there, gorgeous!”

He flinched, but recognized that sweet voice and even sweeter perfume. Strawberries and chocolate, a fragrance that he had never sensed                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                in anybody else.

“Yu? What the f…” realizing he had lost his cool self; he cleared his throat to regain his composure. “Dearest angel of mine, what are you doing here? I wasn’t expecting you today.”

The girl laughed under her breath, and he could not help it but enjoy the sound she made.  Yuki sat at his side with her legs crossed, leaving her leather bag at her side.

“I got out of a photoshoot, and a friend dropped me at my work but… Well, it seems that there was an issue with the plumbing and the whole place was like an indoor lake, and a co-worker was kind enough to ask me if I wanted a ride home, as he has a car… So I asked him to drop me nearby your house.  I know it’s not a Japanese thing to do, but can’t I surprise visit one of my most fashionable friends in the world?”

Karamatsu obviously felt good that she first thought about him knowing that she had a lot of better things to do rather than spending her time with his grumpy self. He also felt a little proud about being one of “the most” fashionable friends she had. Her presence alone was already working miracles on him, taking the discomfort away and easing the mood, even though he still felt like crap. But even so, he just narrowed his eyes.

“You are using me to avoid doing your homework ‘till the last minute, aren’t you?”

She laughed loudly, as she always did when she was having fun.

“Oh no, you’ve discovered me! What will I do now?”

“My flower will probably drink coffee until it comes out of her eyes while working on her projects at 3 am, just like last time. Though I think that your way of handling your assignments is messy and a little stressing, but you seem to work just fine under pressure, and that is something I admire. Pressure always puts me on edge and I just… Get blocked. But you… I have seen you work, you start and don’t stop until you finish, like a perfectly calibrated machine. It is a little strange to look at, because I stress out for you, but also incredibly exhilarating. I can’t understand it.”

“Awww, you are so sweet, caring about me” She kissed him on the cheek, Karamatsu coughed to hide his embarrassment. “But I never work without knowing what I am going to do. It’s not that I plan my works right in the moment… I take every hour of the day to plan it in my head and use the night-time to make it. I work faster that way, I don’t know why.”

He sighed, resting his right arm on his own right knee, which was up, and letting the other leg resting on the floor.

“Okay, but don’t overwork yourself. Though… I don’t know if it would be good for you to be here with me. I… I am not feeling well today.”

“Oh” Yu widened her eyes, then frowned and straightened herself. “How come? Want to talk about it?”

He did not want to, but he felt like he had to at least explain a little bit of what was going on inside his head.

“I am not sure; I have no reason to feel bad. I just feel sad, scared… Insecure.  Anxious. It´s… It is a lot of things that I would like to erase from the part of my mind but, sadly, these feelings are creeping inside me. It’s like having a storm in me. And it angers me because it’s stupid” he said in the end, clenching his fists as that previously forgotten rage came back in all its glory. “It is all in my head. I know it. I have no reason to be sad, and yet I am, and I don’t know why. I can’t help it. I can’t… change it! It’s… It’s… Ugh, I’ve been here all day, trying to forget or keep myself busy. All in vain.”

“Karamatsu…”

“I can’t even write a song. My dearest, being with me will ruin your day. You should…”

Yu made a grimace and then lifted her finger, putting it over Karamatsu’s mouth. He felt himself blushing with no reason, while his friend scooted over and left all the weight of her body fall over Karamatsu’s back. He could feel her warmth and some of the softest parts of her anatomy  pressing against him even through the clothes. It was not the first time she did things like that, as she was very comfortable with close contact, hugging, and things like that… But lately, it made him a little nervous.

_It’s okay, it’s just Yu._

He repeated to himself, making an effort to listen to Yuki who was talking to him.

“I should stay with my friend who is feeling blue and support him, not run away like a chicken. It’s okay, Karamatsu” she said, and the beating of his own heart slowed down a bit. “It’s normal. Everybody has bad days and mood swings. People just hide it, but you are having a hard time with that. Don’t worry.”

“I… don´t want to upset you. I am afraid you may find me boring or overwhelming and leave. Yu, you are my only friend, the sun that shines over my sinful self. I don’t want that.”

He could hear her laughing under her breath. The sound calming him.

“I am definitely not your only friend, dude,” she said, tightening her hug. “And even if that was the case, I would not run away at the first sign of trouble. Kara, you stand my shit, so I stand your shit. That’s how friendship works. Now if you could give me some chocolates every now and then, that would be a nice plus.”

Karamatsu did not realize he was smiling until his cheeks started to hurt. He even laughed, loudly and freely, while stretching his hand to reach her head and pet her. After all, his friend was right. Friendship and companionship was about being for each other during good times and bad times.

“Thanks, _Snowball_. I needed that… Though I still feel like there’s an unwavering storm in my chest and my muses have abandoned me for the day. I don’t know what to do.”

Yuki rolled her eyes, letting him go so she could walk towards the window. His guitar case was there, resting against the wall. Yu took it, walking again to his friend and sitting down next to him in a non-ceremonial way.

“The way I see it, you are a sensitive, artistic guy. You can be grumpy all day waiting for it to subside, you can lose your time watching midgets porn, or you can do something about it using the tools you have. When I am like that, I sew. Anything, whatever comes to my mind. I also sing or try to train until I can’t feel my legs while listening to music from the 90's.”

“Why….” He tried his best not to laugh. “Why would I watch midget porn?” she shrugged, not giving it a thought. “Okay, what do you suggest?”

“Here’s your guitar. Think of a song that expresses what you feel… Or that makes you feel like you are saying something. When I was in my rebellious age, I used to listen and sing out loud to this song… Which was it?” she squinted, and he could see her brain working to remember. “Oh, yes! _Shut up_ , from Simple Plan. My guilty pleasure. We’ll listen to them someday, and you’ll understand”

“Oh… Well, alright. Let’s try this, it can’t hurt. At least it’s not midget porn.”

“Watch it. I’ve got the feeling that some of your brothers are into really kinky shit. I wouldn’t be surprised if we find midget material in their drawers.”

The idea made him laugh out loud, to the point that his own laughter mixed with hers reverberated in the whole room and maybe even outside of it. They joked for a while about bleaching their eyes if something like that happened and the kind of things his brothers could be into until he took his guitar and tuned it. He thought about a song that made him remember what he was feeling in that moment. Or a song that meant something to him, anything, but only two came to his mind.

“It doesn’t matter if one of the songs I think of is Western, right?”

Yuki shook her head.

“Not at all. Sometimes I sing South Korean music even if I don’t really speak Korean... It doesn’t matter as long as it makes you feel better.”

He nodded, preparing himself for it. He breathed in and out, using his diaphragm as he learned, filling his lungs with air and preparing the muscles of his throat before doing anything. He had to perform on Alterna soon; injuring his money-maker was not an option. Karamatsu remembered the lyrics and then, with his eyes closed, started to play.

_This is gospel, for the fallen ones locked away in permanent slumber_

_assembling their philosophies from pieces of broken memories..._

He liked that song. Not the fast version, he had trouble following the lyrics of that one but, for some reason he was not able to fully understand, he loved the piano version. It was slower, easier to sing. It allowed him, to grasp every word, every meaning behind those sentences that for some people probably did not have a meaning at all. He always listened to that song when he felt down, letting himself go as the singer’s voice guided him away, carried by the undying pain in those sentences. Karamatsu felt like crying whenever he listened to the song alone, but it was not because the song made him sad, not entirely. It was because he felt identified by it. He could understand it or, at least, he liked to think that.

 

_If you love me let me go_

_Cause these words are knives_

_That often leave scars_

_The fear of falling apart_

_And truth be told I never was yours_

_The fear, the fear of falling apart_

He knew what it felt like to be scared of falling apart, to have words hurting him like knives, having scars all over himself. Over his heart and soul. He also sometimes felt like he wanted to scream that to his family: _If you love me, let me go. I never was yours_. It was one of those stupid wishes that he had, a feeling that was boiling deep down inside of him and that he never let out because doing so could hurt a lot of people. It hurt him just feeling it. But now, singing it out loud gave a little rest to his heart in a sense.

He was so enthralled that he did not realize until it was too late that Yuki was singing with him. In a different tempo, of course, so their voices layered one over the other in a confusing but pleasing mixture of feminine and soft with the deepness of his own voice. Karamatsu opened his eyes without stopping just to look at her, who kept singing with her eyes closed and feeling the melody.

Yuki made him feel like she understood. And that was a gift because he often had the thought that no one could understand him. It was new.

They kept singing until the song finished. Karamatsu did not think it would work, but he actually felt a lot better after that. He sighed, smiling to himself while arching one of his brows.

“Well, I’ll be damned” he wiggled his brows to Yu, making her laugh. “You tricked me!”

“Of course not. I just knew it would work. It always works when you are a sensitive person” she shrugged again, smiling widely at him before the curiosity appeared in her eyes. “Is there another song? You made it sound like there’s another song.”

He felt a little awkward about the question. There was another song, but the memory of his brothers making fun of him and having to hide in order to listen to it in a house full of people still haunted him.

“It’s from an old anime series. I… I don’t think you’ll like it.”

“Try me. Maybe I’ll like it.”

“Well… All right. Here goes nothing.”

He had to remind himself that he was not a kid anymore before starting to play. At first, Yuki frowned when she heard the music, but it was not like she was displeased or disgusted. She seemed to be trying hard to know where the song came from. Then she laughed, patting her own thighs in surprise.

“Oh my god! _You’re Under Arrest_!”

“You know the show?” he could not hide his surprise as Yuki kept laughing.

“Of course I do, it’s a cult series. I mean, I know I am from Italy, but that show was seen almost everywhere.”

“My brother’s used to make fun of me, saying that anime was for dumb kids. Then they told me that it was a show for girls because it had romance and the protagonists were girls, so…”

“Your brothers suck eggs. Now, are we singing this thing or not?”

He could not help but laugh, getting comfortable before starting to play. This time, they sang at the same time, the air of the room getting lighter as Karamatsu’s mood improved.

_Along a zigzag, the world turns I heave out a sigh ..._

 

Unbeknownst to them, a figure in a pink hoodie was hidden behind the (barely opened) sliding doors, recording the whole affair. He did not mean to do anything inappropriate, of course, as Todomatsu only went to the room to check on his brother and bring him some snacks so he could feel better, but he found out that Yuki already took care of that for him. So now he was just enjoying the show, while recording it for posterity.  He already had one video of his brother singing in Alterna that day they all spied on him, and another one of him and Yuki singing at home. Now, he had another one. Todomatsu considered what to do with those videos… It was the first time that he did not want to use the material he had for blackmail, but he did want to do something with it. He was not sure what he could do or why he wanted to put those videos to good use.

 _Ugh, this is so OOC for me_ …

When the show ended, and they started talking about Yu’s most recent photoshoot while Karamatsu checked out her sketchbook to compliment her newest creations, Todomatsu got away from the door, walking down the hall without knowing what to do until a marvelous idea crossed his mind. He ran to the living room, taking advantage of the fact that nobody was paying attention to him and sat down on the quieter corner.

He knew what to do. That’s why he had a smartphone in the first place, that’s why he was learning how to use social networks to improve a person’s popularity. If there was a reason for him to have those videos, then it had to be what he had in mind.

His smile became wider as soon as the screen confirmed him that the process of uploading the videos was already finished.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey, sweet cheeks. How are you?”

Osomatsu munched a new mouthful of potato chips, still looking at the TV. Jyuushimatsu was at his new work, Choromatsu was too busy studying and taking the whole table for himself and his books, Ichimatsu was gone as always, and Totty was in a corner playing with his smartphone. He was bored to the bone, but at least now they had a visitor. And looking at a cute female visitor who happened to be somewhat friends with him was better than lying on the ground without nothing to do.

“Hey Osomatsu” He saw Yuki sitting down next to him. She looked actually quite pretty, with those black shorts and stockings she was wearing. And a nice shirt with a heart in it. He preferred that style for her than the cute frilly dresses she sometimes used, because it did more justice to her body. He could not stop himself of ogling at those legs of hers. “Watcha doing?”

“Nothing, really. Watching a show while Chorofappinsky occupies all the table for himself” his brother did not even acknowledge him, which made him grunt. He preferred the times when he screeched and threw a hissy fit. “I had nothing better to do.”

“I see… Ah… What? What are they…?”

He arched his brow.

“You have never seen any of these shows? They have to pass things from one to another using only their mouths.”

“Is that a cockroach? They are… passing cockroaches?”

Osomatsu nodded, smiling from ear to ear at the sight of her face contorting in disgust.

“ _Oh dio_ … This… I know your shows are weird. And your publicity. And almost anything that you show in TV is weird, but this is too much.”

“It’s not weird!”

“It is… Why is everybody screaming like that? I… I don’t understand it at all.”

Deciding that fighting over shows with a foreigner was pointless, Osomatsu kept eating and watching.

“So, how’s Grumpymatsu?”

“Better. He’s getting ready now, we were going for a walk. Want to join us? Maybe we can go do some shopping or go to my house and do something fun” she seemed to notice the way he was smiling, thinking about dirty stuff. So she frowned. “Not like that, Pervertmatsu.”

“Hey, that’s our joke. You can’t use our joke.”

“Yes, I can. I am almost an official member of the Matsuno Household. I am suspecting that your mother wants to adopt me or something, even.”

Osomatsu groaned, leaving his face over the ground. He was not surprised, actually. His mother was enamored with Yuki, but it was expected. A girl with a job, education, nice and pretty, she was the full package. And if their mother could not have her as her daughter-in-law, he was sure that she would try to adopt her somehow just to have her coming to their house. Not that he minded, it was actually nice to have some feminine company.

_Like having a little sister_

He kinda liked that.

He was also happy that Karamatsu was feeling better. Even though he tried to console him and give him some company, Karamatsu seemed immune to any of his “big brother approaches.” He took mental note to ask Yu how to help his brother when he had one of his mood swings… Osomatsu believed himself to be a little shit, but even so, he wanted to be somewhat ready to be there for his brother.

“All right, you can use it. But you won’t be an official member of the Matsugang ‘till you have your own hoodie, ‘kay? It’s our trademark; we have a reputation to preserve.”

“Oh? Should I also stop studying and quit my jobs?”

“It would be best, yes. But I think we can live with that.”

She laughed, stealing some chips from him and he laughed back, the TV not that interesting anymore.

“So, you said you were going to go for a walk, huh? Does that walk involve some drinking or gambling? Because if it does, then I’m your guy.”

She laughed again, giving him a little hit on his shoulder. Apparently, they were not going to do anything like that. The idea was to go around town and find something fun to do. Maybe, she said, ending everything in her house with a nice and probably non-healthy meal based on ramen noodles and her most recent cake recipe. Or maybe pancakes. Or both. She was not sure, but that was not going to stop her. Osomatsu saw himself agreeing to that plan, especially if it involved hanging around with a hot girl and it ended with a nice meal that was probably going to fill his arteries with sugar and fat.

“Well, I’m down for that. Totty! You want to hang out with us? We’ll end up in Yuki’s house, eating shit.”

Choromatsu lifted his head up.

“Osomatsu, don’t curse like that in front of a girl!”

Yuki moved her hand in a gesture, downplaying it.

“Easy, Choromatsu. I’ve heard worse.”

“But even so!”

She sighed, and Osomatsu snickered.

“Choro, you do realize that you are talking to the girl who threatened five guys with a baseball bat and told them that she was going to rape them with her foot? Also, I was talking to Totty, not you. You have to finish studying, right?”

Choromatsu blushed so hard that even his ears were red.

“I… I would like to relax for a while.”

Totty laughed, getting close to them. It was fun looking at his older brother being so ashamed.

“Awww, Poor Choro-chan was afraid to miss out.”

The fun stopped when Choromatsu used one of his books to hit them in the head. In the end, they all accepted, and Totty sent a message to his two other brothers. Ichimatsu said that he was going to meet them when they were on the town. Jyuushimatsu also had to meet them later and asked Yuki if he could shower in her house because he would not have time to go back home and then leave again.

“Sure, I don’t mind,” she said, shrugging. That was when Karamatsu came down.

The three brothers looked astonished for a moment. It was the first time in a long time that they saw him using something that was not as painful as they normally saw him use. There were no sequins no glitter, not even some animal print on him. He was using black, tight pants, a blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a black vest. They were even expecting his shiny golden shoes, but he was not even wearing those and replaced them with a pair of normal brown shoes. Yu was the only one who greeted him, as the rest were completely shocked by his appearance. They could not even talk, still processing the fact that their brother was using normal clothes and on top of it, ones fit him quite nicely.

In their own minds, they all cursed and thought about training with him if it made them look like that.

“Looking good, Karamatsu. When did you get those clothes?” Yu asked, used to seeing him with his hoodie or leather jacket. “You know, this style really suits you. I am afraid that some girl might try to steal you from me as soon as we get out of the house.”

“Pffft, Yuki….” His cheeks were pink now, though he was not against the idea of finding himself a lady. “But even if some Karamatsu Girls wanted my attention I would never dare to leave my friend behind.”

“We’ll see about that. Oh, you were right; your brothers said they wanted to come! So we can…”

“The fuck happened to you?”

Both Karamatsu and Yuki turned around, facing the rest of the Matsuno’s perplexed face. They were agape, but Osomatsu was also frowning. Karamatsu grunted, fearing another tantrum.

“What now, Osomatsu?”

“It’s… Your clothes. Since when you dress like that?”

“Eh? Ah, well, I wanted to try something new. I bought this clothes on my last shopping spree. Besides, almost all of my perfect fashion are too small for me now.”

“But… “ his eldest was looking up and down at him like he could not believe what he was seeing. “This is not like you at all.”

Karamatsu laughed, shrugging. He could not tell his brother that all of his old clothes were in a plastic bag, hidden in their room while he decided what to do with them. He had no purpose for those clothes anymore, so he was now in search of a new style, of a new way to express himself with fashion. Karamatsu realized that he used all of that flashy and painful clothes not only to express himself but as a way to get attention. He wanted to be looked at, to be remembered; to cause such an impression that nobody would ever forget about him.

He was too afraid to be forgotten. Which made a lot of sense when a person lives with a family that seems to forget about them every single day.

His clothes were a way to escape from that cloud of forgetfulness. If he shined, if he was flashy and colourful, if he made such a big impression that people would look twice when he was passing by, then everything would be worth it. Of course, he also loved his perfect fashion, he would not have worn it if he didn’t. But the need for attention to the point of trying too hard to be noticed was attached to them.

So he did not want to wear it anymore. He didn’t need to. He was still afraid of being forgotten, but now he knew that whining for attention was not the way to go. Shining on the outside was never going to work unless he also shone from the inside. If he was shining, if his soul was shining, then the rest would be able to notice, and he was not going to need those clothes anymore.

“Well, this is my new me” he answered, feeling confident and strong in his new clothes. He also felt attractive, really attractive. He felt like the cool guy he always wanted to be, it was such a nice and overwhelming feeling that he had no words to describe it. “Really, I just want to try something new. You don’t like it?”

Before Osomatsu could say anything, Totty pushed him aside and started to take pictures.

“Like hell! I can’t believe what I am going to say, but you look amazing. This suits you! You… Damn, you even look cool.”

“Really now, Totty?”

Todomatsu flushed, looking as his brothers’ smug smile.

“Oh, fuck you! I said it, don’t make me repeat myself.”

The whole room burst out into a joyful laughter before they grabbed their stuff and left the house, the discussion about Karamatsu’s clothes forgotten. They spent the whole afternoon walking here and there. They decided after a light stroll in the park that they could go to the movie theater, spend some time with an action film or a comedy, but since Choromatsu and  Osomatsu were unable to agree on which movie they liked the best, Yu proposed going to the arcade.

An afternoon spent in video games, dance-dance revolution, with Osomatsu trying to earn one plushie from the dolls machine only to lose at every chance. Totty and Kara had a blast with the dancing game, but Choromatsu beat them to the ground with the para-para game which made a lot of sense. Ichimatsu joined them after an hour and a half, playing with Osomatsu to some kind of “shoot a lot of zombies” game while Yuki and Karamatsu ended up enjoying a new version of Puzzle Bubble, though they were not sure if it was a legal version or not.

When the games became boring, they went to check out some stores. Karamatsu ended up buying some clothes, “non-painful clothes” as Oso pointed out. Totty started looking for some charms for his smartphone while Yuki bought some makeup… With Choromatsu right beside her with the excuse of keeping away the perverts, so his brothers did not realize that he was buying makeup too.

“So, how’s work?” she asked, buying two bottles of concealer, she paid for both of them, but Choromatsu gave her some money in secret. “You can give it to me later.”

“I can’t let you pay for my stuff” Choro ached as she put everything into her leather bag. They had an arrangement: She pretended she was buying everything for herself, paid for it and then she left all that actually belonged to Choromatsu in a hidden spot in his house, where he could retrieve it with nobody noticing. Of course, he had to pay for his own stuff, but sometimes Yuki tried to pay everything by herself. “I have a job now, I can pay it. And… It’s okay. Though lately, I am having some trouble, a newcomer is earning more tips than me. I have my salary but…”

“Tips help.”

“Yeah. I don’t know what I am doing wrong.”

“Maybe you have to up your game, Choromi-chan” she said in whispers, blinking an eye at an incredibly red Choro. “Tell me next time you are alone at home and I’ll help you with that. With some decorations, a nice pair of heels and the proper way of walking, you’ll clean the floor with that newcomer.”

No matter how embarrassed he could be, he had to admit that it was a good idea. Yu was a fashionista, knew about makeup and he had seen her using some seriously dangerous heels. With her guidance, there was a high chance that he could improve and get more tips. After all, he had a hobby to sustain, and he used his tips for that since the rest of his salary was spent on his studies and the future repairments for the house.

“We could try. I’ll call you, okay?”

“Cool!”

Karamatsu looked at his friend talking with Choromatsu. Now he could not refer to Yuki as “his friend” since she now was hanging out with the rest of his brothers, but he liked to think that he was special because he was the first one. Even if she became friends with the rest, he would always be the first of the sextuplets on making contact with her. Karamatsu was happy about it, those old feelings of fear and jealousy ended up disappearing a long time ago. He could not believe that he used to think that his brothers would be so desperate to try and flirt with her or something worse when they all acted like real gentlemen. Sometimes Karamatsu felt the urge to laugh, remembering how he tried so hard to hide Yuki from his brothers only for her to become like a new member of the family.

Of course, sometimes Osomatsu slapped her butt and ruined the magic. But Yuki was pretty good at defending herself, so he tried not to punch his eldest. Though sometimes, he did it anyway when she was not watching.

He was looking at a sleeveless black jacket that had some chains and other accessories. It was not overwhelming as he normally used, but he felt the urge to try it on. It reminded him of some visual key singers, it was not his usual fashion, but something on that jacket was tempting him to try it on. Even though he was scared to look at the mirror, he ended up giving in and tried it. He was expecting to look dumb on it or painful again, even though he could not tell the difference between something painful and non-painful, but the mirror only gave him his reflection looking at a  very nice and stylish jacket. It looked good on him. He felt good about it. He was not forcing it, trying to be cool. He did not want to call anybody’s attention. It was just him with a nice, manly jacket and he felt so empowered that he could not stop himself from smiling.

He had to talk about this with his therapist, maybe he could explain what was happening with him.

From the corner of his eye, he took a glimpse of his brothers. They were all in their own world, buying things that they probably didn’t need only because they could. Even Osomatsu was doing so, at the expense of not gambling for a few weeks. They were having such a good time and, for the first time ever, he was not just a spectator. He was there, with them, they were all having fun together, and nothing could ruin it.

**_You don’t say._ **

_Shut up._ Karamatsu looked back at the mirror. He was there, the other Karamatsu, with his horribly distorted smile and his dark eyes. _Get out of my head._

**_This is my home. I am you, remember?_ **

_No, you are not. You are part of my disease._

**_You made me. I am you. You won’t get rid of me again. Don’t you want to be cool anymore? Don’t make me laugh. You will always be a little bitch, crying because nobody loves you. You still want their approval… If you didn’t, I wouldn’t be here._ **

_That’s not true._

**_You are just a little nobody. Always hiding, always pretending, forcing yourself. How could you not? There is nobody who would love your true self. The anger… The envy… The fear._ **

Karamatsu inhaled deeply. That thing was right; he still had a lot of anger and fear inside him. He was still scared of being forgotten.

_But now I can do something to fix that._

He got away from the mirror, right to the cashier. He was going to buy that jacket and use it next time he was on stage. Nobody, not even that voice in his head could stop him.

“Mmh, Karamatsu”

Turning around, he found his fourth brother standing right beside him. He was still using his deadpan expression of always, but now Ichimatsu seemed to be dressing better, even combing his hair and using cologne. It was an odd change, but he did not dare to ask. Karamatsu knew that Ichimatsu was going to talk about it whenever he felt ready, and maybe, just maybe, it was just the good influence of being surrounded by people and socializing with other human beings.

“Yes, brother? What’s wrong?”

“Are you buying that?”

He nodded, giving his money to the cashier.

“I see. It looks nice. It will look good on you.”

“You think?”

Ichimatsu nodded, smiling lightly.

“Yeah, I saw you when you tried it on. Will you use it next time you sing?”

“I was thinking on that, actually. Maybe you could buy one for yourself?”

The mere suggestion made Ichimatsu flinch.

“I don’t think I have the body for it. Besides, we would look the same”

“Oh.”

He had never thought about it, the fact that they looked the same. They had the same face with different clothes, different types of bodies and different voices and, yet, he had the feeling that it was not enough. If he really wanted to find his true style, if he wanted to feel good in his own skin, maybe he had to differentiate a little bit more from his brothers. He was not going to get a tattoo or a piercing because it was too soon and maybe too much for now. But there had to be something else he could do to feel more like himself and separate himself from the unity that his brothers were. Karamatsu did not want to be a copy anymore. He wanted to express himself to the fullest, to be unique even if he had six other people with the same features.

He had to find a way to change that, but meanwhile, he just smiled at his brothers when they decided to leave the shop as Jyuushimatsu sent Totty a text telling them that he was nearby and he wanted them to pick him up. All of them complied, as it was getting late, and after a brief exchange of ideas about what they could do. Yu proposed they all went to a fast food place and make use of her coupons.

“Then we can go to the nearest Seven-Eleven and buy tons of unhealthy shit to eat at my house while watching some TV shows! I’ll show you western stuff, and you show me some Japanese stuff…. As long as doesn’t involve people putting bugs in their mouths.”

“Eh, I like that! We could be up all night!” That was Totty, answering Jyuushi while they walked. “I don’t have morning shift tomorrow, so as long as I can sleep four or five hours, I’ll handle the afternoon shift smoothly.”

“I can skip one day,” Ichi said, going along with the plan.

“You all know I don’t have any plans” That was Osomatsu, scratching under his nose. “And you, Choro-rising?”

“Well, contrary to our shitty eldest, some people have to study. And today I should go to work, but one of my co-workers owes me one so he can cover for me.”

He immediately took out his phone to call his co-worker. Karamatsu accepted with a smile, all while waving his hand to Jyuushimatsu, who was waiting for them in a corner with his baseball uniform completely dirty and a big bag in one of his hands.

“Nice. We could have a food war!” The guys looked at the only lady in the group with an inquisitive look, wondering if they understood that sentence right or there was a problem with her Japanese again. “Sorry, I’ll explain. It’s a thing I used to do with my cousins when we had sleepovers. We bought a lot of things from the nearest convenience store and tried to make edible combinations with the weirdest stuff. The one that tastes the best and does not kill any of the tasters wins”

Karamatsu knew from the sparkle in his brother’s eyes that they were amazed at the idea. He was glad that his friend had a first aid kit with medicine against stomach aches, nausea or even… other disgusting things that could happen after eating something that the stomach did not accept. After that time when he tried her food and ended up throwing up like he had a fire hose inside him, Yuki took precautions. They caught up with Jyuushimatsu, explaining to him what their plans for the night. Everybody got so excited that they avoided the fast food and went almost running to Yuki´s house, almost attacking the store that was on the other side of the street. When they got to Yu’s place, each of them was carrying two gigantic paper bags filled with almost anything they could buy, making an effort to walk into their host’s house without falling straight into the ground as they could barely see anything with their bags.

They came in, left the bags over the coffee table and then they took their time to look at the place while searching for a place to sit. Yu told them to make themselves comfortable on the couch and gave them the puffs and some big, fluffy pillows. They all chose a place, always surrounding the coffee table as that was going the place they were going to use for their crazy experiments at the time that Yuki prepared some tea for the six of them. Jyuushi asked if he could take a bath, as he had some extra clothes he could use and Yu told him that there was no problem with that as long as he left everything as clean and tidy as he found it. Jyuushi obliged, washing in such a short span that he was back in the room so quickly it made Totty jump in surprise.

Yu did not see anything, as she was in the kitchen making tea.

“Does anybody prefer coffee or plain water?” she asked. They all mumbled a “no,” still looking around. Karamatsu was the only one that acted like he owned the place, sitting on the right side of the couch and taking control of the control remote. His brothers looked at him surprised, as that was not the way someone was supposed to at in a friend’s house but, then again, Karamatsu had been in Yuki’s home so many times that he was probably comfortable.

So they decided to relax. Ichimatsu and Osomatsu started to take things out from the bags while sitting on the floor at each side of the table. Jyuushi was in possession of the puff that was positioned next to the couch, and Todomatsu was making himself comfortable in a pillow, resting his head on the couch’s arm that actually had to be used by Karamatsu, though the second son did not mind at all. Choro was at the other side of the couch, leaving the middle for Yuki who came back with a big tray filled with cups of green tea, sugar, and milk.

Ichimatsu lifted an eyebrow.

“You drink green tea with milk _and_ sugar?”

“Sometimes. It’s better with black tea. I know that green tea it’s not supposed to have sugar in it, but I brought it just in case… It’s the Italian in me, telling me that tea needs to be sweet.”

Totty laughed, taking pictures of the cute little white cups with the shape of flowers filled with tea and the coffee table filled with packages of food, sweets, sauces, bread, and snacks.

“I could try it. It’s always nice to taste something new everyone in a while. So, what are we going to watch first?”

Yu sat down in her place, making a little room on the table to leave the tray and gave each brother their corresponding cup. She put just one teaspoon of sugar in hers before looking at the TV. Totty did add sugar and tea to his and seemed pleasantly surprised, but the rest kept it like it was.

“Karamatsu, you took possession of the remote already?”

“I know you enough to know which series you want us to watch first” and as he said that, he clicked on one show that Yuki really liked. They had like three all-nighters with that one already, and they loved it, but their brothers did not look so convinced.

Osomatsu took a sip of his tea, and he immediately opened one of the bags with mini custard cups, taking a handful just for him while the rest grabbed some. Ichimatsu, on the other hand, opened a bag of dried anchovies, and Jyuushimatsu opted to take a package of chips that Yu described as ‘fucking weird’ because they were milk flavored.

“The hell are we going to watch?”

“It’s a show about a half-alien kid that lives on the beach with her alien aunts and fight against alien monsters” Karamatsu answered. Watching their faces was priceless, especially whenever he remembered himself being as skeptical as his brothers when he was first introduced to the show. So, despite his brother’s complaints he pressed the play button and started watching it.

Of course, during the first episodes, all that his brothers did was to complain about how boring was the show and the fact that Yu kept it in its original language with Japanese subtitles. But as the tea and three bags of shrimp chips disappeared, the complaints also ceased to exist.

“Oh God…” Totty was with his stomach over the pillow, his elbows on the floor and his head resting in his hands. “This started with a kid thinking an ice cream gave him powers, and now he is rescuing his alien gem aunts from a giant jail in space… And… I like it… Goodness, Yu. What did you do to me?!”

“Just let the magic sink in, Todomatsu. Let it. You know you want to.”

“Ugh!”

They got to the half of the second season when Jyuushimatsu’s stomach started to grumble.

“I need some home run food and hit the ball in my stomach!”

“I have no idea what you said” Yuki left the couch, sitting on the floor in front of the food. “But this is a good moment to experiment and eat! Let’s kill this hunger… And hope we don’t die trying.”

Osomatsu laughed out loud.

“Well, I always wanted to play with my food. So… we just gather something, combine and give it a try?”

“Yeah, in turns. Why don’t you start, Jyuushimatsu?”

He took a moment to think, looking at all the food and snacks in front of him. In the end, he grabbed something quickly, went to the kitchen and came with a bowl full of hot Cheetos and Chili chips sink in chocolate pudding. Choromatsu made a horrified sound as the bowl was displayed in front of them.

“This looks so disgusting, Jyuushi.”

“Well, you know the rules. You can’t back out now” he said, eating some himself. He actually liked it, and he was too hungry to complain.

Yu nodded.

“He is right. Woman up, Choro. It could be good.”

She leaned and took some of the chips, followed by Jyuushimatsu, then Karamatsu, and so on until all of them were eating. Totty and Choro ran to the kitchen to spit it out, but the others found it quite tasteful. Karamatsu ended up grabbing more, to the disgust of the only two people who did not like it. No matter if they were going to end up with a stomach-ache, the bowl was emptied after a few minutes.

“Okay, who’s next?”

Totty raised his and.

“Oh, oh, me!”

And he did not even wait for an answer. He had bought just the right thing, he was sure about it. And it was expensive too, so he was sure he was going to win this little culinary challenge of them. He went to the kitchen with a small watermelon he had in a paper bag and took his time to cut it into small pieces and cover it with seasoning salt. It was a winner, there was no way in hell any could beat the combination of flavors and he was sure as hell that Yuki probably never tried it before; yes, there was the possibility since she had been living in Japan for a while but he had a hunch. So when he came out of the kitchen and left the plate with the pieces of seasoned watermelon, he was convinced he was going to win even if his brothers were looking at him like he made a stupid joke because they ate that every summer.

“Yuki-chan, you are our host. So you try it first” he said, offering the plate to her with his best cute smile. She smiled back, took a little watermelon triangle and ate it without any doubt. It was fun looking at her expression changing from not understanding what was going on to marvel.

“Holy hell… This is good!”

“I knew it.”

“What?!” Osomatsu took a piece and bit it. “Don’t be fooled, Yuki. This can’t be so goo… For fuck’s sake, it is awesome as always.”

Totty laughed in triumph, his brothers falling for his delicious combination one by one. Even the ones who pretended not to like it at first ended up enjoying it at the second bite, making him dance in the spot as their faces changed for the confusion. They hated it and loved it at the same time, unable to stop eating the watermelon. The Matsu’s only forgot about the strange party that was happening inside their mouth when they realized that, unlike them, Yu ate the whole piece of watermelon. Not whole, exactly, but she ate it until there was only the white part and the skin left which was actually something pretty strange.  They all looked at her, weirded out, as she left her completely clean watermelon on the same plate that they left their pieces, which still had a considerable amount of red watermelon in them.

“Uh? Guys, why are you not finishing it?”

Choromatsu coughed.

“That’s how you are supposed to eat a watermelon.”

“No. You have to eat it all. What’s the point in leaving all that fruit in it? Besides, they are expensive.”

“Uh… W-well… That’s…. That’s just how you have to eat a watermelon, end of story!”

She tilted her head.

“Is this a Japanese thing?” they nodded, still looking at the completely clean piece of watermelon like it was possessed by the devil. “So… If I am surrounded by people that I don’t know I should do that. Okay, yeah, I can do that. It’s a waste of fruit and completely opposite of what I’ve been taught all my childhood, but as long as I am not the one paying the watermelon I can live with it.”

Ichi became curious and then he ate his piece exactly like Yuki did, making his brothers squirm.

“Mh… It’s not that bad, I can see by would you eat it like this. But be careful, though. You know how people can be about these things. We Japanese are not good at dealing with different things, even if they come from a cute girl.”

“Aww, you think I am cute!”

“And strange. But I like strange.”

“Yuki-san, Yuki-san!” Jyuushimatsu jumped in his seat, leaning forward so he could grab her shoulders and shake her a little more gently than he used with his brothers. She was a girl after all, and he did not want to hurt her using the same strength that he used with his twins. He was excited and a little bit too happy because the salted watermelon woke him up like a warm cup of coffee. “So you eat like this in your homeland? Are there a lot of weird food stuff from your land that you can’t do here?”

Yuki laughed wholeheartedly and started telling them about the food in her homeland. It was a cultural shock for them realizing that it was normal for people to eat grapes and apples without peeling, even in public. Todomatsu was scandalized and refused to believe their friend until she went to the kitchen and came back with an apple, biting it in front of them without peeling it.

“The pizza it’s completely different. So warm and full of cheese, covered in pepperoni and spices over a thin but soft dough. Full of flavor! I’ve tried some of the American pizzas that they sell here, and they are like… Like…. What’s the word for _cartone_?” She grunted under her breath and reached for her phone, clicking through apps and dictionaries for some minutes. “Cardboard! There. Sorry, sometimes I mix the words. What I was saying?”

“You insulted our delicious pizzas!” Osomatsu pretended to be angry, crossing his arms over his chest while turning around, all dignified and important, to the other side.

“Yeah, they are crap. Well, not all of them, there is actually a place where Mikuru-nee took me, and they have the most exquisite pizza. I mean it’s not as good as my grandma’s homemade Italian pizza, but it’s the best I found here.”

“Well, damn. Now I want to try them. Take me to Italy with you, Yuki. I’ll behave”

“You wish, Osomatsu. You wish.”

She told them about some of the foods that she missed and could only get there; getting her laptop from her very own room so they could see pictures of it. A strange apple that looked like it was made of gelatine or shaved ice on the inside, _melograno_ , which was the name for pomegranate, and the tremendously enormous quantity of orange trees, pear trees, fig trees. She also missed her family recipes mostly because she was unable to copy her aunt’s minestrone or her granny’s special broth or her uncle’s turkey. While they were discussing meals, Ichimatsu made his own franken-food: cookies covered in cheddar cheese. It was a rather bland combination that nobody was able to enjoy as the mashup became a bland, weird mass into their mouths leaving an acidic after-taste that was impossible to erase even after two bottles of pocari and a glass of the purest fake orange juice they could find in the kitchen, until he decided to add sea salt and Nutella to the cookies and transformed them into small bites of pure bliss.

Of course, it was a heavy mash-up, so even if they all had a good time eating it, they were unable to pass it after the second cookie. So Jyuushimatsu resorted to eating the whole batch by himself, inhaling them like a vacuum cleaner.

Just in case, Yu went to her bathroom and came back with a first aid kit and left it nearby.

“Better be safe than sorry,” she said, looking at Jyuushimatsu warily, though he seemed as fine as ever.

They took a little break with coffee, watching a Japanese show that Totty recommended. Choro tried to convince them to watch a show about idols, but Yu forbid the very mention of idols and anything that had to do with them, so he went to the corner and pouted.

“So, Todomatsu” Karamatsu was drinking coffee, wondering how their stomachs could handle the amount and the kind of food they were consuming. “What’s this show about?”

“Oh, it’s a re-telling of a real criminal case. You know about Issei Sagawa, right?”

Yuki made a grimace.

“Isn’t that the crazy asshole that murdered, dismembered and ate a young Dutch student in France?”

“Yeah… But it’s more complicated than that.”

“The one who also got away with it by pretending he was about to die and then was able to be free after only 36 months? The one who, despite committing a horribly vile and disgusting act against the body of a poor girl, was able to live freely, transformed into a celebrity even though the girl’s family was devastated? Even though he took a life and then ate another human being?”

The way she was talking about it and the fact she was clenching her fists to the point her knuckles were becoming white told Todomatsu that it was definitely a bad idea to watch that show. He couldn’t understand what was wrong, so he wondered if he had done or said something that would’ve hurt her foreigner sensitivities, but the air in the room was getting thicker with tension. Karamatsu looked at him, frowning, while he patted Yu’s back. The direct contact made her wince like she was not there and Karamatsu took her out from the storm that was clouding her mind. For an instant, an infinitesimal instant, he could tell that their friend was scared.

He may not understand why she was acting like that, but he could be fair and put on another TV show. After all, seeing her like that made him feel terrible.

“But there’s another one I’d like to watch!” he suddenly said, giggling like he always did. “It’s called ‘The mysterious thief Yamaneko’; it’s about an eccentric phantom thief who steals money from corporations and rich people while exposing their dirty laundry. Isn’t that awesome? The actress it’s soo cute! And I think that the actors will suit your tastes?”

She relaxed almost immediately and snorted, looking at Totty with a thankful smile.

“A phantom thief? Like Robin Hood? Sure, I think I would like that.”

Totty clapped of happiness, put on the show and took the chance that Yu was sitting on the floor to move slowly and subtly to sit right next to her. The show had action, humor, a nice strike of drama and the cases were actually realistic to the point they were all rooting for the thief. Coffee and tea were drunk while watching the show, banter and jabs were made. Osomatsu even said something about dressing like the protagonist so he could “get some girls.” After some episodes, they got surprisingly hungry again, so Choromatsu got up and prepared his version of a franken-food because he was the only one not interested in the show and he was the only one who wanted to get up. He came back with mugs filled with fruit cereal mixed with milk and ice cubes.

Though they were all skeptical, that thing was actually satisfying.

Of course, Karamatsu could not be left behind. That’s why he used his supreme chef instincts to fade away in the kitchen during commercials to prepare a quick franken-food. At first, he had thought about sweet popcorn with milk, but that would be too similar to his young brother dish, so he went a step forward and did something else. Todomatsu was not the only one who spent some money on food. He had bought something that was not safe to be kept at room temperature, so he took the first opportunity he saw when they arrived to hide it in the fridge. There it was. A lovely pack of strawberries. They were utterly expensive so he could only buy one package, but he was decided to do something good out of it.

He washed them, chopped them and sprayed them with balsamic vinegar as quick as he could so he didn’t miss a lot of the show.

He presented his food, though it was received with a big share of weird looks. Even Yu was a little bit surprised, but after Jyuushimatsu had dug in like a pro, she did exactly the same. Karamatsu did not really care if his brothers like his creation or not because when he saw Yuki’s eyes gleaming of happiness and heard her making cute sounds of pleasure, he felt victorious. He did not care if he wins that silly contest, Yu was actually happy with the strawberries and was the only one besides Jyuushi who still ate them after tasting them.

“I don’t understand how you two can eat that. It’s so odd” Choromatsu was looking at them like they were crazy, probably waiting for them to puke or feel sick. “It’s so tart but fruity and… and…”

“And pure awesomeness!” Yu took another piece, eating it whole. “Right Jyuushimatsu?”

“Hustle, hustle. Muscle, Muscle!”

Karamatsu laughed, patting his brother’s head. At least the ones he liked the most loved his strawberries. Seeing them so happy was worth the price of the fruit.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

After a consensus, the whole group decided to stop the show for a while so they could finish it together the next time they had a sleepover. Instead, Yuki lend the Matsuno’s their laptop so they could play games in it and Totty got really excited when he realized that she had a game that he wanted to try for a long time. He read about that game almost on every internet forum, and he had wanted to try it for so long that he begged for Yuki to let him play. She laughed, allowing him to play as much as he wanted and soon the pink Matsuno had five of his brothers surrounding him, watching his 2bits adventure.

Karamatsu tilted his head.

“Should we warn him about the different ending depending on your actions?”

Yu smiled, watching as Todomatsu got ahead of himself and killed the first enemy. It was not actually the enemy, as it was the lady who saved the protagonist from a demonic, murderous flower.

“Nah, let’s not.”

Todomatsu’s scream when he got the “genocide ending” could be heard five kilometers around.

After Totty’s emotional breakdown, it was Osomatsu’s turn to make a new franken-dish, but it did not end well. The eldest had the marvelous idea to mix bananas with mayonnaise, lime, and pepper. The result was so hideous that Totty and Ichi ran to the balcony to spit the disgusting mix they had to try. Yu closed herself into the bathroom, Choromatsu threw up in one of the empty paper bags and Karamatsu was the only one who did not swallow it, so he just spits his banana in the kitchen’s trash can and then drank the last bottle of _pokari_ in one breath.

Of course, the only one who ate the damn thing was Jyuushimatsu. Osomatsu was pouting.

“C’mon guys! It can be so bad!”

Choromatsu’s vomiting was the only answer he had.

Karamatsu took it in his hands to help his brothers, especially to Choro and Totty, who could not stop feeling nauseous and were gagging. He gave them medicine, water, and made some dark tea to ease their stomachs as Osomatsu put away all the food that was still in their packages and threw the rest of the bananas to the trash can  while  Jyuushimatsu cleaned the place. Even Yuki was a little dizzy, so she stayed on the couch resting against the right arm of it. Despite the night ending with half of them pale and feeling like their stomachs were twisting, Yu started chuckling when she received her cup of tea, leaning on Karamatsu when he sat next to her.

“You know guys? I am glad I met you. It’s so easy to be with you… Most of the people I met in Japan outside Sekirotawa made it difficult for me to adapt. You know, the people here are so… Hum… So reserved and polite” Yu made herself comfortable, drinking a sip of tea with her eyes closed. It was late, they had eaten a lot and watched a lot of things, now she seemed to be tired, but she was not the only one. The sextuplets wanted to rest a bit too. But they kept quiet, smiling while they were listening to their friend's rant in her weirdly accented Japanese. She looked like she was about to fall sleep and her tired expression, her closed eyes, her cheeks lightly flushed made her look cute in their eyes. They all wanted to put a blanket on her and watch her sleep. “I mean, I still can’t get used to using _keigo_ with my friends because they’re a higher rank than me at work. People still think I am loud and too emotional… But you make me feel welcome. Like part of the group. Thanks”

Karamatsu put his arm around her shoulder, hugging her. The Matsu’s looked at the display of affection with a mix of envy and surprise, as it was not normal for a guy to openly touch a female unless they were dating or an official couple. But, then again, they had to remember that Yu was a foreigner and she came from a country where people kissed each other as a greeting, hugged for almost any reason and were loud and noisy. That was probably normal for her.

“Awww, Yu-chan, that’s so sweet,” Totty said, going to her to hug her too, sneaking his head in the whole of her neck so he could sniff her perfume subtlety. The rest squinted and grunted.

“You little…” Choromatsu coughed. “Well, sometimes you do put us off because of your foreign mannerisms… But you do try your best to acclimate to our customs and way of being, so it’s okay. Besides, you are a nice person.”

“And you curse like a sailor!” Osomatsu exclaimed, making the vein in Choromatsu’s forehead swell.

“Yes. Thank you for reminding us all of that, shitty eldest.”

Ichimatsu snorted, getting close to her so he could rest his body against her right leg as a way of showing affection. Almost like a hug, but in his own way.

“Yeah, you are cool. I like you. Even if you are weird.”

“Aw, guys. You think I’m weird.”

“Yes! Yuki-san is as great as baseball! Well, almost as great as baseball.”

“Heh, of course, that my beloved Yuki would be….” Karamatsu’s monolog was cut off as Jyuushimatsu threw himself over Yuki to give her a hug. His brothers complained that they wanted a hug too and they all started to push each other so they could hug her in what ended up being a messy group bear hug. Karamatsu had to move away so they would not crush him and he was actually worried about Yu’s safety, but she was laughing and patting their backs as best she could. He could not help but smile. It was a nice sight, his brothers and his best friend getting along like she was actually part of the family. When Karamatsu first met Yuki, he never thought that something like that could ever happen.

He is best friends with a foreign girl? Having a job? His brothers getting along with her and being decent instead of half- assed perverts? No, that thought would’ve never crossed his mind. Being so pleasantly surprised was indeed exhilarating. For him, Yu was one of the most important people in his life after his family so them getting along was like a dream come true. He could have her at home almost every day, talk to her over the phone and see her reactions to the different stupid things that he and his brothers used to do when they were playing around the house.

Karamatsu felt like he could spend days watching at her smile, admiring that little gleam in her eyes whenever she did. He could smell her perfume near him; he could hear her laughter or her voice singing for hours. Or just watching her sew. It warmed his heart, gave him peace.

That was why he wanted her to find a good man one day. Not now, of course, as she was not interested at all in finding a mate but someday in the future he was going to make sure that his beloved and dearest friend found someone who valued her as much as he valued her and treated her right. It was the least, the bare minimum he could do for her after everything she did for him. Even if it was not much for her, even if she didn’t do it to gain anything from helping him… Yu changed his life. Without her, he wouldn’t have the courage to get a job or talk back to his brothers. He would’ve spiraled down into his own darkness until his illness got the best of him and ended up hurting someone.

For him, she was the harbinger of light and good luck. Where there were grays, she brought color. Where there was darkness, she brought light.

Who could someone with a troubled life as she could be so good was a mystery to him? How a worm like him was lucky enough to meet and befriend someone like her was almost like an existential doubt. He looked at them transformed in a giant mass of people until Yu squeaked.

“Who the fuck touched my boobs?!”

Karamatsu groaned, hitting his eldest right on the head.

“Osomatsu what the hell?! You promised to behave.”

Laughter filled the room, except for Osomatsu who now had a large bump on his head. Despite that little incident, the night was a real success, but now every member of this international gang was getting tired, so Yu decided it was time to quit and get some sleep. She took out the bed sofas with Choro’s help, as Karamatsu brought some blankets and pillows from the closet in the guest's bedroom. Jyuushi claimed the puff as his true bed, Ichi and Choromatsu slept on one couch while Totty used the other one all for himself. Osomatsu was supposed to sleep with Totty, but he decided to own the guest room and fall asleep before anybody could say anything, so now Karamatsu did not have a place to sleep. He could share with Totty like Ichi shared with Choro, but whenever he tried to get close to the bed, his youngest brother hissed and growled because he wanted to have space for himself.

_Well, damn Todomatsu._

Yu yawned, going to her bedroom.

“It’s okay, Karamatsu. Let me put on my pj's and you can sleep in my bed. It’s pretty big, so we won’t be crammed” His face went brilliant red to the point that even she noticed it. “Dude, it’s not the first time we sleep together.”

“Y-yeah, but… I’ve never been into your room and… And it´s your bed and… Oh god, that’s not how things are supposed to be!”

“Will you be like this the day your girl asks you to take a nap with her in her bedroom?”

“No! Yes…? I… Don’t know. It’s inappropriate to sleep next to a young maiden in her bed. I- I mean…” he was tangling himself up, but Yu just stared at him more sleep than awake, or so he believed. “A true gentleman…”

“Karamatsu.”

She interrupted him, taking his hand and almost forcing him to follow her into her bedroom. He should’ve resisted, as he was stronger than her, but he did not even try to. Karamatsu left himself being dragged away to her bedroom. Then she went to her closet, grabbed her PJs and turned around to face him.

“I know you are a gentleman and, more important than that, you are my friend. I have never, ever, slept next to somebody that I did not trust and you can guess why after all the stuff I’ve been telling you” and he could, but interrupting her would’ve been rude. “I trust you. You are my friend; I know you wouldn’t even take my hand if I was uncomfortable with it. We are going to sleep, completely dressed in bed. As friends. If you really hate it, I think you can try and convince Totty to let you sleep with him, but… Geez, I trust you, okay? That’s it”

And, with all that, she pressed her clothes against her chest and left, probably to change in the bathroom. Karamatsu watched her leaving, wondering if he had offended her somehow. He just could not bring himself to sleep in such an intimate way with a lady, not in bed. It was not the same as falling asleep on her couch or in her puffs, it was a bed, a damned bed that was supposed to be used for couples to do private things. Then again, he thought as he looked around the room, she was not his lover but a friend. A friend that sucked at cooking, that was always there for him, a friend. Simply and lightly, a friend. There was no need to think that much of it, they were just going to sleep and he would rather cut his hands off before trying anything weird with Yu.

_Then why I am so stupidly nervous? She is right, it’s not the end of the word. I mean, it’s not normal for Japanese standards but… Well, we are in the XXI century! Damn it._

He had to calm down. As a way of calming his accelerated heart, Karamatsu decided to look at Yu’s room. The walls were pastel yellow. She had an enormous closet that was to his right, and it covered the whole wall. She had a pretty big sommier bed in front of it, right under a window covered in adorable purple curtains with stars on it. Opposite to where he was standing there was a bookshelf covered in picture frames, CD boxes, and what it seemed to be a few sketchbooks. He went to it, surrounding the bed which made the movement a little difficult. He ignored the CDs that occupied the first line of the bookshelf, so he concentrated in the other four lines. The first one had some sketchbooks, probably filled with some of her old designs, but it was the pictures that got his attention. Yuki as a kid using a cute blue dress with fruits printed on it holding a little baby, she with a kid that looked a lot like her both of them in front of a corn field. A really big family of happy people, smiling faces, all sitting around a large table so filled with food that it almost seemed impossible; so much ´people that he could not even count it and for the hands and feet’s that could be seen at the sides of the picture, there were probably more cousins or aunts that did not get in the picture.

It was odd; they all looked so different to each other even if they had some significant traits that allowed him to tell they belonged to the same family. There were some with chocolate skin and green eyes, some white as snow and red hair, some with different degrees of tan. He was not used to seeing people so different in the same family, not even in other Japanese families besides his own. There was also an alarming rate of twins and triplets. And pets. Karamatsu smiled as he watched the pictures of Yu with some old ladies, probably her aunts or grandmas. Pictures of her with that baby, with the kid who looked a lot like her, with other kids playing football and girls dressing her up like a princess, she and some adult eating cherries.

Then, he saw.

There were two pictures in the middle. Both of them were cut to an extent. The first one had a beautiful lady with curly dark hair, big cat-like blue eyes, and a lovely smile. She looked happy and young, full of life and color. Her lilac dress made her look like a fairy from another land as she seemed so delicate and feminine that it was almost heart-warming. Karamatsu had the thought that if he had met her, he would’ve fallen in love with her. The lovely woman was holding a baby and had two eight-year-olds at her sides. One was Yuki, he could recognize her eyes anywhere even if she had baby fat and short hair, but the other one was that boy who looked so similar to her.

_So… This was her mother. And these are her brothers. Her twin does look a lot like her, just small little differences._

They were even using the same clothes: A shirt and shorts. They were all smiling, also. But there seemed to be somebody else in the picture right behind the mother, but he was cut with extreme care not to damage the rest of the image. The other picture was sadder. He recognized Yu in an instant. She looked younger but devastated. Her skin was too pale, and it was obvious that she was sad despite that she was smiling for the camera. She was standing right beside her twin, with the other little brother in front of them. They were all using Japanese school uniforms… And there was a man in a suit behind them, whose head had been cut off. She looked young, lost, too thin and had bags under her eyes.

That was fourteen years old Yuki, trying to be strong for her little brothers before that horrible man threw her out into the streets. That was probably the last picture she had from her brothers, as she was unable to reach to them. And the guy in a suit whose face had been cut off was that disgrace she had for a father.

Karamatsu never thought he could hate a person without even meeting them, but he could. He actually could. But that hate and anger were not going to do any good to him, so he turned around and saw something else on the wall in front of him. There was where Yu put her desk, with her laptop, drawers, and anything that she could need but what caught his attention was a large cork organizer. Normally that thing is filled with useful things like important dates or reminders, but this was not the case as Yu’s organizer was filled with photos and odd stuff. She had a picture of herself in a uniform with a piece of paper glued to it that said “ _First job, yay_ !”, some pictures of herself with a group of other kids who looked as scrappy and hungry as she, but they were all smiling and laughing. There was some packages from some candy, pieces of papers with mottos on them, a picture of Yu in a bar with a lot of older women covered in makeup, another one of her with the kids eating ramen together in the park, pictures of her wit Ichigo and some other guys who looked tremendously terrifying, she using some clothes, she in her apartment with a paper that said “ _A home finally!”,_ Yu in a room which seemed to be a classroom surrounded with people of different styles and crazy hairdos and then a picture of her next to a mannequin fully dressed in what he thought was a lovely dress and her next to it holding what seemed to be a recognition for her work.

Karamatsu understood. It was her life, her progress, the things that made her happy and what she wanted to remind of. It was so inspiring that he could not stop looking at them.

“I see you got yourself occupied.”

Slowly, he turned. Yu’s voice did not sound mad, so he was not worried. She was there; finally changed in some comfortable orange cotton pj's for summer, and she was smiling. Whether she smiled because he was not nervous anymore of because she caught him red-handed, he could not tell.

“It gets attention, fairest maiden. I can’t just look away.”

“That’s what she said” chuckling, she went to his side and looked at the corkboard. “These are the things I want to remember. It keeps me in line when I feel like I am falling into a dark place. This is why I am working so hard.”

“I can tell. It’s moving… Who… Who are these kids?” he signaled the picture of her and the kids eating ramen.

“My friends. They are… were my friends. We made our own little family together while growing up in the streets. He” she pointed at one of the kids. He was tall and had his hair shaved, he was the only one who had scars on his face and arms. “Was Inu. The one who gave me that knuckle knife. I try my best to keep it hidden because it’s illegal to have it, but… It makes me feel like he is watching over me when I keep it close. He never knew who his parents were, taught us the ropes and the secrets to living like that, so we did not end up covered in marks like him.”

“So he was the leader, huh? He seems reliable, though scary.”

“He was. Did his best to keep us fed, as he couldn’t get a job with his scars. He kept us safe, warned us about the white vans and the gangs. Nowadays there are not as many gangs as back then, but… They were everywhere back in the day, so he kept them away from us by doing things for them. There were codes and rules that no one ever broke, and he kept to those rules to keep us safe. He sometimes did risky things. For us. He was great” she then took a moment and let out a small smirk. Suddenly, she looked older than she actually was and Karamatsu could see the weight of it in the bags of her eyes, in the little wrinkles that formed at the corner of her eyes. She looked tired, more mentally than physically. “Damn, I am talking about it like it was twenty years ago or something. I’ll only be twenty in a month… What the hell?”

He decided on a whim that it would be better to keep her talking, as it kept her looking young and… There. Like she was actually there and not somewhere else, too far away from him to help her.

“What happened to him?”

Karamatsu wished he had closed his mouth when he saw her eyes filling with a terrible pain.

“I didn’t have anything on me. I always had a bat or something like that to defend myself, but that time I didn’t. The gangs left us alone because they had a deal with Inu, he never told me what kind of deal… But… Some asshole did not obey the rules and attacked me.”

“Oh God…”

“If Inu hadn’t come… It was just pure luck he was nearby. He saved me, but he got angry. So, so angry… So a few days later he wanted to set things straight, but that asshole was a fucker who did not follow the rules nor the codes of the gangs. Beat him up. I looked for him for a whole day before knowing he was in the hospital and went for him but…” she closed her eyes for a second, and Karamatsu felt his heart ache. “There was nothing they could do. All I could only do was stay with him and only because the nurses thought we were brothers. Or maybe they took pity on me, I don’t know.”

“He gave you his knife then? I… I mean… I am truly sorry for your loss, am I being too insensitive? I just…”

The urge of flushing himself on the toilet stopped when she patted his shoulder.

“It’s okay. I was planning on telling you anyhow. Thank you, just bear with me for a while. I might get emotional” her laugh never sounded as sad and empty as in that moment “Yeah. He gave me his knife. Told me I had to get away and live a good life. ‘You are the only one who can do it, Yu. Promise you’ll do it for us’. So I promised. I took the knife, and he closed his eyes. Never opened them again.”

“I am sorry” Karamatsu looked back at the picture. That guy Inu looked like sixteen in that picture. Did he live long enough to see his nineteens? Did the other kids grow up and leave that life? “The others… What…?”

There was a girl, the only girl beside Yu. She was skinny, had big eyes and short messy hair. She was also the smallest of them all and looked like a gnome playing with giants. That poor kid looked even younger than the rest and so hungry.

“She was Keiko. Kei for us. Too curious, too prone to get herself in trouble. She could not see the dangers we were facing every day, and Inu made sure of that because he said that he wanted to keep her innocence. But that was her doom. Instead of gangs, hunger and strife, instead of being invisible and perverts in cars following us, she lived in a world of castles, princes and fairies” Yu shook her head, but her eyes were fixed on the face of that little girl. “I always told Inu that she had to grow up, that she would end up dead if we didn’t put some sense in her head. We were starving; we couldn’t live in a dream. He didn’t listen. She was the first of us to leave us… I think.”

“You think?”

“I told her to run away from the white vans. Avoid them at all costs. She did not listen. We… Fuck” Yuki took a deep breath, avoiding Karamatsu’s gaze for a while “We never found her; some guys said they saw her getting in one of the vans. The perverts tell you they’ll give you food or medicine if you go with them and ‘play.' Some kids don’t have a choice and do it” Karamatsu felt sick in the stomach, but allowed her to go on. “If you are lucky, they’ll take some naked pictures, and that’s it. If you are unlucky, they’ll ask some more. If God hates you, they close the doors of the van, and you never get out. Unless it is as some rich bastard’s pet or they ship you to some lame ass country where it’s legal to do dirty things to kids, or you end up donating your organs unwillingly. It depends.”

“Yu… I… That’s terrible!”

“I know.”

“Somebody should do something about it! Why… Why those things happen?!”

“For the same reason that Issei _I-take-out-my-sexual-frustrations-killing-and-eating-innocent-_ girls is a celebrity that appears on TV and has a soap opera based on his sorry murdering ass. It says a lot about the society we live in, don’t you think? But, between you and I…” this time, she looked a Karamatsu for a second, looking extremely guilty. “I… hope she is dead. It’s better to be dead than being alive and be someone’s slave. I can’t look for her; I can’t help her in any way. So I wish she is dead. Isn’t that a horrible thing to wish for?”

Karamatsu never thought that the world could be so dark and disgusting. He could see himself in that little girl, having dreams and thinking about princes, princesses and better times. He could be her if the circumstances were different but he was there, alive, and that poor thing filled with hopes and wishes was nowhere to be found. And nobody seemed to care. Nobody besides Yuki remembered her and she was unable to do anything about it, Yu had no means whatsoever to look for her lost friend. Little Keiko was a Jane Doe, a no one. Yu could tell the police, they could put her pictures in papers and on the internet, offering a price for any information, but after all the time it had passed and the fact that police didn’t really care about those kinds of cases… The only thing she could do is hope that that little girl was resting in peace. It was horrible.

And his biggest fear was finding a job.

_Damn._

“Yuki, you don’t have to tell me more if you don’t want to. I do want to hear about it, as heart-breaking as it is” he added immediately when she looked at him frowning, maybe thinking that he didn’t want to listen. “But I can tell this upsets you a lot.”

“It’s a wound that has never closed properly but… Well… I think you have a saying for that, right? ‘ _It can’t be helped.'_ I did tell the police back then, actually. Not then, but… After. When I became a real citizen with a job and a house. Still, nothing happened; I don’t know what I was expecting. But it can’t be helped” she repeated that phrase, looking at the picture. “I have to go on for her. For Inu. For… Oh yeah, Aoi” with a faint smile, she signaled the last guy of her group of friends. He looked normal. No scars, the same age as Yu but as skinny as her “He actually had a family but ran away. Said something that his father was a disgusting, perverted asshole and that he was going to kill him when he became stronger.”

“Eh…?”

“I never asked. Didn’t have to” she concluded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “After Kei was gone, nothing was the same. He changed, went to a dark place and became aggressive, mean” she scratched the back of her head, like she was trying to figure something out but ended up giving up with a sigh “I think that he was like that because all the suffering and hate he kept inside him, but Kei was able to make everything go away. With her gone, he was lost. So he became part of a gang. You know fights, alcohol and maybe drugs.  I asked him to come back because we could still make it. We were a group, a family. But Aoi wouldn’t listen, he said wanted to go down fighting.”

He could understand that in some dark and profound way. There were times he thought the same, though probably for different reasons.

“And he did, didn’t he.”

“Fuck yes, he did. He even took some assholes with him. There was this big fight between gangs, everyone knew about it, so anybody who did not want to be involved avoided certain places and kept hidden. I begged Aoi to leave, to come with me. He said he couldn’t. He… He said a lot of things. He disappeared the whole afternoon ‘taking care of business in case he hit the bucket.' Then the fight happened, and he went down. Next day I read the newspaper, and it seems that Aoi’s dad was beaten like hell, taken to jail, and the people in his neighborhood wanted to lynch him” as Karamatsu stood silently with his eyes wide open, she proceeded. “Somebody called the police and when they broke into the house found him beaten, tied to a chair, and surrounded by photos of naked kids. They searched the house down, and they found a lot of weird shit, but really weird shit that involved kids. Pictures, dolls, you name it.”

“How in hell…? How is that possible? It doesn’t make sense! He was a bastard but how often do you hear of something like this! Do you think Aoi did it?”

She shrugged.

“No way to ask him now, right? Besides, dude deserved it. Anyway… That’s my crappy story about all the shit that happened to my friends and me. How do you feel? Still not want to run away from me or are you regretting meeting me already?”

Karamatsu was about to answer, but then he stopped. Not because he didn´t know what to say or because he was scared of Yuki and her past. Because when he looked at her face, he was able to see the shadow of fear and even a little shame hidden behind her eyes, behind that smile that she always used to appear as a strong and easy-going person. She was trying her best to act strong, to pretend that she was just joking around and that she was not actually interested in a real answer. After all those years of acting and lying, Karamatsu was quick to grasp the deceit. Yu as actually good at acting, someone who was not an expert like him would’ve fallen for the trap, but it was not his case. And, because he was an expert, he could also tell that she actually wanted a real answer even though she was kind of scared of it.

_Is she scared?_

Was Yu under the impression that hearing all that stuff could drive him away from her? Was she embarrassed? Were maybe all those jokes she always did about not ‘being normal’ a hint of a hidden fear? If that was the case, and it seemed to be as she suddenly looked like a trembling puppy, Karamatsu had to make sure that she would never fell that way. He would never be scared of her or ashamed, not even in the slightest and the fact that she was opening up to him, telling  him some of her most terrible experiences that she tried to kept secret was a gift he was not going to spoil by being an insensitive bastard.

No. He was going to treasure it.

“Yuki, I would never run away from you, and I’ve never ever regretted meeting you. Ever”

“What if I am not as good as I think I am? What if I have secrets? What if… I don’t know. what if I was in a gang or something?”

This was worse than he thought.

“I would not care about it. I mean, you are not in a gang now, aren’t you? And everybody has secrets. You were my secret for a long time” at this, Yu seemed so perplexed that he coughed, trying his best not to blush. “I was afraid that my brothers would scare you away or try to hit on you, so I didn’t want them to know about your existence. And vice versa. I used to hide everything about you out of fear of them ruining everything and… Well… It felt nice having a secret, having something that belonged only to me. I didn’t want to share, ” and when he realized how weird that sound, almost bordering on obsessive, he felt the sudden urge to try and explain himself but he became a stuttering mess. “I-I mean, not that you are a… A thing or an object. And you s-surely don´t belong to anyone. And… Oh, God. Shoot me now.”

If there was a moment in his life when he wanted to be like a mudskipper and hide in a deep burrow in the Riverside, that had to be the one. Karamatsu was convinced that he had embarrassed himself to the point of no return until he heard Yu’s soft and cheerful laugh, muffled under her hand as she was covering her mouth probably to avoid waking up the others. She was blushing, just like him, but she seemed happy and more relaxed, so he took the chance to clear his throat and continue.

“Aaaand we all have a dark side. I… I’ve found out that I am not as good as I used to believe. I have a lot of anger in me and some other… Other un-pretty feelings” Karamatsu thought about the shadows in his mind, the other Karamatsu that whispered in his ear, the violence he hid from the world. “I am expected not to complain about these things, to be strong and take it. As you said, ‘it can’t be helped.' But I do feel, and it makes me think I am a bad person even though it’s not true. So don’t worry about that” he finally said, looking straight into her eyes. “I would never think any less of you. Actually, I admire you even more than before! You went through all that and look at you now! You have a job, a house, friends; you are doing what you love even if you have this need to leave your assignments for the last day. You… You are really strong, and brave. I hope to be just as brave as you someday.”

“Karamatsu…”

“I hope we can all be like you, even if it’s just a little bit. You inspire me, Yu. You make me think that there´s still hope for my brothers and me and… truth be told” he inhaled, deeply, and said what he wanted to said with his heart on his sleeve, meaning every worth of it. He wanted his feelings to reach her so she would never feel ashamed or scared. She had opened up to him; he had to do the same. “You make me want to be a better man. I wouldn’t have done anything of what I’ve accomplished in these months without you because I was a coward. You push me, you inspire me, I see you pacing relentlessly to everything, and I just have to do my best, too. That way I may reach you and be as proud of myself as I am of you.”

For a moment, he thought that maybe he had overstepped a line. She was there, looking at him with teary eyes and trembling lips. He did not mean to offend or upset her, he just wanted to be sincere and bare his heart to her, but maybe it was too much. Karamatsu was about to apologize when Yuki flung herself forward and cling onto him, hugging him tightly. She was warm and soft, her whole body was covered by the faint and yet delicious smell of strawberries and chocolate. Karamatsu felt his mouth dry for a second before he realized what was happening.

“That’s the best thing that somebody has ever told to me” Yuki muttered against his ear. “Thank you, Kara.”

He smiled, then. Hugging her back.

“No, thank you for my shining star.”

They kept hugging for a while, Karamatsu not wanting to let go. But she got away from their hug, in the end, hiding her face so he would not see her wiping away a few tears. Karamatsu did not say anything, just smiled and pretended he saw nothing in order to not hurt her friend's pride because she hated being seen while crying. So he turned his face to the cork board, focusing on another picture. Yuki in which seemed to be a bar. She was wearing too much makeup, leather clothes and she was surrounded by women who looked older and were surely dressed to kill. The one next to her was the most stunning: Brown curly hair that fell over her back in an abundant cascade, red lips, a corset that left nothing to the imagination and a choker on her neck with little red crystals on it.

“Who's with you in this picture? She’s beautiful. Intimidating and dressed like a vampire, but beautiful.”

“Oh, that’s Mikuru-nee. We met in a trashy bar I used to work in. I lied about my age for that job, but she could tell.”

“Wait, what? That’s your Neesan?! But she looks like she knows how to hide a body and you know I don’t judge people by their looks but… I kind of expected something else.”

Yu laughed again, having to cover her mouth with both hands now.

“She looks different now, she was going trough a dark period during those years. You’ll know when you meet her, she’s actually a marshmallow.”

“So… she doesn’t know how to hide a body? I won’t be in danger?”

Suddenly, Yu rolled her eyes and looked the other way, heading towards the bed.

“I’ve never said that”

“Yukiiii…!”

She laughed, and he had no other choice but to smile back. Hoping she was messing with him, Karamatsu went to bed forgetting any nervousness he ever had about sleeping in it with Yu. The lights went out and could not avoid snickering when he saw a lot of fluorescent stars glued to the roof. Yu, completely red, turned her head to the other side.

“Don’t laugh…”

“I think they are cute. It’s like I am sleeping in the yard like a little kid, looking at the sky and covered in the beautiful stellar mantle, taking care of me and giving me good dreams. Like little fireflies too far away from us to touch them, shining over us and…”

He interrupted his monolog when Yu took his hand, squeezing it tightly.

“I had a lot of fun today, Karaboy. Let’s do this again.”

His heart was pumping hard to the point it hammered his ears.

“Me too.”

“And… Thanks. For everything.”

He did not answer back, just squeezed her hand, feeling it small and warm. As the crazy beating of his heart calmed down, he looked at the side to see Yu sleeping. Maybe all the food, the noise or the emotional bonding moment they had taken a toll on her and she was already sleeping, but he could not close his eyes. He just looked at her and her peaceful face, at the bags under her eyes and her chest moving softly up and down under the sheets; he looked at her hair spread on the pillow the dark hair mixing with the new pastel orange that decorated some of her bangs, the moonlight that came through the window went directly to the bed illuminating her face, making her long eyelashes create shadows on her cheeks.

For the first time ever, Karamatsu thought she was beautiful. Not a beautiful person nor a beautiful soul, just beautiful. A beautiful girl. He swallowed hard, feeling still the warmth and softness of her hand in his… And then he started to feel sleepy.

Yu was definitely special. He would never run away from her. Karamatsu was convinced now more than ever that he had to give her back everything she had given him and make sure that she ended up with somebody who could really appreciate her.

He vowed that to himself before his eyes finally closed.

Someone roamed behind the room’s door, listening to everything. He didn’t mean to, he just woke up and saw them getting into the room, so he thought about making a joke. Scare them, maybe. But he heard them talk and froze, unable to do anything.

There was hope for them. Karamatsu thought so.

_Really now?_

He went back to the guest room, sinking his face on the pillow.

“Then why I feel there’s no hope?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again! I hope you like this chapter n.n It's special to me because I was able to make it for today, my birthday. Yay! And also because it's long and I was able to write about some silly things I used to do with my cousins when I was little, like the food wars. 
> 
> Do you have some memories like that? things you used to do with your siblings when you were little that now seems weird but fun? Believe it or not, thanks to that game I discovered that chocolate and membrillo (quince) can be a match made in heaven if you cook it right.
> 
> In case you don't know Hikkikimoris are young people who never leave their room and spend their time playing videogames or watching anime, completely shut out and avoiding social contact as much as they can. It's something that has been spreading a lot in the last years, especially taking into account the high expectations japanese society has for their people... Some feel they can't keep up and that'sn their way to escape. Last time I saw a documental about them, people from the goverment were worried because the tendency was increasing and with it the chances of people getting married and having kids decreased. Some other people consider hikkikimoris and people that can only have interactions with dolls, 2d characters and such as natural selection. How? They believe that if you can't get out of your room, make something of yourself and get a couple then you are weak and you don't deserve to reproduce. Thus, this hikkikimori issue is actually getting rid of the people who are not strong enough to pass their genes to the next generation. WEIRD.
> 
> On a side note, the case of that japanese men who ate a girl and was then sent home without fulfilling any sentence for his crime it's actually true. Search about it... When you start to investigate this kind of cases about guys who kill or hurt women in any possible way theres a lot, and I mean A LOT of ways in which they can go free of charge even whith solid evidence against them. That happens in so many cases in so many countries that victims often don't sue because... what's the point? It's scary.
> 
> Keigo is speaking in a certain way to a person that its in a higher rank than you at work, even if that person is your friend.
> 
> Shouganai means "It can be helpd" and its a Japanese philosophy... When something happenes, it happens, and getting mad or emotional will not change it so there's no point in complaining. Basically they are telling you to take things as they come and behave.
> 
> Leaving depressing stuff aside I hope you enyojed the chapter and remember, your comments feed my muses ;P
> 
> Ps: I was too ecited and posted this without a triple check of my beta so If you find some errors don't mind them.,.. They'll be edited soon x3


	18. Opportunities

Karamatsu counted his savings. He was trying his best to help around the house, and he also went shopping with Totty so now he had all the clothes, jackets and glasses he needed. He had come to the point that he didn’t have any reason to spend money, so he decided to save it to buy a new guitar, maybe even an electric guitar which had a cleaner and more profound sound. Karamatsu was serious about making music his career and, in order to do that, he had to have the best tools he could. 

Karamatsu was sure now that he wanted to be a professional musician and make a life of it, though he did not want to be some kind of famous singer that went around the country to make big ass concerts like Miyavi or something like that.

He would not lie and say that he did not want to have a band because he did want that, but he wanted to sing and was not interested in becoming known to the entire world, he just wanted to be able to live a good life doing what he loved the most. 

That’s why he had been spending the last few nights reading and searching online, reading articles about famous musicians and web pages that explained how to become a musician and he came to the conclusion that there was no way he could follow those incredible rich guitarists from famous bands at all. But there was also a huge amount of people who were in the music industry without being famous and earned a nice amount of money, people that could be called “medium class musicians” because they had a good life without being reknown like Carlos Santana.

So he started to read about these people, leaving the rich and famous behind. Karamatsu started to make plans based on this articles but, instead of doing them from the beginning, he started to make them from the end and working down boards. When he talked about it with Choromatsu, his brother told him that doing things like that made no sense whatsoever, but Karamatsu felt that it was easier for him to plan things like that.

His main goal was to build his financial freedom to point that he would be allowed to write and record his music without having to work for a living. So, from that main goal, he could go back and note all the things he needed to do without getting lost until he reached the very same spot in which he was already in. It was easier because it allowed him to realize all the things he didn’t know, noted them and then do research about them. It’s easier to find answers to things that you don’t know when you realize what it is that you actually don’t know. Planning from the beginning would avoid asking the right questions and leaving a lot of information behind.

Based on that plan he realized he needed to step up his game and improve the tools he had at hand. He needed a new guitar, he needed to improve his skills and get better at singing and composing. There was a lot of musical theory and the physics of sound that he needed to learn about. For now, there was no chance to learn all of that in a school because it was terribly expensive so, for the time being, he was stuck in searching, reading, noting his doubts down and learning on his own. He was trying to prepare himself mentally for what the industry was, trying to be “success-minded” and implement that in his music but he also knew that he needed a strategy to become a musician and he was not a natural born strategist.

He could not fail, Karamatsu knew that. If he was going to do this, he would have to put his mind, heart and soul, everything in his being into it. He had to be passionate about it and think about the big picture of what he wanted to achieve, every little action reaching towards that picture. But there was a lot that he didn’t know about that world, so he was thinking about going to a musical mentor to receive some advice.

There was nothing wrong with receiving some advice, especially if he really wanted to make a living from this. He needed to make a list of studios, musicians and bands which could need his services, a list of clubs and booking agents to contact, he needed to survey his local fans no matter how few they were and make sure he could contact them. He would need Todomatsu’s help with social media to be more known; not famous, but known. He needed people that would follow him because of his music so he could grow as a musician, not become the next Justin Bieber or something like that. 

Fame was not going to give him the money he needed to be able to write the songs that he wanted to write, fame could transform him in half-assed wannabe with catchy commercial songs.

Karamatsu wanted more.

So now he was working on that, and he went to Alterna during the week to earn more money, he also played on the streets or the subway. That didn’t mean that he stopped spending time with his friends and family, as he went to Yu’s house two times per week and he also went out with his brothers to have some bonding time. He also went out with his friends at Alterna, and he was exchanging messages with those girls he met with Yuki at the park not too long ago.

Even with all that outing, he still was careful not to spend too much, so he always ended up saving a nice sum of money that he was going to use to pay his musical mentor and get a new guitar. But there was a little problem. 

He finished counting his savings and became furious, coming out from his bedroom and going to the living room to find four of his brothers as Todomatsu was out that day. His brothers perked up as soon as they saw him coming probably because he was mad and they could tell.

He went straight to Osomatsu and hit him hard in the head.

“Ow, what the hell!” Osomatsu screamed, holding his head with his hands. “What’s wrong with you?! Do you think I can’t punch you because you are my brother, huh? I won´t hold back, you know!”

“Osomatsu…”

His voice was piercing cold. The veins in his forehead swelled, his fists clenched and his whole body was exuding anger.

“My savings. I count them every day, and now there were one hundred thousand yen less than yesterday. What did you do?”

Osomatsu took a step back and used Choromatsu as a shield to the dismay of his third brother, who started squirming to get away from him.

“W-why do you suspect me?! It could have been any of us!”

Choromatsu growled.

“Don’t put me in the same bag as you, shitty eldest! We all have a job besides you, and you are the only one who steals money like that!”

“It could have been Ichimatsu!”

Karamatsu cracked his knuckles, and Ichimatsu got up, his dark aura leaking too as a result of his brother accusing him. In the end, Osomatsu shrieked and went to his knees.

“Okay, okay, it was me! I went to the horse races! I…”

He could not finish his sentence because Karamatsu hit him again.

“Don’t touch my stuff!” he yelled, as angry as he could be. He had made a rule of nobody touching his belongings, ever. He was very clear about it, as he wanted to have as much privacy as he could. Karamatsu didn’t want his brothers touching his clothes, his guitar, his notebook, his cell-phone and even less his wallet. He already put money into the house and lent money to them whenever he could, they had no reason to touch his things. 

“I already told you that! Is it so hard to understand? Dammit, Osomatsu. I am trying to save money to buy what I need, but I can’t do that if you keep stealing from me!”

“Whoa, okay, okay, no need to be like that. Geez, it’s not like you desperately need those things, right?”

“Yes, I do. I don’t want you touching my stuff. I am the one who works his ass off for that money, if you want to gamble then get a job and pay for your own vices” but Osomatsu kept laughing, not really listening to him. Karamatsu didn’t know if it was because Osomatsu was used to doing whatever he wanted to or because he was not seen as a threat, but his attitude only made him mad. He growled and grabbed his eldest by his hoodie, pulling him to his body so quickly and with such a menacing expression that even the rest got scared. 

“I am warning you. Don’t touch my stuff. Don’t take my money. I will murder you.”

Osomatsu swallowed hard, feeling his knees shaking.

“Okay…”

“Good”

He rudely let go of his brother and went away. He was too angry to deal with his family for the time being, but later he would make sure to ask Choromatsu how to make an account in the bank so he could put his money there. If he could not trust his family to not take his money, then he had to take measures. For the moment, he decided to leave his house and go somewhere else to calm down. He thought about going to Yuki’s place but he knew that his friend was busy with some of her projects and knowing her as he did, Karamatsu was sure as hell that she left everything for the last minute and now was struggling to finish everything in one night, fuelled by coffee, ramen cups, and energy drinks.

He had been there while she was doing that once and was sure as hell that he was not in the mood to repeat the experience. Hence, he decided to text his friends from Alterna while he went for a walk. He could go buy some stuff, check out the music shops and then go to Chibita’s stall to eat some oden and talk.

Maybe I could ask Chibita to teach me how to make oden. Not that I’ll be able to make it as good as him, but I can at least try to make a more home-like recipe.

With that, he walked with some destinations in mind while he reviewed some of the stuff he had been reading and did his budget. He still needed to save more money for a new guitar and then figure out where he could learn how to use the electric guitar in a proper way to create a smooth sound. He was still trying to choose between the Martin LX1E and the Breedlove Pursuit Concert Mahogany.

He loved having those strolls alone every now and then, but the ones during evening or night-time where the best. He was so used to the constant noise in his house that he never realized before how maddening it could be, as it drilled into a person’s head to the point that not even their own thoughts could be saved from it. It was hard to think, to be creative, the mere idea of being alone in his own thoughts was so barren that the noise could even follow him whenever he tried to sleep. Or at least it could until he started to go for walks and running by himself, getting rid of the noise and impregnate himself with the beautiful sounds of nature.

Or what could be defined by “nature” in his town.

The sounds of bikes passing by, the happy chats of the ladies at the groceries store, the giggles of kids on the park. Or simply the sound of a town that was about to sleep. It allowed him to think, to feel at ease with himself. It gave him some time to cool down whenever he had one of his bursts of anger, and the best part of his strolls was the fact that they inspired his muses. He always ended up with an idea or two when he was out. Though that night he was just in search of some peace and tranquillity, enjoying the lovely spring breeze during the night. As soon as he felt calmer, he decided to visit Chibita at his stall.

“Hello, Chibita” he greeted his small yet energetic friend, all while sitting down. “The gods must’ve guided me here today, I was walking aimlessly, not knowing where to go and then the aroma of your delicious oden got my…”

Chibita scoffed, serving him a big plate of oden.

“Yeah, yeah, you love my oden, I get it. Here you have, Idjit. But you better pay me this time!”

“Of course.”

He answered without even thinking about it, already grabbing his plate to dig in. Savory and salty flavors invaded his mouth, decorating it with an acidic note that just enhanced the harmony of the other flavors, especially the mustard and seafood. Karamatsu loved Chibita’s oden. It was filling, delicious, even the after taste his soup left in the mouth was pleasurable and the textures of the different ingredients combined perfectly with the salty broth. 

Karamatsu had already gulped down half of his plate when he felt he was being watched and looked at his front, finding Chibita staring right at him with his mouth wide open.

Karamatsu chewed and swallowed.

“What’s wrong, Chibita?”

“You said you were going to pay.”

Karamatsu rolled his eyes. Figures.

“I did.”

“Are you mocking me, idjit?! You and your brothers have never paid me shit!” Chibita sounded more surprised than mad, but his mood swung quickly as he frowned and started yelling again. “Are you playing games with me? Huh?! If you are trying to trick me or something, I swear to God…”

“I’m not! Please, calm down!” Karamatsu extended his hand, trying to ease the angry cook with a soft movement. “Really, I’ll pay. In fact, I’ll cover the whole debt for you and… Oh my God, Chibita!”

He had to get up and rush because Chibita made a pained sound and suddenly he was on the floor. He barely had enough time to catch him before he crashed into the ground and as soon he did he had to make an effort not to panic and used his hand as a fan to give him some air. Karamatsu never imagined that his friend would pass out from being finally paid, so now was wondering if it was a good idea at all, but for the time being, he focused on helping Chibita. As soon as he woke up again, Karamatsu gave him some water and oden broth, to lift him up.

“Chibita, you have no idea whatsoever how much you scared me. I almost need a change of pants!”

Chibita needed some time to regain himself before answering.

“Well, whaddya expected from me you idjit?! Damn… I cannot even yell, my head hurts” he decided to take the broth and water and calm a little because that pounding in his ears was making him crazy. “Sorry about that… Didn’t mean to scare ya, idjit” 

Karamatsu waved his hand to make him know that it was actually not a problem but instead to go back to his seat he decided to sit right next to his friend at the other side of the cart, even if that meant sitting on the floor.

“I think I was just surprised, I never thought I would see the day one of you finally paid the debt. It’s… Am I dead? It was just some kind of weird, oden-induced dream?”

Karamatsu could not control his laughter at the idea of oden inducing dreams.

“Not at all, my friend! As I, Matsuno Karamatsu, made a bow to finally stop taking advantage of your kind and forgiving soul that had to put up with us, a group of six, untrustworthy NEETs. I will use the fruits of my effort to finally eliminate that tremendous burden…”

Chibita pressed the bridge of his nose with his right hand’s fingers, trying his best not to kill Karamatsu with his glass of water.

“Idjit, are ya going to pay or not?”

“Yes! The whole debt!” Of course, paying the entire debt himself would probably take some burdens off of his brother's backs and feed the belief that they could still not pay because he would be there to solve everything. He did not want to be his brother’s bank, especially not Osomatsu’s bank, so he had to make some arrangements. “But only for this time, I don’t want my brothers to get used to this. It would spoil them.”

“Well, well, I can’t believe it. Now I can say that I saw it all… A Matsuno paying off his debts, who could’ve thought?” Karamatsu blushed intensely, but Chibita laughed under his breath, making him know that he was just joking.“Now that I think about it, do you have the money? You are not going to try and pay me with pictures of you or something weird, right?”

Karamatsu couldn´t say that he hadn’t tried that before, so he blushed with embarrassment but quickly recovered and attempted to make one of his cool poses, making Chibita sigh.

“You are not helping, Karamatsu.”

“Sorry, sorry. Old habits die hard. The thing is that I’ll pay with money, real money” just to prove it, he took out his wallet from his pants. He got used to seeing it filled with money to the point that he could not believe that he was so comfortable being a NEET just a few months ago and being broke almost every day. “See? Real money. I’ve got a job now, even though it´s part-time.”

“What?! For real? That’s…. That’s amazing! We have to celebrate!”

Chibita jumped from on his feet again, pushing Karamatsu to the other side of the stall so he could sit in one of the benches.

“C’mon, idjit. Eat up! Eat all the oden you want, I’ll go get some beer. You have to tell me everything. Where are you working? Is it a good place? Please don’t tell me that you ended up in one of Iyami’s black factories again, right?”

Karamatsu burst into laughter, feeling excited just because Chibita seemed to be so excited. Between plates of oden and some beer cans, Karamatsu started to tell the whole history to him. How he used to feel, the card games incident, how he met Yuki and all the changes that he did in order to get a job. He also told him about Alterna, the people he met there and how much he enjoyed his work. Karamatsu had a really good relationship with Chibita and, truth be told, he was the only one who supported and helped him the first time he tried to move out. He still felt bad for failing him and going back to his parents’ house with his tail between his legs, crying like a baby… But now was the time to give him back a little of the kindness that Chibita showed to him.

And now his friend was laughing, serving him more oden to celebrate the fact that he was not a jobless idiot anymore.

“So, the music industry, huh? What, you wanna make it big and be known all over the world?”

Karamatsu could not help but laugh, realizing that some months back he would’ve probably said yes to that question but nowadays that was far from what he wanted. Yes, he wanted to be known, he wanted people to notice him, but he was not desperate for attention like before. He didn’t need that. If people enjoyed his music and he could move people’s hearts with it and, of course, gain money in the process, then he was a happy man.

“Not really, I just want to play and earn enough money to live a good life without having to sell myself to the media. I can’t imagine myself writing a stupid song about… Hum, I dunno, whatever commercial thing idols have to do nowadays. I want to write things with meaning, but I can’t just pretend that just by wishing it things will happen to me. I need a plan, and I need a strategy, so I am looking for a music mentor. I want to be part of the medium class musicians.”

“Wow, you really have grown up, idjit.” 

Karamatsu blinked a few times not understanding what he meant, so Chibita laughed and poured more oden on his plate. “A few years back you would’ve said something painful and stupid like ‘I want to give people dreams’ without having any idea whatsoever of what you wanted to really do or how to do it.”

“Oh…. Right”

Karamatsu was not proud of how much of an idiot he used to be, but his past would follow him forever, so he decided that it was better to get used to it.

“But now you are a sensible adult. I mean, you’ve got a job you really like, you’ve made friends, you have your own money, and now you know what you want to do. Ain’t that awesome?”

“Yeah” Karamatsu smiled, gulping down some beer. 

He decided to avoid that he almost had a nervous breakdown, the nightmares and his therapy for now. 

“I guess I needed a little push to finally grow a pair and do something about my life. Actually, that’s why I wanted to pay you.”

This time it was Chibita’s turn to be perplexed.

“What do you mean, Idjit?”

“Well, you were one of the only few who believed in me. You even backed me up before anybody else did, but I was such a coward that gave up and ran back to my brothers, even after all you did for me. That’s why I wanted to pay you, I mean… It’s the only thing I can do for you. I never thanked you for letting me in your house” he added as soon as Chibita opened his mouth to protest. “And I never said sorry for breaking your faith in me by running back. I mean you received me with your arms open and what do I do? I chicken out and go back to my brothers even though I knew that we were in some kind of toxic relationship…”

“Karamatsu, you don’t have to. It must’ve been difficult to you getting out of that kind of environment… I mean… Everybody goes at their own pace, I think?”

“Yes, but even so. This is the least I can do, so please accept it” he took a moment to have a piece of meat before speaking again. “But this is going the first and last time I’ll pay my brother’s debt. I don’t want them to think that they don’t have to pay you only because I did this”

Chibita nodded.

“Understood. They’ll pay for their shit. You know? All of this was indeed good for you. It’s the first time I hear you saying that your brothers can’t get their way.”

“Oh…” he wondered for a moment, trying to come with a way to explain everything that was going on with him but he could not find it, so he decided to simply, be honest. “Well, this may sound weird, but I am doing therapy now.”

“Finally” Karamatsu made a grimace, and the tiny men shrugged, drinking some beer. “Dude, it’s obvious that there’s something seriously wrong with the six of you, you all need therapy. I thought about getting you some counselor back in the day but knowing you, you would’ve refused. I’m glad you decided to do it on your own, though” Chibita left his drink to the side, getting a little bit of oden for him. 

They were celebrating after all, and there were no other clients besides Karamatsu. “Is it helping you?”

“Yeah, It is. My doctor is pretty nice… He told me that I need to get away from the hive mind and put limits to my brothers. And I think he is right, I allowed them to do too much… Not only to me, I mean… I’ve been dragged into their shit like ganging up against any of us who won at pachinko to get free drinks. I mean I don’t like robbing or embarrassing my brothers in public and yet I used to do those things because my brothers did them. I stopped following my own moral, my code… “

“It’s like forgetting who you are, isn’t it? Like suddenly I stopped loving oden and left Iyami to dictate what to do with my life. Like leaving pieces of you behind.”

Karamatsu smiled. No matter how much Chibita yelled at him and his brothers, even if he used to say that they were a big ass nuisance, he was one of the few people that Karamatsu could get along with. In his own way, Chibita was always worried about their well-being and seemed to be one of the few that could understand Karamatsu. They could talk about their passions even if they were different and comprehend the motivations of the other, maybe because they were on the same level despite being so different from each other. It was no surprise to Karamatsu that Chibita understood what he said, even though he phrased it in a more simple fashion.

“Yes, like that. So I am trying to find those pieces and make myself whole again. It’s been tough, but I can do it. I mean, I’ve met my best friend, I’ve got a job, I have a place where I can be who I want without being judged. I am helping to fix the house… And even my brothers are improving, too!” he exclaimed, too proud of his brothers to hide it. 

“But we still have ways to go. Not getting dragged to their antics and not letting them get away with everything is the first step.”

“Well, I am glad. I was about time you grew a pair and told them their truths! Honestly, I’ve been worried sick… You haven’t come around for a long time, and before that, you looked like a damned ghost. It was too much for you, wasn’t it?”

Karamatsu nodded, remembering those times with a foul taste in his mouth. Before that marvelous text message that changed everything, his life was a complete mess. He was a mess, and everybody besides his brothers could tell, but he was so deep in his own sorrow that he was not able to listen to Chibita every time he asked him if he was fine. His friend even offered him to stay a few days in his house because he didn’t look too good, but Karamatsu was only able to smile wryly and say that he was fine. Even Totoko asked him what was wrong with him, though he could not remember how or when. Those days were in some kind of blur in his memories.

“I know. That’s another reason for me to say sorry, you were worried, and I was in a dark place. I couldn’t… Well, I don’t know. Truth be told, my friend, I was such a mess that dark thoughts were polluting my mind. I was not even aware of it, and when I finally did and tried to do something about it, I had to face a lot of things and fight against my brother’s resistance because they did not want things to change. I know I should’ve come and talk to you, but I had to fix too many things at the time.”

“Eh,” Chibita shrugged, making a gesture to Karamatsu, so he served himself more oden. He was standing with his back fully straight, but Karamatsu could tell that he was relaxing his posture by the way his shoulders dropped a little bit. “I knew something was wrong, so I kept asking your mother about you, but I didn’t have the guts to go and visit you. So we are even. Besides, even though you look like a softie that can’t even walk straight without getting himself hit by something I had the feeling that you were going to be fine. As soon as I saw you running in the park, I knew that things were getting better.”

“How could you know?”

Chibita made a sound with his mouth and laughed a little, already relaxed.

“Well, your eyes! I saw you running with that determinate look in your eyes, and I was sure as hell you were doing fine. I thought: This idjit is going places.” 

Karamatsu laughed again, already feeling a little tipsy because of the beer. He decides to switch to water, for now, not wanting to get too drunk. “So, you said something about a friend, right? Tell me about them. Are you going to bring them here to taste my oden, right idjit?”

And Karamatsu did, having a long chat with his friends at Alterna and especially about Yuki, his most precious friend. He did not realize how much he praised his friend, how many stories about her was able to tell in just a few moments and the enormous quantity of pictures about the two of them together he had on his cell-phone. Chibita practically stood there, nodding every once in a while at the time that Karamatsu kept spewing roses and honey about that girl. He was even looking at the photos attentively, thinking about how only a few months back Karamatsu only had selfies, and now he had pictures of tons of people, food, and other things. But the number of pictures he had of that girl were out of this world.

“You do have a lot of pictures of her, hm?”

“Of course I do!”

Chibita had to bite his own tongue not to laugh about Karamatsu’s denseness.

“She’s really pretty. And seems to be fun” he added, looking at a picture of her drawing things onto a sleepy Todomatsu.

“Not only she is pretty and fun, but she's also so smart! And good, and amazing. She has such a cute voice, and she bakes like the gods. Someday I’ll bring you one of her desserts, and I swear to God your mouth will have an orgasm.”

“That’s an image” he had to shake his head to get that image out of his head. “You seem to like her a lot, idjit. Good for you.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Like, a real lot. Really a lot. Lots and lots.”

“Yes, I do like her a lot.”

It seems that this dense idiot does not understand or doesn’t want to understand what I want to say. 

Chibita thought, sighing.

He had to push a little.

“So… Does she have a boyfriend?”

“What? No! No way!” For a moment even Karamatsu stood quiet, surprised about his outburst. He should not be so eager to answer that, and he knew it but convinced himself that it was because he cared about Yuki and it was his job to make sure that she found the right person. “I… I mean, she is single. Too busy with her jobs and her studies, she’s not interested.”

“Aha.”

“She… She’s way out of your league anyway. Or mine. Or anyone’s league for that matter. B-but fret not! I’ll make sure to find a good girl for you, Chibita. I will also find a good guy for Yuki someday.”

“Pfft, I don’t need your damned help on that, idjit. Like hell! But, wait, you will find a guy for your friend? Seriously?”

“Yeah! It is my duty as a friend to make sure that she ends up with a nice guy, not some idiot who would break her heart. I mean, she’s so good…. And she did a lot for me. She’s pretty and witty and smart… I mean, I just can’t let any guy have her. She deserves the best, you know?”

Chibita did his best not to yell at Karamatsu, using his full strength to keep his cool and not snap because how dense his friend was. If Karamatsu couldn’t tell, maybe there was a reason.

“So… You want to find the right man for her?”

“Yes”

“Because you care about her?”

“Yes,” Karamatsu tilted his head, unable to see where the conversation was going.

“Because you care about her so much that you don’t want to see her in a bad relationship…. With somebody else.”

“Yes!”

“Damn” Chibita took a deep breath, decided to tell Karamatsu the hard truth. “Look, Karamatsu friends don’t do that…”

But before he could finish, Karamatsu’s cell-phone rang. Then the blue Matsuno picked it up quickly, exchanged a few words and then got up, hanging up at the same time.

“Sorry Chibita, something came up at home. I have to go” he took his wallet and paid him up, finally ending the eternal debt that the Matsuno’s had kept for years. “It was nice seeing you again, we can continue this some other day. Goodbye!”

Then he turned on his heel and ran away, going back home. Chibita sighed again, sitting down.

“That idiot can’t tell… Well, I hope he realizes it soon. I’ve never seen anybody’s eyes glistening that much when talking about just a friend.”

And with that, Chibita resumed to his duties.

\------------------------------------------

Karamatsu ran towards his house almost bursting in. 

Todomatsu was hidden in the bathroom and called him because Osomatsu was up to one of his stupid schemes again. Apparently, the youngest had won at pachinko and the eldest was able to convince the rest to gang up on him to take his money. Again. As soon as he saw his brothers trying to get into the bathroom dressed as the pachinko police, Karamatsu looked at them, breathed in, counted to ten and then he hit each of them hard on the head. 

His brothers were so surprised by the fact that he dared to hit them that Karamatsu was able to scold them while his brothers were on his knees still trying to figure out what had just happened and Todomatsu hid behind his second eldest brother, sticking out his tongue to the rest.

“C’mon guys! We are adults! Stop with this nonsense already, we can’t just gang up on each other for money. I mean, Choromatsu and Jyuushimatsu you have a job now. Ichimatsu, you have your allowance, right? And Osomatsu, you are the eldest. Can’t you act like it for fifteen minutes before doing something childish?”

“Well, excuse me for not being mister maturity!”

“It’s not about being mature! You think I am mature? Like hell, if I was mature, then I would’ve left this goddamned house years ago!” Karamatsu yelled without thinking, realizing what he said only when he saw his brother’s hurt expression. 

He sighed, scratching his head. “We are adults now, we have to grow up. We can’t still do this kind of thing, how we are going to trust each other and be a normal family when we keep doing this? And you.” 

Karamatsu looked at his younger brothers, crossing his arms over his chest. “Aren’t you a little too old for this? You don’t need Osomatsu to set an example, you are big enough to tell right from wrong. C’mon guys, you’ll never leave our parents’ house if you don’t get a hold of yourselves.”

That was one of his fears. If he left the house and then his brothers wanted to do the same, but they were not ready, what would they do? How would they survive the real world? Yuki had told him time and time again that his brothers would never be able to stand a chance if they didn’t change. They needed to grow up, they needed to get their shit together. He would not be able to leave if he wasn’t sure that his brothers would be able to live normal lives.

Or as normal as they could manage to say the least.  
But Osomatsu clenched his fists and got up, his anger showing in every inch of his body. Karamatsu braced himself, not wanting to get his own anger fired up because of Osomatsu.

“I’m tired of this shit! You are always saying that we have to change and grow up! What the heck, are you the new Fappymatsu already?”

“No.” Karamatsu kept his cool, repeating in his mind the mantra Dr. Hisoka taught him. “There is no merit in complaining all day and thinking you are better than the rest without doing some real work and I am doing real work. No offense, Choromatsu.”

But Choromatsu opened his mouth completely, looking at his brother with a mixture of anger and comprehension. He could not blame Karamatsu for thinking that about him, especially after years of scolding them and telling them to get a job and move out when he was unable to do any of that. He spent years pretending that he was better than the rest, acting like he wanted a job when he never really tried. He just wanted to be better than the rest, his big ego feeding on his brother's failures.

“Is that how you think about me, Karamatsu?”

Karamatsu frowned and bit his lip. He did not enjoy making his brothers feel bad, but a little part of him felt like it was his job to finally put them in their place.

Yes, you do. You enjoy it…. Who is Painfulmatsu now, huh? Who is Shittymatsu? Tell them things that break their souls, tell them everything you bottled up. Tell them.

“I have to admit… That sometimes I do. My doctor told me to be honest with you and tell you what I think, but I don’t mean to hurt you. Let’s… say we are even now, huh?”

“Even?”

“You have always told me what you thought about me, remember?”

Osomatsu groaned and got close, trying to be menacing,. But for the first time ever, Karamatsu was not scared of him or any of his brothers. He was not scared of being punched or yelled at. Well, he was a little scared deep inside of him, but Karamatsu knew now that being afraid was not going to help him. If he kept his ground no matter how scared he was, then he would be the winner.

“Again with that shit. Gosh, Karamatsu you are insufferable! Acting all good and proper… You do know that you used to do this with us, right? You also took Todomatsu’s prizes.”

“Yes and it was stupid. Look, I am not saying that I am a better person than all of you because I am not. I mean, I did gang up on my younger brothers, took their money, I even ridiculed Todomatsu in front of almost every girl in his work…”

“See?”

“But I regret it!” he exclaimed, puffing up his chest. “I regret it because that’s not what family is supposed to do, that’s not the kind of brother I want to be. I let you drag me around and ended up acting like you, Osomatsu. I let this… this hive mind thing you do make me act in a way that embarrasses me. I mean, what kind of asshole does those things?” Karamatsu shook his head and look at his brothers, determination shining in his eyes. 

“I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to change… I want to grow and become a good adult. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things” Karamatsu shifted his weight to one of his hips, looking at the side. He was thinking hard about how to explain everything in a way they could get it without feeling offended. “And I realized that I’ve done things that I would normally not do just because I wanted to feel like part of the gang. I let myself being dragged around, and I got lost. Now I am finding myself and when I look back to what I used to be, to the things we did…. I am ashamed. I don´t want to be like that anymore.”

Todomatsu sighed, remembering all the times that he and his brothers ruined things for one another like they were incapable of letting any of the others be happy out of jealousy. He had done that, and the rest did that to him.

“Yeah… We are kind of crappy.”

“We have established that already,” Osomatsu said, still not getting what was wrong with their way of doing things. He was not ashamed of anything… Besides the fact of ruining his brother's chances to get away, that is. “So? What’s the point?”

Karamatsu thanked his doctor in his mind for teaching him how to breathe in order not to be overwhelmed by anger.

Budha, God, Allah, you all better give me patience because if you give me the strength, I’ll strangle him.

“The point is to change, brother. How are we supposed to help each other if we keep being like this? We won’t be able to survive the real world when we leave our parents’ house.”

Though he was saying something true and sensible, Osomatsu felt it like it was a kick to his gut and the fact that his other brothers were nodding in agreement made it worse.

“Leave? You… Still, want to leave, Karamatsu?”

“You don’t?”

The completely astonished expression in his second brother told Osomatsu that he was for real. He really wanted to leave, despite all the changes they had already done. One by one, his brothers started to apologize to each other, and Karamatsu even apologized to Choromatsu for his words, but the third Matsuno brushed it off because it was actually the truth. Karamatsu made them all promise that they would not do that again and then lent some money to Ichimatsu and Osomatsu so they would not have the need to take anybody’s money again.  
Osomatsu sighed as he contemplated how his working brothers were now talking about getting an account in the bank to put their money all while Karamatsu made supper for the whole family. They were even helping him with some basic stuff while they talked.

The eldest felt his heart ache. The world was spinning around him, and the floor trembled under his feet. The house felt small, suffocating, and his stomach was so heavy that the smell of food made him sick, so he ended up going out and let his head rest against a tree on the backyard. Ears pumping, heart racing, things were going too fast for him.

Too damn fast.

\------------------------------------------------------- 

Karamatsu felt a weight in his chest. As soon as he opened his eyes, he found himself in a place completely dark. He could not move at all, but from where he was standing he could see the room that used to be filled with a dark substance. There were still spots with dark goo on them, but now he could see more of all the walls. One was red, one was purple, one was yellow, the floor was pink, but the roof and the lights were blue and glittery bubbles were everywhere, filled with different objects and stuff he cared about.

With his room in that condition, he could not understand why he was away from it and unable to move.

You idiot.

Karamatsu recognized that voice and stood still, watching how his other self appeared from the black ground, materializing in front of him. This time he was wearing his old perfect fashion from head to toes, including the glasses and the shiny tank top with his face on it. Karamatsu swallowed hard and looked at his chest, finding the blue rose still in it, a little bigger than he remembered.

Why don’t you hate them? Why don’t you scream and fight?

“What do you mean?”

Look at what they did to you. Look at it!

“I… I don’t hate…”

Lies.

“I don’t hate them!”

LIES!

“I… I am angry. Damn, I am so angry. I …. I want to punch them, I want to get back at them, I want revenge.”

Yes…

“But I won’t get anything from it! I can’t undo what they did, what’s the point of make their lives miserable now that we are getting along?”

The other Karamatsu started yelling and screeching, his shape shifting, distorting. He even scratched his face to the point that he hurt his skin, black lines forming on it while a gooey liquid came from them.

You enjoyed hurting Choromatsu’s feelings. Say it…

“No…”

Karamatsu felt his rib cage closing, making it hard to breathe. The air was getting thicker, his hands and feet hurt telling him that he was being held by something. When he looked at his sides, he could see his shadow brothers holding each of his limbs and his neck, stopping him from running away.

You are just a big, fat liar. You pretend to be good, you pretend that you are changing, but you haven’t changed at all.

Karamatsu shook his head, he did not want to hear it.

Useless, coward. Coward, coward, coward.

“Stop, please!”

Say it… Say it... SAY IT.

“I don’t want to hurt them!”

The shadows started to scream too, yelling at the top of their lungs for him to say it. The voices were filling his ears to the point that his head hurt and his tears felt like they were burning his face down.

They have to pay for what they did to me.

“No”

Stop being a coward. Remember what you felt…

He closed his eyes, wishing he could stop listening.

Remember Choromatsu.

No…

Remember!

“I…. I…”

Yes…

“It felt good. It felt good. Dammit, it felt good! I said it, it felt good!”

As soon as he yelled that, his shadow brothers disappeared. He could now feel his body and moved his wrists and feet just to make sure that he could. There was a numb pain in them, but it was nothing that he could not handle, so he took a second to relax and breath now that he did not have the weight of an elephant on his chest. Slowly, and still afraid, Karamatsu stood up and looked at his other self, taking a step back when his glasses and his face on his tank top disappeared at the same time that he started to walk towards him. His knees were shaking, his legs too weak to move, so he had to stand there until his shadow self came close enough to try and touch him, but the light from his blue rose kept him at bay.

Never lie again, start accepting the truth.

“W-what…? What are you saying? Why are you doing this to me?!”

Because I am Karamatsu. You have to tell the truth.

“I am Karamatsu! What the hell are you talking about?!”

Do it. Or else…

His face started to distort again, his smile becoming too wide and wicked to be human. Karamatsu saw his other self’s eyes melting, revealing two dark spots filled with darkness.

I’ll take you place for real this time.

He screamed when he woke up, his pajamas drenched in his sweat. He stayed in bed, feeling his heart hammering so hard against his ribcage that he could also feel it on the sides of his head. He could not move, still figuring out that he was alive or dead, in a dream or reality, everything mixing in his head with such a raw feeling of fright that he could not stop crying. He still felt scared, so scared that he was trembling like a baby in his bed. Breathing was difficult, and he just wanted to scream and hit everything around him, but luckily he could not move, or he would have done so.

“Karamatsu nii-san!”

Despite the rushed sound of steps going to him, the door sliding and the obvious sound of somebody getting close to him he was not able to move. The fear was too powerful, he did not want to turn around only to be greeted by a shadow or something without his eyes.

“Karamatsu niisan, are you okay? It’s… It’s me, Todomatsu.”

There was some rustle and, softly, even carefully, the sheets covering him were being moved. Daylight blurred his vision for a moment, and he incorporated in an instant, looking at his sides to try and remember where he was. That looked like his bedroom, the smell of cologne mixed with the sheets softener and the smell of grilled fish that came from downstairs.

“Karamatsu niisan” Slowly, Karamatsu turned around to look at his brother. He was there, normal as he remembered. He was worried, and he didn’t know what to do, how to help his brother in need. Karamatsu looked at Totty in the eye, and then a spark of reality allowed him to see the worry in his youngest eyes. Those eyes were real, filled with real emotions.

“Todomatsu..”

He started crying, throwing himself into his brother’s arms to cry his eyes out. He did not want to be seen like that, but he could not pretend to be strong when he was so frightened that he could not even get up. So Karamatsu gave up and let his young brother hold him against his chest in search of some comfort, and they stood there, hugging each other until Karamatsu was able to compose himself and be back into the real world.

“Thanks, Totty. Sorry for worrying you… I just… It was a terrible nightmare, I think.”

“It’s okay” Todomatsu shook his head and smiled, trying his best to be strong for his brother just as Karamatsu tried not to burden them with his problems. “It’s not a problem, I want to be there for you too, you know? Feeling better?”

“Kinda… I am all sweaty, can’t stop crying and I feel my whole body like it was an overcooked noodle, but I think I’ll manage” he was about to get up and get ready for breakfast when there was a sudden noise downstairs. Somebody was yelling and running up and down. “What is that?”

“Ah, that… Well, it seems that Ichimatsu had an important meeting in the cat shelter, he was not sure if they wanted to give him more responsibilities or something. He needs to be there in less than half an hour but he got up too late, and now he barely has enough time to change and eat.”

“Oh, poor little Ichimatsu. But why he didn’t put his alarm clock?”

“He did” Totty rolled his eyes, getting on his feet. “He just did not hear it.”

Karamatsu got up too, holding as subtly as he could from Totty’s shoulder. Slowly but surely they went downstairs to the dining room only to find the rest of the family in the kotatsu eating breakfast like they used to, except for Ichimatsu that was gulping down everything while he panicked and ran all over the room, yelling and hissing like a cat at the same time.

Totty and Kara looked at each other and went to the table, sat down and started to eat.

“Ichimatsu, why don’t you call and tell them what happened? They will surely understand and postpone the meeting.”

“You don’t understand!! This is big! I need to be there I can’t miss it!”

“Well no” Totty served himself some rice, grilled fish, bits of omelet and vegetable broth. He did the same for Karamatsu as his brother’s hands were still a little shaky and added pieces of meat to the rice, just to make him feel better. Osomatsu was laughing, though, serving tea to all of his brothers while Choromatsu tried his best to stop Ichimatsu and Jyuushimatsu just watched in silence. “We won’t understand if you don’t tell us.”

“I can’t!” Ichimatsu yelled back, pissed to the point that he had his cat ears and tail out with his claws. 

“And you don’t need to know either!”

“Ugh, fiiiiine. Here, have some tea, Karamatsu nii-san. Are you feeling better?”

The tea and the food helped him, he had to admit that. His stomach that was fighting just a few moments ago seemed to be at ease as soon as he drank some tea and the warmth of his breakfast went to the rest of his body, giving him some comfort.

“Yeah, I am. Thanks. Though… I am worried about Ichimatsu…” his brother was pacing right to left so fast that his footsteps were getting marked over the tatamis. “Will he be okay? This seems so important for him.”

Choro sighed deeply, giving up in his attempts to stop his young brother.

“Yeah… It’s a shame though, if he had woken up just a little earlier he could’ve asked dad to take him with the car.”

Osomatsu clicked his tongue one time after the other, drinking some tea.

“Yep, what a shame. Don’t worry though, Ichimatsu. You can always go to another shelter or go back with your friends in the alley.”

Ichimatsu glared his eldest so intently that if looks could kill, Osomatsu would have been six feet under. 

Even the rest swallowed, a little frightened of Ichimatsu’s crazy eyes before Jyuushimatsu got up and yelled.

“All right! Ichimatsu niisan, do you have everything you need?”

“W-what?”

“Do you have everything you need? Grab it, grab it, you can’t miss this”

Still not understanding, Ichimatsu did what he was told and grabbed his keys, his wallet, his Id and got dressed properly. He was wearing normal clothes, clean and ironed, he even wore perfume to Todomatsu’s surprise.

“Ohhhh, so that’s why he borrowed one of my fashion magazines. He’s dressing better.”  
They all nodded, looking at his brother to the point that they made him blush. Once he had everything he needed, Jyuushimatsu carried him over his shoulder and then started to run so fast that he left his footprints on the floor and the pavement outside. Astonished they all got up to go outside and watch but they barely reached the front door before Jyuushi was back again, covered in sweat.

“Yes, I got to the first base! Muscle-muscle, Hustle-hustle!”

Choromatsu looked at him up and down, taking out the leafs and dirt from Jyuushimatsu’s pajamas.

“You didn’t even change your clothes, Jyuushimatsu. You just can’t go out like that! What if one of your students saw you? You have to set an example and…. Ugh, never mind. Did you help Ichimatsu?”

“Yes, I did! He got there on time, and there was this good looking guy in fancy clothes waiting for him!!”

“What…? Oh, one of his co-workers, right?”

“Yes! He was really happy to see him! He said Ichimatsu was one of his best friends and then they were going to study after Ichimatsu’s interview.”

They all became silent for a moment, processing all that information.

“Ichimatsu had an interview?” mumbled Choromatsu, only to being pushed away by Osomatsu.

“Ichimatsu is going to study?!”

And then he was pushed away by Totty, who was completely out of his mind.

“Ichimatsu has a friend?!!”

But Jyuushimatsu just nodded and smiled like it was the most common thing in the world.

“Yeah! He actually gets along with almost all of his co-workers in the shelter, and I think he wanted to study something to save animals, but I can’t remember why. So if he is finally getting a job then getting there on time was really important, so I am glad I could help my niisan.”

Karamatsu sighed, watching as half of his brothers were losing their minds from the shock. He was also surprised too, but also happy. If Ichimatsu was able to make a friend, get along with the people at the shelter and was able to get a job, then that was a sign that not everything was lost. There was still hope for his brothers, he was convinced of that. But for now he had to congratulate Jyuushimatsu for his good deed and forget about all those fears concerning his brothers. So then, he petted Jyuushimatsu’s head proudly. 

“Good job, my little Jyuushimatsu! You helped your brother in need like a mighty warrior, no, a great angel of light that saved the day!” he exclaimed puffing his chest with pride. 

“But you have to go with your little students, eager to learn the secrets of baseball from the very best. Why don’t you go and take a shower, finish your breakfast and relax for a moment before heading to work?”

“Yeah!”

Just like that, Jyuushi went upstairs to have a shower but not before he was intercepted by his eldest brother in the middle of the stairs while the rest went back to eat.

“Jyuushimatsu” he did not answer but turned around to see him. Osomatsu smiled, scratching under his nose like he always did. “Karamatsu was right, you did a good job today too. You are such a good brother… Always helping them when they need it.”

“Of course. I will always, always help my brothers, Osomatsu niisan. Always. Even you.”

Jyuushimatsu looked at him with his most serious expression before turning again and go to the bathroom, leaving a dumbfounded Osomatsu in the stairs. He clenched his fists for a moment, trying to understand what Jyuushi said… But ended up disregarding it and went to the table with the rest.

After the meal, Karamatsu took a shower, dressed up with his hoodie and jeans and grabbed his guitar case. He was in the mood to go to the center of the city and play for money inside the nearest subway station. He went there every now and then, and some people actually got used to him to the point of giving him some extra yen if he played one of their favorites songs. He sat on the floor, leaving his case opened in front of him, and he was soon playing.

He was not in the mood for something romantic, but he was also not in the mood or anything too rushed or melodic. Not knowing what to play he decided to go with one of his favorites songs from one of his favorite classical musicians: Dolmen Music from Meredith Monk. 

He thought that the song was completely underrated despite how beautiful it was, so he did his best to learn how to play it. Maybe if he played it long enough, people would start to listen to the original song or at least, that’s what he hoped.

Karamatsu believed that those musicians were still alive in their creations and that by playing them and making people hearing them all over again a part of them came back to life somehow. It was a childish thing to believe, but it made him feel better thinking that he was helping a bit even with his terrible guitar interpretations of incredible classics.

His guitar case already had some money, when somebody stood up in front of him.

“Hey, kid, where did you learn to do that?”

Even though he was surely not a kid, Karamatsu kept playing and looked up to the guy that spoke to him, his fingers still moving. A tall man was looking straight at him from behind a pair of square eyeglasses with a thick, black frame; he was wearing a nice suit that fit him perfectly and made him look like a business man. 

Karamatsu looked astonished at the suit, wondering how much it cost, admiring the beautiful Prussian blue and the purple stripes from the man’s black tie. The guy had a relaxed posture, he seemed to be in his mid-thirties and had some soft wrinkles here and there, but nothing too excessive. He was caressing his padlock beard while smiling like he was seeing something truly interesting. 

Karamatsu could tell that even if the guy had a normal face (small nose, pronounced cheekbones, round face and his hair, short and black, combed backwards) there was something in his attitude, his smile and the whole image he gave that was rather attractive.

Even he felt like blushing after being under the scrutiny of those intense black eyes.

“Huh… I…. Ehm…”

Karamatsu wanted to punch himself for being unable to say a thing, feeling like an idiot. The man just laughed a little bit, shifting his weight from one hip to the other.

“What’s wrong, kid? Cat got your tongue?”

“N-no!” He finally stopped moving his fingers and coughed, trying to regain composure. “I mean… I taught myself.” 

Now that he was able to speak properly, he resumed playing again at the same time he chatted with another curious admirer. He had a lot of those, always asking him where was he studying or wanting to know the names of the songs. 

“I’ve always loved art and music, but lately I’ve been investing a lot of my time into my techniques and compositions, been listening to all kinds of styles. A friend of mine introduced me to classical music and I just… I just had to learn. It’s not easy to explain…”

“Well, you can try, right?”

The guy had a soothing voice, deep but also cheerful. He took a lollipop from his pocket and put it into his mouth with no shame whatsoever, looking at Karamatsu, waiting for his reply.

“Well… When I am playing or writing a song, it feels like my hands are moving by themselves. My mind is at full speed, and sometimes my hands can’t keep up, but they do somehow; there’s this feeling of urgency and joy. And electricity… Yeah” he said, closing his eyes for a bit while the sound of his guitar was feeling his ears, his fingers feeling the pleasurable wave of electricity that ran through his body every time he played or sang. 

He could not stop, it was stronger than him. “And classical music makes me feel like I am floating, being able to play the songs of great geniuses it’s… It’s overwhelming in a way but in a good way. I won’t be able to make pieces like this, but if I can make people feel just a tiny amount of the joy and pleasure that their music gives them with my own work, then I am happy.”

He was not sure why but Karamatsu felt a little embarrassed by his own words, even though he really felt them. 

That’s why he wanted to be into the music industry, that’s why he wanted to get a steady income so he could write and compose the songs that he wanted; it would also be the best way for him to be remembered even if he wasn’t able to create a masterpiece like the old time geniuses he admired.

But my songs will be proof that I am alive. That I was here.

The man played with his lollipop in his mouth for a moment before taking it out and smiling again.

“That’s the best answer you could’ve given me, kid. I’ve seen you here and there, always in a different subway station and I can tell that you are not some idiot who wants to make it big and be a rock star.” 

He sucked on his lollipop a bit, while he took out his wallet and searched for something. “So, are you doing something about it?”

“Hum, well...” Karamatsu scratched his cheek in embarrassment, but he was happy that he was being praised even if it was coming from a stranger. “I am looking for a good music mentor and I have been trying to improve my skills and expand my horizons by listening to foreign music, but it’s all I can do for now. I am also working as a performer in a club, and I wanted to teach, but I don’t think I have what it takes to be a music teacher.” 

A teacher needed a lot of theory knowledge that he lacked as he learned by himself and he was unable to read music sheets. “But as soon as I make a plan with the aid of a mentor I’m on it. I’ll search for a good place to study and buy better instruments ASAP!”

“You are an eager one, that’s a good thing” the guy in a suit nodded and gave him a pair of bills with a card. “The name’s Koromaru Chitose, kiddo. Follow my advice and go to the address on that card, that’s the best place you can go to learn everything you need to know about music.”

“Wait, what?”

“Next Monday you can register to have an interview. Some of the teachers will test your abilities, and if they like what they see, then you can receive a full scholarship for your studies. You have three months to prepare, so you better work hard because I am not going to make it easy for you just because you like classical music.”

“Huh…”

“See ya in three months, kid!”

Just like that, the guy went away. Karamatsu blinked two or three times, perplexed to the very core before looking at what the man gave to him and gasped. He now had two hundred dollars in his hands. Dollars, not yen. He had never seen a dollar before, so Karamatsu was completely lost in thought before he realized that it was too much and tried to look for the guy with his eyes, only to be unable to find him. 

Koromaru Chitose disappeared with the crowd. 

“What an odd character…”

He saved the money in his pocket and looked at the card. It was a shiny white card with the letters carved on it instead of printed, the guy’s name was written in cursive using the English alphabet instead of Japanese, and then there was a lot of information decorated with images of cherry blossoms.

“Koromaru Chitose… Musician, musical mentor and Chief Professor of Science of Sound of SRTW College…” Karamatsu read out loud, still in shock, but his surprise increased when he saw the magical word. “College? College?! You can go to college to learn music?!”

College. He had never thought about it before, but going to college could be a breaking point for him. Karamatsu remembered the time when he actually wanted to go when he was younger though he could not remember what he wanted to study back then, but the idea of even studying for the admission exams was pulverized in front of his eyes as soon as he even mentioned it. Karamatsu got used to the idea of never going to college, and now, after all those years, he was being blessed with the chance of finally going to college. He could be the first in his family to be on campus, to get a real diploma, he could meet tons of people and finally be able to break his link from the hive mind that was his family.   
With a diploma, he could have a chance to get even better gigs and expand his mind to another level.

I could have study sessions with Yu, we would be on the same page.

He was so excited that his hands were shaking. The floor felt like it was made of water under his feet, uneven, constantly changing while he grabbed his stuff and definitely left the subway. He wanted to jump, to scream, he wanted to do so many things at the time that his brain was too close to suffer a shutdown.

Then, he began to hear voices and remember.

You? To college? Don’t make me laugh, Karamatsu. What are you good for?

“I…”

You are just trying to make us look bad, stop it already.

Hah! You heard this guy? C’mon, what are you gonna do? I think it’s too difficult for you, the guy who couldn’t get his first lead role without his brother's help.

“No. No, no, no!”

In order to stop the voices, he did the only thing he knew that would shut them up even if that meant being yelled at by a real person for a few hours. He took his phone and called Yuki while walking up the street at full speed, searching for the bus stop that would take him close to home.

“Please answer, please, please, plea… Yuki!” His eyes gleamed at the sound of her voice at the other side of the phone, the voices hissing, fading slowly. 

“I am terribly sorry for calling you in such a dire time, but I really need to talk to you. Are you free now? Just a second?”

There were some voices and rustling, but then Yu cleared her throat and answered back.

“Yeah, don’t worry. I finished with my stuff at school, and now I am doing some finishing touches to some looks while helping…. What? No, no… Oh gosh, you have never seen a bra, damn it? It’s not that difficult!” 

There was more sound and a little yelling and bickering, but Yuki came back. “Sorry about that, somebody was having trouble keeping the girls in place. Anyway, yeah, what do you need?”

Karamatsu sighed deeply.

“I… I think I have a chance to enter a College to study music.”

“Oh my god, that’s awesome! You have to tell me everything as soon as you get home.”

“Yes, but… What if I am not good enough. What if I’m not ready? I could screw everything up and….”

“Karamatsu.”

The urgent tone of her voice made him stop in his tracks, as there was some seriousness in it. He was now feeling like an idiot for wasting Yu’s time on his petty insecurities, but he could hear the voices yelling at him so clear and loud that he had nowhere to escape.

“Haven’t I told you that life is too short for that bullshit? You can do it, I believe in you. And if you can’t, then at least you tried and will not end up wondering ‘what if…’ thirty years later while doing something you hate only to be able to survive. You can always try again.”

“Try again….?” He felt his own voice soundless, breathless as if her words were surrounding him and forming some kind of force field that kept the other sounds away.

“Yeah, like my grandpa always says: If you fall six times, lift up seven! Wait, maybe that’s not good, you’ll probably won’t understand how Italian sayings works….”

“No, no… I actually get it. I can always keep trying. Yeah…. Yeah” Karamatsu closed his eyes, finally unable to hear the shrieking noises of those damned shadows. Even the sound of the city was a little bit muffled now that his heart was at peace. “You are right, sorry about that. Lately, I’ve been panicking about everything.”

“It’s okay, that’s what friends are for. When are you coming back home? We could talk about it over some coffee and pie.”

Karamatsu kept walking, feeling lighter and in peace. There were only a few blocks from his bus  
stop, so he was taking his time now that he was not running away from those hellish voices.

“Thanks for the offer, Yu. But I am actually going to my house now, I want to relax a bit and maybe talk with my family about it.”

“That’s what I said, when do you come back home?”

“What?”

Karamatsu’s perplexed voice seemed to make her laugh as she kept giggling and snickering for a few minutes. Karamatsu was already at the bus stop when she finally spoke again.

“I am actually at your house, Karamatsu.”

“What?! How?!”

“I… Walked to get here?” Karamatsu made an irritated sound, causing her to laugh again. “Okay, okay, I came here as soon as I finished my stuff.”

“Why?”

“You’ll find out when you come back. Welp, gotta go sweetie. I’ll be waiting for you!”

Karamatsu hung up feeling extremely confused, trying to figure out why she was at his house when Yu just had told him that she was helping somebody with a bra… All that made him believe that she was still at school with her models or helping one of her girlfriends. Karamatsu decided not to think too much about it because he would find out as soon as he got home, so when the bus came and was able to sit down he texted his brothers telling them that he had amazing news and asking them if they could come home in case they were free so he could share with everybody. They all answered quickly saying that they would be home in a pinch to hear the big news, except Choromatsu who never answered.

Maybe he is in one of those Nyaa-chan concerts…  
Shrugging it off, Karamatsu searched for his mp3 player and let M.C Hammer give some life to his travel back home, turning it off as soon as he was at his house entrance with the rest of his brothers just getting there. They all laughed, greeted each other and went into the house straight to the tatami room to drink some tea with Yuki but as soon as they opened the door they found Choromatsu dressed in the same wig that Totty had lent to him almost a month ago, when they went to Alterna for the first time, and wearing a Lolita dress.

But this time it looked better. The dress fit him nicely right in the waist down to the hips, the upper part was a long sleeved blouse in his signature green colour but darker, with a big ribbon on top of the chest; the skirt got away from the body in a lovely semi-pleated bell decorated with ruffles, Choromatsu was even wearing striped stockings and black wedges. He had breasts, and his makeup was incredible: lipstick, grayish Smokey-eye, fake eyelashes, contour and everything a girl could’ve put on her face to look prettier. The five brothers stood there, completely silent while Choromatsu turned around, his face turning a rainbow as soon as he realized that his brothers were home.

None of them said a word, they just stared at him in silence while Choromatsu covered himself with both of his hands.

“I swear to God this is not what it looks like! Please!”

Totty tilted his head.

“It looks like you are dressed as a girl. I don’t mind, but it surprises me” to Choromatsu’s horror, Totty immediately started to take pictures of him.

“No! Well, yes, I am but… I-it’s not like that! And why the fuck are you taking pictures, stop! Y-you were not supposed to be back this soon.”

Karamatsu, still in shock, took out his own cellphone.

“I sent a message and asked everybody to come home because I had big news… But nothing will surpass this.”

“Please, it’s not…!”

Choromatsu started to panic, stuttering and trembling like he was about to cry when a sudden noise caught everybody’s attention. Yuki was there with the biggest suitcase the sextuplets have ever seen. She was carrying it with a little effort, it seemed, as the little wheels it has got stuck in the tatami.

“Damned thing! it’s so heavy…” she turned around “Oh, hey guys! How are you? Welcome home! I made pie” they all stayed in silence, looking at Yu while she was trying to drag her enormous suitcase. She was wearing black stockings, dark short shorts with stamped flowers and a pastel lilac sweatshirt with some words on it. Totty started taking pictures to her almost immediately.

“Gosh, her legs are amazing…”

Osomatsu nodded until Karamatsu hit them hard in the head.

“Yu, you are here! Looking adorable as always” he became silent, looking at his brother and his friend “What’s…. Going on?”

“Oh yeah, sorry about this. I needed some help with a dress and Choromatsu had exactly the kind of body I needed…” She was finally able to drag the damned thing and left it as close to the door as she could, all while the Matsus came out of their stupor and went to sit surrounding the kotatsu. 

“I also had to practice the combination of colors and textures, so I had to do a full make over. It was all too sudden, one of my models did not come, and it was a mess.” 

She made a gesture with her hand, leaving the suitcase and sitting down with the rest, massaging her shoulders. “That was heavy… I mean, I was already in trouble with the whole thing, but I was lucky that my teacher decided to have a second showroom; it gave me the chance to improve this look, but my model disappeared.”

“How does Choromatsu fits in all this?” Osomatsu asked, still looking at Choromatsu who was avoiding their gaze at all costs. He could not believe how easy it was for Yuki to lie but he couldn’t be more thankful. If their brothers knew that he asked her to come to his house after school to make him look like a pretty lady his life was over.

“I found him on the way here, talked about it, and then he lost a bet, so he had to help me.”

They all looked at each other and nodded because Choromatsu opening his mouth, losing a bet and ending up with some kind of penalty was actually too real for them.

“Well, that makes sense… But really, niisan, you surprised us!” Totty said, still taking pictures of his older brother.

Choromatsu sat down, fidgeting. He was so glad they believed Yuki’s lies… Or half-lies, because they did meet while she was coming home and he did lose a bet, but he was only learning how to step up his game for his job and she was teaching him. His brothers coming home so early was not expected but at least his secret was safe. Though he could not help but admire how easy it was for Yuki to cover up for him with those “white lies” of hers. Somehow, though, he managed to mumble something back to his brother.

“Hum… Yeah?”

“It looks good on you! Almost makes me jealous” he giggled, trying his best to look cute in Yu’s eyes. Whether he wanted to flirt with her or not was not the point, she was a cute girl and he was a man, and he could not help it. Also, Totty believed that he could get lucky and maybe Yu would introduce him to some of her friends if he played his cards right. 

“For a second I thought you were actually a girl… It almost looks like you have a different face, even.”

“Really?”

Ichimatsu tilted his head.

“Yeah, now that you mention it… You do look different from us. Is this some kind of magic?”

Yu just laughed.

“No, guys. It’s makeup! Concealer, contour, blushing, eye shadows, fake eyelashes, all that stuff. With makeup and a different attitude, you can make a person’s face change in thousands of ways. I could make you all look different.”

Jyuushimatsu’s eyes sparkled so much that Karamatsu and the rest had to hold back a laugh.

“Really?! You could?!” 

Yuki nodded. 

“You could also give us boobies like the ones Choromatsu niisan has?”

Choromatsu choked on his own spit while his brothers turned in a second to look at his chest. They probably hadn’t noticed before, or maybe they did, but now that Jyuushi mentioned his boobs they had to look at them again.

Osomatsu was piercing them with his eyes, he even got close for a better look. He got closer, closer and closer to the point that he was practically two centimeters from Choro’s chest. He was silent, and Choro was stiff like a statue until his eldest lifted his hand in a swift movement and squished one of his breasts.

Choromatsu hit him so hard that his head passed through the floor.

“Karamatsu, you are the oldest now.” He hissed, a dark aura flowing from him and the rest cowered in fear, though Karamatsu only nodded and took out a rose from one of his pockets, leaving it next to his ex-eldest brother’s improvised grave.

“Of course, I’ll do my best. I’ll take the torch that my eldest brother left and guide this family to glory.”

“Well said.”

Osomatsu wiggled and made muffled sound in an attempt to be rescued, but almost everybody ignored him. Yu tried her best not to smile, but the corners of her lips were twitching.

“W-well, with that set… Yes, Jyuushi, if you want I can. I needed to see how the dress looked and one of the main areas that always worry the ladies are the chest beside the waist and the arms, so Choro here took one for the team and let me put him a nice pair of boobies. They are heavier than they seemed like, right Choromatsu?” The green Matsuno blushed, looking away. 

“Now you know how it feels having meat bags clinging from your chest. Just wait until you start feeling the pain of the bra.”

Osomatsu tried to get his head out from the floor, but he was ignored by Yuki’s words because they all started to scream “Eeh?” at the same time, looking back and forth between their foreign friend and their cross-dressing twin who was blushing even more fiercely than before.

“W-what?!” He yelled, crossing his arms over his chest. “They won’t stay in their place without a bra, and she made me use it!”

“A girl made you use a bra, Chororin?” Totty laughed again, only to eat his own words when he noticed the way Yu was frowning, her eyes breaking his soul. “Somehow I have the feeling he’s not lying.”

“I want boobies too!” Jyuushi was jumping while sitting, excited at the idea of having boobs and looking cute. “I want to be pretty too, Yu-chan. Can you make me pretty?”

“Pfft” she waved her hand. “Of course I can. I can transform any of you in the loveliest lady ever.”

Jyuushi started jumping around the room repeating the word “boobies” like a chant, but the rest just looked at each other. It wasn’t something they had ever done before because they used costumes a lot of times and they have also cross-dressed, but never at that level. Choromatsu looked really pretty, and they all were actually surprised at how much his features changed with makeup. They were thinking, pondering the possibility of actually accepting the challenge for fun and see if they could actually become pretty girls themselves when their eldest brother finally freed himself from his underground head-prison.

“Guys! Are you really thinking what I am thinking you are thinking?” But since he was ‘dead,' none of the youngsters paid him any mind. “Guys? Guuuys, don’t ignore me.”

Karamatsu closed his eyes for a moment, pretending to be in deep thought. This thing of ignoring Osomatsu just to make fun of him was actually quite exhilarating; he even needed a moment to maintain his posture before actually speaking in order to not spoil his acting.

“I used to have an older brother… But now it’s gone”

“Guys!”

“Sometimes I still hear his voice.”

The rest joined and closed their eyes and prayed while Yu snorted, putting both of her hands over her mouth in a lousy attempt to not burst out in laughter.

“Aaaamen”

“Oh, c’mon!”

And that was it, Yu ended up laughing hysterically, hugging her ribs and everything with five of the sextuplets who were now pinching and hitting their eldest lightly just to let him know that they were just joking. Of course, Osomatsu had a tantrum because he was too childish to accept that the youngsters had made fun of him, he even rolled on the floor, crying and complaining while the rest just looked at him, shook their heads and sighed in defeat before turning their attention back to Yuki.

“So, Yuki-chan” Totty made his cutest giggle trying to impress her at the time he was putting both of his fists under his chin like they were cat paws, convinced that that kind of tactics that helped him with other girls would work with her. “Don’t you think I would be the cutest lady of all of us?”

“What? No”

Totty gaped, unable to process the fact that somebody believed that he was not cute or could not be cuter than his brothers. Colors left his face as his heart crashed in thousands of pieces, his brothers snickering under their breath at Yuki’s quick response.

“W-whyyyy? I-it’s obvious I am the cutest….”

Yu scratched the back of her head and started playing with some of her now blue-colored bangs, probably searching the best way to answer without hurting his feelings too much.

“To be honest, I believe that Jyuushimatsu would look better than you. And Karamatsu too, he has some good points. And with some work, Ichimatsu could look even younger.”

Todomatsu immediately screamed in rage, assuring her that he would look prettier than all of his brothers, he even got to the point of getting up and grabbing Yu’s suitcase.

“You have all your stuff here, right? This is what you used to change Choromatsu, isn’t it?”

“Well yes, I had to take some stuff to school and then come here because there was not enough space to keep them at our schools’ Atelier… What’s your point?”

“The point is I want you to change me! C’mon, dress me like you did with Choromatsu.”

“If my dear Yuki is going to give you a makeover, then I want one too.” Karamatsu crossed his arms over his chest, smiling smugly while twinking to his friend. Yu just smiled, shaking her head one side to the other. “I’m sure that our beloved goddess of fashion can transform us into lovely, shining stars.”

“Well, I certainly can.”

Jyuushimatsu jumped of happiness, hugging Ichimatsu so tight that he ended up jumping against his will too.

“Yes, I want to be a pretty lady! And you, Ichimatsu?”  
Ichimatsu blushed fiercely before turning his head to the other said.

“I… I don’t mind” he actually wanted to try it, it wasn’t like they had never used weird clothes before. “It’s just harmless fun, though I doubt that it’s even worth it trying to me.”

Yuki’s eyes gleamed, and she immediately got up, searching for clothes, wigs, and makeup in her suitcase. The guys stared in a mixture of fear, surprise and even a little bit of respect when they saw all the things that Yuki would have to use to change them; as they have never realized that ladies could use so many things on their faces and look natural somehow.

“Wow…” Even Totty was a little overwhelmed. 

“People do use a lot of this stuff, huh? Sometimes it’s hard to tell.”

“That’s what happens when you practice,” Yu said, opening her enormous makeup case and a pencil case filled with brushed of different sized. “Honestly I knew nothing about this; it was Mikuru-nee who taught me. She is like, a total expert… Nowadays she uses a more mature and softer makeup, but when I met her she was in a ‘punk phase, ’ and there was a lot of black, violet, red… She looked sexy but dangerous. Like she would rip your arm off or something.” 

Yuki put a box with different kinds of eyelashes next to the pencil case and started preparing everybody’s clothes. “That’s why everybody called her ‘Queen,' she gave the air of an empress. And when she gets mad, ufff… She can break your soul only with her menacing eyes. I saw her angry just one time, and I assure you, it’s scary as hell.”

Osomatsu scratched under his nose, trying to imagine a lady like that. He could only think of tall women with a stern look, hard features and big boobs with a whip in her hands.

“Wow… Hot and scary at the same time, totally my type of girl.”

“Pfft, don’t even dream of it. She’s waaaaay outta your league. And she’s taken already.”

“Aaah?” Osomatsu put his elbows on the table, looking at Yuki who looked focused on separating different kinds of clothes. Osomatsu arched his brows after noticing something that looked like a maid uniform. 

“Are you saying that I can’t charm her with my incredible charisma? I’m sure I could take her from under any prissy boyfriend she has.”

“Well… Probably. She does like bad boys” Yu said, finishing with the clothes, now leaving a different wig over every set of clothes. “But you try that, and you might end up in a river with rocks tied to your feet, her ‘prissy’ boyfriend does not take shit from anybody.”

“Pffft! As if! It’s not like some random dude will scare me. I mean, you talk about him like he is some mafia boss or something like that.”

“Well….” Yuki rolled her eyes, and Osomatsu widened his.

“You are joking.”

“You did not hear it from me, okay? You know nothing. Now… Who’s first?”

Osomatsu was still in shock to the point that he did not react when Jyuushimatsu pushed him away to crawl at full speed and sit in front of Yuki, yelling at her and begging her to begin with him. Yuki shook her head and started, explaining what she was doing at the same time that she applied a different product on Jyuushi’s face. Of course she had to hit him a few times because he could not stay still and Yu was kind of a perfectionist, stressing because the eyebrows or the blushing were not “on point”; one by one, she put some makeup on each of them using lighter colours on some and stronger colours on others, depending on which kind of outfit they would use. Then she made them dress, helping them to fix the clothes so they would fit properly and put the wigs in their place, making sure that the sextuplets did not ruin their makeup. They all laughed during the whole process, having fun despite some of Yuki’s barks to the point that sometimes they tried to make her angry on purpose only to hear her curse in mixed languages.

When she was finally done Jyuushimatsu was wearing a cute orange bubble skirt with black stockings and a black shirt, in addition to a curly, pompous blonde wig. 

Karamatsu, on the other hand, had a blue, short wig and a tight dress with belt that had an extremely big ribbon on the back plus jewels and velvet gloves that almost reached his shoulders because he wanted to be “pretty, shiny and astonishing”. 

Totty was wearing a light makeup and a summer outfit composed of a skirt, a cute shirt, and a coat; his wig matched with his real hair and it had “beach waves” which made him happy because that was the newest trend according to all of his fashion magazines; all the while Ichimatsu was wearing a black maid outfit with cat ears and tail, white stockings, a beautiful but messy violet wig, and Osomatsu… 

Osomatsu refused to use any makeup, wig or anything. He was just wearing a simple high-school girl uniform with his boxers under it.

They all flaunted their new appearance, making poses and taking pictures with each other. By the time they were finished comparing how different they all looked for each other with all that concealer and wigs, Ichimatsu’s eyes still shining whenever he saw his reflection in the mirror because he was unable to believe that some unburnable trash could look so pretty. In the end, they decided to drink some tea and look at all the pictures, still in their new clothes.

“Yuki! You brought pie?” Jyuushimatsu bounced a little bit, laughing when his breasts did. He was the only one besides Choromatsu who was wearing a pair of those and was extremely happy with it. He was also happy that Yuki came to visit with a Tupperware filled with pie slices that she seemed to have brought from her home or school. He was not actually sure but that was not going to stop him from enjoying a rich apple pie.

“Yes, I made this one yesterday to share with my classmates but ended up being too big, so I decided to save some slices for my favorite sextuplets. I wanted to come here and visit you, whether Choromatsu lost that bet or not.”

“I see! But that’s great; Karamatsu said he had something to tell us so good news with tea and pie are the perfect match. A full home-run!”

Karamatsu shook his head a little, understanding why she had offered to bring him something sweet as soon as he told her the good news. She was already at their home, and she was carrying something nice for them from the very beginning. He was wondering if she was some kind of psychic but, then again, she was just probably just following her family’s tradition of going to a friend’s house with something baked.

“Our Yuki is amazing, isn’t it brothers?” Karamatsu drank some tea, making sure that his lipstick was not smeared. “But I do have some news. I was playing the guitar near the subway, and this weird man came to me, asking me questions about my music and how I learned to play. The thing is that he seems to be from some art school and wants me to go there!” 

He was unable to hide his excitement despite being so worried not too long ago. “They are going to do auditions, and if I pass them, then I can get a full scholarship. A full scholarship! I could study music for free, I could use a different kind of guitar, I could learn so much… Maybe I could even form a band!”

“That’s awesome, Karaboy!” Yuki gave him a slice of pie. “My college is going to do tons of auditions too! Luckily I don’t have to be in any of them… But I do have to be at the festival that comes right after the auditions… But who cares? This is a great opportunity for you!”

“Oh-em-gee, that’s amazing Karamatsu nii-san!” Totty was already twitting about it on his cell phone.” This is going to increase the number of fans you already have!”

“I don’t have that many fans, Todomatsu. But thanks anyway… Even though they are few, the warming love of my Karamatsu darlings is enough to give me wings.”

“You do have fans,” Totty said, nose glued to his phone. “On the internet at least.”

“Eh…?”

Totty then realized that he had not told them about the videos he had and made a cute sound while showing his phone.

“I had a few videos of you singing, so I thought it would be nice that more people enjoyed them aaaaaand now you have your own youtube channel. And Instagram. And Twitter. And also a fan-page. I forgot to tell you, sooorryyy!”

Choromatsu slammed his hand on the table.

“Totty! You can’t just go around doing that kind of stuff. Why if this guy stumbled upon your videos and now wants to take advantage of our brother?”

“B-but people seem really happy. They are always writing stuff about how niisan’s songs make them feel better or things like that. Here, you can read it.”

Karamatsu took his youngest brother’s phone, reading through the comments with Choromatsu at his side. People were writing about how much they loved his voice, his duets with Yuki, there were even comments on one video taken in Alterna saying how much they loved his songs because they made them feel that the world was not as shitty as they believed it was. Karamatsu’s chest was warming up thinking about all those hearts that were being moved by his music.

“Choromatsu, don’t be a party pooper” Osomatsu took a big bite of pie, chewing it loudly. “I mean, c’mon! Our brother came home with great news, we have to celebrate!”

“But… How do we know who this guy is?” Ichimatsu mumbled, now scooting over to watch over Choromatsu’s shoulder. “He could be lying.”

“W-well…” Karamatsu then remembered something and passed Totty's phone to Choro in a whim, almost dropping it on the floor. He ignored Totty's scream of fear while he searched in all of his pockets until he found the card that the man had given him a while ago.

“Here! See? Here it says: ‘Musical mentor and chief professor of the science of sound of SRTW College.' Does… Does this sound fake?”

But before he could even finish that sentence, Yuki was choking on her tea. Choromatsu quickly gave her a glass of water, while Jyuushi patted her back.

“You okay there, Yuki?” Jyuushi patted a little bit stronger when she finally calmed down, still having a hard time to breathing.

“Y-yeah, it’s just… It was so sudden. Please, tell me if I am mistaken…” she turned to Karamatsu, with an expression that was a mixture of confusion and surprise. “Did you just say SRTW??”

Karamatsu tilted his head, unable to comprehend.

“Yes…?”

“That… That’s my freaking college!” She was yelling now moving her hands almost exaggeratedly as she spoke. “I can’t believe it! SRTW is a nickname for Sekirotawa! And… And… And it has one of the most extensive and complete programs for musical studies! Like Science of sound, composition, classical, different kinds of instruments, anthropology of music, opera, history and analysis, it has scholarships, and you can also learn in three different languages! I mean, that’s actually something common in our college.”

“Really?!” Osomatsu yelled on top of her voice at the same time that he hit the table with his hands, as his brothers were completely speechless, unable to even move. Even Karamatsu was still like a statue due to shock.

“Yeah, I have some of my classes in Italian. If I had every class and subject on Japanese, they would’ve kicked me out already.”

“No, not that! The part of being the same college than you.”

“Well, yes? I mean, that’s what it seems. What’s the name of this guy? Maybe he is one of the teachers I know! The music department is actually pretty close to the design department, so we share a lot of space together.”

Karamatsu had a hard time to snap out of it, but when he did, he shook his head and looked at the card again. The idea of studying with Yuki or, at least, in the same place than her was thrilled. They could spend more time together, maybe even have lunches at the cafeteria, meet her classmates, he could even escort her back home safely. That would be some quality time that he would not have to share with the rest of his family, just like before he introduced his best friend to his crazy brothers. Karamatsu could barely contain his emotions as he read the card.

“Koromaru Chitose…” And Yuki was screaming again.

“Amazing! Karamatsu you caught that dude’s attention?! He is one of the most respected teachers at our music department! He is like… Like… a celebrity or something, despite being so young compared to the rest of the teachers.”

“R-really? But why would a guy like that want me to audition for a scholarship in Sekirotawa?” 

Karamatsu felt a slap on the back of his head that was so strong that he almost hit his own forehead with the table. He turned in rage to his left.

Osomatsu was there with his hand still in the air. 

“The hell, Osomatsu?!”

“Dude, don’t say that. You are good, okay? And if this special teacher of freaklandia thinks you are good enough for his college of weirdos, then you are.”

“He is right, Karamatsu” Yuki intervened, resting her elbows on the table and her head on her hands. “He is known for choosing new talents. Almost every kid that is chosen for him ends ups having an excellent career or something like that. At least that’s how the legend goes in our school. He has an eye for talent, that’s why he is one of the most important teachers.”

“An eye for talent…”

An eye for talent? For me?

Still in shock, Karamatsu looked at the card. There was an important person out there that believed he had what was necessary to fit in a prestigious college, but even that stopped being important when, from the deeps of his mind, the whispers came back. Whispers telling him that he was going to fail, that he was not good enough, that he was just a painful idiot that would be ignored by everybody. 

He looked up, convinced that despite everything Yuki told him it would be best to just quit when he saw his brothers talking to each other, excited.

“Mom is going to be so proud when we tell her! Wait, wait, I have to tweet it.” Totty was not wasting any time, tweeting and writing about it. “No, better yet, I have to write it over Karamatsu’s fan page and…”

“Totty! I told you should not do that! Geez, you are acting like a selfish kid.”

“You are just saying that because you are jealous, Choromatsu nii-san.”

“O-of course I am not… M-maybe a little. But just a little, okay? I… Am happy for you, Karamatsu.”

“Karamatsu nii-san’s music is going to hit first base in a round. Are you going to sing the ‘Sextuplets Blues,' right? Right? Ichimatsu nii-san, have you heard the ‘Sextuplet’s Blues’?”

Ichimatsu moved around, playing with a strand of his new fake hair.

“N-no… But I like the song he sang that time in Alterna. About love and cherry blossoms…”

Karamatsu could barely believe it. His brothers were actually happy for him, making plans, supporting him. He could feel a little pain in his chest that became bigger and bigger, he could also hear those damned whispers but at the same time he was also hearing his brothers, his best friend, he could see them smiling and being happy for him. 

Karamatsu was crushing the card between his fingers before he could feel a little nudge against his shoulder.

“Hey.”

Osomatsu was talking to him. Karamatsu turned, looked at him with his chest filled with questions and saw his eldest smiling at him as widely as he was capable.

“I knew you had it in you, Blue.”

And that was it. The whispers went away in what felt like a gale that surrounded him, passed through him, swirled all over the house and left to the front door. Like a jar being broken, Karamatsu felt his whole chest splitting wide open and his body trembling, tears coming down from his eyes before he could even say anything. The rest of the family gasped, looking at him in worry. As his younger brothers started yelling and asking the eldest what he did to make him cry, Karamatsu kept bursting his eyes open.

“For fuck's sake, I didn’t say anything bad to him!”

“Osomatsu, would you please stop lying?”

“I’m not lying Chorofapinsky!”

As those two started arguing, Jyuushimatsu resorted to hugging Karamatsu with all his heart, while Yuki was petting his head and the rest were trying to figure out what was happening.

“Karamatsu” between the tears he was able to hear the voice of his friend. “Are you sad?”

Crying, sobbing and with his throat closed to the point he could not talk he ended up negating with his head, using all his strength to try and stop crying but, sadly, with no effect.

“Then are you happy?”

That was Jyuushimatsu. Choro and Oso stopped nagging to each other, finally, but even with that Karamatsu was unable to stop his incessant crying.

“Are you…” Ichimatsu fidgeted, getting closer to him. He wished he had his cat with him, but the ESP-Kitty was somewhere outside. And Suzu, who was sleeping on the sofa in their room did not have special psychic powers, so it was his time to try and guess what was happening with his brother. “Are you happy then?” 

When Karamatsu nodded, still crying, Ichimatsu felt an urge to punch him because he could not understand why he was crying and being happy at the same time. “Then what the heck is your problem, Shittymatsu!?”

“Ichimatsu, we don’t use that…. Nickname, anymore!” Totty yelled at him, but Karamatsu just waved his hands.

He did his best to get better. Karamatsu could not stop crying, and now his makeup was smeared, and his gloves were stained with rimmel and eyeliner, but somehow he was able to open his mouth and say the first thing he was capable of creating in his sorry state.

“I…. I’m so happy… That you are happy for me… Y-you think I can do it… And it makes me so happy.”

The brothers looked at each other, understanding. In a silent and unanimous vote, they all decided that it was best to just shut the hell up and have a group hug. They hugged Karamatsu tightly in complete silence, giving him their full strength and an apology, hoping that someday Karamatsu would stop crying whenever they showed just a little bit of affection and support even if they had to wait weeks, months or even years. 

It took him a few moments, but Karamatsu finally stopped crying and wiped his own tears, smiling at his family and friends.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

Jyuushimatsu hugged him so tight that he lost his breath.

“It’s okay! You are just too happy. Or sad. Or both. But it’s okay, Karamatsu nii-san, you don’t have to hide your feelings anymore”.

“Yeah, and… You know we are sorry for everything” 

Choromatsu, being the straight man he was, let go of the hug to fix his dress, his cleavage, and his brother’s blue wig. “It’s not enough, but we are. And we are honestly proud of you.”

“You are…. Proud? Of me?”

Osomatsu laughed, patting his back so hard that Karamatsu could feel his rib cage complaining inside of him.

“Well of course! Now I am going to brag about my super little brother that goes to a fancy college. The first Matsuno of this generation on a real college, c’mon! We should partay!”

“My brothers, I would love to party, but I haven’t even passed the audition yet…”

Ichimatsu made a strained sound and pulled Kara’s wig a bit.

“Ichimatsu!”

“Shut up, Karamatsu. You’ll do it, or I’ll kill you.”

“B-but, Ichimatsu…”

“I said I’ll kill you, so you have to do it.”

Before he could even answer, the room’s door was opened. Matsuyo and Matsuzo were there, mouths and eyes wide open and completely freeze on the spot. The sextuplets did not realize what was wrong until they remembered the clothes they were using, the makeup, the wigs and they started mumbling and twitching in an attempt to say something but the brothers became so nervous they started to say the first thing that came to their minds.

“Mom, this is not what it looks like-”

“Totty made us!”

“What?! Shut up, Fappymatsu we saw you first with a dress.”

“I just wanted boobies.”

“Jyuushimatsu!”

“Ichimatsu has a friend; he is studying and had an interview.”

Ichimatsu groaned with all his might and kicked his eldest right on the butt.

“That’s the first thing it occurs you to say, shitty eldest?!

The matriarch of the family just sighed, took a deep breath and walked right towards Yuki that was suddenly and surprisingly sitting next to the table, prim, proper, and adorable.

“Please tell me they are helping you with your clothes thingy.”

“Yes they are, ma’am,” she said, a pleasant and sweet smile spreading on her face. “I asked them to help me, don’t they look gorgeous? Oh, I also bought some apple pie. Why don’t you to go get changed and I’ll make some tea so we can share it?”

“Thank you, dear” Matsuyo breathed in again because she was so used to her son's shenanigans that she was done with them and needed a moment to relax, pretend that she didn’t see anything and convince herself that her sons still had hope. But, even so, she turned around right on the door and looked at her sons up and down one last time, smiling smugly. “Well, I’ll be damned. You look amazing in those costumes!”

The sextuplet’s voices sounded dead, with a mixture of shame when they answered.

“Yes, mom.”

“Now I finally know how you would look like If you were all girls.”

That was something they did not want to think about, so they all repressed the thought and answered in automatic mode.

“That’s nice, mom.”

“You look better than I had expected.”

“Thanks, mom.”

“Is this going to be a permanent thing? Because if it is you better try hard and get a good man. A doctor, a lawyer, I don’t care if he is good-looking as long as he has a job!”

Yuki’s laughter, mixed with the sextuplets screams of disgust and fear were heard in the whole neighborhood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! God knows it took me too long to write and too long to correct xD Maybe if I did not screw up so much with the times, sintaz and mixing languages my super fabulous beta Tsukikage Yoshiko would not have to work extra hard to make this shit readable.
> 
> FYI I know that Japanese Universities does not work like this but just ler me dream. If the author of Paradise Kiss could have her own college of weirdos interested in arts then I can have mine xD Oh! So you know I am iploading also some pictures to let you see how adorable the neets looked in drag... Well, no, not in drag exactly but you get my point.
> 
> This is Choro's dress and make up: http://imgur.com/a/6BxXp
> 
> This is Jyuushi (the image belongs to Chocoleche!): http://imgur.com/a/jFH3j
> 
> This is Karamatsu's wig, make up and his dress. He could not use a simple dress and that blue wig looks good on him: http://imgur.com/a/JzoT1
> 
> Totty and Oso: http://imgur.com/a/v0IR1
> 
> Ichimatsu x3 He is using the same hairstyle than the one he uses as a Magical Neet: http://imgur.com/a/e1rjj
> 
>  
> 
> Have a nice day and don't forget: Your comments FEED MY MUSES! So keep feeding them cause those bitches are givin' me a hard time!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic. English isn't my first language but I put a lot of work on it and wanted to show it anyway. If you have any suggestion or correction, just tell me and I'll be happy to re-write anything that's wrong.
> 
> Honestly I don't know how many chapters I'm going to make but... I'll try to keep 'em short ;P


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